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Talon, by no means, would describe himself as silly.
Talon was perfectly happy with his identity. He was just a normal assassin doing normal assassin things. Everything to make his family proud. He didn't let anything distract him; it was his pride and joy to be able to perform at this level. Truly, the only ones able to rival him were his sister and father.
He realized at a young age that sex just wasn't something that interested him. It was something he experienced. Sometimes missions called for a bit more… subtlety, but he never really enjoyed it. Okay, sure, he felt physical pleasure, but that was just a feeling. A feeling he didn't particularly want. Sometimes he wondered if he was broken. He heard other men boasting about their experiences, but for him, it was rather neutral. It wasn't something he needed. It wasn't something he wanted. It was just… there.
He never even considered sleeping with someone without a mission. Hells, he never even considered someone attractive until… well. Today.
He was at his favorite bar, waiting for an informant to appear, when someone approached him. It was a guy. Blonde hair, blue eyes, pretty face… huh?
He asked if he was lonely. No. He wasn't. His sister was at home. The stranger chuckled and sat down next to him, tilting his head a little. And then he asked whether Talon would like some… special company.
Huh?
Talon froze, staring at the man. Now, he wasn't dumb. Clearly, the man meant sex, but… Talon was unmistakably a man. Was it even physically possible? Could men even feel attraction to each other like that?
After a few seconds of hesitation, Talon excused himself, leaving the blonde back at the bar. He would never admit he ran to the Du Couteau mansion.
So that led him here. Sitting in his room with a pounding headache. On his floor. Hiding his red face under his hood.
He had never been this flustered before. He was flirted with before! Granted, it was all women, but he knew how he should react. He should be bored, he should just ignore them, and he should keep waiting for the informant. What he shouldn't have done was… everything he just did.
Why was he even this flustered? The guy was even that pretty with his soft hair and tiny freckles and the cutest little dimples and… Talon definitely shouldn't be thinking this way.
But… that guy really didn't seem bothered by the fact that Talon was a guy—hell, it seemed like he was interested because he was a guy. So, was it okay? No one ever told him that two guys shouldn't be together, but… that wasn't the status quo. Mother and father weren't two guys. Darius and his wife definitely weren't two guys. Even Katarina didn't mention a girl. Everything pointed towards those relationships being the status quo.
Talon couldn't afford to stand out. His whole job—no, his life—was about blending in. Being exceptional, but being silent. Everyone knows his name, but no one knows him. Such a relationship with another man… would make him stand out. Right? Besides, was he even interested in other men like… like that?
His thoughts raced as he closed his eyes. He didn't expect to think of anything, and yet… there was something. Something he considered well hidden.
It was when he was younger. His father wanted him to train against bigger and stronger men, so he hired one of the army guys to beat him. It was a hot summer day, and no one was surprised when the man took off his shirt. No one bothered. No one, except for…
His eyes shot wide open as the view of the man's perfectly shaped abs appeared in his mind. He remembered Cassie’s voice as she hummed with approval.
“I enjoy well-built men.” She said, when he raised his brow at her. “They're quite a sight to behold.”
Were they?
Like, sure, they were similar to those paintings he saw in the mansion, and Talon was surprisingly interested in touching those muscles, but that was just… admiring someone’s hard work? Right? Like, if he was to think of that guy from the bar kissing him, surely that would've been disgu–
…
Ooh.
But surely, sex didn't seem that interesting? Talon bit his lip, thinking. He had… issues with imagining what sex between two men would look like, but strangely, he wasn't opposed to
that. He didn't feel like it was something he needed, and yet… he wasn't repulsed by the idea of having it.
Talon’s brows furrowed as he looked down. He was confused.
What even was the difference between men and women? What decided who he was attracted to and who not? He met people whose gender didn't align with their bodies. Where did they fall? Was it normal? No one ever told him it was, but no one ever told him it wasn't. Was he just blind to those relationships, or were they rare?
Talon pinched the bridge of his nose as he felt his headache grow. He wasn't made for thoughts like that. He was supposed to do what he was told, why would he even think about that?
Would he be wrong for trying to act out on these thoughts? Would he be wrong for meeting… a guy? Talking to him? Possibly…loving him? Loving someone…
He loved his father. He cared about his sisters. But loving someone else? It felt reckless, but… if he was to choose? He'd like it to be a guy.
There was a strange thought that appeared in his head, like a worm wriggling inside.
Men just… felt right. For him. There was no reason why. No reason why he couldn't imagine himself holding hands with a woman, no reason why he didn't think sex with them was enjoyable. But, surprisingly, for the first time in his life, Talon thought that maybe some things didn't need a reason. An excuse.
Maybe he was just allowed to… be a certain way.
Maybe…
…maybe he just… was a certain way.
Talon shook his head as he finally relaxed his shoulders.
Well, wasn't that a silly thought.