Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Leon shows up in Cresta looking like he's trudged through hell, without Chaltier. Bonus points if it's raining.

Stahn is on him in an instant, almost crushing him before realizing he's little more than skin and bone.

Leon stays with them, in a kind of catatonic state for the first week or so. Kind of still doesn't believe he actually made it, maybe thinks he's hallucinating. It's not bad enough that he can't do self-maintenance, but it takes a little more effort to clean him up the first time. He doesn't react to Stahn helping wash his back, making sure he's got everything out of his hair, and double-checking the smaller things like under his nails. He'd been so perfectly well-groomed before that it's just disturbing to see exactly every bit of him out of sorts—and that's without considering how easy it is to count every one of his ribs. Afterward, Rutee patches Leon up and trims his hair while Stahn cries into hers.

Rutee still has complicated feelings about Leon, so Stahn's the one to watch over him for the majority of this rough period. Stahn talks at him about normal things, hoping to rouse him back into awareness. When he finally snaps out of it, it's a whirlwind of emotions. Apologies for both of them, confessions for Rutee about how conflicted he was on revealing their family status, being almost as open and honest as could be.

After that night, he's mostly back to normal. He tells them about his escape from the mines. How Chaltier had convinced him to at least try to get out. "If we're separated, keep going and don't hesitate. You need to breathe; I don't. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time a Swordian was lost at sea." Partway up, one of the falling rocks regrettably hit and tore Chal from his belt. He heard Chal call out to remind him to keep going, but his voice cut off abruptly with a flash signaling the shattering of his core. He'd nearly blacked out before reaching the surface, and was almost dragged back under several times by the suction caused by the rush of water into the mine—made worse by stubbornly staying to futilely call out for Chaltier, hoping he'd seen and heard wrong and that Chaltier's voice would echo up for him like Clemente's to Philia. But there was nothing.

The loss of Chaltier was one of the biggest reasons he got so lost, in more ways than one. He hadn't noticed how much he came to rely on Chal for more mindless tasks like memorizing the lay of the land. Add to that the lack of a weapon, magic, a map, supplies, and the grief of directly losing his most trusted companion through life, he'd gotten himself hopelessly lost just trying to survive. He doesn't tell them how many times he absentmindedly started talking to Chal just to remember he wasn't there.

They tell him about what's happened since the mines. At the mention of Marian's successful rescue, he wants to go see her to make sure she's still alright after whatever legal battles must have happened regarding the estate, but he's reminded that the whole reason the party even got back together after recovering the Eye of Atamoni was on orders from the King to hunt him down for stealing it. If he has a hope of re-entering society, he'll have to wait for everyone to be able to gather to vouch for him or risk being executed.

Since he can't really go anywhere, they insist he stays with them. When they were catching him up, they neglected to mention their marriage, and a change in their bond wasn't really something he was looking out for. Certainly wasn't something he ever expected.

It's slow going and awkward bonding with Rutee, but they both try their best. In their discussions, she pointedly doesn't mention Hugo's last moments. She's tangled up enough over it and all the possible implications as it is when she never knew him; there's no way she'd inflict that on Leon, too. There'd be no point. He already has to process the news that his father—the source of all his strife—wasn't his father.

It's easier with Stahn. They grow closer over the days, picking up where they left off. Leon laments his hesitation in taking the hand Stahn held out to him back then, wondering if he'd just been less stubborn and blind to all those willing to help him, if they all could have made it out together. Stahn offers his hand again and Leon takes it without pause. Stahn squeezes and says it's better late than never, and they're all going to help him get his life back.

Stahn is someone that it's difficult not to fall for. From his attentiveness during the first week to every effort he's made to make Leon feel welcome, and just how touchy-feely he's gotten as if he needs the confirmation that Leon isn't a ghost...

Leon had already been growing feelings for Stahn before the whole mess in the mines. With a new chance at life, he figures he should finally allow himself to be honest. He's been working himself up to say something about it for a while when he catches Stahn and Rutee kissing. Seeing his surprise, they realize they forgot to mention it and tell him about getting married.

Feeling all kinds of awkward and inappropriate, he tries to leave, saying he shouldn't have imposed for so long on a newlywed couple. Rutee snarks that yeah, Stahn wouldn't let her do anything at night because Leon was there and it'd be rude. Feeling worse by the second, he's just about out the door when Stahn catches his arm. Stahn asks what he plans to do, and Leon says he'll figure something out. Stahn asks him not to go. While Leon's happy to hear that, it hurts since he's essentially been turned down by the second person he's had feelings for, too. He says "Isn't harboring a criminal something you should discuss with your wife first?" and Rutee joins them at the door. She pushes him back into the house, "Nobody told you to leave. Do you really think I'd throw you out, fugitive status or no? I know I've prided myself on how heartless I am, but come on."

