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Tsukishima never liked physical touch, PDA, or understood relationships. He never really focused on dating or having a crush on someone. He thought girls were cute here or there but he could never imagine them actually dating. He could barely imagine him even forming close friendships with people, other than Tadashi of course. Tadashi was the exception to the way he treats other. He would tell Tadashi to shut up and may not always be the most responsive, but he also genuinely cared for him. He didn't tease as much as he did others, he would say supportive things to him, didn't mind physical touch between them, and Tadashi was the only Tsukishima ever had deep conversations with. Tsukishima even counted Tadashi as his best friends, though he would never tell anyone that.
"Tsukki! Hurry up, we're gonna be late!" Tadashi yelled from downstairs. Tadashi always came by in the morning to eat breakfast. According to Tadashi they had 'better cereal' and they could walk to school together. At first, Tsukishima thought it was less convenient for Tadashi but now it was almost odd not to imagine Tadashi coming by in the morning. Tsukishima hurried downstairs. "Sorry. Let's go," Tsukishima said as he headed towards the door.
As they walked to school, Tadashi talked about meaningless things. About the things he wanted to do after school, random drama he had heard about, a class that he was struggling with. Tsukishima took note of a few of the things he said. He reminded himself he would help Tadashi with his math homework after school and on their way home he should get him french fries as if he once again craving them. Him wanting french fries wasn't surprising; they got them basically everyday after school. Tsukishima didn't add much to the conversation. Sometimes he wondered if Tadashi was ever annoyed by him not saying much, but he also knew Tadashi would speak up if he was. Tadashi had really became a lot stronger that past few months.
The school day went as normal. It was always kind of annoying not being able to sit by Tadashi, but he would live. Tsukishima thought about maybe taking Tadashi out somewhere this weekend. Tsukishima quickly got the thought out of his mind. It sounded like he was going to take him out on a date. People would think they were dating. Maybe people should think they're dating? Would he mind dating Tadashi? It would probably be the same, but instead they would hold hands and kiss. Kissing Tadashi. He wonders what it would be like to kiss him. Suddenly, he was blushing. He never thought about dating Tadashi. It felt wrong to think about your friends in such ways. He definitely would never think about Kageyama or Hinata, it disgusted him to even think about thinking them in a romantic way, so why would he think about Tadashi in a way? He even entertained the thoughts. He tried telling himself that it meant nothing but deep down he didn't feel very convinced.
Tsukishima struggled to get the thoughts out of his mind the rest of the day. Anytime he even just looked at Tadashi the idea of kissing him flooded his mind. Even throughout practice he kept being dismissive towards Tadashi just in hopes that the thoughts would go away. Of course because Tadashi knew Tsukishima so well, he could tell something was off. One the walk home Tadashi was asking him if he is okay.
"I'm fine." Is all that Tsukishima said. He didn't feel the need to expand on it anymore.
"Promise you'll talk to me if something is wrong?" Tadashi said, clearly worried for his friend. Even if he will have to just admire from the far, at least he has his best friend back.
Tsukishima just nodded. "Shut up," Tsukishima said. Anytime Tadashi showed any pity or sympathy for him, Tsukishima would always tell him to shut up.
Tadashi let a small laugh out, "Sorry, Tsukki!"
The thoughts did in fact not get better. If anything, they got worse. Tsukishima started realizing these small things about Tadashi. He started realizing some of the ways he thought of Tadashi were not as platonic as he thought. These feelings scared him. He wasn't sure how to handle them in the slightest. He tried figuring how long he had felt that way but he couldn't. He simply always felt this way. The only thing Tsukishima could think to do was pull away from Tadashi. Maybe if they spent enough time apart then the feelings would go away. He wouldn't make a stupid decision and have everyone figure out he likes his best friend, and then ruin their friendship. Tsukishima doubted Tadashi was even gay. This plan wasn't exactly as easy as Tsukishima had hoped. For about a week after Tsukishima realized he needed to stop talking to Tadashi, they would still walk together, talk in school and practice, and hang out after school. Tadashi did basically all the talking. Tsukishima wouldn't even take note of the things he was saying. He would make up excuses to not see him or cut their hang outs short.
After about a week, Tadashi got the message more. He would still tell Tsukishima he can talk to him, and was clearly worried. He still tried to talk to Tsukishima in school, but eventually stopped. They would sit in silence during breaks and during lunch he would go eat with Kageyama and Hinata. He wouldn't come by in the morning. He started walking home with Kageyama and Hinata too. Tadashi wasn't the only one worried though, so were their teammates. They would give the two concerned glances. He was pretty sure Tadashi went to Sugawara for advice. At first, everyone thought that something was simply happening with Tsukishima that was nothing personal towards Tadashi. That all changed after week two.
