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“Stop throwing a temper tantrum!” dazai rememberd those words all to well, they had been carved into his mind, he would never forget those cruel words or the misery that came before and after them, he was 13 his tears and blood being quickly washed away by the water as the shower ran noisly, he couldn't cry,he shouldn't, another cut, the hand holding his blade seemed to run across his skin of its own volition, his wrists were already a bloody scard mess but what's to stop him adding to it?, all he remembered after that was a cold hand grabbing his wrist and dragging him out of the scalding hot shower and tightly wrapping bandages around his crimson skin with that stupid grin on his disgusting face he had started yelling at him when those words came out of his mouth “stop throwing a temper tantrum”, he had stopped. The feeling of being the worst person in the world had stabbed him in the heart, no stabbing him in the heart would Imply that it was comforting, more like pulling the dagger out.
He was lying in the middle of the room his wrists the same shade of the crimson, his whisky bottles scatterd around him as those words thuded around and forced themself into his head, he wanted them to go away but he couldn't feel the same warm fading from blood loss or the alchol numbing his mind,he probably just needed more of a drink but he could feel something clawing our of his throat he stumbled over to the toilet, he wasn't even really aware of what was coming out of his throat he just kneeled there his fingers digging into the toilet seat, his consciousness slowly fading, one dot two dot, three dots….