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The morning starts wonderfully, with a kiss from David on the nose as soon as he wakes up. “Morning,” David murmurs, and wow, David is awake first for once, and fully dressed. That might seem like a cheap compliment, but his boyfriend is not a morning person at all, comparable to a grumpy Persian cat when woken from his princely slumber. His soft hands stroke the top of Xander’s head. “I made breakfast already. Corned beef hash with salted eggs, just the way you like it.”
Xander tries not to giggle, given how close David’s starry eyes are to his face. “It’s not my birthday today, is it?”
David’s expression turns unreadable for the briefest moment, before his happy smile returns. “Not yet. But you’re always so good to me— I thought it would be nice to try being the good boyfriend compared to you for once.”
He closes the distance between them with his mouth before Xander can protest about his own morning breath, and it’s so intense that Xander is glad he’s still lying down. David nibbles at Xander’s lip before sucking on his tongue, straddling Xander’s form with his body. The rebel feels entirely owned in that very moment, melting under David’s love.
When it’s over, Xander is completely breathless, gasping as David removes himself and turns away. “We shouldn’t let the food get cold,” David says, but he doesn’t sound very concerned.
“I think we should go to the summer fair today,” David announces as Xander chews through a mouthful of yolk. Swallowing, Xander has to blink twice. Really? If he didn’t just have one of the most intense make-out sessions of his life, Xander would think he’s still dreaming.
“That’s… uncharacteristic of you. Don’t you hate the heat?” Xander asks.
“They have air conditioning in the dining hall.” Xander laughs at that. “Besides, don’t you want to go?”
That Xander did. He’d wanted to take David to congratulate him for all his hard work this year at Hope’s Peak, not only having an excellent year with his career, but also for trying really hard to pass his finals. Even though students were only required to pass the technical exam for their Ultimate talents, David had still come to Xander for tutoring on their final exams. Xander didn’t know what inspired such a positive change in David, but Xander knew how much David was struggling, and decided not to pry. He also knew that perhaps it wasn’t the best gift, since David preferred indoor activities, but now Xander knew he was wrong.
“I do!” Xander chirps, and this time David is the one that laughs, pulling tickets out of his pant pockets. Xander goes slack-jawed.
“Careful,” David says, pointing at Xander’s mouth. “You don’t want the food to fall out of your mouth, do you?”
“My goodness— I mean, you had this all planned out, didn’t you?”
David winks, and honestly, that’s really cheesy, but it makes Xander’s heart flutter. “I said I was going to be the good boyfriend today, didn’t I?”
Today is shaping up to be wonderful.
It’s a great day for Xander, but not an immediate good start for David’s, because as soon as they make it through security, David immediately takes a water balloon to the face.
“Oops.” Is all J has to say for herself. She puts her hands in her short pockets and whistles. “I mean… if you’re mad, there are plenty of balloons in tent 1F.”
David scowls, shaking his head like a wet cat, splashing Xander in the process. The rebel chuckles. Not the perfect boyfriend just yet. “Pah. What were you even aiming at anyway?” David asks.
“The big, loud red target next to you.”
“Hey!” Xander pouts, then yelps as his chest gets soaked. He hears a high-pitched giggle as another girl approaches, and oh god, it’s her.
“Your aim is fucking shit, J. How’d you miss him?” Arei taunts. Xander’s not quick enough to dodge, this time taking an icy bomb to the face. “He’s really tall, like unreasonably so. At least you didn’t miss Arturo.”
J clicks her teeth. “Excuse me for not having better aim than the Ultimate Bowler.” She tosses another balloon, but Xander manages to pull David out of the way. “Shit.”
Xander isn’t really that mad about being their target. In fact, it’s pretty refreshing in this heat. “David. You’re my perfect boyfriend today, right? That means you have to avenge me!”
David rolls his eyes, but he still smiles. “Avenge you? First of all, they splashed us both with a little bit of water, you didn’t die. Second of all,” David looks down at Xander’s chest. “I think I like—”
The horny inspirational speaker is interrupted by a mouthful of water from Arei. “Too much fucking flirting, you guys are gross! Run, J!” Arei shouts, giggling as she sprints in the opposite direction.
Xander snorts as David spits the water out of his mouth like a dribbling dog. “Change of plans. Xander, you’d better win this.”
“Don’t look so sulky, David. We got in a few good hits. Here, have a piece of pie.”