It was 16 days since Tsukishima had came up with the plan. Practice had been going as normal, other than Tadashi insisting to talk to Tsukishima all day. Couldn't he just stop talking to him? He was doing this for both their own good.
"Tsukki? Are you sure you've been okay? I've been rea-"
"Can you stop calling me Tsuki! I just don't want to talk to you!" Tsukishima yelled out. He didn't mean to yell. He did feel bad for being mean towards Yamaguchi.
Everyone was staring at them. "Oh...um...sorry." Yamaguchi was clearly upset. He heard Tanaka and Nishinoya would shaking their heads and saying "Not cool, man."
"Why don't you go home? You clearly have a lot on your mad," Daichi yelled out. His tone made it clear he didn't agree with Tsukishima being a jerk. Tsukishima didn't even reply but instead just walked out.
That night, Tsukishima stared at his ceiling while blasting music. He needed advice. He wasn't sure what to do anymore. He though about asking Kageyama or Hinata, but he felt they might just make things worse. The only reason he even thought about asking was because they were dating but he didn't feel like they would have the best advice. He was surprised the two idiots had enough brain cells to start dating. He then thought about asking Kuroo and Bokuto. They were both in relationships, he didn't have to worry about them telling Tada- Yamaguchi, and they could probably give somewhat better advice than the two idiots.
Tsukishima - I need advice.
Kuroo - woah?! Tsukki is actually texting us first!!
Bokuto - hes finally starting to like us bro!!
Tsukishima - don't call me tsukki
Kuroo - yeah yeah we know. anyways whats up??
Bokuto - yeah tell us!!
Tsukishima - I have a crush. I don't know what I'm doing.
Bokuto - wait wait on who?? is it that Yamaguchi kid??
Tsukishima - that isn't your business
Kuroo - no funnn
Kuroo - also just go with your gut Tsukki!!
Bokuto - yea!! thats what i did and now im dating the most amazing man ever:D
Tsukishima - my gut told me not to talk to him, in hopes the crush would go away. Things are just worse now. I yelled at him and got kicked out of practice today.
Kuroo - what?? dont do that!! if i had done that when i realized i liked Kenma then i wouldve lost my best friend:
Tsukishima - what should I do?
Bokuto - ummmm talk to him:D he probably feels the same way!!
Kuroo - normally im all here for you bro but i think Tsuki needs better advice. youre still super cool tho bo:> in all seriousness, apologize. you dont ignore and yell at the person you have a crush on!! when youre ready, tell him how you feel. I bet Yamaguchi feels the same way:)
Tsukishima - thank you Kuroo-senpai. Thanks to Bokuto ig
Bokuto - yeah of course Tsukki!!
Kuroo - hope everything works out!!
Tsukishima - wait, I never said it was Yamaguchi??
Tsukishima never got a reply. He felt uneasy opening up to them. He did feel better having better advice though. He told himself never to open up to the two of them again. The only person he think he really trusted was Yamaguchi. He started realizing truly how he had missed him and messed up. Since the beginning, he had missed him. Now, it was all hitting him at once. He really though ignoring Yamaguchi would make things better? How could he not think about Yamaguchi at all? He had been so clearly upset and worried the past two weeks, and then Tsukishima makes it worse by yelling at him? How would Yamaguchi forgive him? Let alone ever like him back after it? Tsukishima told himself he would give the best apology ever.
Tsukishima woke up earlier than usual the next morning. While getting ready, he felt anxious. Very anxious. He was never the type to have much emotions towards anything. The moment it came to Tadashi that all went away. He experienced the most emotions when it came to Tadashi. As he started walking towards Tadashi's house, the idea of rejection entered his mind. He didn't plan on confessing to him today, but he wasn't even sure if Tadashi would want him as a friend. What if he ruined their friendship forever? Tadashi had became way more stronger, but he was still fragile. The bullying he experienced in the past still affected him. Would Tadashi really want a friend who ignored him and yelled at him? Tsukishima tried to drown out his fears with music, but it wasn't working as well as he hoped.
Eventually, he stood in front of Tadashi front door. He knocked three times and then waited for the door to open. Tadashi mom opened the door.
"Kei! Come in!" She had a smile on her face. "I think Tadashi is still getting ready." Tsukishima just nodded in response.
