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Ruby decides that the last class before lunch break this Thursday is the same as every other Thursday. Boring, repetitive, and honestly not worth her time. She’d much rather be doing something else. Hanging out with Minami, Frill, Kana, or Mem-Cho for example. No matter how much she wishes to be elsewhere she’ll have to sit through this class. Maybe Ruby can make the time pass faster somehow.
Her gaze shifts outside the window, staring at the trees. They’re especially pretty at this time of the year, couples flock to them like moths to a flame during the breaks.
Soon her train of thought shifts from the garden outside to the gardens in her mind. Ruby’s imagination is a place without the cruel creatures in her mind or the lingering shadows of the past. She can think about whatever her heart desires, after all, her daydreams do not correlate with how she actually feels about things - or people.
At least that’s what she’s been telling herself ever since Kana started making up more and more of her fantasies. Recently, all she can think about is Kana. Kana, Kana, Kana. In each corner of her mind, there’s nothing but Kana. Bright red eyes and equally crimson hair seem to follow her everywhere. She can’t outrun them, not that she’d try to.
The pictures her mind paints are vivid, brimming with color, and feel painfully real. Too real, almost. Yet the scenes in the figments of her imagination cannot be real. Reality is far too cruel for that.
Ruby’s mind drifts in a different direction again. In her imagination, she’s lying next to Kana on a field full of colorful flowers, a tree providing them with shadow. It’s hot outside, and there’s sweat glistening on Kana’s forehead, soft skin brushing against each other. Kana looks beautiful. Has she always been this gorgeous or is her mind playing tricks on her, merely representing an ideal world?
She’s always been this pretty; you’re just noticing it now! A tiny voice in her head calls.
What nonsense! Kana is pretty, and Ruby is well aware of that, not any more than she had been just a few weeks ago. Totally not!
This is normal and platonic! It’s just a thing friends do!
Her thoughts move along, although not voluntarily. It’s not like she wants to dwell on this topic any longer, either.
What would it be like to kiss Kana? The voice asks. It’s a very mischievous voice, Ruby decides. She shouldn’t, and wouldn’t imagine kissing Kana under any normal circumstances!
Though, she supposes, it’d feel nice. Has Kana kissed anyone before? Ruby herself certainly hasn’t, not even in her past life. (She didn’t even have a chance to in the first place!) If she has, that’s good, she can guide Ruby. If she hasn't, that’s good as well, it’d be exciting to be someone’s first.
God, why is she actually thinking about this?! It’s just a stupid idea—something that wouldn’t ever happen in the first place. Not in a million years!
Ruby feels her cheeks heat up, thankfully, there isn’t anyone to call her out on it. She briefly glances at the blackboard, the teacher is writing something on it in her ugly scrawl. Ruby supposes she’ll just ask to copy off of someone later. It’s not like they could resist someone with as much charm as her, anyway!
Back to daydreaming she goes! Kissing Kana… For some reason, it’s a fascinating thought to her. Would Kana wear lipgloss? What would her lips taste like? Would it be a slow and gentle kiss or an intense kiss, burning with passion and emotions they had to keep secret for so long? Ruby feels giddy just thinking about it.
Wait a minute - she shouldn’t feel giddy! There shouldn’t be a swarm of Butterflies buzzing around in her stomach.
Hoshino Ruby hates liars, yet she is a liar. She’s lying to herself about her feelings for Kana.
The signs have always been there; her stomach feels weird when their hands brush, and sometimes the beating of her heart speeds up when Kana leans over her shoulder. She’d just brushed it off as a heat-of-the-moment thing until now - could there actually be something more to it?
It doesn’t matter if there’s something more to it, even if she has romantic feelings for her (god, now she’s thinking of it as an actual possibility), a future with Kana is something she’s never considered.
Spending the rest of her life with Kana—could that ever be possible?
One bed, two people. Two toothbrushes next to each other, one pink, the other white. A living room full of laughter, their hearts light, no guilt or doubt, just love. She'd wake up to Kana's soft breathing, they'd exchange a kiss before leaving for their respective schedules.
At night, Ruby would have someone who could hold her, and provide her with warmth. When she would feel lonely or scared, Kana could take her hand. Whenever Ruby felt like giving up, Kana would reassure her that she was on the right path, and Ruby would do the same for her.
They’d kiss and hug, and it’d all be normal; it'd all feel right.
The idea of that is comforting. Maybe, a future with Kana is actually something she wants. The way she imagines it seems idyllic and peaceful, and like it could be real if she just tried hard enough. She can make it real. She wants to make it real.
Hoshino Ruby stops lying to herself that day.
Thankfully, the bell rings just a few minutes after Ruby makes this potentially life-changing discovery. Finally, lunch break has started.
As usual, she walks over to where Minami and Frill have already moved their tables together and sits down opposite them, unpacking her lunch. Her friends are sitting suspiciously close to each other; she’ll have to ask what that’s about soon.
Ruby pokes around in her lunch somewhat listlessly, staring into the abyss, her mind filled with thoughts. How is she going to tell Kana about her feelings? Is she going to tell Kana about her feelings in the first place? Can she risk her friendship and potentially make B-Komachi awkward over a silly crush?
