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Summary
Lucifer and Alastor are going to bring the newly rebuilt Hotel down with their fighting if they don't find a way to calm the fuck down, so Lucifer, being the very emotionally intelligent and normal guy that he is, proposes that they just bite the bullet and have sex. Alastor, equally emotionally intelligent and normal, sees his chance to show Lucifer some power that maybe the Fallen King of Hell will actually respond to.
Neither of them predict that overstimulating someone who has the ability to bend reality to his will might lead to some interesting side effects.
(AKA: Alastor fucks Lucifer with his tentacles. Lucifer's magic breaks containment and ends up making Alastor's death wounds appear.)
