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Killian sighed, stepping out of the station as Regina, Emma, David, Neal, and Graham's arguing got louder and louder—despite Snow and Robin’s best attempts to quieten it.
More desperate to clear his head than he was willing to admit.
He leaned against the wall and lit a cigarette. Silently cursing Baelfire and Will for getting him into the habit as he tried to sort out what he was feeling.
He should be happy: they had finally , after several long, tedious months, apprehended Zelena. He and Jeff were talking again. The heroes finally seemed to trust him and people were finally letting up on shooting him suspicious looks whenever he happened to pas them.
But he wasn't happy.
No.
Instead… he just felt drained.
He began to reflect a bit—against his better judgment—on the events and people that had brought him to this moment.
For some reason, his thoughts always came wandering back to Jefferson.
That good for nothing, handsome bastard.
He was immensely relieved that they were talking again, and for whatever reason, talking with, and just generally being around Jefferson made his thoughts stop spinning so loud.
“Gods,” he thought to himself. “Gone soft much? If you like Jefferson so bloody much, why don’t you marry him, then.”
He chuckled at his own thoughts. That would be a sight, him and Jefferson shot gunning a wedding out of the blue.
It was a fun thing to joke about….unless?
He snagged his phone out of his pocket, thinking that it was just a joke, and he was not blushing at the idea of being married to Jefferson.
He pressed the ‘Jeff’ button on his talking phone.
Jefferson answered on the second ring. “Who the fuck—”
“Jefferson, I’m done with this godforsaken town. Get your hatter ass to the station and pick me up. We’re eloping.”
There was a long pause.
“How drunk are you?” The portal hopper sighed.
“I am of perfectly sound mind.” Killian retorted.
“Why don't I believe that?”
“Jeff, come ooooon. Imagine how funny this is going to be. Imagine the looks on the Charming’s faces.”
“Where are you? I'm calling Ruby to get you: you are definitely drunk—”
“I am not drunk.” Killian insisted. “I just thought it would be…funny, is all.” He was starting to question why he thought this phone call was a good idea in the first place.
“Stay put. I'm coming to get you.”
Killian rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’m at the station. See you then.”
Killian was on his fourth cigarette. Nerves wracking him as he wondered what was taking the hatter so long. Wondering with dread if he'd destroyed the little progress they'd made in restoring their friendship.
Jefferson pulled up next to the station, looking equal parts exasperated and concerned. “You still standing?”
“I'm not drunk!”
“Somehow I doubt that.” He parked and jumped out of the car. “Sober people don’t bring up shotgun weddings at random intervals.”
“Look, mate. It was a joke. Just forget I said anything.” Killian didn't look at him, going to lit another cig—he definitely needed to quit soon.
Strangely, Jefferson couldn’t seem to drop the idea. “But why… that specifically? I mean, you could have joked about anything.”
“Just tired I suppose.” It wasn't a flat out lie. He was tired but that wasn't anything new.
Jefferson pursed his lips. After a brief moment of silence, he grabbed his phone from his pocket. “Wait here.” He dialed as he walked around the corner, checking to make sure Killian didn’t follow.
He didn't.
“Ruby. Listen closely—”
Killian was almost deathly silent as they drove.
Jefferson tapped the steering wheel, nervous. Which was odd. Why was he nervous around Killian of all people? They were friends, after all.
“So…Grace is doing well.” He tried to strike up a casual conversation, to get Killian to break that god awful silence.
“That's good.” The pirate didn't know what else to say: he had never felt more embarrassed in his life. He was sure he had never made more of a bigger fool of himself than he had tonight.
Hearing his voice made him feel slightly better, but it wasn’t enough to cull the anxiety inside him.
Thankfully, Granny’s Diner wasn’t that far from the station, and he drove into the parking lot before the awkwardness became too unbearable.
Killian made a move to get out. Only for Tinkerbell to pop up in the window—Whale, his brother, Will, Ana, and Ruby behind her.
Killian almost fell out of the car. “Fucking hell! What the hell?!”
“Guess who got ordained online?” Ruby clapped her hands, not even blinking at his reaction as she climbed into the backseat with Tink and a tipsy Will. “Now come on and help me and Tink convince Victor to be the flower girl!”
“Oh HELL no. Not happening, Ruby!” Whale snapped as he tried to shuffle away from her in the backseat.
