Chapter Text
When Oikawa was thirteen, he accepted that he had a crush on Iwaizumi.
It didn’t hit him all at once; it was a slow process of realizing that his feelings for his friend passed platonic. At first, he noticed his chest tightened and his heart beat faster when he was around Iwaizumi, but it started to become more apparent through the way he would smile at just the thought of the other boy. As much as Oikawa had wanted to deny it, he was falling for Iwauzmi.
He told himself that there was no way that his friend would like him back. He had seen how Iwaizumi acted around girls, quiet and shy, the exact opposite of how he interacted with Oikawa. Oikawa thought it was foolish to compromise their friendship by confessing to Iwaizumi when he knew he’d be shot down. Instead, he promised to keep his feelings a secret to prevent future conflict.
He walked side by side with his first real crush, listening as he went on about an action film he had watched the night before. As they headed home from the park, Oikawa couldn’t stop himself from smiling when Iwaizumi got overly excited about a part of the movie where the main character did a “super crazy stunt” (Iwaizumi’s words, not Oikawa’s). Oikawa was pulled from his thoughts when he felt Iwaizumi’s elbow in his side. He turned his attention to the boy whose eyes were already locked on him. Oikawa felt his heart start to race in the way only Iwaizumi could make it, and Oikawa thought that maybe confessing to Iwaizumi wouldn’t be the worst thing.
They were still very young, but Oikawa couldn’t help but think about what life with Iwaizumi as his partner would be like. He could see himself loving Iwaizumi, and although he had doubts, a small part of him hoped that Iwaizumi could love him too. All he had to do was tell Iwaizumi how he truly felt; It could be as simple as saying I love you.
But he didn’t; he held his tongue because as amazing as the thought of being with Iwaizumi was, the idea of losing him because of unreciprocated feelings was too painful for him to think about. So instead, he slapped Iwaizumi for elbowing him and demanded he buy him ice cream for causing harm to such a “beautiful masterpiece.” Iwaizumi laughed and refused but still bought Oikawa a scoop of ice cream. Small things like that made Oikawa’s heart swell; Although Iwaizumi did tease him a lot, he was still so sweet to him when it was just the two of them. Oikawa felt lucky to have someone as great as Iwaizumi in his, and that’s why he could never risk losing him, even if it meant giving up on loving him before even trying.