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The following is an archived recording from the April 2nd, 2088 broadcast of the Barlier News Network:
"Good morning New Cooley City! This is your host, Patrice Barlier, and welcome to BNN News!"
"Today’s gonna be a real scorcher up here in the Canadian Republic with temperatures reaching the upper eighties. Thank the Spirit for our skyscrapers blocking out the sun or else we’d be in big trouble! All you folks out in Euclid and beyond though, you better turn your fans up to high gear and hope you don’t roast!"
"As for today’s news, l’Ausseil Bauer of the Bauer Corporation has just announced a new line of Broumet cyberware! So, everyone who can afford it better head on down and pick up some shiny new top-shelf toys for the upcoming Foundation Day Festival! And on the topic of new tech, the Aurousseau Firm has unveiled a new line of Undine EMP Drones! Company CEO Bartley Aurousseau is quoted with saying “Much like the previous version, these drones will be operated using artificial intelligence. Additionally, my son has worked tirelessly to refine the Familiar Program and ensure that these drones will be safe for military usage."
"I for one look forward to when this new version inevitably goes wrong just like the last one."
"In other news, unrest in the lower-class citizens has led to a protest forming outside the capital building. The NCCPD are doing their best prevent a full-blown riot, but the protestors are demanding better and equal treatment at the hands of the government and the megacorps. But hey, that’s how this world works, and if they can’t stand the heat they should get out of the kitchen!"
"Speaking of unrest, the notorious Demon Gang has caused a deadly shootout in the Eastern residential district, leading to 28 dead and several dozen injured and hospitalized. It is unclear which of the factions was responsible for this incident, as none of them have taken credit publicly. However, the raw brutality has led authorities to believe that this is the work of Platos. Those of you out east listening to this broadcast, glad to see you’re still kicking! Here’s hoping it stays that way!"
"And finally, today is April 2nd, so you know what that means! Today is the first day of the semester for Bauer Academy! So, I’d like to wish all of you students starting classes today good luck on your new corporate school careers! You all have very promising futures ahead of you, I’m sure!"
"But that’s all for now! Until next time, you all stay safe, stay cool, and try not to get shot! This is Patrice Barlier signing off! Catch you on the flip side!"