So he stays, but tries to make himself scarce, but there's not much he can do without risking being recognized even in Cresta, the literal middle of nowhere. So he spends a lot of time just outside the city, trying to get his body back into proper working order rather than the starvation-and-survival mode it's been in for so long. Somehow, Stahn always manages to find him for lunch.

He tries to withdraw back behind his walls, but Stahn keeps reaching out to him. His chest hurts. He really needs the distance and solitude so he can untangle everything inside for a chance to come to terms with it all, but Stahn keeps pulling him back and isn't letting go.

It comes to a head on a day that they're both resting at the house while Rutee's out running errands.

Stahn peeks around the corner to the living room with way too bright of a grin. When he's got Leon's attention, he sing-songs, "You'll never guess what I found stashed away~" Leon doesn't bother with a verbal response and already looks quite done. "Come on, you're gonna love it. Stand up and face away!" And though Leon responds that he's not in the mood for games, he does as asked anyway. He hears Stahn stepping up close behind him and fiddling with something metal, then both of his arms come around him. He startles, but there's nowhere to really go but backward, which earns him a grunt and 'whoa' before being told to hold still. Hands work near his collarbone and fasten something around his shoulders, and then his back is cold as Stahn backs away.

Leon looks down to see a familiar pink draped around him once more. His cape. Not just a cape, but his cape, with the lens and embellished clasp and everything. More than a little surprised, he turns around to ask but the wind is knocked out of him by just how wide Stahn is smiling down at him. He flinches when Stahn puts his hands on his shoulders as though to steady him while he looks him over, like he's checking that it still fits. He thinks he probably looks a bit ridiculous with it over the combination of clothes that both Stahn and Rutee lent him, but Stahn looks like he's appreciating art.

"We found it on the coastline. At the time, Rutee said it didn't mean anything, but I... it gave me hope that you were still alive." He wipes at one eye, still smiling. "I'm glad I kept it. I don't know if it was special to you or just another cape, but I figured you'd want it back."

Unable to keep watching the overflowingly fond way Stahn is looking at him, Leon distracts himself with checking the fabric over. It's in better shape than when he last wore it; the large tears from his one-sided fight with Hugo—no, Mictlan—are neatly mended.

"Rutee fixed it," Stahn readily supplies, "without anyone asking her to. After we stopped constantly swapping sides on hope and nay-saying, I think we both settled into quietly always hoping you were still out there somewhere."

Leon nods, recalling his own back-and-forth and sometimes irrational grieving over Chal. He pulls the cape tighter around himself. It's a welcome shield from the autumn chill, combined with whatever sun Stahn must be emulating in front of him. "I took it off when I decided to swim. It would have weighed me down and got caught. It's a miracle it somehow managed to escape on its own."

He's pulled in unceremoniously for another hug that Stahn's been all too willing to give since he got here. Leon hasn't returned any of them since the first after regaining awareness, and he doesn't think it appropriate to start now, so his arms stay at his sides. "Two pink miracles united then, huh?"

He must be blushing, he realizes belatedly with embarrassment. It's then that he notices just how warm his chest feels from all of these sentiments. They checked the coast looking for him. They kept, laundered and mended his cape just in case. They opened their home and arms to him. They saved Marian. And what has he given them in return? Not only has he gotten in the way of them bonding as newlyweds, but he's put them in danger for harboring a criminal. Somehow worst of all, he can't stop the noisy beast behind his ribs that's reaching out for his sister's husband.

Even if he wasn't currently deplorable, he never did anything to deserve this much warmth in the first place—but he already knows from the mines that Stahn would never believe that even if it's objectively true. His jaw trembles, but he speaks what gratitude he can as evenly as he can muster. "It seems somewhere along the way, there were more people waiting for me to come home, and I hadn't even noticed. I'm sorry."

Somehow, Stahn lights up even more. "Heheh. Welcome home?" There's too much hope in his voice, and he must know it, as he steps back and clears his throat, "I mean... to one of your homes."

Leon hopes that he can think of it that way one day without what-if's and guilt. But for now, he gives a smile a try. It feels like lifting boulders, but it elates Stahn enough that he doesn't seem to be able to think of more to say. So he flops down on to the couch beside where Leon had been sitting earlier, spread out like a happy starfish. It hits Leon then just how little it's taken from him to make Stahn happy, and he can't begin to fathom how or why. It's baffling and flattering and frustrating.

Stahn pats the space beside him, urging Leon to sit with him. With an uneasy stomach and nothing better to do, Leon yields. Lifting his cape a couple inches to sit without pulling it comes as a natural, thoughtless motion as if he hadn't spent a day without it. It's oddly satisfying.

