Chapter Text
Meeting Magnus is, to put it mildly, a roller coaster of an experience.
To be fair, Taako is also meeting everyone else that he’ll be spending a few months stuck in a spaceship with for the first time—sans sister with the same face. Thus, he isn’t expecting things to go spectacularly. He’d been riding off of Lup’s enthusiasm alone for the entire end of the selection process, if he's being totally honest.
Regardless, Taako and Lup arrive at the little meeting room only a couple minutes late, the earliest they can get there without looking like total dorks, Taako swears. Lup rolls her eyes, but only drags him along in a quick walk.
“I thought you’d have been dying to know what we’re working with,” Lup says, jerking around a corner so smoothly that Taako’s entire body gets pulled with her.
“Eh, I can guess well enough based on the types attracted to the academy,” Taako says absently. “You meet one trust fund nerd, you’ve met them all.”
“Taako, come on,” Lup says, chuckling a little bit. “Not everyone is that bad. Kind of. Sometimes.”
Taako makes a noise like ‘I do not agree with you, but I also do not have the energy to argue with you, because you drank two energy drinks this morning.’ Lup’s real excited about the getting into space thing. Well, it’s not an unimpressive feat, but he’s skeptical how that will translate to the rest of the recruits.
When they reach the door to the meeting, Lup only pauses long enough to squeeze his hand, and get a squeeze in return, before throwing the door open. From how everyone’s eyes widen, they’re dazzled already. Or annoyed.
Same dif.
Taako and Lup had not been the last people to arrive at the meeting, shockingly. As the captain of the mission shook their hands and introduced them to everyone, he made a comment about one person being left. Rude, to upstage them.
That’s the thought passing through his head as he stands beside the stumbling Bluejeans man to give him a look over, when the door flies open. It even beats Lup’s entrance. Double rude, she tried real hard with it.
The man that stands in the doorway is tall, wide, and grinning like his dog just won the lottery.
“Magnus Burnsides?” Captain Davenport asks, obviously taken more off guard by the man than the twins. Triple damn.
“That’s me. Um, sir?” The Magnus fellow says. “Nice to meet everyone!”
Lup is standing closest to the door, which means that Magnus steps up to her first. He holds out a hand, as though to shake. But then, something strange happens.
Magnus grabs Lup’s hand and plants a kiss on the back of it, like a goddamned prince about to die of arsenic poisoning.
It’s obvious from the look on Lup’s face that she is shocked by the maneuver as well. No flame on her part, it’s weird as fuck. Taako is about convinced that the dude is sexist and a freak and deserving of a curse to remove his appendix by the time Lup’s hand drops.
Then, Magnus moves over and grabs Taako’s hand to kiss.
Wow, he did not judge Lup for her reaction, or lack thereof, but he still judged her too harshly. The hand around his is large and warm and calloused, like touching sun-heated bricks. The touch of the lips on the back of his hand is too gentle.
He gawks, and decides that Magnus can also not tell that Taako is a man and deserves to have his spleen removed in the curse actually.
Then, Magnus moves over and grabs Barry’s hand to kiss.
Smacking his royally treated hand to his open mouth, Taako breaks out into undignified snorts of laughter as Barry turns beet red. It’s really all of Barry’s exposed skin that almost worryingly turns red, right up under his hairline. Maybe it continues beyond there, Taako wouldn’t be shocked. The thought makes him laugh harder.
Luckily, he’s not the only one broken free by the action. Lup has also started laughing in surprise, flipping her hair over her slightly reddened ears. The short dwarf in the back of the room guffaws pretty openly, and everyone else is staring.
Seemingly, the response is enough to jar Magnus out of his strange ceremonial greeting, since he pulls back and looks around in confusion. Like everyone else is being strange! Taako giggles unashamedly and pinches Lup’s elbow. She simply elbows him back.
It’s not helped by the fact that Magnus is still holding Barry’s hand.
“Mr. Burnsides, perhaps refrain from kissing your crew mates,” Captain Davenport says, voice either holding back amusement or annoyance.
Taako is betting on both.
“What?” Magnus asks, blinking dumbly and looking all of a clueless hulk.
