Chapter Text
*~*~*~*~*
One morning, eight letters shimmer on his pale skin, etched in silver, barely standing out from the inner side of his forearm. Aguero can’t help but be mesmerised. They are something new, something that sets him apart from his siblings. The others, age five and upwards, have words on their arms too, but theirs aren’t the same. As far as Aguero knows, he’s the only one gifted words of affection.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” His mother hugs him from behind as she spots them peeking out beneath his sleeves. “These words embody what a mother feels toward her child, Aguero. Only the best for my precious boy.” Gently, she takes his arm, her thumb slowly gliding over the words “You always listen so well and make your mummy so proud. And it makes me glad to know that someday, somebody else will appreciate you as much as I do.”
Aguero feels her kissing his hair before she lets go of him. His heart beats a little faster, telling him he’s happy. But as he turns to face his mother, her eyes are tired and cold, bearing nothing of the softness within her voice. “You will help your sister preparing well for the candidate selection tomorrow, won’t you? I expect flawless behaviour of our future princess.” She caresses his hair; her smile is fond but not reaching her eyes.
But Aguero, still excited to finally have been gifted his words, pretends not to see and nods. He remembers that showing feelings marks a weakness and he lowers his arms to hide the silver font beneath well fitted clothes. “Of course, mother.”
*~*~*~*~*
Aguero looks down, hearing his heartbeat louder than the cries of his foster sister. Kiseia kneels next to the only true sister he has, within this world filled with Khun offspring - the only sibling, he shares more than the genes of his father with. Her hands are covered in blood.
“You monster!” Kiseia stares at him, her blue eyes are clouded with tears. “This is all your fault! How could you do this? After everything we’ve been through?!” She cradles the dead body on her lap, not caring about the thick crimson liquid seeping through her dress.
Aguero feels unreal, like he’s trapped in a nightmare despite knowing it’s a dream. Except this has no escape like waking up. Maria had won the title of a princess, and he is genuinely happy for her; thrilled that his plan worked out. But this, he had never wanted - seeing his sister dead on the floor, having ended her own life with a dagger.
“The words on your arm are a blatant lie!” Kiseia shouts, her anger is followed by a suppressed sob.
Others would cry in this situation, but all Aguero can think about is, that she is not accurately controlling her emotions, and that shivering like that makes her appear vulnerable and weak.
“There’s no way someone out there could ever love a nasty traitor like you!”
The words sting. They hit one of the few sore spots Aguero still hasn’t learned to give up on and he holds himself back from gripping at his arm. The blood makes his stomach churn, the sight nearly causing him to tremble. He cannot watch them any longer. The consequences of his actions not only robbing him of his right to call himself a Khun.
He turns to the exit of the room, blocking out Kiseia’s voice. She will never forgive him, but he deserves it. Blood should be thicker than water, at least as long as it’s from the right branch of the family. That’s what Agnis had taught them.
His mother leans against the doorframe. She remains silent as he passes her, and he ignores the only true emotion he has seen on her face in years.
*~*~*~*~*
Aguero decides not to go by his first name anymore. He’s no longer acknowledged as a member of his family, but that’s an even better reason for him to use his father’s name. He breaks into Edahn’s treasury, robs him of some of his most valuable items and leaves before the guards take notice.
If he’s disdained as an outcast, he at least will be rumoured about for one thing he actually had done all by himself, no name of a sister mentioned. But their names are still the first thing that comes to people’s minds. No one ever talks about their minnows, and everyone despises the traitors.
Headon invites him into the tower, and Khun knows what he wants. This does not and never will include stupidly following rules that were only created to keep people apart for the sake of maintaining existing states. He strives for change and changes are only obtained after pushing at resistances.
And right on the second floor, he meets a boy who fits his motivations better than any part of Maria ever could.
*~*~*~*~*
“Mr. Khun, why are you covering your name?” Bam asks after they have been given their rooms. His wide eyes shine golden within the light of the setting sun that’s reflected by yellow fields. Khun is picking him up for dinner, but the dining period has yet to begin.
“What?” Khun is confused, but Bam is refreshingly confusing in many ways. His new companion is interesting, asking the strangest questions since the moment they met. And his weapon – a one in a lifetime sight! Every minute they spent together, his behaviour is intriguing Khun more and more.
