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Chapter Text

Preface: Some Notes on Continuity

Where this fits in Clannad: The events of this story occur following Kotomi's route in the visual novel. In other words, this Nagisa did not end up with Tomoya Okazaki and experience the events of After Story. In her own route, as well as in Fuko's and Koumura’s, she becomes sick and is unable to finish her third year with Tomoya and the others. This story assumes this happens after the events of Kotomi's route too. 

Where this fits in Katawa Shoujo: Katawa Shoujo takes place during the 2007-2008 school year. Nagisa was born in 1986 and is in her third senior year, so this story starts over a year before the events of the visual novel, during the 2006-2007 school year.  In other words, the heroines we know from KS are in their second year and Hisao Nakai is still in Chiba, blissfully unaware of his heart condition. The KS heroines aren’t the focus of this story, Nagisa and her fellow third-year students (OCs) are. However, you can expect to see them from time to time. Some more than others

Art by Beroki

This feels a lot like last year.

It's the first day of the school year and I'm standing at the bottom of a hill. My school is at the top.  And I'm having a hard time taking that first step.

I just ate dorayaki at a tea house. My parents took me there yesterday, and it was really tasty, so I went again this morning. It was worth walking down the hill, but now I'm not sure I want to go back up.

Sometimes, when I have to do something really scary, food is the only thing that motivates me. It gives me something to look forward to. When I woke up today, my first thought was that I wanted to get on a bus and go back home. But instead, I got ready for my first day in a scary new place and put on my new uniform. That’s why I deserved a reward.

I’m not sure how I feel about the new uniform. I wore my old one for four years and got very attached to it. I was very sad to leave it at home.

It feels strange to be wearing something so different. The forest green skirt is cute, and I like the bow, but the shoulders on the blouse are a little bulky. I think I’ll get used to it with time. Maybe by the time I graduate I'll be just as attached to this uniform.

This will be my third try at finishing my last year of high school. I get sick all the time. So sick that I can't do anything but stay in bed for months. So, I haven't been able to attend school enough to pass my exams.  That's why I’m 19 and I still haven't graduated high school. Even if all goes according to plan this year, I’ll be 20 by the time I graduate.

Last year, my second attempt at completing high school started off so much better than I could have hoped. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to make friends because all the people I knew had graduated. But then, I became part of a wonderful circle of friends. I loved them all. They even helped me create a club.

It all fell apart though. I got sick and couldn't finish the year. They all graduated and moved on while I was stuck in bed. And now I’m doing my third year. Again.

I miss all my friends, but Tomoya is the dearest to me of them all. So dear to me that I fell in love with him. About a year ago, at the bottom of a different hill, he gave me the push I needed to make the climb and go to school when I was really scared. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't have met any of my friends last year.

I clench my eyes shut and take a deep breath. I picture the boy who gave me that push.

Tomoya, I could use another push right about now…

I shake my head.

I can do this on my own. Tomoya gave me the push I needed. He helped me make friends and start the drama club. But I did a lot on my own too. I can do this on my own. It does make it easier though, knowing he would want me to do this.

“Dorayaki,” I whisper to myself as I take my first step. I have an extra one in my bag so that I can reward myself with another one for making it through the day. 

As I make my way up the hill, I wonder what they might have in the cafeteria later. At lunch today, I can pick out something they serve there as a reward. One that’s on campus.

After I got sick last year, my parents started looking into sending me to a different school. One for students whose medical issues make it harder for them to go to a regular school. One that would work with me to stay on track to graduate even if I got sick.

They found one. But unfortunately, it is very far from my hometown.

I have reached the top of the hill, and I'm standing in front of a large iron gate with red brick pillars on either side. It certainly looks fancier than my old school.

This isn’t just my new school. It's a boarding school. So, it's also my new home. Yamaku Academy.

I'm not sure what to make of it yet. I only moved here yesterday but I already really miss my parents and friends. I even miss my town. I’ve spent my whole life there and gotten pretty attached to it. I miss everything so much that I cried myself to sleep last night.

But my parents and friends think this place will be good for me. My dad even put aside his silly antics when convincing me to come here. He looked more serious than I had ever seen him. That's how I know this is important.

I go through the gate and look at the time. I'm supposed to check in with the head nurse in about five minutes. Around the clock medical care is one of the benefits of going here. Having medical care on campus is a big improvement. My hometown doesn't even have its own hospital. We had to go to the next town over.

Still, talking about my health with a stranger makes me uncomfortable.

I'm standing in front of the entrance to the auxiliary building now. The nurse’s office is inside.

I clench my eyes shut, whisper “Dorayaki,” and go through the door. 

A man in his early 30s greets me. He has purple hair, a lab coat, and a silly grin. He reminds me a little of my father in how he holds himself. It makes me feel a little more comfortable.

Nervously, I squeeze out the words, “H-hello, sir.…I have an appointment with…the n-nurse.”

The man's grin gets sillier, and he closes one eye. 

“That would be me. You must be Furukawa.”

I nod, “It is very n-nice to meet you, sir.”

“Come into my office, and we’ll talk.” 

I close my eyes for a moment, whisper, “Dorayaki,” and follow him.

“What was that?”

I feel my cheeks flush at being overheard, “N-nothing, sir.”

I follow him and sit across from his desk while he looks at the contents of a folder. His grin never leaves his face.

He looks up from the folder, “You have HIDS, is that correct?”

“Y-yes sir.”

For my whole life, doctors have said I was sickly and weak and prone to fever and that’s all there was to it. But after I got sick last year, Kotomi did everything she could to get to the bottom of my medical issues. I'm very lucky to have such a good friend. Especially one who is a genius.

After doing some research, she suggested that my doctors test me for a specific group of genetic conditions. I think she called them… ‘periodic fever syndromes.’ One of them came back positive. I was diagnosed with one called HIDS. Those letters stand for Hyperimmunoglobulin D Syndrome. I spent a lot of time memorizing that and learning to say it, but even doctors and nurses just call it HIDS.

As I understand it, having HIDS means the genes that deal with my immune system aren’t how they are supposed to be. They give bad instructions to my body, so I get flu-like symptoms even when I don't have any infection. 

The nurse gets out a stethoscope and approaches me. He listens to my heart, and then my breathing. Then he gets out an infrared thermometer. While he points it at my forehead he says, “How are you feeling today?”

“G-good. Just…nervous, sir.”

He nods and smiles., “That's understandable. It's a big day.” The thermometer beeps and he checks it. “You don't have a fever, that's good. Would you mind telling me how your HIDS presents?”

“Yes sir. I get sick for a long time with a high fever, and I get so tired I can't get out of bed. S-some nausea and aches and pains too, sir.”

He smiles, “You don't need to be so formal with me. I appreciate the respect, but I would prefer you to relax a bit.” He closes one eye and grins, “Plus, you calling me ‘sir’ is making me feel old.” 

I close my eyes tight out of embarrassment, “I-I’m sorry.”

I almost added a ‘sir’ but managed to stop myself.

He grins, “Not a big deal. So, how long are these episodes usually?”

I open my eyes, “At least a month…sometimes six.”

“How often do you have them?”

I sigh. “Once a year, usually.”

“Have you had an episode since you started your medication?”

There's no cure. After all, the problem is in my genes. They can't change those. At least not yet. Kotomi did say maybe someday, but not any time soon. 

But I am on a new medication that is supposed to make me sick less often and for shorter periods of time.

“No, I haven't.”

He nods, “Okay. You have your own thermometer, I’m guessing?”

“Y-yes si-...I mean, yes. I take my temperature e-every morning and night and keep a journal.”

He smiles, “That’s great. You’d be surprised how many students here are lax with their situation.”

“Oh…uh-uhm…I’m sure they have their reasons.”

He laughs, “It’s nice of you to support your new classmates when you haven't met them. They are lucky to have you. Anyway, you don’t need to come to see me unless you notice your temperature is starting to trend upwards.”

“U-um…what will h-happen…?”

“Happen?”

“I-if…I get sick.”

“Well, you should come see me and I'll check you out.” He winks. “I mean that in a medical sense of course.” He pauses for a moment with a grin on his face. 

It takes me a moment to get his joke. When I do I blush and look down at my hands.

He is more like my dad than I thought.

He chuckles and continues, “We'll start you on steroids and anti-fever medication, which along with your daily meds will hopefully ease your symptoms and shorten your episode.”

“Th-thank you for having it all planned. That is a relief.”

He laughs, “Of course, it's my job.”

“The teachers here will…understand if I get sick?”

He nods, “You would be excused from classes until you get better. Hopefully, with your new medication, it won't cause you problems for long. But the teachers here know how to be flexible. They'll work with you and do everything they can to help you keep up.”

I feel some tension leave my body, “Okay. Thank you so much, sir.” I sigh, “S-sorry, I forgot.”

He chuckles, “No problem, Furukawa. Have a good first day.”

I thank him again and leave the auxiliary building. I take a deep breath. That wasn't too bad. He was nice. It is a relief knowing that I have him to turn to if I get sick.

…WHEN I get sick.

Now I need to find my classroom. I hate this part. Everyone else in this class has been here together for the first two years. I feel out of place. Like an outsider. But I felt that way last year and things worked out okay.

As I walk towards the school building, I recite my mantra. This time in my head. I don't want someone to overhear me again.

Dorayaki. Dorayaki. Dorayaki.

There are other students around, but none of them try to talk to me. That's usually how it goes when you're the new girl. I think I would be embarrassed and awkward if they tried, anyway.

Just outside of my classroom, there's a large bulletin board with a sign that says, “Clubs.” I feel myself smile as I look at all the flyers. They are all very well made. More professional than my flier last year. Not as cute, though. No one used the Great Dango Family as a mascot.

It looks like they have a lot of clubs here. I thought maybe there would be fewer since the health of students might get in the way of club activities. I can see I was wrong.

As I look over the flyers, I see that there's track, astronomy, band, chorus, newspaper, art, soccer and more. My eyes linger on one flier in particular – Drama club.

I get out my notebook and excitedly write down the room number and time for the informational meeting. It's one week from today at 4:30 in the performing arts center auditorium. 

The bell rings, and I hastily finish writing and go into my classroom. When I do, I find that there isn't anywhere for me to sit. The room is filled to the brim with students, and there's not an available desk. Now everyone is looking at me as I stand near the doorway, unsure what to do. The teacher isn't here yet. I feel my face turning red.

Dorayaki.

My voice cracks when I say, “Excuse me…d-does anyone know where I can…sit?”

I hear a male voice say, “Yeah. For you, my lap is available.” Several other students chuckle with him.

I clench my eyes shut in embarrassment, and then a girl aggressively says, “Shut up Ichiro. I don't want her first impression of our class to be you.” I open my eyes in time to see Ichiro recoil and the class go quiet.

The owner of the voice stands up from her front row seat and approaches me with a smile and a comforting voice that sounds very different from the one she just used. “Hi, I'm Akane. I'm the class rep. Let's go find you a desk.”

I nod, thankful for her help, and follow her into the hall.

“What's your name?”

“Nagisa.”

“Well, Nagisa. Welcome to Yamaku, and class 3-1. Sorry about Ichiro. He's the worst, and he didn't waste any time in making sure you know that.” She sighs, “I apologize for not having a desk ready for you. Our homeroom teacher isn’t exactly on top of things. I was supposed to have our class roster a week ago, but I still don’t have it. So, I didn’t know about you.”

She has an accent I don’t recognize. I understand everything she is saying, but I’ve also never heard anyone talk quite how she does. Almost every word sounds a little off, but it’s hard to put my finger on. I wonder where she’s from.

“I-it's okay. Thank you, Class Rep.”

Akane is a tall girl who has dark shoulder length hair, with fringes that cover her forehead. She wears black rimmed glasses and has brown eyes behind them. She has a commanding air about her, but somehow also feels very friendly.  She reminds me a little of my friend Kyou from back home, who was also a class rep.

I follow her to a door that says, “Maintenance Staff.” She knocks on the door, and it is opened by a smiling man in his 40s with long dark hair he wears in a ponytail. He has a goatee that is starting to gray.

Akane says, “Mr. Kobayashi, can you please bring a desk to class 3-1? We are one short.”

He nods, “Sure thing.” He leaves his office and walks towards the stairs.

Akane turns around and heads back towards the classroom, and I follow her.

She continues, “I bet it's hard showing up here in your third year. We don't get a whole lot of transfer students. All the classes here are the same all three years, so everyone knows everyone.”

“I-it is a little hard.”

She smiles at me, “Just watch out for the guys, okay? Especially Ichiro. You're new. I have a feeling that means they will be extra interested.”

I stop walking and say, “W-why?”

Akane stops too and says, “Our class is 70% boys. And…you're a new girl. The first new girl since our first year, and you're pretty.”

I feel my face flush so I look down, “N-no…I'm not…”

Akane laughs, “Well, you're apparently pretty and modest. Just watch out for them, okay?” She studies me for a moment while tapping her finger on her chin. “I'm worried about you. You seem…defenseless. Why don't you come to lunch with me and my friends today? I can guarantee one of those guys is going to try to get you to eat with them, so you'll be able to say no.”

I nod, “O-okay…thank you.”

…

“Hey, Nagisa, was it? Why don't you come to lunch with me, I'll show you around campus. Help you get used to things. Show you how stuff works around here.”

Morning classes just ended, and as Akane predicted, a boy is trying to get me to go to lunch with him. It's the same boy who embarrassed me earlier. Ichiro, I think his name was. He's tall, with an athletic build. He has dark spiky hair and brown eyes. He has a cane, but one that he leans his elbow on, instead of one he holds.

“O-okay.”

From my side I hear Akane say, “Actually, she's going to lunch with me, Ichiro. Run along.” She points to the door.

He scoffs, “She said ‘okay!’ Butt out for once!”

I frown, “I-I'm sorry, I did tell her I would go to lunch with her first.”

Akane crosses her arms and pulls out her stern voice again. “See? Like I said, run along.”

Ichiro scoffs again and leaves the classroom.

Akane and I leave the classroom together. She sounds frustrated when she says, “Why were you going to go with him? Didn't I warn you? About him specifically?”

“I-I'm sorry. I'm not good at saying no. I get flustered and…I just…want people to be happy. And it seemed like he was being nice. So, I was going to do what he asked.”

He also reminds me a little of Tomoya. It's the attitude and spiky hair, I think. But it's too embarrassing to tell her that.

She stops walking and turns to look at me with a bemused grin. “You…really are defenseless, aren't you?”

“N-no. I…I don’t think so…"

“Look, Nagisa, I don't know how it was at your old school, but some of the guys here are only after one thing.” She pauses for a moment and studies me. “You…know what I mean when I say that, right?”

I nod.

“So…just be careful. If you go around doing what some guy asks you just to make him happy…well….”

I feel tears of embarrassment welling up inside me again.  I clench my eyes shut to close them in.  Then I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder. And I hear a gentle voice.

“I’m so sorry, Nagisa. I didn't mean to embarrass you. I shouldn’t be teasing you. I don't know you well enough for that."

I open my eyes and see her gentle smile, which makes me feel better. “N-no…I’m sorry. I’m just…a crybaby. It's worse than normal right now. I’m…having a hard time, I-I'm sorry.”

She smiles and squeezes my shoulder, “You don't have to apologize when you're the one who is upset, okay?”

I nod and smile back.

“You let me know if I can do anything to help you adjust, okay? It's kind of my job as class rep.”

I smile back, “Thank you. You're already helping. You're a very good class rep.”

…

We go through the cafeteria line, and I am very happy to see that it is far more relaxed here than it was at my old school. There is plenty of food and it isn't insanely crowded. They have a pork cutlet sandwich too, one of my main rewards from back home. I can mix it in with dorayaki now.

Now Akane and I are standing in front of a table with two other girls. She puts her tray down and uses animated gestures when she says, “Hey, you two. This is Nagisa. She's a third-year transfer student.” She looks at me while she continues to move her hands as she speaks, “Usually we have a fourth, but she's out sick today.”

One of the seated girls, a pretty blond with blue eyes, gives me a warm, welcoming smile. It makes me smile back. “Hello Nagisa, I'm Lilly, it's lovely to meet you.” She pats on the seat next to her and moves an object next to her that I don't recognize. It looks like metal sticks bundled together, “Would you like to have a seat next to me?”

“Um…y-yes. Thank you very much.” I take a seat next to Lilly, who I notice is much taller than I am. I always feel small, but next to her I really feel it. It would be generous to say that my head goes up to her shoulder.

Akane sits down next to a girl with short blue hair and glasses, and they start gesturing to each other. 

Akane says, “Shizune says hi.”

Oh. That was sign language a minute ago. 

I smile at Shizune and say, “Hi. It's very nice to m-meet you. It means a lot to me that you are all so welcoming. Thank y-you all very much for your kindness and generosity.”

Akane moves her hands as I’m speaking. I know she must be translating, but it's a bit distracting. It will take some getting used to.  Shizune smiles and nods to me.

Lilly says, “My, you’re a polite one, aren't you?”

“U-um…am I?”

Lilly giggles, “You are. I think it's a good thing. People tease me for being too polite, though. So perhaps I’m not the best judge.”

As Lilly turns to speak to me, I notice she is looking over my head when she does. I also notice now that her blue eyes are very cloudy. She also moves her hands slowly and delicately to find her cup before taking a drink from it. 

She's blind. 

Akane laughs. “Shizune says it doesn't sound as pompous coming from Nagisa.”

Lilly clicks her tongue and pouts, “See, Nagisa? Even my own very dear cousin teases me.”

This makes me giggle, “My family teases me a lot too. It must be nice being here with each other. I…miss my family quite a lot. Even the teasing.”

Lilly laughs softly, “There are certainly pros and cons.”

Akane laughs, “That's exactly what Shizune said. You two sure are alike for people who butt heads all the time.”

The two cousins look annoyed by Akane's assessment. Which I think might prove her point.

“Are you both third years too?”

Lilly shakes her head. “We are in our second year. But we're class reps too, that's how we first met Akane.”

I smile, “Wow. You're all…so dedicated to the school. That's very impressive.”

Lilly and Akane laugh while Shizune looks at me like I’m some sort of animal she’s never seen before.

Akane says, “Wait, wait, wait…you're serious, aren't you? Most people around here who said those words would be mocking us. But you aren't.”

I shake my head. “You're all working hard to help students, and the school. I really think that's wonderful.”

Akane and Shizune exchange a look and Lilly says, “Thank you, Nagisa. I'm glad you view it that way.”

Akane laughs at something Shizune signs and brushes her hair back behind her ear. Only now do I notice that she has a hearing aid. It isn’t like the ones I’ve seen before, though. It has two pieces. One behind her ear, and one a ways above her ear and attached to her scalp. When she turns to look at me and Lilly, now that I know what to look for, I see she also has one on her other ear. They are both black like her rather thick hair, so I didn't notice them at first.

 “Again, Shizune said the same thing.”

Lilly sighs, “Well, that's not surprising in this case. I think we all appreciate someone as earnest as Nagisa. We don't get much praise.”

Shizune signs something to Akane, who sighs and says, “She wants to know if you’ll join student council. Lilly and Shizune are both in it. So is our friend who isn’t here today.”

“Wh-what? No. I would…just get in the way. But…I think it's great that you do that.”

Akane relays Shizune's message “Let me know if you change your mind.”

Akane rolls her eyes at something else Shizune signs. “You should make sure you're in some club. Don't be lazy like so many students around here.” Akane sighs. “Her words, not mine. Clubs aren't for everyone. I’m not in a club, for example. Class rep responsibilities and tutoring is enough for me. And yet, she’s still calling me lazy.”

Lilly says, “Surely, she wouldn’t include you, Akane. Your work as a tutor is just as demanding as any club, if not more so.”

Shizune signs something and Akane says, “Yep, she is. She says don’t end up like me. Join a club.” She punctuates the sentence with another eye roll.

 “Oh, I love clubs. I think students working together towards a common goal is…just wonderful.”

Shizune’s eyebrows shoot up and she starts moving her hands the fastest I’ve seen so far.  Akane laughs, “She wants to know if those of us who can hear you are really sure you aren't making fun of us. She thinks your face looks serious but is wondering about your tone.” She flashes me a smile as she continues to sign, “I’m telling her you’re serious.”

Lilly puts a hand to her mouth and laughs softly. “I was going to ask about her facial expression, I thought I might be missing something too.”

I frown and look down at the table. “Why do you all keep thinking I’m being mean?”

Akane chuckles, “You're just so sweet. I guess we must not have a lot of that around here. But you're right, we should have known you were serious from earlier. What club are you going to join?”

“Drama. That's the club I was in at my old school.”

Lilly says, “Ah, I think that is a very small club. They will be happy to have you.”

I smile, “I had to start it with some friends at my old school because people lost interest. I’m g-glad there’s a club here, even if it's small.”

Shizune signs something to Akane, who sighs. That seems to be a common response to things Shizune signs.  “She says if you started a club, you have what it takes to be on the student council.”

I look down, feeling embarrassed. 

I made myself sound more impressive than I am.

“Oh…w-well I had the help of…many friends. And we still never put on a play or anything…not…after I got sick.”

Akane says, “That stinks. Hopefully you can do a play here.”

I look up and smile, “Yes. I hope so.”

I just hope I can stay healthy for long enough.

…

I return to my dorm room for the evening feeling drained because of all the stress of the first day at my new school.

I sit on my bed and snuggle my dango plush.

The day went better than my first day last year. I made it up the hill without anyone having to help and I was able to talk to people on my own. I even made a few friends, I think. It’s sort of nice knowing that girls like Lilly, Shizune and Akane can relate to having their health get in the way sometimes. As much as I love my friends back home, none of them could really relate to that. 

I do wonder what all my friends from back home are doing right now. Of course, none of them are there anymore. The girls all went to university, Sunohara went back home to find a job, and Tomoya's going to cram school to get into a university in Tokyo. He and Kotomi are living together. I think they will be engaged very soon from the way they both talk. They’re young but…so right for each other. 

It's a good thing Kotomi straightened him out and made him want to go to university. I'm not sure what he would have done otherwise. He was so lost when I met him.

Lost like I was. Like I still am.

I squeeze the dango plush tight.

I would never have been able to do that for him. It's good they ended up together. She had such a hard childhood. And he was her long-lost childhood friend, so she has known him longer. And she’s better for him. And beautiful. And so smart. And a wonderful person. She deserves him more than I do.

But…I wish I could stop thinking about him. I would love this dango no matter what. It’s the cutest thing in the world and my friends bought it for me together when I got sick. But when I found out it was his idea to get it for me, I loved it even more.

I squeeze it a little tighter.

I look at the cell phone sitting on my desk. It has everyone's numbers in it. They made sure to put them in. Maybe I should call him.

I shake my head at my silly thoughts. He has a girlfriend. I shouldn’t be calling him, I don't think. Especially not when I feel this way about him. It wouldn't be right. Maybe I should set up a call with both of them. That might be okay.

I sigh and shake my head at myself again.

He's probably not even thinking about me. Why would he? I'm just the awkward crybaby he was friends with.

I nod to myself, feeling resolved.

I should do my best to stop thinking about him too.

Chapter Text

I am joining Akane for lunch today. I have the past several days too. It has been the highlight of each day, getting to know her and my other schoolmates a little bit better.

When we enter the cafeteria my eyes and ears are immediately drawn to the table where Shizune and Lilly are already sitting. This is because there is someone new there. And she's very loud.

“Wahaha!~ Was Shicchan mad at you, Lilly?”

While we’re in line Akane notices me looking over towards the table and says, “That would be Misha. The one who was sick the last couple days. She's still not 100% healthy but…you wouldn't know it from her voice. She can be…loud and a little annoying sometimes…but she grows on you.”

I smile, “I-I’m sure she’s nice.”

Akane smiles back, “She is. One of the nicest people I know, actually. But I know you’re a little timid and she’s…the opposite of that, so I’m warning you.”

I nod, “Th-thank you. I’ll be okay.”

We get our food and walk over to the table.

Once we are closer, I see Misha more clearly. She has messy waist-length light brown hair and brown eyes and she’s wearing such a big smile that it makes me smile too. I also notice that like Akane, she knows sign language and is relaying information between the two cousins.

They have no way to talk when they are alone. I hadn't thought of that. That must be hard as family.

When we get to the table, I take a seat next to Lilly again, while Akane sits next to Misha. When I sit down, Misha loudly says, “Hi Nagisa! I’m Misha! Sorry I missed you yesterday, but Akane told me aaaallll about you!” She gives Akane's shoulder a squeeze.

“I-it's nice to meet you. You are a second year too?”

“That’s right! Do I look older? Wahaha~!”

Confused by her loud and out of place laughter I look at Akane, who gives me an embarrassed shrug and smile.

Shizune signs something and Misha says, “Shicchan says I need to introduce myself better. She wants me to also tell you that I also have class with her and I’m her…her…interpreter? and…” Misha looks confused, then she signs to Shizune and says, “That last part was too fast, Shicchan! I'm still sick! Slow down!”

Akane finishes for her, “And you’re in student council with them too.”

Misha smiles, “Thanks Akane!” She pats Akane on the back and smiles at me. “She's my sign senpai! I wasn't very good when I got here last year, but I’ve gotten so much better thanks to her helping me after class! Good enough to interpret for Shicchan. I’ll be just as good as she is, soon~!”

She still has this much energy when she’s sick? Maybe if she had HIDS she wouldn't even notice.

Akane laughs, “I’m just glad that you’re good enough now that I don’t have to go to student council meetings.”

Shizune sighs and signs something to Akane, who sighs in response. “She says I should have just joined.” She signs to Shizune and says, “You have a one-track mind, you know that?”

Lilly laughs softly, “That passion for student council is one of my dear cousin’s strong points. And…one of her weak points too.”

Misha relays the information to Shizune, who starts to glower and move her hands furiously, to which Misha replies “Wha? Shicchan, that’s too mean.”

Shizune glares at Misha, who relays Shizune’s words in a half-hearted voice, “Your weak point is that you don’t care enough about student council. And it’s such a big weak point it outweighs your strong points.”

Lilly sighs, “Yes, we are of different minds about this.” She shrugs and looks toward Shizune, “I can’t be too upset with you. I was rude first. I apologize, Shizune.”

Shizune hesitates for a moment and then sighs and signs to Misha who says, “I'm sorry too.”

I start to feel very awkward in the middle of this tense conversation between three student council members, two of whom are related. Luckily, it seems Akane has picked up on that and she steers the conversation elsewhere.

“So Nagisa, how are you feeling a few days into Yamaku?”

“U-um…I like it. I’m still getting used to…not being at home. But people have been nice and welcoming. Like all of you. I d-don’t feel like too much of an outsider.”

Lilly smiles at me, “Well, you’re a very sweet girl. It’s hard not to be welcoming.”

Even though she must be 3 years younger than me, somehow she feels like a big sister.

“Thank you.” I turn to Akane, “So, you tutor sign l-language?”

She nods, “It’s my mother tongue. So I don't need classes. But I want to teach sign language, so I convinced the instructor here to let me help out my first year, and I've kept at it.”

Misha puts an arm around her and hugs her so close their cheeks are touching, “And she's great at it!”

Akane blushes, “Um…th-thanks, Misha. But can you…let me go? This is…embarrassing. A-and I don't want to get sick.”

Misha laughs loudly and lets her go, “Sorry, sorry! I'm just really thankful for you. You have me thinking I want to be a teacher too, you know.”

Akane laughs but looks more than a little flustered, “I know. Actually, you want to teach too, right Lilly?”

Lilly nods, “Yes. I love English, so I’d like to teach it.” She looks towards me, "As with Akane, I want to teach my mother tongue. Well, one of them. I have one Japanese parent and one Scottish parent, so I learned both at the same time.”

“Wow, that's really amazing! My English is…awful.”

Lilly smiles, “Well, come exam time I may be able to help you a bit.”

“Thank you. I might need it.”

“Shicchan says she wants to be a businesswoman and…and…” She squints for a moment and looks like she’s thinking hard, while Shizune repeats the same hand motion more slowly. Misha sighs and turns to Akane, “Sorry to ask for help again…I'm really off my game today. Brain feels fuzzy.”

Akane pats her on the shoulder, “Philanthropist. Not the most common word, no big deal. Especially when you're sick.”

Misha’s dejected face turns into a big smile, “Thanks!”

Akane relays a message from Shizune “She wants to know what you want to do when you graduate. I think we’re all interested, actually.”

The other two girls nod.

I frown and look down at my food, feeling embarrassed in front of these more accomplished people who are already planning their futures despite being so much younger than me.

I quietly say, “Um…I…don’t really know. J-just graduating has been hard for me. My health has made it…h-hard. So I haven't thought thought that f-far ahead.”

I feel a comforting hand on my back. I look up and see Lilly's warm smile, “You have plenty of time.”

“Thank you, Lilly.”

Akane nods and gives me her own warm smile, “She's right. Maybe if you like drama club this year, you'll do something related to that.”

I force a smile, “Yeah, maybe.”

If I can make it through this year without getting sick for months on end.

I'm at the informational meeting for drama club. So far…I'm the only one here, and it's 5 minutes past the scheduled time. I'm starting to wonder whether I will have to start drama club here too.

Just as I'm about to give up, I hear the doors to the auditorium open.

I hear a boy say in a disappointed voice, “Only one?”

I hear a girl say, “Well…at least it's a girl. I won't be outnumbered anymore if she joins.”

I start to feel very nervous so I clench my eyes shut and whisper, “Dorayaki.”

Then, I stand up and turn to smile at the sources of these voices. I see two boys and a girl. The girl is walking arm-in-arm with one of the boys. They must be a couple.

I recognize the other boy as one of my classmates. He would be difficult to forget.

He's the largest person I've ever seen. He's so tall he has to duck under door frames and his shoulders are so broad that I think it would take five or six of me to match his width. In class, he has a special desk.

He has short, dark, curly hair and brown eyes, and a large square jaw. His appearance was a little intimidating at first, but even a week into class I’ve seen enough of him to know he's just a regular student who happens to be really big. He even seems nicer than most people. He also happens to be the best student in our class, even better than Akane. They have a little bit of a rivalry. But it's kind of one-sided according to her.

He has a slight limp and he uses a cane, one that goes up to my shoulder.

When they get close,he recognizes me too. In a booming, deep voice he says, “Oh, hi. Nagisa, right?”

I nod, “Yes. You're…Daiki?”

He smiles and nods and looks at his fellow club members, “ This is Nagisa. She’s a third-year transfer student.” Then he looks at me and points at them with his cane, “These are my friends Ken and Chiyo. We're…the drama club.”

Chiyo laughs, “Sorry if you were expecting something more. We just started last year, so we're small. We’re both third years, too.”

Chiyo might be the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen in person. If she weren't wearing the same uniform as me, I would think she was a celebrity. She's a tall girl with green eyes and chestnut-colored hair that she wears in braided twintails. Her delicate facial features and very feminine curves have me feeling a little jealous. Especially because we have the same outfit on. On her, it somehow looks glamorous. On me, it's just a school uniform.

The next thing I notice about her is that her nails are painted a very very vibrant red color, and they also seem to have some sort of design on them.

I smile, “I'm very happy there is a drama club. It doesn't matter how many members there are.”

Ken says, “Well…since it's just you, we can probably skip the really formal part and just have a chat. Let's take a seat together.”

Ken's a tall boy, though you wouldn't be able to tell next to Daiki. He has short black hair and dark glasses on. Now that he's closer, I think he must be blind. Like Lilly did when we first met, he is looking clear over my head when he speaks to me.

Daiki sighs and says, “…I'll sit on the stage.”

I am frustrated about being small sometimes and wish I was bigger. Before meeting Daiki, I had never stopped to think that being really big has some serious downsides. He doesn't even fit in these chairs.

Ken nods, “Right. And we'll sit in the front row. I'm good from here, Chiyo.”

“O-oh! Right.” She lets out a squeaky laugh. “Sorry, Ken.” She lets go of him and he takes a seat. I notice her face has turned red.

The two of them leave a space between them, so I end up sitting between Ken and Chiyo. Daiki is seated right across from me on the stage.

Ken says, “I'm technically the club president, so I suppose I'll lead. We're the drama club. We aim to put on one play each year. We’ll do one at the end of this trimester. That's…pretty much it.”

Chiyo laughs, “It really is it, isn't it? Doesn't sound very impressive when you put it like that.”

“It is impressive! Students working together toward a common goal is…beautiful. And doing a play as students i-is just…amazing!”

Chiyo scoffs, glares at me and crosses her arms, “Did you seriously just come here to make fun of us? You seriously didn't have something better to do?! You're pathetic. Get out of here and stop wasting our time.”

I look down and close my eyes to avoid her glare. And to hold in the tears that I can feel coming.

I wanted to join the drama club. But they don't want me. They think I'm being mean. How did I mess this up so badly?

Daiki quickly says, “Chiyo - she's serious. From what I've seen in class, this is real. She isn’t mocking us.”

Chiyo responds, “What? Seriously?”

He sighs, “Yes, seriously. It's okay Nagisa, we know you aren't making fun of us. Right, Chiyo?”

Daiki's words make me feel a little better. I open my eyes in time to see Chiyo uncross her arms and looking at me apologetically. She pats my shoulder. “Oh…I'm…really sorry for misunderstanding. So you…really like plays that much?”

I nod and look down at my hands while I fidget, “E-everyone at Yamaku keeps thinking I’m m-making fun of them. I’m sorry if it sounded that way. I d-didn't want to make you feel bad.”

Chiyo waves her arms, “No, no, no. You did nothing wrong. We’re just…jaded, pessimistic people. It's on us, okay?”

Ken laughs, “Us, huh? I only seem to remember one of us jumping to a harsh conclusion.”

She groans, “Fine. Me. It’s on me. I'm very sorry, Nagisa. I was a total bitch. Please don't go because of me. I want you to stay.”

She gives me a really warm smile, and it makes me feel a lot better. I smile back.

“I-I'll stay.”

She squeezes my shoulder, “Good.”

Ken says, “Well…now that that's out of the way…Have you acted before, Nagisa?”

“No.”

“What experience do you have with plays?”

I frown, “…none, really. I was in the drama club at my old school…but, I got sick and never did a play.”

Ken responds, “Oh. Well that's okay. We'll teach you, that's what clubs are about, after all.”

I smile, “So you three have experience?”

Chiyo nods, “We did a play together last year and we did most of it on our own. Our advisor isn't really the hands-on type.”

Ken laughs, “As you can see, he isn't even here today. We were late because we were waiting for him, but we gave up.”

Daiki laughs, “Don't worry. She knows how he is, he's our homeroom teacher, after all. He didn't even make sure our classroom had a desk for her on our first day.”

I smile, “Oh. I didn't know he was the adviser.”

Ken chuckles, “I don't know if he knows.”

“Yes, he's a bit forgetful. B-but very nice.”

Chiyo chuckles, “Wow, you really are sweet if you're defending him.”

I shrug, “I like him. So…when you did a play last year, what did each of you do?”

Chiyo says, “I acted. I also designed and made the costumes.”

Ken says, “I acted and helped Daiki with the set, sound and props.”

Daiki adds, “I directed and did all the other technical stuff, like lighting and set design.”

They actually know what they are doing! They are a REAL drama club! We'll actually do a play!

If I can stay healthy.

I smile, “That's…really wonderful. I don't know i-if I can be of help but…I hope I can contribute. I want to do a play with all of you. I want to join drama club.”

Chiyo smiles and says, “Welcome aboard!” while the two boys smile. They really seem glad to have me. I hope I don't let them down.

Class just got out for lunch. As I'm packing up my things, I notice there's a shadow over me and my desk. I look up and see the source of that shadow, and smile at him. Daiki smiles back and asks, “Do you want to come to lunch with me and the other drama club members?”

I look at Akane, who smiles and gives me a thumbs up. She's saying it's okay in this case for me to say ‘yes’ to this boy's request. I feel a little bad not going to lunch with Akane and her friends who have been so welcoming, but since she approves, I guess I shouldn't. Lilly, Misha, and Shizune have all been very nice to me, but going to lunch with my club does sound appealing. Shizune would approve of me becoming more involved in a club, too.

I look up at Daiki and smile, “Yeah, sure.”

Daiki ducks under the door frame as we exit, making me realize what a funny-looking pair we make. I can't even get close to touching the top of the door frame with an outstretched hand. But he has to watch his head.

We head to the cafeteria, where I notice Daiki doesn't get a tray. With his cane, I guess that would be hard.

“Do you need help?”

He bends down and says, “Sorry, I didn't hear you. It's loud in here.”

Yeah, and your ear is really far from my mouth.

“Y-you didn't get a tray, so I thought you might need help.”

He laughs, “I can get a tray on my own.” He grabs one and easily balances it on his hand with his palm facing up. It's so large that it's plenty stable when he holds it like that. He puts the tray back and says, “We're going to the club room in the performing arts center, so we can't bring trays.”

I nod and grab curry bread and melon bread. I haven't tried them here so far, but I liked them at my old school. After we make our selections, Daiki and I walk to the performing arts center. We chat on the way there.

“How are you liking it here?”

“I like it. I really miss my parents and some friends back home…but apart from that, it's great. People have been really nice to me.”

“That's good. I have really liked it here myself. But…I can imagine coming in for your third year being…daunting.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well…first everyone here already knows each other and stuff like that. But, being around so many others with disabilities and medical problems for the first time can be overwhelming. It kind of was for me my first year.”

“I've…kind of liked it.”