David glowers as he chews on the slice of dessert Xander offered. “We still ended up looking like a bunch of wet mutts in the end. Ugh, Arei’s smug a— I mean, Arei doesn’t have to gloat about it that much, she’s the Ultimate Bowler.”
“Now that’s just being a sore loser.” Xander is relieved that, in spite of David’s words about being committed to being the best boyfriend, some of David’s snarkiness is still in there. The David Xander likes isn’t a perfect paragon, but frankly, a bit of a weirdo.
Xander hears a feminine voice. “Oh, it’s you two!”
Eden and … Mai are here. David grips Xander’s hand, and Xander is about to ask why, but his boyfriend cuts him off. “Hello you two. If you’re here, I suppose that means…” he points at Eden, then at Mai. “You both… are…”
Eden’s cheeks flush, and Mai simply nods. Always unflappable, Mai. It’s one of the things Xander admires about her. “Don’t tease, David,” Mai responds. She tosses Xander a stuffed bear. “For you.”
His boyfriend scowls. “How come I don’t get one? And are you trying to steal my boyfriend away with bribes?”
“Because you’re a dork,” Mai replies evenly. Before David can retort, she looks at Xander and smiles, in that all-knowing, perfectly shaped expression. “I’m glad you’re having a good day today, Xander.”
David stands up so abruptly that it tugs Xander’s arm upwards a little. “Thanks for the gift, but we should be going now. Bye you two!”
“Wait David, we should clean up the food!”
When they leave, neither of them look back.
“How many more of our classmates do you think we’ll see today?” Xander asks. “They’ve made our day rather enjoyable— oh, but that’s not to say I wouldn’t have liked spending the day with you alone…”
David pats his (now dry) shoulder. “I get it, don’t worry. I didn’t expect so many of them to be here either.” He points in the direction of the goldfish scooping stand. “Speaking of classmates, there’s two more.”
“Pfff— haha! Charles, you are so bad at this…”
“One more word about how I’m not so-fish-ticated enough to attract any fish, and I’m dunking you in the water, reparation charges be damned.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s just the way you are. They’re not even swimming over to you anymore… I guess you smell too fishy!”
“Eugh. Even I think that one was bad,” David says as they both walk over, announcing their presence to the pair. “Hello to the both of you.”
“Hey there, starboy! And it’s…” Whit blinks, then smiles at Xander. Everyone has been so strange today. “Hey, Xander. Decided to come out today, huh? That’s good. I’m glad.”
Charles curses as the small net in his hand breaks. “Dammit.” He stands up from his crouched position. “Oh, it’s you two.” He blinks, just like Whit. “Xander? I didn’t expect you to be here of all places today.”
“Why wouldn’t I be out here?” Xander asks, right as David kicks Charles in the shin.
David groans again. “Ugh. Ignore that guy. Let’s just get some nets.”
“Wait.” Charles puts his hand out, not deterred by David’s kick. “Xander, are you truly unaware of what day today is? Are you high?”
“Uh, Charles,” Whit says carefully. “Maybe you shouldn’t—”
What day today is? Today is the last day of May. It’s sweltering hot. For most students, exams are almost over.
Today is—
The realization assaults Xander, starting with his chest. It squeezes his heart with a clawed grip, and Xander can’t breathe. “Oh shit,” Whit utters out, right as Xander hears David swear. David’s trying to tell Xander something, but it all feels so far away, because how could he have forgotten— today is, today is—
“I have to go,” is all Xander manages to get out before his legs take him far, far away from happiness.
His dorm room is cold with his family’s massacre floating in the air like a fog. Xander feels like a little kid again, running home in tears, come on darling, what’s the matter? Don’t worry about the other kids, remember what I told you? If they don’t stop picking on you after you crack your knuckles like I showed you, just say “My mother can end you with one phone call…”
But his mother isn’t here anymore. She hasn’t been here in years, neither has his father or his little siblings, all a vanishing act in May, never to return, family and tragedy, two words trailing off of each other, one word hopping into the dirt-filled grave after the other.
He kicks his shoes off and nestles himself under the thin covers on his bed. Already it’s much too hot for Xander to be sleeping under a regular blanket, and he feels small and naked underneath the feeble protection on his back. Swallowing, Xander pulls open the top drawer of his nightstand and takes a photo out. The edges have crinkled with time, and Xander tries not to laugh with hysteria at the thought.
