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Anali had been dissociating all day. It was intense; she felt detached from her body and time itself. She had been in her room all day, but it had only felt like a few hours.
She hadn’t eaten all day, hadn’t talked to anyone other than a good morning to Angelina… nothing. She was too spaced out and unable to do anything.
It was hard, but it would end eventually… right?
Although she hadn’t the energy to think about when or if it may end, staring off into nowhere, in fact, she didn’t even have the energy to react when Angelina burst through the door, chipper as per usual.
“Ana! Ana, you’ll never guess what.” she smiled, throwing her stuff onto her bed.
No response, just a blank stare. She couldn’t even process what Angelina was saying, let alone say something back.
Angelina turned to face her, tilting her head to the side slightly, “Anali…?”.
“Huh?” Anali furrowed her brows, looking at the other as if that would somehow help her.
The older girl slowly stepped forward and sat on the edge of her bed. Far enough not to make her uncomfortable but close enough to make her presence a little more known.
“Anali, have you… left the room at all today?”
“Uhm…” Anali shook her head, trying to process what was going on. “Sorry, no, I haven’t.”
“Hmm, I see.” she sighed, glancing off. “You seem.. absent,” the girl mumbled before turning to face her fully. She’d seen this before, in her mother. After some thought, she spoke up again,”
“Do you want me to stay here..? You don’t have to explain yourself, just a simple nod or shake will do”.
Anali nodded, looking more vulnerable than she had ever looked before.
Angelina smiled and looked around the room. She wasn’t entirely sure what the main problem may have been but she knew that if it was affecting Anali this much, maybe being there for her would make it slightly more bearable. “Would you like me to talk? I could speak for the both of us?”
“I can talk…” Anali looked down at her wrist, fiddling with her pink bracelet. “I— I— I dunno…” she sighed.
“That’s okay,” she leaned her head back. “Decisions are overrated anyway,” she finished chuckling quietly. So, what's bothering you, Ana?”
“Family…” she muttered. “What else would it be?”
“Family huh?” Angelina looked over at her, making sure to be careful how she approached this. “Some bad memories coming back up?”.
“Yeah…” Anali fiddled with her bracelet. “Just…” she trailed off, unable to finish her sentence without being hit with more flashbacks, so she stopped herself.
Lina’s eyes widened slightly, “It’s okay, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.” she repeated, trying to reassure the child. “You had a brother.. Correct? Did he do anything particular to help you when you felt this way?”
“Aasim, yeah…” she sighed. “I uh… we’d pray to Shiva, the Devi that we worshipped. But I don’t have a shrine or a statue for it, so it’s hard to do that,” she explained. “But I think, considering the circumstances, not having a shrine to pray to might be okay. Shiva would understand…. right?”
“I’m sure Shiva would understand,” she smiled. “Besides, they’re pretty hard to come across in the apocalypse. Maybe we could make one some other time? I’m sure that’s an important enough reason to skip out on lookout.”
“I don’t know where we’d find or make one…” Anali looked down at her feet. “Do you think I could just draw him and use that…? I’m not a great artist but it would show I’m trying, right?”
“I think a drawing would be perfect.” Angelina stood up quickly and went over to her side of the room, rummaging through her drawers. “Here we are!” She pulled out a notebook and a pencil before handing them to Anali.
“Uhm… okay,” Anali thought for a moment before she started doodling the best she could, muttering something in Hindi as she did it.
Angelina sat back down next to her, waiting patiently for her to finish.
Despite being a little out of it, Anali finished in just a few minutes; the doodling was actually rather grounding and helped bring her closer to the present. “I think I’m done…?”
“Can I have a looksie?”
“Yeah,” she handed the notebook to Angelina and smiled. “That was actually relaxing; I’m barely even dissociated anymore.”
Lina took the notebook slowly into her hands and gasped, “Wow, I didn’t know I was sharing a room with an artist,” she teased, nudging Anali’s elbow. “It looks great and I’m glad you feel a little better,”
“I mean, it kinda looks like him so I guess I did okay…” Anali nervously chuckled. “Thank you, Lina.”
With that, Angelina wrapped their arm around Anali and pulled her close… Anali was so thankful for her and everything she’d done for her. Things would be okay as long as they stayed friends.