He looks at me with a raised eyebrow, “Liked it?”

“W-well…maybe that's not the right way to put it. I have people I love back home. But…no matter how much my parents or friends care about me, they've…never really understood what it's like to have health issues.”

Daiki nods, “Well, that's certainly something we understand here.”

We go into the performing arts building and stop in front of a door that says, ‘Costume Shop,’ in fading, peeling letters. Daiki opens the door and says, “After you.”

I thank him and enter, and find a very big rectangular room filled with racks of dusty old clothing and costumes. There are also run down sewing machines and lots of old wardrobes and trunks. This isn't what I expected to see. It's kind of amazing.

I find myself drawn to one clothing rack in particular, which has several sparkly dresses with sequins. One of them has stripes of gold, silver, and red sequins. I find myself oddly captivated by It.

“Those are something else, aren't they?”

I'm so startled by the question I drop my bread. I was so distracted I sort of forgot I wasn't alone.

Chiyo laughs, “Sorry. I guess you were in the zone, huh?”

She bends down and picks up my melon bread at her feet, while I get the curry bread.

“Yeah. I got distracted, s-sorry.” I notice now that Ken is here too. He and Daiki are sitting around a table in one of the few places in the room that isn't filled up by clothing racks and other stuff. Daiki is watching us with a bemused expression. Even though he can't see us, Ken is making a similar face. I think he is observing us in his own way.

I take a moment to truly take in the massive quantity of costumes in the room and then say, “This is an amazing club room.”

Ken laughs, “If you like dusty old junk.”

Chiyo clicks her tongue at him, “I agree with Nagisa. This place is neat. I've spent countless hours here and I still haven't seen everything.”

Chiyo and I sit down with the boys. Only now do I see that Daiki is sitting on a very big chair. It is gold with countless fake gemstones, and it has huge arm rests. I try and fail to suppress a laugh.

He smirks, “Ridiculous, isn't it? But it's one of the few chairs at Yamaku I can sit in. It's probably a throne from an old play, but I was pretty happy when I found it.”

I smile, “I'm glad you found it too.” I sit down in a regular chair and kick my legs, which don't quite touch the ground. “I have the opposite problem.”

Daiki laughs, “I suppose you do.”

As I eat my bread I think about the room I'm in and realize I have some questions.

I must have looked curious, because Chiyo taps Ken on the shoulder and says, “Explain this room to Nagisa.”

He nods, “As you can see, drama used to be a much larger club. Kind of like band. With dozens of members and regular performances throughout the year.”

“What happened?”

“We’re not entirely sure. But by about 10 years ago it was defunct. We found that all out when we started the club again last year and then our advisor showed us this room. We found some stuff that told us a little about it in here, but not much.”

I nod, “At my old school…the drama club was defunct too. My friends and I brought it back last year. My advisor there said…young people just aren't interested in plays anymore.”

Ken laughs, “Given the attendance at our performance last year…your old advisor knows what he's talking about.”

Chiyo slaps his arm, “Don't scare her away!”

He scoffs, “This coming from the girl who tore her head off within a minute of meeting her?”

Chiyo pouts, “D-don't bring that up! I'm trying to forget how awful of a person I was. I was up all night cringing at myself.”

Daiki laughs, “We all were.”

I laugh softly, “I-it's okay Chiyo. It was just a misunderstanding. You d-don't need to lose sleep about it.”

She smiles at me, “You're comforting me after I was awful to you? Are you like…the sweetest person ever?”

“I…I d-don’t think so.”

“Hmm…Yeah, the sweetest person ever probably wouldn't say they were the sweetest person ever.”

Ken clears his throat, “Can we…maybe get back on track, Chiyo? We were talking about the meager attendance at the play, remember?”

I nod, “H-how many came to your play?”

“Maybe 20 people? About 19 of which were faculty, staff, or our families. So, not a whole lot of young people. It's like your adviser said, not many of them are interested in plays.”

“Well, that's still an audience.”

Chiyo nods, “That's right. Don't mind Ken, he's gotta be the most pessimistic club president in the history of Yamaku.”

He scoffs at her, “I'm just a realist.”

Chiyo giggles and pokes Ken's arm, “I think that's on page 5 of the pessimist script. You know it so well you’re off-book.”

He laughs at her, “Fine, fine. I'm a little too negative. I should do better with new blood in the mix.”

I'm at my first official club meeting, in the same room where we have lunch.

Ken says, “It would be nice if we could pick out a play by the end of the month. Any ideas?”

Chiyo says, “Well…how many willing actors do we have?”

I wait for someone to respond. But then I realize that my three clubmates are looking at me expectantly. They already know who is and isn't acting except for me.

Dorayaki.

“U-um…I'm willing to act if it will help. I d-don't have any experience though. I don't want to hold you back. O-or…ruin the performance. So maybe I should stay off the stage?”

Chiyo waves her hand at me, “If you’re willing, we’ll use you. The only way to get that experience is…well, to get experience.”

“O-okay…I'll do it. If you two help me learn.”

Ken and Chiyo both nod.

Daiki says, “So…three actors, then. We should look for plays with three roles. We could have someone play multiple roles, but that’s pushing it.”

I look at Daiki, “You don't want to act?”

“Well, we need one person who isn’t anyway, for the tech stuff. And…there aren't a lot of roles that work for me anyway.” He laughs. “Maybe if we do Beauty and the Beast. I can turn into Ken at the end.”

Chiyo and Ken laugh, but I don't. I don’t like how he's talking about himself. He's not a beast.

“I-if you want to act, you should. I can learn the other stuff.”

He smiles, “Really, Nagisa, I'm more interested in the offstage stuff anyway. Thank you, though.”

Ken says, “Should we stick to one act plays again?”

Daiki nods, “Those are the most feasible for our little group and non-existant budget.”

Ken says, “So…I guess we should do some research. Why don't we meet in a week, after looking into some potential plays? We can each pitch one we really like.”

Class just got out for the day, and I'm heading to the library to find some one act plays. When I arrive there, the place looks empty. Even the circulation desk looks unoccupied.

I walk up to it, thinking that someone might see me and come help me once they do. My plan pays off.

I hear “J-just a minute!” from behind me, just before I hear a grunt, followed by several thuds. I turn around and see a red-haired woman sprawled out on her back with books all around her. She lets out a pained moan.

“Ow…”

I rush over to her and kneel down, and pick up her glasses which must have fallen off during her fall. “Are you okay? Here are your glasses.”

She reaches out for them and puts them on,and then sits up, “I…think so. How clumsy of me. I'm sorry.”

People tell me I apologize too much. Is that what I sound like? Would I apologize for falling down?

Probably.

I smile at her, “Y-you don't need to apologize, ma'am. Let me help you.”

As we pick up the books and carry them to the front desk, I realize there are so many that if she carried them on her own, she probably couldn't see over them. No wonder she fell.

She smiles at me, “Thank you. You're very kind. I'm Yuuko, by the way. The librarian.”

Now that she’s standing and wearing her glasses, I recognize her.

“Oh! You work at the Shanghai too, don't you?”

She looks at me for a moment and then smiles, “Yes, you're the dorayaki girl, right?”

I blush at her name for me, “R-right. My name's Nagisa. I'm a third-year transfer student.”

She nods, “Nice to meet you. Can I help you find something?”

“Yes, ma'am. I'm looking for plays. I'm in drama club and want to do some research.”

I feel far too proud at being able to say I'm in drama club. I think I may have even puffed out my chest when I said it.

She nods and points, “You can find plays in that middle row, where the bean bag chairs are.”

I thank her and walk to the general area where I was directed, but I haven't seen any plays.

I notice the bean bags look pretty comfy. This looks like a nice place to read. There is a girl with beautiful long dark hair taking advantage of one of them. The moment I notice her she silently points to the shelf in front of her beanbag.

She must have overheard the conversation with Yuuko.

“Thank you.”

The girl doesn't respond.

I approach her and she looks very uneasy. She holds up the book she's reading like she's afraid of making eye contact with me.

She reminds me of when I first met Kotomi. She is afraid of me and she loves books. I wonder if she's a genius with a tragic past too? Hopefully not that second part.

I position myself in between her and the shelf and she scoots her beanbag back a little.

I find a book called, 10 Japanese One Act Plays. I pull it out and open it to the table of contents.

The girl on the bean bag whispers something, but I can't make it out.

I turn to look at her. Her book is still covering her face.

“I’m sorry…I didn't hear you.”

She whispers, “L-living…”

Confused, I look at her for a moment while I try to understand. But I can't see her face so it isn't helping. Then I give up and look down at the book. When I look at the table of contents, I see a play titled Living with Father.

I smile at the girl, even though she can't see it. She must have peeked over when my back was turned to see what book I would grab. She must be as well read as Kotomi, too.

“You like Living with Father?”

The book moves up and down. That must be a nod.

“Have you seen it on stage?”

The book moves from side to side this time.

“Thank you so much for your help. I think I'll check this out and I’ll start with that play.”

She mutters, “‘…w-w-welcome.”

She is really starting to fidget in the bean bag now, and her hands are starting to shake. Her knuckles are white from holding the book so tightly.

I really would like to talk to her more about the play and why she likes it, but I can tell she's very uncomfortable. I know she would prefer it if I left her alone.

I thank her again and return to the front desk to check out the book.

Chapter Text

I’m in the club room with the other club members. We're each going to talk about a one act play we found and then pick one to perform.

Chiyo sighs, “So, which stuffy Chekhov play are you going to try to get us to do this time, Ken?”

He laughs, “I suppose I’m predictable. It's called A Marriage Proposal , and it's a comedy where a guy proposes to his neighbor's daughter even though he doesn't really like her. Even during the proposal they can't stop arguing about every little ridiculous thing, they get engaged anyway because it's socially and economically advantageous for both of them.”

Chiyo raises an eyebrow, “Uh… huh . And what brilliant commentary is Chekhov imparting this time?”

“That people don't really care about love or emotionally bonding. Relationships are just about keeping up appearances and pursuing wealth.”

Daiki chuckles, “Sounds like a fun one.”

Ken sighs, “And what pray tell, do you want to do, Daiki?”

He laughs, “Well…I know you'll all just say no.”

“Th-that's not true!”

He laughs, “Thanks, Nagisa. Maybe you won't. These two don't usually side with me. I'm used to being outvoted by their little alliance. Anyway, I found a fun American one by Tennessee Williams called A Special Kind of Romance. It's about this guy who is moving into a new apartment building, and the beautiful landlady is flirting with him the whole time but he's completely unaware,” He takes a moment to wink at Chiyo, who blushes and looks away from him. Then he continues, “...and he's far more interested in the cat that lives there.”

I haven't been able to tell for sure whether they are a couple. I've never seen them apart and they seem very close.  Daiki's wink must mean they aren't together, though.

Ken laughs, “That does sound like fun. But I feel like we would really need a cat to pull it off. Are any of the ones on campus tame enough, Daiki?”

Daiki thinks for a moment and says, “Yeah…not so much.”

I must look as confused as I feel, because Daiki turns to me and says, “My dad’s a veterinarian in Sendai. So, I trap the cats on campus and take them to him to get spayed and neutered before bringing them back. I also feed them and stuff. But as Ken suggested, they aren’t the cuddly kind who would do well on stage.”

I smile at him, “That's really nice that you do that. I didn't know there were cats on campus.”

He chuckles, “That means the spaying and neutering is going well.”

Ken says, “Well, we can keep that one in mind. Maybe using a plush or something wouldn’t be too bad. Do you want to go next, Nagisa?”

“S-sure.” I stand up and hand out the pages I made copies of.

Chiyo whistles and says, “ Damn girl, you brought handouts?”

“Um yeah…I made copies of the play. I didn't really do much. The librarian helped me.”

Ken looks confused at first when I hand him an open book, but then his hands flit over the page and his jaw drops, “You…got it in Braille?”

“I r-really didn’t do that much. I just asked the librarian about the book I found the play in. It turned out they had it in Braille.”

He nods and sets the book down, moving his fingers over the page with a smile, “Well, I appreciate it. A lot. Tell us about the play.”

“It's called Living with Father . I-it starts sad, but has a happy ending.  It's about a young woman a few years after the war. She lives in Hiroshima and she was the only one in her family who survived. Several years after the war, she still struggles with guilt and grief. Closes herself off from people.  B-but her father has been with her as a ghost ever since the bombing. She spends most of her time alone with him.

Then, she meets a man that she loves. But she isn't sure she should be happy.  She thinks she has to stay sad to honor her family. That it would betray them to be happy. B-but the ghost of her father tells her that she needs to move on and love this man. He convinces her, and then he disappears.”

I look around to see the reaction of my clubmates but I can't tell much from looking at their faces. 

Ken strokes his chin and then nods and says, “I like it a lot. Especially because it's Japanese, unlike our suggestions. There's one problem, though: that's two male roles and one female role.”

I nod, “I thought…m-maybe we could change the father to a mother?”

Ken nods, “We can change it to Living with Mother . Might have to rewrite some lines here and there, but that should be doable.”

Chiyo excitedly says, “I love it! So much that I don't even want to talk about my play. I want to do this one.”

“Wh-what? I want to hear about yours!”

Chiyo shakes her head, “Nah. This one sounds perfect.”

Daiki says, “Okay. Then are we ready to vote?”

This is moving so fast!

Ken says, “Say, ‘Aye’ if you want to do Nagisa's pick.”

To my surprise, all three of my clubmates say, “Aye.”

Chiyo laughs at my silence, “You don't want to do the one you suggested?”

I look down at my hands, “I…thought it would be r-rude to vote for mine.”

She rolls her eyes, “Of course you did. Well, you're out voted anyway.”

Ken says, “It's official, we're doing Living with Mother. ”

“R-really? You don't want to think about it more?”

Ken shakes his head, “It sounds great. Weighty and serious, but sweet too. A real crowd pleaser. And relatable. It will be a good challenge for us as actors, I think.”

Daiki looks up from the copied pages I brought and adds, “I’ll have to look at it more deeply, but based on what you said and what I’ve seen so far, we don't need any crazy set or technical design.” He puts his hand to his chin, “Maybe some complex lighting and sound for when she hears thunder and remembers the bomb, but that sounds like fun to me.”

Chiyo laughs, “You nerd. ”

“Well, we can't all be aspiring actors and actresses like you two. Besides, actors need nerds like me.”

I smile at Chiyo and Ken, “You two want to be actors after graduation?”

Ken nods, “We joined a student acting troupe in Sendai last summer, and we're doing it again this year. We've really liked it.”

So, they ARE a couple?

No, wait. That doesn't make sense based on Daiki’s wink earlier. But they sure use ‘we’ a lot.

I smile, “That's really great.” I turn to Daiki, “Do you want to do theater stuff too?”

He shakes his head, “Engineering. But I really like theater. Doing tech and design stuff is fun, but I think I want to do civil engineering. What do you want to do after Yamaku?”

I should have seen that coming. Once again I have to answer this question in front of a bunch of ambitious people who know what they want to do even though they are younger than me.

I shrug, “I d-don't know yet.”

Ken smiles, “Well…if you like acting enough, maybe you can join the same troupe we're joining for the summer. That would be fun, right Chiyo?”

She knits her eyebrows and looks at him with her mouth hanging open, before smiling at me and saying, “Y-yeah, that would be fun.” She clears her throat and says,”Um…back to the play, I bet we have all the war-era and postwar costumes we need in here. Might need to do some tailoring, though.” She gets up and begins rifling through one of the racks.

We spend some more time talking about the play and making some preliminary plans before we read it together. I’m very surprised they are all so excited about the one I chose.

I should thank that dark-haired girl from the library some time. It really was the best play in the book. 

After we are done with club activities for the day, we walk back to the dorms together. After Chiyo and I break off to go to the girl’s dorm she says, “Hey…do you want to hang out later? I have some homework, but you can come by in an hour. I’ll do your nails for you.”

I'm very happy about her invitation. So far, I haven't spent one-on-one time with any of my new friends.

“Yeah, that sounds like fun.”

…

“What color do you want?”

I'm sitting on the floor with Chiyo in her room. She has two dozen colors of nail polish for me to choose from. I'm excited for this. Maybe having my nails painted will make me a little more glamorous, like Chiyo.

“U-um…I don’t know. I've never painted them. What color do you think suits me?”

She looks up at me and then back down at all her nail polish before picking up a bottle, “Hmm…this pale pink should be good. Not too loud.  It would be really cute on you, I think.”

I smile, “Okay…let's do that.”

I spread out my hand in front of her, unsure if that's what I should do. She takes my wrist and guides my hand to my knee. I spread my fingers out, and she starts doing my nails.

“Thank you…for inviting me. And doing my nails.”

She smiles, “Of course. We're the drama club girls, y’know? We gotta stick together.”

I feel myself smile from ear to ear at her comment.

Then she sighs, and stops applying nail polish for a moment.

“I should be honest with you, though. …I wanted to do this to get to know you better and hang out…but um, I also wanted to…clear the air, I guess. So, I also have…ulterior motives…”

“What do you mean?”

She sighs, “You’re going to think I’m really petty.”

I shake my head, “I won't!”

She chuckles, “You can't say that. You don't know what I’m going to say!”

“I know but…if it's bothering you, it isn't petty. You should talk about it.”

She nods and then sighs, “I-it's embarrassing, but I just have to say it - I-I’m…in love with Ken.” She blushes and looks away from me.

I smile, “I thought you might be.”

She rolls her eyes, “Yeah…everyone knows but him. He's the densest guy in the world.”

“Well…he can't see your face when you blush and get all flustered around him, right?”

“True. But I still think it's obvious even if he can't see.”

I laugh, “Probably.”

She looks afraid of the answer when she asks, “So…um…do you maybe…like him?”

I shake my head. “H-he's nice and he’s handsome. I can see why you like him. But I don't.’”

She exhales and laughs softly, “Thank God! I was really worried you did, and this would come off as me saying ‘dibs!’ and then we would hate each other forever.”

“Even if I liked him too, I wouldn't hate you. And…you've known him longer, so it would be fair for you to tell me to back off.”

Chiyo rolls her eyes at me, “You're like a little angel.” She smirks,  "Kind of look like one too.”

“I-is that good?”

She laughs, “I think so. Makes you easy to talk to.”

She goes back to painting my nails and we are silent for a while as I think about her situation. I don't want her to make the same mistake I did.

When she finishes I say,  “If he isn't getting that you like him…why don't you confess?”

She frowns, “I don't know. It's…complicated.”

“Does he like someone else?”

“I don't think so. And I would probably know, because he’s also my best friend.” She looks at me closely. “I'm going to tell you something, but promise it stays between us, okay?”

I nod. 

She smiles, “I've only known you a few weeks, but I'm already very certain you're not the type to go back on a promise. An angel would never break a promise, right?”

I sigh, “I-I’m not an angel…b-but I won't break my promise.”

She takes a deep breath and looks me in the eyes and says, “I can't have kids the usual way.”

I meet her gaze, but I'm not sure how to respond. What does that mean exactly?

Chiyo slaps herself in the forehead and chuckles, apparently realizing my confusion. 

“That was a really weird way to put that, wasn't it? What I mean is…I don't have a uterus.”

“O-oh. I'm sorry.”

She laughs, “You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault.”

“I-I know but…it must be hard.”

She frowns slightly, “It…is. But it's better than the alternative.”

“I-it was making you sick?”

She nods,  “Very. I had this thing…where my uterus was all messed up.” She frowns, and places her hand on her lower abdomen,  “Adenomyosis, it's called. I got my first period when I was 11, and it was always really painful. I couldn't even get out of bed. I thought it was what all women went through and I was just weak. That's…pretty much what the doctors said too. That it was normal and I just had a low threshold for pain. B-but they were wrong…” She starts to sniffle a little and trails off.

I hand her my handkerchief and she smiles at me and wipes her tears.

“Y-you…don't have to tell me all of this right now.”

She shakes her head, “I want to. I know I’m tearing up and stuff, b-but…it feels good to talk about. Other than with my parents and medical people…I haven't talked about it before. ” Her eyes get wide and she looks at me, “U-unless I’m…oversharing and freaking you out. I can stop.”

I shake my head, “You’re not. I want to listen.”

She smiles at me, “Okay. Well…starting a few days after my 14th birthday, I was in debilitating, blinding pain about 50 times worse than normal…I spent the whole day in a hot bath because nothing else helped. And this time…it didn't stop when my period was over.  I…burned myself a few times with heating pads, because that kind of heat was the only thing that gave me relief. I…have ugly burn scars.”

“I-I can't even imagine pain like that…”

Fatigue and exhaustion I can imagine. But the pain from HIDS isn't anything close to this.

She nods and grimaces, “Now the doctors finally looked into things and figured out it was a problem with my uterus. They tried lots of things, smaller surgeries and stuff. They wanted to preserve my uterus if they could. But in the end…the only way to make it stop was…taking it out. When they did, they saw it was so messed up I couldn't have kids anyway. So…it was the right choice. And I’m pretty much pain free now.”

I smile at her, “That's good.”

She smiles, “Yeah, it is. I still have one ovary too, so I have eggs. I can have biological kids if I want some day, but I can't carry them.”

I frown, “And…that's why you don't want to confess?”

She sighs and nods and then she starts speaking really quickly, “I know we're just in high school, so having kids doesn't need to come up. But…at what point am I supposed to tell a guy I can't have them? Should I tell him right away? Because…it kinda seems like I should. Any relationship could end up going that direction…and if I don’t tell him and he only finds out later, that doesn’t seem fair. And if I do tell him that might scare him into thinking I want to get married and have kids right away or something.” She sighs deeply.  “I'm trying to sort all of that out.”

I take a moment to think aboutg her words. They came out so quickly that I was a few words behind.

“That is hard. But…if two people are right for one another and love each other, I don't think anything can keep them apart. If it's right…he'll understand.”

Chiyo laughs, “That's a very Nagisa thing to say.”

I frown at her.

She smiles, “I mean that…in a good way. I hope you're right. I really want to tell him. But at the same time I'm thankful he's so dense that I haven't had to tell him.”

“So you kind of like how things are?”

She frowns, “In some ways. In addition to the usual fears about a confession - like being rejected -  I'm also scared of losing my best friend, and I'm scared of how he'll react to my…medical situation. So, I'm…just not sure.”

“I'm not either.”

After a few moments of silence she says, “What's worse, is, we've been close since we started drama club last year. So I've lied to him about it for a long time. So…I also have to tell him that at some point…”

“You lied?”

She nods guiltily, “I lie to everyone about my health. I-I’m…embarrassed about it. You…and one other person are the only students who know.” She hugs herself, frowns and looks off to the side. “And…the other person didn't find out because I wanted them to.” She shakes her head. “Anyway, I say I have anemia. Sometimes my hormone therapy doesn't keep things balanced and it makes me a little fatigued. So I tell people it's anemia. I lie because I don't want everyone to know the truth.  Awful, isn't it?”

I shake my head.

She laughs wryly, “Oh, come on Nagisa. I bet you've never lied. No matter what. And here I am claiming to have a condition people actually suffer from, just to cover up embarrassment.”

“I don't usually lie. But…I might in your situation. It would be hard when it comes to…boys.”

She exhales, “If even an angel would consider lying, that makes me feel much better.”

I guess she’s just going to call me an angel from now on. I suppose there are worse nicknames.

“I think…he will understand that lie when you explain it to him. A-and…if he doesn't, you probably don't want to be with him.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

She isn't getting this. I need to be more forceful. Can I DO forceful?

I put my hands on her shoulders and look her in the eyes, “Y-you need to tell him soon, Chiyo.”

She looks at me with raised eyebrows, “You said that with some serious regret in your voice.”

I nod and pull my hands back to hug myself, “Th-there was a boy I fell in love with…at my old school. But I was scared to tell him. I thought…he wouldn't like me. His friends were mostly girls. And they were all…prettier, smarter, and more fun than me. A-and…then he ended up w-with one of them…and I'm very happy for them…b-b-but…” 

My lip starts to tremble so I trail off and close my eyes tight, embarrassed that I'm still getting choked up about this. Despite my efforts, I feel a few tears run down my cheeks.

I feel Chiyo put her arms around me. I open my eyes and hug her back, very thankful for the comforting contact. It's my first hug since I left home.

“You know, Nagisa…the whole reason I wanted to talk to you tonight is because I thought we might be rivals, and I was worried.”

“Y-you don't have to worry.”

“What I'm saying is, I definitely would have to worry if you were interested in Ken.” She breaks the hug and looks me in the eyes. “You're really pretty. And sweet, and smart, and fun. So…please don't ever talk about yourself like you aren't, okay?”

“B-but I'm n-”

She puts a finger on my lip, stopping me from speaking. “Look at it this way. You're my friend. Would you like it if you heard someone talk about your friends the way you just talked about yourself?”

I shake my head. She smiles and removes her finger.

“Okay? You won't talk about my friend like that again?”

“I…I won't.”

“Good. I'm really sorry about that boy. Sounds like a real dumb-dumb.”

I snap at her, surprising both of us, “H-he's not dumb!” 

Chiyo is taken aback for a moment, but then she laughs, “I just meant he's dumb because he didn't pick you. It's just a joke.”

“O-oh. Sorry.” I smile, “Then Ken's a… dumb-dumb too. I think…if he could see you, he would know you like him for sure. A-and be in love with you instantly.”

She chuckles, “Instantly? You think?”

I nod, “You already look like a famous actress. I-I'm sure you have the boys lining up.”

She blushes a little and fiddles with one of her braids, “I have received…some confessions, it's true. But none of them are Ken. Between…being in love with him and my health stuff…I haven't ever wanted a boyfriend. Not that isn't him.”

I nod, “I know…I didn't mean you should settle. J-just…you should be as confident as you want me to be. You're beautiful, talented, smart…all of it. I-if you feel more confident, you will be able to tell him. Despite everything.”

She sighs deeply and nods, “You're right. And if I don't do something soon, he might end up with someone else. Like your guy. Seeing…how much you regret not telling him definitely makes me want to go for it.”

“I'm always happy to talk about it with you if that's what you need. A-and let me know if I can help in any other way.”

She smirks, “Well…there are…a couple ways. First, don't come with us this summer.” 

I giggle, “I wasn't planning to.”

She laughs, “Good. His stupid invitation is what got me worried that there might be something between you two I didn't know about. Also…would you mind playing the mother in the play?”

I smile, “You mean, so you and Ken can have romance scenes?”

Chiyo blushes and then nods, “I really liked the play you brought, but I was extra eager to go with it because I realized I’d get to do romantic scenes with him. I think that will give me some more courage.”

“Sure. I'm the oldest anyway. I should be the mom.”

She looks surprised, “How do you know that? You don't look any older than me. If anything, you look younger.”

I sigh, “I know I don't look it. But I turn 20 this year.”

“Oh. Yeah, you are the oldest. Ken and I are both 17 and won't turn 18 until the Spring. You're…more than 2 years older.” Chiyo frowns, “Did your health slow you down?”

I nod, “I get too sick for school all the time. Doctors took a very long time to figure me out, like they did with you. So, this is my third try at my third year.”

Her frown deepens, “Man, I suck. Here I am complaining about my boy problems and-”

“Chiyo…it isn't just boy problems. You had it just as hard as me. M-maybe harder. I've n-never had pain like you did. And I haven't had surgery even once.”

She nods, “I guess it isn't a contest. We both had it crappy in different ways.”

I smile, “Exactly.”

“Well…thank you for sharing. And listening. What do you say we spend the rest of our little girls’ night not talking about our health or stupid boys and just being silly?”

I laugh, “Okay.”

She gives me a big smile, “Hey, do you want me to add a design to your nails? Like mine?”

She flashes her nails at me, which are currently bright pink with cute little flowers of different colors on them. 

“It doesn't have to be flowers. I can do other stuff too, as long as it's simple.”

It doesn't take long for me to come up with something I would like. They are simple. And all different colors too.

With a big smile on my face I say, “Can you do the Great Dango Family?”

She looks at me like I'm speaking an obscure foreign language, “The…huh?”

By now I really shouldn’t expect people to know what I’m talking about.

“Um…wait right here. I’ll be right back.”

She nods, still with a look of confusion on her face.

I go back to my room and get my plush dango, before returning with it. She uses my plush as a reference, and before long each of my nails have a different colored dango. Now I can look down at my hands and see the Great Dango Family!

Chiyo still doesn't really get it, but she seems very happy that I'm happy. And that's good enough for me.

I’m leaving the performing arts center for the day. We did a readthrough of the play now that our roles are assigned. I have a lot of work to do.

Ken and Chiyo really are great actors. Especially Chiyo. Between her looks and how well she can move through a wide range of emotions, I can't imagine she won't make it as an actress. I think the gap in our talent is going to be pretty obvious when we’re all up on stage, no matter how hard I work. I have the most lines too. I wish I had paid attention to that when I agreed to play the mother. But if this helps Chiyo get the courage to confess to Ken, I guess I can do it.

As I reach the main quad, I hear beautiful music. I follow the sound, interested in finding where it’s coming from. Before long, I find it.

There's a girl with shoulder-length light brown hair and honey colored eyes sitting on a bench and playing violin. I stifle a laugh, because it reminds me of Kotomi’s concert last year. Unlike her, this girl seems to know what she's doing. I don't have much experience watching live music, but something about how she plays her violin makes it hard for me not to watch and listen. I find myself standing stock still and staring with a small smile on my face. 

After a few minutes, she curses and stops playing. 

She glares in my direction and points at me with her bow,  “ You . Did anyone tell you it’s rude to stare?  Did you get my permission to listen and watch? Are you at least going to put some money in my violin case or something?”

I feel flustered. “Um…sh-should I?”

She glares at me again, “That was a joke, idiot .”

I clench my eyes shut, embarrassed at my stupidity, “I'm sorry. I w-was just…listening and watching. I stopped because it sounded very b-beautiful. But…I’ll go.”

The girl sighs, “No… I’m sorry. I’m in a bad mood. You…didn't do anything wrong.”

I open my eyes again, “Are you in a bad mood because you made a mistake?”

She strokes the body of her violin with a sad look on her face. “Yeah. That's…pretty much…it.” Then she looks up at me and smiles. It's so bright it's hard to imagine she had such a sad expression just moments ago.

“Do you know the violin?”

I shake my head, “I only knew you made a mistake because of how you stopped. I have a friend who plays violin, though. Y-you’re much better.”

She laughs, “Is it Hikari?”

I shake my head, “She was my friend at my old school.”

She raises her eyebrows and starts to put her violin away, “Ah, I see. You’re a transfer student. The transfer student, even.  I heard about you.”

“Y-you did?”

She smirks, “Just a little. Here, come sit with me. I’m not scary, promise…first impressions notwithstanding.” She giggles and puts her violin in its case on the ground before patting on the bench next to her.

I do as she asks and then say, “Wh-what have you heard?”

“Just that there's a new third year girl.  It's big news around here.” She winks, “Especially among the boys .”

I blush and look down. “B-b-boys?”

I guess I am not quite as invisible here as I was at my old school. It's smaller. And I am certainly more confident and talkative thanks to the friends I made last year and how welcoming people have been. I guess it makes sense people notice me.

My benchmate smirks, “Aw. You're shy. That's cute. They'll love that. Well…I think they already do .”

I sit in silence as my cheeks continue to flush, not knowing how to respond. My benchmate stands up with the help of a cane, and then picks up her violin case.

“I gotta run.” She laughs. “Well, not run ,” she thumps her cane on the ground, “but you know what I mean.”

I stand up and nod.

The girl frowns, “I'm sorry if I upset you, bringing up the boys thing. I'm just teasing.”

I shake my head, “I-it's okay. I…I'm just shy, like you said.”

She smiles, “Well, it was nice meeting you. I'm Saki, by the way.”

I smile back, “Nagisa. It was very nice to meet you too.”

She nods and starts to head off towards the school building. As she does, she says, “Feel free to listen to me play if you see me again, Nagisa. I won't be mean next time! Probably.”

I smile as I watch her walk away.

Chapter Text

It's late evening and I'm leaving the club room. I was going through some of the old costumes with Chiyo, and we found a good outfit for Ken. It's a gray suit with a matching hat. It probably won’t even need that much tailoring.

Just as I'm about to enter the girl's dorms, I hear the faint sound of someone sniffling. It's a sound I know well. My mom and I both cry all the time, after all.

It sounds like it's coming from the side of the building. I walk over and look along the narrow space next to the building. While it's very dark, I can make out the profile of a long-haired girl sitting with her back against the wall with her arms wrapped around her knees. And she is definitely crying. So hard that her shoulders are shaking.

I call out to the silhouette, “A-are you okay?”

The figure gasps and says, “I-it's none of your business! G-go away !”

Her response is so forceful that I flinch. At first I want to do what she says, and I start to turn around and head toward the dorm entrance. But then I realize I'm hearing a voice I know very well. That was the sharp tone and distinct accent of my class rep. She sounds like she does when she scolds Ichiro, except right now she's also choking back tears. She may still want me to go away. But I think I owe it to her to double check after how much she has helped me.

“A-Akane?”

She angrily responds, “Huh?! Who ?!”

I flinch again before saying,“I-it's…Nagisa.”

She sniffles, “Oh. S-s-sorry…for yelling at you.”

“I-It's okay. D-do you want to be…alone?”

She's quiet for a moment. Then she sighs, stands up and walks over to me. When she gets in better light, I see her tear-stained face. And I see that she's doing everything she can to hold in more tears. It breaks my heart more than a little bit.

She's standing in front of me now. She silently shakes her head in response to my earlier question.

I hug her without saying anything. She hugs me back. From how tightly she is hugging me, I can tell she needed it.

After a minute or so I ask, “D-do you…want to come up to my room?”

She responds with only a nod.

…

Akane and I are in my room now, sitting on the bed together. She still hasn't said a word and still looks like she might cry more at any time. 

It's hard seeing her like this. She is such a stoic, composed person in class and at lunch. But she's anything but that right now.

I grab my dango plush and squeeze it, before holding it out to her. “Um…m-maybe it's silly, but this really soothes me when I’m having a hard time.”

She takes it and snuggles it to her chest, and smiles a little. 

After being silent for a little while longer she sighs and says, “I got…dumped.”

“That's terrible, I'm sorry. You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend.”

She sighs and squeezes the dango, “No one knew. Apart from the two of us. Because…b-because…b-because…” She trails off and shakes her head.

I put a hand on her shoulder to try and comfort her, “You can talk about it if you want to. But we can talk about something else if that will help. I just want to do…whatever I can to help you. Like how you always help me.”

She studies me for a moment, “Y-you…can't tell anyone , okay? Promise me. This is something that you can never tell anyone. Ever . A-and we can't even talk about it anywhere else. It stays in this room only.”

This is starting to scare me. What happened with her boyfriend that she has to keep it this secret?

I hesitate for a moment and then nod, “I promise.”

She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes, and forces out the words, “I…got dumped…by a girl.”

“Oh! Y-you…um…” I trail off, finding it difficult to say the words that are coming to mind.

Akane sighs and narrows her eyes at me, “Just say it , Nagisa. If you can't, there's no way we can have this conversation.”

She's right. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I just haven't known someone like her before, so it surprised me a little.

“You…like girls?”

“Yes. I'm gay.”

She seems to be studying my face, seeing how I’ll react to this news.

I nod, “So, your girlfriend broke up with you?”

She looks at me silently for a moment before saying,  “Y-yeah. You really really promise to keep this secret?”

“I do. I won't ever tell anyone. I promise.”

She smiles softly at me and says, “Okay…I believe you.” She takes a deep breath. “It was…” She trails off and whispers, “...Misha.”

“Oh! I’m sorry. How long were you together?”

Akane frowns, “I confessed to her during Spring Vacation. So…six weeks, I guess? Pathetic I'm this broken up about it after such a short relationship, huh?”

“I don’t think so. I bet it hurts. I hurt from a boy I never went out with.”

She nods and then squeezes the dango tighter, “I really love her. I fell for her last year not long after I started tutoring her. I finally got the courage to tell her over Spring Vacation. She and I both stayed here and we spent a lot of time together alone, and I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I…wasn't even sure if she liked girls. But I had to do it. And I was so happy when she accepted.” She looks at me with some embarrassment. “I know she’s loud and obnoxious but…”

“She’s just…passionate and energetic.”

Akane half-laughs and half-sniffles, “I agree.” She sighs and frowns, “Anyway…she dumped me because she's in love with someone else.”

“Sh-she fell in love with someone else while she was with you!?”

Akane shakes her head, “She apparently loved this other girl before. She just didn't tell me. She…hoped being with me would help her forget about this other girl, but it didn't.” She squeezes the dango more tightly. “We went for a nice walk together tonight but at the end she suddenly broke down crying. She said we have to stop because she's j-just…using me.”

I frown, “That's…not very nice of her.” 

After a moment I start to worry that the secret she wants me to keep is more than just that she and Misha are gay. Akane can be pretty scary when she’s angry. And anyone would be angry to be dumped like that.

 “D-did you two get into a fight about it?” 

She frowns, “No. That's what I should have done. Gone into class rep mode and told her to go to hell.

“You didn’t?”

She shakes her head, “I'm just a stupid lovesick puppy with her. I comforted her. Told her…I understand. Told her…I would be okay. That she didn't need to feel bad. I…I just didn't want her to be so sad.” She hugs the dango as tightly as she can as a few tears run down her cheeks, “B-but I lied…I'm not okay. I f-feel…betrayed and…heartbroken and…” She takes a shaky breath, “Like I’m not good enough…b-because if I was, I could have made her love me…”

“D-don't say that! You're pretty, and smart, and funny and ambitious. I…wish I was more like you all the time. Sh-she's just…a dumb-dumb.”

