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"Stop eating all the damn popcorn," Eddie said, reaching for the bag and all but tackling Buck onto the couch. This was their usual routine. It'd been a decent shift, long enough to be tired, but not too long where they were going to pass out as soon as they got done. Eddie took it upon himself to ask Buck if he wanted to come over.
Chris is spending the night with his friend, we'd have the television to ourselves.
Sure, once Chris went to bed or jumped on one of his computer games they'd have the television to themselves, too, but this felt more tempting when he offered it to Buck.
So, after they'd both taken a shower and gotten changed at the station, Buck followed Eddie's truck back to his house, parked in his usual spot, and took up every empty space in Eddie's life. It was second nature by now, the ease that he had when it came to being with Buck. They fit perfectly together in one another's lives and Eddie, though a master of self destruction, couldn't deny the pull that he had towards him. This felt like home. Buck felt like home.
And right now, Buck was hogging all the popcorn, laughing in that smug way he always did, a wide grin spread across the other's lips. "C'mon, Eds, the bowl's big enough for both of us," he teased, Eddie grunting as he finally gave in, sitting right back up again. To someone else, this might seem like an annoyance, but when it came to Buck, Eddie was endeared. Everything he did, though some moves could be questionable, were things that Eddie looked at with adoration. He couldn't understand it, couldn't fully unpack it, or maybe he was afraid of what truths might come up if he did.
Grumbling, Eddie reached across Buck's side and then grabbed a handful of popcorn, shoveling it into his mouth and trying his best to ignore the feeling that was creeping up inside of him. Once that was gone, Eddie reached over for the juice that he'd fished out of the back of the fridge, having forgot he'd had it and wanting to indulge a little.
"I hate to tell you this, but that juice you're about to drink is expired," Buck said, a smug smirk on his features. Eddie looked over at him, a quiet washing over the both of them.
"What?" Eddie heard himself say. How in the hell would Buck know that?
"I brought that for you when you were sick. Which was.. about six months ago? Yeah, I think so. It's expired by now, I wouldn't drink that. I can get you something else from the kitchen, if you'd like?" he said, shrugging up his wide shoulders and then eating a little more of his own popcorn. Eddie, on the other hand, was completely taken by what he was hearing.
He blinked a few times. He remembered when he was sick. Buck camped out on the couch, making sure he had all the medication he needed, making sure that he was fed and that Chris had everything as well. Buck took care of him. Buck was always taking care of him.
Eddie lowered the juice bottle and let his tongue run over his lips. There was Buck next to him, eating popcorn and completely engrossed in the show that they'd put on, and Eddie was struck with the most life changing revalation. This was forever for him. Eddie wanted this forever. He blinked a few times and looked forward, Buck then reaching over and taking the bottle from his hand, instantly placing it on the coffee table in front of them like it was nothing.
This didn't feel like nothing, though. It felt like Eddie had been hit by a truck.
Eddie blinked a few times and turned his attention back over to Buck. "Thanks," he said, studying his best friend's profile and taking it all in. This was so much more than that, wasn't it? It was. This was love. Unconditional love. They'd drop everything to be there for one another, they'd climb through hell just to make sure everything was okay with each other.
Eddie loved him. Eddie loved Evan Buckley. He loved those lose curls on the top of his head and those beautiful blue eyes. He loved Buck's stong arms and the sense of peace that washed over him everytime they were together. Eddie loved everything about him, the good, the bad, and everything in between. And that was going to be something that came back to bite him in the ass, he already knew it.
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Eddie was good at masking his feelings. At least, he thought he was. He tried to pretend like he hadn't realized that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with his best friend, tried to pretend like this was just a normal, everyday thing. Every single time Buck smiled at him, though, Eddie knew that he was screwed. Royally screwed.
At work, at home, at the loft, anywhere the two of them might venture together, it was becoming more and more clear that he wasn't going to be able to keep this up. The love he felt was too deep, too real.
