Chapter Text
James still couldn’t believe his luck.
How long had he had a crush on Lily Evans? How long had he tried to win her over? How long had he suffered believing that she despised him? Sirius had teased him about it relentlessly, lorded his long string of birds in their fifth and sixth years over him, and insisted that Evans would never change her mind. James had shrugged it all off, because he knew good things were worth fighting for.
And now, there they were, walking the streets of Hogsmeade hand in hand on a bright spring day only two weeks before N.E.W.T.s, about to start their lives.
He knew that he was grinning like an idiot. He always did whenever the thought struck him that Lily Evans was his girlfriend. This, too, was something Sirius would tease him for– but he didn’t care. It didn’t matter much to him that his dreamy expression around the great love of his life ruined his devil-may-care, cool Quidditch captain persona. It was hard to let anything bother him when he was holding her hand.
“What are you so smiley about, Potter?” Lily asked, her green eyes glimmering. She knew exactly why he was smiling, but he knew she enjoyed hearing him flounder for excuses.
“I’ve finished all my transfiguration homework,” he explained, even though it was a flat-out lie, because he would be able to rush through it the morning of and still get decent marks. “I don’t have anything to worry about this afternoon besides figuring out how to get back to the castle after I’ve had enough firewhiskey to let me forget that N.E.W.T.s are about to start.”
Lily snorted. “What a wonderful example our Head Boy is setting for everyone else.”
James quirked an eyebrow. “As if you’re much better. I seem to remember you particularly enjoying the spiked butterbeer at my birthday–”
“That was completely different!” Lily’s cheeks had turned a soft shade of pink. “We were in the common room, and everyone was participating, and–”
“If all of us were petting a dragon, would you, too?” James asked, chuckling. “Our very own Head Girl, falling so easily to peer pressure. How will the rest of us manage?”
She elbowed him in the ribs, but not very hard. “Alright, alright. Drink the afternoon away. But you won’t be getting my sympathy when you get too sick for dinner tonight.”
“This is why I love you,” he said. “Always so supportive of my decisions.”
It was her turn to smile like a fool. It made James’ stomach flip over in an oddly pleasant way to know that however she tried to hide it, she was just as smitten as he was.
“So before I get completely pissed, what do you want to do?” he asked, as casually as he could when all he could think about was how pretty Lily looked when she was smiling. “I think it might be best to avoid Madam Puddifoot’s. Pete and Dorcas were headed there, and you know how they can get. They have to get it all out of their system before we meet for lunch.”
Lily shuddered. “Please. I don’t need to watch Pete stick his tongue down her throat any more than I already have. Can we check Scrivenshaft’s? My favorite quill has been claimed by Ginger and he’s chewed the ends down.”
“Whatever you want,” he agreed.
They continued down the high street until they reached the quill shop. As the door closed behind them, the chatter of their fellow Hogwarts students died down. Everyone else was having too much fun letting off end-of-year steam at Honeydukes, Zonko’s, or the Three Broomsticks to worry about school supplies shopping.
James chuckled to himself. Of course Lily was too sensible for all of that. She knew she needed a good, working quill before the exams, even if it did mean a few moments away from one of the far-and-few reprieves they had. And what did it matter, if he was still getting to walk around with her?
“I can’t believe we’re almost finished,” Lily said, inspecting a sleek brown feather. “This will probably be the last quill I buy for school.”
“Better make it a fancy one then,” James laughed. “C’mon, Evans. No need to get sentimental about buying quills. You’ll be buying plenty more once you’ve graduated.”
“Yes, but still,” she sighed, moving on. “It will be strange. I don’t think I’ll know what to do with myself once I’m not in school anymore.”
“You’ll be straight back to school,” James insisted, watching as she looked over a set of short self-inking quills. “We all know that if anyone’s going straight into whatever training program they like, it will be you.”
Lily pursed her lips. “Well, by that logic, you won’t be buying any quills at all. Have you responded to any of those owls scouting you for every Quidditch team in Britain? Something tells me you won’t be at a writing desk much.”
“I’d still need quills for autographs.” But he looked away. He had written back last week to the Ballycastle Bats, the Tutshill Tornados, and Puddlemere United last week respectfully declining their offers, which was highly contrary to the advice that Professor McGonnagal, Madam Hooch, and Lily had all insisted on.