She halfheartedly says, “Thanks. You're sweet.”

“I-it's just the truth.”

She forces a brief smile and then takes another shaky breath, “Worst part is, I spent the last six weeks falling even more in love with her. She was my first…everything. I thought it was all so special and…a-and…sh-she… didn't …” Akane whimpers and then starts to sob.

I guess she couldn't hold her tears in anymore. It's impressive she lasted as long as she did. It’s like she's held them in so long that she can't control her body anymore.

She drops the dango plush and falls into me. She ends up resting her head on my lap as she continues to cry, so much that I can feel my skirt getting wet. I do my best to soothe her, by rubbing her back and stroking her hair. As a cryer myself, I know she probably just needs to do this to feel a bit better. I'll just be here for her while she does.

As she continues to cry, I start to get a little choked up too. She's hurting so much. Love is wonderful. But it can be so painful too.

After a few minutes, she sits up, wipes her tears with her sleeve, and sniffles a few times before snuggling my dango again and looking embarrassed. Her voice is raw and her nose is stuffy when she says,  “I don't think I've ever cried like that. And…definitely not in someone's lap. That was…too much. I’m really sorry.”

I wipe away my own tears and give her the best smile I can, “I really don't mind. Feeling any better?”

She shrugs, “I guess.  It's like…I feel too drained to be sad anymore. I feel…hollow.”

“I know that feeling.”

She chuckles, “Oh yeah, you said you were a crybaby when we first met.”

I smile, “Exactly. So you don't need to be embarrassed about crying in front of me. Sometimes…you just need to cry to feel better. And…you had a very good reason to cry.”

“Well…next time you want to cry, let me know, okay? I'll return the favor. I live just down the hall, you know.”

I smile at her, “I will. I'm…really sorry you're going through this. Love can really hurt when it doesn't go right.”

She sniffles and nods, “I really shouldn’t have had so much sex with her. I think it made it way worse.”

I feel my face flush and I'm unsure what to say. Noticing my silence, she says, “S-sorry. Was that too much?”

I shake my head, “I just…don't know anything about that. So I didn't know what to say.”

She sighs and then frowns at me, “You mean…because we're both girls?”

“N-no! Just…in general. I…haven't even had my first kiss.”

Akane laughs softly, “I should have known you meant that. Sorry I got defensive. Lots of people are…bothered by it. Two girls dating. But you really aren't, are you? You’ve seemed okay with it every step of this conversation.”

“Well…I think love is the most beautiful thing in the world. It doesn't matter who it's between.”

She tilts her head and smiles softly, “Wait, wait, wait…Does that mean you're…?”

She trails off and for a moment and I'm not sure what she's getting at. Then I make the connection.

“No. I only like boys. But I think it’s good for you or anyone to love whoever they want to love.”

Akane smiles at me, “Makes sense. I can't imagine you disliking or hating anyone for any reason, much less for who they love.” 

She pauses for a moment and then nudges me with her shoulder, “You have to tell me about that boy you mentioned, so we're even.”

“Well…he was a friend who really helped me become more confident at my old school. But he ended up with one of my friends instead. I was really happy for them, but…it was hard being around them all the time.”

I didn't start crying this time. That's good.

Akane sighs, “Yeah…I don’t know what I am supposed to do about being around Misha all the time…in sign language class, at lunch…”

“Well…if you need to eat lunch somewhere else, you could with the drama club. I'm sure everyone would be okay with that.”

I see a brief flash of…something on her face. It almost looked like anger. Or fear? But why would she be angry or afraid?

“Thanks but…I don't think I’ll need to. I'll be okay.”

Akane looks at my clock and sighs, “I didn't realize it was so late. I should get to my room.” She pauses for a moment and then sternly says, “It’s against the rules for me to be in your room this late.” She winks at me and I laugh. She does too.

“Thank you…so much for this, Nagisa. I’d probably still be down there crying if you hadn’t heard me. You're a good friend.”

I smile at her, “Well…you’ve helped me a lot since I got here. I don’t think I would have gotten used to things here without you. So…I’m glad I was finally able to help you.”

She stands up and walks towards the door, still holding my dango.

“U-um…”

She laughs, “You’ll be wanting this back?”

I half heartedly say, “W-well…if you really need it tonight…”

She tosses it to me and I catch it before hugging it to my chest.

“I don't even know what it is, but it sure is cute and snuggly. Goodnight, Nagisa.”

She opens the door and heads into the hall before I can tell her about the Great Dango Family. I’ll have to do it another time.

“Ever since the bomb, you ain't been yourself. You're keepin’ people at arm's length an’ mopin’ around with a scowl on your face ‘til ya get home.”

We’re doing another read through of the script for our play.  I was expecting the next line to be read, but Chiyo doesn’t read it. When I look up, all three of my clubmates are looking at me.

This readthrough is the first time Ken and Chiyo have critiqued me. They've been nice about it so far and I know I need it. But I'm still a little scared every time this happens.

Dorayaki.

“D-did I do something wrong?”

Ken says, “Not…wrong. In fact, the emotion you’re conveying with your voice is great for our first readthrough, especially with no experience. But, you need to work on your Hiroshima dialect. Try to make it sound more…natural.”

“H-how do I do that?”

Chiyo says, “Listen to a lot of it. Right now you are doing kind of an over the top impression, and it sounds like an impression. And it's kind of funny. Not what we want in a dramatic scene.”

“O-okay…I'll try.”

Daiki says, “What if the three of you just always do your Hiroshima dialect when we're alone? Seems like a good way to get her used to it.”

Ken nods, “That's a really good idea.”

Chiyo nods and turns on her Hiroshima dialect , “I'm thinkin’ that's doable. We could use the practice anyway. Well, maybe Ken don’t need it. But I do.”

Ken laughs and replies using Hiroshima dialect, “Practice makes perfect.”

Chiyo laughs and pokes his arm, “Well yeah, but yours already is perfect.”

He shrugs, “My voice is really important so I work on it a lot. Because I'm not as good with facial expressions.”

Daiki says, “Huh. Somehow, I never thought of it that way. Does that mean you're leaning towards voice acting?”

“I'd like to do other kinds too…but, yeah, that might be where I have the best chance.”

Chiyo nudges him and blushes a little when she says, “Plus, you get to go to work in yer underwear.”

He laughs, blushes, and nudges her back, “That sounds more like somethin’ you would like, as much as you like sleepin’ in.”

I wish she would just tell him. But at the same time I know I can't really know what it's like to be in her situation either. After all, I never even confessed to Tomoya.

But…why hasn’t Ken confessed? The more I watch them, the more I think he likes her too.

Daiki says, “Stop flirting, you two. We've got work to do.”

This makes me giggle, while the two of them turn bright red and suddenly are very focused on continuing our readthrough.

…

We just finished our readthrough and I have lots of notes on my script. It's a little stressful knowing I need to improve so much, but I know my clubmates will help.

Ken says, “Nagisa, how do you feel about rewriting the lines that need it now that your character is a mother instead of a father?”

“Wh-what? Me?”

Chiyo laughs, “So…not feeling so good about it?”

“I…just don't know the first thing about writing lines.”

Ken nods, “I know. And maybe I'm asking too much. But I think doing this will help you. Really think about your character. Really think about what will be different for a mother versus a father. That will help you understand her, too.”

“O-okay. I’ll…try. I just don't want to ruin the play.”

Chiyo smiles, “You don’t necessarily have to do it all on your own. But I think taking a crack at it yourself first is a good idea. Then we can talk about the changes together.”

“Okay. That sounds good. Makes me feel less pressure.”

I’m leaving the dorms to go to drama club. I'm running late, because I left my script with all my notes on it in my dorm room, and I really don't want to waste everyone's time by making the same mistakes they helped me correct earlier this week. 

Just as I'm about to enter the performing arts center, I hear a strange sound. It almost sounds like coughing. But it's kind of squeaky. I hear the sound again, and approach a bush where it seems to be coming from.

When I hear the sound again, I kneel and look under the bush, and I see a black cat lying on its side. It looks like it is having a hard time breathing. Its sides are rapidly rising and falling, and it looks really distressed. It doesn't react to me at all. It just stares at me, unmoving.

Normally I'm afraid of outdoor cats, but this one needs help and isn’t threatening me. I gently pull it out from under the bush and pick it up. In the light, I see it isn't all black. It has splashes of orange on its fur. It's really pretty.

It hasn't moved at all, and it's body is mostly limp. But it's warm. And it's breathing. But the way it's breathing looks painful, and it’s letting out a little cough every few seconds.  It just closed its eyes. That's probably not good.

Now that I have this animal in my arms I’m not sure what I can possibly do. I start to feel overwhelmed, and I clench my eyes shut to think.

Should I take it to the nurse? He would know better than most what to do, even if he doesn't normally treat cats. He’s nice, and I can't imagine him telling me to go away with a sick cat in my arms. 

The cat REALLY needs a vet, though. And quickly. But I don't know where one is. Maybe my drama club friends can help me. They are waiting for me inside, so it makes sense to check with them.

Wait. Didn't Daiki say his dad is a vet? And he takes care of the cats on campus?

I open my eyes, turn around and enter the performing arts center. The second I enter the costume shop I hear Chiyo snarkily say, “It’s about time. Did you get lost or something?”

I reply, “Um…n-no. I found this sick kitty outside. I d-don't know what to do.”

As I approach the table where we’ve been doing our read throughs, Daiki’s eyes get wide and he stands up and walks over to me. He frowns and puts his hand on the cat. It covers pretty much her entire body.

He frowns, “Oh, no. Tortie.”

“Tortie?”

“Yeah. I’ll explain in the car. We need to get her to my dad.”

“C-car?”

He nods, “I have one.” He turns to Ken and Chiyo, “Sorry guys, gonna have to skip drama club today.”

Ken nods, “That's okay. Just hurry. She doesn't sound good.”

…

I’m in the car with Daiki, who is driving. Well, “car” isn't the right word. It feels more like a tank. It's a huge American SUV of some kind. It is probably the only kind of car he fits in comfortably. The passenger seat is huge, and I must look like a little girl who only recently got big enough to sit in the front seat.

I'm holding the cat in my arms. Its condition hasn't changed.

“Tortie is short for tortoiseshell, that's what fur like hers is called.”

I look down at her and smile, “Oh! I can see why it's called that. She's pretty.”

“Yeah,  she is. I try not to name the campus cats, but it's usually useful to be able to refer to them by color at least ” Suddenly his eyes get wide, “I just realized I didn't actually ask you if you wanted to come. Things were kind of a blur.”

I laugh, “It's okay. It was a blur for me too and I want to help Tortie.”

He smiles, “I can't say for sure, but I think she likes you. Normally when a cat is in distress, it's eyes are open at least a little bit. Like they have to monitor their surroundings just in case. Cats only close them all the way when they are comfortable.”

This chokes me up a little, since her eyes were open when I found her. I thought it was bad when she closed them. I guess I was wrong. She was happy I picked her up. She probably didn’t want to be alone. I hold her a little more firmly, hoping I am helping her a little more.

…

We just entered the Matsuzaka vet clinic. The waiting room is empty. There is a woman in medical scrubs in an office behind a sliding glass window. She's looking down at something. Daiki approaches the glass and knocks on it and says, “Hey mom, is dad available?”

I would have guessed she was his mom. She has curly hair and eyes the same color as her son's. She is a very small woman, though. Hard to tell with her at a desk, but I would guess she is only a little bigger than I am.

The woman looks up from her desk with raised eyebrows and slides the glass screen open, “Daiki? Did something happen with one of the cats?”

He nods and points to me and Tortie. Surprisingly, she smiles.  Then she looks at Daiki again with an even bigger smile.

“Well…she's a very cute cat.”

Daiki looks frustrated, “Mom, there's a cat suffering. Save this for another time. Or, better yet…don't do it at all. Is dad available or not?”

He just scolded his mother, something I can relate to. My dad needs a good scolding sometimes.  But I don’t understand why he scolded her. Tortie IS cute. 

…

We’re in an examination room. Daiki is standing and I’m sitting in a chair with Tortie in my lap. She hasn't changed at all.

Before long Daiki’s mother and a tall bald man with a salt and pepper goatee come in. He’s wearing a lab coat. I think in most rooms in Japan he would be the tallest man in the room. But his son is much bigger than he is. He doesn't share as many of his son's features as his mother, but there are some similarities in the way he carries himself. He gives off an aura of intelligence, like Daiki does.

“Hi son, sorry you had to come here today.”

“Yeah, sorry to barge in. I forgot to call.”

He smiles at me and Tortie and then looks at his wife, “You were right. She is a cute cat.”

Daiki sighs, “Will you please just examine the cat?”

I stand up with her near the examination table.

“D-do I need to let her go, sir?”

“There are some things I can do with you holding her. I'll do those first.”

He gets out his stethoscope and listens to her. He almost immediately frowns before moving his stethoscope around and listening some more. His frown never leaves his face.

After about 30 seconds he stops and says, “Her lungs are on their last legs. Filled with fluid.  It's probably cancer. And it is probably quite advanced, based on her condition.”

I look down at Tortie and back up at him and ask, “Wh-what can we do, sir?”

He smiles at me, “Unfortunately, the best we can do is help her go peacefully.”

I sniffle and look down at Tortie, “Oh.”

“Do you want to take her back and bury her?”

Daiki nods, “We'll bury her on campus, like the others.”

His dad nods and then his mother opens up a drawer. She starts pulling out syringes and other objects I don't recognize.

Daiki says, “You don't have to be here for this part, Nagisa.”

I do my best to speak as I start to cry, “I know. B-but…you said she's comfortable with me. S-so, I want to stay with her and keep her comfortable until she...goes”

Daiki's father nods, “Okay. You staying too, son?”

“Yeah, I'll stay.”

His mom grins, “ Interesting . You don't normally.”

“Mom, this isn't really the time for you to be weird. Just do your job.”

She nods and hands the syringe she prepared to her husband who says, “Okay. I'm going to give her this injection…and then she'll drift away peacefully.”

“C-can you do it while I'm holding her?”

He smiles, “I can. Ready?”

I nod as more tears start to fall down my face. I feel a warm sensation on my back, and it takes me a moment to realize it's Daiki's hand because it takes up a good three-quarters of my back. Not something most hands would do. Once I realize, it does have a comforting effect. Like a security blanket.

Daiki's dad gives Tortie the injection, and she almost immediately goes completely limp. A few seconds later, her labored breathing stops.  A few seconds after that, her eyes open. 

Dr. Matsuzaka listens to her with his stethoscope and quietly says, “She's gone. I'll take her. We have a nice box we can put her in.” 

I hesitate, because I haven't let go of Tortie since I found her. I don't want to let her go.  But then I come to my senses and hand her over to Mrs. Matsuzaka.

He says, “You two can stay here as long as you need.”

“Th-thanks, dad.”

Through my tears I manage to say, “Yes, th-thank you…Dr. and Mrs. Matsuzaka.”

He smiles and nods, “Of course.” Then they leave the examination room with Tortie.

I let out a few sobs, but then pull myself together. When I look up at my companion, I'm surprised to see I'm not the only one crying.  He’s composed unlike me, but there are tears on his cheeks.

He notices me looking at him and laughs awkwardly before wiping his tears, “This is why I can't go into the family business. I don't do well when animals pass. Sorry you had to see it.”

I smile up at him, “Don't be sorry. I think it's sweet you care so much about Tortie.”

He smiles back, “Yeah. I do my best not to get attached. Outdoor cats usually have short lives. But I do see the ones on campus a couple times a week, you know? And…realizing I won't see her anymore…makes me sad.”

I sniffle loudly and say, “Well, I just met her today, and I was sobbing a minute ago.”

He laughs, “That's true. You can get away with it though, you’re a girl.”

“Don’t worry, I won't let it get out that you cried over Tortie.”

He laughs, “Thank you for your discretion.”

Mrs. Matsuzaka comes back with a Tortie-sized wooden box. I take it and hold it to my chest, like I was holding her earlier.

She smiles at me and says, “So, can you two stay for dinner?”

Daiki sighs, “Mom. Read the room . A cat just died. We’re going to go back to campus and bury her as soon as possible.”

I nod, “B-but…thank you so much for the invitation, ma'am.”

She nods, “I’m sure we’ll have another chance some time soon. Drive safe, kids.”

Daiki picks up the box.

Only now that Daiki removes his hand from my back do I realize it has been there this whole time.

…

We're in the car, headed back to Yamaku.

“Sorry…my parents were…like that.”

“Like what? They were really sweet.”

Daiki chuckles, “Well…if you didn't notice anything, I don't need to bring it up.”

I look down at my hands, embarrassed I missed something. “I'm confused, so I guess I didn't notice.”

We're quiet for a while and then I say, “They are okay with you burying her on campus?”

He nods, “I have the approval of the groundskeeper. He was burying them before I ever came along, actually.”

I touch the box sitting between us, “That's good.”

…

My fellow drama club members and I are standing around a hole that Daiki dug behind the performing arts center. I’m holding Tortie’s box.

I was a little worried about Daiki digging because of his cane. I offered to do it and he did his best not to show it, but I think he got annoyed with me. More than he did when I offered to help him in the cafeteria. I need to stop doing that. He has a cane, but he really isn't that limited. He had no problem digging a hole. In fact, it was pretty effortless for him.

He says, “Nagisa, you can put her down, now.”

I nod and put Tortie’s box in the hole.

I step back and say, “Bye, Tortie. It was nice meeting you today. I'm glad you're not suffering anymore.”

I'm proud of myself for getting through that without being too choked up. I guess I already cried a bunch about her.

Daiki smiles, “Well said.” Then he picks up the shovel.

“W-wait! What was she like? I only knew her when she was sick.”

Daiki puts down the shovel and thinks for a moment, “Well…she was energetic and mischievous. If I was putting out food for them, if I wasn't paying attention she would sneak up and chew through the bag.” He laughs, “She was the most vocal cat I’ve ever known too. Meowed every time she saw me. Sometimes she even meowed while she was eating.”

Ken says, “Oh, yeah , I knew this cat too, then, didn't I? She's the one who lurked outside the boys dorm and looked for you when she got hungry?”

Daiki laughs, “Yep.”

Ken frowns, “She had a funny meow. Kind of whimsical. I'll miss you, Tortie.”

Chiyo says, “I didn't really know you Tortie, but you sound like my kind of cat. Rest easy.”

Daiki nods and picks up the shovel again, and before long she's covered by dirt. He picks up a big stone and puts it over her.

Once the little funeral is over, Chiyo walks up to me and says,  “Here.” She holds out my script to me. I take it, unsure of how she got it.

She says, “We found it outside the performing arts center, you probably dropped it when you found Tortie.”

“Oh! Woops. That was bad of me.”

Ken laughs, “A life is more important than your script.”

Chiyo gives an exaggerated gasp and pokes him in the chest, “You’re never gonna make it as an actor with that kind of thinking.”

…

“Well…that sounds like a tough day.”

It's late evening, and Akane has dropped by my room. We’re both sitting on my bed. She does this most days since the night of her break up. We just chat about our days and other little things. I just told her about Tortie.

“It was in some ways. I had never…seen a living thing pass away like that. But it was …kind of nice too. Being there for her.”

She smiles, “Yeah, I guess I can see that. I didn't realize Daiki was basically the cat caretaker. Where does he find the time to do that, drama club, and beat me on all the tests?”

I laugh, “I don't know. It is pretty impressive.”

She sighs, “I just think…the guy has to have some flaw, otherwise it's not fair. Like it's enough that he's smarter than me, but he's a better person than I am too?”

“Th-that's not true! You're both good people.”

Akane doesn't look convinced, so I change the subject.

“H-how are things going for you? With your student council friends.”

She sighs, “They're okay. I mean, Misha and I kept it a secret from Lilly and Shizune anyway, so pretending like nothing has changed is already our default mode. So it's easy.” She frowns, “In the moment…at least. The minute I’m alone in my room I feel pretty sad about it.”

I nod, “That's why you’ve been dropping by?”

She nods feebly, “Well, I also like talking to you. But…I do want to put off being alone as long as possible.” She frowns, “I’m…not bothering you, am I?”

“O-of course not! I like having you here. I-if it would help you, we could sleep in the same room too.”

She raises an eyebrow at me and grins, “I’m flattered. But I don't think I'm ready to move on just yet.”

“M-m-move on?” I blush, realizing her joke. Then I frown at her and cross my arms, “Y-you know what I meant.”

She laughs, “I do. Thanks. But…I probably do need to process it. Feel the sadness. Or it will just take longer to get over her. So, my room’s fine.”

She drapes her arm over my shoulders, “Thank you Nagisa…you’re literally the only person I can talk to about this. I think that really helps me process it too.”

“Y-you’re welcome. I wish…you could talk to people about it. If Misha was a boy you could.”

She nods, “Yeah. It kind of sucks being gay. It would certainly be simpler if I weren't. But, I don't seem to have a say in the matter.” She takes a breath and picks up my plush dango and gives it a squeeze. “Your room has kind of become a safe space for me, since that night a couple weeks ago. It’s very relaxing.”

“I’m glad.” I giggle, “You seem to really like my dango.”

She looks down at the plush in her arms with a confused expression, “This is a…dango? Like…the food?”

I sigh. 

I take it from her and turn it towards her so she can see the face. “Yeah, it’s a dango with a face, see? From the Great Dango Family.”

She says the words like they don’t belong together, “Great…dango…family?”

“Yes. They were in commercials some years ago. And you could even buy dangos at the store with cute little faces.” I hug the plush tight, “They are my favorite characters because they are cute and they take care of each other like a family should. There’s a whole family of them that have different faces and different colors. They even have a cute song.”

(Author’s Note: You can hear Nagisa sing the song here. Bonus points if you can do that without tearing up.)

I stand up with the dango in my arms and start singing the song for her, “Dango, dango, dango, dango, the great dango family / The mischievous roasted dango / The gentle bean jam dango-” 

Akane cracks up laughing and rolls around in my bed. I stop singing and sit back down feeling embarrassed. I frown and look down at the ground. She keeps laughing for a bit, but then notices I’ve stopped singing.

She looks at me guiltily, “Sorry…”

I shrug, “I-it’s okay. No one seems to feel the same way as me about them. At my old school either.  I don't know why I think anyone else will like them as much as me. I should have learned my lesson by now.”

“It’s adorable how passionate you are about it. And the cuteness and silliness of it all hit me just right to make me laugh. I needed a good laugh. But…I wasn’t making fun of you.”

I shrug, “If you say so.”

“I do have to agree that the plush is cute. I’d like to see the other colors. And the song is cute too.” She takes the dango back from me and hugs it, “And I do feel soothed when I snuggle it. So…I’m a fan of the Great Dango Family too, now. Thanks for introducing us.”

I smile at her, “R-really!?”

“Well, yeah.” She brandishes the plush.  “Who wouldn’t think this is one of the cutest things ever?”

Take that, Tomoya!

Chapter Text

“He’s fifteen minutes late, Akane. You can't keep us here.”

Our homeroom teacher is later than usual this morning. As usual, Ichiro is trying to get out of class.

Akane stands up in front of the class, glares at him, and crosses her arms, “Are you sure about that, Ichiro? Wanna try me?”

He looks away from her and scoffs, “One day off isn't gonna make us fail our exams. Loosen up. Try to relax .” He smirks at her, “You know, if you just chilled out sometimes, you'd probably have a boyfriend.”

Akane walks up to his desk and glares down at him with her hands balled into fists. Through gritted teeth she says, “You wanna say that again?”

“N-no. I…it's just…” He sighs and bows his head, “Sorry. That was going too far.”

Madoka, a popular blond girl who sits next to me giggles, “I think that was a confession. Talk about an odd couple. The class rep and the class delinquent.”

This results in loud laughter from the rest of the class including Daiki. He looks a little embarrassed when I catch him laughing, though.

Ichiro, Akane, and I aren't laughing. They are both bright red, but I think for different reasons. Ichiro is looking anywhere but at Akane, while Akane has shifted her rage to Madoka.

While glaring at her, through her still gritted teeth Akane says, “Alright everyone. That's enough of that. Get out the worksheets we were working on yesterday.”

Everyone groans, but also does exactly what she says. You’d have no idea that she's actually a sweet and surprisingly delicate girl when we spend time together. In here, she's stern and a little scary. And people do what she says.

As I open my desk to get out the worksheet, I'm surprised to hear Akane call my name. When I look up,  she gestures for me to come talk to her. When I walk up to her she gets close and whispers,  “Go find Mr. Suzuki. He's probably in the teacher's room and just lost track of time. As per usual.”

“M-me?”

She nods, “I'd do it, but I think we'd have a mutiny on our hands if I left the room. And he likes you more than me, so that helps.”

I sigh, nod, and step out into the hall. Eventually I find myself in front of the teachers’ room, but I'm nervous about going inside. 

I clench my eyes shut, whisper, “Dorayaki,” to myself, and slide the door open.

The room consists of a dozen empty desks. Class is in session right now, so there aren't any teachers here. Except one.

Mr. Suzuki is sitting hunched over his desk, scribbling something on paper and muttering to himself. He looks very intense.

He's a short, chubby bald man in his 60s, who has a gray beard. He's our homeroom and Japanese teacher. He's a very nice man who is the best Japanese teacher I have ever had. He even made classical poetry really interesting and fun. I have never looked forward to lessons in the subject before.

But he seems to use a different clock than the rest of us. As good as he is once he's in the classroom, he rarely gets there on time.

And right now he seems completely unaware of my presence.

I try clearing my throat, but get no response. Next, I call his name, but get nothing. 

I sigh, walk up next to him, say his name again, and put my hand on his shoulder.

He jumps when my hand makes contact with him, and looks around in confusion. Then he smiles at me and says, “Ah, Furukawa. You're here early today. Have some questions about the homework?”

I smile back at him, “U-um…yes sir. But it's time for class now.”

He gets out an old pocket watch and looks at it before laughing at himself, “Oh…dear me. It is well past time. I've done it again, haven't I?”

I laugh, “Just a little.”

He stands up, carefully puts the paper he was scribbling on his briefcase and snaps it shut. We walk to class together.

As we head to class I ask, “W-what's on that paper, sir?”

He laughs, “Oh, I'm just trying to figure out the last line of a poem.”

“You don't understand it? I thought you understood everything about Japanese, sir.”

He chuckles, “You're too generous. But it's actually a poem I'm writing.”

“Oh! That's amazing. I'd like to read it when you finish, sir.”

We reach our classroom and he smiles at me, “You know, some of your poetry for the last assignment was quite intriguing. I'd talk about it with you now if I wasn't already 20 minutes late.” He winks at me, and I laugh. “We can discuss it some other time. Thank you for coming to fetch me. You're much nicer about it than our stern class rep. Sometimes she makes me feel like a student.”

I laugh, “You're welcome sir.”

Akane has stopped by my room for one of our evening hangouts. 

“Sorry for sending you on that errand today. Class was kind of a nightmare this morning, huh?”

I laugh, “A little. But you kept it under control.”

She chuckles,  “I’m glad I kept myself under control. I was this close to slapping Ichiro.” She holds her thumb and index finger very close to one another, “‘You'd get a boyfriend.’  Please. Hey guess what Ichiro, I don't want one!” She shakes her head, “Madoka though.” She crosses her arms and shakes her head, “Saying he confessed. Ridiculous, right?”

“”Um…actually. After today…I think maybe…Ichiro likes you. It was the way he got flustered and blushed.”

She scoffs, “No way . He's been a daily pain in my ass for three years. And he’s a total playboy. I don't think he has the capacity to actually like someone.”

“W-well, he's immature, right?”

“Obviously.”

“Don't some immature boys flirt by being annoying?”

Akane thinks for a moment, but then shakes her head.

“What does it matter anyway? Obviously I'm never dating him. Hell, even if I were straight I’m pretty sure he'd be at the bottom of the list.”

“I-I know, but…I guess I feel for him, a little.”

Akane rolls her eyes, “That's probably all part of his plan. He's had his eyes on you since day one. Minute one , even.”

“H-he has?”

Akane chuckles and shakes her head, “Remember? He wanted you to sit in his lap?”

“O-oh. I thought it was just a joke.”

“It was kind of a joke, I guess. But he would have gladly let you sit there, trust me. He's into you. Not me. This is probably some scheme.”

“Scheme?”

“Yeah, he wants to pretend to be heartbroken. Knows you're a sweet little thing. So you'll eat that up and then he'll have you in the palm of his hand. That's when he will seduce you.”

I cross my arms and frown at Akane, “Y-you're making me sound very easy to fool…”

She scratches her cheek and chuckles, “ Welll…”

I shake my head at Akane, “ I think he likes you . A-and I'm not going to get….s-s-seduced… just because I feel bad for him.”

Akane chuckles and pats my head, “You're so cute. ‘Seduced’ isn’t a bad word, you know. You're still a good girl even though you said it.”

I push her hand off of my head, “I-I know it isn't!”

“Oh come on , you barely got it out and you whispered the freaking word.”

I cross my arms and huff at her, “You're not being very nice to me tonight.”

Akane sighs, “You're right. I'm sorry. The truth is…I don't want to deal with this Ichiro thing. So I'm being silly and teasing you.”

I uncross my arms, “What do you mean?”

She frowns, “I don't want people to know about me, y'know? And any time this happens…I'm worried people will figure it out. I mean, everyone in class today was talking about the fact that I've never had a boyfriend. That's like the first step towards them finding out. A-and…it freaked me out.”

“Oh. I see what you mean. I-it's come up before?”

She nods, “I've turned a couple guys down. Makes it through the grapevine pretty quickly around here. I've said…I want to focus on school. But…”

“You're worried if it happens again people will know?”

Akane nods, “I'm paranoid about it probably. But…it's like…my biggest fear. Everyone knowing I'm gay. So…I can't shake being worried any time this happens.”

“I-It must be so hard. Having secret relationships. Not letting people know that whole part of you.”

She frowns, “It really is. That's why I'm so glad I have you. No one else knows the real me. Well, except Misha.”

“What would happen? If people knew, I mean.”

Akane sighs and hugs herself, “Well, I'd probably be expelled, to start with.”

My jaw drops, “E-expelled?”

She nods, “Yamaku is good with disabilities. Not so good with this.” She sighs, “I guess I can't say for sure. The rules say any kind of sexual relationship or activity on campus is against the rules, but that's never really enforced. But…I think gay stuff is more likely to get punished. I think they'd find a reason.”

“That's not fair.”

She laughs wryly, “Tell me about it. Even if I didn't get expelled, everyone would look at me differently. Homosexuality is still so taboo in this country. I mean…if I ever meet the girl of my dreams, it isn't like we can get married, you know?”

I frown, “I…I hadn't thought about that. So…your whole life, you'll have to keep it a secret?”

She sighs, “I don't know. When I was…with Misha, I thought about our future some. It was pretty depressing. Maybe we'd live together and claim to be ‘room-mates,’ or something like that.”

“I hate this.”

She laughs, “I didn't think you could hate anything.”

“W-well I hate this! You aren't allowed to be with the person you love. And tell people about it. I always…think about my future. F-falling in love with a guy, living with him, getting married, having a baby…I-it isn't right that you can't have any of that. Not like I can. Love’s something everyone should have.” 

I clench my eyes shut as I feel a few tears coming. I'm too late, and a few run down my cheeks.

She's the one who has to deal with it and I'm the one crying. I'm such a child.

Akane puts her arm over my shoulders so I open my eyes.  She wipes my tears and then smiles at me, “Well…you make me feel a little better about it. Maybe…there are enough people like you out there. Maybe it will get better in the future.”

“I hope so. I think…if it doesn't, you should move somewhere else. I think love is just…so important for people to be happy.”

Akane chuckles, “Too bad you don't like girls. We could run away together to a lesbian utopia.”

“Wh-what?!”

She giggles and ruffles my hair, “I'm just kidding. Calm down. Although how red you just turned is pretty cute.”

I frown at her as my only response.

She sighs, “Sorry, sorry. I'm trying to change the subject again.” She puts a hand on my shoulder, “Seriously, truly. It means a lot that you don’t only accept me. You also really feel for me. You…imagine what it would be like in my shoes and all that.”

I nod, “Of course. You're my friend and I want you to be happy and…it sounds so hard for you. Anyway, if teasing me helps you feel better…I can put up with it.”

Akane laughs, “No, no. I've been mean enough for the night.”

I'm heading to the costume shop for club activities. I stop, though, when I see a familiar face waving to me on the other side of the sidewalk. I should probably go over to him because of his cane.

I cross the grass and say, “H-hey Ichiro, you need something?”

“Can I…talk to you about something?”

Was Akane right? I better keep my guard up in case. 

“Um…s-sure. I have to get to club but I have a few minutes.”

We take a seat on a bench and I make sure we are sitting as far apart as possible.

He laughs, “I know class rep has you weary of me. And…I guess I did hit on you on the first day of the trimester. But, I'm not trying to do any of that. I really just want to talk.”

I nod for him to continue.

“You're pretty tight with the class rep, right?”

I nod, “We hang out most nights.”

“Good, that's what I want to talk about.”

I gesture for him to continue. I'm still unsure if he's being genuine. I don't want to be as gullible as Akane thinks I am.

He sighs, “I never really realized it until Madoka made that stupid little joke. But…I do like Akane. I've always thought she was cute. Made pissing her off more fun” He laughs and then sighs, “But I think…it's actual feelings now.”

It seems like the truth to me.

“What makes you think it's different now?"

“I find myself…wanting to spend time with her. Wanting to get to know her for real.” He smiles, “I mean, I know all the best ways to piss her off, but I'd like to know other stuff too. Her favorite food, her plans after Yamaku.” His face flushes, “I…don't have a chance, do I. She hates my guts, right?”

“Sh-she…doesn't hate you.”

He laughs wryly, “You didn't answer the other question.”

I frown and look down at my hands.

Akane is worried people might find out about her if she has to turn him down. But…it isn't like she's going to date him either, so there isn't really any other option.

I can answer his question without revealing anything.

This is gonna hurt him. But Akane would probably be really mean about it.

I look back up at him, “Y-you’re right. You don't have a chance. I’m sorry.”

He sighs, “Kinda figured. Still sucks to hear it. Guess I shouldn't have been such a jerk to her all through high school.”

“I’m sorry. I-if you want to talk about it, we can. B-but I bet you don't want to talk to her friend.”

He nods, “Yeah, thanks. But I have people to talk to. Thanks for being straight with me.” He stands up and gives me a wave, “Talk to you later.”

…

“What?! Seriously?”

Akane's in my room, and I just told her what happened with Ichiro today.

I nod, “Don't worry, I told him he didn't have a chance.”

Suddenly there's a look of panic on her face, “Y-you didn't tell him why , right?”

I cross my arms and frown at her.

“I-I'm just checking! You're not much of a liar, so…I need an answer.”

“No. I didn't tell him. I wasn't sure what to say…but he asked if he had a chance and I said no. Are you worried?”

She sighs, “A little. But…oh well. It can't be helped. You turning him down for me is better, I think. I'm sure it will be fine. These guys need to stop confessing. Would make my life easier.”

“You know, I have never had a boy confess. This is the closest I've ever been.”

She looks genuinely stunned, “S-seriously?”

I nod.

“Well, I'd be surprised if that's true by the end of the year. Ichiro didn't try anything funny?”

“I don't think so. He's coming by in 20 minutes to talk about his feelings, though. He said he's most comfortable talking on a bed in a girl's dorm.”

I almost laughed at the end. Glad I held it in.

For a moment, Akane's eyes get wide but then she laughs. 

“You almost had me. But you have a silly smile on your face and sounded like you were about to crack up laughing at the end. Might wanna work on that as a budding actress.”

Just as Akane finishes making fun of me, my phone rings on my nightstand, making both of us jump.

It’s too early for my daily phone call with my parents.

Akane is sitting closer to my phone and picks it up and looks at it, “It looks like it’s…Kotomi-chan?”

Of course that's how she put her name in my phone.

“Oh! I haven’t heard from her in a little while. I should probably take it.”

Akane nods, “Do you want me to go?”

“Only if you want to.”

Akane shakes her head, “I’ll stay and work on some homework.”

I nod and then answer the call, “H-hi, Kotomi-chan”

“Nagisa. It is good to hear your voice.”

“Y-yours too.”

“I'm on the way home from university and I was thinking of you. I wanted to say…I miss you.”

I smile, “I miss you too.”

“How has your health been?”

“Good so far. I worry I'll get sick…but the medical staff here is nice. And prepared for it.”

“That's wonderful. I'm very happy for you.”

“Yes, i-it's thanks to you that things are going so much better.”

“I'm glad I helped. You've helped me quite a lot too. That's what friends do.”

“Yes, that's right. How are things for you?”

“Lovely. I'm enjoying university very much. I can spend all my time in the library and get praised for it here! No one thinks I'm strange. And there have been no bullies.”

I chuckle, “That's great.”

“I am almost home. Tomoya is supposed to have dinner ready for me. Can you believe it?”

“N-no…I really can't. You um…really have turned him into a good man.”

She laughs, “He was always good. He was when we were little too. He just talked like a bully sometimes. He never really was one.”

I feel a few tears run down my cheek. Embarrassed, I turn away from Akane.

“Y-yeah. You’re right.”

“Okay, I’m going to go. It was lovely speaking with you. I’m glad things seem to be going well there. Let's talk again, okay?”

