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Marlene was drunk.
There was a party going on in the Gryffindor common room – Sirius' seventeenth birthday. The Marauders made sure no one would forget this day for a long time.
They had been partying for several hours. McKinnon had been drinking from the very beginning (after all, that was one of the reasons she came there), and a glass of alcohol had not left her hand for even a second, constantly being refilled with new drinks. She felt she was drunk but couldn’t put the alcohol down, not when across the room Dorcas was clearly flirting with some older Ravenclaw. The boy was focusing all his attention on her – one hand slowly moving up and down the girl’s side, the other holding a half-full cup. His light eyes studied her face intently, occasionally drifting down to her exposed neckline. Meadowes, Marlene thought, enjoyed the attention she was getting from the boy – a proud smile played on her lips, and her hands rested on the Ravenclaw’s shoulders.
"Hey, Marls," Sirius approached her. He wasn’t completely sober either, swaying on his feet. "Why aren’t you having fun? What are you looking at?"
He stood next to her, so close that their shoulders touched, and followed her gaze. His silver eyes settled on the pair now making out against the wall. Padfoot snorted.
"Don’t tell me that bothers you," he said with slight disdain. "She’s always like that. They’ll sleep together and tomorrow it’ll be over."
Marlene gripped her glass tighter. She felt that one more word from Black, and she’d just punch him.
He had no idea how she felt at that moment, so he had no right to comment on it.
Suddenly, Remus appeared next to them with a wide smile on his face. He wrapped an arm around Sirius and kissed his hair, causing the older boy to blush, and only then did he look at Marlene.
The girl’s fingers tightened around the glass with each passing second, glaring at the brunette and the blond. Moony frowned and also glanced in that direction, then back at McKinnon, now looking at her with pity. He sighed heavily. He had long sensed that some tension was growing between those two. Until now, he couldn’t tell what it was, but now everything became clear to him.
He glanced at the glass she was holding and her white knuckles.
"Maybe it’s better if..." he began, taking the glass from her, which a second later landed on the table. He had a feeling that in another minute, she would have shattered the glass with her hand.
She didn’t protest – she just clenched her hand into a fist and let it hang loosely by her side.
What was she so worried about anyway? Dorcas didn’t feel anything for her. They weren’t even in a relationship! And yet the sight of the girl flirting with someone else made her nauseous. She had no right to be jealous, but she couldn’t stop the feeling. Even if she tried with all her might.
She had managed to get close to Dorcas just once, and she knew she would never forget that night, even though the next day the girl showed no more interest in her. They returned to normal.
The circumstances were very similar to the present ones – there was also a party in the Gryffindor common room, as they had just won a Quidditch match against Slytherin, which couldn’t go uncelebrated. Everyone was drunk; some had already returned to their dormitories, leaving only the more persistent ones, including them. Both nearly unconscious from alcohol, yet still managing to stay on their feet. At least they u to.
Dorcas staggered slightly as she approached the couch where Marlene was sitting. Finally, she plopped down and draped an arm over the backrest just behind the other girl's head. Marlene smiled inwardly. She caught Meadowes' wandering gaze, causing Dorcas to shift, turning to face her and giving her full attention. She pulled her legs onto the sofa, causing her short skirt to ride up slightly. McKinnon used all her strength to avoid looking there. Instead, she fixed her gaze on her friend’s dark irises.
They started talking. Marlene didn’t remember exactly what they talked about – she was too focused on how stunning the girl looked with her disheveled hair, the short blouse with a neckline accentuating her breasts, and the fitted skirt that now barely reached halfway up her thigh. A slight blush covered her cheeks, only adding to her charm.
Dorcas had been monologuing about some trivial topic for a while, believing that Marlene was listening attentively. However, the girl sat stiffly, staring at the other as if she were a painting. Finally, Meadowes noticed her state. She leaned toward her friend with a roguish smile and waved a hand in front of her face. Yet Marlene continued to stare into the dark amber eyes.
Suddenly, an idea struck her. She knew she wasn’t thinking clearly, but she couldn’t resist her imagination when the object of her affections was right next to her, looking (in Marlene’s eyes) perfect, with alcohol coursing through her veins. Way too much alcohol.
She moved before she had a chance to think it through. A second later, their lips were touching. Dorcas sighed softly in surprise but didn’t break the kiss; instead, she returned it with equal intensity.
Inside the blonde, a swarm of butterflies erupted. It actually felt more like exploding fireworks than delicate creatures. She had dreamed of this moment for so long, imagining it before going to sleep so often, that when the girl pulled away to catch her breath, she almost whimpered in frustration. She held back, though, seeing the light smile and look of incredible surprise on her friend’s face. Then doubts began to creep in. What had she just done? And more importantly: what would Dorcas do now?
