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It was a dark and stormy night. The swaying of the trees outside from the intense wind caused the branches to smack against the apartment building's walls every so often. It was... irritating to say the least, especially when the man was trying to get some much needed sleep.
Of course, it wasn't really the wind that was keeping Leonard up. But that was what he told himself as he shifted in his bed, rolling from this side to that.
No, it was his brain. It just wouldn't turn off... wouldn't stop thinking of his roommate. He'd like to blame the night's earlier events for kicking off this line of thinking, the man sitting far too close to him on their couch, for holding out a hand to touch his forehead gently, germs be damned.
But no, this thought process happened far too often at night when Leonard tried to go to bed to be just due to this night's events. No, he was trapped in this cycle from now on it seemed.
Now Leonard was quite sure that he was heterosexual. After all, he was a straight male just like his father before him and his father before him. It was just the way the Hofstadters were. No need to question it. Don't even let yourself for a second wonder what it may be like, letting all your walls down, letting your boundaries go and going there. What would it feel like to reach out and touch Sheldon? What would it feel like to lay in bed next to the man late at night feeling sleep tug at your subconscious. Would it be heavenly? Would I feel safe finally?
The physicist shrugged away the feelings just like he always had. His thoughts drifted to Penny. Yes, that was a comforting topic to think on. He didn't have to feel guilty about thinking about her. He didn't feel lazy or even strange as his mind focused on her and simply her. He could just let go when he thought of Penny's hair, her warm skin, her laugh.
Of course, not completely. Not like when he thought of his room mate. No, that was much easier. His mind drifted to him quite often, usually 5 or 6 times a day every day. He didn't have to focus his energy on Sheldon, it was already there. He didn't have to force it. He didn't need to think about him or command his attention to him as it was already consumed with the man's physiology and mind and just everything.
Leonard rolled onto his side frustrated at his own mind's thoughts. He huffed out a breath of exhaustion and wondered idly if Sheldon was at this moment also laying in his bed and thinking of him. No, of course he wasn't, that was idiotic. You're better than that, Hofstadter, his own mind corrected.
'Time to get over yourself. Think about Penny again.' he thought quietly shutting his eyes against any sort of hallucinations that threatened to crop up.
Every day, every minute, every hour that praying mantis swirled throughout his mind. It wasn't fair. It really wasn't.
He got to be just fine, living his life, ignoring practically everyone in it, not caring to take even a second to care for any of them.
He hated him.
No... actually, he really didn't.
Leonard swallowed, nervously shifting about this way and that in the bed. There was no way he was going to be able to drift off and he feared checking his phone to see the time. He had work first thing in the morning bright and early. Leonard finally decided he'd better get up if he wanted to get any sleep at all this night.
He stood and grabbed his red beacon blanket robe from the chair nearby and pulled it on. Leonard left the bedroom in a haste stalking out towards their kitchen in search of a warm drink to quell his nerves and restless mind.
He stared at their kitchen cupboard for a long moment before finally reaching in and pulling out the elaborate wooden tea box Sheldon kept in the house. Snatching out a chamomile tea bag, he reached up for a mug as well sitting it down on the counter before him.
He filled their red kettle with water and set it on the stove to boil before placing his head in his hands in exasperation.
Dear god... why did his brain have to torture him this way?! No... it was his physical body that did this not his mind, he reprimanded himself.
Why oh why was he born this way? It wasn't fair. At least if he were attracted to some random guy out at a club or at a bar he could handle that. Couldn't he? But not Sheldon... not his room mate, his best friend. What was he supposed to do with those feelings?
How was he supposed to react to that? How exactly was something like this supposed to work out between them? Terribly, that's how, his mind answered bitterly as his entire being filled with pessimism.
Leonard stood up checking to see if the kettle was ready but of course, it was still just sitting there on the stove. He huffed in exasperation. This was taking forever! His mind was keeping him so busy that he almost didn't hear the footsteps coming in from down the hall and into the kitchen area.
Leonard jumped, suddenly realizing with a start that Sheldon had appeared in the doorway behind him. He stood there quietly watching him clad in his regular blue and green plaid flannel robe and pajama pants. Before he could even say anything to the man, Sheldon grabbed him with a brute force and strength he had no idea he even had!