"She's doing well. Marian, I mean," Stahn offers and Leon perks up immediately. "I don't know what's going on with the whole Oberon thing, but she's still at the manor. Or she was the last time we dropped by."

That's a relief. Now that Leon thinks about it, the last time he had seen her was when she had a knife to her throat. She had been trembling, yet standing strong. She couldn't move, and Leon had been too panicked at the time to really notice, but the look in her eyes reminded him of when he was small and about to do something he knew he shouldn't. Quite simply, it was the look of 'Don't.'

But of course he did anyway. The one time he didn't bow his head and listen to her like a good little boy.

He's brought out of what would have been a spiral by Stahn continuing. "Even when things were tough, she didn't want to leave. We put off telling her about what happened, since the world was kind of ending and all that. Figured that, if we didn't win, it'd be better she go out believing you were coming home any day." He absently toys with his hair. "I think, out of all of us, she had the most hope that you survived, even after we told her the truth."

Leon sets his forehead in his cold hand. "Even if I weren't a wanted criminal, I probably would have hesitated when I finally got there. I don't know how I'm going to face her after everything I've done in her name."

"I'm sure she'll understand. She might scold you a bit, but she'll definitely welcome you back with open arms. She's a really smart and nice lady, and real good at reading people, but you know that already," Stahn encourages.

"Yeah," Leon agrees simply, though there's a swirl of sentiments about how Marian is more than just a smart or nice person, but he can't straighten them out into words.

"She's really good at it, though. When we saved her, she already knew who I was! I didn't have to introduce myself or anything."

Leon freezes at that. Oh no.

"She said you told her so much about me that she just knew!"

Marian, no. The first thing she did when they met was tell Stahn all about—!? "I didn't tell her that much! You must have said something truly airheaded to tip her off that easily."

Stahn beams down at him, completely undaunted. "No, we were trying to be all stoic and business-like just in case our own worries made her nervous. I was on my best behavior and she still knew. Man, you really told her all about me, huh?"

"I—!!" Leon crosses his arms and turns away, knowing there's no hope of hiding anything on his face at this point. "I complained about you! About how your attitude rubs me the wrong way, and that your sunny disposition stays in the mind well after one has walked away." Shit, did his voice just crack? He's hardly reacting any better than he did when Marian had finally called him out on it.

"Heheh..." Dammit, why does everything have to make him happy? How? "That makes me really happy to hear, Leon." He wants to look over his shoulder, but he knows he'll just see another smile. With how soft Stahn's voice has gotten, it'll probably only serve to spike his anxiety further. "That you were thinking of me so much."

"How could I not—" It's out before he can stop it, and he only just barely stops himself from slapping a hand over his mouth. He can salvage this. "It's not like you ever let me be. 'Leon,' 'Leon,' 'Hey, Leon'—you were like a puppy at my heels."

"And she said we were close, too."

"That's her conclusion."

"You agreed earlier! Are you saying she's not smart after all?"

"I didn't—!!"

Stahn laughs. "Hey... I was really glad to hear that from her, especially since your death still hurt so much. And she was happy too when I told her you were my best friend."

Something catches in his chest at that, and he doesn't have time to examine if it's a good or bad feeling before he feels a warm hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, Leon."

He bites his lip. "There you go again." It doesn't help keep his voice steady.

"She said you'd be happy to hear it, too. Are you?"

Leon firmly stays turned away. He doesn't know what kind of face Stahn might be making, but he knows his own face is much too flushed to show anyone. Is he happy? It hurts. It's warm somewhere, knowing that Stahn really thought of them to be so close even after everything, and how it had to be more true than he believed if even Marian said so. It's cold somewhere else, like a line being drawn clearly and decisively.

'Please understand, Master Leon.'

His throat tightens and he thinks he might be sick.

He knew this already. He knew — there's literally a wedding band on the hand on his shoulder — so why does it feel like he's finding out for the first time all over again? What corner of hope did he neglect to stamp out?

Stahn swallows and takes a deep breath before pulling and turning Leon toward him. Before Leon can try to hide his face, Stahn impulsively takes it in his hands. He thinks he's gotten pretty good at reading Leon, but there's only so many informed guesses that he can make, and he needs to know that this isn't going wrong.

The expression he's met with makes his heart jump. Leon was blushing earlier, but it was nothing compared to now, and only growing. He looks... really pretty like this, in the light of the hearth. And while that should all be good, his eyes give him pause. He looks scared. But there's nothing to be scared of, is there?

For Leon, at least. Stahn realizes the position they're in, feels Leon's uneven breath, and a familiar worry bubbles up despite all signs coming up green. But it's Leon. Even if he's been wrong, he's sure they can fix it. He's not going to get a better time to try.

So he does.