“Your right arm. Why did you wrap a bandage around your name?” Bam points at Khun’s side and it’s just within that moment that Khun notices the silver letters on Bam’s wrist.
“You mean the soul mark?” Khun seats himself next to Bam, arms casually resting on the bed.
“Soul mark?” Bam knits his eyebrows, looking at his own arm again.
“Yes, it’s not your name. Or rather it’s not their name for everyone. It’s the words your soulmate says or will say to you the most.” Khun can’t help but chuckle at Bam’s expression. “For you, it’s your name. For me, it’s something else.”
“Oh.” Bam’s eyes wander off to Khun’s bandaged arm again. “What’s a soulmate?”
Khun halts in gently tapping his fingers on the sheets. He can’t say for sure how the marks are explained in the other parts of the tower, but their teachers had taught soulmate history as common knowledge throughout every floor ruled by King Jahad. “It’s simply another person to complete you, Bam. Usually, someone with the ability to understand you best, with whom you should feel the most comfortable when together. But it’s rare to ever find them or confirm the status of being soulmates, especially with frequently-used words or sentences as a mark.”
“But shouldn’t it be easier like that?” Bam has a quality Khun misses in most people he’s met. He looks him right into the eyes without bad or selfish intentions, just exploring and trying to understand the world.
“It makes it even more difficult actually. For example, if you found someone who calls you by your name a thousand times, it still doesn’t mean they are your soulmate because the words only tell you what words your soulmate directs to you at the highest count. Your soul mark might be ‘hello’ if it’s the only word ever said to you by them, despite there being hundreds to greet you like this. Some of them probably a thousand times more than the soulmate you’ve only met once.” Khun lets his eyes wander over the silvery letters on the boy’s skin. His mark is beautiful despite being so short.
“Does that mean it might not be Rachel?”
“The girl you’re looking for?”
“Yes, she has her name on her arm as well.”
“I can’t tell you who your soulmate is, Bam. She might be. But even if she isn’t, it’s not a bad thing to not know them. It’s like a pair of matching pictures. One is beautiful on its own but shines the most and is more meaningful when displayed together. You can easily live a happy life without your soulmate, accompanied by other people in their place.“
Bam looks thoughtful at his own wrist for a moment. A soft smile appears on his lips. “I still hope one day, I’ll know them, and that Rachel will like them, if it’s not her.” His golden eyes wander to the bandages on Khun’s arm again. “You still haven’t told me why you’re hiding your mark. Wouldn’t it be easier to find your soulmate when the words can be seen by others?”
Khun carefully touches his wrist on the place where the silver letters are, unseen beneath layers and layers of cloth. “I don’t like seeing them.”
“You don’t?” Bam asks, looking right into Khun’s soul.
“They are mocking me.” A bitter smirk clouds his own eyes, and Bam’s expression changes.
The brunet boy softly places his hand on top of the bandage, covering the eight taunting letters as well. Words seem to lie on the tip of his tongue, an encouraging glint within his eyes.
But before he can say them, the bell for dinner rings.
Khun laughs it off, pulling Bam up from the floor. The boy is easy to distract with the fact that there will be food they can buy. His bubbly, but gentle nature makes Khun feel at ease.
Khun doesn’t like talking about things like the soul bond. If possible, he’d prefer to never meet his so-called second half. Birds of a feather flock together. Additionally, Khun cannot imagine anyone to ever use those words towards himself if not for deceit. Despite past memories carrying a bitter taste, talking to Bam about the topic hadn’t been as bad as he thought it would be.
*~*~*~*~*
Bam is taken from him, like anything good that had ever happened to Khun. He dies far from Khun’s reach, alone, protecting the girl he would’ve followed to the top of the tower.
It’s strange for Khun to feel empty like he does after he sees Rachel emerging from the net dolphin madame without his best friend. A numbness worse than the one haunting him after his sister had ended her life fills his chest. He hadn’t even known the soft boy with his sweet, happy smile and admirable determination for that long, and yet he is devastated by his death.