“I...” she began to explain, but stopped when the other girl suddenly stood up from the couch.
All her doubts dissipated when Dorcas grabbed her hand, pulling her up and leading her toward their shared dormitory.
There, she pinned the blonde against the wall, first closing the door firmly and casting a silencing spell, and once again connected their lips. The sound Marlene made then still haunted her dreams.
They didn’t say a word, but both knew exactly what they wanted. A short while later, their clothes were scattered on the floor, and they stumbled blindly into one of their beds.
McKinnon sighed heavily. Yes, that memory would haunt her for a long time. No one but the two of them knew what had happened that night.
“Marls?” Sirius’s uncertain voice reached her.
She didn’t know when she had drifted off, but she only now realized that the girl had disappeared from the wall, and she was staring into space. She shifted her gaze to the boy.
“Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked, watching her closely, with slight unease. She immediately plastered her widest smile on her face. She felt surprisingly sober, considering the amount of alcohol she had consumed.
“Of course,” she nodded, trying to sound as confident as possible. “Excuse me for a moment,” she added and quickly left the common room, heading to her dormitory.
She hoped no one was there yet. She needed to be alone now, to think things over, and anyone's presence would not help her at all.
When had she fallen so hard for Dorcas? What was the tipping point? And why did Meadowes have to become the object of her affections? She was aware that the girl was out of her league – half of Hogwarts was chasing after her; why would she choose McKinnon? Marlene wasn’t exceptional in any way, had nothing to surprise the girl with, nothing to draw her attention. Why would Dorcas look differently at her? Besides, she knew well that Dorcas didn’t like girls – at least, she had never done anything to make Marlene think otherwise.
She entered the room and closed the door behind her, securing it with a spell – she didn’t want to risk anyone unwanted entering.
She couldn’t tell when tears had gathered under her eyelids. She never cried, never allowed herself moments of weakness, yet now she felt that in another second, she would burst into tears. Why? She didn’t know.
She took a deep breath, trying to calm her trembling hands, and only then turned her back to the door, leaning against it. Her heart nearly jumped out of her chest when she saw the girl on one of the beds. She should have checked to make sure no one was in the dormitory before entering. But what was Dorcas doing here? And where was her Ravenclaw?
Before she could ask any of these questions, her attention was drawn to the girl’s wet cheeks. But Dorcas didn’t let her speak, quickly pulling the curtains around her bed. Marlene heard the softly spoken Muffliato spell. And then she knew something was seriously wrong.
She quickly wiped her eyes and set aside her own worries – someone else needed her now. Even if that person wouldn’t admit it out loud.
Meadowes was the type who didn’t like to share her feelings with others. She rarely said something was wrong, always handling such situations on her own. And this time would have been no different if not for McKinnon, who with one swift movement pulled open the curtains separating the girl from the rest of the world.
Dorcas didn’t even look at her – she sat on the bed with her knees pulled up to her chest and her chin resting on them. She stared blankly ahead, as if she hadn’t noticed the other girl's presence at all.
Marlene undid her friend’s silencing spell and cleared her throat pointedly. This had no effect on Dorcas; she didn’t even blink.
The blonde sighed inwardly and gently sat down on her friend’s bed. She knew it would be hard to get anything out of her, but she had to try. Dorcas never cried in front of people.
“What happened?” she asked after a few minutes of deafening silence, interrupted only by the girl’s sniffling.
“Nothing. It’s nothing,” Dorcas responded immediately, her voice hoarse, wiping her eyes to rid herself of the unwanted tears.
“I can see something’s wrong…”
“There’s nothing wrong, okay?!” she snapped. “Just… leave me alone,” she added, and with nowhere to go, she turned practically away from Marlene.
McKinnon was taken aback. Dorcas had never yelled at her before; this made her even more determined to do something. But what?
For a moment, she considered giving up, but then Meadowes spoke again, this time in a calmer tone.
“And what about you?”
Marlene looked at her, not quite understanding the question. She furrowed her brows. She was about to assure her that nothing was wrong, but Dorcas interrupted her.
“Don’t even try to make something up,” she said, looking at the girl indulgently. “I saw you barely holding back tears when you walked in. What happened?” she repeated. There was something different in her tone, but McKinnon couldn’t pinpoint what.
She seemed to gather herself for a moment, finally forcing the widest smile she could muster. She didn’t even realize how fake it looked.
“Nothing happened to me,” she said, trying to sound convincing.
The Dorcas' left eyebrow rose in disbelief. She then crossed her arms, adopting a defensive posture. Marlene sighed inwardly. This was going to be a long conversation.
"I don't believe you" Dorcas declared, as the other had expected. "Something is really bothering you".
"Nothing is wrong, really" she tried again, but she already knew she was doomed to fail.