Leon nervously watches Stahn's expression shifting too quickly to analyze. He nearly backs away as Stahn leans down, but the apparently unstamped hope gets the better of him and keeps him still. It gets hard to focus his eyes the closer they get, so they all but drift shut.

The first touch is soft—so incredibly soft—and lingers just long enough to completely wipe his mind clean. He feels blissfully stuck in the moment, a mere few seconds skewing further than he can perceive.

Then Stahn pulls back just far enough to look him in the eye, and doesn't even have to search for anything as Leon nearly follows him. For a brief, terrifying moment, there's the possibility of regret—before Leon is pulled back in firmly, a shudder and almost-whimper from Stahn against his lips.

Leon lets himself melt into it. This could end at any time; Stahn could retract, apologize and call it a mistake and finally ask him to leave. If that's what's going to happen, damn it all, he's going to selfishly enjoy this only kiss while he can.

It's so much after the first brush; the hands cupping his face move to run through his hair and curl up around his back to press them closer. He feels overswept by the amount of passion, and doesn't quite know what to do to reciprocate. He's the only inexperienced one here. He thinks he might be gripping the front of Stahn's shirt, but he feels so crowded that he can't even tell until his back hits the corner between the armrest and back of the couch with their chests pressed together enough that he can feel his hand trapped there. He can feel both of their heartbeats on either side, but too distracted to pick out whose is whose.

He feels dizzy from how little chance he's been given to breathe, and wonders with alarm if this is going to go any further right before Stahn slowly pulls away again.

For several moments, Stahn can only stare at what he's done to Leon. Hair a mess, cape crooked, eyes glazed, lips swollen and openly panting, and cheeks flushed so endearingly that he almost leans down to start again. But Leon already looks to be at his limit as it is.

So instead, he wraps both arms around him and leans their foreheads together, smiling at just the tangible sensation of Leon being here, knowing he's safe and warm and now even accepting the care he's being given.

Still catching his breath, Leon slowly winds his arms up around Stahn in kind. It's... It's almost just as nice as the kisses, he realizes. At least when he doesn't have guilt crawling up his neck. He wonders if all of the hugs he'd stood stiff for over the past weeks could have had him feeling even a fraction of this high if he'd done more than distantly let them happen to him.

"What a relief," Stahn chuckles breathily, pulling him out of the soft moment. "I was sure you felt the same, but... I was still worried you'd run away."

Leon's stunned silent.

The same. The same?

It feels like his heart is trying to climb out of his throat. There's another small breathless laugh, but he's surprised to notice that it was his. He's smiling.

The same. They felt the same. For how long? How long had he pointlessly denied himself this? He wasted so much time worrying about—about—

Just like that, it's all gone. His smile falls and he feels like his blood has fittingly frozen in his veins.

"Rutee...?" He didn't know his voice could sound so small.

Stahn merely looks surprised, as if he hadn't thought of how Rutee—his wife—might feel about this. And indeed, all he has to offer is, "Uhhh... We'll... figure out how to tell her...?"

What does that mean? Wait, 'we'—the thought of confronting Rutee about—whatever just happened—is terrifying. "'We'? I'm not the one who—!"

"It'll be fine!" Stahn insists, back to all smiles. "I'm sure she'll understand. Just have to figure out how to say it."

The easy way he says it admittedly eases the knot in Leon's stomach just a little, but... "Do you even know what you're going to be explaining...?" Because honestly, Leon isn't sure. What was that kiss? What's Stahn expecting to happen? Does he plan to split from Rutee? Tell her he accidentally kissed her brother but it won't happen again?

"That I love you, too, of course."

'Too'...?

The confusion must show on his face, or maybe he said it out loud, because Stahn clarifies, "Uhm... Well, I love Rutee, and we're married." Obviously. "And I know I love you, too. I think I already did before everything... fell apart.." he trails off sheepishly, almost like that was his first confession of the night.

But doesn't that mean that Stahn loved him first? That he could have had this all for himself if he'd not been so stubborn, if they'd both noticed sooner—

Wait...

"You know her better than I do, so maybe she would be fine with it, but..." The image of Stahn and Rutee happily going about their domestic tasks together comes back to mind. "you're just assuming that I am." ...Is he? His chest clenches.

"Oh... Yeah, I guess I just thought, since you're siblings..."

"Since we're siblings, what?"

"That you'd be fine sharing? Lilith and I always shared everything. Well, at least until our clothes stopped fitting."

"Would you have shared lovers?!"

Stahn shrugs, "I don't know."

Leon can only facepalm. It really is that simple with Stahn, isn't it.