"Are you going to head up there?"
"No, I'll wait for him to be ready." Tsukishima gave her a small smile. Tadashi mom was always very nice. That's probably why Tadashi was always so nice.
Her expression changed to something of worry. "Can I ask you something?" Tsukishima looked at her confused before nodding.
"Did something happen between you two? Tadashi has been in a bad mood recently, especially yesterday, and I noticed you two don't seem to hang out anymore. I'm just worried about my son," She said, clearly worried. Tsukishima wasn't entirely sure what to say.
He hesitated, "I...I'm not entirely sure." Tsukishima didn't want to worry Tadashi's mom.
Tadashi came down the stairs. He stopped when he saw Tsukishima. "Oh...um..good morning?" Tadashi hesitatingly said. "Do...do you want something to eat?"
"No, I'm okay." This felt very awkward. He didn't want to say anything with his mom here.
The three of them didn't say anything for a moment. His mom was the first to break the silence. "Well, I should get to work. Have a good day at school!" His mom walked over to the door, put her shoes on, and left. Tsukishima couldn't tell if his mom not being here would make things worse or better.
"Why are you here?" Tadashi quickly said.
"I thought we could walk to school together." Tsukishima watched as Tadashi angrily poured cereal and milk into a bowl.
"So, you ignore me? Out of the blue keep in mind. One day we're fine, the next you hate me? I was worried sick for two weeks. I thought you were suddenly depressed or something! Then, imagine my shock, when you yell at me! You say "I dont want to talk to you" and "stop calling me tsukki", yet you're here. Saying you want to walk to school together!" Tadashi angrily took a bite out of his cereal.
Tsukishima couldn't help but laugh at Tadashi angrily eating his cereal. "What's so funny?!" Tadashi yelled out. That's just made Tsukishima yell even more.
"Sorry...sorry. It's just funny watching you angrily eat cereal." Tadashi paused for a moment, before laughing too. "I'm trying to seem intimidating! Stop laughing at me!"
Tsukishima forgot how much he missed Tadashi's laugh. He wanted to listen to that laugh forever. Sadly, they had to stop laughing eventually. "Seriously, what's been happening with you? Did I do something?"
"What? No, I...I just was going through a lot. I took my own personal problems out on you and I feel so bad. I'm so sorry, Tadashi. I don't know why I decided to pull you into my own problems, I never want to hurt you. I'm so so sorry." Tsukishima prayed that was a good apology. He wanted to say so much more, but he was scared he would end up saying too much.
Tadashi had a smile on his. "I can't believe I have the Tsukishima Kei, in my kitchen, apologizing! Wow, maybe you do have a soft spot for me."
Tsukishima blushed at that. "Shut up, Tadashi."
"Sorry, Tsukki!" Tadashi put his bowl in the sink before heading to the door. "Let's go before we're late."
Things were really back to normal. Well, other than Tsukishima now having a raging crush on his best friend, but he could live with that.
On their way to school, Tadashi talked his mouth up. He updated Tsukishima on the things that happened the past three weeks. Tsukishima apologized about 10 more times just on their way to school. Tadashi said it was okay, but Tsukishima knew it wasn't. Everyone seemed relived that the two had made up. Nishinoya and Tanaka still gave him shit for yelling at Tadashi, but eventually stopped after Daichi yelled at them. Everything felt better with Tadashi around.
----------------------------------------------------
Things were okay for a week. Seven days. Tadashi and Tsukishima went back to how they were before. Tsukishima admired Tadashi from afar. Tsukishima was definitely 100x more nice to Tadashi. Everyone seemed to notice the subtle changes, but no one pointed them out.
"Tsukki? Um, who is this?" Tadashi gave Tsukishima his phone, where messages were popped up.
Unknown Number - so how are you and ur little bf??
Yamaguchi - sorry, i think you have the wrong number;-;
Unknown Number - this is Yamaguchi right?
Yamaguchi - um yes. do i know you?
Unknown Number - tsukki does;) so answer my question!!
Tadashi hadn't replied. Tsukishima immediately knew it was Kuroo. How did Kuroo even get Tadashi's number?
"Just ignore him. He's a weirdo." Tsukishima handed Tadashi his phone back.
"Whoever it is, does seem like a bit of a weirdo," Tadashi gave a small laugh at the end. He had another emotion written on his face that Tsukishima couldn't quite place.
Tsukishima immediately went to message Kuroo.
Tsukishima - why did you message Tadashi.
