Archive of Our Own

It wasn’t like he wouldn’t do it. Every time and every chance, he would fight to keep Cherry and Pico with him. He loved them and that was enough to throw himself into every new fight that came across him. But that was also exactly the problem. How many times was Keith going to have to do this before he was just able to be with his partners? How many times did the world have to test him with some new threat every other week to see if he was worthy to love who he did? Was he just not worthy at all? Was that what this is?

The rain pelted his window. A noise to cut through the thick silence while Keith was holed up in his room, curled under the covers of his bed. He had a death grip on one of his pillows, stains of frustrated tears while he buried his face into it. Most of the time, he could handle all of these situations by just not thinking about it. Just go into the fight, don’t think about it, and win like he always did. Most of the time, he would be with Pico and Cherry, and that would be enough to distract him from the overwhelming tidal wave of just being so tired of this.

Did the world really think him so unworthy to love that it couldn’t just let him breathe? Hadn’t there been enough battles, enough people trying to get rid of him? Can’t Keith just date Cherry and Pico?

He was tired. He was tired of being tested every damn week to prove his worth. Tired of watching his back for the next enemy, tired of worrying about the target on his back he couldn’t remove no matter how hard he tried. So, so tired.

Keith sniffled, lifting his head a bit to look at the small mirror on his desk. He’d bought it around a week ago with the intent he could communicate with YS easily if he ever needed to. Wondering if the other was watching, he sighed. “Guess you can take some comfort in knowing that you’re not the only one of us struggling, as awful as it sounds. Sometimes knowing you’re not alone is worth it.”

His reflection mirrored him perfectly as he spoke- either YS was simply listening, or he really was just talking to himself. He wasn’t really all that sure of how much YS could hear or feel across the void. Somewhere along the line that dude got magical powers and wouldn’t tell Keith about them enough for him to understand it. YS and him now had some really weird ‘therapy bros’ friendship where either YS would just show up looking to talk, or Keith would just blink his puppy dog eyes at a mirror or stray puddle until the taller one responded.

Maybe the silly one was just busy.

“Well, good on him for still finding the strength to do something with his life.” Keith sighed, rolling over to face his window instead. The rain didn’t seem like it would let up anytime soon. Thankfully it wasn’t a lightning storm. “At least he can do something about the hole he’s in. All these damn attempts on my life are out of my control.”

Thinking about it sucked. All he was doing was perpetuating the cycle- bottle it up for as long as possible, and when the contents spilled over, think about how worthless he must be that the world couldn’t let him be happy. Just throw curveball after curveball at him for the rest of his life, and maybe he can be at peace when he’s dead. Maybe.

He wanted his partners. His sweet girlfriend and his protective boyfriend. They were always a text or call away, and his phone sat right next to his hand on the mattress. The device had some sadboy-vibe type song playing, Keith wasn’t sure. He’d hit autoplay on a song and let it go wherever it took him. Tapping the screen, he looked at the song title.

“Oh swell. Yeah, rub it in man. Whatever god I’ve pissed off.” He grumbled, noticing the name being the end of us. “Very funny. Of all the things.” Even while the words left his lips, he frowned as he actually paid attention to the way the song sounded. Not necessarily a genre he’d choose to listen to, but something about the timing and the situation compelled him to turn the loop on.

What if one day it really came to that? Where he eventually loses a battle and loses his partners. There was no way he could win every time, at some point he’d make a mistake or just not be good enough to win. Then he’d end up dead or outcasted, banned from seeing Cherry, unable to face Pico. Living with the weight of his own failure would probably be worse than a bullet between the eyes, he decided. His silly self already knew that.

Keith turned back over to the mirror, expecting it to be the same. His breath caught in his throat, however, when instead of his normal reflection, there was a red and ghostly silhouette behind it. He did a double take, looking over his shoulder to see nothing there. “Um… hello?”

