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Ever since the Dutch delegation got told that Joost will not be allowed to further participate in the rehearsals all of you felt quite tense. After the initial shock of Joost getting treated so shittly by the EBU, although in your opinion he had the right to get mad at someone that didn’t follow the agreement of not filming him after his semi-final performance, you guys finally got to the point of trying to joke about it. But the mood still was sour, online, in real life and even the Dutch Broadcaster of Eurovision was pissed, even more so when the day of the finale came and you as well as everyone else got the confirmation that Joost is in fact truly disqualified. “You wrote Eurovision history by that, huh?” you said to him before you collectively hugged him since the whole delegation sat together and waited for the information. And although the confirmation now was real, the stress level was higher than ever as long as the finale didn’t finish. Israel could still win. So many candidates were against their participation but couldn’t withdraw due to contract although they wanted to stand with Joost ever since all the bullshit including the police investigation started right around the time of the flag parade rehearsal on the day after the second semifinale.
Here you are now sitting with everyone. Not a good word left about Eurovision. But even the rage doesn’t exist anymore. The finale is playing on the TV quietly, barely a background noise. In all honesty nobody is paying attention to it. It’s much more symbolic than anything else. A ‘we should have been there’. But as soon as the Luxembourg act started Joosts energy shifted. He instantly seemed sort of lost. You swiftly grabbed the remote and turned the TV off. You are well aware that he would have been next. But act number 5 will be skipped this year.
Suddenly Joost stood up and took a look at the round. Appie was the first to ask, “Are you alright man?”
Joost instantly put on a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Not really. I’m going for a quick smoke. I think I would like to be alone for a bit.”
Understanding nods and sorry smiles on all faces. “You know, we are proud of you and how far you got and we won’t run away. No need to go through this alone Joost,” you reminded him.
“Thank you.”
After a short silent break the conversation continued and jumped to the next topic, but you didn’t really participate in it. At some point someone turned the TV back on. 5 minutes passed, then 10 and then 15. You, Martijn and Appie exchanged concerned looks ever so often. Appie soon quirked an eyebrow and Martijn bluntly said “You go.”
And you did. Glady even. Quite sure that both men knew about your little silly crush on Joost that just didn’t want to go away for the past year. Only Joost was oblivious to it, simply because you didn’t want to force it onto him, especially in regards to how much currently was happening in his life. He needs emotional support and not some giddy feeling of love coming from a friend he knew for years.
“Hoi”, you said as soon as you entered the balcony where Joost stood hidden behind a wall for the past 20 minutes. He was leaning against it, his blue eyes looking at something far away with earbuds in his ears.
It took a bit until he answered with a “Hi.”
“We are worried about you. Do you need anything? A drink? A hug? Another cigarette? Someone to talk to or anything else?”
He gently shook his head. “No. But thanks for asking.”
“Do you want me to stay? No need to talk. Just the knowledge that someone is here for you,” you tried once again. This time he nodded. “Would be nice.”
He shifted a few steps away from you and removed one earbud to give it to you, “Here. Stand next to me,” he smiled weakly, “united by music.”
You almost snorted but instantly felt bad as soon as you noticed that Joost is listening to ‘Florida 2009’. “Don’t tell me it’s on repeat?”
“You know me too well, just the silence felt too loud,” he sighed. This moment alone was enough to feel his sadness. To notice the yet still uncried tears just waiting to escape and follow the trail of those he probably dried off just seconds before you joined him on the balcony.
“I’ve been thinking about what comes next,” he murmured quietly, “although I’m aware it’s irrational I feel like I shouldn’t do the Europapa tour. I’m afraid of how the possible charges against me could affect my career, where they could get me blacklisted, just because I stood up for myself. I didn’t touch this woman, I instantly apologized and yet here we are.”
“I’m very sure the agreement of not filming you after your performance will be taken into consideration-”
“(Y/n),” he interrupted you, “It’s easy to make the man in such a situation look like the bad guy. Make me look aggressive, like I’m the one that did everything wrong.”
“Joost a camera was involved in this. Probably filming.”
“I know… I know. The situation just feels so frustrating and unfair. I feel miserable and can’t even leave the hotel without getting another camera shoved in my face,” he said and looked at you blinking a bit too quickly, desperate to blink away any tears that dare to try to escape his eyes. “Really don’t wanna cry in front of you, you know?”
“I understand that but I promise that it’s okay. I won’t judge.”
You were about to touch his upper arm to comfort him but stopped in your tracks. “Is it okay, if I touch you right now?”
