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“I place my head between my knees and think ‘do you ever have nights like these”
I was pissed off, this day had been fucking infuriating. It started by thinking it was Sunday and going BACK to bed. Then getting shook awake by Sal cause ‘oh guess fucking what’ it WASN'T Sunday and it was in fact MONDAY and I had to get up and get dressed in 5 minutes.
Then I got a tardy slip for biology which added up to another detention that day. And finally the rotting cherry on top is I got into a fight with Travis Phelps (of course), and got more detention. With a bloody nose and a bruised rib, I had gone to the nurses office to get torn out by the principal, while Phelps looked high and mighty above it all. And of course I was blamed for starting it. Sure Travis did get in trouble but not as much as l did.
I had gone home and eaten dinner. I was currently sitting on my bed doing nothing, absolutely nothing. I was bored out of my fucking mind and had nothing to do. So I do the first thing that comes to mind, sneak out and go get candy because I don't care anymore.
I threw on my red hoodie, the soft fabric pressing beneath my fingertips and on my exposed arms. I grab my house key, just in case I get locked out, and my lighter. Although I probably already had one in my plethora of pockets. I touch the cool brass door handle and open it into the dark night.
The street lights were on so I could I least see, I haven't snuck out in a while (though it was more like walking out more the sneaking out), so I decided to go to the further away gas station so I can at least clear my head.
The sound of crickets play though my ears like melancholic melodies, often seeming to go on forever. The buzz of loud cicadas screams through the air, it was always so hot here during the fall, so cicadas didn't disappear the second summer was out.
Soon I reach the desolate park, Normally the park was filled with young kids laughing and playing. But it was 12 am, so now it just seemed desolate besides from the random drunk or two.
The concrete is rough beneath my creepers, the black shoes I have worn for years now, not necessarily the same pair (I am a growing boy after all, at least that's what my mom says) but a similar style and color to all the other pairs before it.
It cracks and crumbles, I always wondered how ancient structures stayed up while out building and streets cracked like hell. Would our structures one day be considered ancient?
….
Nah I doubt it. They wouldn't last that long. Todd probably knows a theory about ancient aliens building the Roman empire or something. Honestly, that seems a little more plausible then some other options. Todd would kill me for saying that but, eh. When doesn't he want to kill me just a little bit.
I looked down at the sidewalk below me. The weeds cracked their way through the concrete, Weeds seemed kinda like that in a way, always ever changing, and growing, despite everything being against them. I'm not saying I relate to a dandelion but I'm saying I relate to a dandelion.
I shake my head and pat my pockets breathing a sigh of relief as I realize I have my cigarettes with me. I didn't pack them with me but I guess I never took them out of my pockets to begin with. I grab the pack and tap out one cigarette in to my hand before putting it between my lips. I shove the packet back into my pocket before patting it again to try and find my lighter in the like 50 Pockets my pants have.
Finally I find it, I brush the ignition with my thumb, blocking the cigarette from the wind as I light it between my teeth. I take my first breath in and feel the familiar smoke fill my lungs and throat, that soft burning sensation brings me comfort. And after the day I've had? I need it.
I finally make it to the gas station, opening the door before I freeze…there at the checkout counter stands Travis fucking Phelps. Of all people! OF ALL PEOPLE! Of the people I could fucking run into why does it have to be him? I'd prefer my mom to see my smoking and out late, rather than this! I flick my cigarette to the ground and smash it.
I slink inside to try and to get to candy isle without the other boy noticing. I actually manage to do it and start browsing the candy selection and chips, I grab a couple rolls of lifesavers before making sure Travis was no longer at the counter before heading up to the front.
“Hey Larry, need a new pack” the college student working at the counter says, they seem tired, I couldn't imagine working this late plus going to college… his names Dave but I don't know him very well, just basic small talk information
“Not right now no, just these” I place the candies on the counter and find my wallet from my wallet chain, I pull out the needed amount and hand it over to Dave
“You know that kid?”
“Hm?’ I look back up at Dave.
