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Ruben’s never traveled this far past Elm Valley. A tall, imposing manor straight out a cheesy horror movie appears. Maybe Wanda records Complicated Women in her own house. That makes sense, he records his music at home. He feels his heart speed up, suddenly acutely aware of sweat rolling down his neck.
Uncle Henry pulls over. He looks up at the manor, eyebrows knitting together. “Are you sure this is the place, kiddo?” he asks. “It might be–”
“I’ll text you when I’m done,” Ruben opens the truck door. “Go do boring crap at that gas station across the street, or whatever.”
“Rude, man, rude,” Henry sighs heavily. He hits a button, stairs appearing below Ruben’s feet. An addition Henry made to make his truck Gnome friendly. “Alright. I’ll be close by. Have a good–”
Once again, Ruben swiftly interrupts his uncle, this time slamming the door shut. He hops down to the sidewalk. He smooths over his new shirt, pushing back his flop of black hair. This is it. He is only a few steps away from having an actual conversation with Wanda Childa. And of course, the other task.
Earlier, Kipperlily had grilled him at home; she broke in, again. “If you fuck this up, Ruben Hopclap, you will never strum one note again,” Kipperlily sneered. After her threat, she leaned away to fix her vest. After clearing her throat she added, “Just stick to what I told you and you’ll be fine, okay?”
“Whatever,” Ruben scoffed. He hadn’t listened to any advice Kipperlily gave him. Afterall, how could he mess up talking to Wanda Childa? She invited him on her podcast. It so happens this episode is about Lucy Frostblade.
Presently, thinking of Lucy makes Ruben nauseous. All this time she’d been dead . The Rat Grinders thought she transferred or dropped out, screwing them all over until Buddy Dawn came along. But she’d been dead, and all the horrible thoughts he directed at her memory weighed heavy on his shoulders. According to Wanda, they found her body in the Far Haven Woods, where the Rat Grinders had been training for years. A place they’d hang out. Kipperlily demanded he find out what Wanda or whoever else runs the Complicated Women podcast knows. Kipperlily had been more brutal, more nasty since Lucy went missing. She must feel the same he does, so he can forgive her threats. For now.
Before he knocks, the gothic black door swings open. Small, for even a Gnome, with dark hair cascading over the right side of her face, dressed in a My Chemical Gnomance t-shirt and torn black jeans, is Wanda Childa. He realizes she’s dyed her hair; half is dark, the other side a mixture of purple and blue. Her pale cheeks turn pink, pushing a bit of hair behind her ear.
“Ruben, you’re on time,” she smiles. “You’re so considerate.”
“Of course,” Ruben straightens. “We better get started before my fans find out I’m here.”
Ruben winks and Wanda giggles. Inside of Wanda’s manor is widely different from the outside. It’s been renovated to be a modern lobby, it reminds Ruben of Lola Ember’s office. He can’t absorb his surroundings for long; Wanda tugs his sleeve and guides him down a hidden staircase. Down here, it feels far warmer than upstairs. Sweat makes itself known once more. It’s a full recording studio, sleek and modern, decked with the best equipment. Both Gnomes sit across from each other, a desk with mics between them, a two-way mirror to their right. Wanda’s sound people must be behind there.
“Sorry if I’m a bit nervous,” Wanda admits. She takes out a small iPod, and opens a notebook. “It’ll be my first time interviewing such a notable person.”
Ruben does his best to sit casually. “Don’t worry, I’ll make it easy on you,” he smirks. Wanda bites her lip, face growing red. He feels his nerves dissolve. She’s so into me. Wanda goes over a few ‘podcast ground rules’ with Ruben; answer honestly, you can say no to certain questions and remember to make it juicy. The last one is accompanied by a wink from Wanda. Then they put on headsets, and Wanda clears her throat.
“Hello and welcome to another installment of– Complicated Women . This episode, the mysterious, the unknown, and the chilly, Lucy Frostblade,” Wanda’s eyes are on her iPod. “However, with me is someone who can shed some light on this mystery–Ruben, go ahead and introduce yourself.”
Ruben flips his hair back, his shoulders slack, expression flat. The frontman of My Chemical Gnomance persona easily takes Ruben Hopclap’s place. “Thanks. Name is Ruben Hopclap, everyone knows me but I’ll keep going,” he begins. “Lead singer in My Chemical Gnomance , survivor of the Frosty Faire assault, writer and performer of the song of the summer, and the best bard at Aguefort Adventuring Academy.” He lifts his chin, looking down at Wanda, he’s read this look is really sexy. “Couldn’t help but notice you forgot to introduce yourself, Wanda.”