Much to his chagrin, Lily seemed to notice his avoidance of the question. “You did write back, didn’t you?”
“I did,” James said slowly. He didn’t like lying to her, not about something as big as this.
“But you said no, didn’t you?”
He hesitated.
The pause seemed to be enough for her to catch on, and she rounded on him. “I can’t believe you, James. That was everything you had ever wanted! How could you say no?”
“You know why,” he responded, trying to keep his voice even. He could see the shopkeeper craning his neck from behind the counter to listen. “I promise we’ll talk about it, alright? But somewhere that people aren’t listening.”
Lily crossed her arms. Despite the tension, James couldn’t help but admire how beautiful she looked with a flared temper. “You promised me you would actually think about accepting one of those offers.”
Guilt squirmed in his stomach. “I did think about it. I just… I decided there were more important things than that right now.”
“Like what?” His girlfriend didn’t look convinced. “Acting the hero? Trying to get yourself killed?”
James didn’t know what to say. Not here, in the middle of a Scrivenshaft’s, with a nosy shopkeep listening in and their friends waiting to meet them at the Three Broomsticks for lunch. He had imagined a late night, an empty common room, and nowhere they had to be until morning.
“Here.” James reached next to her and picked up a fancy pheasant quill. “This one’s like your last, yeah? It even makes the ink last longer. I’ll buy it for you, if you let this go until tonight. I promise I’ll talk about it then.”
She glanced down and snorted. “That one’s pretty expensive. Trying to use your rich boy money to win me back over?” But the corners of her lips twitched.
“Is it working?” He led her to the counter and pulled out his money bag.
“If you throw in a new set of silver scales and a ruby necklace, maybe,” she said, and he could tell that even if she was still mad, she didn’t want to let it simmer, either.
He counted out his sickles and passed them to the shopkeeper, who was still eyeing them with a curious expression. “I didn’t know you liked jewelry, Evans.”
“A girl doesn’t need to wear jewelry to want her boyfriend to buy her something shiny,” she said, and much to his relief she took up his hand again as they exited the shop.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” James said. And though he knew it was ridiculous and entirely too soon, the quaint engagement stone he had been imagining for her since he knew what a crush was had doubled in size. “I’d get you any jewelry you wanted if it means you’ll stick around.”
“I might anyway,” Lily admitted. “I have gotten rather fond of you, even if you drive me mad most of the time.”
“You could say that a bit more concisely, if you want,” James said innocently. “I’ve already said it today, but I haven’t heard it from you yet.”
“Must you make it so transactional?”
“Please?” He pretended to pout, sticking out his bottom lip and opening his eyes wide as he looked down at her.
“Fine.” Lily let out a puff of air, and looked up into his face. “I love you.”
James grinned and leaned down to kiss her.
“Oy! Potter!”
Their lips had barely connected when the call pulled him from their moment. James looked up, ready to tell off one of the other Marauders for interrupting them, when, much to his dismay, he saw that it was an entirely different group.
A gang of sixth and seventh year Slytherins stood across the street, leering over at them. Most of them were members of Snape’s gang, but he was busy serving a detention for hexing Peter. James was at least glad that he wasn’t there– Lily wasn’t his friend anymore, though he knew she still hated their rivalry– but Mulicber, Avery, and Wilkes, the one who had shouted at them, were still unpleasant company.
“What do you want, Wilkes?” He squared his shoulders, ready for a fight. Of all the things to interrupt his day with Lily, this was the worst– and the most dangerous. They had been dealing with the jeers of the Slytherines since they had started dating, but outside the castle walls and away from the prying eyes of professors, James had a feeling that it could escalate quickly.
“James, don’t–” Lily started, but Wilkes cut her off.
“Just because you’re fine with being a filthy blood traitor doesn’t mean the rest of us are,” Wilkes jeered, leading his cronies closer. “There’s no need to kiss that disgusting little mudblood in full view of everyone!”
James stuck his hand in the pocket of his robes, grabbing his wand. “And there’s no reason for you to be showing your greasy face in public, but here you are.” He gritted his teeth. “And don’t say that word.” He glanced around. Despite being surrounded by other students, James couldn’t make out any friendly faces in the crowd that might back them up. Of course, he knew could hold his own, and so could Lily, but he’d have liked someone to back him on shutting up the bigoted rubbish that Wilkes was so proudly spewing.
