Chapter Text
If you were asked who your role model was, you’d answer with two people: All Might and your mother.
Even if your mom wasn’t a powerful hero like All Might, she was your hero, imparting breadths of knowledge that no one else could. More importantly, your mother’s heart was filled with so much love – love that she used to grow and nurture you; to care for you.
Through her rocky divorce with your cheating father, your mother made sure to prioritize you. After the divorce, too, she made sure you had clothes on your back, food in your stomach, a roof over your head, and love in your heart. Being a single mother wasn’t easy, but she made it work.
If she was asked why she tried so hard, she’d easily answer that it was because of love.
To you, that hadn’t made a lot of sense.
“Love is complicated,” your mother would say as she brushed your hair. “It’s not something you have to understand.”
To you, that sounded like an excuse. Marred by your feelings towards your father, love itself felt like a murky substance, tarry and dark. It felt like quicksand, grasping at your ankles and dragging you deeper and deeper as you struggled and clawed your way out to not suffocate. So you decided that you’d never fall in love. You’d still love your family and friends, but there was no reason to fall in love – to give your heart wholly to someone else so they could cut it to pieces once they were bored of you.
At least, that was what you had thought until you met Todoroki Shoto.
When you had first met Todoroki Shoto, he had just been your new seatmate at school. Nervous jitters shot through your veins as your fingers tapped against your chair idly. You hadn’t thought you’d have made it so far, but you did. You got into one of the most prestigious hero schools in the country! You were only shaken out of your thoughts when you heard the chair next to you move, a chilly breeze accompanying the sound.
Surprised, you looked up, eyes locking onto your new deskmate. His face was impassive as he organized his belongings. It was hard not to stare, with how elegantly he carried himself – not to mention that he was probably one of the most beautiful people you had ever seen.
“May I help you?” his voice cut in, heterochromatic eyes meeting yours. You jolted, face feeling hot due to embarrassment at being caught.
“Uh – no. I mean. Hi.” You introduced yourself, cursing internally at how awkward your voice sounded.
“Todoroki Shoto,” he responded curtly, before going back to organizing his belongings.
Well. You looked forward, before placing your head down on your desk.
That was embarrassing.
Still, your initial meeting was a catalyst for more interactions with Todoroki Shoto. Just a little chatter here and there, talking about assignments, sharing snacks… All of that led to you and Todoroki growing close. It wasn’t love, at least not initially. Movies and novels made love seem explosive, something that burned and bloomed in your chest. But your love was a slow process, more akin to a simmering heat than a blazing fire. It had started with small jokes and gentle smiles, before progressing to holding hands and cuddling. Eventually, it had grown to thinking that it wouldn’t be bad if it was Todoroki Shoto who held your hand forever.
Love with Todoroki Shoto felt like a walk on the sandy beach, warm sand shifting below your feet. It felt like the gentle breeze that would tousle your hair and the glimmering sea that sparkled underneath the sun rays.
When Todoroki looked at you with warmth in his gaze, you couldn’t help the heat that blossomed in your heart – your heart full like the ocean and warm like the sun.
So, introducing Todoroki to your mother was a daunting task – your two most important people were meeting, after all. All you could do was hope they’d get along. Thankfully, despite Todoroki’s slightly dry humor, he got along quite well with your mother. What had started off as an intimidating day ended with laughter. When Todoroki excused himself to get some water, your mother winked at you.
“You’ve got quite a charmer, hm?” she teased, making you laugh.
“It’s because I got my charm from you,” you responded, a wide grin on your face.
The sides of your mother’s eyes crinkled at that as she gently grasped your hands in hers. “I’m proud of you, I hope you know that.”
“Mom…”
“And I want your happiness more than anything.” Your mother’s eyes drooped, the wrinkles on her face becoming more prominent. The calluses on her hands dragged against your palms, and you suddenly realized just how much older your mother had gotten. “Are you happy, sweetheart?”
“Yes,” you murmured, suddenly feeling bigger than your mother. “...Are you?”
Your mother’s face suddenly looked younger, glowing with affection for you. “I am.”
Perhaps you should’ve expected it, you thought, staring blankly in front of you. Something about the news of your mother’s impending death was so foreign to you. Todoroki’s hand on yours didn’t feel real, even as he pulled you into his arms.
“She was fine,” you murmured once your head rested on his broad chest. “She – she was fine. Healthy.”
“She was,” Todoroki agreed as your eyes started to blur with tears.