“Alright, then help me convince Gerhardt.”
The man in question yelped. “Wait, what?”
Killian, who had been stunned into silence, finally found his voice. “What the FUCK are you all talking about?”
“Well… you wanted to get married.” Jefferson started, tapping the steering wheel. “So… I called them.”
“ An’ Ana an’ I brought wine from Wonderland!” Will hiccuped, a mad grin on his face as Ana let out a drunken giggle that she never would have let out sober.
“Bloody— I said I was joking!” Killian wouldn't admit this outloud, but the sight of Jefferson and most of their shared friends gathered to throw an impromptu shotgun wedding for them made the dark cloud in his head a little lighter.
“But you weren't actually. Not fully. ” Jefferson rolled his eyes. “I'm not stupid, I know when you're being serious about something.”
“Unless you think I’m intoxicated?” Killian deadpanned, with a small smirk.
“We aren't even dating, what was I supposed to think?”
Will groaned. “Oh come off it, you too. Save the arguing for after the honeymoon.”
“S-shut it, Scarlet.” Killian stammered, not prepared to think of those implications.
“For once, I agree with Will.” Tink huffed. “Ruby didn't get ordained for nothing and I've been waiting for this for far too long.”
“And, if you do want to get married, we better get going because there's lots to do and Zarina and Dorothy can only watch Grace for so long before Blue notices and gets all—”
“Alright, hold on now.” Killian held up his hands. “First of all, is this even considered a legal union since Ruby got ordained on the internet?”
The brunette rolled her eyes. “Excuse you, I used an official site. So yes, it'd be legal.”
Killian whipped his head around to Jefferson. “And you…you really want to do this? If it’s legal, it becomes…less of a joke. Are you certain ?”
“If I wasn't, I wouldn't have organized this whole thing.” Jefferson pointed out. “If you're in, I'm in.”
Killian reached over and took his hand. “Aye. I’m in.”
Whale whooped. “Yeah! Wedding!”
Killian sent off a text to the group chat that held his brother and his other friends in town before going to bed.
Not even bothering to wait for a reply.
Killian: Getting hitched. If anyone wants to attend the wedding/elopement, let me know and I'll send you the details.
Emma: What
Snow: WHAT!?!?
August: Nice, man!
Archie: You didn't mention you were seeing anyone in our last session.
Lily: whomst the FUCK are you marrying
David: SINCE WHEN?
David: Can I be your best man?
Graham: wait is that why Ruby was getting ordained when I got back?!
Neal: wait are kids allowed? Lmk so I can get Henry a suit and have time to convince Regina. You can't just spring this shit on me with no warning, man!
Robin: I second that. I need to get Roland and Margot a suit. Do tiny suits exist in this realm? Do baby suits exist in this realm?
Robin: also has anyone seen Will?
Snow: If you give me a few days I can arrange balloons or flowers or something! This is all very last minute! Do you have a wedding photographer? A planner? An arranger? A florist?
Liam Jr: what is happening
Lily: still haven’t answered WHO THE FUCK YOU’RE MARRYING HOOK
Dorothy: yes that's why Ruby was getting ordained. Also he's marrying Jefferson.
Zarina: I'm surprised Jefferson said yes. Who proposes over the phone?
Dorothy: You're just jealous it wasn't you.
Zarina: shut up.
Zarina: do you think Ruby's worn Whale down about being the flower girl yet?
Emma: I FUCKING CALLED IT! JEFFERSON AND KILLIAN HAVE A THING! DAD, YOU OWE ME FIFTY BUCKS.
David: Damn it. I was betting on it being one of his pirate friends.
Grace: yay! Another dad!
Henry: Knew it! Operation Mad Cow is a go!
Archie: is getting spontaneously married a good idea, Killian?
Granny: do any of you ever sleep?
Regina: Well I’m TRYING to sleep, but my phone keeps blowing up!!!!!! Why should I care that the pirate and the hatter are getting hitched?!
Gold: honestly, the hatter could do better.
Neal: PAPA!
Belle: RUMPLE!
Belle: and I for one think it's wonderful they're getting married.
Regina: HENRY DANIEL MILLS GO TO BED!
Henry: Sorry mom…
Regina: Robin, we are not putting poor Margot in a tuxedo!
Granny: Grace, you go to bed too.
Smee: Captain?
Liam Jr: KILLIAN ANSWER THE PHONE