“I’ll call her what she is,” Wilkes shot back, “and she’s a filthy mudblood.”
Anger flared up in him, burning hot. He pulled out his wand, aiming it straight at Wilkes, but Lily grabbed his wrist.
“Don’t, James,” she hissed. “They’re not worth it.” She shot the group of Slytherins a glare. “Think it’s smart to start a fight with the head boy and girl, do you?”
Wilkes sneered. “Think that protects you? Only a few more weeks and that won’t matter. Then you’ll really have to watch your back, mudblood.”
A crowd had started forming now. Some of their fellow students craned their necks so see the argument. He wished that if they weren’t going to participate, they’d just move along– he knew Wilkes would want an audience, use it as an opportunity to preach his pure-blood ideals.
“Call her that one more time and I’ll put you in detention!” James snapped. He clenched his fist tighter around the handle of his wand, feeling the grooves dig into his palm and praying that it would keep him grounded. He could hold back his anger for a lot of things– but not when someone threatened Lily.
“Detention?” Wilkes laughed. “Please, Potter, you can’t think that any of us care about that now. Our school records don’t matter. Everyone will remember the value of us pure-bloods over the muggleborns soon.”
James wrenched his arm out of Lily’s grip, unable to hold back. “Flipendo!” James shouted, pointing his wand at Wilkes.
As the Slytherin went flying back and hit the pavement hard and the crowd around them scrambled out of the way, the other Slytherines moved in. Mulciber had his wand out, and shot a spell at James. “Densaugeo!” James flinched, ready for a trip to the hospital wing.
“Protego!” Lily had shot up a defensive spell before James had even realized she had her wand out. “Impedimenta!” She had landed the slowing spell on both Mulciber and Avery before either of them could block her.
“Nice one,” James said. But before he could send another spell at Wilkes, who was clambering to his feet, Lily had turned her wand on him and sent the Impediment Jinx at him.
It was as if he were moving through jelly. His brain was still at normal speed, but his limbs were still trying to finish the follow through of a movement that should have happened seconds ago. Had Lily gone mad? If she hadn’t aimed the spell at him, they could have easily finished the fight together.
Lily shot one last jinx at Wilkes and glared around at them all, moving through the air as if it were molasses. “It may be the end of the year, but I’m still Head Girl. No fighting on the streets or you’ll be in detention.” She looked around at the crowd that had stopped to watch. “And move along! We’re clogging the street.”
Clearly wanting to avoid Lily’s wrath, everyone began to disperse as Lily caught James’ eye. He must have looked betrayed because she apologized.
“Look, James, I’m sorry, but if you had actually gotten into it with them someone would have gotten seriously hurt. They’ll find any opportunity to test out a new dark curse.” She waved her wand and James stumbled as his speed came back to him.
“Would have been nice if you let me do some of the jinxing too, though.” He rolled his shoulders, appreciating the speed at which his body responded. “Let’s leave them there and let one of their little friends lift the spell, shall we?” He stored his wand back in his pocket.
“Fine.” She put her wand away as well. “Let’s just go to The Three Broomsticks. I bet Mary and Marlene are already there.”
There was a tension in her tone that made James stop short. “You’re mad at me.” He hated when Lily was mad at him. She was frustrated with him frequently, but usually it was part of the game they played. Perhaps him denying the teams and having a fight in the street was too much.
“I’m not,” she said, but her words were clipped. “I’m just…” she trailed off and sighed. “Let’s just go to meet our friends, okay?”
“Lily, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I know.” She started heading up the cobbled street. James hurried to keep up with her. “I just want to enjoy the afternoon.”
Despite her insistence that everything was fine, James felt the frostiness spread more and more between them as the day wore on. Even as their friends arrived, cramming into the corner booth they had haunted since fifth year, and as the laughter grew and butterbeer flowed, James could tell that Lily Evans was mad at him. She didn’t catch his eye like she normally would when someone made a funny joke, she didn’t bat her eyes and ask him to pay for the next round, and she didn’t rest her head on his shoulder as the afternoon wore on.
As a result, James didn’t drink himself into a stupor as he had decided he would that morning. He hardly even touched the butterbeer, which wasn’t strong at all, so that by the time the gold of the evening sunlight was glowing through the windows and it was time to head back to the castle for dinner, James was the most sober of the Gryffindor seventh years.