“She was supposed to watch me get married. She was supposed to play with her grandchildren and impart her knowledge. She was supposed to – I was supposed to take care of her this time.”
Todoroki was silent as he continued to cradle you in his arms.
After a while, you said, “...Shoto,” with a crack in your voice.
His warm hand continued to rub soothing circles into your shoulder.“Yes?”
“Can we get married?”
Todoroki stiffened in surprise, before he quickly relaxed. He pulled away from you to cradle your face in his hands. His eyes were warm, kind, as he looked at you. “I want to. I’ve always wanted to. But are you sure?” His thumb ran across your cheeks, brushing your tears away. “Love, I don’t want you to rush this decision.”
“We’ve talked about marriage before and I’ve thought about it a lot,” you murmured. “If you’re okay with it, I want to. I know – I know that it’s complicated but I… I’d like my mom to see me in a wedding dress at least once and… I don't think I’d want to marry anyone but you.”
“I don’t want to marry anyone else other than you, too.” Todoroki kissed your forehead, before looking at you with so much warmth and love that it made you want to cry again. “I want you to be my first and forever, Love. Will you marry me?”
A tear rolled down your face. “I’d love nothing more.”
Todoroki and his family dealt with most of the wedding proceedings, though not without your input. They valued what little ideas you offered them and worked hard to make your wedding successful. You’d have felt more guilt for pushing wedding responsibilities to the Todorokis, but your hands were full with taking care of your mother. Your mother’s body grew smaller and smaller every time you saw her, yet her smile remained big and vigilant as she told you stories from the past. The day you went to the amusement park, your birthdays, your graduations… Stories would flow out of her mouth endlessly, each one filled with love towards you. She’d tell you things that even you’d forgotten, combing through albums and albums of pictures that you didn’t even know she had.
“Do you remember the time you first talked about Todoroki to me?” she laughed in her wheelchair, rubbing soothing circles onto your shoulders as you trained your nerves. “You said that there was this really powerful and handsome guy in your class and–”
“Mom,” you huffed out, feeling yourself flush. Somehow, talking to your mother made the wedding jitters less prominent.
Your mother laughed. “I never thought you’d be marrying him.”
“Yeah… It’s kind of hard to believe.”
“I bet,” she hummed. Silently, she continued to rub soothing circles into your shoulder, before she wiped away the stray tears rolling down her cheeks. “You look beautiful, sweetheart. I–I’m so proud of you. I’ve always been proud of you and I’ll always be proud of you.”
You felt your eyes grow damp at her words. “Mom…”
“Thank you for growing into such a wonderful person, sweetheart.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you,” you responded, trying your best to keep your tears at bay to not ruin your makeup.
“And just remember, no matter what happens, you’ll always be my child. I’ll always be proud of you and–” her hands, boney and frail, grasped your hands with surprising strength. “I want you to be happy. That’s always what I’ve wanted. That’s all I’ll want.”
“Mom…”
“So… Do what makes you happiest, okay? Sometimes life doesn’t have right answers, and that’s okay. What you decide is the right answer for you – I’ll support it.” She gave your hand another squeeze. “And if there are times when you can’t be happy, that’s okay, too. Just… Take your time to heal and stand up stronger. I–” a sob escaped your mom’s throat. “Oh, sweetheart, I love you so much.”
You blinked away your tears as you drew her into a big hug. “I love you too, mom.”
Numbness spread throughout your bones as you watched your mother get buried. Your emotions swung like a pendulum, partially on the verge of crying and partially unbelieving that she was gone . You thought that the days leading up to her death had prepared you, but you can’t ever be ready for someone to leave you. Maybe that was why nothing really felt real to you. Even when Todoroki held you to his side, you could barely feel it.
“Love, are you okay?” he asked, as you blankly stared ahead.
After a beat, you finally settled with saying, “I’m not sure.”
“That’s fine, then,” Todoroki murmured, kissing your temple. “But know that I’m here, okay?”
“Yeah,” you buried your face into his chest, tears rolling down your cheeks. “Yeah.”
Three years since then – your marriage to Todoroki Shoto and your mother’s death passed by quickly. Being a pro-hero has kept both you and Todoroki occupied – so occupied that sometimes, you wouldn’t see each other at all. Still, you like to think that you two make it work. You guys work together in tandem, together. Your mother’s death still stings and it’ll most likely always sting. Time heals all wounds, but it doesn’t erase them. Still, you’re glad that you loved your mother – that you still do. The love forged between you and your mother allowed you to know the most amazing woman in your life.