That didn't stop him from pretending. He'd pretended for years, he could keep it now, right? Yeah. He could do make it through this.
"Hey, where did you go?"
Buck's voice rang out in Eddie's head as he stood there at his locker, completely lost in his own thoughts, lost in a world where he might actually get to tell Buck how he felt. Eddie was simply indulging in his own delusion for the time being and was that such a bad thing? He cleared his throat.
"Nowhere, I'm good, just trying to figure out what we're going to do this weekend." Eddie sighed and smiled, turning his gaze back over to Buck, hoping that the other could see that nothing was wrong. Eddie was fine. He was. He was just still trying to grapple with the fact that every time Buck smiled at him, he wanted to lean in and kiss him, to show him the appreciation that he deserved. Buck deserved the world and yet Eddie wasn't the one who could give it to him. He wasn't allowed to.
"Why don't we take him to the go-kart track? He'd love that! We could make a day of it! I mean, I'm not doing anything. Why not take advantage?" Buck said, his jovial tone matching the grin that spread across the other man's face. Eddie could just die on the spot, but he had to keep it together. He had to pretend. He huffed out a laugh and then nodded his head.
"Are you driving?" Eddie said, a slight hint of something in his words. He couldn't help but let that show through every now and again. It was easy to do with Buck and it was even easier now that he knew where the depth of his feelings were. He just had to keep in mind that these feelings, they weren't something that Buck was privy to.
Buck laughed and Eddie studied his features as the other's smirk remained perfectly painted on his lips. "Please, like I'd let you drive. You're good at a lot of things, Eddie, but driving is not one of them. Besides, you look good in my passenger's seat," he said and Eddie froze, swallowing thickly and trying to pretend like the earth hadn't shifted.
Was Buck flirting with him? Eddie's cheeks tinged red as he felt the other's hand against his shoulder. His good shoulder. Because Buck always knew which one had the bullet scar on it and he didn't touch it unless he had to. "I'll text you the details. You better be ready when I pull in." He winked at Eddie and, just like that, he was gone, heading up to the kitchen area of the firehouse, leaving Eddie completely wrapped up in his own emotions.
After running a hand through his hair, Eddie shifted and turned, only to see Hen standing there, her eyes wide and her hand on her hip, a telling look on her features.
"Don't say a word," Eddie said, knowing she'd seen at least some of the exchange and she'd definitely seen the spiral that it had implemented on Eddie. Hen laughed and shook her head, going to open her own locker.
"I wasn't going to. But you should."
Eddie knew that Hen was right. Buck had every right to know how he felt about him. Maybe, by some divine miracle, Buck might feel the same way? Maybe Buck might actually want what Eddie did? Either way, he wasn't about to find out, not yet. He sighed, shut his locker, and strode out of the room without saying another word.
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Things had been.. steady. Very steady. Eddie didn't question them, never questioned anything. After the first time he'd clocked Buck flirting with him, Eddie allowed himself to indulge a little, trying his best to play off of every word that the other said. It was hard to hide the fact that he was in love with his best friend, though. As the seasons shifted and fall was coming to a close, Eddie felt like he could breathe a little easier.
He'd been spending most of his free time with Buck and Chris, wrapping himself up in the warm embrace of feeling like a family, even if there were moments when things seemed to fall apart.
No matter what happened, though, they were always there for each other. Whenever Eddie needed someone, Buck was there and vice versa. Their lives had always been tangled together, but as time went on, it got stronger. Much, much stronger.
That and Eddie seemed to find more things he loved about Buck on a daily basis. He couldn't help but be taken by the way that the other always managed to sneak his own day to day things in Eddie's grocery shopping trips, just to have it on hand if he happened to stay overnight. He was drawn in by the ease that Buck seemed to know every order that Eddie might have when it came to take out. Add in the way that his entire face seemed to light up when he smiled or how his voice completely changed when he started talking about something he was passionate about. Little things that Eddie had taken for granted before, they were lit up like a neon sign at this point and it brought him more complicated feelings.