“Yeah, I’m glad things are going well for you too.”

I hang up the phone and wipe my tears with my sleeve. When I turn around, I notice that Akane is looking at me with concern. I smile at her 

“I…don’t think I like this ‘Kotomi-chan.’” She does a childish high-pitched voice and makes quotes with her fingers when she says her name.

“What? Why?”

“She made you cry. What’d she say to you!?”

“H-how do you know I cried?”

“Even from behind I could tell you were wiping away tears. What did she do to make you cry?! I'll call her back if I have to.”

“N-nothing. She was just updating me about her life. Some of it…hurts a little. She’s the friend who ended up with the boy I’m in love with. Tomoya.”

Akane raises her eyebrows, “Then…why talk to her at all?”

I smile, “Because she’s my friend.”

Akane scoffs, “You’re too nice. How can you be friends with the person who stole away the person you love?”

I laugh, “I-it wasn’t like that. I didn’t have him. So…she didn't steal him. I never told him I loved him. Never told her, either.”

“Oh. Well…I still don’t like that she made you cry. Even if she doesn’t know it. So…I still don’t like her.”

“But she’s the reason I’m here and doing better with my health.”

Akane raises an eyebrow, “How?”

“Well…she’s a genius. Like a real genius. She'll have her first college degree at the end of this year.”

Akane's eyes get wide and she gestures for me to continue.

“When I got sick last time she did a bunch of research and figured out what my doctors needed to do.”

“Oh.” She pauses for a moment and then frowns, “Dammit. You’re making this complicated! I just want to hate her!”

I giggle, “Sorry.”

“Ugh, fine . I guess I like her.”

“Why are you mad about it?”

“She’s with the guy you’re in love with. It's like my duty to hate her but…I’m also really glad you transferred here so we could be friends. And I am glad you are doing better with your health. So I’ll give her a pass. I’m noble like that.”

I laugh, “Glad to hear it.”

I'm in the library doing some research on wartime Japan. I'm sitting at a table with three books. One about women's lives in the time period, one about Hiroshima during and after the war, and one about fashion at the time. That last one might sound silly compared to the other two, but I am helping Chiyo with costumes.

I'm also trying to get in my character's head, like Ken said. I already knew that it was a difficult time to be alive, but diving deeper into the time period makes me feel really bad for my character. There was so much violence and death. And she died because of that war. So did her entire family apart from her daughter. I have a hard time understanding why anyone on either side thought going to war was a good idea.

My thoughts are interrupted by a friendly, “Hey there.”

I look up and smile at my friend who is holding a few books of his own, “Hi, Daiki.”

He smiles, “Hard at work I see. You do know you can take the books out of the library, right?”

“Yes, I do. But I'm also waiting for someone.”

“Chiyo?”

“No.”

“Akane?”

I shake my head.

He raises an eyebrow, “Meeting up with a guy who left you a confession note in your shoe locker?”

“Wh-what?! No. Th-that…doesn't happen to me.”

“ That's an obvious lie. If you want me to get lost to meet your potential paramour, I can.”

“P-paramour?”

He laughs, “Okay, if it's not any of that, who are you meeting?”

I glance towards the bean bags, “I don't know her name. But there was a girl here who recommended Living with Father , and I was going to tell her we’d be doing it and invite her to come. I thought maybe she was here a lot…she reminded me a bit of a friend who spent all her time in the library.”

He looks towards where I’m looking, “Ah, I see. A girl with long dark hair?”

I nod, “You know her?”

He shakes his head, “I’m in the library a lot and so is she. But we’ve never spoken and I don't know her name. She started showing up here last year though, so I think she’s a second year.”

“I see.  Well, if she's here that much, I’ll have another chance to invite her.”

“That's true. Pretty amazing she spoke to you. I’ve tried greeting her since we see eachother so much. I gave up real fast because she didn't ever respond. I’ve never seen her talk to anyone else, either. I thought maybe she was deaf or mute.”

“She spoke to me. But in a very quiet whisper, and with a book covering her face. And she was very uncomfortable.”

He frowns, “I see. So it's probably…anxiety. Well…glad I left her alone, then.”

I stand up and start putting my books away, “Well, I’ll try again another time.”

“You want to go get a bite to eat in the cafeteria?”

I smile, “Sure.”

Daiki and I leave the library together. I’m heading towards the elevator, assuming that's best for him since he has a cane. But Daiki turns towards the stairs, surprising me.

“Sh-shouldn't we take the elevator, just to be safe?”

Daiki flatly says, “I never use the elevator. This is fine.”

“O-okay. B-but…it's right there. Why don't you want to use it?”

He snaps at me, “Does it matter? I said I don't need to. That all that matters, Nagisa.”

I clench my eyes shut, so I don't have to see how angry he is, “Y-you’re right. I'm sorry.”

He sighs and gently says, “You don't need to say sorry. You're trying to look out for me and I was a jerk about it. I'm the one who’s sorry.”

I open my eyes and see that he has a gentle smile, which makes me feel better.

“Well…I still think I need to apologize. I need to do better at trusting you about this kind of thing. I keep annoying you.”

He smiles, “Well, maybe a little. But I know you mean well. Either way, you don't deserve to be spoken to that way.”

I nod and smile back, “Okay. So we’re both sorry. Shall we go down the stairs now?”

He nods, “You really don't need to worry. I always do the stairs with my cane. No problems so far. I go nice and slow and hold on to the bar, I promise.” 

I nod and get ready to go down the stairs but Daiki says, “Let me go first, though. If I do fall, I don't want to take you out with me.”

I frown at him and he laughs, “It’s mostly a joke. But better safe than sorry.”

I want to say “Using the elevator is better safe than sorry too!” But I know he won't listen. 

“Is it…okay if I choose the same color as yours?”

It’s Sunday evening and I'm in Chiyo's room. We spent most of the day in the club room working on costumes. When we got back to the dorms, she offered to do my nails again.

She laughs, “Yeah, why wouldn't it be?”

“M-maybe you don't want to match with me.”

“I actually think it’d be pretty cute if we matched. It's a little dorky too, but that's okay.”

I laugh as she starts to paint my nails bright red like hers.

I have a question I've wanted to ask for a while, but we haven't been alone together in private very often.

“How are things with Ken?”

She sighs, “More of the same. I just can't find the courage.”

“Well…now that I've seen more of you together…I think he might like you too. I know…that doesn't solve all your problems.”

She smiles, “It helps some. I think he does, sometimes. So it's good to hear from the outside.”

She finishes my nails and sighs, “I think maybe I'm just making excuses at this point, but I was thinking it'd be best to wait until after we're done with the play, anyway.”

I nod, “That makes sense.”

“Does it? It doesn't sound like I'm trying to put it off?”

“No. It will give you more time doing your romantic scenes together, so hopefully it gets easier for you.”

“Yeah, and no matter how it goes, I think it might be a distraction for us during the performance.”

“That's true, too.”

“Yeah, we got some news recently that makes it a little more high stakes, too.”

I don't like the sound of that. I don’t know if I can handle extra pressure.

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“You know that student acting troupe we were in last summer?”

I nod.

“Well, the guy who was the director of that is now the director of a real acting troupe. Like, one that pays. He and some of his colleagues are coming to the play. And…if they like it, Ken and I might have jobs come Spring.”

I start to feel a little queasy.

“O-oh. That's…good.”

She frowns at me, “You're very pale. Are you feeling okay?”

This is an amazing opportunity for them. I don't need to make her feel bad about this.

I smile, “It just made me a little nervous. B-but I'm more excited than nervous. That's great!”

She smiles, “Yeah, making money as an actor is pretty hard. So…I want to do it while I can, even if it only lasts a year or something. And even if the pay is bad. Ken does too.”

What if I get sick and they can't do the play at all? What happens then!? Will I ruin their lives?

I force another smile, “W-well…I hope you get to do that, then.”

I just hope I don't weigh you down and ruin your future. 

Chapter Text

I’m in the clubroom pretty late tonight. Our on-stage rehearsals start in two weeks, and I’m still not doing a great job with the dialect or even remembering my lines. So I’m working extra extra hard to get it all down. Ken lent me a tape recorder and suggested I start recording myself so I can hear what I sound like. So, I'm doing that too.

But, I’ve reached my limit for the day. 

As I’m just about to leave the performing arts center, I hear music coming from the band room, which is odd for this time of night. Then I hear the music stop, and I hear some very loud banging sounds. I stop outside the door for a minute. Then I hear a girl scream angrily. 

I don't know what I’m about to walk into…but maybe they need help. I'll just peek first.

I slowly crack the door, and see Saki. At first I breathe a sigh of relief that it's someone I know. But then I remember what I heard, and see what she's doing now, and I don't feel relieved at all.

She's sitting down and crying into her hands. There are music stands that have been knocked to the ground in front of her, and her violin is face down a good 4 meters away from her.

I go through the door as quietly as I can, but then I start to think this was a bad idea. I want to help if I can. But I don't know her very well. She may not want me here.

She looks up and sees me and she tenses up.  I get really scared.  But then, to my surprise, she laughs. It's a strange sight with her tear-stained face.

“This isn't what I meant when I said you could watch me play. What are you even doing here?”

I wring my hands together and look at my feet. “I-I'm in drama club…I was staying late and working on my lines. I was walking by and h-heard you.”

“A likely story. Are you sure you're not following me? Are you in love with me?” She gasps. “Is that why talking about boys with me made you nervous?”

“Y-you’re…very pretty, but I don't love you.”

She chuckles and tilts her head to the side, “Jokes are hard for you, aren't they?”

I nod with my eyes closed, feeling embarrassed, “S-sometimes. When I'm nervous.”

 She sighs, “Can you bring me my violin?”

I nod and pick it up off the ground and walk over to her. I hand it to her. She examines it and then looks relieved. “Looks like it escaped any serious damage. My dad would not have been happy if I needed a new one.” She pushes something on the ground with her foot. “ That's probably beyond repair though.”

I now notice her bow is broken in half and at her feet.

She looks up at me, noticing I backed up a little after handing her the violin. She looks embarrassed. “I…know I did something kind of scary a minute ago, but you aren't my violin. So…you're safe. I promise.”

I sit down in the chair next to her.  “A-are you okay?”

She frowns, “No. No, I'm… really not.”

“D-do you want to talk about it?”

She sighs and looks at me. “Nagisa, I don't know you very well. This is…what, our second real conversation? And that's being generous.”

I nod, “Okay. I understand. I hope you feel better.”

I stand up and make it halfway to the door when she asks, “Ever had a boyfriend?”

Confused, I turn around and say, “Huh?”

She looks surprisingly bashful, “I-I’m trying to get to know you better…s-see if I want to talk about it.”

I smile, “Um…n-no. You?”

She sighs, “Yeah. Had one last year. Broke up because he's an asshole though.”

“O-oh.”

She laughs, “I bet you haven't even kissed a guy have you?”

I blush and close my eyes and shake my head.

“Sorry. I know this kind of talk embarrasses you. But…what I have to say is kind of embarrassing, so I’m warming up.”

I nod, “I-it's okay. I’m almost 20…I should be able to talk about…b-boys.”

Her eyes go wide. “You’re twenty ?”

I nod. “Um…almost. I get sick a lot. So finishing school has been hard.”

Saki frowns, “That sucks . Well as a 19-year-old, I bet you've been in love.”

I feel my face get hot. I nod, and Saki laughs.

“Come back and sit with me, please.”

I do as she asks and then she smirks at me, “So, spill it. Is it one of those drama club boys? They're both pretty cute, so I could definitely see it.”

I shake my head. “A boy at my old school. He was…my friend's boyfriend, though.”

Saki grins, “That's unexpectedly spicy for you.”

“S-spicy?”

She laughs, “Yeah. Wanting your friend's boyfriend seems…a little naughty . I had you pegged as a good girl.”

“W-well…I loved him before they got together.  I…just didn't tell him.”

I must have sounded upset because Saki’s grin becomes a frown, “That…probably sucked for you.”

“A l-little. But we were all good friends and it was nice. The hardest part was getting sick…and watching him…and all my friends graduate and move on…while I was stuck in bed for months.”

Saki shakes her head. “Sucks when your body just lets you down, doesn't it?”

I nod.

She takes a deep breath. “Well…you told me a bit about your health thing…let me tell you a bit about mine. I…also know what it's like to have your body betray you.”

She puts her hand on her cane. “You know how I have this, right?”

I nod.

“Well…it's because I have trouble moving my legs. But…it's going to spread to other places too.” Her voice becomes strained, “L-lately…I've started to really feel it in my hands for the first time.” She outstretches her hands in front of herself. “P-playing violin is harder…than it used to be…I was trying to practice extra, to make up for it…but, it doesn't make a difference…and I got really frustrated…and well…” She gestures towards the broken bow at her feet, “...you can see the result.” 

I hug her and she lets out a surprised grunt, But then she hugs me back.

“I w-wish there was something I could do…b-but this is the best I came up with.”

“Well…it is pretty nice.”

“D-don't give up.”

“Huh?”

“I know…your health is making it hard. But…don't give up. I'm used to my health…getting in the way. And…it's hard. But I don't give up. I'll just keep trying. Even if I'm 30 when I graduate.”

Saki laughs, “I see your point. I'm not going to give up. But…it’s so frustrating…most people improve at a skill over time. Not me. Not anymore. I’m just going to get worse . At something I’m good at and love doing.”

I nod, “I'm not talented…so I can't relate to that part. But…I still think you should keep going. As long as you can.”

She's silent for a moment and then she says, “You go around hugging boys like this and we’ll get you that kiss in no time. You even smell nice.”

I break the hug and frown at her. 

She laughs, “Sorry, sorry. I didn't want to start crying, so I teased you instead.” She nods, “You’re right. I gotta keep going. Just like Nagisa the Tough.”

“T-tough?”

“Yeah, what's wrong with that?”

“…doctors have called me weak my whole life. I don't think anyone has ever called me tough. I-it…doesn't sound right.”

She scoffs, “ People are dumb. Doctors are dumb. Give them your condition, see how they do. Most people would give up on school. But not you. That's toughness.”

I smile, “Th-thank you. I…hadn't thought of it that way.”

She nods. “I was already thinking I'd keep going as long as I possibly can…but, you definitely gave me some extra perspective and motivation. So, thank you .”

“I’m just glad I could help a little.”

She stands up and starts to put her violin away. 

“So, any Yamaku boys you have your eye on?”

I sigh, “W-why are you teasing me again?”

“Oh. I didn't mean to. I was just curious. You don't like talking about this kind of thing at all, huh? You have an easier time talking about your health than boys?”

I shrug, “I guess so. I haven't really thought about any of the boys here.”

“Ah, I see. Still hung up on the boy back home?”

“Maybe. I've been doing better about it since I came here. I don't think about him that much. But I also haven't thought about any of the boys here.”

She nods and then looks thoughtful for a moment, “Yeah, I guess…I'm not that interested in dating either after my ex.”

She finishes packing up her violin and says, “Well…we should probably get going. We're not nerdy enough to be doing club stuff this late in the evening.”

We head for the exit while we continue to chat.

I laugh, “I'm nervous about the play and spending a lot of time here, so I think I'm a nerd.”

Saki laughs, “Yeah, maybe. When is it anyway? I'd be interested in seeing you up on a stage.”

“It's in about six weeks. When is your next concert?”

“We have one at the school festival.”

“I'll make sure I come and see you, too.”

I'm in my room doing my homework. It's a holiday weekend. Many students went home, including Akane and my drama club friends. I didn't because my parents couldn't afford it. It's been very quiet in the dorms the last two nights.

This is why I am surprised to hear a knock on my door. When I open it, I see Akane. And she looks sad. Not as sad as when Misha dumped her, but it still isn't good.

“C-can I come in?”

“Of course.”

She smiles softly, comes in, and flings herself on my bed. She lays down and starts snuggling my dango like she’s in her own room. It makes me laugh.

I sit down on the bed next to her and say, “I thought you were with your dad this weekend.”

She sighs and rolls on her side so she can look at me, “He was a complete jerk to me. So, I came back.”

“What did he do?”

“He’s just…mad about some of my choices and it makes it hard to talk to him sometimes.”

“Oh. You mean-”

She laughs, cutting me off, “No. Not that . He’s fine with that, actually. I’ve been out to my parents since I was 15. And…that isn’t a choice , by the way.”

“Y-you’re right. I’m sorry.”

She grins, “That’s okay. I know you didn’t mean anything bad by it. I mentioned my dad being mad about something…not a huge leap to think it's that.”

“So, if it isn’t that, what is it? What choice doesn't he like?”

She sighs, “It’s…something that’s hard to explain to someone who isn’t deaf.”

“Oh.”

She smiles, “I’ll try my best, though.”

I nod, hoping I can help my friend.

“Let's see…where to start. Hmm…I guess we haven't really talked about my family, huh? Or my hearing?”

I shake my head.

“Okay, let's start there. Both of my parents are completely deaf. I was born with very, very limited hearing. 90% deaf, or so.”

“W-wow…and, your hearing aids are so good that you can hear like most people?”

She nods, “More or less.” She brushes her hair back and taps the ear piece, “It’s more than just a regular hearing aid, though. I had surgery when I was 2. There is an actual device in here. They are called cochlear implants.” She taps on the side of her head. Then she points to the earpiece and the other part on her scalp. “These two pieces take in sound and use signals to communicate with the implant, which relays it to my brain, pretty much. I don’t quite hear like you do, but it mimics your kind of hearing.”

“Um…is that also why your accent is…different?”

She nods, “Yeah, I think the way I sound is how people sound to me, which obviously isn’t…quite right to your ear.” She frowns,  "It isn't…bad, is it?”

I shake my head, “I’ve always understood you, but you have a distinct way of speaking. I-It isn’t a bad thing. I…kind of like it, actually.”

She smiles up at me, “Well, good.” Then she sighs, “Anyway, my dad doesn't like cochlear implants.”

“Huh? He doesn't want you to be able to hear?”

“This…is the part that’s hard for the non-hearing impaired to understand.” She pauses for a moment and furrows her brow. I think she's weighing how best to explain it. I hope I can understand.

Her brow unfurrows and she says, “So…some deaf people don't view deafness as a medical condition that should be cured. They view deafness as a culture and part of someone’s identity. Just like…being Japanese. Or Buddhist. These people are very opposed to cochlear implants. My dad is one of them.”

I feel confused for a moment so I shut my eyes as I slowly piece things together. Once I do I open my eyes and hesitantly say, “So…that means…your dad…thinks you abandoned your culture?”

She nods and then grimaces, “Pretty much.”

“But…wait…how did you get the implants if he didn't want you to? Why didn't he stop it back then?”

She laughs wryly, “My family dynamics aren't like most people's. He wasn't around when I was 2. Because my parents never married and were never even in a serious relationship. They just…hooked up a few times in college. My dad didn't even know I existed until he bumped into me and my mom at the supermarket when I was 9.”

I raise my eyebrows, “Wow. I knew your parents weren't together…but not this.”

“Yeah, it was quite the surprise for him. To his credit…he has since then helped my mom out and been a big part of my life. And he’s mostly supportive and loving.”

I smile, “That's good.”

She smiles, “It is. He has a whole family and everything, and his wife is sweet to me. And I have two little sisters who are fun to play with and they adore me.”

I smile, “That's sounds really nice.”

She smiles, “It really is.” Then she sighs and knits her eyebrows, “ Except , for all the stuff with my implants.” She gestures towards the side of her head. “Like, he makes me take off all of this when I go over. So his kids don't get influenced by me. And in general, he doesn't like that I have them.”

“But…you were two. By the time he met you it was already done. It wasn’t really a choice you made. It's n-not fair for him to be mad about it.”

“You’re right, but I could choose to abandon them. That’s what he wants.”

I frown, “It would be hard for us to talk without them. S-so I like them.”

Akane smiles, “Well, I'm going to keep using them, don't worry. But…you could always learn sign language.” She winks. “I could even tutor you.”

I nod, “That’s true.”

She sighs, “Anyway, asking me not to wear them when I’m with him and his family is one thing. It annoys me a little, but I understand. I’m at his house after all. And he doesn't want his kids to get implants.  But…that isn't where it ends. It isn’t only about them. He complains that I live life like a hearing person, too. Constantly. ”

“What does that mean?”

“Well, he’s the reason I came here. Before Yamaku, I went to regular school. He wanted me to go to a school for the deaf. Yamaku was sort of a compromise. He’s still not happy about it, though. Says he wishes I went to other schools constantly. Says he wishes I was more involved with deaf culture constantly.”

I frown, “S-so…he wants you to be more like him and his family?”

“Pretty much. It's frustrating because I feel like I am very tapped into deaf culture. His frustration with me would make more sense if I abandoned sign language. Many with implants do. But I haven't! I still use it every day. It's how I talk to my family and friends. I tutor sign language students, most of which aren’t hearing impaired at all, so I’m actually helping to spread deaf culture!  I want to teach at a school for the deaf, or at least teach sign language.” She squeezes the dango and looks down as her voice breaks, “I think I’ve even made some of those choices to make him proud of me…b-but it isn't enough. He never praises me, just tells me everything I do is wrong. It makes me feel…like I'm not good enough.”

I put my hand on her shoulder, “So, the fight was about all of this?”

She starts to sniffle and nods, “We talked about where I’ll go to university next year. He wants me to go to Tsukuba, because that’s where he and my mom went and they have a school for the deaf there. I told him I wanted to go to a regular university. He got pissed and we started arguing.” She sighs, “Neither of us actually used our voices of course, but the way we were signing would be equivalent to screaming at the top of our lungs. We were fighting in front of my little sisters too, which really made him mad. He…told me to get out of his house if I wasn't going to show him respect. So…I did.”

She starts to cry softly, “I just want to have a relationship with him. He's my dad. I love him. B-but…he makes it so hard. I just…I want him to be proud of me. To think I'm doing the right thing, b-b-but…he doesn't even like who I am…” She trails off and puts the dango to her face and starts to cry into it.

I can't imagine what it would be like to have a parent who won't accept such a big part of you. I'm very thankful for my parents.

As she continues to cry, I lay down next to her. Remembering the last time she cried in my room, I get close to her so that I can reach around her and stroke her hair and rub her back.

After a few minutes, she stops crying and removes the plush from her face and looks me in the eyes for a moment with a small smile on her face. I smile back, glad to see she is feeling a little better from my efforts. With the plush out of the way, I realize now that our faces are very close. 

In the next instant her lips are on mine. They feel soft. And warm. And moist. They taste salty from her tears. Now her arms are around me and she’s pulling me even closer to her.

Wait…what!?

I pull my lips away, while also pushing on her gently.

Her eyes get wide. She pulls her arms back and puts her hand to her lips and looks away from me. She looks like she might start crying again. 

I try to say something. But nothing comes out.

She quickly puts distance between us and gets off the bed. She walks towards the door without saying anything.

I continue trying to say something, anything. But I can't. I don't know what to say.

She opens the door and she looks at me for a moment. Then she quietly, and tearfully says, “…sorry.” She closes the door behind her before I can respond.

I sit up on my bed, dumbfounded by what just happened on it. I think I just really hurt her feelings. She came here looking for someone to talk to about her dad. For someone to help her. And I did the opposite. I hurt her. And she left my room crying.

And I may have just ruined a friendship that is very important to me.

After trying to decide what I should do for several minutes, I look at my dango plush and get an idea. I pick it up and head to the end of the hall, where Akane's room is. I knock on her door, but don't get a response.

After a minute I knock again and I say, “A-Akane…I just wanted to give you the dango for the night…i-if you want it.”

I wait a minute and still don’t hear anything. Just when I'm about to give up, the door opens a crack. Only enough for me to see one of her eyes and her cheek. Her room is dark, but the light in the hall is enough for me to see she's been crying some more. 

She whispers, “D-don't you…hate me?”

I shake my head, “Of course not. I never ever would.” I pause for a moment and then start to worry, “D-do you…hate me?”

She shakes her head, “Of course not. I could never hate you either.”

I smile, “Good. Do you want the plush tonight?”

“Y-you…wouldn't let me take it before. Are you sure?”

I nod, “Yeah. I know…I didn’t help tonight. So maybe it can.”

She opens the door a little more, “U-um…then I'll take it for the night. I-if that's okay.” 

I hold it out to her and she opens the door the rest of the way. She takes the dango and holds it to her chest like she always does, which makes me smile.

She smiles back, “I…know we need to talk. But…can it wait until tomorrow?”

I nod, “Of course.”

After we tell each other goodnight I go back to my room and get ready for bed. Once I'm in bed for the night, I start to think about what happened with Akane tonight.

Maybe I should have tried it longer. It didn't feel right to me. But maybe it would have if I just kept at it. I think she'd be happy if I did. And I want her to be happy.

I shake my head at myself.

If I had forced it, it would just have hurt her more when I stopped it. It wouldn’t be that different from what Misha did to her.

I don't know what exactly she'll tell me tomorrow. You don't kiss someone unless you like them, right? 

But I hope the kiss didn't mean that. Because I don't want to hurt her.

But, even if that's what happens, I could tell from seeing her tonight that we'll still be friends.

Chapter Text

The next morning, there’s a knock on my door earlier than I was expecting. It's only 8 a.m., so I'm still in my pajamas. When I answer the door, I see a fully dressed and well put together Akane. She looks nervous and makes less eye contact with me than normal.

She hands me my dango plush and says, “Thanks for letting me borrow it.”

I hug the dango to my chest. I did miss having the dango last night, but I'm happy it helped her some.

“I-is it too early? I have to go do something in a couple hours and wanted to make sure I did this first. But…I can come by later or…tomorrow.”

I think I'm just as anxious as she is to have this talk. So it's fine with me.

I shake my head and try to make a joke to lighten the mood, “No, it's fine. I'm just a little underdressed.”

She gives me a forced laugh and then makes a bee line for my desk chair, and sits there. I think she’s avoiding the bed, where I take a seat. She doesn't seem that eager to start talking. So I decide to get things started.

Maybe we should talk about something else to warm up.

“H-how are you feeling? A-about your dad, I mean. I know…I didn't help that much.”

She looks surprised I brought this up, “Oh. Uh…I’m okay. My stepmom emailed us and bullied us into talking today. She's the real boss in the family.” She laughs softly, “She's had to do it before, although…this is definitely the biggest fight we've ever had.”

I smile, “Well, I'm glad she's looking out for you both.”

Akane smiles, “Me too. My dad and I are really stubborn and hot-blooded, I think that's why we fight so much. She's very level-headed and calm, thank goodness. But yeah, that's what I’m doing after this. Going over there.” She sighs and then frowns while looking down, “I don't know what was wrong with me yesterday. I…made a couple of big messes doing stupid stuff without thinking. Have to clean them up now.”

“D-don't look at it like that. Nothing is wrong with you. Neither was your fault. They are just things that…happened. Not messes.”

She smiles at me, “You really did help, you know. Like you are now. Like you always do. B-but then I…” She trails off, shakes her head, and looks down at the ground. “I'm such an idiot.”

“No you’re not. It's okay, Akane. You don't have to-”

She interrupts me, “J-just…let me explain myself first.”

I want to finish what I was saying because it sounds like she’s being too hard on herself. But I think she's going to explain what the kiss meant and why it happened. And that's what I want to know most of all.

I nod, and she continues.

“Well…I was upset, right? Not in my right mind. A-and then you were in the bed with me and being so sweet. I was feeling really vulnerable. And you comforted me.” She blushes and look away from me, “A-and then you were touching me. And our faces were so close. And you smell so good. And you’re so pretty. A-and you were smiling at me. And then my mind kinda went blank and it j-just…happened…” She starts to sniffle, “I’m…I’m so sorry. It was a messed up thing for me to just…do that."

“You don't need to apologize. I-I’m not upset.”

She looks up at me with raised eyebrows and a small smile, “Y-you're…not?”

I shake my head, “But I want to make sure I understand. What did it mean? Do you have feelings for me? Did I…reject your confession?”

She thinks for a moment and then with some reluctance in her voice she says, “I am…attracted to you. Or it wouldn't have happened.”

She locks eyes with me but I look away and sit silently, unsure how to respond. While also feeling very flattered. No one has ever complimented me so much. Or told me they were attracted to me. Or…kissed me. It's a nice feeling. I just wish I could feel the same about her. More than anything, especially if she's hurting because of this.

She continues, “B-but it wasn’t a confession. I'm not…in love with you. I promise. It was just…a mistake. It won't ever happen again. I’m…really really sorry.”

I nod, “I already told you I don't even think you have to apologize. I'm not upset about it. Except that I…don't ever want to do anything to hurt you. I know how much it hurts to have feelings for someone that doesn't feel the same.”

With a serious expression she says, “I don't have feelings like that for you. I promise.” She pauses for a moment and then says, “I’m still hung up on Misha, so how could I?”

That's true.

I want to believe her. But there's still something that doesn't add up.

“But…why were you so upset afterwards if it didn't mean anything?”

She looks away from me and fidgets in the chair for a moment, “I was j-just…worried that you'd be mad. And that I would lose you as a friend over it. I was upset with myself for what I did. Not with you for stopping it.”

That's pretty much how I felt too. That makes sense.

She wrings her hands together and quietly says, “We're…still friends, right? You’re…important to me. You're um…my best friend.”

“O-of course. You're my best friend too.”

She smiles for a moment but then winces, “I just realized something that makes this way worse…I took your first kiss, didn't I?”

I nod.

She covers her face with her hands, “Crap. I'm so, so, so, so sorry.”

I laugh softly, “W-well…it wasn't exactly how I imagined it. But it was with someone I care about. So…i-it's okay.”

She smiles, “Good.” She breathes a sigh of relief. “This made me feel much better. I was very worried I messed everything up.”

I laugh, “I was worried that I did.”

She raises an eyebrow, “How would you have messed it up?”

“I was worried I had rejected a confession and…hurt you. Or that…I did something I didn't mean to that made you think I wanted to kiss.”

She chuckles, “Well…maybe most friends our age don't hug while laying in bed together. That's what…got my wires crossed. But…I was also laying down and bawling my eyes out in your bed. It didn't leave you many other options to comfort me. You didn't do anything wrong. I just…I got confused, in the emotional state I was in.”

“Okay. I'm glad nobody messed anything up.”

She smiles, “Me too.” She looks at the dango plush in my arms and smiles even wider. “You know what I'd really like right now?”

“What?”

She grins from ear to ear, “I'd like to hear the whole dango song, please.”

I frown, “A-are you going to laugh this time?”

“Maybe…a little. But I like it. I promise. It has been stuck in my head lately.” She pouts playfully, “It’ll lift my spirits before I go meet with my dad!”

“Okay, I’ll sing it. But if you laugh too much, I’m stopping.”

She’s my first friend who actually likes the Great Dango Family. Hard to turn down her request.

I stand up and sing the entire song.

She smiles the whole time I sing and only laughs a few times, which makes me really happy.

When I finish I realize I have a question, “Your implants even let you hear music?”

“Kind of. I can hear the words and the rhythm, but not the difference between notes. Not like you can, anyway. But I still like to listen.”

I laugh, “That’s probably why you like listening to me sing. I don’t think I’m very good.”

She smiles at me, “I’m your perfect audience then.” She stands up and then sits on the bed next to me before hugging me, “Thank you so much, Nagisa. Not just for singing. For everything.”

“Y-you're welcome. Um…thank you too.” I feel awkward about this hug, given what happened when we hugged in my bed not that long ago. She picks up on that when I stiffen my back and don't hug her back.

“Don’t make it weird, Nagisa. I’m doing this so we can move past it. Otherwise last night’s hug is going to loom over us. I’m erasing it with this very very Platonic one.”

I laugh, and return her hug.

“Do you want me to come with you to see your dad? Would it help?”

She breaks the hug and smiles at me, “There you go being sweet again. It's tempting but…you won't know what we're saying. I won't be translating or anything, you know?”

“Th-that's okay. I can just be there for moral support. I probably wouldn’t get involved even if I understood what you were saying.”

Akane thinks for a moment, “I really want you to come. I'm just…worried my dad won't like it. We’re fighting about how I want to go to school with people who can hear. Bringing my best friend who isn’t hearing impaired and doesn't understand sign…seems like a bad way to get peace talks started.”

“Oh! Right. Th-that was silly of me.”

She pats my back, “No, it was sweet. I want you to meet them sometime. But this isn’t the right time. It's just…a complicated situation. I'm sure I'll talk to you all about it at some point. You can give me moral support then, I'm sure I'll need it.”

…

“Nagisa, you're getting really good at the dialect!”

“Um…th-thanks. You both are amazing too. Seeing you two together at the end got me choked up.”

Of course, that wasn't just because of the play. I want them to end up together for real, too.

Chiyo gives me a confident bow, “Thank you, thank you.”

We just did our first rehearsal on stage. It was mostly to feel out how we think our characters would move in the various scenes. It was very different from reading it together in our clubroom. We had our scripts with us but I only had to look at it a few times.

Ken says, “You're getting better every time Nagisa. Not just the dialect either. I think you'll have us in tears before too long. I was pretty close when you disappeared after your speech at the end. Those changes you made to your lines really work, too.”

“R-really?”

Daiki who watched the whole thing standing in the middle aisle says, “I agree with them.” He looks down at his notes. “I do have some notes for all of you, though. Do you want to hear them now or tomorrow?”

Ken laughs, “Uh oh, he has his director hat on now.”

I giggle, “Is that bad? Isn’t that his job?”

Chiyo smirks, “Not bad, just different. He's normally the nicest guy in the world so it's a little jarring when he's criticizing you. Don't take anything he says personally.”

Nervous, I start to wring my hands together, “O-okay.”

Daiki sighs, “Are you two done scaring her? Can we get to the actual point here?”

Chiyo does a mock salute and stands at attention, “Yes, Mr. Director sir!” Ken cracks up laughing.

Daiki sighs, “I'll start with you Nagisa, since you’re the one acting normal.”

I nod, still feeling very nervous.

I hope I didn't mess up too much.

Dorayaki.

“The biggest thing is that you need to work on projecting your voice. Right now it's hard to hear you if you aren't in front. We want everyone to hear how good your acting is and how good your dialect has gotten, okay? You can talk to Ken and Chiyo about it if you're having trouble. As you know they can be very loud.”

I nod and smile, “O-okay. I'll be louder.” I look at Ken and Chiyo, “That wasn't that bad.”

Ken strokes his chin, “Yes…interesting. He is much nicer to you. Even managed to fit a compliment in there while also taking a shot at us. I wonder why he's different with her? What do you think, Chiyo?”

Chiyo looks at Daiki and then at me and then at Daiki again before smirking.

Just as she opens her mouth, Daiki loudly says, “ANYWAY, moving on. Ken, Chiyo - I'd like to see some more warmth in your relationship. Some more intimacy.”

Both of them turn bright red.

Daiki continues, “How should I put this - you two have great chemistry in real life, but I feel like we're only seeing a fraction of it on stage. So…try to bring that out a bit more.”

They both nod sheepishly.

I think he got back at them for teasing him about being director. They are very embarrassed now. But I also think he's right. Their characters don't feel as close as they should. It's like they are both holding back.

Daiki smiles, “That's all, everyone. It was really good, and I know we'll only get better. Let's do this three or four more times to figure out for sure how we want the three of you to move. Then I can get started on lighting and sound, and before long we'll have a whole play!”

He puts his notes in his bag. “Anyone else heading back to the dorms?”

I step down off the stage and say, “I'll go with you.”

Ken looks like he's about to join us, but then Chiyo says, “K-ken? Let's run through the last scene a couple more times. See if we can…up the intimacy as our dear director wants.”

Ken nods, “Alright. Let's do it.”

I look over at them on the stage and smile at Chiyo, who looks very nervous. Our eyes meet and she says, “I-I'm gonna use the restroom first,” without breaking eye contact.

“Me too.”

Daiki says, “Okay, I'll wait.”

Chiyo and I go to the restroom, where neither of us actually has to go. Chiyo leans on the counter and looks at herself in the mirror.

“I…think I'm going to tell him. Tonight.”

“Okay. You don't want to wait anymore?”

She sighs, “I'm trying, but all this stuff with the play is making it harder than ever. I can't touch him this much and keep it inside. And I think it's the reason we kind of sucked tonight, too. I kept shying away from being more physical or letting my real emotions come through.” She looks at me, “You think I should wait?”

I shake my head, “I think you should tell him if you're ready.”

She nods and stands up straight before taking a deep breath, “Okay. I'm gonna do it.”

“That's great! Good luck.”

We leave the bathroom and Daiki and I walk back to the dorms together while Ken and Chiyo stay behind. I'm pretty eager to find out what happens, but I know I also need to give them space to let it happen.

Daiki and I chat on our way back to the dorms.

“So, was I as bad as they said I was?”

I laugh, “No. But they got me really worried so I was expecting the worst.”

He chuckles, “They were mostly joking. But…there's a kernel of truth.” He sighs and says, “There was one time where I was a jerk to them about how they performed.”

“Really?”

He nods, “Last year when we were getting close to the performance. I had just recently messed up my knee to the point I needed this stupid thing.” He thumps the cane on the ground, “I was in a ton of pain and in an awful mood. And I was really mean to them about what they needed to improve. It was…not my best moment.” He sighs, “You’ve seen little glimpses of that side of me too, unfortunately. I'm kind of sensitive when it comes to my condition, I guess.”

“W-Well…we can't always be nice to everyone. Some days make it hard. S-sometimes if I'm not feeling well, I get angry and I can be mean too.”