“My dude, do you just kiss everyone that you meet?” Taako asks, watching Barry helplessly try to pull his hand free without actually disturbing Magnus.
“Yeah?” Magnus asks. Like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Do you not?”
“No, no, that’s totally normal,” Lup says, swallowing her giggles long enough to fake seriousness.
“Yeah, you should go do that to the Chancellor of the IPRE, he’d love it,” Taako agrees, not even bothering to play serious.
“I did! When I first met him. Why are you laughing like it was a bad thing for me to do?!” Magnus asks, looking genuinely disdained.
He pulls Barry’s hand to his chest in a show of his distress, alongside his big sad eyes. At that admission, even the too bookish and stoic Lucretia snorts into her hand and looks at the man with sympathy. Her hand also suspiciously starts writing in her notebook. Written blackmail? Not as traditional as photographic, but Taako is tentatively intrigued.
“Buddy,” Barry says, sounding half choked himself. Magnus turns back to the poor nerdy man, making his blush deepen. Spluttering, he continues: “Uh, no.”
“Barry, are you fucking with him? Because you look a lot like this has happened to you even a singular time before, really,” Taako says.
When Lup laughs, Barry starts looking like he’s going to faint. He even closes his eyes, it’s sweet.
“Kissed the Chancellor…” Davenport murmurs to himself, earning a whistle from Merle. Magnus looks more and more like a man surrounded by zombies quickly encroaching on him. He clutches Barry’s hand harder. “Mr. Burnsides, please release Mr. Bluejeans.”
As though noticing for the first time, Magnus does let go of the hand in his clutches. Barry stares at his kissed hand like it’s a foreign limb.
“I kissed the Chancellor on his cheek, he seemed like a cool dude! No one said anything, what—?” Magnus sputters.
No one can quite stop themself from imagining the old, knobbly man that runs the IPRE being primly kissed by a man about double his height. Did he have to pick him up? It does not seem out of character.
There’s truly no sympathy in Taako’s heart on the old man’s behalf, he wishes he could have seen it. Though his laughter probably would have gotten him kicked out of the school immediately. Perhaps worth it, that old man deserves worse than a little kiss…
“Has no one ever told you that it’s unorthodox to kiss them upon meeting?” Lucretia pipes up, far more kind than anyone else could have been.
“No! I mean, a kiss on the hand is the most formal kiss you can greet someone with, so it seemed pretty safe,” Magnus says. “It’s never failed before.”
“Feeling kind of unspecial compared to the Chancellor now, huh?” Lup murmurs, elbowing Taako. He snorts and crosses his arms, leaning back casually.
“Look, this is obviously a cultural difference, let’s all show some sensitivity—”
“I think Burnsides has been sensitive enough for us all,” Taako murmurs into Lup’s ear, which she huffs at.
“ —and respect everyone’s boundaries here, yes?” Davenport says firmly, sounding like he’s regretting his position a little bit.
“Yes, sir,” Magnus says, actually sounding serious about it, while everyone else kind of nods.
For his part, Davenport softens at the display of contrition on Magnus’ part. Easy for him, he missed out on getting smooched. As though thinking something similar, Barry subtly rubs at the back of his hand.
It’s a far too blatant gesture, but Taako ignores how his own hand squirms at the remnants of the overly familiar and gentle touch. Lup isn’t shy planting kisses on his forehead or blowing raspberries into his hand now and again, but certainly no one else but his twin. Those sorts of things are surely not normal for people who do not have an exact copy of your dna as their dna. Sounds gross.
Except if you’re Magnus and come from a place where kissing on the hand is the most formal greeting that comes across. Strange.
Taako carefully inspects his nail polish as the meeting begins in proper. He’s had enough of getting to know these people, thanks very much.
Perhaps some of them won’t be atrocious to be around for the months he’s forced to, if there’s some sort of comedy to cut the eyes.
—
Believe it or not, the end of an entire plane of existence and all life within it, quickly followed by being trapped on a new world where no one knows anything? Not a very lighthearted-haha-comedic experience. Who knew?
In other words, everyone is super fucking bummed all the time.
