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Darius was sitting alone, going over his feelings over and over. Conflicting everything and making everything so much more complicated in his head than it needed to be. Did he actually like Brooklynn? Or did he convince himself he did? He didn’t know, he never knows. He calls himself stupid, over and over.
He looked up at the night sky, scattered with stars. Just like the boat that they got back to the mainland in. He remembers the dark sky, purple flooded between the cracks of darkness. He was sitting alone, legs hanging from the boat that night.
As he was now.
He felt like the moon was following him, watching. Listening. It freaked him out, almost.
“Earth to Darius Bowman? Hello?” He didn't even register that Ben plopped down next to him, or that he had a hand on his shoulder.
“Sorry. I.. zoned out.” Darius laughed a little, shifting slightly on the spot. Ben brought his hands to himself, running them through his hair. Darius looked at him from the corner of his eye, “Y’know.. I’ll never get used to.. You being..” He gestured above his head, watching as Ben laughed. There was something about his laugh, even when Brooklynn laughed when she was staying at his cabin. It never felt like this. It could never compare.
“Have you been bench pressing dinosaurs or something? You were so scrawny back on Nublar..” Darius whispered, then gasped dramatically; “Are you turning into a dinosaur, Ben?” He snorted.
Ben burst out laughing, wiping away his tears.
It faded into silence for a couple of seconds; They just stared at the sky.
“So Brooklynn, eh?” Ben turned to him, and Darius couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Nor what if he was feeling. “What?” He raised a brow.
“You said you loved her, a few hours ago. Or did you hit your noggin’ too hard?” Ben snorted, playfully punching Darius. “Do you want to get up on one of the crates? We’ll have a better view..” He gestured at the sky, looking back to Darius.
“Okay,” Is all Darius responded.
–
“Oh, it really is beautiful up here!” Darius' eyes shined with adoration, one look he would always give Ben. Did he ever let Brooklynn see that expression?
“It is.” Ben responded, smiling at Darius widely.
“You didn't answer my question though, Darius.” Darius turned to him with a raised brow.
“Brooklynn, you said you loved her.” He turned back to look at the sky. Darius sighed, letting his legs hang from the crate. He laid down, putting his hands behind his head. “I don't know.. I think I just.. I don't know.” He huffed.
Ben laid down in the same manner as Darius, legs swinging from the crate as he put one hand behind his head, other resting on his chest.
“I never had a girlfriend.”
Darius snapped his head from the lights in the sky to Ben's face immediately like he just dropped a bombshell. Which he did!
“What?”
“I never had a girlfriend.” He repeated, “It's just.. everyone had relationships and I felt a bit left out.. I said it in the heat of the moment.” Ben's eyes shifted to Darius with a look of.. he couldn't tell. At all.
“I didn't want to believe myself at first, how I could feel this way about..” – He coughed awkwardly, and Darius swore if he put his hand on Ben's cheek, it would be warmer than an oven. – “About boys.”
Darius’ eyes widened a bit, he never picked up on this! Were all the signs right in front of him? Did he miss them?
“Boys?” Darius said with surprise, “Are you gay?”
Darius could've sworn he shifted closer.
“I didn't think I could feel that way, but when a girl basically messed up my first kiss on campus.. it just.. didn't feel right.” Ben shifted on the spot, “I just, uh, it's just –” He paused and took a breath. “I've loved someone. For years. Only to find out he loves someone else.” He turned to look up at the sky again.
“I'm sorry that happened Ben, he must've been a dick.” He put his hand on Ben's shoulder.
Ben snorted, “Do you not catch on?”
“What?”
Ben turned to Darius, immediately sitting up. “Nevermind.” He chuckled in a hurry, almost as if he was on edge. “Ben, what do you mean?” He said with a bit of sternness to his tone, placing his hand firmly on Ben's shoulder.
“You can tell me, dude.” He rubbed small circles into Ben's back. The slightest bit of pressure caused Ben's mind to spiral into a whirlwind of love.
Ben's breath caught in his throat, and he was rethinking his choices. He looked Darius in the eyes, getting lost in them all over again. As he always did. “Darius, I..” He cut himself off, it was like his throat was swelling up – like someone was choking him.
In the moment of sheer panic, Ben's impulsive jungle-boy persona must've taken the controls in his head, and he closed the gap between Darius' lips, and his own.
Darius’ eyes widened almost as wide as saucers, but he didn't find the strength to pull away. He didn't want to. The kiss was awkward, their noses were bumping together and it was clear Ben didn't really know what he was doing.
And as the kiss began, it ended almost immediately. Ben ripped himself away almost instantly. Darius chased after him for a second, before staring at him. Ben's eyes flashed everywhere but Darius' eyes, his nervousness finally caught up to him. “I'm sorry, I—”
“I'm gonna go check on Bumpy.” He said quickly, his face was as red as those knock off Twibblers he tried to give to Darius.
“Wait – Ben..” Darius tried reaching out for him, but Ben was already making his way down from the crate and onto the boat deck.
He took a while to process everything that had just conspired, his heart was thumping loudly against his chest, his face was definitely red on his dark skin.
Darius brought his fingers up to his lips; the lips where Ben's were just a moment ago.
That's why it felt different. That's why he didn't understand when he always yearned for Ben's slight touches, or his attention. That's why he couldn't compare this to Brooklynn. He was in love with him. And it seemed to date back to Nublar.
“Ben! Wait up! – please!”
It was about time he got his head out of the sand.