The silhouette simply gave a friendly smile, vanishing in an instant at the same time Keith heard his front door open. “Babe?” Cherry’s voice called out softly. “Pico’s going to be over soon, I called him. Are you in your room? I heard that you needed someone…”

Who the fuck was that in the mirror? That wasn’t YS, he wouldn’t reach out to Cherry… Wait. Was that really…? “I’m in my room. I’m sorry.” He responded, voice tired.

“Don’t apologize, I just got here.” Cherry scolded lightly as she entered his room. “What happened, babe? Anything I can help with directly?”

Keith shook his head, squeezing the pillow in his arms again. Dammit, the tears were trying to get out again. The whole point of him not picking up his phone was because he hadn’t wanted to be a bother- both Cherry and Pico had their own things to do. Fuck, even YS had his own things to do. At some point he had to deal with his issues on his own. It wasn’t fair to always dump everything on someone else. He shook his head. “You can’t fix this one. Sorry. I’m not even fully sure how you were made aware.”

Cherry sighed, climbing into the bed to hold Keith to her closely. “I’m not entirely sure either. I was just doing some errands and then a thought popped into my mind that wasn’t mine. I couldn’t shake it. It was like someone telling me you were upset, but whoever they were they couldn’t physically do anything about it. Whatever it was, it was right. You need comfort right now.”

“I have a theory.” Keith mumbled, covering Cherry’s arms with his own. “I may have ended up alerting someone else through that mirror. She was only trying to help, I can’t be mad.” It made sense if it was who he thought it was. YS having the powers he did, maybe they weren’t truly his to begin with.

“I’d love to meet your reflection friends someday. I have to thank them for what they’ve done for you.” She mused, squeezing his hand. Her small smile faltered. “Do you… want to talk about it? Or do you just need someone here?”

“I’m tired, Gee.” Keith said simply. “Talking about it will only exhaust me all over again. Tired of thinking about it, tired of worrying about it. I just want to think about something else. Want my partners. Want the universe to leave me the hell alone.”

She pressed a kiss to the back of his neck, trying to give him comforting affection. “Of course, my poor, sweet thing. Pico’s on his way, I promise.” She paused, listening to the rain and the soft music still coming from Keith’s phone. “This is a pretty melody. How did you find this?”

“Autoplay.”

Cherry kept him close in his arms, worried over how little he was willing to speak. She hated the days his normal rowdiness and energy were dulled and depressed. She especially hated it when she couldn’t do anything about it. “I’m sorry I can’t help more. I love you so much.”

He offered her a smile that didn’t quite match his eyes, turning over to snuggle into her chest. “You do more than enough. Sometimes you just have to ride it out.”

The two fell into a silence again. Cherry did what she could; holding him close while they waited for Pico. Keith tried his best to only focus on his girlfriend’s comfort, but sometimes trying to keep a thought out of your head was impossible. Cherry’s heart broke all over again when she heard him sniffle and felt tears absorb into her dress. She silently hoped for Pico to hurry up when her eyes caught sight of the mirror on his desk. The Keith in the mirror wasn’t snuggled up against her- it was looking right at her. She opened her mouth, but the reflection quickly shook his head and put a hand to his lips.

Not now. Just wanted to make sure someone was here, since I couldn’t be when he asked.

The sound of Pico opening the door distracted her. When she blinked, the fake reflection was gone. Cherry really had to meet that version of Keith someday. The ginger appeared at the doorway with a grim expression, taking in the scene in front of him. Without a word, he and Cherry exchanged looks, and Pico quietly removed his shoes to get into the bed with them.

Keith took a deep breath, taking comfort in knowing both of his lovers were with him now. The thought that they may not always be there in the near future still nagged at him, but he fought to ignore that in favor of the two pairs of warm arms keeping him safe. It was enough, for now. 

The melody of the end of us continued, covering the three in its sound like an extra blanket. Suddenly, the song’s title and sound wasn’t so bad with company.