"Leon?" He doesn't know if he could be alright with it; if he could compromise for the sake of... two of his most precious people. "Hey, Leon?" His feelings for Stahn are undeniably strong, and he wants the best for his sister that he never really got to know. "Leon, are you alright?" But would he be doing it because he's genuinely okay with it, or would he be going along with it because he thinks Rutee deserves happiness more than he does? "Leon...?" That he's only worth the scraps of affection left over from her and Stahn and should be grateful for that much?

He's kissed again, stopping his train of thought. It only lasts for a few moments this time before Stahn pulls back and runs a thumb under his eye.

"You were crying."

He tries to jerk away—he needs space to think this through and have his stupid pity party alone where nobody has to witness it—but Stahn doesn't let him go; pulling him in tighter.

It takes a moment of struggling to realize that Stahn's crying, too. "Don't go away again, Leon. We just got you back."

Once more feeling like the worst, Leon concedes. It's the first time he's cried with anyone besides Marian, and the first time he remembers anyone crying for him. He gives in, leaning into the embrace.

It seems silly to be feeling it weeks later, but the relief of being reunited runs through them both then like it's fresh. Stahn holds tight like he should have years ago, hoping he hasn't messed up with Leon yet again.

And Leon finally accepts that he's wanted.

When Rutee gets home, she finds them asleep and leaning on each-other in front of the hearth with matching tear tracks lingering on their cheeks. She smiles, glad that they apparently had a heart to heart, but there's a growing pit in her stomach. She remembers when they thought Leon had died, and how Stahn had come to comfort her. She'd thought it was sweet until Mary let slip that he only noticed she was falling apart because Mary told him so. Back then, it was always Leon. Now that he's back, it might always be Leon again.

The next few days pass by awkwardly. Leon ruminates for a while and thinks that he might be able to do this. Share Stahn with Rutee. At the least, he thinks it's worth trying. He doesn't know how she'll feel, but he's sure now that Stahn really does love them both and he wouldn't just be backup for when Rutee isn't around, nor would Stahn intentionally hurt Rutee. He certainly has a big enough heart for him and his sister to fit.

The problem is that Stahn is dragging his feet like he did with writing home. It's not that he seems to be putting it off, but that he's just not getting any results from thinking about how to say it. Leon suggests writing it down, but crumpled paper after crumpled paper is thrown into the hearth as Stahn decides what he had wasn't any good.

Meanwhile, Stahn isn't keeping a respectable distance. Leon's already lost count of how many times they've kissed, and despite how slow and sweet they've all been, each one feels a bit more like a dirty secret than the last. He's never tried it while Rutee was still in the house, but that might just be a coincidence. If Leon didn't truly know better, he'd wonder if Stahn was trying to let Rutee catch them because of some odd idea of it somehow making it easier to explain.

Leon feels guilty for not doing much to deter Stahn. It really isn't right to be doing this before clearing it with Rutee. Stahn insists he's sure she'll understand, and Leon concedes from a combination of wanting to believe Stahn, and the selfish desire to have as much of this as he can get just in case Rutee declines. It hangs over him.

But Stahn also isn't shy about still expressing affection with Rutee, and he doesn't seem to have any worries about Leon seeing them. At first, seeing them makes Leon feel awkward and uncomfortable, but over time he focuses more on how happy Rutee looks afterward, and her happiness isn't something he can bring himself to resent. He imagines for a moment that she already knows and everything is considered normal; that she's also there to see their affections and is happy for them. Seeing two of the most important people in his life be happy together, while she'd do the same for him, feels... alright. Good, even. In that fantasy of all going well, at least.

A week goes by and Stahn is no closer to an answer. Rutee catches a job escorting a merchant to Harmentz. Leon threatens that he'll tell Rutee himself the night she gets back if Stahn doesn't.

Rutee steps out to buy a few travel supplies, but Stahn and Leon assume she's left for Harmentz already. She returns home quietly, unnoticed. Before turning a corner, she hears them. Sighs, soft moans, the familiar sound of heavy kissing, and the absolute love-struck whispering of Leon's name. She knew something like this was coming sooner or later. She just wished it wasn't happening behind her back.

Rutee throws her own walls back up, leaves and comes back as noisily as she can, her old Rutee-is-always-alright smile plastered to her face. She doesn't give them the chance to talk. She really doesn't want to talk about it right now. She would have left tonight if the merchant had been up for it. Stahn gives her a slow, light kiss before bed that's no less sincere than he's ever been, saying he knows he won't be awake to see her off in the morning, so he'll tell her to stay safe tonight instead. It melts her heart a little and sets her stomach in confused knots.

She sets off the following morning. She makes their pit stop in Darilsheid as quick and covert as possible to avoid running into Marian, who she also doesn't think she can face right now. She auto-pilots her way through the job until she's tucked in at Harmentz's inn for the night. Where she has time alone to think.

