Chapter Text
Long story short, you’re the world’s biggest fuck up.
Just over 2 months ago, you were working your day shift at the city zoo, when a sudden burst of pink clouds covered the entire park, and you realised with a pit in your stomach and a looming sense of deja vu that you had accidentally handed out magical water bottles from the zoo’s secret stash… whoops.
For the last few weeks, you had been attempting to rectify your mistakes by finding and curing the afflicted customers. So far, you had encountered a rabbit, a wolf, a rooster and a pegasus, but you were starting to run out of places to look for talking animals. You thought it might be good to do some research on the curse and what exactly was happening, and so… there you were, sat in a quiet internet cafe, grasping at straws to figure out what the hell you could google to get any good results.
After trying ‘animal boy curse’, ‘magic pink cloud water’, ‘magic animal curse’ and various other shitty explanations for what happened, you let out an exasperated sigh. This really wasn’t working. When you looked back at your screen, your tab had closed, and on the screen was countless illegible lines of code. Baffled and confused, you looked about the screen for anything you could read with your limited tech knowledge. At the top right of the screen, there was a small text box reading: “SUCCESS: NORAD Security=“off””.
Fuck.
You scrambled, albeit unsuccessfully, to un-hack into NORAD, and sighed with relief when you returned to the familiar glaring white of a new Google tab. You spent a few moments relaxing, before… you heard a chuckle from across the room, and a 16-bit popup flashed on your screen. There was a small icon that looked like a lemur, and a message from a user called “ANON”. It read as followed:
“yo, stranger. your hacking skills are dope. tickle me impressed. truce? :)”
Another came through a moment later.
“i cant believe you beat my best time. even as i was trying to stop you. that kind of hacking deserves a pint to celebrate. lets go, im at the computer just in front of you. dont mind my affliction.”
You immediately stood up and peered over the computer, and a gasp involuntarily escaped you. Before you was a vibrant orange lemur, waving their paw and smiling enthusiastically. They gestured for you to come around to their side, and spoke to you in a hushed tone.
“Hey there. Name’s Anon. Like I say, don’t mind the lemur.. ness. Long story, and I cannae be bothered to explain. But by Cthulu, yer hackin’ skills are top class—“
“Uh, actually…” You said hesitantly, “why don’t we grab a table? I think we should.. talk… about this.”
He looked at you quizzically, before hopping off the chair and walking with you to a table. You both ordered your desired coffees, before you leaned in to explain, making a mental note to yourself to go about this as delicately as possible.
“So, what’s goin’ on?”
“Ah, okay, so…” You took a deep, weighted breath through gritted teeth.
“I may, or may not, be partly, kind of, sorta, the reason you’re a lemur.”
“…You’re fuckin’ with me.”
His warm, accepting smile that was once on his face had completely dissipated, replaced with disbelief which soon evaporated into rage. He whisper-yelled in distress as his fur puffed up.
“You did this to me?! What the fuck?! How did ya even— what— wait, so, do ye know what this is then? Why me? I dinnae even know ya!”
You shushed him to silence, and released a deep breath. He had to understand that you could, and would, cure it. “Listen,” you began, “you’re not the first one I’ve encountered—“
“There’s MORE?”
“Let me finish! I figured out with the first guy that this.. animal curse, per se, is broken by, uh… kissing.. the afflicted.”
Anon paused, staring at you incredulously, before he clambered onto the table and came towards you.
“…Well then, let’s snog right now! Get it over with!”
You were just barely able to distance his furry face from that of your own before they connected, and he sat back down with a look of frustration and confusion.
“It doesn’t work like that. You have to.. y’know. You have to want it. It has to be natural.”
You could practically hear his eyes rolling into the back of his head.
“Listen, I don’t know why it works like this either. All I know is that that’s what this curse does.”
He sighed, leaning back into his now-comically-large chair and tapping the cup of his emptied black coffee. After a brief moment of silence, he grimaced and spoke again.
“I mean, does it have to be you? Cannae it be.. I dunno. Someone else? No offense.”
“None taken, and yeah, actually, it can.” There we go, something comforting, you thought to yourself. “Volks and Kelby — those are two other cursed guys—“
“God, how many of them are there?!”
“A few. Anyway, they hit it off, and they ended up partially breaking the curse without me. I don’t… suppose you have a partner?”
He hesitated. “I’m a ginger basement dweller who chooses to go to internet cafes. Do ye think I have a partner?”
“Okay, well then…” Oh, dear god. This was the part you hated saying the most. But at this point, it had become muscle memory, and this poor guy deserved some aid in becoming… well, not a lemur, ideally. “How about.. we spend some time together, and we’ll try to break this thing? And if you meet someone along the way, you can drop me and it’ll be understood.”
The silence that followed was thick with tension as he contemplated. You sat in your seat, lips pursed. If he refused here, he’d be resting his hope in that he’d find someone else. Anyone else. I’m the one who did this to him. But if he accepted… well, he didn’t seem best pleased about that option. None of them seemed to be, which, considering the circumstances, was understandable.
Despite everything in your gut telling you to ready your ‘gracious in defeat’ face, he inhaled deeply and met your anxious gaze.
“Is there seriously no other way of gettin’ back to normal?”
You shook your head.
“…Fuck it,” he breathed begrudgingly, “I think it’s worth a crack.”
You tried and failed to keep your relief internal, and a soft sigh slipped from your lungs. He gave you a mock smile, which hurt your heart more than you’d like it to. “So,” he paused to rub his forehead, “how do we get this anime weaboo bullshit movin’? Need any.. I dunno, eye of newt, or somathin’?”
It was here, at the start of every journey, that you felt a surge of dread in your gut, undermining the courage that you needed to see any of this through. You had always hated the thought of anyone being forced to spend time with you in whatever way that may be, and Anon didn’t really seem keen about any of this. But something about this guy.. it beckoned you to know him. You found yourself entranced just from this little interaction, and suddenly, what you were going to suggest didn’t feel so wrong.
“How does dinner on Saturday sound?”