"You're doing it again." Eddie blinked a few times and shifted his gaze over towards Hen. They had all gathered together for Thanksgiving, since it was their holiday off this year, and, naturally, she was the one who clocked him.
"Doing what?" he said, trying to feign innocence. In the other room, Eddie watched as Buck and some of the others, Chris included, were all very much distracted by a heated game of UNO. It warmed Eddie's heart to see it and that look of adoration had to be obvious. Hen knew what she was doing calling him out.
Eddie heard Hen laugh and he shifted his gaze down to his feet. "You know damn well what you're doing." She folded her arms and then motioned towards the group. Eddie looked back up at her.
"It's not that easy. There's.. too many moving parts." Too many moving parts. If Buck didn't feel the same way, Eddie refused to let anything come between his relationship with Christopher. So, of course, it was just easier to keep things buried, to keep them hidden. Hen hummed, then shook her head.
"There's no need to torture yourself, Eddie. I think you might be surprised with the outcome."
She'd seen Buck flirting with him and then Eddie's attempts to flirt right back, but it was still murky waters. It was all unknown territory that Eddie just wasn't ready to jump out into. He was snapped out of his head as Bobby rounded the corner and announced that the food was ready, that they could come over and start eating. Eddie smiled and nodded, shifting his gaze back to Buck and, of course, the other was looking at him, too. Smiling. Easily the thing that made Eddie's heart melt the most.
Buck got to his feet, all long legs and strong arms, and then stood next to Eddie, his grin easily turning into a smirk. Eddie already knew that he was done for. "You missed a good game. I still bet I would've beaten you," Buck teased, that playful tone lacing through his words.
Eddie huffed a laugh. "You wish, Buckley," he said, leaning into Buck out of pure instinct. He met Buck's eyes. He swallowed thickly. Maybe this was the right time to say something?
Before he could, though, Chris came over to them and then all but pulled them towards the table, eager to eat everything that Bobby had been working on their Thanksgiving meal. Eddie laughed, trying to hide his quiet disappointment. Still, he found himself sitting with Chris on one side of him and then Buck on the other, their legs casually pressed up against one another's. He stole a few glances during dinner and the entire time he couldn't help but think, maybe Hen was right. Maybe he would be surprised by the outcome if he were honest. That just wasn't a chance he was ready to take.
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Eddie always loved Christmas. Maybe it was because it just seemed to bring their family together or it could've been the magic that came along with it when Chris was younger, but either way, it still held a special spot in his heart.
Of course, Chris had long outgrown the magic of Christmas morning and the ghost of seeing Shannon embrace their son was a distant memory, but Eddie was trying to hold onto it as best as he could for as long as he possibly could. Chris was getting older, more mature, and things that once held magic seemed to fade a bit, but there were moments that Eddie could still catch that glint in his son's eyes.
So, of course, Eddie wasn't excited to find out that they had to work on Christmas once again. The curse of being a first responder. He couldn't imagine doing anything else, though, so, he could stick it out. Of course he could stick it out. Then there was the entire Buck of it all. The more time they spent together, the more the flirting seemed to increase and the more connected Eddie felt.
Maybe he wasn't just simply imagining things. Maybe it wasn't just two friends enjoying each other's company and playing around with one another. It was starting to feel like it was more than that and Eddie wanted to cling onto it as tightly as he possibly could.
That hope. That possibility.
Eddie's eyes met with Buck's over the firehouse table, everyone else seemed to be lost in chatter about one thing or another. Chimney going on about how special it was going to be when they were able to be home and give Jee a great Christmas morning. Hen chiming in, talking about how this was going to be their first Christmas with Mara and she wanted it to be special. Knowing the two of them, Eddie had no doubt that it was going to be special. Eddie wasn't focused on anyone else, though. All he could think about was Buck and how, when he thought about his own perfect Christmas morning, it wasn't just himself and Chris. No, there was someone else there, too. Someone with bright blue eyes, someone who had a smile that could light up an entire room. It was Buck. Always Buck.