Meadowes continued to watch her attentively. Her eyes were still bloodshot, and traces of tears she hadn’t had time to wipe away were visible on her cheeks. Suddenly, something clicked in the blonde's head.
Dorcas was about to say something, but this time Marlene interrupted her.
"Fine, I’ll tell you, but only if you tell me what happened first" she decided.
Dorcas immediately closed her mouth, a look of what seemed like fear appearing on her face, though McKinnon couldn’t be completely sure.
They sat in complete silence for a moment, staring each other down, until Dorcas decided to speak.
"Agreed" Marlene was quite surprised but didn't show it. "But I want to know everything without twisting the truth or leaving anything out" she added.
"And vice versa" the blonde winked at her meaningfully, causing the other’s cheeks to redden slightly, though the blush disappeared so quickly she thought she might have imagined it.
"Dave left me halfway through orgasm and stormed out really angry because I accidentally said someone else's name while he was eating me out" she explained without a hint of embarrassment; her face showed pure indifference.
It struck Marlene like lightning. She was aware that the girl had likely slept with the Ravenclaw, but hearing it straight from her mouth brought up mixed feelings. Nonetheless, her intuition told her that this wasn't the real reason for the brunette's tears. She frowned slightly, which didn’t escape her friend’s notice, though she interpreted her expression differently.
"Exactly! I also think he shouldn't have acted that way. I was really annoyed then..." she began, slowly falling into a trance. "And at the end, he told me that I was nothing more than a free whore and..."
"Dorcas" Marlene interrupted, now thoughtfully staring somewhere above the other's head. She stopped immediately and looked at her. "Whose name did you say?"
She wasn't sure if she wanted to know the answer to this question or if she would be better off not knowing, but curiosity got the better of her. She feared what she was about to hear, though she expected the worst.
On the other hand, she couldn’t blame the brunette for the feelings she had for her or that she didn’t reciprocate them. The problem didn't lie with Meadowes, but with Marlene herself – after all, no one had forced her to fall in love with her friend. Fall in love. Was she truly in love? Or was it just a particularly strong crush? She couldn't tell, but she knew there was something there.
Dorcas suddenly blushed, her gaze wandering everywhere, meticulously avoiding the other girl’s bright eyes.
"No one important" she answered in an unconvincing tone, immediately catching the blonde's attention. She raised her eyebrows in disbelief but didn’t speak, giving the brunette a chance to continue. "I was drunk, not fully aware of what was happening. Dave shouldn't have gotten so angry, he knew there was nothing serious between us – he even said I was just a free whore!"
"You didn't believe that" Marlene finally spoke, watching her friend closely. "Did you?"
She was answered with a shrug and a lowered gaze, fixed on one spot.
"Sometimes I feel like people are right when they say that" she admitted uncertainly.
"Are they?" Marlene asked. Behind this one question lay another one that both of them understood well.
"If I say no, I’d probably be lying, but if I say yes, I probably wouldn’t believe it myself" she replied, deftly avoiding a definitive answer.
A moment of silence followed, during which neither of them looked at the other, both lost in their own ththoughts.vb
"Well, now it’s your turn" Dorcas reminded, suddenly brightening up.
Merlene only sighed. She knew this was coming, but she had been so caught up in Dorcas' problem that she hadn’t come up with a good excuse for herself. In the end, she decided on a half-truth.
''I got irritated by... someone" she admitted, hoping it would suffice for Meadowes. How wrong she was.
"Was it Sirius again?" she asked teasingly, a small smile forming on the blonde's lips as she remembered her disputes with Black.
"Not this time" she answered truthfully, though with a slightly helpless tone. The other picked up on it immediately.
"Oh, it sounds like a more serious matter" she shifted, sitting directly facing her friend and crossing her legs. "I'm all ears."
Marlene laughed humorlessly and shook her head, lowering it at the same time. She quickly returned her gaze to the dark eyes.
"You didn’t tell me whose name you were thinking of during sex with Dave, so I don’t have to tell you who irritated me."
Dorcas muttered something under her breath, less enthusiastically now.
"Repeat that, please" McKinnon frowned, moving slightly closer to her.
"You’ll laugh if I tell you" she repeated as requested.
"You must be joking" the blonde said, looking at her in disbelief. At some point, she took her hands and enclosed them in her own, surrounding them with her warmth. She ignored the blush slowly spreading across the brunette's cheeks. "Dor, no matter what you tell me now, I’ll never laugh at you; not when it comes to things like this."
As she said this, she leaned towards her friend, their faces now dangerously close. Despite this, Dorcas still avoided looking into the bright, piercing eyes.
She sighed heavily and seemed to gather herself to give the blonde an answer when the dormitory door suddenly opened, and a not entirely sober Lily walked in, dragging an equally drunk James behind her. She held her wand in her other hand. Both were laughing hysterically at something.
