Chapter Text
One morning, after an uncomfortably dreamless sleep, Izuku Midoriya awoke and found himself lying on his bed, He felt heavy; his eyebags were heavy, his skin was heavy against his muscles, his muscles heavy against his own bones-- a burden to everyone but the study mattress beneath him. He pushed past the heaviness on his eyes and settled with staring at his ceiling. Trying not to dwell much on thoughts like these, he hoisted himself up with his palms pressed against his sheets.
'When had things even begun getting this bad?' The faint thought lingered through the walls of his mind as his head almost automatically tilted to look at his own hands, searching for answers he didn't know he was even looking for.
He stood up after some short contemplation and started getting ready. His routine: get out of bed, greet mom, brush his teeth, eat, wear your uniform, put your shoes on, double-check that you properly packed your bag last night while struggling to sleep, triple-check because why would he ever trust himself to make such an important decision of having all his essentials for the day?
And so off he was in his merry way. He walked, feet heavy and painful as his steps struck the ground, infecting it with every disgusting disease he carried in his body. He walked and kept walking and turning and regretting and walking and taking a wrong turn or two or not and walking again --letting his mind run frantic with all his thoughts, the guilt of existence consuming his every fibre as he slowly and finally approached those all too familiar gates of hell. Or was it a prison? He couldn't tell the difference any more anyway, so did it matter?
Lucky day, no one was waiting there for him today. Maybe his luck has changed. Izuku shook the thought away, he just simply couldn't allow himself to let his mind fill with more unrequited optimism. Instead, he settled on neutrality, if things go badly again then that sucks but if they go well then that's good. It just wasn't up to him to decide though.
Ironic. For a second it brought him back to those motivational speeches they always give at those school assemblies about mental health, "You have the power to change your OWN life as long as you want it, need it, try. The issue with children these days is that they do not try, do not be like the rest. YOU have to try". At the time he heard these words they had held some kind of meaning to him but that faded day by day. Now they only exist as a mere memory stored at the back of his brain.
He started making his way down to his locker, passing by through whispering, distant faces that he couldn't even find the strength to look up to anymore. Despite his feelings, today the weather was warm. Bright and taunting. Everyone was excited for the new seasonal change and then there was him. Intimidated by the accusing brightness the sun brought down at his face, illuminating his truths and lies while everyone else just enjoyed themselves--
'Did I have an exam to study for today?', he wondered as he snapped his rusty locker open, finally unloading the heavy burden he had been wearing the entire way here. Now he only really had his own to carry throughout the rest of the day to his classes.
And this is his least favourite part. Going to class, being sat down just a table away from his tormenter and best friend. The only person he considers a friend currently. They aren't though. He realises that but realising and accepting are two entirely different concepts from each other.
Izuku immediately slumps over his desk and covers his head in his arms. For some reason, he let a small part of himself hope that today Katsuki took the day off. Not because of sickness or anything but because of... Winning the lottery? Family trip? Being recognised by a hero at this age? Anything nice. He doesn't have the heart to wish for something bad to happen to him. Izuku has known Katsuki since they were toddlers. They used to do everything together and dreamed of doing everything together in the future like being heroes, living in the same apartment, and marrying the same person (obviously something which is unrealistic but despite that, it made perfect sense in their toddler brains). Things don't really go his way though, it's that good old Midorya luck striking against him once more. The bell rings and he slightly lifts up his head, feeling the weight of his eyebags on his face and his eyes trying to focus on one thing but being blurred by the all too suddenly bright lights.
The teacher began to talk, "As you know, last week I had everyone complete some application sheets for future schools you may want to attend..." he started as he lifted up papers bunched up together.
For a second, Izuku felt his world fall apart. He remembered the application. He remembered being hopeful. Naive. That's what he was. It may have only been two weeks since he had completed the forms but he already regrets it. He made a mistake...