Sirius noticed. “Ah, Prongs,” he sighed dramatically as everyone slid out of the booth to stumble their way back to the castle. “You’ve become too saintly for us.”
James glanced at Lily, but she gave no indication that she had noticed his sobriety or heard Sirius’s comment of it, instead flouncing off arm and arm with the other girls. Of course, she was good at ignoring things when she wanted. “Just trying not to be irresponsible.”
Sirius gave an even deeper sigh and slung his arms around Remus and Pete, who sagged under his weight. “You hear that, lads? James is officially responsible. Bugger me.” He shook his head.
“Does that mean you’re giving up on our last big hurrah?” Pete asked mischievously, ducking out of Sirius’s grip so that Remus was left to nearly topple to the ground in an attempt to hold the both upright.
“That’s not what I meant,” James said, following the girls, who had already made it out the front door. “Just– N.E.W.T.s are really soon. I want to get some studying done tonight, and I can’t get that done if I’m drunk off my arse.”
“Since when do you care about N.E.W.T. scores?” Remus asked, shoving Sirius off of him and leaving him to stumble into a nearby table and start profusely apologizing to the pair of Ravenclaws occupying it. “Quidditch recruiters don’t care about marks.”
“And haven’t we all decided that none of us really need top marks?” Sirius asked, catching up to them at the door, his tone much more serious now. “Not with what we’re planning to do, anyway.”
“Don’t you think my parents want us to at least do our best?” James held open the door as the other three walked through.
“Effie and Monty will be happy with whatever I do,” Sirius said with a pompous shrug, and James rolled his eyes. “I’m their favorite.”
“You really are. Which means I have to work twice as hard to reach their lofty expectations.” James knew that wasn’t true– if his parents were anything, it was unfailingly proud of everything he did. But he wanted the other three to drop the topic, and maybe have an excuse to stay in the common room later than normal.
Luckily for him, this answer seemed to suffice. Peter took the time to lament their repeated loss of Defense Against the Dark Arts professors and complained that since he had never had consistent instruction in the class, there was no way that he would be able to scrap and E, while Remus and Sirius started to hang back, taking advantage of the emptying streets to walk a little closer. Jmaes felt a spike of jealousy and watched Lily up ahead.
They had had spats before. But she had never ignored him like this since before they had gotten together. Was she tired of him? Had she realized that however much he had changed, she still found him to be an arrogant toe-rag?
Sure, he was still a little irresponsible. He had told her his plans to get pissed on one of their last free study weekends, even if he hadn’t gone through with it. He was reckless– he had discarded offers from some of the top Quidditch Teams in the league. He was big-headed, if it was big-headed to want to teach a lesson to a couple of extremists.
He grimaced inwardly. Laying it out like that… He hoped Lily would hear him out.
If he could just explain himself. Maybe she would listen. Maybe he could win her back before she realized she was much too good for him.
It was nearly half past midnight when James and Lily were finally left alone in the common room. Pete and Mary were the last to go up after they got invested in several rounds of chess– Pete had been trying to teach her since fifth year, and it seemed she had finally begun to catch up in skill.
James had his Charms textbook open but hadn’t taken a word of it in. He had been chatting, making comments about Mary and Pete’s imaginary tournament, and glancing at Lily the whole evening. She couldn’t ignore him as easily in the common room with the quieter atmosphere, but she still wasn’t engaging him directly. She had her cat, Ginger, curled on her lap and was making a big fuss about brushing out his long fur as a way of avoiding being dragged too much into conversation.
As soon as James heard the creaks of the dormitory doors shut, he closed his book and waved his wand, whispering “Muffliato.” He leaned forward in the squashy sofa towards Lily’s armchair. “Lily, please, talk to me.”
Lily was quiet for a moment, and paused in her grooming of Ginger. The cat leapt down from her lap and went to slink into the shadows. “Well, you promised to explain yourself.” She held out her hands in an accepting gesture. “So, go on. Let’s hear it.”
“Well.” James swallowed, unsure of where to start. “Well, I wrote back to the Arrows, Bats, and Puddlemere United. And I told them no.”
Lily huffed. “We’ve well established that, Potter. I want a reason as to why you’re throwing your future aside.”
