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Buck stared at the bowl with the brownies in his hands, wondering what had just happened. It felt like he had seen a ghost and maybe if he weren’t holding the bowl in his hands he might have even been able to dismiss it as nothing but a bad dream or a hallucination.
Buck inhaled deeply and turned to walk to his car. This woman, Kim, had clearly not been mistaken about who she wanted to see and the implication about her relationship with Eddie had been clear. Which didn’t make sense as Eddie was dating Marisol. And it made even less sense that Kim was looking like Shannon’s twin.
He needed to talk to Eddie. The sooner the better.
Which meant he needed to change his plans for the evening, so he pulled out his phone as soon as he sat in his car. For once there was no dread coiling in his gut about having to postpone a date at least for a couple of hours.
Buck: Hey Baby, something came up with Eddie. I’ll be late.
Buck: I hope not by too much. Text me if it’s getting too late for you.
The little icon in the corner of the messages sprang to read nearly immediately, but Buck didn’t wait for a reply before he started the car. For a moment he contemplated calling Eddie, but he decided eventually that not giving Eddie any warning might be for the best to get him to open up.
It took a surprisingly long time before his phone chimed, notifying him of an incoming text. At the next red light, Buck grabbed his phone to check it.
Tommy: No problem. Is Eddie hurt? Or Chris?
Buck: No one is hurt. Not sure where Eddie’s head is.
Buck couldn’t help the sappy grin and the warmth spreading through his chest. Earlier, Bobby had said he knew Tommy was a good person because they hadn’t needed to talk about him, and that was so very fitting.
Of course Buck had talked a lot about spending time with Tommy, but there hadn’t been any conversations questioning his decisions in any way despite what Buck had expected about it because it had always come up in the past—either brought up by his own doubts or by someone else questioning something he had shared with them.
There had also not been a single instance of anyone questioning his sexuality—which Buck knew he had to thank Hen for who had educated the whole of 118 about their behavior long before Buck had ever joined the team.
Most importantly, there also hadn’t been any doubt in Buck about being able to build this relationship, and that was a completely new situation for him.
This text from Tommy just showed why no one had seen a need to question their relationship. Except for Abby, every single woman Buck had dated since joining the 118 had at one point or another complained about his hours, about his friendships, or that he didn’t prioritize them when they wanted to spend time with him no matter his previous plans or any emergencies coming up. Buck knew without a doubt that everyone in the past would have complained about his messages instead of asking after Eddie and especially Chris.
There wasn’t another red light all the way to Eddie’s place, so Buck only got a chance to read Tommy’s next text after parking his car in front of Eddie’s house.
Tommy: Text me if you or Eddie need anything.
Tommy: And don’t worry about how late it gets. I’ll be home. Come by whenever.
Buck grinned and just sent a heart emoji back. He blew out a breath and grabbed the brownies, wondering what kind of minefield he was about to walk into.
***
It was far past midnight when Buck finally stood in front of Tommy’s house and rang the bell. But the light was still on, and Buck had checked Tommy’s last text several times to make sure he hadn’t just imagined the open invitation. He hadn’t been this worried about Eddie in a long time and part of him had told him to stay at the Diaz house overnight, but it had been clear that Eddie had wanted to be alone.
“Hey,” Tommy said softly when he opened the door. His smile turned into a frown as he eyed Buck from head to toe, then he just pulled Buck into a tight hug. “You look horrible.”
Buck laughed quietly. “So bad, huh?” He sighed deeply and sank into the hug, grateful for the warmth and the freely offered support.
“How is Eddie?”
Buck shrugged without saying anything.
Tommy sighed deeply and pulled Buck inside the house. A little while later Buck found himself curled up against Tommy’s chest while they were more lying than sitting on the couch, and he truly didn’t remember how he had gotten here. But it was good and warm and soft and that was all that mattered.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Buck sighed and shrugged. There wasn’t much he felt he could talk about, not without disclosing much more than he thought he had a right to. But even just sharing his worry about how Eddie clearly still hadn’t dealt with Shannon’s death was a relief even without mentioning Kim at all. Tommy let him talk and Buck was sure half of the things he said wouldn’t make much sense to Tommy without more knowledge about past and current events, but Tommy didn’t ask.
Instead, Tommy let Buck ramble through his thoughts, making encouraging noises from time to time, and offered a word or phrase here or there when Buck trailed off because he was so occupied with his emotions that he didn’t remember the right word he was looking for.
“It’s good that Eddie has you to lean on in this,” Tommy said long after Buck had fallen silent.
“I’m so fucking worried for him,” Buck murmured. “I hope being there for him is enough. I think he needs to go back to therapy but that’s always a battle with him.”
Buck hoped it might be easier this time because Eddie had recognized how much it had helped him last time and had even said as much out loud. But he wasn’t holding his breath.
Tommy hummed. “Is there any way I can help either of you?”
“You are already helping.” Buck sighed and turned his head to look up at Tommy. “Really, I think this is the first time I don’t have to deal with my worry for Eddie on my own.”
It was a startling change and Buck wasn’t sure now was the right time for him to think about that change. Or about the implications for either his past relationships, even his friendships, and his relationship with Tommy. Just a couple of months ago Buck would have gone home to his own apartment and spent the rest of the night worrying about Eddie and making plans without being able to talk with anyone about it.
“I’m here,” Tommy said softly. “So, what do you think Eddie needs? What do you need other than a sounding board?”