The teacher continued after his previous brief pause, "... Well I will be keeping this notice short, but from now we will bunch you up to different groups depending on where you are applying so we can give you direct advice on what you need to get in. For example,..." he trailed off calling out the names of people and assigning them to different groups. The chatter arose, hurting Izuku's ears slightly, as people were placed with their friends.
"... Ah, Midorya and Bakugou, you're both applying to UA so you will be placed into the same group"
A moment
A pause
A second
Another second
Breathing
Shallow breathing.
Was that coming from him?
And finally,
The storm
Bakugou explodes from his seat and immediately starts incoherently yelling at the teacher. Something along the lines of this being a 'Mistake!' and that he 'Should NOT be grouped with a quirkless nerd like Deku' followed along by other remarks thrown into his face by his classmates but Izuku couldn't really hear it. He wasn't there. He couldn't have been there right now.
And finally, after being told to calm down, Bakugou threw a mean glare at Izuku.
He knows that glare. It's a warning. He's being told to stay sat after the bells ring to pay for his sins.
The class rolled by in a blur, he might have kept notes or may have not. Izuku wasn't entirely sure of what he had been writing for the rest of the hour in his notebooks. All he knew was that he kept glancing over to his left, where Bakugou sat seemingly always staring daggers at him. Izuku wondered if he had wrote anything down either or if his own rage was distracting him too from the lesson. Suddenly, as that thought set in, he felt bad. This heavy weight settled on his chest and his consciousness began screaming at him.
'Even when we are no longer friends, I still get in his way? How is it even possible to be this much of a nuisance?'
'Kacchan has every right to hate me.'
And just like the class started, it ended. The bell rang, signalling the first break. The students filtered out of the small space and soon after everyone was gone, the teacher followed suit. Almost everyone, because Izuku, Bakugou and three of his lackeys were left behind. Before being submerged in the hallway, the teacher threw Izuku a look. It could have been sympathetic but due to the lack of emotions behind his eyes, Izuku just accepted it as acknowledgement.
'I know what will happen to you but I am in no position to help...'
'...I don't care enough to help.'
"What do you think you're doing?" Bakugou's voice disrupted Izuku's train of thought.
"...Huh?..." was all Izuku could matter from his confusion.
It was a broad question. You can't really blame him for not knowing the answer. 'What do you think you're doing?', going to school...studying... sitting... I don't know, existing? So many possible answers and all he could think about was a stupid 'Huh?'. 'Way to answer a question with a question, Socrates...' Izuku thought to himself, once again tilting his head down towards his desk and hands, staring deep in thought as if philosophising the meaning of life.
He felt it before he even saw it, the wind from an object falling, followed by the sound of flesh making contact with wood and for a split second, Izuku recognised Katsuki's hand slammed down on his desk right in front of him. And finally, the fireworks that followed only inches away from his nose, making him flinch back in his chair and fall down with the ship as his back made contact with the hard vinyl ground.
And before he had the time to fully adjust to the situation unfolding in front of him he heard
" What the hell do you mean 'HUH'?????!!" coming from Bakugou as the smell of burning wood finally settled into his nostrils, realising that his desk would be messed up from now on.
Izuku began opening his mouth to answer but before he could, Bakugou continued with "I asked what the hell you were doing!! Do you not understand simple words now all of a sudden!? What are you? Fucking brain dead, you dipshit!" his volume increasing exponentially with each sentence he knitted together and honestly, Izuku has never been more thankful to be interrupted by Bakugou as in the back of his mind he knows that his answer to his previous question would have still been a repeated, half-assed 'Huh?' again.
"I understand-" Izuku cringed at his own response. Even Bakugou looked like he just experienced second-hand embarrassment from his stupid remark.
"Then answer me what the fuck you think you're doing, dammit!!" He yelled, small explosions erupting from his hands.
