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A colder night than usual, silent, lonely. Almost, since this time there was that boy sleeping next to him, maybe it wouldn't feel so cold if he were hugging the boy, but he couldn't complain.
It was a miracle that he had agreed to stay over, lately, Shinji had been distant, well, more than usual. But he still stayed physically close to Kaworu, staying in his house often, silently occupying space while listening to that SDAT of his, almost completely ignoring the angel. Repeating the same song over and over again, repeating the same thing every day, repeating everything he claims to regret... Why do lilin have to be such confusing creatures? Ever since the incident with Lilith, it was as if the dark-haired boy couldn't look at those red eyes without getting frustrated, as if he had been the one affected. As if he were the one who did not obtain freedom. As if he were not the one who denied it.
Shinji couldn't even fulfill his last wish, Shinji didn't even loved him, and on top of that, he was angry about what had happened? The angel wanted to simply get into his mind somehow, to know what kind of things were going on there, to figure out if now he even liked him at all. Maybe that was why Shinji didn't end his life on the spot. Maybe now he didn't want to lose him. It was absurd.
"Ah... ahh...-" A sound brought Kaworu out of his current thoughts, and his memories now took him back to a similar moment. Then turned around on the bed to see Shinji.
"Again...? Does he hyperventilate once a week or something?" He rolled his eyes for a second before acting. Kaworu already knew what to do, it worked once. Shinji would be pissed, even more than last time, but at the very least he would stop hyperventilating.
With even less hesitation than last time, Kaworu approached, positioning himself almost on top of Shinji. He tried to turn him over before stopping himself, he wasn't hyperventilating... Was he... crying?
"Ah... D-dad...? Fa-... father..." Could be heard between sobs. He knew Shinji had a bad relationship with his father, but was it really bad enough to have nightmares?
This was a new situation, Kaworu had no idea what to do. It seemed that the more time passed, the worse his dream got. "Father... N-no.. No... Father..."
A strange feeling came over the angel as he saw the boy crying, helpless. Something melted in his chest and tied his throat, it felt icy, it wasn't painful, it was annoying, it was similar to the first time he cried fighting Armisael. But somehow he knew Shinji was feeling something worse than that, it was as if Kaworu felt a small portion of his pain.. was that... empathy?
After a few moments, Kaworu allowed himself to sigh and lay down on the bed again, a little closer to Shinji, who was still sobbing. It didn't look like he was going to calm down anytime soon on his own, and it was already getting to the point of being a bit tedious.
Although it wasn't a pleasant feeling, Kaworu tried to feel some of that 'empathy' again. At least for him to stop crying and sleep in peace.
What would he want if he were the one having a bad dream?
If he were crying?
...What did he wanted when he cried for the first time?
...
One arm held the boy from behind, then the other made its way under his body to hold him more firmly, pulling his own body a little closer. At first the sobbing continued, but the tears and soft murmurs gradually subsided.
"...Nagisa?"
A colder night than usual, silent, lonely. But now there was a boy he was hugging, and this time, even if the boy was still sleeping, he accepted it.
"You. I wanted you. That's what I wanted... Maybe we're not so different, after all."
Maybe not.