“You’re so right! ” Wanda gasps. Her hands cover her embarrassed face. Ruben smirks. “Ugh, how embarrassing. I’m Wanda Childa, host of Complicated Women . I have the honor and privilege of interviewing Ruben Hopclap. Eat your heart out, listeners.”
Kipperlily had nothing to worry about. This is already going so well. “And I’m honored to be here, with you,” he maintains eye contact with her. Wanda is flustered while following her iPod.
“Alright we better move on. No second takes on this podcast,” she says. “Like I said, we will be discussing Lucy Frostblade. For anyone not up to date, Lucy is, or was , a fellow student at Aguefort Adventuring Academy. She’d been missing for most of the year, her body recently pulled out from the Far Haven Woods. Who killed her? Well, unfortunately, that’s not for us to answer. But, just who was Lucy? Ruben, how do you know Lucy?”
Ruben nods along with her, but only fully listens when a question registers. He’d been staring at her hair dye and deep blue eyes. Quickly he answers, “Met first day, freshmen year. She’d been…” he ponders a moment. It’s odd, his memories of Lucy are coloured in a red haze. He hadn’t thought about her in so long, did he really forget how they met? “...Wandering around, all alone. But she followed the sounds of my guitar, and wanted to be in an adventuring party with me right away.”
It felt bad to lie.
“Wow, what an ear for talent,” Wanda sighs wistfully. “Tell me, what was Lucy like?”
Ruben pauses. Several stories and emotions collide together at once. Once again, Lucy is shrouded in a red haze. But something stirs within himself. A need to talk about her. A need to remember her. And, like a fog parting after a storm, he finds a memory. “Lucy was the first of us to get her license,” Ruben finally says. He avoids Wanda’s curious gaze. “Because her parents were giants, they had this huge van. When they got a new car, well, Lucy inherited their van.”
“A Rat-Mobile of sorts.”
“What?”
“Sorry,” Wanda clears her throat. “The van must’ve helped on adventures.”
“Mostly getting to school,” Ruben shrugs. “She’d pick Kipperlily up first, then me. I remember I’d hop in the back seat and Lucy would give me control of the aux cord. I always thought…it was nice.” Kipperlily’s scrunched frown appears in his head. Every morning, she’d write in a little black book, barely looking up. But Lucy would smile wide. ‘Good morning, superstar!’ she’d say. He forgot about that until now. “Anyways yeah, to answer your question, she was nice.”
He gets a bit lost in his thoughts. He should have put on Fall-Damage Lads or his own band. But he remembers calming, mellow music coming from the radio. That must be wrong. He hates cheesy, normie music. He shakes his head, returning to reality.
“Anyways, she’d pick up the others, I guess. Normal shit,” he says.
“Who else is in your party?” Wanda leans closer to meet his eyes. “And do you guys have a name? I bet it’s meaningful and tortured and cool, like My Chemical Gnomance .”
Heat blooms over Ruben’s face and ears. Wanda is so cute . She’s the girl of his dreams, literally. He recovers, tugging on his shirt. “The Ratgrinders,” he says proudly. “We–I mean I came up with it.” He lies. He knows it was Oisin and Ivy’s idea. He went along with it since it made Kipperlily upset, which is hilarious. He can’t remember what Kipperlily’s idea had been. Probably ‘The Kipper Squad’ or some nonsense. “Besides me and Lucy and Kipperlily, it’s Oisin, Ivy, Mary Ann, and our new member, Buddy. They’re alright.”
“I heard Lucy was in Cleric classes. She must’ve been good at taking care of you guys.”
“Oh, yeah. So good at healing. Patch us up after we’d tussle with monsters, no problem. And she remembered our coffee orders–ah, you know, nice stuff.”
A new memory breaks through the haze. The Ratgrinders are all in the van. Mary Ann is beside Ruben, buried in her Quokki Pet game, Oisin and Ivy behind him. Aside from Mary Ann and Kipperlily, everyone is chatting. Maybe about a movie? He can’t quite remember, but he recalls the feeling. Fun, light hearted. When was the last time they were like that? Friends? Lucy pulls up to the Ring of Glazing drive thru. Without asking, Lucy lists off all their orders. He recognizes his own drink–caramel macchiato, extra caramel–and her paying. “My treat!” Did she have a part time job?
“She worked at the movie theater,” Ruben is speaking before he catches himself. Wanda straightens, intrigued. He didn’t expect himself to answer. “In summer, she’d work at the movie theater. She told me…she thought it was cool that people could enjoy themselves in dark places. And it had really good AC.”
“Hm…” Wanda scribbles something down in a notebook beside her. “Was ‘dark places’ sort of a part of her worship?”