Taako half threw himself into getting to know the mongoose language and animals in an attempt to stay out of the stormy atmosphere of the ship. The little weasels don’t have a care in the world, other than trying to nip his fingers and be rascals. It’s cute, and helps his own chest feel less like caving in.
Lup, too, seems slightly aided to immerse herself in a new world. After all, the allure of new places is why she dragged them to the IPRE, or something. This is certainly new.
And Barry… The dude’s pretty funny to fuck with. And see squeak when a mongoose sticks their nose into his ear.
Everyone else is real in the mud over it, though. Really, you’d think it was the end of the world!
Eh, not the best turn of phrase.
Magnus is drooped over the kitchen table, face screwed up like he’s working on linking his brain cells, and skin covered in bruises from getting beat up by a bear all day. Must be something for him to go back every day and get beat up again. That whole light thing, but it also seems like Magnus is trying to prove himself or whatever. Taako prefers the mongeese.
Still, the dude is really funking up the Starblaster with his training arc angsting. Just the sight of him is enough to make your shoulders dip. And everyone already has droopy shoulders, so that’s saying something.
It’s also hard to ignore since Magnus is one of the only people sitting at the dining table. Lup is out with Barry doing something nerdy, which means Taako is cooking alone. Not totally unusual, but it’d be nice to have a second opinion, since he’s trying out a new vegetarian recipe. Feels kind of rude to kill any animals on this planet and there’s only so much tinned and dried meat. Taako’s good at rationing food, if nothing else, and making it magically stretch. But even that can only go so far.
The nut based curry doesn’t seem to be turning out half bad though. Which for Taako food standards: that means far above average, obvi. He finishes up and peaks out to the dining room.
Lucretia is flipping through two notebooks at the same time, Davenport is visible just outside the room, pacing, and Magnus is all sad and droopy on the table. Merle hasn't even bothered to make an appearance from his little garden. Taako rolls his eyes and starts plating food.
He's is just about to sit down and eat, everyone else with food before them, when Lup and Barry come bumbling into the door. He groans loudly, and leans back in his chair.
“We’re back,” Lup says, smiling at Taako.
The pair’s appearance is enough to draw everyone’s attention to them. That’s kind of Lup’s style. With a sarcastic smile, Taako holds a hand out to her and grabs onto her fingers when she absently offers her’s in return.
“Thank you for gracing us with your presence, madame.”
Then Taako gives an overly exaggerated smooch onto the back of Lup’s hand. Afterwards, he gives Magnus an obvious, slightly rude, smile.
It has pulled the human out of his fugue-y funk.
“Haha, dickhead. I already apologized,” Magnus rolls his eyes.
“I don’t know what you mean, I’m just greeting my beloved sister.” Taako shrugs, standing and going to plate his sister and Barry’s food.
Lup follows him.
“Be nice.” Lup pokes him on the shoulder.
“I am, they’re the sad cranky little babies. I’m a saint.” Taako smiles at her.
She rolls her eyes too, but it’s slightly fond as she glances out into the dining room with a frown. Blegh. Taako shoves her plate into her hands and heads out to give Barry his.
On his way to the table, a hand suddenly snags his ear and lightly tugs on it. A startled noise leaves him, along with his head getting pulled down and to the side. Lup takes advantage and swoops in, planting a loud kiss on his cheek.
“Thank you for your hospitality, good sir,” Lup says with a wink, stealing his seat at the table.
Taako groans and thinks about sitting on top of her, if it wouldn’t risk the food he labored over. He has to take the walk of shame to the complete opposite side of the table, ending up beside Magnus. A couple halfhearted snickers join his walk, including a snort from said man.
Ingrates, all of them.
“To me, you all are the ones worthy of mockery, I hope you know,” Magnus says. “My grandma would humble you.”
“Can’t believe I’m missing out on all that grandma action,” Taako says, popping his spoon into his mouth. Decent Taako dish, above average general dish. “I’m weeping.”
“Weeping, but not kissing,” Magnus prods. As though that’s anything.
“Speak for yourself,” Taako says, because even if it isn’t anything, he’s fucking crushing it.
An almost tangible spark seems to light up within Magnus’ eyes. Perhaps not a great one. Similar to when he decided to literally beat a bear in a fight. It’s better than the sad puppy look at least.