She goes through mostly the same worries that Leon had. Now that Leon's back, she'll be abandoned. Maybe she was only ever a replacement to begin with. Now that she thinks about it, there were some nights with Stahn that she felt he wasn't really looking at her. Did he say her name those nights or stay silent? She can't remember.

Can she ignore it? Pretend that it isn't happening?

She feels bad for thinking all of it. Stahn has been nothing but good to her after she had formally confessed to him. He even moved across the world and away from his family to live with her and help with the orphanage. And Leon had tried his best to get out of their way after finding out. It's not like he came sashaying in with the intent of being a homewrecker. But even if he did, maybe he deserves to. He'd clearly lit the first flame in Stahn's heart long before Rutee ever even entertained the thought of liking Stahn. The life he'd been saddled with was worse than she'd imagined, and he'd done it all mostly alone. What happiness did he have? Wouldn't she be a bad person to try to deny her little brother a chance at happiness when she's already had so much more?

She falls asleep wishing that if she couldn't have had a normal relationship with her brother, that she could at least have one uncomplicated feeling about him. It isn't fair. She wants to be a good big sister.

Meanwhile back in Cresta, Leon worries about Rutee saying no. What'll happen then? She's already married to Stahn. It's childish to think that even if he might have technically ‘been first' that he'd have any kind of claim here. Surely Stahn will stay with Rutee. And then...? That'd be it?

But what if he doesn't? What if this happening drives a wedge between Stahn and Rutee? Stahn wouldn't want to stay with the person who ruined his marriage, right?

There isn't any winning for Leon, in his mind.

Maybe it isn't too late to call it off. Rutee still doesn't know, after all. He can tell Stahn that he can't compromise and it'd be best to just go on with his life. Scrounge up what he can and go crawling back to Marian, who he also never quite got the chance to reconcile his feelings with. Goddess, he's been horrible to her, criminal status or no, staying here trying to steal his sister's husband when Marian was probably worried—or would she be? She's probably moved on with her life, too.

There really isn't any room left for him, is there?

Leon doesn't know when he'd shut his eyes and covered his ears, but he's startled out of it by a warm hand cupping his face.

Leon jolts up from where he'd been laying on the couch, trying to covertly scrub his face with his sleeve. "What are you doing out here?"

"You said you'd sleep in the bedroom tonight, but you never showed up."

Right. He'd placated the request by saying he'd be there soon, hoping that Stahn would just fall asleep. As much as he wanted to indulge in the last few days he might have, his mind wasn't in any state for it. He needed the time to think and vent alone. Besides, one crying session being witnessed was embarrassing enough.

Stahn joins him on the couch, then doesn't wait to pull him in so his back is against Stahn's chest. "You're not alone, Leon. It was bad enough when you wouldn't tell me what was wrong before." A kiss is pressed to his crown and he has to stifle a sob. "When are you going to trust me enough to share what's bothering you?"

"I trust you," he immediately—frantically—responds.

Stahn's voice wavers when he asks, "then why are you out here facing it all alone?"

As he feels the tremor in Stahn's arms, he stops trying to clean his face and relaxes against him. He'd messed up and hurt someone again. They lay like that for a while, both calming down.

Leon figures he might as well come clean. Well, partially. Part of the reason he didn't want to share his worries was that he didn't want to sway any decision Stahn might have to make. But perhaps Stahn never even thought about the possibility of Rutee rejecting the arrangement—and he really should think about how to proceed in that case.

"Stahn." The arms around him tighten. "What if Rutee doesn't agree to this?"

"She will," Stahn answers, not a shred of doubt. "She loves me—or at least, I'm pretty sure she does. Heheh." Sometimes it's easy to forget that they're married, honestly. They aren't much different from the days they spent traveling. Just more. "And she loves you, too. Not like this, but she does." Again, no sign of doubt. "You guys might not have been able to help each-other growing up, and a lot of stuff might have happened, but she loves you. And I know you love her, too. Neither of you realize it, but you look at each-other like you're unsatisfied. Like something's in your way and you wish you could just jump over it and be family."

"It's not that easy."

"I guess not. But you wish it was, and that's good enough to start from, isn't it?"

"...Yeah." They've made progress over his stay in Cresta, but it still feels tense. He's sure this situation with Stahn isn't helping. He wouldn't be surprised if she had noticed something is up by now.

"So if we all love each-other, it'll all work out," Stahn concludes, "I'm sure of it."

Leon sighs. He wishes he could share that unwavering faith, and maybe he should. But even if chances are as high as Stahn thinks they are, there should still be a plan just in case.

He opens his mouth to ask again, before thinking better of it. If he insists, he'd likely be sowing doubt. With anyone or anything else, that might be fine and practical, but this is Stahn. A good majority of the harder things he gets done only come about because he's sure of himself. There's plenty of people and things like that in life, where success hinges on confidence.