“The kid at the counter before you, ya froze up when you saw him” what? Wait- ohh he's talking about Travis
“Yeah he's an ass” I groan “I hate the dude so much” I start to leave
“Ah I see, well good thing I caught you then to tell you. He's started to eat his Gummy Bears outside the store on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. So he probably still out there”
“Fuck” I curse and slump my shoulders “well thanks for the heads up Dave”
“Good luck” he waves leaning on the counter, I wave back and head out the door and low and behold right by the gas canisters was Travis sitting down, lanky knees to his chest eating gummy bears.
Around the same time I noticed him he noticed me.
“Johnson? The hell are you doing here”
“I could say the same to you preacher boy” I grab my pack of cigarettes and light up another one
“preacher boy? Really? Oh where the fuck you come up with that one? I wonder. Hmmmm” he rolls his eyes and scoffs before shoving another gummy bear in his mouth.
“Well it's more creative than “Johnson” which is literally just my last name.” I kick at the ground and look towards the sky
“Would you rather I call you bird boy for the absurdly large nose of yours-” I snap my head to look at him with a glare
“Geez okay fuck, point taken”
He snickers devilishly (I swear if Christianity is real this ass is the antichrist) and looks back down to his bag of gummy bears and I also look to his bag of gummy bears to see both a horrendous and thought provoking sight.
The bag was entirely filled with green gummy bears, A few other colors scattered amongst the green ones, But The majority was green gummy bears
“The fuck is wrong with your gummy bears-”
“Oh those ones are my favorite so I uh eat all the others first” he shrugged kinda awkwardly almost like he expected the conversation to end by now
“Dude the lime ones?”
“Actually they're strawberry-” he said
“No fucking way! They are GREEN, they are lime. mabey apple and POSSIBLY watermelon, but like- strawberry? Yeah no fuck that- where did you get that Idea numbnuts” I say with scoff
“It says it on the bag”
“No way dude.” I go and crouch next to him grabbing the bag from his hands with a soft tug which seems to shock him enough to let me
And there low and behold it's fucking strawberry, crouching is starting to get tiring so I sit down fully back against the wall, though neither me nor Travis acknowledge this gesture.
“Dude that's just fucking wrong-”
“I know but it's true”
“You sure you like didn't fucking tamper with the bag to fuck with me?”
“How the fuck would I do that first off, two I didn't know you were here till like 3 minutes ago so yeah no.”
“Okay fair enough” I laugh slightly
We sit there for a moment in awkward silence before I hand back the bag “sorry for snagging your snack-” before I realize I'm apologizing to TRAVIS
“It's fine-” he says awkwardly before looking at the cigarette in my hand “how many of those shit sticks do you smoke a day?”
“A lot…I uh honestly don't fucking know dude” I rub the back of my neck before taking another drag of my cigarette in to my lungs
“You're fucking up your lungs, you know that right?” he rolled his eyes
“I know” I sigh and slump down slightly against the wall and take a large puff of my cigarette
“Then why do you do it?” he asked tilting his head slightly
“Cause I'm a fucking idiot”
“Finally you admit to it…At least we agree on something” he snickers
I steal a gummy bear from his bag despite having my own candy in my pocket
“Hey!” He says “dick!” I snicker and put the gummy bear in my mouth before sucking on it in the inside of my cheek
“Revenge” I bring the cigarette up to my lips as a instinct and accidentally inhaling the gummy bear resulting in a coughing fit “Shit- Fuck- Ow-’
“ When did you decide that that was a good idea”
“ I don't know dude. It was just an impulse! Oral fixation or whatever the fuck” I cough in to my hoodie arm till I'm finally able to catch my breath.
Before I finally look back over to Travis to see him looking up to the stars, a look on his face that was far different from anything that I had seen on him before…he seemed…at peace.
He finally catches my gaze and I shake my head before looking up at the sky as well to mabey catch what had encapsulated him. The sky seems to go on forever, because well it does right? Star after star, system after system, galaxy after galaxy…it's a odd feeling but I feel at peace for the first time today. And to think it was next to Travis..
“Why are you still here?” The silence is finally broken by Travis and I look down to see him looking back at me. Despite him being slightly taller than me he's much scrawnier, looks more lanky as well. His piss ass bleach job covers his head, and his black eye can still be seen in the dim light. It honestly…looks a bit bloody and it hadn't looked that way earlier today, I shake that off again.