Daiki starts laughing so hard he has to stop walking. While I don't understand why he's laughing, I can tell he's laughing at me. I turn around and cross my arms while waiting for him to stop.

Once he stops laughing, he looks at me with a bit of shame,“Woo…sorry. The idea of you being mean to someone just really got me. I was picturing you yelling at someone, or like…shoving them. It was a pretty funny image.”

I stomp my foot and wag my finger at him while trying to look as angry as possible, “I-I can be angry! Y-you'll see one day! And it won't be funny!”

Daiki’s face contorts and for a moment and I'm not sure why. Then he starts laughing again, “S-sorry I tried to hold it in, b-but I just couldn't! You can't puff out your cheeks like that and expect me not to laugh. Now that I've seen you try to be angry, it's even funnier!”

I sigh, “W-well…I wasn't really angry. S-so that doesn't count.”

We continue our walk to the dorms in silence. At first, it's because I'm trying to give him the silent treatment for laughing at me. But then, I start to feel unwell. A very familiar kind of unwell. I feel weak. And tired.

No! Not now!

Daiki doesn't notice anything as we say goodnight to each other and part ways. It gives me a little hope that I'm overreacting and it's all in my head.

I check my temperature the moment I walk in the door. As I watch my thermometer's display flash red, any hope I had disappears.

38

As soon as I see those numbers on the display, I lay down in bed and cry.

When I wake up the next morning, I still have a fever of 38 degrees. But at least I don’t feel any worse.

I get up, get dressed, and head to the nurse's office.

…

“When did the fever start?”

I'm with the nurse now, explaining everything.

“Last night.”

He thinks for a moment. “Do your symptoms usually get worse from here?”

I nod, “Usually…I end up weak and bedridden.”

He thinks for a moment and then nods confidently, “Okay…let's err on the side of caution. Go back to your room and rest, I'm going to get you excused from classes for the week, and we'll go from there. I'll give you an anti-fever medication and steroids that will hopefully kick this thing's butt alongside your daily meds.”

I frown and look down while tightly clasping my hands together. I’m hoping if I can squeeze my hands hard enough it will distract me and keep me from crying.

He gently says, “If there's anything about that plan you don't like…we can talk about it.”

I start to sniffle, “A-any time this happens…I miss too much school…and I have to give up on the year. I-I’m worried if I rest…I won't get back up again.”

He puts a hand on my shoulder and I look up at him. He's wearing a comforting smile, “Furukawa, my goal here is to try and make you miss as little school as possible. I’m hoping if you get some rest now, you’ll recover and your symptoms won't sideline you as long. Your medication should help.”

I sigh, “O-okay. I…hope you’re right. I don't want to miss too much. Thank you.”

He nods, “I'll be wanting you to call me with an update every morning and afternoon, okay? I'll be keeping an eye on everything.”

…

I just woke up to the sound of knocking. After I left the nurse, I did what he instructed. I came back to my room, took my medication and went back to bed. Falling asleep was very easy because I feel so bad.

Another knock on the door.

“Wh-who is it?”

“Chiyo. Are you okay?”

I stand up, and when I do I realize I feel much worse than earlier. I feel exhausted and dizzy, and immediately want to lay back down.

I open the door to find a concerned Chiyo. She looks even more concerned when she sees me in my pajamas this early in the evening. I let her in and then immediately get back in bed.

“Daiki said you weren't in class, and then you didn't come to club today either…we were worried.”

“S-sorry…I should have called. I’m sick.”

Chiyo nods and kneels next to my bed. She puts a hand on my forehead, winces, and quickly pulls it back.

“Y-you’re…burning up.”

I sigh, “Can you hand me the thermometer on the desk?”

She walks over, picks it up, and hands it to me. I put it under my tongue. Chiyo watches the display, looking more concerned by the moment.

“40.1!? I didn't even know a fever could get that high…w-we need to get you to the nurse ASAP.”

That IS pretty high, even for me.

I do my best to hold in my tears as I say, “I…need to call him. Can you please…hand me my…phone.”

Chiyo looks confused, but then does what I asked. I call the nurse and update him on everything. He sounds concerned when he responds.

“Okay. Hopefully, it's just that you slept all day and haven't taken a second dose of your meds. But…if your fever is worse or not any better in the morning, we may need to try something else.”

Part of me wants to ask what ‘something else’ means, but I find that I’m too tired.

Chiyo watches the whole exchange closely and is starting to look more and more worried.

After the call ends I say, “Can you hand me that pill bottle? And get me some water?”

She hands me the pills and takes a cup to the bathroom. She returns with it full of water. I thank her and take the pills.

Chiyo kneels next to the bed and frowns, “You…said before you got sick and didn't do a play last year. And also…you got sick and had to repeat your third year. This is what you meant, isn't it?”

I nod weakly. “My…body thinks I’m sick when I’m…not sick.”

That wasn't the best explanation. But that's all I have the energy for right now.

Chiyo frowns, “I’m sorry. Have you eaten anything? Do you want some rice porridge? I make a pretty good one!”

I shake my head, “Nauseous.”

Chiyo’s frown deepens. “H-how long does this usually last?”

Her words cause me to burst into tears, much to my embarrassment. I close my eyes, not wanting to see how she's looking at me, while I do my best to put a stop to them.

I feel her hands take both of mine, and then I feel her head on my shoulder. She doesn't try to stop my crying. She just tries her best to comfort me. Which is what I need. It feels good knowing she's here for me. She's a good friend.

After a minute, I regain my composure.

She quietly says, “So…I take it…it can last a long time?”

I nod, “I-it…can last months.” I sniffle. “S-so…I may not be able to do the play…and I might not graduate with all of you.”

She squeezes my hands, “I'm so sorry, Nagisa. But…I hope it doesn't come to that. They are pretty good here at working around this sort of thing.”

I nod, “That's why I'm here. I'm on new medication now too. My condition finally got diagnosed a few months ago.”

Chiyo smiles and squeezes my hands, “See? Maybe it won't be too bad.”

“I…hope not. Right now, though…it f-f-feels the same as it always does…” I start to cry again, unable to hold back my feeling of helplessness.

I think I need to do this, and I know Chiyo doesn't think less of me for crying. So this time, I don't hold back.

I'm feeling the emotional pain of last year's episode all over again. Combined with this one.

Kyou, Ryou, Kotomi, Sunohara and Tomoya were so great to me. I was so worried I wouldn't have friends in my repeat year. I was so happy to have so many. But…then I became sick. They came and saw me, but their lives were all moving forward while I was stuck in bed.

It's happening all over again. This time with Chiyo, Ken, Daiki, and Akane.

Chiyo drapes an arm over me and rests her head on my shoulder again. I notice she's crying a little now too.

She sniffles, “I wish I could tell you everything will be fine…but I don't know that. But I can tell you that you're my friend and I'll do what I can to help you, whatever happens. I know Ken and Daiki will too.”

I pull myself together, given new strength by her words, “Thank you.”

But then I remember something else that's worrying me.

“B-b-but…what if I can't do the play? You and Ken have people coming to see you. It's important and I might ruin it.”

She smiles at me, “I like that you're an angel, but sometimes you’re too much of one.”

“Huh?”

“You don't need to worry about that right now. It's several weeks away.”

“I might still be sick. If it's like before.”

“If that happens, there are lots of other options. We can postpone it for one. And…even if the play didn't happen, Ken and I would still get to audition for the troupe. The play isn't make it or break it for us. So just…try not to think about it. Your health is way more important.”

“O-okay. That makes me feel better. Th-thank you. S-sorry for throwing all my thoughts at you. I'm such a bother.”

Chiyo sighs and looks annoyed with me, “What would you do if the situation was reversed?”

“I'd h-help you.”

“See? And you wouldn't think I was a bother, right?”

I say “O-of course not!” with more force than intended. It's enough to make my head hurt. But I also realize the point she was trying to make.

She laughs, “As angry as you feel about the idea of me calling myself a bother is how I feel right now.”

“O-okay. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

She rolls her eyes, “You need to cut back on apologizing, too.”

She puts her hand on my forehead, “Maybe I'm just used to your fever now, but you don't feel as warm.”

She hands me the thermometer, and I take my temperature.

She smiles, “You're down to 39.”

I look at the thermometer and smile. “Maybe my medication is really working. I-in the past…it never went down that much that quickly.”

“I really hope so. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Um…can you please see if Daiki will come by tomorrow? I need…to try to stay caught up in classes.”

She nods, “I'll do that. I'll probably get Ken in here too, actually.” She looks around. “Maybe…not at the same time, though. It's a small room.”

Ken? There's something about Ken…

I sit up so fast it makes my head spin. It startles Chiyo when I blurt out, “What happened with Ken!?”

She clicks her tongue and sighs, “Dammit! I thought your fever made you forget.” She looks down at the ground and quietly says, “I…chickened out. Again.”

I lay back down, “Well…it's hard.”

“Yeah…it is hard.” She squeezes my hand one last time, then stands up and says, “Well, I’ll let you get some more rest.”

“Th-thank you, Chiyo. You helped me a lot.”

She smiles, “Good. I'm gonna come check on you in the morning. Do you mind if I take your key? That way I don't have to wake you up by knocking.”

“O-okay. It should be on the desk.”

I just woke up. I definitely still feel unwell, but not as bad as last night. My stomach growls, which is a good sign. I haven't eaten since the day before yesterday.

When I roll over I see a paper bag on my desk. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and get up. Next to the bag there's a little note,

“Try to eat a little if you can. - Chiyo.”

I look in the paper bag and I can't believe my eyes. It's two dorayaki from the Shanghai.

She…went down the hill to get these for me? Because she knows it's my favorite?

I get embarrassed when I realize I’ve never told her how much I like dorayaki. She must have heard me say it to myself at some point.

I sit down at my desk and take my temperature, (down to 38.5), my daily medication, my steroid, and my anti-fever medication. Then, I eat the dorayaki Chiyo got me with a smile on my face.

This does feel different than it has in the past. I hope it stays that way.

Chapter Text

I spend most of the day resting in bed, though I do manage to do some of the homework that was due yesterday. That's definitely an improvement over how I've felt in the past. I could never do homework before.

There's still some time left until classes will be out, at which point I think my friends will be visiting.

In the meantime, I should call my parents and tell them what's going on. I talk to them almost every day, although usually in the evening when they are both home and the bakery is closed. I didn't call yesterday because I felt so sick.

Right now, my dad is probably out playing baseball, and my mom is probably working in the bakery, but it's usually dead around this time.

I get out my cell phone and call the bakery number. After a few rings, I hear my mother’s cheerful voice.

“Furukawa bakery. We currently have a special new bread that doesn't rise that we’re calling ‘cracker bread,’ it's delicious, flat, and dry, just how bread should be! What can I do for you today?”

“Hi mom.”

She responds so loudly I have to move the phone away from my ear, “NAGISA! How are you, dear? I don't have to ask why we didn't hear from you yesterday, because you sound like you don't feel well.”

She has always been around for my episodes. She's an expert when it comes to knowing I'm sick.

“You’re right. It started the day before yesterday. I slept all day yesterday.”

“Oh no. Do you need me to come take care of you?”

That's tempting. I do miss that…but it isn't a reasonable thing to expect.

“No. That's why you sent me here, right?”

Her tone gets serious, “Nagisa, we didn't send you to Yamaku so we didn't have to take care of you…”

“I-I know that. But the nurse has it covered here. And my friends are helping. I'm okay.”

“Does it feel any better than it used to?”

“A little. My temperature has gone down some, and I was able to do some homework.”

I can hear her smile, “Well, that's already a nice improvement.”

“Yeah. Is dad out with the neighborhood kids?”

My mom laughs, “I think he's repairing the neighbor's sink. He was going to play baseball after that, though. Do you want me to get him?”

“No, that's okay. I’ll call again this evening at the usual time.” I start to get a little choked up. “I miss you, mom.”

“We miss you too, dear. Every day. But you seem to be doing so well. Especially lately. Even on a day like today I can tell you’re happy.”

“I am happy. Even though I'm sick. I…like it here.”

“That's wonderful, dear. We'd like to come visit soon. We'll certainly come for your play.” She sighs, “Your dad also wants you to come home for his birthday, but I told him he was being unreasonable.”

I laugh, “I'd like to come home too some time. Maybe it will work out.”

“Okay, Nagisa. I should probably go mind the store. I love you.”

After I return her love we end the call, and for the first time since I've been here, I don't have overwhelming homesickness after talking to my parents.

…

I wake up to the sound of knocking on my door.

“C-come in.”

The door opens and Akane comes in wearing a surgical mask and holding a folder. She looks worried and it gets worse when she sees me in bed.

“You know…you should probably ask who it is before you invite me in. Or lock your door.”

“Well…I knew people were coming and I might fall asleep.”

She waves her hand, “Well, forget about that for now. How are you feeling?”

“N-not…good.”

“Yeah…you don't look good.”

“Gee, thanks.”

She laughs, “It sucks that you’re sick, but…I am…kind of relieved. You didn't come to class. And you didn't answer when I came by for our evening chat the last couple nights. I thought…” She nervously looks over in the direction of the open door and quietly says “...maybe you were mad at me after all. After what I did.”

I'm confused for a moment, but then my feverish mind catches up.

Oh! The last time we saw each other was the morning after we kissed.

“N-no. Just sick. I was asleep. I-I'm really sorry I made you feel that way.”

She ruffles my hair, “Silly Nagisa. You don't need to apologize for being sick.” She gestures toward the door, “Anyway, Daiki let me know you were sick, so we came to check on you.”

Only now do I notice that Daiki is waiting outside the door.

“Y-you can come in, too, Daiki.”

He ducks under the door frame and waves and smiles at me. He is about as wide as the space between my bed and the far wall. He looks like he's in a really tiny room, instead of a standard dorm room.

Akane sits in the desk chair to make more room for him.

Akane says, “Have you been to the nurse and tested for flu and strep?”

“I've been to the nurse. But I'm not that kind of sick. Although I wish someone would tell my body that.”

Akane looks confused and so does Daiki.

I explain my condition to the two of them and by the time I'm done, Akane looks embarrassed and takes her mask off.

“Sorry for wearing that. And asking those dumb questions. And…saying I was relieved a minute ago. I didn’t know this could be really serious. I knew you had a chronic illness of some kind…but not the details.”

“Silly Akane, you d-don’t have to apologize for not knowing something.”

She scoffs and then sticks her tongue out at me, “I guess we both apologize too much.” She brandishes the folder, “Well, I have the hand outs you've missed so far. And Daiki and I are going to keep you up to date with classes. We’ll alternate . He wanted to do it today.” She stands up and gives my hand a little squeeze. “I hope you feel better, Nagisa. I’ll drop by later to check on you.”

“Th-thank you. You can just come in if I don't answer.”

She nods and heads towards the door, and Daiki does his best to make room for her to leave, but even when he turns sideways it's a tight squeeze. If I had the energy, I would probably laugh at both of their embarrassed faces as she brushes against him.

After she leaves, he closes the door. I suddenly realize there's nowhere he can sit, except maybe my bed. I think this is also the first time I’ve ever been alone with a boy in my bedroom. I feel a little anxious about inviting him to sit on my bed when we’re all alone, but I shouldn't. He's really sweet and polite.

“U-um…you can sit on the end of the bed.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I'm short. I think there's room.”

I pull my legs back a little to give him as much room as possible.

He smiles and sits on the bed as far from me as he can.

“I'm really sorry you're sick, and that it might be awhile. We'll miss you in drama club.”

I sigh. “I'll miss drama club too. But…I hope I will be back soon.”

He nods, “Do you feel like talking about class stuff today? We can definitely put it off.”

“I probably can't do all of it today. You can tell me about one or two classes, though.”

He tells me about history and literature for the day, and leaves some photocopies of his notes. But he seems distracted the whole time, so I start to worry.

When he finishes I ask, “Is everything okay?”

“I don't feel right…finding out about your condition, how I did. Sort of eavesdropping on a conversation with your best friend.”

“I invited you in. It wasn't eavesdropping. And you’re my friend too.”

He massages his neck. “Still…you hadn't told me so far for a reason. I get not telling everyone about your condition.” He laughs, “Well, sort of. Obviously most people have a pretty good idea about mine when they look at me. They can figure it out in a glance, really.”

I laugh with him, “I wasn't really trying to hide it. It just didn't really come up since I hadn't been sick. I…would have told you if you asked.”

He smiles, “Okay. That makes me feel better. I'll…tell you stuff about mine, in return.”

“Okay. If you want to.”

He nods, “Ask any questions you have.”

I nod and think for a moment, “Um…you're the biggest person I've ever seen. That's from your condition?”

He laughs, “Yeah. I have gigantism. And yes that is the medical term. Pretty lazy if you ask me.”

I laugh, “Well…it tells people a lot from the name. I wish mine did. It is called…hyperimmunoglobulin D Syndrome. And I'm not even sure I said it right.”

He smiles, “Yeah, I guess there's an upside to it being so descriptive. I am definitely…gigantic.”

“H-how tall are you?”

He laughs, “You took a lot longer to ask me that than most people. 201 centimeters. And before you ask, I weigh 130 kilograms.”

I feel my mouth hang open at hearing these numbers, “Wow…I think of my dad as a tall man. And you’re…more than 25 centimeters taller…”

He laughs, “Yeah, I’d be a really big guy in any country, but I’m especially huge for Japan.” He smirks, “So, what about you? What's your height and weight?”

I feel my face flush, “I-it's not nice to ask a lady that!”

He chuckles, “Hey, you asked me. It’s only fair. Not like you have anything to be embarrassed about anyway.”

I sigh and quietly say, “43 kilograms and 155 centimeters.”

“See? Those are good numbers, right?”

I shrug, “I wish I was bigger sometimes. But I bet that sounds silly to you.”

He shrugs back, “Not really. I wish I was smaller all the time. We want what we can't have.”

“That's true. What…gives you gigantism? Is it genetic like mine?”

“There are lots of types. I don't think mine is genetic - it is called acromegaly. It means I had a tumor on my pituitary gland that made my growth hormone go crazy. So, I was this big by 14.”

I frown, “A tumor?”

“Yeah, but they removed it and I stopped growing. I ended up missing a year of school because of all that stuff.”

“Oh! That's kind of like me. Except I missed two years.”

He smiles, “Oh yeah. Guess we’re the oldest students on campus, huh?”

I nod, “Guess so.” I look at his cane for a moment wondering how I should ask about that. Or if I should.

He notices.

He holds it in both his hands. “I have this because my body is too big for my joints. I have the joints of a normal sized person, so the wear and tear isn’t good. My right knee is really screwed up. I am getting surgery this summer which should help.”

“That's good.”

He nods, “I am thankful they figured out what was going on with me when they did. Another year and I would have been much bigger and probably unable to move.”

“Well…I'm glad they removed it, then.”

“Me too.” He frowns. “Although…I wish there was some way to reverse it. No such luck, though.” He sighs, “It wouldn't be so bad if I was just tall.” He holds out his hand in front of himself, “But…my hands and feet are way bigger than anyone's should be. And I’m so much wider than anyone who isn’t a yokozuna.” He laughs bitterly and puts his hand down, “But…this is my body, for better or worse.”

I wish he weren't so down about it. I don't think there's anything wrong with him.

But…I can relate to being frustrated with your body for doing things you can't control. Maybe I can say something to make him feel better.

“W-well…you have a nice body.”

He smirks at me and raises an eyebrow. I don't know why at first. When I realize what I said, I feel my face flush.

“I…I just meant…” I sigh, “C-can I blame my fever?”

He laughs, “Sure. Well, I guess I'll get going. I think Chiyo and Ken are coming by at some point too. Get well soon, Nagisa.”

I'm in bed. I'm tired. But someone's here. They are stroking my hair. It feels really nice. And comforting.

Mom?

I open my eyes and notice there's a cold washcloth on my forehead. And Akane's sitting at my desk. Doing homework from the look of it.

I've been sick and stuck in my room for a week now. I haven't felt great and have needed lots of rest but I have mostly stayed on top of school work thanks to Daiki and Akane. Ken and Chiyo have stopped by a few times and I've been able to go over some lines with them. Chiyo painted my nails for me too.

My temperature has been between 37.5 and 38.5.

But even though I only just woke up, I feel much worse than I have lately.

“H-hey…”

Akane smiles, “Hi. How do you feel?”

“Bad. Th-thank you for this though.” I touch the wash cloth, “It…feels nice.”

“Good.”

“Um…h-how long have you been here?”

“I dunno. A couple hours.”

“Y-you…don't have to do that. I am…sure you have better things to do.”

She shakes her head and looks at me like I'm silly, “It was my day to fill you in on class stuff today anyway, and when you weren't awake I just stuck around and kept an eye on you.” She frowns, “Should I…not have?”

“N-no…it's…very nice of you. Thank…y-you.”

She frowns, “You seem…more out of it than the other times I've seen you. Weaker. Do we need to do anything?”

I ask for the thermometer and check my temperature. It's back up to 39.

I do my best to keep my composure. I focus on taking my pills.

Akane kneels next to the bed after giving me my pills and after I take them she says, “Are you okay? I know you feel sick but I mean…emotionally. You look really upset.”

I sigh, “It's the first time my temperature has gone this high since the first day. And I…do feel a lot worse. I'm worried I'll be stuck in here a lot longer…”

I feel tears coming. Closing my eyes doesn't keep them in.

Akane takes my hand in both of hers just as I start to cry. With her, I know I can cry all I need to, so I really let myself sob.

After a minute or two, I'm a little surprised when she gets in my bed with me and puts her arms around me and holds me close to her, and starts to stroke my hair. But it really comforts me, so I put my arms around her too.

Chiyo convinced me they will all still be here for me but I still don't know if I can take having to give up on my third year again. I want to graduate with my friends. I want to do our play.

As I start to calm down, I notice Akane is quietly saying something.

“Dango, Dango, Dango.”

It makes me laugh.

She laughs too and lets go of me, “Hey, you don’t like it when I laugh at your singing.”

I sniffle, “I know. I just didn't expect to hear that. Thank you. The Great Dango Family always helps.”

She laughs and gets out of the bed, “Good. You think you won't get better?”

I nod. “Not for a long time, anyway. Th-that's how it usually is. I was hopeful before, because my temperature had been going down. But now…I’m worried I won't be well enough for a long time. And…not in time for the play.”

She crosses her arms and puts her class rep face on, “They aren't pressuring you, are they?”

I shake my head, “They have been nice. And said everything will be fine even if I'm not well in time. But I still want to do it like we all planned.”

She puts the cold washcloth back on my head which fell off when I was crying, “Yeah. I get it. You've worked really hard.”

I smile at her, “Thank you for singing and soothing me. And taking care of me.”

“You're welcome. Only fair that I've seen you cry now. I’ve only seen you tear up a little but you've seen me sob plenty of times.”

“R-really? I cry a lot, so I didn't realize.”

She nods solemnly, “Meanwhile, I'm not normally a cryer, but I have been lately.” She laughs wryly. “Anyway, what do we need to do about your fever?”

I sigh, “If it's still this bad tomorrow. I'll call the nurse. Hopefully…this is temporary. Maybe the medication I just took will help.”

Akane nods, “I don't think we'll be talking about class today. You look exhausted. You should probably get some more sleep.”

I nod and close my eyes, “Yeah, I will. My body will make me, don't worry. You d-don’t need to stay. You've already been here so long and I'll just sleep. Chiyo will check on me in the morning. I'll be okay.”

She sounds annoyed, or maybe surprised, when she says, “Chiyo!?”

Confused, I open my eyes to look at her face. But there’s no sign of anything there. Maybe I’m hearing things because I’m sick. Or it was a cochlear implant thing and she doesn't know she sounded that way.

I close my eyes again, “Yeah, she comes every morning.”

“I…know. I'll…probably go once you fall asleep.”

I hear her sit back at the desk. Then I hear the pleasant white noise of her pencil moving across paper on the wooden desk.

I'm in bed and someone is gently nudging my shoulder. I feel really groggy and don't want to open my eyes. But it must be important.

“Nagisa?”

I reluctantly open my eyes and see Chiyo holding my thermometer.

I try to smile, but even that seems exhausting. I feel awful. Even worse than last night. My head is pounding and I feel really weak.

“…morning.”

She looks guilty, “Morning. Sorry to wake you…but uh…Akane…left a note that your temperature was high last night and I should be sure to check it this morning. I thought about trying to do it with you asleep…but that seemed weird.”

I nod and take the thermometer and put it under my tongue.

She frowns, “It's up to 40. How do you feel?”

“...bad.”

“Should you call the nurse?”

I nod and she hands me my phone.

It must be obvious that I'm doing poorly because she asks, “Do you want me to talk to him?”

I nod.

“Okay. You let me know if I say anything that's wrong.”

I nod again and she calls the nurse.

“H-hello sir. I'm checking on my friend Nagisa….yes, Furukawa. I'm checking on her this morning a-and her temperature is 40 and is up from 39 since last night. Sh-she's very weak, too tired to talk much. She…doesn't look or sound like herself.”

She pauses for a moment, the nurse must be saying something.

“Y-yes sir. I can do that. I-I’m on my way.”

She hangs up the phone and hands it to me before standing up. She looks very worried.

“He wants to see you in person. I’m going to go get you a wheelchair and I’ll take you, okay? I’ll be right back.”

I shake my head and try to sit up but Chiyo shakes her head right back, “You’re probably right that you don’t need a wheelchair, but it's safest and what he told me to do. Just…stay in bed until I’m back.”

…

The nurse has just finished questioning and examining me. Now he’s looking at me with a hand on his chin and a furrowed brow. Chiyo has stayed with me the whole time.

“Okay, here's the plan. You’re going to stay in one of the beds here today so I can monitor you. I'm also going to get you set up with an IV of the most powerful antipyretic we have here. It's called metamizol. It will definitely lower your fever, and hopefully we can keep it low from there with your usual meds.”

He sounds confident. I hope he's right.

I nod just as the first bell rings. Chiyo doesn't leave my side.

“You can go…I'm just going to sleep here while he gives me the medicine”

“You're sure?”

I nod, “Tell Akane…please.”

“Um…yeah. I…will. Hope you feel better, Nagisa.”

…

I just woke up in the nurse's office. I feel much better than I did earlier. I can tell because I'm aware of how uncomfortable the hospital bed is and I don't feel exhausted.

Someone's holding my hand.

I open my eyes and see a very worried Akane. She's sort of staring into space and biting her lip.

I squeeze her hand and say, “H-hi there.”

She whips her head around to look at me, “Nagisa! How do you feel?”

“A lot better.”

Her whole body relaxes and she looks up at my IV drip, “It looks like you had all the medicine. I'm glad it worked.”

“Me too. What time is it? After school?”

She shakes her head, “It's lunch. I stopped by to check on you and…once I saw you I wasn't sure I could go back.”

“Well, I'm okay now. And our class will fall apart without you.”

She laughs, “That's true. You really do seem like your usual self. Thank goodness.”

“Yeah…I feel a little sick still, but nothing too bad. Thank you for checking on me like you always do.”

She squeezes my hand and smiles at me, so I smile back.

Then, she takes a deep breath and looks down, “I…need to tell you something. I was just planning on…letting it go, and…not telling you. And I figured I'd just get past it. But I think I have to say it. J-just to get it out.” She looks back up and locks eyes with me, “Nagisa, I-”

The nurse suddenly draws back the curtain around my bed. Akane stops mid sentence and quickly lets go of my hand when he does.

Hw says, “So, the patient is awake? How is she feeling?”

Akane says, “She's back to her usual self.”

I nod, “Yep. I'm much better. I'm sure my fever is…37.9 at most, now.”

The nurse chuckles, “Oh? You can tell how high it is, can you? That's quite the skill.”

I nod, “I'm usually pretty close. I have been getting sick like this my whole life after all.”

“Well, let's see how good you are.” He points his thermometer at my forehead and smirks once it beeps. “37.8. That's some skill, little lady.”

I laugh, “Not a very useful one, though.”

The nurse chuckles again before pulling up a stool and removing my IV.

“Well, you can head back to the dorm. I think from here, if you stay on top of your meds, we should keep that fever more manageable. If it spikes again, we know it responds to this.”

Akane smiles, “That's great.” She looks at me, “Should I take you back?”

I shake my head, “You don't have time.”

Akane pouts but then the nurse looks at his watch and nods, “She's right. I'll have one of the aides take her.”

She sighs, “Okay, fiiinee. Um…we’ll talk later, okay?”

…

Once I'm back in my room, it takes me longer than usual to get back to sleep.

I'm worried about Akane. I don't know what she was going to say, but she looked so serious. I hope I'm well enough for one of our chats later.

…

I just woke up from a nap. It must be the evening because Akane’s at my desk.

When I roll over, she looks up from what she's doing and smiles at me, “Hey. You still seem pretty bright-eyed.”

I nod, “I don't feel too bad.”

“That's great. The nurse really knows what he's doing, huh? I never really have to see him and was a little skeptical from the few times I'd interacted with him.”

I laugh and nod, “He's silly but good at his job. Um…what did you want to tell me earlier? Before he interrupted us?”

She frowns, “You remember that?”

I nod.

Akane winces, “I-it's nothing. Don't worry about it. I decided…we don't need to talk about it.”

I frown, “It seems like something. You don't want to tell me? Don’t we talk about everything?”

“Well…yeah. But you're really sick. It can wait, at least.”

“Okay…but I may be sick for a long time, and I feel more clear headed than I have in awhile. So it might be a good time.”

She shakes her head and sharpens her voice, “We’ll talk about it another time, okay?”

I frown and start to rack my mind. I can tell I won't get anywhere asking her to tell me. But maybe I can guess.

After a couple of minutes, I think I have my answer. And it makes me feel horrible.

I quietly say, “I…think I know what it is. And…I'm really sorry, Akane.”

Akane's eyebrows shoot up, “Y-you…know? I…guess it's kind of obvious.” She sighs, “Well then…you…don't need to be sorry. It's just…how things are. I just…wanted to get it out there. I wasn't expecting anything. I…understand.” She frowns and looks down at her hands, “Will you…still be my friend?”

“That's…up to you, isn't it?”

She knits her eyebrows and narrows her eyes, “Why would it…only be up to me? I think you should probably have a say too.”

“But…I'm the one who messed up. I wouldn’t blame you if you were mad.”

She squints and says the words as if she's never heard them before, “Messed…up?”

I nod, “We never talked about what happened with your dad. You’re always here taking care of me and I haven't even asked how it went."

Akane's mouth hangs open for a second and then she says, “Ohhh. Right. Yes. That's what I wanted to talk about earlier. For sure.”

“So…that's why it's up to you. Because I wasn't a good friend to you.”

Akane rolls her eyes, “You’ve been really sick. It isn’t that big of a deal.”

“Okay. But…we can talk about it now. I want to know what happened.”

Akane nods, “It went well thanks to my stepmom mediating. She should be an ambassador or something.” She laughs, “My dad agreed that he needs to stop telling me what to do with my life. I agreed to always follow his rules in the house and to never try to influence my little sisters. He was really worried about that.”

“But you never wanted to!”

Akane laughs, “I know. But I get it. Even just me being around them might influence them so…I need to do my best to minimize it. He's right.”

I nod, “I'm glad you came to an agreement.”

She smiles, “Me too. I feel much better about everything. We'll see if he holds to the agreement, though.”

“You think he might not?”

She sighs, “I dunno. I know it will be hard for him. I know he loves me. And he genuinely believes it will be better for me if I stop using my implants. To him…it's like any advice you'd give your kid, you know?

Do your best in school. Don't do drugs. Don't have sex without protection. Don't use cochlear implants. It's all the same to him, you know?”

“Oh. I get it now.”

“Yeah, he'll try to understand my side. Just like I'm trying to understand his. But…he might have a relapse. We'll see.”

“How does your stepmom feel about it? She seems like she's less strict about it.”

She laughs, “You know…I have no idea. She doesn't really say anything about it one way or another, other than that my dad and I both need to set aside our differences and be nice to each other. I guess…since she always plays peacemaker, I think she must think it's okay I have them even though she doesn't want her kids to have them.”

I nod, “Yeah, that's probably true. Um…I think at some point, maybe after I feel better and the play…I'd like to learn sign. At least a little bit.”

Akane smiles ear to ear and sounds very excited, “Really?!”

I nod, “Yeah. You're my best friend and I want to meet your family. A-and…be able to talk to them at least a little. And it's your mother tongue, too. I should know at least a little.”

Akane nods enthusiastically, “I'll definitely teach you, then.”

“I'm glad we talked about this.”

Akane smiles, “Me too. I think…we can put this issue firmly behind us.”

Chapter Text

“So, we'll be movin’ the play to July.”

Ken is currently visiting me in my room and we are practicing our dialect. I'm sitting up in bed, and he's at the desk.

It's been about a week and a half since I got sick. Chiyo brought him here but then had to go for some reason. It is later than she usually visits, so maybe she had plans. She apologized for coming in the evening for some reason, but said they had news I had to hear right away.

I think it’s the first time I’ve ever seen Ken without her. It feels a little strange.

“Oh. Because of me?”

“Actually, the student council asked us to postpone it.”

“Uh…Wha?”

Ken laughs, “That's what we said too. But they came an’ saw us in the club room an’ said it would be a nice addition to the school festival, which is in late July this year.”

“Oh.”

He chuckles, “I thought ya'd be happy.”

“I…I am. Just surprised.”

Ken nods, “I don't blame ya. It was…weird. Shizune an’ Misha were waitin’ for us at the club room door. And Misha just…blurted it out.”

I chuckle, “Sounds like her.”

“We were all confused, but Daiki was first to realize it would be best for ya, so we agreed. Now we have an extra month.”

“Will that still work for the actin’ troupe man to come see the play?”

“It should, yeah. We'll probably have a larger audience in general, too. Which will be nice. So yeah, don’t rush your recovery, okay?”

“I won't. This does…make me feel better.”

He smiles, “Great.”

There's a knock on my door and in the next instant it's open. This is what Akane has been doing since I got sick. The knock has sort of lost its meaning since she just comes in. It's sort of funny that she still does it all.

She's looking down at a bag from the cafeteria. She reaches in and says, “Nagisa, I got you the melon bread you wan-” When she looks up and sees Ken seated at my desk, she drops the bag on the floor and her mouth hangs open for a moment. Her eyes get wide as she looks around the room.

Ken stands up and says, “Hi. I'm Ken. You're…Akane, right?”

“Y-yes…I um…am. Nice to meet you.”

“You too. I was just going to get going.”

“Okay. Thanks for stopping by.”

Akane opens the door, picks up her bag, and gets out of the way, “The door's open. Do you…need help?”

He shakes his head and pulls out a collapsible cane I didn't know he had. Chiyo usually helps him when I’m around. He starts to use it to feel out the area in front of him and steps out the door.

“I should be good. Thank you. Get well soon, Nagisa.”

Akane closes the door. She stands still by the door for a moment. Then she locks it.

“Wh-what are you doing?”

Akane laughs, “Can…never be too careful, you know?”

“Um…okay. But you don't usually lock it when you're here.”

“Well…it's something I think I will start doing.”

She does always complain that I don’t lock my door enough.

She sits down at my desk and hands me my melon bread.

“So…that guy who was here. Ken. He's in drama club, right?”

I nod as I bite into my bread.

“I-is he…Chiyo's boyfriend?”

I can understand why she thinks that. And it isn’t that far from the truth. But I can't tell her that.

“No. They are always together though. Best friends.”

“Ah…gotcha.”

“Why were you so surprised to see him?”

“Oh. Um…I thought they came in the morning. So I just didn't expect someone to be here.”

“They usually do. But he had something important to tell me. Did you…get the student council to move the play to July?”

Akane laughs and smiles proudly, “Maayyyybe.”

I smile at her, “Well…thank you. It was a good idea. I feel so much less pressure.”

She smiles back at me, “That was the goal. I'm glad it worked. Shizune thought it was a good idea anyway, all I did was mention it and she couldn't help herself.”

I laugh, “Be careful, or she might try to get you on student council.”

Akane rolls her eyes, “She's always trying anyway. I…actually wanted to talk to you about something related to my friends. If you're up to it.”

I nod, “I feel pretty good. Still just a low-grade fever.”

She smiles and then nods, “Remember how…Misha um…dumped me?”

“O-of course I do. That was the first time we spent time together in my room.”

Akane laughs, “Yep. It was a really crappy night in some ways but…really good in others. Anyway, remember how…she loved someone else?”

I nod.

“Well…I know who that is now. She told me.”

“O-oh. Who is it?”

“Shizune.”

I nearly drop my melon bread, “Wh-what?!”

Akane chuckles, “That was my reaction too. Misha was pretty sure Shizune didn't like girls and was scared to confess. But…she did the other day. And Shizune turned her down.”

I frown, “That…must be so hard. Being in love with someone who can never ever feel the same. And…they are together all the time too.”

“Yeah…must be hard.” Akane looks at me and pauses for so long that I'm about to say something. Then she smiles and says, “A-anyway, the good news is…I didn't feel anything for her when she told me. Other than sympathy.”

I smile, “That's good. You think you're over her?”

She nods, “Yep! I sort of thought I was, but this confirmed it. I'm not in love with her any more.”

“That's great! I'm really happy for you. That was so hard. But you got through it.”

Akane smiles and comes and sits on my bed before giving me a hug which I return as she says, “Thanks to you.”

“Oh, you have your uniform on instead of pajamas. And you're at your desk. Feeling better?”