Sheldon had pushed him up against the kitchen wall leaning against him so close that they were pressed tightly together. Leonard's heart fluttered in his chest as his eyes searched the other man's quizzically.
The taller physicist ran his fingers through his curly brown hair before reaching down towards his waist and began grasping at his hips.
He began to ground against them with a intensity in his eyes that sort of startled Leonard but also... intrigued him a little? Struggling against the man as he began to kiss him fiercely, Leonard finally broke away breathing hard and searching the other man's eyes bewildered at just what was happening between them.
“Sheldon... ?” he trailed off still trying to catch his breath.
The man just stared down at him, pupils widened to a saucer like size and mouth twitching this way and that.
“I... uh... that was... uh... ” he trailed off again unsure of his own words at the moment. Sheldon seemed to be on a whole other wavelength, still not speaking to him but fixated on staring him down hard with a look that was almost feral. It scared him a little bit... or did it?
He swallowed and moved slightly towards his right stepping just out of the other man's reach.
“Leonard... are you okay?” Sheldon's voice sounded, snapping Leonard out of his daydream.
He spun around and looked towards the hall where his roommate was stood clad in the same blue and green flannel robe as before. However, it became apparent to him at once that he had imagined the whole thing.
“What? O-of course, I'm okay!” He laughed sheepishly, blushing an extreme shade of red.
Sheldon narrowed his eyes at him in suspicion and then simply pointed at the stove. “It's just that the kettle has been going off for quite some time now.”
Leonard looked to the tea kettle and quickly brought it off the burner and busied himself continuing to make his chamomile tea. He kept his head down and hoped the physicist would just go away. This, of course, did not happen because this was his life and his luck, and his luck was shit.
“Leonard, why are you not sleeping? Is something keeping you up? Oh, is it your work? Have you finally decided to stop wasting so much time on dark matter?” The man chatted on cheerfully as he too grabbed a mug from the cabinet to pour himself a cup of tea using the hot water.
“No... I'm fine, it's just-”
“Oh, is it because Penny recently was seen with that dark hair gentleman outside her apartment? I have tried telling you, she is not interested in-”
“Sheldon! Stop! Everything's fine, okay? Just leave me alone!” The man snapped, taking his mug over to the couch and settling back on it to stare moodily at the blank TV screen before them.
Sheldon of course followed, his own mug of tea in hand and he joined him in his spot on the couch. He glanced at his roommate once, twice, then a third time hoping for Leonard to look back at him. When he did, he let his eyes rake over the man's worried and distraught face in confusion. He really wasn't good at reading faces. Maybe he was just constipated?
Leonard took a deep breath in and out, attempting to calm down. The man would never leave him alone if he thought there was something wrong. He was infuriating like that.
“I'm just... I'm concerned over a certain... relationship I have. We'll put it like that.” He shrugged, sipping at the hot tea. The sooner he finished it, the sooner he could go back to bed. But then... he'd probably still be struck with this insomnia so why bother?
Sheldon thought for a moment before turning to the man and attempting to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. Because he was Sheldon however, it came off more awkward and creepy than anything, causing Leonard to burst out laughing. “What's so funny?” The taller man asked in complete confusion.
“I'm sorry... you just, look so stiff and awkward!”
“Well, I'm trying to be comforting to you!”
“I know. Thanks.” Leonard set down his mug and crossed his arms across his chest, feeling more than a little vulnerable sitting so close to the man.
“Are you sure you don't have a temperature? I know I checked earlier but-” Sheldon reached out a hand again to hold it against his forehead, causing Leonard to turn even redder as he batted his hand away.
“I'm fine, Sheldon! I'm not sick! Just stop!”
The theoretical physicist shrugged and picked up his tea again sipping it gently.
“I think that... I have feelings for someone that I shouldn't have. That's all. And it's horrible that I feel this way... “ he laughed mirthlessly, “because there is no way the feelings will be reciprocated.”
“Well, how do you know?”
Leonard scoffed. “I think I know.”
“Well, unless you've told the person your feelings, you don't have enough data to determine that hypothesis. Why not just ask them how they feel? Or at the very least, confess your internal, burning, sexual thoughts and obsessions to them and then you'll be free to go about your night!”