“I mean I can leave you alone you highness, as you wish” I snicker and start to get up expecting that to be the answer
“thats not what I fucking said- I asked WHY your here not why you aren't leaving” he said
“That doesn't really make much sense” I chuckle but stop moving to get up instead sitting back down
“Oh shut the fuck up and answer the question-” he rolled his eyes and ate a few more gummy bears
“I don't know man, I'm just here” I shrug “it's not like this is your convenience store”
“I know that dumbass, I'm asking why you're still here sitting next to me.”
“Oh uhhh” I phase and actually think for a second trying to come up with a reason but my mind is left blank so I just say “I mean, it's fun to mess with you-”
He rolled his eyes and continued to eat his now all strawberry gummy bears, once again looking up at the stars
“What exactly are you looking at?” I ask trying to fi
follow his gaze
“Space is weird, you mean to tell me that there are potentially whole other worlds of people out there? Or that there's nothing and that there's no bigger picture than just earth.”
“Wow that's a very scientific thought for a Bible thumper like you” He shoots a glare my way “sorry sorry-” I pause and actually think about what he said
“Well if there are other people out there, they're probably looking for us too…maybe we'll like…meet in the middle”
“And if there's no one else”
“Then we don't matter” he seems to droop at that but I continue “If life has no meaning, you get to create your own. God, Gods, immortal figures, you can still believe in them, they just don't decide your fate. You do…at least that's what I like to believe” I shrug and finally look back over to Travis who has a conflicting look on his face.
It's both awe struck and angered, almost like he's fighting with himself whether to let him have this or to turn it down as another crazy idea coming out of my mouth that means nothing.
“Your crazy Johnson” he finally stuttered out and started to eat even more gummy bears. I take the bud of my old cigarette and light up another one with its end
“Are you really chain smoking right now?”
“Fuck off choir boy-”
“I'm not even in the choir!”
“such a shame I bet you have the voice of a angel’ I say sarcastically which gets me a elbow to the ribs that only causes me to laugh slightly
“What- do you do at church” I surprise myself by asking
“Oh…. I uh. Teach Sunday school.”
“You! Sunday school? No way-” I laugh and throw my head back slight as I do so
“I do!....trust me it wasn't my first choice but I don't know the kids are fun to work with and they seem to like me so I stay” he shrugs and eats another gummy bear, his bag quickly depleteing
“Wait your being serious-”
“Yes asshole” he elbowed me again, right in the bruised rib, I recoile slightly but speak up again
“Sorry sorry just…a little shocked is all-” I laugh
“I know, it shocks me too” he said finally stretching out his legs from his chest
“Kids didn't seem like your thing.” I say looking back up at the sky to observe the world once more
“I know it still doesn't seem like my thing but I mean….the kids like me, they….’ He pauses fur moment seeming to debate whether he was saying what he was saying
“ They give me their drawings, The ones they do on their own time. I actually have a section on my wall where I've hung them all up”
“ That's actually kind of sweet. Who imagined that Travis Phelps could be soft” I chuckle, But it genuinely sounds nice. It doesn't sound like a Travis thing but, oddly enough, it's a little fitting.
“I'm not soft” He grumbled and ate the last two gummy bears in one's handful
“ I mean you sound pretty soft to meeee” I tease and in a sing-songy voice while elbowing him on the arm.
“ Oh shut up Johnson” He seems to laugh. It's not a laugh I've heard before, usually I had malicious intent behind it. This…. This was a nice laugh.
We sit in silence but it's not an uncomfortable silence anymore, it feels filled with emotion and softness, which is the opposite of what happens when I'm around Travis but it's not a bad thing…I look down at my watch, 1am…I have to get home.
“Hey so Dave said you're here every Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays?”
“Oh uh…yeah? Kinda I guess” he rubbed the back of his neck
“I'll see you Wednesday” I smile and salute as I stand up tossing my cigarette and stomping it out
“Why?”
“Why not, nothing matters after all” I shrug and start to walk away waving to him
Maybe this day wasn't so bad after all…