This sure feels like one of those things. It'd be best to let him keep it and approach Rutee the way he would normally. It's Stahn. If he doesn't act like everything would work out, it'd be weird and concerning; something would be wrong, and therefore something about what he's asking would be wrong.

So he relaxes further into Stahn's chest, brings his hands up to rest over the ones on his stomach, and lets his eyes close. "Okay."

When Rutee returns to Cresta, she still isn't sure what to do. Stahn greets her at the entrance with a hug and smile so warm that her initial plan of acting aloof melts away. She holds on to him, says she missed him.

He chatters on the way to their home, about Leon, about what some of the kids at the orphanage did, about Leon, about a construction job on the other side of town, about Leon, about how she was lucky to have gone when she did because the neighbor finally gave birth and it was so loud, about Leon—and somehow, Rutee restrains herself from saying "Look, you can just tell me you fucked my brother in our bed. It'd be easier." Maybe it's the practice she already had with Leon being the majority of what Stahn talked about.

And maybe they did. Maybe more passionately than Rutee thought either of them capable of, because when she puts her bag down in the bedroom, she finds the bed has been replaced.

"Hey uh. Stahn, what's with the bed." Somehow, it feels like there's less room. Less room for her, perhaps.

"Oh, that!" Suddenly he's sheepish, running a hand through his hair and looking away from her. "Well, you see—"

"Stahn, if she's already noticed the bed, you're too late." Leon all but materializes in the doorway, arms crossed and clearly annoyed.

"You said I had until tonight!"

"That was before you went out and got a new bed without anyone asking! Idiot." Stahn looks like a properly scolded puppy at that.

After a moment, Stahn begins digging in his pockets. "I—I had it written down finally! I was gonna tell her!"

"Tell me what," Rutee asks numbly. The easy back-and-forth makes it feel like some kind of decision was finally made in her absence.

"I can't find it..." Stahn bemoans as he flips his pockets inside-out.

"Then improvise! You're only making this worse the longer you stall."

"Can't you help me here...?"

"This is your responsibility as her husband!"

Rutee clears her throat and they both stop to look at her. "Look, if it's about you two—"

"I love you," Stahn blurts out.

"Hu—ah.. What?" The simple statement and plain sincerity in his voice and face throw her off. She waits for a 'but'.

"And..." 'And. And?' "And I love Leon."

She scoffs before she can stop herself. "Yeah, I think there's fewer people who didn't know that....."

"What? Really?" Stahn looks genuinely surprised.

"Don't be so dramatic." Leon's turned a nice pink and away. "... But you knew?"

"Hard not to," Rutee shrugs. She wants to collapse on the bed, but she's not sure if it's hers anymore.

Stahn holds her up in a hug and she doesn't have the energy to push him away. "Then you're alright with it?"

Ah, so the choice has been made for her. "...Yeah, I can get moved out and back to the orphanage in a couple days. Don't worry about me."

Stahn pulls away from her, bewildered. "What? Why would you move out?"

"There's been a misunderstanding, clearly," Leon cuts in. "And even though this is your fault, you aren't doing anything to fix it," he scowls at Stahn. Shaking his head, he approaches the two of them until he's standing directly in front of Rutee. His height over her is still only just barely perceptible, but she feels like it's grown. "He loves both of us. He just assumed all on his own that we'd both be okay with that and got a bigger bed to fit all three of us. He's ridiculous. I don't know why you married him."

Though he's curt, and Rutee's focus should really be elsewhere, she can't help but notice the slight waver in Leon's voice, the subtle trembling of his clenched jaw, and the tension through his body that she's learned to read as him getting ready to bolt. He's nervous. He won't say it, but he's clearly nervous about her response, awaiting an answer that ends with both of them happy, and winding his gears to be ready to walk out the door if she says no. She wonders how much of the banter was done just to mask his worries, and how much of these past couple weeks have actually been eating at him, too—and it hits her that Leon's own feelings must have been something tremendous to have led him this far.

Seeing the anxiety growing behind his eyes, she feels loved. Without thinking, she pulls him in for the most relieving hug she's had in her life. She heaves out the breath she didn't know she was holding and doesn't know if she wants to laugh or cry. She and her brother are more alike than she thought; both of them had decided on their own that they should be the one to leave; both of them too caught up in their own bullshit to remember that this was all about Stahn and of course he wouldn't want anyone to leave.

Leon's arms slowly come up to hug her back, but the tension doesn't release quite yet. "...Can this work out?"

Rutee doesn't really know, but she does know that she doesn't love either of them any less than she did before, that she wants the best for them, and that the same is all true for both of them, too. "I don't know," she sniffs, "but I'll try? You seem to be fine with it. I guess I hope I can be, too." She buries her face in his shoulder. "I don't want to let either of you go."