Marlene's first thought upon seeing them was: Why now?, and then another followed: Were we really so caught up in each other that we didn’t hear the spell lift?
She was also surprised that even quite drunk, Evans was able to logically use a spell. Not everyone could do that.
The redhead paused in the doorway, noticing they weren’t alone with Potter. Her face immediately showed surprise.
"Oops, I think we came at the wrong time" she admitted, and her tone reeked of alcohol. She turned to the boy. "Come on, Jamie, we’ll go somewhere else. The girls finally decided to confess their love to each other. I’ve been waiting ages for this!" she said, pushing the Gryffindor out of the room and closing the door behind them.
For a brief moment, they could still hear the laughter of the couple echoing down the corridor, fading as they moved away from the dormitory. Marlene dared to look at Dorcas only when complete silence fell in the room.
She felt that the brunette’s expression was an exact replica of what she herself was feeling: surprise, uncertainty, fear. She tried to find any positive emotions in her, but unfortunately, her attempts were in vain.
"W-what did Lily mean...?" Dorcas finally asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence and tension that had built between them.
McKinnon let out another deep sigh, her second of the evening. Was this the moment she finally had to explain herself to her friend? She felt it would come one day, but she wasn’t ready for it. She had no idea how Dorcas would react to her confession, but she knew one thing – there was no point in getting her hopes up. Better to get it over with.
"Well, it’s a bit awkward..." she began, still holding the brunette's hands. Surprisingly, she didn’t seem to mind. She gave up maintaining eye contact – now she wandered her gaze somewhere over Meadowes' head. "I don’t even know where to start."
"From the beginning, preferably" Dorcas instructed with a hint of irony, which came out unintentionally. She blamed it on the stressful situation.
"I’ve liked you since the fourth year" she confessed in one breath. She couldn’t keep it inside any longer, not when the girl likely already suspected everything. "I'm crazy about you" she added two tones quieter; almost a whisper.
Dorcas' eyes only widened, staring at the blonde. She wasn’t sure if she had heard correctly, and her expression perfectly conveyed that.
"I... what?"
"I know, it came out a bit awkward... I don’t expect any positive response from you" she assured. "I don’t expect any response from you at all. I hadn’t planned to tell you because I knew you never felt the same way about me. I even liked the relationship we had and decided that was enough for me – after all, I couldn’t demand anything more from you. I know you’ve always liked boys, and I have no intention of trying to change that, so I just wanted to...''
She didn’t finish. She couldn’t. At that moment, she felt soft lips pressing against hers. Her mind immediately flooded with memories of their one night together. She never thought she would feel the girl’s lips on hers again. She had dreamed of it, but it had remained just a dream. Now those dreams were coming true.
Dorcas tasted of alcohol, fruit, and something salty that Marlene couldn’t identify (in fact, she thought she was better off not knowing), and she kissed as well as the blonde remembered, even better, as now she seemed more sober and more in control of her actions.
They pulled apart after barely half a minute, and McKinnon licked her lips, wanting to make sure that the situation had really happened and wasn't just her drunken hallucination. She could still feel the alcohol coursing through her veins, although she no longer felt drunk. Not anymore.
Dorcas looked at her as if waiting for Marlene to speak first, but Marlene wasn't entirely sure what to say. What had just happened? How had they reached this moment? Why had Meadowes done it? She opened her mouth to finally say something, but Dorcas interrupted her.
"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I shouldn't have... Forget about it," she declared.
She freed her hands from Marlene's and stood up hastily, brushing off her skirt. She was about to head for the door when Marlene leaned back and grabbed her hand, first just holding it and then pulling her back onto the bed.
"No, no, no. Don't run away from me. Not now," she said, before the girl sat back down on the bed. "I just told you I'm head over heels in love with you, you kissed me, and now you're going to run away?" she asked, as if trying to confirm the events of the past few minutes or even seconds. The brunette didn't respond, not even looking her in the eyes. "You don't think I'm letting you go now, do you?"
With those words, their lips met again, this time more hungrily and passionately. Dorcas immediately returned the kiss, tangling her hands in the blonde's hair at the nape of her neck. In three seconds, she found herself underneath Marlene, now staring straight into her bright eyes.
"Do you still want me to forget about it?" came the blonde's quiet question.
Both of them had ragged breaths and flushed cheeks; they were breathing heavily.
Meadowes quickly shook her head, unable to wait for their lips to meet again. However, before that happened, she felt she had to say something else.
"Do you know whose name slipped out when I was with Dave?"
McKinnon responded with a shake of her head. The blonde hair tickled her face, but she didn't mind.
"Yours," one word hit Marlene like a trigger. For the entire night and all the following days, she didn't let Dorcas out of her embrace. And the brunette had no intention of complaining.