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Sitting back in his office chair, Will sighed. There was nothing for him to do. Nothing to make him useful.
And yet, he was so tired. He skipped breakfast and lunch today, staying in the infirmary. Last night he worked a night shift and most definitely should be asleep right now. He wasn’t tired. He needed to do something. Let me be useful, he told Lee.
Where was that usefulness? He remembers the scarlet red blood staining his hands under his cuticles. He remembers seeing Lee’s lively eyes turn dull and pain filled in seconds.
Let me be useful, he told Lee.
A part of him died with his siblings. Will knew that. The cabin still feels empty. He tried- tried and tried. Tried to save them, tried to stay happy, tried to keep Kayla and Austin happy.
It worked. Somehow. Ache settled deep into his bones, though. He felt like he wasn’t- in the moment. Not there at all. His mind was somewhere else and his body was trying his best, moving around in goop.
Somedays he would’ve stayed in bed- aching and zoning out if he didn’t have so much to do. Somedays he feels so lively the adrenaline pushes out the melancholy.
And Will knows he isn’t the only one. He’s seen worse cases. Drew pushes away her siblings in fear of losing one like Silena again. Piper lost Leo and Jason almost in a row. Giants trapped Nico in a jar for days-suffocating. His problems felt like a joke in comparison to Nico’s, or anyone else’s, for a matter.
He sat next to Nico during nights to help him through panic attacks- nightmares. Feeling like a hypocrite, sitting there. Who would trust their medic after knowing he had the same issues?
“Will? Do you want dinner?”
Snapping out, he blinked back into his surroundings. Plastering on a smile (or at least a movement that felt like one) and he moved his head to look into the doorway.
“What? I mean, uh, no dinner tonight. Fruit, later,” Will grinned larger, hoping Nico would leave. Instead, Nico’s face twisted into concern. “No dinner? I mean- are you sure? You’re a little off today, Will.” His heart dropped.
Moving his hand to run his fingers through his hand, Will nodded, mouth dry. “I’m fine- fine, Nico.”
Walking into Will’s office completely, Nico stopped at his chair. Was he going to berate him like Kayla? Or act disappointed? Or-
“Do you need a hug, Will?” Nico murmured, concern still in his features. Will stood up, body weak. Arms wrapped around him, warmth and cold meeting. Will’s vision blurred ever so and he blinked.
”I thought you didn’t do hugs.”
“You needed one.”
Holding on tighter, Will clutched the back of Nico’s black hoodie. Nico rubbed circles into Will’s back, murmuring Italian under his breath. A thought occurred for Will. “Wh- why do you do this for me, Nico?”
Nico hummed, surprised. His arms moved, stepping back. Shit, Will messed up. Nico won’t mention again and they’ll have to move on- or Nico might-
“Wouldn’t you do this for me Will?”
He reached out, holding Will’s cheek in his cold hands. “You deserve comfort too, Will.” Nico smiled, rubbing his thumb over his cheekbone.
His heart felt like it shattered- shards piercing his chest. Will’s eyes stung. Tears flowed down his face, tears he only let go in supply closets and at night. Will turned away, wiping them before Nico seized his wrists.
He pulled him into another hug, tighter than last time. “I’m here Will. I’m here,”
A part of him scolded himself for breaking down, in his boyfriend’s arms. The other yearned to for Nico to hold him here, in his arms.
”Do you want to go back to your cabin, I mean, whenever you want?” Nico whispered, pulling away for a second.
Will shook his head, face still wet. “Not yet, please,”
Sitting down on the cold tile, Will rested his head on the wall. He pulled his knees in, holding them to his chin. Nico sat next to him, entangling their hands together.
“I don’t deserve you,” Will bitterly laughed, giving a half smile, swallowing a lump in his throat. He closed his eyes, hoping not to see Nico’s expression. Would Nico look like he agreed- or devastated? Both would eat him alive.
Feeling his hand squeezed by Nico, he used his other hand to wipe off his tears. “You do, though, Will,” His voice was quiet, syllables pronounced one by one.
“You’re a child of the big three, Nico. You helped save the world, twice. I’m just here, in the infirmary.” He opened his eyes and started picking at his cuticles. Pinching his arm, he scolded himself for talking in the first place. He should’ve accepted the hug and went on.
”Will, look at me,” Will gasped, looking over at Nico. He took both of Will’s hands, squeezing them. “You, saved many lives. It doesn’t matter how many you’ve lost. You’ve brought so many back to life.”
Tears welling up in his eyes again, his voice wavered. “But- I needed to be better- for the ones who died and-“
Nico pressed his lips against Will, soft and firm, then pulled back. “You’re a kid, too Will. You deserve to grieve, and you’re allowed to have emotions.”
Will fell back into Nico’s arms sniffling, tears back again. He felt Nico’s lips press on top of his hair before he held on tighter. It felt ridiculous- he shouldn’t be crying about this.
But he hasn’t heard these words. He hasn’t felt held, hasn’t hugged since the Second Titan War.
Will continued to sob into Nico’s shoulder, shaking. He remembered the cold nights on the pier, crying by himself. But the hands rubbing his back, the arms around him, contrasted the loneliness of those nights.
His sobs, reduced to sniffles and tears, Will pulled back.
“Let’s go to the bathroom, yeah? Then you can come sleep in my cabin- if you want.” Nico planted another kiss on his lips- then stood up.
Pulling his body away from the floor, he took Nico’s hand. Cold spread through his palms, contrasting his warm, and he let out a soft exhale. “I’m sorry,” Will muttered, looking away in embarrassment.
“Don’t be.”
Lying next to Nico, Will relaxed, closing his eyes. He felt his boyfriend’s arms around him- holding him. Closing his eyes, he drifted into sleep, night filled with warmth.