Blinking a few times, Eddie looked down at his plate, his heart hammering in his chest. He needed to get air or else he was going to say something stupid, he was going to make a fool of himself. "I'll be right back," Eddie said, the words coming out quickly as he heard the sound of the chair scraping the floor. In fact, that was all he heard.
Eddie didn't take into account the sound of anyone following him. He took the stairs and made his way outside, taking in the brisk and slight chill that settled over Los Angeles during the month of December. He brought his hands up through his hair and shook his head, trying to pull himself together. This was going to be fine. Everything was going to be fine. He could go back in there and pretend like his heart wasn't screaming Buck's name each time he looked at him.
"Eddie?"
Eddie's shoulders sagged. Of course Buck would follow him. Buck always followed him. He would call and Buck would come. No questions asked. It was like he could sense when Eddie needed it the most. Eddie never questioned it or the feeling of relief that washed over him as soon as Buck was around him. He made him feel like everything was going to be okay.
"Yeah, sorry, I just needed some fresh air. Thought about calling Chris and I wanted to see you wanted to come over after the shift, spend the holiday with us," Eddie said, quickly, trying to hide the ever growing need to tell Buck how he felt. Buck smiled at him and Eddie was certain he could see that smile every day and thank God for it.
"That sounds great! Actually, I was.. hoping I could get you alone. I wanted to talk to you about something. I know it's kinda crazy, but I wanted to.. to give you your present. Just the two of us." There was a tone in Buck's voice that Eddie wasn't familiar with. He thought he knew every side of Buck, but this was different. This was a slight fear? Still, he was smiling and that made Eddie feel like whatever this was, it was good. Eddie nodded. "Great. Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about.. everything. And I think we should go to dinner."
Eddie furrowed his brows. They went to dinner all the time. The actually tried the new Indian restaurant just the other night while they were binging some cooking show that Buck had roped him into watching. This wasn't anything new for them.
Unless.
No. Eddie couldn't be imagining this. Could he? Eddie took in the state of Buck, looked at his nervous stance and how his hands seemed to fidget, unable to stay still. He wasn't just asking him to dinner. He was asking him to dinner.
Suddenly Eddie couldn't breathe. Words seemed to die on his tongue. He wanted to scream out that this was exactly what he'd wanted, what he'd dreamed of hearing, but nothing was coming out. In a moment, Eddie didn't think, he just acted. Pent up emotion just flowing out as he reached up his hand and placed it against Buck's cheek. It might've happened quick in real time, but in Eddie's mind, it was in slow motion. He leaned in, closed his eyes, and let his lips brush up against Buck's.
This wasn't an answer, per say, but it did tell Buck what he wanted and Eddie was certain that they were on the same page because Buck was kissing him back. Buck was kissing him back.
When Eddie pulled away, he felt like his heart was going to burst from his chest. "Sorry, I just got caught up in the moment," he said, finally breaking the silence that was settled between them. Buck shook his head and Eddie looked into his eyes, taking it all in and trying to memorize this for the rest of his life.
"No, I liked it. I wanted it, too. That's why I asked you to dinner." Buck laughed that nervous laugh that always sent Eddie's heart into a tizzy and he watched as Buck looked down.
Eddie smiled. He kept his hand up against Buck's cheek and let his thumb run along his rough skin. He nodded his head. "I think dinner sounds perfect. A great Christmas gift." The best, if you asked Eddie, because this was more than just dinner. It was a date and, if everything went the way he hoped it did, it would be the start of something special.
Buck met Eddie's eyes once more, his bright smile back in place. "It's a date. Merry Christmas, Eddie," he said, not even a hint of doubt in his words.
"Merry Christmas, Buck," Eddie mirrored before he was pulled in, this time by Buck, and another kiss was pressed against his lips. Yeah, he could absolutely get used to this and he hoped that he did.