Daiki just came to fill me in on class for the day. It's been two weeks since I got sick. I've only had a low grade fever ever since the IV at the nurse’s office. And I feel better today than I have since it started. I am feeling giddy about it, because I’ve never felt this good this soon after getting sick. For the first time, I really believe my life is going to get disrupted a lot less by my condition. I don't have to stay in my bed while all my friends keep moving forward this time. At least, not for too long.

“Y-yeah, I was going to ask if we could go for a short walk.”

He looks worried, “Is your fever gone?”

“M-mostly.”

“Mostly doesn't mean yes. Are you sure it's a good idea?”

I stand up, glare at him, stomp my foot and cross my arms, “I have to get out of my room. I don't care what you say. You’re taking me on a short walk outside. And that's that.”

He laughs at me, which I don't appreciate since I was trying to be forceful. I do my best to glare at him. He laughs again.

“You're not very good at being intimidating. It seems very unnatural for you. You're way too cute.”

I feel my face flush, so I look away, “I-I am not!”

He laughs, “You don't want to be cute?”

“W-well…n-not right now. Right now I want you to let me go for a walk.”

He sighs and puts today’s homework down on my desk, “Fine, we can go for a 5 minute walk.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Turns out cute is pretty effective too.”

Now I feel even giddier.

We head out into the hallway and I start to jog toward the end of the hall.

He sighs, “Nagisa, take it slow. You know I kind of…have to, right?”

“Yeah, but I’ll wait for you. I j-just…really want to move!”

When I stop at the end of the hall to wait for him, I start to feel a little strange.

Lightheaded.

Legs…feel…like…jello.

Seeing…spots.

…

“Nagisa!”

…

I’m up against something warm. And my feet aren't on the ground. But I'm moving. Or…being moved.

I open my eyes, and see that I'm on my back looking up at Daiki. He's wincing slightly and looks scared. It takes me a second to put it all together, and I realize he's carrying me. I try to say something, but feel too dizzy.

Now he's putting me on my bed.

When he does, I manage to weakly say, “D-daiki…”

He looks a little relieved, “A-are you okay?”

“I…I don’t know. What happened?”

“You…fainted, I think. I caught you before…you hit the ground. But we should get…you checked out.”

His voice sounds strange. I look at him and something doesn't seem right. His shoulders aren't square, like he’s putting all his weight on his left leg. Then I realize what's missing.

“…where's your cane?”

“In the hall. I…dropped it.”

“A-are you hurt?”

He laughs wryly, “Really? You’re worried about me right now? You quite literally…just lost consciousness.”

“I know. I don't…feel too good either. But you sound like you hurt. Sit down on the bed.”

He sighs and looks a little embarrassed, but then he sits on the foot of my bed. He gets out his cell phone and calls the emergency medical number and tells them what happened.

“The nurse’ll come check on you.”

I nod, “Thank you for catching me. I could have really gotten hurt. I-I’m…sorry.”

He laughs, “Why are you apologizing?”

I fidget with my comforter as I start to feel the tears coming on, “B-because I wasn't careful. That's why this happened. Because I made you take me on a walk. Because I ran ahead. A-and if you got hurt because of that…” I start to sniffle.

He reaches out and puts his hand on my foot, which makes me laugh. He laughs awkwardly and retracts his hand.

“S-sorry, I'm not in a good spot to comfort you. Your foot was closest.” His face flushes, “That was… super weird, wasn't it?”

I giggle, “Maybe a little. But it made me stop crying.”

He chuckles, “Good. And really, don’t worry. I tweaked my knee a little, but it isn't a big deal. I’m having surgery on it this summer anyway and I doubt I did anything to make it much worse.”

There’s a knock on the door, and I say, “Come in,” expecting the nurse. But instead, it's Akane, holding Daiki’s cane. She looks concerned.

We explain what happened and Daiki thanks her for bringing his cane.

Akane grins, “So you let her sweet talk you, eh?”

He laughs, “Actually she intimidated me.”

This makes Akane laugh hysterically.

I give Akane my best glare and puff out my cheeks in frustration, but it just makes her laugh more.

I guess I'm really NOT intimidating. But, being cute isn't so bad…

Daiki chuckles and stands up with the help of his cane, “I think I’ll get going. The nurse probably doesn't need me in the way. Hope you feel better, Nagisa.”

I thank him again, and so does Akane. She sits down in my desk chair and waits for the nurse with me. She anxiously taps her fingers on the desk.

“How do you feel now?”

“Okay, I think. Now that I'm lying down.”

Before long, the nurse arrives.

He checks my temperature and other vitals and asks me a bunch of questions, “It does look like you just fainted, nothing serious. Your temperature is still trending in the right direction. Have you fainted before during your episodes?”

“S-sometimes…if…I overdo it.”

For the first time since I've known him, the nurse's face gets serious. Somehow, he is still smiling. But it's a different sort of smile. He has a very different aura.

“Yes, and it sounds like you did. Can you tell me why you did that?”

I frown and look down at my hands, “I was excited that I f-felt okay so soon after getting sick. A-and I was tired of my room.”

“I understand those feelings. But if it weren't for Daiki you could have really gotten hurt from the fall. And, while I don't think you set your recovery back, you could have.”

I see Akane nodding in my peripheral vision.

“Y-you're right, sir. I'm sorry. It was a v-very big mistake. I might also have gotten Daiki badly hurt. It was lucky I didn't. I'll be more careful.”

His usual smile returns to his face, “Furukawa, you don’t need to call me ‘sir,’ remember? He closes one eye. “Even when I’m scolding you.”

I smile back at him, “Okay. Thank you.”

He nods, “Alright, I’ll get out of you ladies’ hair. Feel better, Furukawa.”

After the nurse leaves Akane clicks her tongue and says, “Well, I think Daiki's been let go from his Nagisa duties.”

I cross my arms, “Please d-don't joke about it. I really messed up. For a minute I thought he was really hurt because of me.”

She winces, “Sorry. You're right. I didn't see that part.”

I nod, “I-if anything he should get a reward, not punished. He put his own health aside for mine.”

“That's true. I am glad he was there. I definitely wouldn't have been able to carry you like that. But…try not to beat yourself up too much, okay? We all make mistakes.”

I nod, “I'll try.”

She crosses her arms and leans back in the chair a little, “What…kind of reward are we talking about for him anyway?”

I find myself surprisingly flustered so I roll over and turn away from Akane, “U-um…I dunno. J-just a figure of speech.”

“Oh. Okay. Not any figure of speech I've heard before, but I won't press you. Get some rest.”

“This looks good. I think I can clear you to go back to class tomorrow.”

I'm at the nurse's office and he's looking over my temperature log after taking my vitals. It's been two and a half weeks since I got sick and I was feeling well enough that I came to the nurse's office on my own this morning. Even Akane said it would be okay. Although she walked with me and dropped me off at the nurse to be safe.

“R-really?”

He nods, “Yep, you haven't had any hint of a fever for two days and you haven't had symptoms either, right?”

I nod.

“Great. Then, I think you're good to go. We'll keep an eye on things of course.”

I start to get choked up, “Th-thank you, so much. I'm…so happy. I-I've never gotten better so quickly.”

He laughs, “I didn't do that much. It was mostly your new medication.”

“Th-that's not true! You…helped calm me down when it started and told me what I should do to get better quickly, and then you gave me an IV when my fever got too high, and you came to check on me a-after I fainted!”

He taps his finger on his chin and then grins, “Hmmm…when you put it like that, I am pretty impressive.”

I don't think I've ever been as excited to walk to class as I am this morning.

I knock on Akane’s door and she answers it with a big smile on her face. She's been as happy as I have since I told her I'd be going to class again starting today.

Akane and I are now out on the main quad, heading to class.

“So, you're leaving on Friday?”

When I called my parents last night with the news I was better, they were both happy for me. And my dad begged me to come home for the weekend because it's his birthday. I really miss them, so it was hard to say no.

“Yeah. I'm really glad you and Daiki are such good teachers and tutors, otherwise I wouldn't be able to go.”

She smiles, “I'm glad too.”

When we get to class, I'm surprised by how many people welcome me back. There is Mr. Suzuki of course, but also Madoka and Ichiro and other students I haven't had the opportunity to talk to as much. They all really seem happy that I'm back.

This kind of thing has probably happened to some of them. So they understand.

There's one person who is happier than the rest, though. His smile is just as big as Akane's.

He asks, “You'll…be at lunch in the club room today, right?”

I nod, “I've been looking forward to it. It's much better than taking my lunch in my room.”

He smiles, “Great. I'm looking forward to it too.”

…

“Alright, Ken. I think it’s time the two of us got out of here.”

He raises an eyebrow, “Huh? But lunch just started. And Nagisa's back! Why would we leave early?”

Chiyo blushes and leans in and whispers something to Ken, who also blushes. Then he smiles, “Okay. We've gotta go.”

What was that? Are they together now? Did I miss that while I was gone? Why didn't Chiyo tell me?

“O-okay.”

Chiyo pats my shoulder, “We'll see you this afternoon, okay?”

I nod, and the two of them leave arm in arm.

After they leave, I notice Daiki is smiling at me. He says, “I’m so glad you’re back.”

I can't help but give him a big smile in return, “Me too. What was that about with Chiyo and Ken, though? Are they finally a couple?”

He laughs, “No. Ken somehow still hasn't figured out what everyone else has. And she still hasn't told him.” He looks down and says, “I…um…asked them to leave early. That's why they were weird.”

“Oh. Why did you ask them to leave?”

“That will…become evident in a minute.”

He seems really nervous. Something I’ve never seen before. He’s usually very composed. Right now he’s wringing his hands and not making eye contact with me.

What could have made him this worried?

He clearly needs to talk about something hard. He just did so much for me when I was sick. I hope I can help him now.

He smiles at me again, and I smile back.

“I…um, got you something. A ‘welcome back’ present, I guess.”

He picks something up off the ground and puts a small gift bag up in front of me. I feel more than a little caught off guard. He seemed worried about something, and now I'm getting a gift?

“O-oh. Thank you, Daiki.”

I pull the tissue paper out of the bag and reach inside, and I'm surprised and overjoyed by what I see. It's three members of the Great Dango Family hanging on some kind of chain. I pull them out and hold them to my chest.

“I…I love it! What is it?”

Daiki chuckles, “How do you know you love it if you don't even know what it is?”

“Well…it's the Great Dango Family, that's all I need to know. You…knew I liked them from the plush in my room?”

He nods, “I asked Chiyo about that plush and she told me. When she told me, I actually…kind of remembered the commercials. I didn't realize they were still so popular.”

I laugh, “I…don't think they are. I just love them.”

He smiles, “Well, I was able to find that in Sendai. So there must be other fans out there. Anyway, that's for your cell phone. It's a strap. I… thought you might like that one.”

I smile at my gift and then squeeze it in my hand, “It will make my phone the cutest phone in school. Thank you.”

He smiles, “You're welcome. It's really great seeing you feel well again. I really missed seeing you in class, and in here.”

“Yeah, I missed it too.”

He takes a deep breath, “H-helping you when you weren't feeling well was nice, but any time I left you, I didn't really want to. I wanted to stay by your side. When you weren't in class…or at lunch, or at club meetings…I was always thinking of you.” He chuckles, “I was kind of jealous that Akane and Chiyo got to take care of you so much more since they live in the same dorm.”

I smile, “Thank you. I missed you too.”

He smirks, “I have to be more direct. You're kind of like Ken, you know that?”

“Huh?”

He stretches his hand out and gently puts it on mine. His hand covers mine entirely, and most of my wrist.

He smiles at me and his face flushes, “I like you, Nagisa. I'd like it…if you'd be my girlfriend. I-if you want to of course.”

I say the first thing that comes to my mind, “D-don't you…think you could do better?”

He pulls his hand back and knits his eyebrows. He looks angry. I clench my eyes shut so I don't have to see.

“Don't play games with me. If you don't feel the same, just tell me.”

I bow my head, “I-I'm sorry. I'm.…n-not playing games. I just…think there must be someone b-better…”

I hear his voice soften, “You…really think that, don't you? Sorry. I should have known you aren't the type to play games.”

I open my eyes and am relieved to see he doesn't look angry anymore. He looks a little sad, though.

“Do you really think so little of yourself?”

“I…I'm not as…pretty as the other girls. And I'm not good at anything. And I don't know what I want to do after high school. And I'm older than you, but I behave like a child. And I'm shy. And I'm a crybaby. And-”

He laughs, surprising me and cutting me off. Then he outstretches his hand to me, palm up. I'm not sure what he's doing at first, but then I put my hand in his, once again noticing the size difference. He closes his hand around mine.

“Nagisa…you're the prettiest girl I've ever known. And you have a heart of gold. How are you anything less than an amazing woman?”

He and Akane have both said similar things.

And Chiyo and Saki too.

Maybe…

Maybe...

I really am pretty?

I blush and stare at our hands, dumbfounded by his words. He starts to look uneasy.

“I-if…you don’t feel the same about me, that's okay. But…I do want you to know that you're great, okay?”

I feel my cheeks flush even more.

“Th-thank you. I…think you're great too.”

He looks at me with uneasiness. “Thanks. Um…how do you feel about me, Nagisa?”

I nod and smile at him, “I'll…be your girlfriend.”

To my surprise, he frowns, “I…would love that. But you don't sound sure. Knowing you…you might just be saying ‘yes’ to avoid hurting my feelings. Do you actually like me? As a boyfriend?”

He's right. I am saying yes because I don't want to hurt him. I haven't actually thought about my feelings.

I close my eyes and think.

I have felt different about him lately. Closer. I liked when he called me cute the other day and I've really noticed how sweet and handsome he is. But is that enough? I don't think I would be uncertain about it if I liked him.

I open my eyes and shift in my chair. “I…don’t know.”

“Okay. Take some time to think about it. You don't have to answer now.”

“B-but…you're so sweet to me. And…you just did something really brave, telling me this.”

Something I couldn't do.

He lets go of my hand, “Well…that's probably not quite enough for us to be together. Just…think about it, okay? You're going out of town for the long weekend, right? You can tell me after.”

I frown, “B-but…won't it hurt you if I'm not your girlfriend?”

He thinks for a moment and says, “Well, I won't lie. It will hurt if you decide not to return my feelings, because I really like you. But, it's not gonna kill me, either. So…don't worry about that. Just think about how you feel, and get back to me.”

I frown and look down, “Okay. I will think about it. A-and…have an answer…after the long weekend.”

“Great. That's all I can ask for.”

Chapter Text

I just got off the train in Hikarizaka. I'm tired from a long ride, but I can't help but smile at all the familiar sights.

There's no place like home, after all.

The train station is such a wonderful part of town. I've spent lots of time here and in the surrounding area with my family and friends.

I stop for a moment and smile at the window of the music shop where we got Kotomi's violin repaired last year. It was really nice helping Tomoya figure out what he should do for her. It was also the moment when I realized for sure he was in love with her, so it hurt a little too, but it still felt really great.

“Nagisa!”

I hear a familiar voice and turn around just in time to be wrapped up in a tight hug from my mother.

I drop my bag and hug her back and I can hear her sniffling, which makes me cry too.

We've both always been such cry babies.

“I'm so happy you're home.”

“M-me too mom. It has been hard being away.”

She breaks the hug and smiles at me, “It has been hard. But I cherish our phone calls. And you're doing so great. It's been worth missing each other.”

I nod to her and pick up my bag, “It has been. But I wish I could be in both places at once.”

…

My mom and I are walking through the park across from the bakery. We’ve had a nice time chatting about the town, the bakery and the cram school. But now my mother suddenly stops walking and says,

“Nagisa, I’ve missed you so much. But…your father has had an even harder time with you being away. So he might be rather…needy. Please be patient with him.”

“N-needy?”

She nods, “He did beg you to come home, didn't he?”

I laugh, “He did.”

“So, just expect more of the same.”

I’m not really sure what to make of her warning. My dad is always kind of silly and over the top. She should know she doesn't have to warn me about that.

“O-okay.”

We start walking again and go through the front door of the bakery, where my dad is closing things up. When I walk in he smiles from ear to ear and says, “Nagisa! Welcome home.”

He just seems like his usual self. What was she talking about?

In the next instant, he dashes over to me and throws his arms around me. I laugh and hug him back.

“Thank God you're home. A father's birthday doesn't count without his daughter by his side, does it?”

“W-well…I'm happy to be here. Happy birthday.”

Of course, I didn't come home for mom's birthday and it still happened.

Our hug goes on for an unusual amount of time before my mom chimes in, “Akio - she's had a long train ride. Maybe we should go into the house and have dinner?”

…

We're sitting in the living room around our dining table. We just had a great dinner. My mom's cooking is as good as I remembered. She's much better at cooking than she is at baking. I don't miss the cafeteria food.

“So, what are the plans tomorrow?”

My dad looks at me in confusion, “Plans?”

“Yeah, it's your birthday. Are we having the usual cookout in the park with the whole neighborhood?”

He takes a long drag of his cigarette and exhales, “I see enough of all the neighborhood jerks. I’m sick of them. Besides, some of the single ones might try and make a move on you and I don't want to get in a fist fight on my birthday.”

My mother sharply says, “Akio, stop being silly and tell Nagisa what you told me.”

He puts out his cigarette and sighs. He looks down at his hands and he looks more bashful than I’ve ever seen. He almost looks like a little boy.

“I just want to spend the day with you two. Like we used to.”

I smile, “That's what I would like too.”

He looks up at me and grins his usual goofy grin, “Great. Papa will have two beautiful women taking care of him tomorrow. I’m the luckiest man in Japan!”

…

I'm getting ready for bed in my bedroom. It feels very familiar to be here. But it also somehow feels kind of strange after two and a half months at Yamaku.

I've gotten used to sleeping on a bed, but I did miss my futon.

I crawl inside it and get comfortable. I start to think about what we might do tomorrow. I’d be happy if we just sat around and ate and talked all day. It sounds like that might be the plan. Tomorrow is my only full day here, so I better make the most of it.

Just as I'm thinking this, my phone chimes. I'm not used to the sound it just made, so it startles me. I'm too comfortable to get up, though. So, I close my eyes. Then it chimes again.

I sigh and get up out of my futon and look at my phone. It says I have two messages.

Before I left, Akane showed me how to text message. She said it's the main way her family communicates when they aren't together and it's really convenient so I should try it while I’m away this weekend. Chiyo also asked about texting while I was gone, so I told her she could too.

But I’m in over my head. I'm not very good with technology.

I flip open my phone and see a message from Akane, “Are you safe at home?”

It takes me a minute, but then I find “reply” and push the button. It takes me far too long to type out my three letter response. I have to press each key several times to scroll through characters and keep going too far. Eventually I end up with, “Yes.”

Akane quickly responds, “That’s great. It's weird not saying goodnight in person like we usually do. But text is okay. So, goodnight.”

I smile and slowly type in “goodnight” as a response.

Just before I close my phone, I see that there’s another message too. This one is from Chiyo.

“What happened with Daiki!? He confessed right?! I didn't get a chance to ask yesterday.”

I feel my face flush as I remember his confession. It was my first confession and I still can't believe it happened.

I very slowly type out my message. And just before I hit send I notice I misspelled some things. But I don’t have it in me to start over so I send, “He confesed. Don't have anser. Thinkig.”

“We are SO talking about that when you get back.”

I laugh and reply, “Good idea.”

Then I close my phone and smile.

It isn't quite being in two places at once. But it's as close as it can get.

…

We just finished a wonderful breakfast. While we normally have traditional Japanese breakfasts, my mom and I always make my dad French Toast on his birthday. We use some of the sweet bread he bakes and it always comes out really well. He's smiling happily and rubbing his stomach with a silly grin on his face. It makes me smile.

“So, what should we do today? I know we want to spend time together, but anything specific?”

My mom looks at my father and nods. He nods back. The silly mood from before is suddenly gone.

My father looks at me and says, “Nagisa…why are you so interested in plays?”

Surprised by his question, I say, “Um…I…I don’t really know. But I really love them. Even more now.”

My father sighs and knits his eyebrows, “You don't remember, then?”

“R-remember?”

He locks eyes with me, “You must remember deep down.”

I look down at my hands, “I-I don't know what you're talking about…”

My mom says, in her usual cheerful tone, “Akio. Just tell her.”

I look up and he nods to her before looking at me, “I used to be a stage actor, Nagisa. You saw some of my plays when you were little. Or at least, some of the rehearsals.”

I'm so shocked I raise my voice, “Wh-what?!”

He smiles, “I was an actor. It was my passion. I loved it. Somehow…I think that got handed down to you, even if you don't remember.”

“I-I don't understand…why did you stop if you loved it so much? Why didn't you ever tell me this?!”

He sighs and takes a long drag from his cigarette, “Because I love you more, Nagisa. I didn't tell you, because I was worried you would feel guilty. I can tell from your face that I was right.”

“S-so…it was…me? That's why you stopped? Because I started getting sick?”

“I stopped because I wanted to work at home, and be around you as much as I could. Make some actual money. And help you as much as I could.”

I put my hands over my face and say, “Y-you…lost your dream because of me.” I start to cry.

In a surprisingly stern tone my mother says, “Nagisa! Stop that!”

I remove my hands from my face and see her looking at me sternly too.

“We made the choices that were best for us and our family. That's what you do. Neither of us regret it one bit! Your father only wanted you to know he was an actor since you're one now and he wants to spend his birthday bonding with you.”

I didn't hear anything after she said, “Neither of us regret it.”

“Y-you…gave up something too?”

My mother shifts on her cushion and then sighs, “I once wanted to be a schoolteacher. Like Ms. Ibuki. B-but, we have the cram school here!”

I put my hands over my face and start to cry again. “I-if…I wasn't sick. I-if I was a normal girl-”

My mom sharply says, “Nagisa! I said stop!”

“No.”

“Huh?”

“No! I'm allowed to be upset about this. D-don't tell me not to be! You both lost your dreams because of my health and I'm not allowed to feel disappointed about that?! D-don't tell me how to feel! I-it's up to me to decide that!”

My parents are taken aback by my assertiveness. So am I.

Akane would be proud, I think. But I shouldn't have raised my voice.

Just as I'm about to apologize, my mother sighs and says, “You can feel however you like. But remember how we feel about it. We don't regret it. We are happy we made the decisions we did. We have lives we cherish. And a daughter we cherish more than anything.”

I don't respond to my mother. I just keep crying.

Suddenly, I hear a loud slam on the table. I look up from my hands and see my dad's fist on the table. When he sees me looking at him he says, “You're being foolish.”

“Wh-what?”

He grits his teeth and raises his voice, “You're being a fool! You told us not to tell you how to feel. But now you're trying to tell us how we feel?! That we have to feel disappointed?”

“I…I didn't mean to.”

“Tch. You keep talking about our damn dreams from the damn past. They don't matter. Our dreams changed. We have a different dream now.”

I sniffle, “Y-you do?”

“For you to realize your dreams. We feel like right now, we're living that dream.”

“B-but…I don’t even have any dreams.”

My mom responds, “Yes you do. Why else would you be working so hard at school? And on this play?”

I sniffle, “But I…don't even know what I want to do when I finish at Yamaku. Is graduating from high school and performing in a school play enough of a dream for you two?”

My father smiles, “More than enough, Nagisa. Our dream is for you to be happy. And you are. Happier than I can remember.”

My mother nods, “I think it's because your health is more manageable now and you've made such good friends there.”

“Y-yeah…I have.” I sigh and look at my dad, “You don't wish sometimes…that you could have kept acting?”

My dad looks uncomfortable, “Sometimes…I do imagine what that would have been like.”

I nod and look down.

Of course he does. Even if he doesn't regret it, it was what he imagined for himself for a long time.

“But I would much rather be here, baking bread with my beautiful wife, and having my birthday with my beautiful daughter. Family is what matters most to me.”

My mother beams at him and then at me.

I have a hard time not smiling back when she looks at me like that. I wipe my tears and say, “Okay…I won't cry about it anymore. But…I do want to thank both of you for being such good parents.”

My mom smiles, “You’re very welcome, Nagisa. Thank you for being a wonderful daughter. Akio - now that you told her you two share something, tell her what you’d like to do today.”

My dad grins and pulls out a stack of video tapes, “Now that you’re an actress, I thought we could watch some of my old performances. And talk about your play.”

…

It's been a really nice day. It was a little shocking seeing my much younger father perform at first, but he was a really good actor and I think I actually learned a lot from spending the day with him.

I'm getting a little sad now, though. We just finished dinner, and I'm now very aware of the fact that I leave tomorrow.

Just as I'm feeling down about this my dad says, “I know you leave early tomorrow and we've spent the day together talking. But I’m not quite ready to be done. There's something I need to ask before we go to bed.”

I look at my mom, who shrugs. I guess this isn't something they planned together like the conversation after breakfast.

“O-okay.”

“You do seem quite happy at that school. And I’m very happy about that.” He leans forward and puts out his cigarette on an ashtray, before locking eyes with me, “But…there's…not some boy trying to take my beautiful daughter away from me is there?”

Holding Daiki’s hand flashes in my head. So does what he said to me.

“How are you anything else other than an amazing woman?”

I blush and say, “Um…w-well…actually…”

My dad jumps to his feet and yells, “WHAAAT?!” loudly enough to shake the walls.

After he calms down, I explain how Daiki confessed to me, and that I’m not sure what to do.

My father crosses his arms and scoffs, “Tell him no. That he could never compare to your ruggedly handsome old man.”

My mom replies, “ Akio - Nagisa is 19, she will have a boyfriend at some point soon. And likely be a wife one day too. It’s about time you accept that other men will be in her life.”

My father looks unconvinced, “Tch. He can only have you if he can beat me in a fight.” My dad stands up and starts flexing in various poses, “I bet this wimpy high school boy can't stand up to my full grown man muscles.”

I start to giggle uncontrollably.

I got back to Yamaku today. It was sad leaving my family after such a short visit, but I'm also happy to be back. Mixed feelings are funny things.

I'm meeting Daiki tomorrow to respond to his confession and I still have no idea what I'm going to do. Talking with my parents didn't really help. My dad just kept saying I should reject him and my mom just kept saying I should follow my heart.

I invited Akane and Chiyo to my room to help me talk through things. Chiyo is here now, patiently waiting in my desk chair to hear what this is about.

When Akane enters the room, the energy changes completely. I'm not sure why, but both Chiyo and Akane's eyes get wide and they both look like they are thinking about leaving.

Eventually, Akane sits down on the bed next to me.

“Um…th-thank you both for coming, I'm having a hard time with something, and I need your help.”

Both of them seem to loosen up when I say this.

Akane puts a hand on my shoulder, “What is it, Nagisa?”

“Um…Daiki confessed to me last week. I told him I'd have an answer when I got back. But I still don’t.”

Chiyo nods and says, “I was wanting to talk about that. So…how do you feel about him?”

Akane snaps at her, “If she knew that, she wouldn't have invited us over. Or said she needed time to think.”

Chiyo rolls her eyes, “Obviously. I’m not an idiot, Akane. Don't talk to me like I am one.”

“Well…from the question you asked, I couldn't be too sure.”

I just realized this is the first time I've been with both of them at the same time. I see them both so much, but never together.

Chiyo stands up with clenched fists and scowls at Akane, “God, you haven't changed at all have you? Still a complete fucking bitch, huh?” Akane recoils from her words, and looks down.

Chiyo aggressively walks to the door and throws it open. Then she sighs and says, “I'm sorry, Nagisa. I can't be in the same room as her. I tried my best. Let me know when she leaves, and I’ll talk about this with you.”

Chiyo leaves and Akane sighs. I am completely stunned and unsure what to say. It takes me a moment to replay the conversation in my head to even get a vague understanding of what happened.

“…you two don’t get along?”

Akane sighs and hugs herself before shaking her head, “We were…best friends our first year. But we had a big falling out. Haven't talked since then…until just now.”

I frown, “I’m sorry. I didn't know. I didn't even realize you two hadn't been around me at the same time.”

She sighs and runs her hand through her hair, “I knew you were club friends and she did your nails, but I didn't realize you were this close until you mentioned her visiting you when you were sick. Ever since then…I’ve been really worried that this would happen. I didn't ever want you to find out about this.”

“About…what?”

“Nothing. Forget I said anything.” Akane sighs again, “Do you really want her here? With me? To talk about this?”

I nod, “I would like that. But, if you don't get along…”

Akane sighs, “No. I think we can both put things aside for you.”

After about five minutes, Akane comes back looking frustrated.

“Okay. I was wrong. She won't even answer the door.”

I sigh, “Oh.”

She forces a smile and sits down next to me, “You can still talk about it with me, though. We always help each other with stuff, we don't need her.”

I consider it for a moment, and then I say, “You’re my two best friends. I want to talk to both of you. What happened between you that you can't even be in the same room together?”

Akane wrings her hands and looks down, “I did something…bad. Something I don't want you to know about. A-and it isn't my place to tell you, anyway.”

“Huh?”

“Just…forget about it, okay? And let's talk this out, about Daiki.”

I cross my arms, “No…I’m not talking about this unless I can talk to both of you.”

“I get that. I do. And you can talk to both of us about it…just…not at the same time.”

“I want it to be at the same time.”

“You're not being reasonable. There's no way you can convince her to be in the same room as me. Not after what just happened.”

I don't respond.

Akane sighs and then playfully tugs on my arm a little, trying to uncross them, “Come on, Nagisa. We talk all the time without her. There's no reason we can't now.”

I need to get them to talk about what happened between them, whatever it was.

I leave my arms crossed and shake my head, “Not this time. I'm only doing it if she's here too.”

Anger flashes across her face and she raises her voice, “Yeah? Just me suddenly isn't good enough, huh? I thought I was your best friend.”

“Y-you are!”

She scoffs, “Sure doesn't seem like it. Do you really think I'm too stupid to notice she knew about this before I did?! I-it's because it's about a guy, isn't it?! Now that you might have a boyfriend, you don’t need your gay best friend anymore!? Is that it?”

I'm so stunned by her questions that I finally uncross my arms, “Wh-what?! No! That's not it! I…”

She glares at me so fiercely that I find myself unable to complete my sentence.

“Yeah, whatever. You know what? Forget it. I don’t want to talk to you, either. Might as well invite Chiyo back so you can talk to your real friend."

Akane gets up and leaves without another word, slamming my door behind her.

Chapter Text

It’s the next day. I texted Daiki last night and asked him for one more day before we meet. I felt bad, but I still don't know what to do. He was very sweet and patient about it.

As important as responding to his confession is to me, I also have some other concerns right now. I need to try and fix things with Akane, who has ignored all of my text messages since last night.

And I need to get Chiyo and Akane to talk to one another. I don't know what happened between them. But Akane said they haven't spoken in two years. So they've never talked about whatever caused them to stop being friends. I think they will both feel better if they do.

Akane seems willing to talk to her based on what she said yesterday before she got upset. And I think if Akane would avoid being rude, Chiyo would talk to her too. They used to be best friends, so they can't really hate one another. Not entirely. Can they?

I have a plan to make that happen. I'm not very clever, so it’s pretty simple. But I think it could work.

First though, I need to get Akane to talk to me. I'm standing in front of her door now. This is hard and I'm worried she won't want to be friends anymore, but last time she left my room upset, we just talked it out and things were okay. I'm nervous, but I have to do this.

I whisper, “Dorayaki,” to myself and knock on her door. There's no response.

I knock again and say, “Akane…i-it's Nagisa. I just…I want to talk to you, if you'll let me.”

When she opens the door, she looks more bashful than anything, which surprises me, “H-hey.”

“H-hi,” I look down at my feet, “I just…wanted to apologize.” I look back up at her, “I’m very sorry for making you feel like you aren't my best friend. B-but…you are, you really really are. I promise. That won't change e-even if I have a boyfriend.”

She sighs, “I already felt like a terrible person. Watching you apologize all earnestly like that and looking at me with your cute little face makes me feel like even more of one.”

She opens her door and invites me in, and we sit down on the bed together.

“You don't have anything to apologize for. I do. It's all me messing things up again. Like always.”

“Y-you didn't!”

She laughs bitterly, “You're too nice to say it, but I did. Didn't what I did upset you?”

I think for a moment, “Well…yes. I was worried about you.”

She shakes her head in disbelief, “But not mad?”

I shake my head.

“Well…I'm mad. At myself. And so embarrassed and ashamed for acting how I did. That's why I didn't respond to texts or anything. I didn't know what I could possibly say. I accused you of treating me differently for being gay when you never ever do. That…that wasn't right of me.”

She takes off her glasses and pinches the bridge of her nose, “I'm just…out of control sometimes. You know that, by now, I guess. Yesterday I had…lots of feelings about everything and it just overwhelmed me and I took it all out on you. I’m so sorry. I…I need to work on myself.”

“I-It's okay. What kind of feelings?”

“Well…it was scary talking to Chiyo for the first time in two years. And the Daiki thing caught me off guard, and then there was lots of jealousy.”

“Huh? Who are you jealous of?”

Her eyes get wide for a moment and then her face relaxes, “Oh. Um…Chiyo. I meant Chiyo, because she knew about Daiki and I didn't.”

“You should know…she figured it out on her own. I guess…because Daiki asked her about the Great Dango Family, and asked her and Ken to leave early so he could confess in the club room at lunch. So, when I was at home, she texted to see if he had confessed and I told her she did. But that was all she knew.”

Akane smiles softly, “You don't have to explain yourself. You’re not obligated to tell me everything before you tell her. I don't have a monopoly on your friendship. I'm just…a crazy person. And I hate that part of me.”

I hug her, “Y-you aren’t crazy. And you shouldn't hate any part of yourself. I don't.”

She sighs and hugs me back, “Maybe ‘crazy’ is a strong word, but I had lots of intense ugly feelings and doubts swirling around inside me and I let them get the better of me instead of acting like a grown up. It happens to me more than it should.” She laughs wryly, “My therapist calls it ‘emotional hijacking.’”

I break the hug, “W-well…it's okay to get upset sometimes. It was a hard situation. You didn't know Chiyo would be there. And I can see why it would upset you that she knew about Daiki before you did.”

She smiles , “I'm very lucky I have such an understanding friend. How can I ever repay you for continuously forgiving me every time I do something stupid and impulsive?”

This gives me an idea.

“W-well…normally I'd say, ‘You repay me just by being my friend,’ but…there is something I really want you to do…Something I think you know you need to do.”

Akane sighs and bows head, “Yeah, okay, fine. I'll do it. I'll talk to her. And…I'll keep my emotions in check. Hopefully.”

…

After I got Akane to agree to talk with Chiyo, I called Chiyo and asked her to come by at 4 to talk about Daiki. She doesn't know Akane will be here too. I feel bad about lying to her, but I don't think I could have convinced her to come otherwise.

Akane's on my bed with the dango, and I'm sitting at my desk.

Once I tell Chiyo to come in, she sighs when she sees Akane and then looks at me, “I had a feeling you would do this. Especially with how nervous you sounded on the phone.” She rolls her eyes, “You're an awful liar. But…I came anyway.”

“Um…h-hey, Chiyo.”

Chiyo ignores Akane and looks at me. I think she wants me to explain myself.

“I-I'm…sorry for tricking you. But…I just want you to talk about what happened between you. I just want you to be friends again. I-if it's possible. I want to be able to be with both of you at the same time. Even if that can't work out…you two need to talk about it. Whatever it is.”

Chiyo sighs and sags her shoulders and sits down on the bed, but as far as possible from Akane, “What do you think, Akane? Should we listen to her? She's done alot for me, so I'm willing to do this for her. What about you?”

Akane sighs and squeezes the dango, “You're… making it sound like this is a competition for who is the better friend to her.”

“Yeah, well. Maybe that was on purpose. What's your answer?”

Akane chuckles, “I'm willing to do it for her too. But…we should do it for us too. Bury the hatchet…before we graduate, at least.”

Chiyo nods.

I smile, glad to see they are willing to try. “Okay…I will leave you two to talk about it.”

I stand up and they both look at me with desperation in their eyes. Chiyo says, “You have to stay.”

Akane nods, “We need you here to moderate. We have tried talking about this before…and it…got violent.”

“V-violent?!”

What do they think I can do if that happens? I'm much smaller than both of them.

Chiyo nods, “I-It's been two years though. We're further removed from it. And more mature. So it probably won't go that way. But we need you here to intervene just in case. You'll snap us out of it.”

Akane nods in agreement and gestures for me to take a seat.

“Okay. I'll stay.” I sit back down at my desk.

Chiyo looks to me, “Which of us should start?”

“Wh-what? I don't even know the subject of the argument…how can I choose?”

Akane nervously says, “I-I’ll start. Since, the thing I did is what…led to us not being friends.”

Chiyo nods, “Okay, can I ask a question to get you started?”

Akane gestures for her to.

“Why the hell did you dig through my student records behind my back to find out about my health?”

I try to stifle a gasp, but don't succeed.

This is what she didn't want me to know about. I understand why now.

Akane looks at me with some serious shame and embarrassment on her face, and then bows her head to Chiyo, “I…thought you weren't being honest with me. You said you had anemia. But you got so nervous and depressed any time health stuff came up. I was really worried about you, but you wouldn't let me in. And it hurt my feelings.”

Chiyo hisses, “Oh, your poor feelings.”

Akane frowns, “I know it's dumb. I was also really worried about you. That you had something…fatal, and I wanted to know so I could help.”

Chiyo crosses her arms and clenches her jaw, “Do you understand now why that was bad?”