“I have no idea yet,” Buck admitted. “Eddie should know that no matter what, he isn’t alone. But I guess I’ll need to be a little more proactive, need to push a little more again to remind him.”
“Do you think it will help if I invite him to some things? Provide a distraction. Or maybe even another person he can talk to if he wants to.”
Buck bit his lip. “Yeah. Maybe someone who didn’t know Shannon and barely knows anything about her or their situation could be good for Eddie. A good way to get a different perspective, too.”
“And what do you need?”
“I don’t know.”
“Evan,” Tommy whispered patiently and rubbed a hand over his back. There was a question in that one word but also so much reassurance and Buck didn’t know how so much could be put into someone just saying his name. But that had always been the case with Tommy and one reason why he had never asked Tommy to call him Buck.
Buck huffed. “No, really. You are already giving me more than I ever had before. I mean, when Eddie was shot right in front of me and I lost my mind a little bit about it all, I was told by several people that I needed to stop making the situation about myself.” He knew without a question that if he had gone to anyone else to share his worries and his own pain about Eddie’s situation, he’d heard that same line again. “But no matter what I do it never works. I always end up—”
Tommy sucked in a breath, and he grabbed the back of Buck’s hoodie tightly as he interrupted him, “You were there when Eddie was shot?”
Buck blinked, surprised. He truly thought that was common knowledge, but maybe it was not. “Yeah. I was there and so was Captain Mehta’s crew from the 133.”
“So you were shot at and under fire while helping to save Eddie and still told the situation wasn’t about you?” Tommy sounded angry and disbelieving at the same time. “I’m a little angry right now at Hen and Chimney. And Bobby. And anyone else who ever told you that bullshit!”
Buck shrugged. “But Eddie was the one who was hurt.”
“That really—” Tommy took a deep breath. “I’m sorry that you were ever told that line. And we’ll talk about it at one point because I think from what you just said it’s a toxic pattern. But that’s not the most important or pressing matter right now.”
“Toxic pattern?” Buck asked confused.
Tommy nudged Buck until he sat up and then cupped his neck with one hand and met Buck’s gaze head-on. “I remember how you told me you tend to make everything about yourself in a very self-deprecating tone when I came over to your place after the basketball game.”
Buck bit his lip with a frown and felt himself blush. Those really hadn’t been his best days and he still didn’t understand how they hadn’t made Tommy turn around and run far away.
“I let it go then even though I thought it was bullshit. But if you associate not getting support with that line and then bring up a situation that was very much about yourself in some attempt to explain how wrong your behavior is, then there is clearly a toxic pattern at play in your friends’ group. Which can happen even among the best of friends without anyone noticing, so I’m not putting any blame on anyone here, okay?”
Buck shook his head. “I think you misunderstood.”
Tommy hummed. “Your emotions are valid, Evan, and as long you don’t expect Eddie to help you deal with those emotions right now, you have every right to ask for whatever help you need. That’s not making the situation about yourself. Maybe I misunderstood or maybe not. But that’s why we’ll talk about this later when we’ve both had a proper night of sleep and neither of us is worried about Eddie. “
Buck huffed. He really didn’t want to talk about it, but the way Tommy looked at him told him that there was no chance for Tommy to just forget about it. “Okay.”
Tommy smiled sadly. “Good. I take your answer from earlier to mean that you really don’t know right now what you need as support. That’s okay. But just as you want to remind Eddie that you are there for him no matter what, I want you to remember that I’m here for you in that same role. I can very well support you and Eddie both in different ways and at the same time.”
Buck smiled and once again Bobby’s words from earlier echoed in his head. “Yeah, okay. I’ll … try to remember to ask if I think of anything that might help me.”
Tommy nodded and leaned forward to kiss Buck’s temple. “Good. I’m glad you still came over and didn’t go home.”
“Didn’t want to be alone,” Buck admitted. “Thank you for being so understanding.”
Tommy raised his brows and just looked at Buck in a way that told him Tommy really didn’t know why there was anything to thank him for.
Buck sighed and rolled his eyes. “Yes, I wasn’t very lucky with having understanding partners in the past. Still getting used to it. Bite me.”
Tommy grinned for a moment, and the mood in the room shifted in a very tangible way. “Maybe I will, but in very much different circumstances.”
Buck laughed and shuddered slightly, feeling himself blush again but for very different reasons this time. At this point, he already knew from experience that Tommy wasn’t making an empty promise here. He really didn’t mind that change of topic or would protest to table anything else until the morning—most things seemed to be easier to bear once he’d had a chance to sleep a couple of hours over it.
Tommy’s grin turned into a soft smile. “So, you are calling me Baby now, huh?”
Buck blinked confused. “What?”
Tommy chuckled and leaned in but stopped just before kissing Buck. “Your first text earlier.”
Buck frowned and tried to remember what Tommy was referring to, but it took him embarrassingly long to remember what he had written at all. “Oh.” He cleared his throat sheepishly, wondering if he needed to apologize for it or not. He didn’t know if he wanted to apologize because repeating that word in his head while thinking of Tommy felt pretty great.
“I like it,” Tommy whispered and then finally kissed Buck.
Buck chuckled into the kiss. He grabbed the front of Tommy’s shirt and stood, dragging his boyfriend up with him. He only interrupted the kiss when he turned in the direction of Tommy’s bedroom. Tommy had a promise to go through with and Buck was very much looking forward to it.