So, to honor her memory, you opt to be happy. You can’t always be happy, of course, but you try to find joy in the little things, like the dinners with your husband and movie nights with your friends. This is one such night and you can’t help but hum lightly as you prepare dinner. You and Todoroki have your first night off since a long time, so why not celebrate with a nice bowl of soba?
When the door clicks open, singling that your husband is back, you turn to him, a bright smile on your face. You walk up to him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Welcome back!”
“Ah, yeah, I’m back.” Todoroki shuffles out of his shoes, organizing them neatly.
“Well, how was your day?” you ask.
“It was fine,” he responds curtly, heading towards the direction of your room. Startled, you call out to him, making him turn to you curiously.
“Ah… Nothing. Just… I made soba for us. For dinner.”
“Oh, thank you,” he responds, his lips quirking up a little, before he heads back to your shared room. You rub your arm, lips pursed.
He had forgotten to kiss you.
You’re not sure when things changed. You can’t say that it was sudden, but you can’t say that it was expected, either. High school romances don’t last usually, sure, but you thought you and Todoroki were different. That you’d last. And you hope that you will. But things are changing, you can feel it.
Todoroki doesn’t kiss you when he leaves or comes back from home. He doesn’t seem to rush to come home to you. He doesn’t say, “I’m home,” but rather says, “I’m back.”
But more than that, he doesn’t look at you like he used to. He doesn’t look at you with the warmth of the sun anymore. He doesn’t look at you like he used to back when you were both fifteen.
Still, Todoroki himself can’t seem to break previous habits. He still surprises you with treats. He still tells his odd little jokes, smiling when he makes you laugh. He still asks you about your day, asks if you’re working too hard.
It breaks your heart because you can’t help but wonder if you’re the problem. The kindness in his actions makes you wonder if he might be able to love you again, if you’d be able to set his eyes ablaze with the love he once had for you. Most others might have given up, but you’re a fighter. You’ve always been a fighter. So you try harder. You send him more loving texts, you pack him lunch, you dress up more – you change for him.
But he still doesn’t look at you like he used to and it tears you up inside. Why aren’t you good enough anymore? Why can’t you be good enough? Your thoughts swirl and swirl until they become a murky black, unrecognizable as you throw up.
You stare blankly at your positive pregnancy test, unsure of what to make of it.
That night, you and Todoroki eat dinner quietly. There aren’t jokes flung around or laughter filling the air. However, there is no tenseness, either. No bitterness, no anger.
“We need to talk,” you both say, suddenly.
“I–” you swallow. “You go first, Shoto.”
“No, you can.”
“I insist.” Your hand curls into a fist on your knee.
“...Okay,” Shoto says, though his voice is quieter than usual. “...This isn’t working anymore.”
You’re not sure how to respond, suddenly feeling like you’re not even in your own body. Todoroki notices, you can tell by the way his eyes flicker to yours. His lips purse at the tremble in your lip.
“I think we should divorce.”
“I’m pregnant,” you blurt, suddenly not in control of your own self. “Shoto, I’m pregnant.”
His eyes widen at that, before he looks contemplative. “I see.” After a beat, he asks, “Do you want to keep it?”
“What I want is to work through our marriage,” you murmur, and Todoroki’s eyes soften at that. He’s always been soft on you, even through the growing distance.
“If you decide to keep it, I’ll support you. You know I’ll always support you.”
You can feel your eyes begin to sting with tears. “Can’t we try, Shoto? Can’t we try to save this marriage?” With your blurry vision, you try to look into Shoto’s gaze, trying to find a sign – any sign. Any sign that he still loves you.
“You’ll always mean a lot to me,” he murmurs, but doesn’t reach for you like he used to. Instead, he lays his hands down on his lap. “And that’s why you deserve more. You don’t deserve to be held down by me when I can’t provide you with what you need.”
Falling in love with Todoroki Shoto was like basking underneath the sun’s rays on the warm beach, but the beach’s sand had turned into quicksand over time. Slowly, surely, grasping around your ankles and dragging you deep. You had tried so hard to claw your way out, but it wasn’t good enough.
Maybe you aren't good enough.
“Okay,” you say, finally. “Okay.”
Somewhere in the back of your mind, your mother asks if you’re happy.
You don’t respond.