Just as that tension releases and she feels the same relief echoed back through the way Leon's grip tightens, they both nearly shriek as they find themselves briefly lifted up and squished closer together by Stahn hugging them both.

Chapter Text

[Alternate, unfinished ending from before I realized Leon would be classified as a terrorist and was instead staying so long because he was too nervous to face Marian]

When Rutee returns to Cresta, she still isn't sure what to do. She runs into Leon at the entrance, and is shocked to find him carrying a travel bag. "Leon. Where are you—?"

"To see Marian, finally. And to see what I can do to pick up the pieces of my status in the knighthood." He brushes his hair to the side, huffing. "It was long overdue. I apologize for dragging my feet for so long."

So that's it, then? He plans to leave like nothing happened? Like he didn't seduce his sister's husband under their own roof?

"You look like you ate a lemon."

"Thanks, I feel like it, too."

"Great timing, then. If you brought back germs from Harmentz, I won't be here to catch it." He takes a few steps away from her as if she'll start coughing on him.

Mad as she is, she doesn't like the thought of it ending this way. "What, not going to hug your big sister goodbye?"

"I'm coming back. I'll be officially stationed here soon if I can help it," he states as if it were obvious, like she should know that he's overtaken her ground, knocking the wind out of her. A moment later, he has the decency to look guilty.

It stokes the tiny little fire of self-respect she's got left after all the reflecting she did in Harmentz. If she weren't so exhausted, she might have started yelling.

Any anger it kicked up is banished as she finds herself with two arm-fulls of Leon. Well, one arm-full. He may not look emaciated anymore, but she still feels like she's hugging little more than a skeleton as she instinctively returns the hug.

There's a lot that Leon obviously isn't saying, but it feels like both an apology and making up for lost time.

Then just like that, it's over, and Rutee doesn't know how to feel again.

Leon clears his throat as he puts a respectable distance back between them. "If he doesn't explain properly by the time I get back, I'll... I'll beat him up for you." Whatever he thinks she'll say, he doesn't think is worth acknowledging. "Give him hell, but not too much hell."

"Leon—"

"See you later, Ru... Sis."

And he manages to slip past her almost fast enough to hide his embarrassment in finally using the familial title. She watches him speed-walk away, looking like he wants to turn around but can feel her eyes on him.

It's cute enough that she forgets her worries for a moment and shouts a loud, obnoxious, "I LOVE YOU TOO, BRAT" that makes him jump and actually start running. In her mind, she can hear his muttered "shut up".

She still has no idea what's going on, but the sudden burst of affection from her aloof little brother has her feeling like it might be alright.

(note to self: when she meets with Stahn, he needs to treat it as very important that she knows Leon left with a map and compass. that he made sure. and talk about how prickly Leon got about the double-triple checking.)

[Unfinished scene that might have followed after Stahn and Rutee have mostly talked it out in this alternate ending. I wasn't sure if it should stay as a joke.]

"Please tell me you two didn't have wild sex that broke the bed and that's why you replaced it so fast."

"Huh? No."

"Oh thank goodness—"

"Leon said he didn't want to."

Alright, that hurt. "Stahn, please. I'm starting to doubt your morality here."

"You mean I should have called his bluff?"

"What?? No!!"

"‘Cause he's like that with kissing, too! It's the same look on his face when you offer him sweets. He'll be all ‘Idiot, of course I don't want it' but he'll keep eyeing the sweets like he's hoping you'll insist so he doesn't look too eager."

"Stahn, I don't want to know this about my estranged brother."

"But would that make me the sweets then?" After a moment to think on it, Stahn blushes and runs a hand through his hair. "Hehe... That's kind of flattering..."

Rutee wonders if maybe she didn't make him feel desired in the past. "That's... I'm happy for you?? But that's not the point! Even though I said I'm fine with it now, you really shouldn't have been doing this behind my back."

[Old version of part of the cape scene. Trimmed it down because this seemed too clunky and distracting.]

"We found it on the coastline. R—everyone said it didn't mean anything, but I... I always had hope that it meant you were still alive." He wipes at one eye, still smiling. "I'm glad I kept it. I don't know if it was special to you or just another cape, but I figured you'd want it back." Stahn pointedly doesn't mention that Rutee wanted him to leave it where it lay in a symbolic act of moving on. It had seemed half-hearted even at the time, especially after she'd leapt over it for the abandoned chest that just happened to be behind it.

[...]

"Rutee fixed it," Stahn readily supplies. "She kept saying there was no point, but I never asked her to do it. I think she had hope you were still out there somewhere, too." Thinking back on when she said to leave it, she might have been remembering and regretting when she'd put them in danger over a couple gald, and didn't want to risk a repeat with the cape.