Kuroo - whattt? i js wanted to know how the new lovebirds are doing
Tsukishima - we aren't dating
Kuroo - for now;)
Tsukishima wishes he could slap Kuroo right now. Instead, he put his phone away, and focused on Tadashi. They were at a convenience store and had gotten ice cream. Vanilla for Tsukishima and strawberry for Tadashi. Tsukishima couldn't help but admire just how pretty Tadashi was. His freckles that were perfectly scattered across his cheeks, his eyes that always seemed bright, and his hair that Tsukishima just wanted to play with all night. Even the way he talked was just so perfect.
"Is something on my face? You're staring a lot," Tadashi said nervously. Tsukishima quickly looked the other way and blushed.
"No, just zoned out." Tsukishima did his best not to sound flustered or blush.
"Um, Tsukki. Can I ask something?" Tadashi said quietly.
"What's up?"
"Why...never mind. It's silly." Tadashi let out a small laugh.
"Nothing you say is silly."
"Seriously, it's nothing." Tadashi had a small smile on lips. Tsukishima wanted to ask him what it was, but he didn't want to annoy Tadashi. He knew Tadashi would speak up if he needed.
That was that. Kuroo didn't pester Tadashi anymore, though he did pester Tsukishima a good bit. There were moments Tsukishima wanted to confess to Tadashi or just straight out kiss him. He always had to hold himself back. A few examples of these moments were when one morning Tadashi was struggling to get his hair to look right. Tsukishima walked up to him and messed around with his hair for a moment. A little longer than he needed to. They were so close and just staring at each other. Tsukishima wondered what would happen if he just kissed him. His lips looked so soft and he was just so pretty. Tsukishima didn't though. Another moment was when they had a practice match against Nekoma. They won, as they should have. Tadashi ran up to Tsukishima and hugged him, his arms wrapped around his neck. Tsukishima wrapped his hand around Tadashi's waist. They were both happy to win, even if it was just a practice match. It felt so intimate with the way they were hugging. Once again, they were so close. Tsukishima just wanted to say "I like you." He didn't. He still wonders what would've happened if he did. Those were only a few of the moments.
The seasons had now changed to winter. Snow piled the ground. The sun barely showing through the clouds. The journey to school being brutal some mornings. The two walked home, Tadashi complaining about how cold he was every five seconds. He never did well in the cold.
"Tsukkiii. How are you not so cold?" He whined.
"I don't know. I'm just not?"
Tadashi stopped and squatted down on the ground. "I'm too cold to move anymore!" He had curled into himself.
Tsukishima wasn't really sure how to reply. He could tease him, or try to convince him to keep walking. Or...he could throw a snowball at him. Tsukishima got a snowball together as quietly as possible. Tadashi's head was down so Tsukishima should be able to scare him. Tsukishima hands went numb as he held the snowball, even though he was wearing gloves. He quickly threw the snowball at Tadashi.
"What the-," Tadashi fell to the ground. His hands scrambling to catch himself. "Why did you do that!?"
Tsukishima just laughed. Tadashi had a small pout on his face. Tsukishima put his hand out to help Tadashi get up. Tadashi slowly put his hand out too, but instead a thing of snow came Tsukishima's way.
"Tadashi!"
"What! It's only fair."
Tsukishima couldn't argue with that. Tadashi got up, clearly shivering. He brushed all the snow off himself.
"Hold on, you have snow in your hair." Tsukishima racked his hands through Tadashi's hair. His was soft as always, but also pretty cold.
"You're hands are so warm." Before Tsukishima could reply, Tadashi wrapped himself around Tsukishima. Tsukishima hesitated for a moment, before putting his arms around Tadashi.
The moment felt so perfect. Being with Tadashi just felt so perfect. He didn't know what he would do if Tadashi wasn't in his life.
"I like you."
That's all Tsukishima could say. He felt like he should say more, but he was scared. He was scared of the rejection.
"In a...romantic way?" Tsukishima just nodded.
Tadashi let out a small laugh. "I know."
Tsukishima pulled back a bit. "What do you mean?"
"You're not exactly subtle when you like someone" Tsukishima somehow got even more red. "So, when wanna hold hands and walk home in the cold, my new boyfriend?" Tadashi said while a smile. Tsukishima doesn't think he ever nodded so fast.
No one seemed surprised when they learned the two had started dating. If anything they were more surprised to learn the two hadn't been dating. Tsukishima's assumptions that Tadashi's lips were soft was also proven correct after Tadashi gave him a quick kiss before school one morning. Yeah, Tsukishima couldn't imagine life without Tadashi.