Akane nods, “I knew it was wrong then. But…when I found out you were lying, I lost it. I just…couldn't believe you didn't tell me. It hurt a lot. I got irrational. You…know the rest.”

“Yeah, you showed up at my door and yelled at me for lying to you, even though you had done something horrible. You weren’t even trying to comfort me after what you found out. You were just berating me. So I slapped the shit out of you, slammed my door shut, and never spoke to you again.” She nods towards me. “Until Nagisa.”

Akane sniffles and nods, “Yeah. A-and that brings us to today.”

Chiyo seems surprised that Akane is tearing up, and some compassion shows on her face, “I am sorry I lied to you. I wanted to tell you. So many times. But I just…couldn't. I have so much shame about it. I still do. That's why it hurt me that you went behind my back. It's my body. It was up to me to decide to tell people or not and I didn't want to.”

Akane starts to cry more openly, “Y-you're right. I'm so sorry, Chiyo. It wasn't right, what I did.”

Chiyo sighs, “I-it's okay. Thank you for never telling anyone else about my situation. Even after I hit you. Hell, you could probably have gotten me expelled.”

Akane smiles and wipes her tears, “You didn't turn me in either, even though I broke a ton of rules and was a complete bitch.”

Chiyo laughs, “Let's agree we were both bitches. Although…you were more of one. 75-25 at least.”

Akane chuckles and nods, “Agreed.” She pauses for a moment, lost in thought. “There is…one thing I want to know, before we put this all behind us.”

A hesitant Chiyo says, “Okay…”

“Why didn't you think you could tell me? I wouldn't have thought less of you. You had to know that.”

Chiyo sighs, “It's more about me than you, Akane. I just didn't want anyone to know that I can't ever be pregnant. That’s all that matters.”

Akane's eyebrows shoot up and she looks over at me, “Sh-she knows?”

Chiyo nods, “She's the first friend I ever told. And that was two years later. That's how long it took for me to feel ready to tell someone.” She chuckles, “And I only told her because she's an angel.”

Akane smiles at me, “She kind of is, isn't she?” Akane sighs, “But I still…don't understand why you didn't trust me. We were best friends, weren't we?”

Chiyo bristles, “So, still not past this, huh? I’ll say it one more time. I. Didn't. Want. Anyone. To. Know. We just have to leave it at that. I shouldn’t have to explain myself to you any more than I already have. If you can't accept that…” She trails off and shakes her head.

“Um…Akane…”

She snaps at me, “What Nagisa? I thought you were staying out of this unless we got out of hand.”

“I-I know…but, can I see you for a minute?”

She sighs and comes over to me with a scowl on her face. I gesture for her to come closer, and I whisper, “Did she know…back then, about…y-your thing you don't want everyone to know?”

Akane’s frustrated face dissolves into a surprised one. Then she looks ashamed. She nods, and goes back to Chiyo on the bed.

When she does, Chiyo laughs, “What was that about?”

“I'm gay.”

Chiyo’s eyebrows shoot up so far they are no longer visible beneath her hair. Then she looks at me and back at Akane.

She points from Akane to me and back again. “Ohhh…and you two are…?” She turns to me, “Wait, is this why you're unsure about Daiki?”

Akane and I both laugh, then Akane says, “No. J-just friends.” She pauses for a moment and then grins, “Though…we did kiss once.”

I feel my face flush, “A-Akane!!!”

She laughs, “Sorry! I'm trying to rebuild a broken friendship, okay! This is what you wanted! So I'm sharing some secrets!”

Chiyo smirks at this information, and then thinks for a moment, “Wait, so why did you tell me this now?”

“Because…I knew I was gay back then, and I didn't tell you. Or want you to know. Even as my best friend. It was because I was worried you'd look at me differently.”

Chiyo nods, “Exactly.”

“Yeah. That's what Nagisa just made me realize. I did the same thing. So…I understand now, why you didn't tell me. I…forgive you, and I'm so sorry for everything. I was way more in the wrong than you ever were. I’m…messed up. I feel like…I’m not good enough all the time - for my family, for my friends - and it makes me crazy sometimes.” She nods towards me, “I even got super angry at this little angel yesterday because I felt that way.”

Chiyo sniffles, “I forgive you too. And I’m sorry too. I should never have hit you…and we probably should have talked it out at some point in the last two years. I’m the reason we didn't.”

The two of them scoot close and then briefly hug each other as they both sniffle.

Then Chiyo smirks at me, “So…now that we’re friends again…tell me about that time you kissed Nagisa.”

Well, at least they're friends again. Even if I wish Akane wouldn't tell this story.

…

I just went to dinner in the cafeteria with Chiyo and Akane. There's definitely still awkwardness and tension between them, but it isn't suffocating like it was. For one thing, they aren’t calling each other names. Now we’re back in my room. We’re going to do what we originally intended: Talk about Daiki.

I’m laying on the bed and holding my dango. Akane is sitting at the head of the bed and Chiyo is at my feet.

Chiyo asks, “Is it because he’s so big? You’re like…the tiniest girl here, apart from maybe that second year girl on the track team. And Daiki might be the biggest guy in the prefecture.”

“N-no. It isn’t because of that.”

Akane scoffs and says, “Seriously, Chiyo. Do you even know Nagisa? Do you really think a guy's medical condition would keep her from liking him?”

Chiyo narrows her eyes at Akane, and so do I.

She looks down, “Um…s-sorry. This is taking some getting used to.”

I pat her on her shoulder, “I-it's okay. But try your best to be nice, okay?”

She nods and looks at Chiyo, “It's embarrassing to say out loud but…I'm jealous that you two are close. A-and that's why that happened. I'll do better.”

Chiyo laughs, “It’s okay. I pretty much feel the same. You two actually seem closer, so I think I'm probably more jealous. It does take some getting used to.” She looks at me, “Anyway, to be clear - it isn't because he’s big.”

I shake my head, and then quietly say, “Um…I think…I k-kind of like it.”

Akane laughs and Chiyo says, “I missed that down here.”

Akane grins, “She likes that he’s big.”

I frown, “I-Is there something wrong with that?”

Chiyo giggles, “Whatever butters your biscuit, you know?”

I sit up in confusion and look at Chiyo, “B-butters my…huh?”

Akane and Chiyo exchange a look and start laughing. I’m lost, but I smile because it's the first time it's been easy to believe that they used to be best friends.

Once they are done laughing, Chiyo says, “Anyway, so it's not his looks.”

I shake my head and smile, “He’s really handsome. And I really like his big hands. And arms. And chest. I guess…I like his big…everything.”

Akane and Chiyo exchange the same look from before and start laughing again.

This time I sigh about not getting the joke.

Akane notices and pats me on the head and says, “Sorry, sorry. You're just very innocent and it's cute. We'll stop laughing.”

Chiyo nods, “So, you think he’s attractive. Does that mean you are unsure about something else about him? Personality wise?”

“I…don't think so. He's cranky sometimes I guess, but I don't really mind. I think he’s really sweet, and I like that he loves animals, and he’s really smart, and funny. And I feel…happy and warm and fuzzy-”

Akane interrupts, "It really sounds like you like him.”

Chiyo nods, “Agreed. You sound pretty damn sure about it to me.”

“I-I do?”

Akane says, “Everything you’re saying would normally mean that, yeah. But you’re still unsure?”

I nod.

Chiyo says, “Hmm…the only thing I can think is you’re still in love with that dumb boy from back home.”

I sit up and say, “H-he’s not dumb!” with more force than I meant to.

Chiyo laughs and rolls her eyes, “If you're still reacting like that to that joke, you must still love him.”

I lay back down. “But…I barely think about him any more. I haven't spoken to him in months.”

Akane looks serious for a moment, “Well…there isn't anyone else, is there? Anyone you feel…a special kind of close to? Who makes you feel warm and fuzzy and happy any time they are around? Maybe…maybe that’s why you’re unsure?”

I shake my head, “There isn’t anyone else like that.”

She nods, “I see. Um...well then…you should really think hard about that boy from back home. And Daiki. And figure out how you feel about both of them.”

I sigh, “I was hoping you two would just give me an answer for him.”

Chiyo smiles, “Love…is a complicated thing. It can be hard to have a clear answer.”

Akane nods, “We both agree it sounds like you like Daiki. But if you’re hung up on this other boy, you aren't ready to be with him. Only you can figure that out.”

…

I'm in my room alone now.

After talking with Chiyo and Akane, and thinking it over, I think I've decided that I want to be Daiki's girlfriend.

I'm putting the Great Dango Family phone strap he got me on my phone. I hadn't yet, because it felt like doing so meant I accepted his feelings.

I smile at the phone strap and think about the person who got it for me. He’s so sweet to me and a really great guy. And I think he’s handsome. And he’s smart. And I like the idea of being in his big arms.

Just as I’m blushing over that last part, my phone rings in my hand.

Flustered, I answer, “H-hello?”

“Nagisa! Hey, it's Tomoya.”

My heart starts beating very fast.

“T-t-tomoya?!”

He laughs, “Yep, that's me. Your caller ID should have told you that, though.”

I laugh awkwardly, “I…forgot to check. Not too used to it yet.”

“Ahaha, that sounds about right. Anyway, I hadn't heard from you in a while and was thinking about you, so I decided to give you a call.”

He was…thinking of me? I didn't think he would be doing that. Does it mean something?

“You there? Is our connection bad?”

“I'm…here.”

“Good. How are things up there?”

“Good. It's…so nice to hear from you.”

“Yeah, nice to hear you too. So they treating you right up there? You been healthy?”

“Well…I got sick, but my medication and the nurse, and my friends here helped me. It was only a little over two weeks.”

“That's great, Nagisa. I am so happy to hear that. Great that you have some friends to help, too.”

“Yeah. I'm…better at making friends this year. I learned from last year.”

“Awesome.”

“Oh! And, I'm in drama club.”

“Yeah? Wasn't sure they would have that kind of thing.”

“They do! Only four members, but we’re doing a play in a few weeks.”

“That's great! Sounds like things there are going really great for you, better than at our school.”

“Yeah…in most ways, that's true. I miss all of you, though. How are things for you?”

“They are decent. Cram school is pretty tough, but Kotomi is making sure I'm on top of things.”

“That's good. Tell her ‘hi’ for me.”

“I will. Hey, listen, Kotomi and I will be back home this summer. Are you going home?”

I want to see him so badly. But…I don't think it's a good idea. This conversation isn't either. I could talk to him for hours like this. But I shouldn't.

“U-um…I might be. I'll let you know. Hey, I've…gotta go. Thanks for calling.”

He says goodbye and I hang up. I sit in silence for a moment, staring at the wall. Then I take the Great Dango Family phone strap off of my phone. I pick up my dango plush, get in bed with it, and I cry.

Chapter Text

I invited Daiki to my room today to respond to his confession. He’s going to be here any minute. I'm sitting on my bed right now tightly gripping the fabric of my comforter.

I'm dreading doing this, but he deserves an answer. I think I feel a little something for him, but my call with Tomoya last night proved I'm not over him. And I can't ask Daiki to wait around while I try to work through all that.

He's already waited patiently for far too long.

Just as I'm thinking about all this, there's a knock on the door. I open it and invite Daiki in. When I turn around and see him smiling at me, I know I can't wait any longer.

“I…I'm so sorry, Daiki.”

He frowns, “So, you don’t feel the same?”

I shake my head, “I'm in love with someone else. A boy from my old school.”

He bows his head a little and his shoulders slump, “I see.”

“I know how it feels, to have feelings for someone and not have them returned. I would never want to make someone feel the way I feel about him. I wish I could stop loving him. I wish I loved you instead. More than anything right now. Then neither of us would have to hurt. But…I d-d-don't feel that way….” I lose my composure and start to bawl.

To my surprise, he hugs me. Well, ‘picks me up’ might be more accurate, since my feet aren't quite touching the ground. His arms and chest pretty much envelop me. And he's warm. It's very comforting. It brings back memories of hugging my dad when I was little.

“Don't cry. I'll be okay.”

I really am pathetic. I shouldn’t be crying like this. I just hurt him. The person I just rejected is comforting ME.

I hug him back as best I can. But my arms don't really reach around him.

He puts me down and I look up at him with a smile, “U-um…thank you. That helped. Y-you're a good hugger. Thank you for…understanding. I hope we can be friends.”

He nods, “Of course we can.” He hands me a handkerchief.

I use it to wipe my tears.

He smiles at me, “I hope…even though we didn't work out, you'll remember what I told you when I confessed.”

I nod, “I do. Y-you…said I'm…the prettiest girl you've ever known. And…that I am an amazing woman. It's hard to forget.”

He laughs, “Good. Remember that about yourself. That's important to me.”

I nod, “I will. I…hope you know too, that you're an amazing man. I know…you probably don't want to hear it from the girl who just turned you down, but…”

He laughs, “No, go on. I like hearing nice things about me.”

I giggle, “Well…you're handsome, and the smartest person I know, and so caring and sweet. Any girl would be lucky to have you. I would be lucky to have you, if I wasn't so…hung up on Tomoya.”

He smiles, “Thank you.” He pauses for a moment with a furrowed brow. “Does that mean…you think you might feel the same some day?”

I wring my hands, “I…I don’t know. I can't make any promises. S-so…don’t wait around for me. Please. I want you to be with a girl who feels the same way you feel about her.”

He nods, “Okay.” There's an awkward silence for a moment. “Well…I think I'll go. See you in class?”

I nod and do my best to smile at him, and he leaves. When he does, I sigh and sit down on my bed. Not long after he left, there's another knock on my door. I know who it is. This was the plan.

“Come in.”

Chiyo and Akane come in and sit down on either side of me.

Akane puts an arm around me, and I rest my head on her shoulder.

“Did it go as crappy as you look?”

I sit up and frown at her, “Do I look that bad?”

Chiyo laughs, “She just means you look…devastated. Almost like you're the one who got rejected.”

I shrug, “I didn't like hurting him. He doesn't deserve it.” I hug myself and look down as I start to get choked up again, “H-he's a wonderful person who deserves to be with the girl he loves...”

Akane says, “If you really think that, are you sure you shouldn't have given him a chance?”

I shake my head, “I'm too uncertain. My feelings are all confused. I-it would be like you and Mi-...” I stop myself, realizing what I almost let slip. Chiyo knows she likes girls, but not her dating history.

“You can say her name, Nagisa. Chiyo won't tell anyone.”

I look at Chiyo, who nods. Then I turn back to Akane, “Misha really hurt you, by giving you a chance when she was in love with someone else, didn't she?”

Akane sighs, “Yeah, she did. You’re right. If he's with you and then you break it off, it's worse than rejecting him now.”

“Yeah…that's why I can't do it. I feel bad for hurting him now. But it would be worse if I was just using him to get over Tomoya.”

Chiyo frowns, “That does sound worse. Sorry you had to deal with that, Akane.”

She shrugs and pats me on the head with a goofy smile on her face, “I made it through thanks to Nagisa.”

After her hand lingers a little too long, I push it away, and Akane gives me a silly pout in response.

I turn to Chiyo, “Anyway…now that that's over, we should talk about you.”

She gets a look of panic, “M-me?”

“Yeah, you and Ken.”

Akane nods, “I thought he was your boyfriend for a long time. I was surprised when Nagisa told me he wasn't. What's the deal there?”

Chiyo shoots a glare at Akane and clenches her jaw.

Akane looks away, “S-sorry. It's none of my business. I-if…you want to talk to Nagisa alone, I can go.”

I look at Chiyo and do my best to calm her down with a smile.

Chiyo sighs and her jaw relaxes, “We can…maybe talk about it some time. But I'm not ready to confide in you just yet.”

Akane nods with a frown on her face, “Y-yeah…understandable. I'll go.”

Chiyo shakes her head, “You don't have to. I don't want to talk about it right now.” She dumps some nail polish out of her bag, “It's a boy-free kind of night, I think. So, no talking about boys again until tomorrow.”

Akane playfully clears her throat and looks at Chiyo expectantly.

Chiyo looks confused and annoyed for a moment and then her eyes get wide, “Shit. S-sorry. Um…Romance free zone? Does that work?”

Akane laughs as she gets out an impressive array of sweets from The Shanghai and spreads them out on my desk, “That works. It’s not really a big deal. I mostly just wanted to get you flustered.”

Chiyo smiles, “I'll do your nails first, as recompense.”

Chiyo and Akane sit down on the floor opposite one another while I start munching on a dorayaki that Akane brought. Akane picks out a royal purple color. That definitely suits her.

Just before she gets started, Chiyo says, “Wow…your nails are really short. They didn't used to be. Do you bite them now or something?”

Akane laughs awkwardly, “Um…no.”

“Just like them really short these days, then?”

“Yes. Yes I do.”

Chiyo raises an eyebrow, “That's all you'll say? That's weird. You’re being weird.”

Akane sighs, “Fine. But when it gets awkward, remember you asked for it. It's a lesbian thing.”

Chiyo says, “Huh!? How is it a lesbian thing? Why would lesbians need shorter nai-” She stops for a second and then says, “Ohhhhhhh.”

Akane laughs, “Now you get it. It's actually one of the sneaky ways to scope out if a girl is gay. There's not a 100% chance she's gay if she has short nails, but it's definitely more likely.”

Chiyo starts painting Akane's nails, “That's kind of sad though, not being able to really glam up your nails. It would be hard for me.”

Akane shrugs, “It's worth the trade off.”

Chiyo laughs, “You know, I can see how it would be.”

I pick up another dorayaki and munch on it with a smile on my face as I watch my two friends.

It was hard turning down Daiki. I know I hurt him and it's hard for me to feel good about that.

But it helps a lot having these two as friends.

It's nice seeing the two of them talk so naturally. I think having someone else that Akane can be her real self with is really good for her.

Even if I don't understand why her nails are so short. Or what it has to do with being a lesbian. Maybe I'll ask her later.

Drama club is very loud today.

We finished planning out the set design yesterday, and today we have started construction. We cleared out a long section of the room and have set up a little workshop.

The set mostly consists of the little house where Chiyo’s character lives. Almost every scene takes place there. So it was important for us to make sure that part of the set looks great. Daiki decided he wanted to build three wooden walls of the house, with a window looking out into Hiroshima. Right now he, Ken, and Chiyo are making the window.

Daiki is using some sort of tool to make sure angles are straight and using a saw to cut wood.

Chiyo is mostly there to help Ken. She’s handing him tools and guiding his hand to the spot where Daiki left a mark for a nail. Once she does that, he’s very good at hammering the right place over and over.

I tried to help but they shooed me away and told me to work on rewriting the last couple of lines for my character that I haven't figured out yet. I feel a little bit left out, but it's true that I need to finish. But, I think they are also worried that if I push myself too much I'll get sick.

So far they have liked all the changes I made to my lines, with little criticism. It has been challenging to do, because the ghost of the father in the play says many things that would not make sense coming from a mother. And I also need to make sure what she is saying now is in the same tone and spirit as the original line. Some of Chiyo’s lines need to be changed too, since she’s now talking to her mother instead of her father. It's hard, but I’ve also found that I really enjoy doing it.

For example, right now I’m struggling to find a way to rewrite the following conversation:

CHIYO’S CHARACTER: ...you would lure as many women as you could with cigarettes and rice and take them to some hot springs resort and that's when Nobu took those secret photos of them that he showed to those officers and then you...

MY CHARACTER: (interrupting) That very same Nobu now sells little jellies that he gets from God knows where.

CHIYO’S CHARACTER: I know.

MY CHARACTER: Such talent as a photographer and he wastes it peddling black-market jellies!

CHIYO’S CHARACTER: Serves him right for taking nude pictures in the hot springs!

It doesn't help that I laugh every time I read it. It sounds like a conversation I would have with my dad. But that's kind of the problem.

Maybe the mother could be complain-

*BANG BANG BANG*

It’s loud enough that I’m having a hard time concentrating. Just as I’m thinking about telling my clubmates I’ll go work in the library, I see a frustrated Chiyo coming my way.

“What’s wrong?”

She sighs, “Ken wants you and me to go to art club to see about getting a poster made.”

“Oh. That's a good idea. Why are you angry about that?”

She sighs, “I dunno. Felt more like he was trying to get rid of me. Both of us, actually.”

“Maybe he wants some boy time with Daiki?”

“Yeah. Maybe.” She thinks for a minute, “Actually, you're probably right. He mentioned something the other day about wanting to talk to Daiki about how he's doing.”

“Oh, no. Is his knee bothering him?”

Chiyo laughs, “No, silly. About…the thing with you.”

Since the day I had to reject him, Daiki and I act like we always have. I still feel bad for doing it, but I was relieved to see he didn't seem upset. But, maybe he is and I didn’t notice.

Chiyo prods my cheek, “Stop frowning. He's doing okay, I think. But it is good for him to talk about it with someone. I'm not sure he has. He's not exactly a social butterfly, you know?”

“R-really? He seems social to me.”

“I guess he isn’t the obviously socially awkward type, huh?” She chuckles, “Well, apart from the cat thing.”

I frown, “I like the cat thing.”

Chiyo rolls her eyes, “I know, me too. I'm just trying to say…he doesn't really spend time with people outside of class and clubs. I think we’re his only friends. And maybe Akane? Helping take care of you was the most I’ve ever seen him outside of a ‘school’ setting. We used to invite him to stuff and he always said no, so we gave up.”

I frown, “I d-didn’t know.”

Chiyo sighs, “Don't feel bad about it. Some people like keeping to themselves…I'm just trying to say, I think Ken wants to check on him. So I shouldn't be so frustrated.”

I nod, and then stand up. “Okay…let's go to art club.”

When we’re about halfway to the school building, I realize something.

“Do we have any idea what we want to do for the poster?”

Chiyo nods, “Daiki and I came up with a design.”

“What kind of art do we need?”

“Hmm…someone who can do realistic-looking people, I guess? A portrait. No abstract stuff.”

…

When we get to the art clubroom, there's no teacher in sight and only a handful of students. They are all working and don't even look up at us.

The student closest to the door is a girl with short red hair, but that's not the first thing I notice about her. The first thing I see is that she's painting with her feet.

She's holding a paintbrush and using it with more skill than I ever could with my hands. She’s using vibrant reds and oranges, but I can't really make out what her painting is supposed to be.

I find myself captivated by her movements. I only stop watching when Chiyo pokes me in the arm.

I look up at her and she mouths, “Stop staring!”

Only now do I notice that this girl doesn't have arms. Her shirt sleeves are tied into knots. I was so amazed by how well she could paint with her feet I hadn't stopped to think why she uses her feet. I can see why staring is bad.

Chiyo steps forward and says, “E-excuse me. Do you know where the art teacher is?”

Without looking up from her canvas the girl says, “Yes.”

After it becomes clear she's not going to continue, I chime in, “Can you tell us?”

“Somewhere.”

Chiyo replies, “...where is that, exactly?”

“Not here. That's what makes it somewhere.”

“Okay, but uh…what exact place might I find him?”

The girl tilts her head to the side and thinks for a moment, “Japan.”

Chiyo sighs in frustration, “That's…not an exact place.”

“Seems exact. We’re in Japan, right? It's exactly where we are.”

Seeing Chiyo’s growing frustration I step in, “I-is he on campus?”

“Dunno. Have thoughts I need to paint.”

“O-okay. Sorry for disturbing you. Thank you.”

We step back in the hall where Chiyo says, “Well…I guess we can just try talking to students. I thought he might point us in the right direction. We aren't talking to her again, though.”

I nod and we go back into the art room and survey things a little.

Chiyo nudges me and whispers, “What about her? Her work looks like what we want.”

Chiyo nods towards a girl and I'm surprised to see a familiar face. She seems to be painting a portrait. It looks like a red haired girl with green eyes and twin tails. She seems to be using a photograph of the girl as reference. It's one of the two of them together at the beach. She must be her friend.

Why is she here, though?

“S-Saki?”

She curtly says, “Just a second.”

I think I learned today that artists really don't like to be interrupted.

She puts down her paintbrush and turns to me with an annoyed face that quickly dissipates, “What is i-? Oh, Nagisa! What are you doing here?”

I laugh, “I was going to ask the same thing. Aren't you in band?”

She laughs, “I am. But art club too.”

“Wow…you must work very hard.”

She sighs, “Yeah. Too hard.” She sighs, “Our adviser is making us all submit work to a little art show in town next weekend, but he only sprung it on us today.”

That explains the mood in here.

Chiyo pointedly clears her throat, making me realize I haven't introduced them.

After introducing the two of them and explaining that Chiyo is in drama club with me, I say, “We wanted to make a poster for our play. And we thought maybe we could commission someone here to do it.”

Chiyo adds, “We don't have much of a budget…but we can pay a little. We need it in like a week.”

Saki nods, “Well…I don't know if any of us will have time. What are you looking for, exactly?”

I look to Chiyo whose smile looks more than a little mischievous, “Nagisa in her costume, but like…turning kind of transparent, since she'll be playing a ghost.”

I turn towards Saki with raised eyebrows, “Wh-what!?”

My surprise makes Saki laugh and Chiyo joins her.

“Shouldn't it be you? Y-you look like a model!”

Saki smirks at Chiyo and looks her up and down, “I mean…she's not wrong. I hadn't met you before, but everyone knows who you are. The guys who don't know your name call you ‘That really hot third year.”

Chiyo blushes and then shakes her head and looks at me, “The play is called Living With Mother, and you're playing the ghost mom. Makes way more sense for you to be on it.”

Saki nods, “She’s right, given what the play is called and who you are playing, it has to be you.” Saki pauses for a moment and taps her finger on her chin, “This is probably going to go the best for you if you use a photograph and then have someone edit in the transparent stuff and the title of the play. I think that would look best.”

Chiyo nods, “That sounds good, but who can do that?”

Saki says, “Well…we have cameras here and we did some photography last year, so I could take the pictures. It should just take like 30 minutes, so I have the time.” She grins at me, “We can have a little photo shoot. Sounds kinda fun actually.”

“O-okay. But what about the computer part?”

“You might try newspaper club. They probably have the software and the know-how.”

After setting up a time and place for Saki to take photos of me (this Sunday evening), we head down to the first floor of the school building to see if the newspaper club is in session.

…

We are in the school newspaper's club room, but it appears to be empty. It's an empty room with a few computers. A stack of this week's paper is on one of the tables.

There are two offices off to the side, though. I check one while Akane checks the other. It seems I've found yet another computer and an empty room. The lights are even turned off.

I flip the light switch and hear, “Mmn…trying to nap…turn off.”

My eyes open wide and I'm scared for a moment, and then I see there's a boy hunched over the keyboard and laying his head on the desk. Just as I'm about to turn the light off and leave, he opens his eyes and sleepily says, “N-nagisa?”

Now I see that this sleepy boy has a familiar face.

“Ichiro? You're in newspaper club!?”

He sits up and rubs his eyes, “Yeah. Akane have you thinking I’m a lazy good-for-nothing?”

“U-um…”

He laughs, “I only joined this year, to be fair. Realized I’d need to if I want to go to university.” He gives me a welcoming gesture and says, “Come in, come in - you don’t have to stand on the threshold.”

I nod and approach him. When I’m close enough he takes my hand and bows his head towards it, “To what do I owe the pleasure, fair Nagisa?”

I feel my cheeks flush, “U-um…”

Chiyo steps into the room saying, “Is someone actually in here?” Then she sees me and Ichiro and steps towards us and forcibly separates our hands, “Don't let this creep touch you, Nagisa. He’s the worst.”

Whoa, she sounds like Akane. I guess they hated him together their first year.

He grabs Chiyo's hand now and grins, “Ah, ‘tis the fairest maiden of them all.”

Just as his lips start to move towards her hand she rips it away, “Shut up, Ichiro. And don't touch me.” Then she huffs and says, “God, you’re still this much of a creep?! I haven’t missed this.”

Ichiro's shoulders slump, “I was just messing around. I'm not a creep anymore. Tell her, Nagisa!”

“U-um…he's not a creep. H-he's really nice.”

“See?”

She scoffs, “Like I can believe her. She doesn't say bad things about anyone. Even when they deserve it.”

He sighs, “Fine. I’m still a creep. But less of one, okay!”

“That I can believe. Anyway, are you the only one here?”

“That's right. We just finished the week's paper and everyone went out to celebrate but I was too tired.” He yawns and then smiles, “So…just the three of us. Whatever will we get up to?” He winks at me playfully.

“If you do something creepy one more time…I swear…I'm gonna…”

Chiyo trails off so I say, “W-we'll bring Akane in here to scold you!”

He sighs, “Damn. Bringing out the big guns, huh? Fine, fine. I'll behave.”

Now he puts on an over the top professional voice, “How might I be of service to you two young ladies today?”

Chiyo rolls her eyes and says, “We are making the poster for our play. We need someone who can do…computer photo editing…stuff. Is there someone like that in the club?”

He gestures for us to walk around him and look at his computer screen. There’s an article about a recent track meet on the screen, titled “IBARAZAKI SHATTERS SEVERAL PREFECTURE RECORDS.” Beneath it, there's a photo of a smiling girl in twin tails throwing her arms up at the finish line. There are several medals hanging around her neck. One says, “Women’s 100m,” and the rest list her other records.

Chiyo says, “You did this? You added all those medals and text? They look so real. Not sure I buy it.”

He sighs and clicks on something, and the photo without the medals appears on the screen.

“Believe me now? I make all the graphics in the paper. Even some of the ads.”

Chiyo goes back to the main club room and brings a paper back with her. She starts flipping through it.

Chiyo sighs, “I hate to admit it but…you’re good.”

“Thanks. I've been doing it awhile. Taught myself Photoshop when I was 13 so I could make pictures of hot celebrities in the n-...” He clears his throat, “...in the natural world.”

Chiyo rolls her eyes, “Nice save creep.”

I ask, “W-would you be able to make a person look transparent and ghostly?”

“Yeah, I could swing that, I think.”

Chiyo looks at me with concern, “Are you really sure you want this guy to have your picture? Sometimes these things go over your head. So I want to make sure - you know what he was about to say a minute ago, right?”

I nod, “Y-yes…he's like the father in the original version of our play.”

Chiyo laughs, “Pretty much. The modern version of that.”

“B-but…he won't do that with my picture. I know he won't.”

Chiyo shakes her head, “Look at the blind trust this pure maiden has in you, Ichiro. That alone should set you straight. But if you betray that trust…I think I know at least two people who would kill you. Both of them are in your class and know where you live.”

Ichiro frowns, “I would never do that, okay! I did that when I was a kid. And never with girls I knew. Promise!”

Chiyo smiles, “Good boy. Well…we’ll bring you a photo on Monday that we’ll need your help with. We can pay a little.”

He waves his hand, “I’ll do it for free. To make up for being a creep.”

“Well…I’m not sure that can ever be made up for, but it's a start.”

Chapter Text

“Alright, we’ve got a deadline now so we better finish your costume.”

Chiyo and I are in the club room on a Wednesday afternoon. So far we’ve kind of put off my costume because it's the hardest. But now we need it in a few days for the photo shoot for the flier. We have two halves of a checkered purple and cream kimono on the sewing table and we’re trying to decide the next step.

I nod, “Are you still thinking we’ll be able to finish the monpe? Wouldn’t it be easier to go with one of the other kimonos?

Chiyo shakes her head, “There’s no way this woman would have been wearing a nice kimono or dress in 1945, though. You’re the one who told me that, remember?”

I nod, “Times were hard a-and the government wanted women to reuse old clothing. But maybe she just kept her old clothes in really good shape?”

We found lots of kimonos and other traditional clothing in the clubroom, but no monpe made from kimono.

Chiyo sighs and looks down at the checkered purple and cream fabric, “That will be Plan B, I guess. If we don't pull it off. But I think I can do this. It doesn’t even need to look perfect. It is actually more realistic if it looks a little sloppy.”

I learned in my research that a monpe were pants that women who worked on farms wore well before the war. But during the war, women were expected to make an entire outfit from their old kimonos, including monpe and a jacket-like top.

It’s most likely what my character would have worn. But, Chiyo’s right that it doesn’t need to be perfect. Poor women usually made their own, and even back then it isn’t like every woman was an expert seamstress.

“Have you tried the top on, yet?”

I shake my head and put it on over my uniform. It’s basically like the top part of the kimono, with the bottom chopped off. This part wasn’t too difficult.

Chiyo looks at me and nods, “That looks pretty good, at least. We probably don't need to fuss with it too much.”

Chiyo is looking at the women’s fashion book I got from the library. She’s looking back and forth between the image of a woman wearing a monpe and the half of a kimono in her hands.

“Somehow…I have to make pants out of this.” She laughs softly, “It’s too bad there isn’t an instruction manual.”

“A-actually…the book says that in women’s magazines at the time, there were instructions for how to make them.”

Chiyo looks at me with a smirk, “Yeah? Have any women’s magazines from the 1940s?”

I bow my head, “No.”

The door to the club room opens and closes, and I turn, expecting to see Ken or Daiki, but I’m surprised to see Mr. Suzuki instead. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him around anything club-related, even though he is our adviser.

He smiles at us, “Hello ladies. I thought I would check in as the date approaches.” He sees what we’re doing and says, “Ah, working hard on costuming, I see. Carry on, I’m just observing. Pretend I’m not here.”

We both greet him, and then he begins to hover around us. He looks at me, still wearing the top of the monpe, then at the fabric on the table, then at the book that we have open next to it. It's pretty hard to continue to work normally with him watching.

He smiles and looks a little misty-eyed as he looks at the photograph in the book, “In my earliest memories, that’s what my mother was wearing. I had forgotten that.”

Chiyo says, “R-really? She wore monpe made from kimono scraps?”

He nods, “I was born in 1941, so I remember a little of the war. Unfortunately, I don’t have any advice on how to make them. I was just a little boy, and my mother has long since passed away.” He laughs, “Even if she were still alive, I don’t think she would have wanted to help you. I remember her happily throwing them away when my father got her new clothes after the war. She didn’t think they were very flattering.”

I laugh with him, “That’s a really nice memory.”

He nods, “It is. Thank you two for helping me remember it.”

“S-sir…do you know if the library has women’s magazines from the time of the war?”

He smiles at me, “Ah, good thinking.” He strokes his beard for a moment while he furrows his brow, “I doubt they have any of the original magazines here…but they might have some microfilm. Would you like me to go look for you?”

“O-oh…you don’t have to do that, sir. We can go and do it.”

He shakes his head, “I’d be happy to. I’m feeling nostalgic now. It will be nice to go and look for the magazines my mother used to read. I also happen to know how to view microfilm. Do either of you?”

Chiyo laughs, “I don't even know what microfilm is.”

She looks at me and I say, “Me neither.”

“Okay. I’ll go do that. And I’ll have any information about monpe printed out and bring them back to you.”

Chiyo and I exchange a look, and I know we’re both thinking – Is he going to wander off and forget about us?

Still, in the end I say, “Th-that would be really helpful sir, thank you.”

After he leaves, I help Chiyo put the finishing touches on her own outfit for the play, a plain blue western-style dress that women were wearing in the post-war period. Luckily this is a much easier task. We had plenty of dresses that would have worked in the club room. The only thing left to do is bring out the bust a little more for her, because right now the dress is a little too tight.

However, once we finish with that task in a few hours, we start to worry that Mr. Suzuki hasn't returned.

Chiyo says, “I guess…we can go and look for ourselves tomorrow. Was probably a mistake to think that he would be reliable.”

I nod, and we start to get things ready to lock up the club room. But just as I'm about to turn off the light, Mr. Suzuki comes through the door.

He smiles, “Hello again, ladies. Sorry I was gone so long. I got a little distracted reading some of those old articles. It was quite fascinating. There was even some old poetry that I found quite-”

He notices that Chiyo and I are staring at him anxiously, causing him to chuckle, “Oh. Silly me. I should have led with the good news. I found what you were looking for. There were actually quite a few different articles about making monpe from kimono, but this one has step-by-step photos, so I think it will be most helpful.”

He hands Chiyo a few of pieces of paper and she quickly flips through them. As she does, her smile gets wider and wider.

“I-I can do this! Thank you, Mr. Suzuki!”

He smiles, “It's no problem. I am the adviser after all. About time I contributed something, isn't it?”

I laugh, “Thank you sir.”

He smiles, “I must commend you both for going to such lengths for accurate costuming. You two do good research.”

Chiyo puts the papers down and claps me on the back, “Nagisa did the research. And yeah, she did a great job. I had never even heard of monpe.”

He smiles at me, “I look forward to seeing the finished product. Have a good evening, you two.”

He sees himself out as Chiyo pores over the microfilm printouts some more, “I can do it. But this is going to be tough, and might take multiple tries. I think we’ll need Saturday afternoon and all day Sunday until the shoot. Are you free? I could use the help.”

“O-of course!”

I want to say something about how beautiful it is that we are working so hard towards a common goal, but I know I'd get laughed at.

Saki puts the camera up to her face and points it at me while she looks through the viewfinder, “Alright, I think I have all the settings where they need to be. Are you ready?”

“U-um…I think so.”

It's time for the photoshoot with Saki. I'm wearing sandals, a purple monpe and a head scarf over my hair.

Chiyo and I only finished the monpe pants about two hours ago. We (mostly she) figured it out on the second try, but that also means we had to use two different kimonos. So my top has a checkered purple and cream pattern, while the bottom is a solid purple. But they match well enough. Luckily, we found out that monpe weren't always matching. Women just had to work with what they had on hand, after all.