Xander doesn’t even know why he’s upset. He should be happy; today was truly wonderful. He’d had a good time at the fair, several blissful hours of euphoria before it all came crashing down. But he would have realized eventually, wouldn’t he?
He hiccups. Maybe that’s it. He might not have realized until Charles pointed it out. But he finds that the vortex of anger inside of him isn’t directed at Charles. It’s not Charles’ fault. It’s his own fault. Everyone keeps telling him that his family would have wanted him to move on, but Xander knows they wouldn’t have wanted to be forgotten.
Xander now remembers why he even forgot. He was originally planning on buying a ticket, but the weather over Chariton this year has been too testy during tornado season, so unlike last year, with Mai—
His thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door. Rubbing his eyes, Xander opens it, because even though he doesn’t want anyone to see him like this, he knows who is likely at there, and he doesn’t deserve Xander’s discontentment and failures either.
“Hey,” David greets awkwardly, rubbing one hand behind his head. He sticks Mai’s bear out with the other hand. “You left this behind. I told Charles to apologize tomorrow, since…”
Xander shakes his head. “No, I… thank you, but it’s alright. Charles didn’t do anything wrong.”
And neither did you violently worms its way into Xander’s skull, and his head throbs. It doesn’t make any sense and it’s awful, but Xander has just been horrible, so Xander tries to push the thought away. “Can I come in?” David asks.
So Xander lets him in. He feels like a boiling kettle, pressure building from the blood in his ears. It’s strange and frighteningly terrible; he hates being angry at David for an inexplicable, nonexistent reason, and that just makes Xander hate himself more. He catches the exact moment David spots the photo on his bed, a small o shape forming on David’s mouth before he closes it.
“Are you okay?” David’s voice doesn’t lay it on thick with the worry, and Xander is so grateful. He hates the moments when everyone treats him like a fragile object that’ll shatter if handled incorrectly.
Xander blinks the tears out his eyes. “I’m okay. I’m just… I don’t know—”
“You don’t have to know,” David says much too quickly. He settles down on Xander’s bed next to the photo with the bear, patting at the space adjacent to him, furthest from the photo. “Come here.”
David pulls him into a one-armed embrace when he does. It’s no good, and Xander doesn’t understand. “I’m sorry that today didn’t… it didn’t make you feel better.”
I’m sorry that you feel. I’m sorry that you feel. I’m sorry that you feel.
Even though everyone’s an expert, Xander had hoped David would be different. Xander sniffs instead. “I’m sorry, David. I know you tried hard today, too—”
David doesn’t let him finish. “What would make you feel better? A bath?” The sky is bruising outside like a red welt. “Or dinner? We don’t have to go anywhere. It’ll be my treat.”
Too nice. Too nice, too nice, too nice! Xander wants to reach over and grab the photo from David, but he knows he might rip it.
So he begs. “Give that back. Please.”
David shifts nervously. “I… I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
And that’s how all the horrible pieces slot into place. “Did you, did you think I wouldn’t…” Xander can’t squeeze the rest out. It feels like the truth is strangling him, wringing out all the anger and filling him up with horror instead.
David looks away guiltily. “So the reason you were so nice to me today, it was—” Xander continues, feeling stupid. He’s well aware that he’s accusing his boyfriend of being abnormally kind, as if David is always a piece of shit, which he isn’t.
“It’s not like that,” David insists. “I wasn’t trying to trick you. I just thought— it’d be best for you to spend the day happy instead of…”
Don’t be sad. Don’t be miserable. Things will be okay. Xander thinks of himself back then, huddled up in bed like before, David’s form through his pixelated screen, smiling, speaking about determination, love, too nice, Xander hates it, T O O N I C E, he has to be kind too, he can’t—
It comes out as a scream as Xander wrestles himself out of David’s love. “Then why are you still holding it?! I told you to give it back! If you cared, why are you still doing this?! GIVE THEM BACK!”
David swears as they both lose their balance, slipping off the mattress. The photo floats to the ground, and in an instant, Xander is scrambling over it, huddled on all fours like David’s going to tear the photo to shreds, even though he wouldn’t ever do anything that terrible.
Xander sobs. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
He’s not sure who he’s apologizing to. Everyone but himself.
David crouches down beside him. Xander can’t look up to face him. “I’m sorry too.”