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Ei couldn’t blame Raiden Shogun, no matter how much she wanted to. It wasn’t Rai’s fault that Rai had locked down Inazuma, or started the Vision Hunt Decree. Rai hadn’t been the one who had brought their nation’s progress to a halt, or caused so much suffering that her people rebelled.
No, that was Ei’s fault. After all, she had created Rai. She had set up the rules Rai followed. And then, like the coward she was, she locked herself in the Plane of Euthymia, away from everyone and everything she loved. She shut her eyes and ears, and she didn’t hear the weeping, the pain, or the anger. So yet again, she wasn’t there when her people needed her. Rai had done what she was supposed to do, and Ei left her without supervision and without help.
It was strange now, to share a body with Rai. Ei wanted to resent her for that, for being the host of their physical form. But that was Ei’s fault too. Rai certainly hadn’t made Ei give up her form to try to prevent erosion.
Erosion. She had been so scared of that, once. Ei had feared regression, and vulnerability, and losing herself like she had so many years before. But stagnation was worse. Resisting growth and change hadn’t prevented erosion, it had driven it forward. Her nation could have crumbled, and she hadn’t been brave enough to face it. Makoto had been right. Of course she had been, she always was.
Ei felt odd, with Rai. It was like having a twin again, but the roles reversed. Rai was the shadow now, resistant to change, here for protection and combat when it needed to be done. Ei had taken on Makoto’s role, embracing all of the wonderful, foolish things humans did with their limited time. Ei wasn’t sure how she felt about that yet.
It could have been nice to have a sister again, if she let it feel that way. She could feel like the older twin for a change. Makoto had always seemed so confident and wise. But as much as Ei missed having a sister, and how much a part of her longed for wisdom and for a sister in Rai, she didn’t want to fill Makoto’s kimono. She was a poor fit for it, no matter how much Miko would tease her for saying as much. Even when Makoto was here, even as twins, she had always felt smaller, somehow.
And now, this body wasn’t hers alone. It finally felt like hers again, after she and Rai had reached an agreement. They were sharing it now, not fighting over it. Somehow, that didn’t feel as odd as Ei had thought it would. Yes, she did miss having her own body at times, and being alone in her mind. But she had shared space with Makoto for so long that sharing a body with Rai somehow felt like an extension of that. And there were nice things, too. She could rest and retreat into herself while Rai took over things like public appearances, or eating, or fighting monsters. Now that she was awake, and now that Rai and her had talked, Rai had agreed to consult her before changing policy or meeting with members of the Commissions. And Ei would do the same. There was a balance now, between stability and change, eternity and evolution.
Ei didn’t hate Rai, and she didn’t think Rai hated her either. They coexisted, awkwardly at times, but it was getting easier as the days went on. And Ei tried, as best she could, not to hate herself either. She had made so many mistakes. But after centuries, she was growing. Like a cherry tree sapling crushed by a rock, she had taken far too long to recover, and even longer to mature. But now, this was what Makoto wanted for her. To finally change, and see the world as she had. To find the beauty in motion and not just stillness.
Perhaps, with Rai as her balance and their protector, Ei could be who Makoto wanted her to be. Not become Makoto, not take on her role or all of her beliefs. But be herself but with the bravery Makoto had seemed so certain she would find. She wasn’t alone anymore. And, sharing a body like this, there was comfort in the fact that she wouldn’t ever be alone again.