“Kinda,” Ruben squints. He wonders what she could be writing. “She’s a Frost Genasi, so she, like, thrived in cold weather. She wanted to teach people stuff like ‘oh winter’s not so bad, you can come together and stuff’. I don’t remember her God’s name.” He lied about the last part.
“Interesting. It sounds like she’d do that sort of thing for the Rat Grinders, huh?” Wanda says. “Bringing you guys together and stuff.”
Ruben remembers Lucy pulling into the Aguefort parking lot. Everyone drank while Kipperlily rambled about future plans. Ivy rolled her eyes and challenged Kipperlily, which made Ruben laugh. Lucy would make sure no one lost their cool. “We’re a team, you guys. We don’t have to agree, but respect each other enough to work together.” She always knew what to say. Melancholy tugs his heart strings. There’s something there, a key piece he’s missing. But he can’t find it.
“What’s a stand out memory of Lucy?” Wanda asks. “It can be happy, but honestly, we totally look for sad or angry memories. You know, complicated memories.”
“Oh, umm…”
What a daunting question. Should he use this car ride to school he’s remembering? No, that'd be so lame . He needs something bigger. A big moment that will appease this podcast. His mind is about to churn out a lie–but a new memory comes forth. It’s dark. He’s in the woods. It must be Far Haven. Soft, sniffling cries echo in his ears. In the dark, he sees Lucy’s back, her cream knit sweater making her stand out. She’s sitting on the forest floor. There’s blood on her sweater. She holds something.
From his left, Kipperlily stomps forward. She holds a dagger. “We told you to stop reviving the fucking rats,” Kipperlily snaps. “They’re rats .”
“This is wrong,” Lucy’s voice choked on tears. “Heroes don’t just kill things smaller than them. Heroes don’t kill with no cause. Heroes–”
“‘A hero is a violent wanderer who enacts their will, bloodily, and with strange magics, upon the world’ – remember that? Our first day, our shitty fucking principal told us to do whatever it takes to win. ”
“You have to read between the lines–”
Kipplerlily throws her dagger to the tree across from Lucy’s face. Lucy recoils. Rats leap from her arms, scurrying into the dark. For the first time, Ruben sees Lucy’s face. Her lips quiver, eyes swollen, blood splatters over her cheek. It’s not her own blood, Ruben knows that. The Big Guy made her land a ‘fatal blow’ today. She didn’t like it. It made her feel wrong. Like an executioner, except an innocent soul dragged to her feet. She wanted the grinding to end, she wanted to be the High-Five Heroes again. She wanted to travel with her friends and thwart a cult or rescue a town from monsters or something more heroic than this . He remembers now. She confided in him. She was going to tell someone.
And he told Kipperlily and the Big Guy.
“Ruben?”
Ruben lets out a screech, almost falling out of his chair. Fear, angry sorrow–they flood his chest and mind. And he is so fucking warm. He grips the desk. Wanda leans back in surprise, shrinking back in her chair. “That’s–I–” he sputters. His breath is heavy, boiling heat. Pain shoots up from his chest. He winces.
“Hey, I’m sorry, it’s okay,” Wanda assures. “Obviously you’re, like, mourning. I shouldn’t have made you–”
“ Shut up! ”
He stands up, running his hands through his hair. I need to calm down! He begins to pace back and forth. Hyping himself up relaxes him. You’re being mugged for autographs. Everyone wants to know your fucking name. You’re a superstar!
How could you do that to someone who believed in you?
“Listen we can stop the interview here if you want,” Wanda looks more intrigued than fearful of his anger surge.
“What–no, no, no, I’m okay,” Ruben takes a deep breath before sitting back down. He wasn’t okay, his chest throbs, but the show must go on. “Sorry I think, like…her ghost haunts me.”
“Ooh, can you hear her right now?”
“Uh, yeah, she says…’all your listeners should listen to Ruben’s latest album and not Fig and the Cig Figs. If they even have a new one’,” he chuckles at his own lie. “Oh, and she says ‘sorry Ruben for freaking you out, just wanted to, uh, say hi’. Which is no big deal, Lucy. All cool, haha.”
“Crazy! And she only appears to you?”
“Oh you know she’s very shy even in the afterlife,” he can feel himself being buried alive. “I think because her killer is still around.”
Wanda leans closer, eyes glittering. “Does she know who killed her?”
At that moment, Ruben sees blood. So much blood. He hears– screaming . He pulls himself out of it. “No! Uh, no, she didn’t see who did it,” he crosses his arms.
Wanda nods thoughtfully, leaning away. She writes more notes. “An interesting development! A shy, wayward soul visiting her super famous friend to solve her murder!” she chirps into the microphone. “Truly complex, but I think we’re getting the bigger picture here.”