"Are you this much of a stalker that you can't live a day without being a fucking creep!?" snickers came out of the other three's mouths
"You're a useless, quirkless freak! You shouldn't even be allowed to dream of achieving something THIS above you!" his voice roared and bounced from the walls, fear finally settling into his bones as he began to back away from Bakugou who in contrast started inching closer towards him.
"If I could have it my way, I would make sure that you weren't even allowed to apply anywhere!! You'd just burden them just like you burdened your dad!!!" They're towering above him, and they're so much bigger, stronger than him and oh--
"-But he got the good fucking ending and left your fucking sorry ass before your quirklessness affected him!" and a kick to his gut had him whining while being bent over like a pretzel-
More laughter from the others at his reaction.
"You should honestly do your mom a fucking favour..." they're pulling him up against the wall his back hitting the cold surface.
"AND FUCKING DIE!!" an explosion at the side of his head.
A yell from someone echoed throughout the entire building. He bent over grasping the side of his head, liquid covering all of his senses. Cold liquid, runs from his eyes as the pain overtakes all of his other senses. Warm liquid on his palm-
Warm?
That can't be right... Tears are cold and don't come from the side of your-
Izuku finally opened his eyes which he hadn't realised he had squeezed shut, only to be met with Bakugou. Scared. That simply cannot be right--
Bakugou wasn't scared-- No. Bakugou was never scared. But as Izuku locks eyes with him, he finally hears the ringing and sees the fear he imagines in himself when coming to school every day.
Ringing. His ears are ringing.
"What's going on?!" he sobs, but it doesn't really seem to come out of his throat.
Bakugou's lip quivers as he stares at Izuku, seemingly speechless.
'He didn't hear me either' Izuku decides. Instead of repeating the question again, however, he decides to bring his hand down in front of him.
And for the first time, he found the answer he had been searching for all those other times he had looked down at them without knowing why.
The cold air hit his ear causing him to flinch at the impact. It felt like it was burning from the cold which was a big contrast from the boiling warmth he had felt seconds before.
The ringing did not go away with the burning coldness, it stayed there as Izuku studied his own hand covered with his own blood--
And it hit him.
"I can't hear..." he said to the open space without being able to hear it, epiphany washing over. Bakugou blasted his eardrums.
And now he can't hear.
He looked up again only to see fat tears running down Bakugou's face, he saw him mouthing something towards him which looked much like an apology. And god if that wasn't a fucking joke-- He just took away his hearing. And now he's apologising. It's that simple, isn't it? He took away the ability to hear the things he likes; the All Might debut video he had been religiously watching ever since he was a kid, his mother's laugh, the sound of rain while he went to sleep, his talks with his mom, the sound of wind rustling through leaves as it left in a hurry... All of that...
He will never be able to hear it anymore.
Izuku felt nauseous and he opened his mouth, loud sobs and screams erupted from him sounding much like a wounded animal begging a different species for mercy.
He slid down onto the floor and let himself sob freely which seemingly snapped Bakugou from the trance he had been stuck in previously and clutched onto Izuku's shoulders, shaking him slightly to catch his attention. Izuku never looked back at him though, he just remained with his eyes squeezed shut, letting himself feel all lof the emotions he had ever bottled up. The sadness, loneliness, the rage-- Oh the rage. Burning like a bull on fire, he began pounding and pushing Katsuki's chest incoherently screaming at him as Katsuki pulled him close to a hug, making him once more feel trapped and beginning to scream louder, hoping that he would get the message and let go. He didn't let go though.
"WHAT is going on here!?" their teacher said as he stood at the entrance glaring at the two.
"I--" Katsuki began but a sudden choke coming from himself interrupted his sentence.
The teacher suddenly burst into the scene, pushed Bakugou away from him and picked up Izuku, bloodied and screaming and took him away.
And Bakugou Katsuki was left alone in the empty classroom.
With the smell of burnt wood, a black spot decorating the usually creamy-coloured wall, splatters of blood on the vinyl floor and a heavy feeling set deep within his stomach.
All things he had created.