Not as much as Rachel, though. After Bam died, she had cried for days, leaving her room not once and refusing to eat. She showed all the symptoms - neglecting herself, feeling a lack of purpose and having dreams of seeing herself from Bam’s eyes as he is drowned by Shinsu, feeling the wounds from the bull’s attack and its sharp teeth piercing through her skin. With Bam she had lost her soulmate, and it makes sense as Bam had not met that many people in his life who had called him by name.
Khun, within the farthest corner of his heart, has sympathy for her, promising to take her to the top in Bam’s stead. It is what Bam would have wished for and what his soul, too innocent for the cruelties of the tower, would have done if it had been someone else. It somehow helps Khun to sort out the turmoil within his own mind. It helps him to move on.
But their reality of being part of a supportive and healing team for the traumatized soulmate losing their other half is short. It had never been Rachel’s and Khun is quick to see through her lies. Bitterness and loathing hit him harder than expected, but he remains a Khun after all - he perfects his masquerade in less time than Rachel needs for getting back into her damn wheelchair whenever someone knocks on her door.
Khun promises to take everything from her for what she did to Bam, his most precious friend. The only thing bringing him joy is the thought of her screaming in agony when she realizes her dream is ultimately slipping out of reach right before it comes true.
His plans of revenge turn to dust, like the hand of Arlen does after the mad bunny girl activates the bombs’ triggers.
At least temporarily. But patience is one of Khun’s strengths. And this flawless lovely woman killing and destroying half of his teammates is perfect fuel for a long-lasting flame.
What he discovers while getting to know Team Sweet and Sour is more important than Rachel for the time being. He has hope to find Bam alive and it blinds Khun to many things surrounding him.
He doesn’t even recognize the sweet tragedy of two soulmates finding each other before it’s too late and the two are torn apart again as a cost of freeing Bam from FUG. It’s sad but dealing with this outcome hat to be postponed to the future.
For the first time in years, Khun allows himself to feel genuinely happy, but time passes like the blink of an eye. The beautifully curious boy has been changed by years of pain and harshness Khun would have given his all to protect him from.
Khun is not proud of it, but some flames cannot be extinguished before turning into a massive wildfire, taking everything down. For their different sakes and goals, the two reunited friends have to part ways once more before the damage that has been done has a chance to heal.
At least this time, there’s a promise to meet again.
*~*~*~*~*
“Bam” The name is a whisper when it escapes Khun’s lips. The young man gnaws at his cheek, shakes his head, and continues to knead his own hands. He stares at the unconscious form of his best friend resting on a bed sized for far bigger creatures, and he waits. Khun waits for him to wake up as he did countless times before. All because Bam had seen her again.
It’s been months, but Khun can still see the image of them; Bam being too angry to let go of her. Bam, too caught up in chasing the girl that betrayed him and his friends for years, to even notice Khun calling his name.
“We were happy back there… Just being you and me. What is it that makes you go through all this to climb up the tower?”
Khun does not know why these words still sting so much. It’s nothing new for him, but they make it even more obvious that he doesn’t deserve to stand at Bam’s side as long as he attempts to kill her.
Despite her having pushed him for a second time.
In his sleep, Khun still sees him falling with none of his desperate callings being able to get Bam to react. If Beta hadn’t been there… if Khun had lacked in his ability of thinking clearly just a bit longer…
Khun takes in another conscious breath. He cannot relent, and he won’t give up on getting after Rachel but for reasons far from Bam’s own.
She might be Bam’s soulmate after all.
Nothing changes within the room when Khun gets hit by this thought, but it makes his stomach churn and his heartrate speed up as if his body is unwilling to accept this possibility. But Khun is not Bam and he’s unable to forgive.
The distance between them has already grown to a point where it’s perceptible for others. Every time Khun looks at Bam, he craves for the boy lost on the second floor, for the strange but uplifting understanding they shared. Bam is still Bam and Khun remains a Khun. As a result, Khun smiles bitterly, allowing the acceptance of them not being a good match in any way aside from their fighting positions.
I don’t deserve having a friend like him.
Yet, despite thinking that, he’s unable to let go of him because he knows he couldn’t bear watching this powerful but fragile boy getting torn apart.
*~*~*~*~*
The quiet sound of their compartment door opening startles Khun wide awake. He instinctively grabs the knife hidden beneath his pillows, preparing for an attack. The sudden rush of adrenaline immediately dissipates when he hears a soft sigh and the gentle click of the locking mechanism.