Ruben tilts his head.
“A young cleric with her life ahead of her, taking care of her friends, but held back by her own shyness,” Wanda shakes her head. “Then some monster lures her into the woods and brutally– and I do mean brutally –murders her. And now, her spirit can’t move on, and she’s more reserved than ever. Maybe she’s still afraid of her killer? Or, dare I say– kill-ers? ”
Ruben struggles to keep the rage down again. “Wha–is that what the police are saying?” he asks quietly, as if he wasn’t being recorded.
“Frequent true crime forum user HotWizardParamore6969 states; ‘given the grotesque nature of the crime scene, it’s reasonable to assume multiple people are involved. Blunt force trauma from multiple weapons, the cultish symbol found on the body, how ghoulishly her body had been treated and hidden–there real question becomes, how could there be one murderer?’” Wanda reads from her iPod thoughtfully. “Hm, you know for so many 69’s in their name, they sure do sound knowledgeable. What do you think, Ruben?”
Ruben curses Kipperlily’s name. How could she not prepare him enough for this? “How…how much is out there?” his words stumble from his mouth. “I thought, uh, no one knew anything.”
“Well with the police station constantly on fire, it’s actually pretty easy to access files and stuff,” Wanda explains. “No one knows the leaker, but shout out to them! Wouldn’t have this episode without them! And I wouldn’t be talking to Ruben Hopclap, the coolest bard at Aguefort.”
Wanda’s giggle normally would settle Ruben, but his mind races. He sees two memories–the Lucy that handed him the aux cord, and the Lucy crying over rats. If she just didn’t give a shit about some stupid rats– he cuts his own thoughts off. What is he talking about? The Ratgrinders did not kill Lucy. He knows that. He revealed her innermost thoughts, but his involvement ends there.
Until Wanda told him Lucy’s body had been found, he wasn’t aware she died . She left town. That’s the truth. And yet people online seem to know all about some crime scene . He never saw Kipperlily look so angry as when he told her about the podcast episode. His chest wound pulses, he clutches it instinctively. He swallows hard, fumbling to gather a response.
“I’m no investigator. But I wouldn’t trust anything online, Wanda. Especially since you only have an iPod, you might not know that,” he manages to say. “I’d rather remember my friend as she was, not just as a crime scene and shit. You asked for my best memory of her? Easy–when she listened to my first song, and told me I’d be a star!”
“Can I be honest, Ru?” Lucy looks somberly, moving the earbuds from her ears. “Your old music made me happier.”
Ruben tugs his shirt until it rips . He pretends nothing happened. Wanda leans back, nodding. “On that note, I think we’ll wrap up this episode,” she says. “Thank you so much for listening! Be sure to follow for regular updates–”
As she rambles, Ruben turns away. He leaves the office, footsteps swift. He needs to talk to Kipperlily. Needs to understand why he keeps seeing blood everywhere. Understand what happened to Lucy. His mind might be fuzzy, but he knows how close Kipperlily and Lucy were. How Lucy would rub Kipperlily’s shoulders when she got frustrated, or how often Kipperlily would be Lucy’s advocate. Yeah, she wouldn’t let anything happen to our Lucy.
That moment in the woods means nothing.
“Ruben!” Wanda catches up to him, breathless. “Are you okay?”
“Sorry, Wanda, but I’m being mugged for autographs,” he finds the front entrance again. “Gotta go but, uh, this was pretty alright. Call me again, without the podcast.” He retreats back into Elmville.
As the door closes, Fig releases a deep breath. The Wanda Childa appearance fades away, at long last. “He’s gone, guys,” Fig calls. Her friends filter out of the rooms, the illusion over Mordred Manor dissipating. “Get anything?”
“A lot, even his surface thoughts were enlightening ,” Adaine gestures for everyone to follow, and they head to her tower. “For certain, Clamface Cunthead and crew murdered Lucy. And someone else is involved, but something was blocking me from seeing them fully.”
“Devil’s Honey,” Riz frowns. “It might be interfering with his mind, or something else–either way, we gotta head to the Mountains of Chaos. Fast.”
Outside, Ruben takes off. Fueled by rage and confusion, he’s determined to get to Kipperlily’s. He cuts through the graveyard behind the manor–and stops cold. Three Goliath’s weave through headstones. One, a man in priest attire, gestures to an empty plot. He can’t hear the trio, but he recognizes the two holding each other. Those are Frostblade’s, Lucy’s parents. He hasn’t seen them in almost a year. He never even thought of them. The Big Guy told everyone to block the Frostblade’s and ignore their calls.
Rage shrinks, transforming into regret. Colder than ever, he turns back around, taking out his phone to text Henry. He’ll confront Kipperlily later.