“I’m not throwing my future aside,” James said quickly. “There are more important things. Things that can’t wait to be done. I’ve already spoken to Dumbledore about it. I want to fight.”
Though he hadn’t expected this answer to please her, he wasn’t ready for the disdain in her voice. “Oh, of course. Brave, white knight James Potter is going to fight.” She threw her arms in the air in mock celebration. “Coming to the aid of the poor muggle-borns and half-breeds. What a hero!”
James was stung. “What? That’s not– I’m not trying to act the hero or anything!”
“Of course that’s what you’re doing,” Lily scoffed. “It’s what you’ve been doing the entire time we’ve been together! Threatening the Slytherins any time they so much as glare at me, throwing jinxes anytime you hear the word ‘mudblood’, getting all high and mighty and preaching about how proud you are to be a blood traitor.” She stood and turned her back on him, staring into the dying embers of the fireplace. “I was dealing with everything just fine on my own without you defending me from it. I can fight my own battles.”
This was not at all how James had expected the argument to go. “I never thought you couldn’t!” he exclaimed, standing up and moving to place his hand on her shoulder. “Lily, you know I’ve done all of that well before we got together–”
“I don’t want you to think you have to!” She turned, knocking his hand aside. “You’re a pure-blood. None of this is your fight. And I can handle it myself.”
James laughed humorously. “Do you want me to live up to my pure-blood status?” he demanded, throwing up his hands. “Do you want me to think I’m better than you and Remus and Mary and everyone else just because you come from families that didn’t marry their cousins?”
“I don’t want you risking your own neck for mine!” she shouted, then clapped her hand over her mouth and glanced up, as though expecting footsteps.
“I cast Muffliato,” he said, the moment of quiet still reminding him to lower his own voice. He didn’t like shouting at her, and he knew she didn’t like shouting at him either.
“Right.” Her cheeks were slightly flushed. “Sorry. Still shouldn’t have yelled.”
“It’s alright,” he responded. “I was raising my voice, too.”
There was a moment of quiet where Lily stared down at their feet and James studied her face.
“What did you mean,” he asked, “when you said I shouldn’t risk my neck for your’s?”
“That’s what you’re doing, isn’t it?” She shrugged. “You’re fighting in a war for me. And I don’t want you to get hurt or to… to…” She trailed off.
“I’m not fighting for you,” he said quietly.
She looked up, her green eyes bright. She looked as though she was about to cry.
“I’m not going to war just to protect you,” he said again, finally starting to understand. “I love you, Lily, and of course I want to protect you, but I knew I was going to join this war and fight He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named long before you agreed to go out with me.”
“Really?”
“Really,” James promised. “You can ask any of the others. Padfoot and I decided before we even had our career consultation with McGonagall in fifth year. We all did.”
Lily hugged him, burying her face in his shoulder, and he felt his whole body sag with relief as he hugged her back. “I was afraid I was going to get you killed,” she whispered, voice muffled in the fabric of his shirt.
James chuckled and squeezed her tighter. “I was afraid you were about to break up with me because I was immature.”
She hummed. “I’m over that by now.”
They pulled from the hug just far enough for their lips to connect.
James knew he was a romantic, but even he was still a bit stunned by the way he could fall in love with Lily just a bit more every time they kissed. He grinned into the kiss, and when their teeth clicked together they both broke into giggles.
“I hope this means you won’t be mad at me,” she said, the smile fading from her face slightly.
“What could I ever be mad at you for?” he asked, trailing his hands down her shoulders to clasp her own.
She took a deep breath. “I’m going to fight too.”
He had been expecting it. He knew it far before she told him in this moment, before she had agreed to be his girlfriend. Lily Evans had always been a fighter, had always stood up to the bigger bully and put them in their place. But it still felt like a punch to know for a fact that she would be risking her life. How could he blame her for lashing out at him?
“I know,” he murmured. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to stay out of the action.”
She squeezed his hand. “You and me, fighting side by side. We’ll win.”
“You and me against the world,” he agreed. “I love you, Lily Evans.”
“I love you too, James Potter.”
And though they were talking about a war, where so many had already died, and so many more would, James felt more at peace than he ever had. He wondered if he could cast an Impediment Jinx so strong that the both of them could live in that moment forever.