Bam.
Carefully, Khun rises. In the motion he catches sight of the snoring gator on the bed next to his before he turns towards the young irregular. Bam flinches upon seeing Khun not sleeping soundly anymore.
“It’s just me, Mr. Khun.” Bam says, giving him a tired smile.
Khun unwraps himself from the blankets. His bare feet cause silent tapping sounds on the floor as he joins Bam on his bedding. “Bam, you look exhausted.” Without any further words he stows away Bam’s day clothes as the boy changes. “Don’t overexert yourself that often.”
Bam gladly accepts the help and lets himself fall on the mattress. “There’s not much time left before I must face Hoaquin. And there’s so much to work out in the rice pot.” He stares at the dark ceiling, only humming after Khun asks him whether he had eaten or not.
“Bam...” Khun exhales and when he’s receiving another unresponsive hum, he lies down next to him.
Bam immediately curls on the sheets to face Khun. His half-lidded eyes catch sight of the bandages wrapped around the light bearer’s wrist. “I’m not hungry now. I’ll eat tomorrow.” His voice is barely a whisper, and he’s bringing up his own arm, resting it next to Khun’s. Within dimmed blue light, the silver of his name is barely readable.
It’s useless to try getting Bam to do something he doesn’t want to, so Khun decides to not push him for having a late dinner. “Bam, if you’re getting hungry at night, I have some snacks in the lighthouse. Just three taps on the surface and you will gain access.” Khun is surprised how soft his own voice sounds, almost weak from a sudden wave of fatigue, but he can’t bring himself to care.
“Yeah, thank you.” Bam’s answer is a small smile. He’s still staring at their wrists, deeply lost in thoughts.
A tender silence wraps around them as they just rest on the same bed together, and Khun soon gets lulled in by the rhythmic sounds of Bam breathing and the gator adding occasional snores.
“Mr. Khun?” His name is spoken slowly and when Khun blinks he sees Bam drawing circles on the sheets next to his hand. “Is it always like that when one loses their soulmate?”
“Like what?” Khun blinks again prevent himself from falling asleep.
Bam finally lifts his gaze from their hands. “Like Daniel and Roen.”
Khun is not fast in thinking at this moment, but hearing the names is enough for him to understand. “I heard it barely hurts if you didn’t know them well.”
Bam hums again. “Have you met yours already?” His deep voice is soothing.
Khun finds it difficult to continue blinking. “No one has said my words to me yet.”
“You still don’t like them?”
“- remember that?” The day had been exhausting and Khun finally gives up on trying to keep is eyes open. His voice conveys fewer words than his mind phrases.
“Of course, I do.” He can feel a light and warm touch on his palm. “Will you tell me if you know who they are?”
“Hm.” This time it’s Khun who only hums as an answer. His mind is carried away, and he does not catch the next words carefully whispered like a secret for no one else to hear.
“I would like to meet and protect them.” Bam wraps his hand around cold fingers, carefully tugging at the blanket to tuck in the sleeping man. “Because today I learned that most people lose themselves when their other half dies, and I don’t want that happen to you.”
*~*~*~*~*
“You are a foolish turtle!”
“What?” Khun glares at Rak, surprised by the sudden statement.
“The black turtle knows his name. You don’t need to remind him of it that often,” Rak growls, but it’s not intimidating due to his small form.
“What the hell is your problem, gator?” Khun continues to check their list of supplies, estimating how long they would last on the hidden floor.
“I want bananas and for you to stop making the black turtle’s name every third word you use!” Rak leaps on Khun’s bed and Khun feels the heavy dip on his mattress. “I am your leader! Use my name too!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Leave me alone. I’ve got work to do!” Khun rolls his eyes and throws a cereal bar with banana flavour at the bothering nuisance of a friend.
For once, the wraithraiser leaves with complaints under his breath. “The black turtle can be glad the mark just shows his name and not the number of times it’s called to him.” The door closes, finally muffling the wraithraiser’s voice.
Khun shakes his head in frustration. He mentally calculates the stock, deeming it sufficient for now. After finishing his task, he can’t stop his mind from wandering. Again, and again it repeatedly ends up at Rak’s grousing.