Frill, knowing Ruby well enough to know when something’s up, looks at her concernedly. “Is something wrong, Ruby? You’ve been acting strange.”
Ruby winces. Right, it’s lunch break, and Kana is nowhere to be seen. (Except for the space she’s occupying in Ruby’s mind.)
“It’s just,” she starts, not quite sure how to phrase the words that are about to come out of her mouth, “I think I’m in love with Kana.”
Minami’s chopsticks clatter to the floor.
“You’re in love with Arima? I mean, I’m happy for you but that's kind of unexpected.” She says in her usual cheery manner, picking up her chopsticks from the ground.
“Unexpected? I don’t know what you’re talking about, you can see it in her eyes when she looks at her,” says Frill, who is certainly calmer about the revelation than Minami.
Ruby’s face heats up at Frill’s words. Has it been this obvious all along?
“I just don’t know if - or how - I'm going to tell her. I mean, I don’t want to lie to her.”
Frill contemplates Ruby’s words for a minute (Minami uses the time to steal her chopsticks) before answering, “Just go for it. If you don’t ask her, you’ll always wonder about what could’ve been.”
“She’s right! And besides, you’re a beautiful idol, how could she ever say no to you?” Minami chimes in, wearing a smile bright enough to light up the whole room.
Ruby thinks it over once again. This could possibly ruin their group dynamic as B-Komachi, but it also could be a gateway to a new, beautiful life. She decides it’s worth the risk.
She needs to tell Kana. As soon as possible.
Ruby swiftly stands up from her chair, she mumbles a rushed “Thanks, guys!” and then she sprints towards her locker.
When she arrives, she pulls her phone out of her locker in record-worthy time. Quickly, she opens Line and writes out her message. Meet me in the practice room after school, I need to tell you something important.
She presses send and just hopes that Kana has time.
The moment school is over, instead of waiting for Minami and Frill like usual, Ruby rushes to the practice room as soon as possible.
By the time Ruby arrives, she’s panting from running, and her hair looks somewhat disheveled. She fixes her hair to make it look presentable, using her phone camera as a mirror, because she’s not about to confess her love to someone while looking like a hobo.
She takes a few deep breaths, preparing for what’s about to come, be it good or bad. (She sincerely hopes it’s good.)
Ruby presses the door handle down. It’s now or never.
When she enters, she finds that Kana has already arrived, sitting on the wooden floor, legs crossed.
Red eyes stare intently at her, and Ruby feels her cheeks growing too hot for comfort.
“So, what did you want to tell me?” Kana asks, wearing an expression that’s just so Kana. Ruby’s not sure if she wants to come closer or run away. She decides on the former and sits down next to her.
The floor beneath her seems to be much harder than usual, Ruby feels like it might just swallow her.
It’s only when Kana gives her a questioning look, one eyebrow raised, that Ruby realizes that she’s been quiet for way too long.
“Please don’t hate me for what I’m about to say,” she starts off, but realizes how that might sound, “I mean, - It’s nothing bad, not at all, but…” Usually, the words seem to come out of her mouth so easily, but now she feels like she can’t push them out even if she tries her hardest. Dammit, why can’t she use some of that idol charisma now?
“It’s just that I like you, Kana - I really do!” Ruby blurts out. “I like your weird taste in books and your sharp tongue, I like how you pretend to be tough but you’re actually really kind-hearted, I like the way that you’re loyal to anyone that has ever called you helpful, I like you even if you’ll never like me back!”
The silence in the practice room feels like it could crush Ruby.
Is she mad? Does she feel the same? Is their friendship ruined?
There are so many thoughts rushing through her head like a torrential river threatening to drown her - too many for Ruby to count.
What does this ominous silence mean?
She curls her fingers into the fabric of her skirt as hot embarrassment washes over her. Maybe it would’ve been better to pretend that everything was fine, after all this crush of hers would pass.
Kana seems to struggle with herself but finally turns her head in Ruby's direction. What comes next seemingly is a surprise to both of them.
Kana kisses Ruby.
She grips the fabric of Ruby’s clothes tightly, in a way that should hurt, but somehow doesn’t. The emotions flooding through Ruby’s veins are more intense than ever before, and she almost feels like she’s floating. It’s kind of awkward, but also everything she’s ever wanted.
Hoshino Ruby has dreamed of being loved, being kissed ever since she was Tendouji Sarina in that small hospital room. With no hopes of the future or any idea what the word ‘future’ even means.
When Kana pulls away from the kiss Ruby’s body feels so warm that it might as well explode. This doesn’t feel real, but the pain that courses through her fingers (that are still holding onto her skirt) is there to remind her that this is reality.
Ruby looks down on the floor, tracing patterns in the wood with her eyes to avoid looking at Kana. How are you supposed to react after being kissed?
“I like you as well,” says Kana. It sounds like something she has wanted to say for a while, and Ruby thinks she hears a slight shake in her voice.
Ruby finally dares to look up at her and sees that Kana’s face is flushed as well.
Maybe it’ll all be fine in the end, she tells herself, and reaches out for Kana’s hand, interlacing their fingers.
Maybe a future with Kana is possible.