Watching as the other man sipped quietly at his tea, Leonard felt as though he was going mad. Rolling his eyes, he stood up, intent on getting to bed. This conversation was going nowhere. “Yeah, okay, Sheldon. I'll just confess my feelings so I can get absolutely destroyed and heartbroken about them. Yeah, I'll do that!” He began to storm off to his room, tea forgotten on the coffee table, his mind questioning why he'd mentioned being heartbroken. This was simply a sexual attraction no?
Slamming his door behind him, he ripped his robe off and flung himself on his bed with a bounce. He was behaving like a teenager despite being very close to 30 but he didn't care. He'd had enough!
It wasn't long before Sheldon began knocking at his door in his usual 3 knock pattern. Leonard pushed his hands into his face, covering his eyes in frustration. “Come in.” He finally muttered beneath them.
“Leonard... you left your tea on the table.”
“I'm sorry... “
“I brought it for you.”
“Thank you... “
“You can't just leave your tea on the coffee table.”
“I know... “
Leonard let out a heavy sigh before sitting back up and staring at the man who was now sitting on the edge of his bed. He found himself overwhelmed with the smell of the other man's shampoo which was now wafting towards him rapidly. He lost himself in his eyes and even though he didn't have his glasses on, he found himself zooming in on the fuzzy pattern of Sheldon's face. He licked his lips and reached out for his glasses from the nightstand, placing them back on his face. “Sheldon... “ he began uncertainly.
“Yes, Leonard?” He asked, setting both of their teas on the nightstand beside them.
“Do you think it's better to confess? To get things all out in the open?”
“I do.”
“Even if that person doesn't reciprocate the feelings?”
“Of course. There is no reason to hold it all inside, not when it conflicts with your work and your happiness. What point is there to hiding it?”
Leonard laughed sadly. “Because... I can't bear it... “ Rubbing at his eyes beneath his glasses, he decided to just rip the band-aid off. “Sheldon?”
“Yes, Leonard?”
“I think that I'm attracted to you. And... I have feelings for you. And... it's really effecting me and my sleep and my work and god, just like everything! I can't... deal with it anymore.” Leonard let out another big sigh, wincing for the sharp tongued response he was sure to receive.
Sheldon sat back and quizzically looked at his roommate. “Oh, is that all?”
“What? Is that all?! How dare you!”
“Well, I just mean, you might have just mentioned something instead of tearing yourself up inside. I too have found myself attracted to you at one point or another. And I definitely have feelings for you, larger ones than just a roommate or a friend or colleague. Why didn't you say anything?” His tone turned from a gentle one to a more irritated barb like accusation.
“Me?! Why didn't you say anything?!”
“Well, I assumed you were heterosexual. After all, you do spend most of your days chasing after Penny despite how laughably tragic that's likely to end up!”
Leonard bristled at the man's words before smirking and laughing to himself. “Oh yeah? And what about 'confessing your internal, burning, sexual thoughts and obsessions', huh?”
“Oh, Leonard, my mind runs thousands of computations a second. It is a super hard worker! There's no way a simple little crush would ever derail my work or throw me off of my rhythms-”
“Yeah, yeah, okay, fine. Well... so now what?”
“Perhaps you should finish your tea and get to sleep. We do have work tomorrow.”
“I know that, Sheldon. I meant... like, now what? With us?”
Getting to his feet, the physicist seemed to contemplate the question as he picked up his mug from the nightstand and began to drain it. “Oh, well, it seems I'll need to draw up a whole new contract changing our relationship status from strictly roommates to boyfriends.”
Leonard chuckled. “Boyfriends?”
“Yes, it's a big difference, Leonard. It will require lots of new pages and your signature.”
“Yes, I figured, Sheldon.”
After another few seconds of Sheldon seeming to calculate something in his mind, he quickly stepped forward, leaned down and kissed Leonard on the mouth. It was a chaste, quick kiss and before he'd relaxed into it, the other man had pulled away.
He looked up at him as he retreated back to the hallway, shutting the door behind him. “Goodnight Leonard.”
Leonard smiled to himself and called. “Goodnight, Sheldon.”