Do I really say Bam’s name that much?
Recalling the events of the last few days, Khun recognises he does. And it doesn’t even surprise him. How else is he supposed to warn Bam if an enemy approaches from behind? How else can he express the worry he feels when his best friend gives off his no-need-to-worry-smile while it’s the worst act Khun has ever seen. What else can he say when Bam’s name just rolls off his tongue naturally. It’s like he has to call him once their eyes meet.
Thinking about Rak’s last mutter, Khun pictures the softly glinting letters onto their companion’s wrist. , written in the same beautiful font he remembers his own words to be. There are several fonts the soul mark can be written in. A matching one doesn’t mean anything though. It still causes Khun’s heart to flutter.
Because Bam is more than just a friend. Khun takes in a sharp breath.
Could I be his soulmate? He instinctively touches his wrist, absentmindedly playing with the ends of the firmly wrapped cloth there.
Do I want to be his soulmate? Do I want him to be mine?
A small part of him – the young boy who once had marvelled at the idea of having a destinated other to experience the world with – already knows the answer. It’s not only that one small part actually and Khun has to actively keep his breath even after acknowledging this.
Only then he remembers the words inked on his own skin. I love you.
As if that could ever be possible. Khun’s shoulders sag down in relaxation.
Bam is Khun’s best friend, and he hopes Bam considers Khun to be that to himself as well.
As if we could ever be something more. As if someone, and even less him, could ever think of me this way. What a ridiculous thought!
Khun blinks away the lump in his throat. This slight blur of his vision is certainly not caused by a short wave of disappointment and even less by sadness. He was raised to be stronger than wishing for something like that.
Being someone’s soulmate means nothing, and the words on his arms are nothing but a lie, too.
*~*~*~*~*
“I’m glad you stayed for training with us. Your ice Shinsu looks amazing!” There’s an optimistic spark within Bam’s golden eyes when he approaches him. He hasn’t even changed after his special training with Edahn, and he looks worn out.
The compliment causes an uncomfortable ache within Khun’s chest, but seeing Bam this happy does something to him. He cannot turn him down, even though Khun is painfully aware of his own shortcomings of only being a regular not blessed with much ability to control Shinsu. “Do you want to eat something? Boro has done the cooking for today and it’s better than anything that Sachi, Rak or I ever made.”
“Yeah sure!” Bam smiles happily and follows him.
In the dining room, they meet Rak, Endorsi, Hockney, Boro and Sachi. Khun contently watches Bam cheerfully joining them in a game of cards. Bam enjoying himself despite the upcoming battle makes Khun wander off in his own thoughts.
The game cannot last long, and Rak runs off to prepare their bedroom. The others wish them good night and promise to cheer on Bam for the next day whereupon the irregular gives them a heartfelt thanks.
Khun doesn’t notice the worry on Bam’s face when they are alone. He’s lost in staring out the icy windows, his gaze wandering over the data landscape controlled by a much younger and much different version of his father.
“Hey.” Bam gently places a cool hand against Khun’s face.
Khun immediately flinches from the shock after suddenly being ripped away from his thoughts.
Bam lowers his arm and takes an unusual number of seconds to just look into his eyes without saying anything to explain himself.
“B-bam?” Khun blinks and he’s confused by Bam’s expression changing into a gentle smile before it gets formed by firm determination again.
“I promise to do my best tomorrow. I will try everything to defeat Jahad’s data and come back to you!” Bam looks so uncharacteristically mature, as if he feels ready to face such a powerful opponent.
It’s only in that moment, Khun suddenly realizes that he had grown a lot within the last few months. Both of them are nearly of the same height now, and his best friend’s shoulders appear broader, as if they have strengthened themselves to support Bam in this nearly impossible task.
“Please take care of yourself, Bam.”
“I will!” Bam takes Khun’s right arm by the wrist and draws reassuring circles with his thumb. “When we meet up after the fight, join us when we all play a game of cards together!”
“Sure.” Khun feels the corner of his lips twitch as his heart skips a beat.
Bam grins in return and finally pulls him to their shared bedroom. They find Rak eagerly waiting with their blankets spread out on the floor. Khun savours every waking second the three of them have left together before they go to sleep.
*~*~*~*~*