He rolled his eyes upon hearing your question “I might be sad, but I’m not made out of eggshells. Appreciate the question tho.”
Just a tiny joke, but enough to make both of you smile, as your hand started caressing his arm. Almost as if in a dream-like state, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I appreciate your presence.”
So you stood there like that. It might’ve been minutes, it might’ve been hours. You weren’t sure how often his song already looped when he stopped the music and finally moved to look you in the eyes, he opened up his arms and silently asked for a hug to which you followed suit. His face pressed into the crook of your neck and his heartbeat seemed to match yours. It was a firm, yet warm and loving hug with exactly the perfect amount of pressure. Even after it loosened up, you still held onto each other. You were sure Joost needed the comfort of having someone in his arms. “I’m glad to have you here with me,” he whispered and the whole world seemed to stop existing outside of his arms. He put quite a bit of his weight on you, literally leaning on you.
“I will always be here for you,” you assured him and felt the hug tighten slightly. A quiet “thank you.”
Just a few breaths longer, in which his fresh smell of some nice perfume seemed to hypnotize you and then he let go of you. But his warm big hands remained on your upper arms as he looked at you. Looked at your face and only slipped up for less then a second by looking down at your lips. Was he the first or did you also do that without noticing? Is he maybe not as oblivious about your feelings as you thought that he might be?
There are so many questions running through your head but before you even get close to an answer he already shows you one of his brilliant smiles. The genuine one. It makes his whole face change shape, make him look like the happiest animated character ever. You love that smile.
“We should get back inside. Get ready for the after party,” he said much happier than minutes ago. You did this. You being concerned for his well being and coming out to check on him made him smile.
But a quick glance at your phone told you that it’s been about an hour since the finale started. It will be at least two or three more hours until everyone arrives. “Noone of the other candidates will be there.”
“Don’t worry about it. The after party already started hours ago. There will more than enough other people that would appreciate to see us all,” he said as he eagerly walked towards the door, still smiling.
“Are you sure?”
“Never been more sure in my life before. Yes I’m still sad about the disqualification but the EBU shouldn’t have the power over me to crush my spirit. There will be plenty of time to be sad later.” He took a deep breath, “And with you and the other there with me… I will be okay.”
You nodded and went along with him. He said he needed your help with choosing an undercovery outfit but you both knew that he was perfectly capable of doing it himself. It’s an unspoken agreement of not leaving him alone. Even if it meant that you actually ended up sitting in between his clothes on his bed next to each other and him showing you silly videos and photos on his phone. It was quite comfortable, your shoulders touched and your knee rested against the side of his leg. You’ve done it a thousand times before but something felt different about it. It might have been the endless stolen glances at each other, maybe the way you were hyper aware of how both of you seemed to naturally lean against each other or maybe just the absurdity of it all.
“Your hair looks really good if it’s a bit more messy,” you point out after he showed you a particularly funny unseen photo of himself and Aggu form the Friensenjung musicvideo shoot.
“Yeah? Like that?” he asked and messed up his hair. You’re not sure what made you be so bold but you in turn ruffled up his hair even more and grinned at him, “rather like that.”
You didn’t even get the chance to remove your hand from his hair because he put his own hand on it. His blue eyes searched for yours. Neither of you dared to look away as he looked at you so deeply. His gaze flicked down to your lips once more and then he smiled, “We shouldn’t kiss right?”
It was painfully obvious that you both wanted to kiss. The magnetic pull as well as the tension between you was more visible than ever. He might actually like you back the way you like him. You’ve known each other for so long already. You are comfortable in each other’s presence. “A little kiss wouldn’t hurt our friendship. Neither one of us would make it weird, right?” you asked back.
A challenge. And Joost was up for it. The furthest you both ever went in the past were drunkish kisses on the cheek. He didn’t hesitate to change that as he gave you a quick peck on the lips. Both of you didn’t seem to be able to contain your smile and kissed again, this time a bit longer, a bit deeper. And again and again and again. At some point Joost tugged at your arm to indicate that you should lean back and continue the kissing while laying down. It was sweet, innocent and filled with giggles. Thoughts of actually going further were fleeting in contradiction to his as well as your hands starting to wander around each other’s bodies. It didn’t feel necessary to go further than that, not even when you stopped all the kissing and just layed there holding onto each other.
The after party could wait until Appie decides to go look for both of you and gives you his best teasing tone and suggestive question, after he finds you both all tangled up on top of Joosts bedsheet and messy unworn clothes.