Ken and Daiki also finished making the back wall and the window for the set. We moved it to the stage so there would be good lighting for the pictures. I'm standing in front of the window, unsure how I should pose.

Akane rolls her eyes, “You look like the prettiest little World War II wife ever. Stop being so bashful.”

Both Akane and Chiyo are here too. They are standing on either side of Saki. Chiyo makes sense because she knows how she wants the flier to look. I think Akane is mostly just here to tease me. She did bring snacks for later, though.

I feel kind of alone on my side of the stage, with the three of them examining me.

Chiyo nods, “It's true. You look great.”

Saki nods, “Agreed. So…let’s do a few of you standing by the window inside the house. And then I think it might be neat to do a few where I’m taking pictures from the outside and you’re in the window. Sound good?”

Chiyo nods, “Works for me.”

“U-um…how should I stand?”

Saki looks to Chiyo who says, “Well…we should do our best to capture your character’s essence. How do you think she would have stood?”

I think about it for a moment, “M-maybe…like this. It’s how I stand for most of the play.” I move so my shoulders are square with the camera and fold my hands across my lower abdomen.

Chiyo nods, “That works. What about her face? What’s her emotional through-line in the play?”

“Um…she's v-very worried about her depressed daughter who she loves very much. But also very hopeful that she has found love. And that it will help her heal. So...I should look worried but also hopeful?"

Chiyo smiles, “I've seen that face in rehearsal. Should we do a few lines to get you in character?”

I look at Akane and Saki and feel a little nervous. But that's silly. They are my friends. And before long I'll have to do this in front of strangers.

I nod, “Um…okay.”

“How about the anpan conversation?”

I nod.

“Okay, let’s start.”

I look at Chiyo sternly and wag my finger at her as I say, “Ya know, he wouldn't give ya an anpan if he hadn't taken a shine to you.”

Chiyo sighs and shakes her head, “You see too much in a pastry, mother.”

I laugh wryly, “Even a pastry can carry a lotta weight.” I point at her and narrow my eyes, "It's you who should have the courage ta look into it a bit more deeply.”

Chiyo looks away from me and frustratedly sighs, “Mr. Kinoshita gave it to me to thank me, mother, that's all.”

I scoff at her, “There's another hidden meanin’ in that anpan, I'm convinced of it. Call it a mother’s intuition.”

Chiyo stomps her foot and with a loud, shaky voice says, “WILL YOU PLEASE STOP BRINGING UP THE ANPAN!?”

I'm quiet for a moment, looking on in shock at how upset she is about this. I soften my voice and give her a small smile, “Look, sweetie. This thing is crucial for you and I'm not goin’ to rest until I get to the bottom of that anpan.”

Chiyo smiles and in her normal voice says, “There, that's it! Hold that face!”

I do as I'm instructed, but to my surprise Saki isn't immediately ready. She laughs, “S-sorry! I got caught up in all that.”

Akane laughs, “Me too. I kind of forgot we were even taking pictures.”

…

We just finished the photoshoot. Saki thinks she got some good ones for Chiyo to choose from. I feel very relieved. Between working on the monpe and the photoshoot, it has been a tense weekend. But now I feel like I can rest.

The four of us are sitting on the edge of the stage now chatting and eating some snacks Akane brought.

Saki says, “Thank God you brought some anpan. I really wanted one after that little showcase.” She smiles at Akane, "The on-theme catering is impressive.”

Akane laughs, “I actually didn't know about anpan being in the play. But I did know Nagisa loves them.”

I nod as I munch on one of them, “I-it’s true.”

We all laugh about the coincidence.

Not long after, Saki sighs and stands up after finishing her anpan. In a very dejected voice she says, “I guess I need to get back to painting. But before I do…” She looks at me and runs her hand on my sleeve, “Where did you get this kind of outfit? I’ve never seen anything like it. I want it. Or well…one my size, anyway. Don't think yours will fit. Where did you even get it?”

Chiyo responds, “We made it from two old kimonos. It's what lots of women wore back then.”

Saki looks at Chiyo with eyes that are practically sparkling, “You have…vintage clothes in your club room?! And you know how to do alterations!?” She pauses for a moment and taps a finger on her chin, “Hmm…can I be in three clubs?”

Chiyo laughs, “I thought you might be into fashion with the outfits I've seen you in. And you always have on cute bracelets.”

Saki nods and thumps her cane on the ground, “I even accessorize with my cane.” She holds out a yellow flowery bracelet that is connected to her cane and looped around her wrist.

“Well, we have nothing but vintage clothes and old costumes in there from the old days of the drama club. So, we were able to find enough period clothes for three people. Took some digging, though.”

“Well jeez, now I want to do some digging.”

Chiyo laughs, “Hmm…our club probably won't exist next year. If it doesn't, I'll make sure I leave you the key so you can do a little shopping. It's the least I can do for your help with this.”

What?!

Saki's face lights up, “That would be cool. Alright, I've gotta go. I'll get you the pictures later tonight. Email works?”

Chiyo gives Saki her email address and then we say our goodbyes to her.

Once the three of us are sitting down again, Akane pokes my cheek, “Why do you look all sad all of a sudden?”

I look at Chiyo and say, “There…won't be a drama club next year?”

I must have sounded upset, because the playful mood from earlier is suddenly gone.

Akane says, “Well…you're all third years, right?”

Chiyo nods, “Right now the whole club graduates in the Spring, Nagisa. I'm sorry…I shouldn't have brought it up right now.” She smiles softly, "I'm…glad you like the club so much that you're upset it won't be here though.”

I frown, “I…hadn't really thought of next year yet. I think it would be so sad if there isn't drama club next year. What if someone wants to join and finds that it's gone?”

Akane puts an arm over my shoulders and says, “That's what happened to you at your old school, huh?”

I nod, “I w-was so excited to join and…then there wasn't a club. I don't want that to happen to someone else.”

Chiyo nods, “Well…we will see what we can do after the play. Maybe we'll find people who want to continue it.”

“I hope so…maybe the play will get people interested.”

Chiyo smiles, “Yeah, maybe.”

Akane chimes in, “If you two perform like you did tonight I think you'll have a whole lot of people interested.”

“Now then…if I remember correctly, you wanted me to make her clothes transparen-Ow!.”

“Y-you didn't have to hit him, Chiyo.”

Chiyo and I are in the graphic design room for the school newspaper. Ichiro just opened the photograph of me that we emailed to him. I’m wearing my costume and look very motherly. In fact, I've seen the look on my own mother's face many times before. Especially any time we went to the doctor, hoping for answers about my condition. That's probably where I got it from.

Chiyo scoffs, “I just flicked the back of his head. And he should be lucky to get off so easily. If I were Akane he probably wouldn't have a head left.”

He sighs while rubbing the back of his head, “Yeah, yeah. I knew the risks and I still made the joke. Anyway…give me like 30 minutes.”

“R-really? That's all it will take?”

“I think so. I just have to isolate you from the background, lower the opacity, and then put you back in. Might also add an outer glow to make it a little more…spectral.”

Chiyo and I exchange a look as if to say - Did you understand any of that? I can see that neither of us do.

He laughs at us, “I can add in the play's title and stuff too, if you leave it all with me.”

Chiyo writes everything down for Ichiro. Then the two of us head to the cafeteria for a snack while we wait for Ichiro to do his work.

…

We just finished our snacks, and I find I’m curious about something.

“Do you really think Akane would kill him for joking about my clothes being see-through?”

Chiyo grins, “Probably. She…really cares about you.”

“You care about me too. And you only flicked him.”

She laughs, “Did you want me to kill him?”

“N-no! Of course not. I think flicking him was too much.”

“Then…what are you saying?”

“I'm saying….why do you think her reaction would be different?”

“U-um….I don't know for sure…but I think maybe…she cares about you a little differently than I do.”

“What do you mean?”

Chiyo fidgets with one of her braids and then strings words together so quickly I have a hard time keeping up, “I dunno. She just has a temper, you know? A-and you two are closer than we are. I dunno. I'm far from an expert on her these days. I don't really know what I'm talking about. I was mostly just trying to scare Ichiro.” She looks at the time, “W-we need to go back.”

“It's only been 15 minutes.”

“Yeah, well…we need to make sure Ichiro is doing his job! You know how he is.”

I'm at a little shop at the bottom of the hill. It’s across from The Shanghai. It mostly looks like an antique shop. I suppose that's the most fitting place for an art showcase in this little town.

There are several Yamaku students milling about, as well as several older people. There isn't really an in between. I think I heard that the people who live in this town are on the older side. That's certainly how it looks every time I come down here.

Eventually, I find the student I’m looking for.

“Nagisa? What are you doing here?”

I smile, “Hi Saki. I wanted to come see your painting.”

She smiles, “Aw. You’re the sweetest.”

“Well…you took photos for the drama club and wouldn't let us pay you, so…you might be sweeter.”

She laughs, “I don't think that's possible. If I were any sweeter than you, I’d have diabetes.”

“SERIOUSLY?!”

I’m startled by the very loud outburst of a girl nearby, who is now approaching us.

That's a voice that could rival Misha.

She’s about as tall as Saki, with brown eyes and short dark brown hair in a bob kind of like mine.

Saki laughs and smiles at the girl, “Sorry. I couldn't help making the joke with you in earshot.”

She crosses her arms and grumbles, “Come to see your art and what do I get in return? My medical condition mocked.”

I frown at Saki, “Th-that wasn’t very nice of you.”

Chisato looks at me, “Trust me, Nagisa. She’s not as sweet as you. Miso soup is sweeter than she is.”

Saki laughs, “Nagisa, this is my best friend, Chisato.”

She scoffs, “Former best friend.” She walks over to me and loops arms with me, “I think Nagisa's my best friend now. My blood sugar is low from being around you too much. I could use the sweetness.”

I laugh while Saki sighs and asks, “Are you really upset with me?”

“A little, yeah. You don't hear me making jokes about your condition, do you?”

Saki frowns, “You're right. I was just being silly and wasn't thinking. I'm sorry.”

Chisato unloops her arm with mine and gives Saki a stern look, “It's alright. I forgive you.” The next instant she looks around excitedly with a smile on her face, “Now…I think Nagisa and I are both here to see a painting!”

Her level of energy rivals Misha too.

Saki laughs and guides us to the painting. It's the one I saw her working on in the art room. It’s a beautiful brown-eyed girl with red hair in twintails.

Chisato says, “Sh-she looks….so good, Saki.” She half-laughs half-sniffles, “She would be embarrassed you painted her.”

Saki laughs, “Yeah. I thought the same thing. I thought about painting her to look embarrassed but then I thought she’d hate me if I did.”

As the two of them talk more about the girl in the painting, I approach it to look at it more closely. Then I look at the little card on the wall next to it. The title is just a name - “Kayoko.”

“You painted her in her favorite outfit too – the one she got during our first shopping trip in the city together. Th-that’s…a nice touch.”

Saki laughs, “She never liked shopping quite as much as you or I though, did she? She was always more pumped about where we’d eat.”

Chisato laughs, “You should have painted her scarfing down a bowl of ramen.”

As I continue to listen to Saki and Chisato talk about her, I realize they are only using past tense. And while they are both composed, they are both also very emotional.

I think back to when I saw Saki using a photograph of the two of them together as reference when she was painting. Saki looked pretty much the age she does now in the same photo.

I put that all together and come to a sad conclusion.

Kayoko passed away. And recently. It sounds like it used to be the three of them all the time. It would be like…if Akane or Chiyo passed away.

I hadn't really thought about the fact that some students at Yamaku, some of my classmates, have conditions that could shorten their lives. That’s…

“-nk, Nagisa?”

Oh, I think Saki’s talking to me.

“Huh?”

Saki raises an eyebrow, “I said…sorry, we've been leaving you out. What do you think of the painting?”

“Oh…it's…she's…very beautiful.”

Saki smiles, “Thank you. It helps having a beautiful person to paint. The date of this little show just happened to be her first birthday since she…passed. So…I thought I’d make her a painting.”

I should let the three of them be alone. As alone as they can be in a public place, anyway. They will feel like I need to be included in the conversation otherwise and they shouldn't have to do that.

Plus if I stay here I’m probably going to cry. And I don't want to make this about me.

I reach into my bag and pull out a flier for the play, “Um…here. I wanted you to have this. To see how it turned out. We’re putting them all up tomorrow.”

Saki takes the flier and looks at it with a smile, “It looks great. I’m glad that all worked out. It helped having a pretty subject in this one too. I'm excited to see the play.”

“Thanks again for your help.” I look at the painting and then at each of them and say, “I’m…very sorry you lost her.”

Chisato nods, without looking away from the painting, “We are too.”

Saki adds with a soft smile, “Thanks for coming.”

Chapter Text

I've spent the afternoon putting fliers for the play up on campus. I just finished putting them up outside the auxiliary building, and I'm stopping to use the restroom before heading to the athletic fields.

Just as I'm about to leave my stall, I hear someone else enter the bathroom. She turns on the faucet and the hand dryer, confusing me at first. But then I hear the faint sound of her sniffling.

She's trying to make sure people outside don't hear her.

Should I just stay here and let her have her privacy? Or try to help?

Just as I'm thinking about this, I accidentally drop my bag.

“I-is…someone in there?”

I sigh and push open the door, “Y-yes.”

The girl I see by the sink looks very familiar but I can't place her. I'm also surprised to see that she's shorter than I am, not something I see very often. She has bright green eyes and light brown hair in twin tails. She looks younger than a high school student but she’s wearing a Yamaku athletic outfit, so I know she is one.

I also quickly notice that she has some kind of prosthetic on both her legs. But they don't look like legs like most of the ones I've seen on other students. They are curved and very thin.

She crosses her arms, “Normally this bathroom is deserted in the late afternoon. It's not very nice to hide in there when a girl is trying to have some privacy.”

“I-I'm sorry. I wasn't sure if I should come out or leave you alone.”

She sighs and turns off the faucet and air dryer, “It’s fine.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I'll be fine. Got in a fight with my boyfriend and…going to have to dump him. Kind of sucks.”

“O-oh…do you…want to talk about it?”

To my surprise, she snaps at me, "Talking won't solve anything. It isn’t something you can fix.”

Then she smiles broadly like it never happened. With exuberance she says, “I'll be just fine. I always am.”

Now that she's smiling, I know who she is.

“U-um…okay. Congratulations, by the way.”

She makes such a confused face I can almost see floating question marks around her.

“For…dumping my boyfriend?”

I laugh, “No. Your track records.”

“Ohhh. Uh, thanks. Do I…know you?”

I shake my head, “I just recognized you from the newspaper.”

“Oh, right. Hmmm…” She looks closely at me, “I've been thinking you look familiar this whole conversation. What's your name?”

“Nagisa. You're Ibarazaki, right?”

She nods, “Just Emi is good. So we've never met? Even though you look familiar?”

“Nope.” I pause for a moment, “Oh!” I reach into my bag and pull out a flier, “You might have seen this somewhere. My clubmates and I are putting them up today.”

She snaps her fingers and then takes the flier from me, “That's it.” She studies the flier, “You're a ghost and I met you in the bathroom.” She giggles, “I'll have to tell Rin I met a very different Hanako, today.”

“Huh?”

She waves her hand, “Nothing, just a stupid joke with a friend. Okay well…maybe I'll try to come to this.” She sloppily folds up the flier and bounds towards the door. I now see the prosthetics she’s wearing are very springy.

“Nice meeting you!”

You'd hardly know she was so upset a minute ago.

I'm in Akane's room. We're about to walk to class like we do every morning. She's putting on her shoes.

“Can I go to lunch with you today?”

Akane’s eyebrows shoot up, “Of course. Why, though? Feeling nostalgic? Or…did stuff with Daiki get awkward after all?”

I shake my head, “Things are good with him. I just wanted to invite your friends to the play in person. A-and it's been awhile since I’ve seen them.”

She nods as she stands up from putting her shoes on, “I was probably projecting a minute ago. Because stuff with my friends right now is awkward.”

“I-it is? Because of…unrequited love?”

She laughs, “Maybe that's a little bit of it. But…the main thing right now is…Lilly and Shizune got into a huge fight the other day.”

“Oh. About student council?”

Akane grins, “You only ate with us for like a week and a half and picked up on that little conflict, huh?”

I nod.

She sighs, “I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s been an ongoing thing with them. They've always bent without breaking in the past, though. Said sorry to each other and moved on. But now…Lilly quit the council. I don't know the details, but they are both very stubborn people. One of them finally pushed the other too far – probably Shizune, if I had to guess.” She shakes her head, “Anyway, Misha is trying to repair things and Shizune is mad that she’s trying to do that. She thinks they should just focus on the festival and forget about Lilly.”

“Wow. That’s…so sad. Shizune and Lilly are family. They should make up.”

We leave Akane’s room and start heading towards class, “I agree. And maybe they will? But I wouldn’t count on it any time soon.”

…

Akane warned me about this, but nothing could have prepared me for it. Things in the cafeteria are very different than they were at the start of the trimester.

First, there's Misha's new hairstyle. She has bubblegum pink hair that is styled into spirals that hang over her shoulders. I had seen a pink-haired girl on campus from a distance but I had no idea it was her.

But even more surprising than that is how quiet everything is. Shizune and Misha greeted me when I got here and we exchanged basic pleasantries. But since then no one has tried to say anything to anyone. In sign language or otherwise. We're all just sitting quietly and eating. There is one less girl here, but Lilly was hardly the source of most of the noise.

Every now and then Shizune looks up at Misha, but as soon as Misha tries to return her gaze, Shizune looks away.

Just as I'm thinking this might be a bad time to invite them to the play, Akane pokes me in the side and gestures toward them.

I guess she still thinks I should do it. And she knows them better than I do.

I get out two fliers from my bag and say, “U-um…I wanted to invite you both to the drama club's play.”

I slide the fliers over to them, and Shizune looks up while Misha signs to her. They both pick up their flier and Misha immediately grins. She puts it down and signs while she loudly says, “You're even on the flier. You're gonna be famous! Wahaha~!”

I laugh, “I don't know about that.”

Akane pats me on the back and then signs to Shizune when she says, “Yamaku famous, at least!”

Shizune signs something and Misha says, “Shicchan is glad you found a club and are participating in Yamaku school life so much. She was worried about you at the beginning of the trimester. Aw, you were Shicchan? I guess I missed her first few days.”

I nod, “I was having a hard time back then. But I have really enjoyed drama club and Yamaku too. I…don't think I would have gotten off to such a good start without you two. Thank you so much.”

Shizune smiles and starts signing and Akane laughs and rolls her eyes while Misha relays the message, “Shicchan says she was right about you. Your hard work in drama club proves you would have been a good addition to the student council. Your talents would have been very welcome.” Shizune's hands stop for a moment and then she resumes, “But she's very happy to see that you're doing so well. Adjusting can be hard.”

“Th-thank you, Shizune.”

She nods and smiles before signing again, “Shicchan says she wouldn't be a good student council president if she didn't go to the play. So we’ll be there.”

“I-I'm very happy to hear that.” I frown when I realize something, “Will it be…hard to follow?”

Shizune gives me a small nod and starts signing, while Misha says, “Shicchan says that me and Akane will keep her in the loop, but acting is about a lot more than words, isn't it?”

“I-it is. You're right. But…if I could get you the script, that would probably help, wouldn't it?”

Shizune nods and then Akane claps me on the shoulder, “Hey, that's a really good idea!” Then she signs to Shizune, “We’ll make sure there are scripts for all the hearing impaired students.”

I nod, and Shizune gives Akane and me a thankful nod.

The bell rings and we start to gather up our things. Akane gets close and whispers, “That was the least awkward lunch in a week. Thank you.”

I laugh, “You're welcome. Should I ask Misha about Lilly?”

Akane nods, “She is the only one who knows where she’s having lunch.”

I turn around and see that Shizune has left but Misha is still packing up her things. That's good, because I didn't want to upset Shizune by talking about this.

I approach her and say, “Misha, can I ask you something?”

She smiles ear to ear but I also see a little concern in her eyes, “Sure!”

“Do you know where Lilly eats now? I wanted to invite her too.”

Misha frowns and then sighs, “She's been eating in an empty classroom on the second floor. By the library. If you go tomorrow you'll find her there.”

“Okay, thanks, Misha. I'm sorry things are tough right now for the council. Hopefully you can get them to make up.”

She frowns, “Hopefully! They are both soooooo stubborn, though. I don't like my chances."

I'm standing outside what I think is the room where Lilly has been eating her lunch. There's only one way to find out though.

As I slide the door open I hear Lilly say, “Hanako?”

Didn't I hear that name somewhere else recently?

“U-um…no, Lilly. It's Nagisa.”

Now that I'm in the room I see that she is sitting at a table with her back to me. She has a tea set in front of her. The room has a window with a nice view of the woods outside campus.

“Ah, my apologies. I had invited someone to meet me here. Unfortunately, I don't think she’s coming.”

“Oh. Do you want me to see if I can find her? Maybe she's trying to find the room?”

“That's quite alright. There was only a low chance she would come, I think. Come in and have a seat. Would you like some tea?”

I take a seat in front of her and say, “Um…sure.”

She starts delicately moving her hands until she locates the tea set in front of her.

“I…can do it, if that helps.”

“Nonsense. You’re my guest, and I’m quite capable, I assure you.”

She locates a cup and loops her fingers around the handle before moving it to the side. Then she picks up the tea pot and pours the tea into it. Somehow, she stops when it's just the right amount of full.

She picks up the cup and places it down in front of me with a smile, “There is milk and sugar. Help yourself.”

“Thank you.”

I notice the tea smells quite different from the Japanese teas I am used to. Then I remember Lilly’s western heritage.

I’m not sure I’ll like this.

I put as much milk into the tea as I can without overflowing the cup and take a drink. Even with all that milk, it has an earthier, more bitter taste than I am used to. I am probably making a face, but I am glad Lilly can't see it. However, she’ll notice if my cup is still full when I leave, so I just have to drink it.

“It has been some time hasn't it?”

I put my tea cup down, “Y-yes. It has.”

She smiles as she sips some tea, “I suppose you have a reason to seek me out here.” Her voice sharpens ever so slightly, “Did Misha decide to send someone else to try to get me to come back?”

“N-no. I’m not here for that.”

Lilly sighs in relief, “Thank goodness.”

“I wanted to thank you for being so welcoming when I got here. During my first few days, you and…the other girls really helped me adjust.”

She smiles, “You’re very welcome.”

“I also wanted to personally invite you to the drama club’s play.”

I hold out the flier. She searches for it with her hand and she takes it with a bemused grin.

“I…just realized that the flier isn't very useful for you. Sorry.”

We should probably make some Braille ones.

Lilly laughs softly, “Yes. It feels like a very nice piece of paper, though.” She puts it down and then folds her hands and says, “Why don't you tell me what's on the flier?”

“U-um…well, it's me in my costume for the play - a purple monpe made from kimono scraps. But I'm a little transparent. My character is a ghost.”

“Interesting. So it's a ghost story?”

“Um…sort of. But it isn't the scary kind.”

“What's the play called?”

“It's called Living With Mother…based on a play by Hisashi Inoue called Living With Father. It's about a young woman who survived Hiroshima, but her family didn't. The play mostly focuses on this woman falling in love, and trying to sort out her feelings by talking to the ghost of her mother.”

Lilly nods thoughtfully, “It certainly sounds compelling. Who else is in the cast?”

“Chiyo Asashi is playing the young woman, and Ken Oribe is the man she's in love with.”

“Sounds like a good cast. I know Ken a little. Which also means I know Chiyo, of course.” She laughs softly, “It doesn't sound as if their roles will be particularly challenging for them, though.”

Does everyone at this school know they are in love? I guess it's pretty obvious. Even when you can't see.

I laugh, “You…might be right.”

“When is it?”

“It's at 5 on the day of the festival. In the auditorium.”

“Okay. I will be there. Thank you for the personal invitation.” She smiles warmly, “I'm very glad you got to do a play like you wanted.”

I can't help but smile back, “Me too. Um…will watching a play be hard for you?”

“It's true I can't watch it the same way most can. I suppose it's more like listening to a radio drama for someone with sight. But I actually quite like plays, especially the classical English ones. And this one sounds very interesting.”

She looks like she's weighing something for a moment and then she says, “This may sound a bit strange…but we’re friends and I think it will help me during the play. Would you let me feel your face? It's…really the only way I can experience what you look like. And I will be able to better perceive your facial expressions while you're acting.”

I feel a little taken aback by her request at first, but then feel a little flattered that she thinks of me as a friend.

“Oh. U-um…of course.” I get up and sit in the chair next to Lilly. She turns towards me and gently outstretches her hands. They end up on top of my head, and I laugh. So does she.

With a smile she says, “You're…quite small, aren't you?”

“Y-yes. I am. Especially compared to you.”

“Why don't you guide my hands to your face, so we can avoid any further mishaps.”

I take her hands and slowly guide her fingers to my cheeks.

Smiling all the while, she slowly moves out from them, sometimes pausing for a moment as her hands pass over different parts of my face. This goes on for a minute or two and then she takes her hands back and nods.

It's hard to even imagine how she perceives the world. I wouldn't have thought touching someone's face would be that useful to her, but I guess it's the best way for her to get this information.

“You are quite pretty, aren't you?”

I didn't expect her to say that, so I feel flustered, “U-um…I don't…think so.”

She smiles, “Well, I think you are. You have very nice skin and delicate facial features.”

“Th-thank you. Um…you’re very pretty too. I thought so the moment I met you.”

Lilly’s cheeks flush ever so slightly, “Thank you, Nagisa.”

I look around the lonely room where Lilly is eating and it makes me a little sad. She's so friendly and outgoing but eating here all on her own now.

“I-if…you want to, I think you'd be welcome to eat lunch with the drama club. Especially if you already know Ken and Chiyo too.”

Lilly smiles, “I'll think about it. I'm actually trying to make a new friend that I hope will eat me with here. I chose this place with her in mind.”

I nod, “I understand. Well, the invitation is always open.”

I've managed to personally invite everyone I wanted to to our play, with one exception. So, right now I'm on the way to the library. When I walk through the door I'm very happy to see the girl with long, beautiful dark hair sitting on a bean bag.

I slowly approach her, before standing in front of her and saying, “H-hi there.”

Like last time, she holds her book in front of her face like a shield. Only this time, she's already shaking a little. I must have scared her. I tried to move slowly so I wouldn't startle her. But maybe she was engrossed in her book.

“Sorry. I'm…that girl from a while back. The one you told about Living with Father.”

Her body seems to relax a little. But the book stays in place.

She whispers, “D-did you…like it?”

“I did. I'm in drama club, and we're going to do it on stage at the festival. I…wanted to thank you for suggestion. And invite you to come.”

I hold out the flier. But then realize she can't see me. I slowly slide it in front of her book. She doesn't object, and the book moves slightly as she holds the flier with one hand.

Then, to my surprise, she closes the book and puts it in her lap. I think I catch a glimpse of violet eyes before the flier takes the book’s place.

She whispers, “L-living with…Mother?”

“Yes. We had to change it a little because we had two girls and one boy.”

“Y-you're…the mother?”

“That's right.”

She lowers the flier so that I can see her dark fringes and the top parts of her right eye. Now I know they are definitely violet. I think she’s examining me.

She quietly says, “I…like your c-costume.”

“Thank you. One of the other drama club members made it.”

She pulls the flier back up and whispers, “I…I want to come see it b-b-but…I…” She takes a sharp breath. I know enough about crying to know she’s close to tears and doing everything she can to hold them in.

This would be really hard for her. There will be lots of people. She has a hard time even looking at me. I’m so stupid.

“I-it's okay. I understand. I just wanted you to know you inspired the drama club.”

Just as I’m about to give up and leave her alone so she can relax, an idea comes to me.

“I-if you wanted to, you could come to our last dress rehearsal. The night before at 6. It will pretty much be the same as the day of the play. It will just be the three of us on stage, our director, and maybe our adviser.”

The girl whispers, “U-um…U-um….I’ll…think about it. Th-thank you.”

She looks down, folds up the flier, puts it in her bag, and then quickly puts her hand over the right side of her face, before looking down and opening her book again and holding it in front of her face. I guess the conversation is over.

“You’re welcome. I-it…was nice talking to you.”

I start to walk away and hear a faint whisper. I was too far away to know for sure, but I think she said, “N-nice talking to you, too.”

Chapter Text

There's one week until the festival.

My drama clubmates and I are standing together in the aisle of the auditorium, looking up at the stage.

We just finished putting our set together. It only took a few hours. Daiki is much stronger than I realized, because he was able to carry the wooden walls with only a little help from the rest of us. It worried me a lot, because he wasn't using his cane. But at this point I know I can trust him to know his limits.

He and Ken rigged the walls so they would stay in place. Just like he wanted, there are two walls on either side of the stage, and one about four meters back, with a window.

Chiyo and I put down some tatami all along the floor of the little house. We also put in a futon, a chabudai, and a counter space near a prop oven for her kitchen.

It really does look like a cozy little home for a single woman in the post-war era. It makes me miss my family home a little too, since we sleep in futons and use tatami.

I guess we’re a little old-fashioned. I'm glad I get to see my parents in a week.

Daiki says, “Well…now that we have the set how we want it, we need to think about how it’ll change in between scenes. Luckily, we don’t have that much to move.”

Ken nods, “Yeah, can we nail that down tonight? I know we’re all tired but…I’m a little anxious about that.”

Daiki nods, “Sure. I think we’ll probably leave the kitchen area and chabudai alone, but we should move the futon around some to show that time is passing. We could even hang it out the window to air out and stuff.”

I nod, “That’s a good idea!”

Daiki laughs, “I’m glad you like it, because it will be your responsibility to move it, since Chiyo is in every scene and never leaves the stage. We’ll find a couple spots where you come in with the lights down and you’ll have time to move it.”

I nod, “I-I can do that.”

Chiyo nods, “Great! We'll practice that a bunch so we can do it seamlessly.”

After that, we practice how we'll enter and exit each scene several times. And when and how to move the futon. This is most important for Ken, who has to get used to the dimensions of the set and where the furniture is located.

Akane and I are in my room quietly doing some homework. Well, I am. She already finished hers while I was at drama club. So she's on the bed with my dango plush and standing by in case I need help.

Before long, Chiyo drops by. This has been how most evenings go since she and Akane make up. After she and Ken part ways for the day, she comes here and does homework with us and we chat about our days.

Today, though, she doesn't have any homework with her. And she has a look on her face that I would describe as desperate.

Before I can say something, Akane sits up in the bed and says, “Everything okay?”

“I need…to talk about Ken.”

Akane nods and starts to get up to leave, but Chiyo waves her hand at her, “You can stay.”

Akane smiles, “Really?”

“Yeah, yeah, I trust you again. And could probably use multiple perspectives. Don't let it go to your already very large head.”

Akane's smile gets wider in spite of the insult, “O-okay.”

I ask, “D-did…something happen?”

Chiyo sits down on the bed and sighs, “Not really. That's the problem. But it's getting to the point where I can't stand touching him or being alone with him without k-kissing him and stuff. Normally I'm just happy to be with him. But right now it's driving me crazy.”

“Well…you’re going to tell him soon, aren't you? After the play?”

“I…don't know.”

Akane raises her eyebrows, “Being around him makes you want him, but you don't want to tell him and then…actually have him?”

Akane clasps her hands together and shakes her head. She is uncharacteristically quiet when she says, “I…I’m just so scared.”

Akane scoots closer to her, “I get…being scared to tell him. But he’s crazy about you too. I can see it. He’s always walking arm and arm with you for a reason.”

Chiyo scoffs, “Yeah, because he needs help.”

Akane shakes her head, “You might be as dense as he is.”

Chiyo glares at her, “We only very recently became friends again. I don't know if I'm in a place where I want to be teased by you.”

Akane sighs and says, “Nagisa, take over.” Then she pretends to zip her lips shut.

“Um…what she means is…he might be asking you for help for reasons other than needing help. After all, he never asks anyone else to help him. I've never seen him walk like that with anyone else. He uses his cane when you aren't around.”

She smiles, “Ohhh. You're right.” She turns to Akane, "Why couldn't you just say it like that?”

Akane sighs in response.

Chiyo laughs and looks back at me, “So…you're saying…he wants to touch me?”

Akane says, “Bingo.”

Chiyo scoffs, “That zipper didn't last long.”

“Well, I won't say anything else insulting. Promise. Especially now that you finally got there.”

Chiyo laughs, “Way to immediately contradict yourself. But whatever.”

Akane points at Chiyo’s chest, “Look, all we're saying is that he's walking arm in arm with you as often as possible to touch your boobs.”

“Akane! Th-that's not-”

Chiyo interrupts me with a flushed face, “Th-that a move you use, Akane?”

Akane blushes a little, “I…have, yeah. Works nicely on busty girls.”

Chiyo cracks up laughing and so does Akane. I can't help but join in, even if I don't agree that Ken's doing it to touch her chest. At least, that's not the only reason. He just likes to be close to her.

After she stops laughing, Chiyo says, “I get it. There's a good chance he likes me. And I'm glad he wants to touch me. Nagisa has helped me feel more confident about all that too. But…that's not what scares me. Not the main thing, anyway.”

Akane looks dumbfounded, “Huh? Are you a commitment phobe or something?”

I haven't filled Akane in on this part of Chiyo’s relationship concerns. I assumed it was something Chiyo would tell her when she's ready.

Though I am a little surprised she didn't figure it out, given their big falling out.

An exasperated Chiyo locks eyes with Akane, “You know why. Think about it. Remember why we had our fight?”

Akane's face slowly morphs from confusion, to realization, to sadness.

“You're right. I do. I’M the dense one now.”

Chiyo nods, “Agreed.” Then she frowns and puts a hand on her lower abdomen and starts to get choked up, “Even i-if he likes me…he likes a Chiyo that he thinks can have children one day. B-but that…that's not me.” She starts to tear up a little, and Akane hugs her before I can. Chiyo hugs her back.

I say, “I-I know that's hard. And neither of us can ever understand how hard. But…I think Ken will understand.”

While still hugging Akane, Chiyo tearfully says, “B-but…what if that's important to him? What if he always imagined having a pregnant wife?”

Akane says, “He’ll adjust his imagination. He loves you, Chiyo. Deeply. And truly.”

Chiyo breaks the hug and looks Akane in the eyes, “How can you be so sure?”

“I’ve seen you two together enough to know. Even when we weren't talking and I saw you two, I could tell he loved you.”

Chiyo flashes a mischievous grin, “That can't be everything, though. Maybe you know a little something about friends falling in love? That's why you can spot the signs?”

Akane gets flustered and is speechless for a second before she says, “I…I do know something about that. I fell in love…with Misha, you know?” She smiles, “That's the busty girl who I walked arm in arm with after all.”

With a twinkle in her eyes, Chiyo replies, “You seem like too much of an expert. Is that the only time you fell in love with a friend?”

Akane’s face turns red and she looks away from Chiyo. I don't understand why.

Maybe she is having feelings for Misha again? That would make this hard to talk about.

Chiyo puts her hand on Akane’s shoulder and smiles, “Sorry…I shouldn’t have brought that up. Now I’m the one who was teasing but went too far.”

Akane smiles back and looks a little less embarrassed now.

Chiyo continues, “But anyway…maybe you’re right he’d accept it. Because of love.” She looks at me and then back at Akane, “But…how should I even approach it? How do I tell him?”

I reply, “I think…just confess first.”

Akane nods, “Talking about the future will start pretty quickly, with graduation coming. Tell him about your health then.”

Chiyo nods and purses her lips thoughtfully, “It won’t be…misleading not to tell him right away? It'd be like…selling him damaged goods.”

“D-don't say that!”

Akane shrugs, “I dunno, Nagisa. She's kind of right.”

Chiyo says, “I…am?”

I feel a rare emotion bubbling inside of me - anger. I jump to my feet and raise my voice, “Sh-she's not damaged!”

Akane assertively says, “I think she is. But so are you. And so am I. So is everyone. No one tells their partner everything in the early days of a relationship. And no one's perfect.” She turns to Akane, “There's probably something about Ken that will surprise you down the road.”

My anger fades away and now I feel a little embarrassed about my reaction. Akane laughs, “I might have to make you angry more often. It was pretty cute.”

I need to take a class on how to be angry and intimidating. Daiki basically said the same thing. Hopefully I'm more convincing on stage.

I sigh and disregard her comment. Then I turn to Chiyo, “She's right…and because you and Ken love each other…you'll understand and accept his…damage, i-if you have to call it that. He will accept yours too. I know he will.”

Chiyo sighs, “Damn. You two are both that sure about this?”

Akane and I exchange a look and then I turn to her and nod and I say, “Do you think we're wrong?”

Chiyo shakes her head and then looks down and grips the hem of her skirt so tightly her knuckles turn white. She’s quiet for a while, then she looks up at each of us, “Okay.” She takes a deep breath. “Okay. I'm going to tell him. At the festival. After the play. You're both right…I…I have to do it. I won't back out this time.”

I smile at Akane, who smiles back at me.

I couldn't convince her to go for it on my own. I'm happy that we convinced her together. Especially because I think it means Akane and Chiyo are truly friends again.

Three days until the festival.

We are doing our first dress rehearsal. And the first few scenes have gone really well.

As I’m walking off the stage with the lights down after one of my scenes and feeling very good about things, I suddenly remember I was supposed to move the futon. I whirl around and open my mouth to say something, but it's already too late.

Ken trips on the futon and lands on it. Luckily it gave him a soft landing and he looks unhurt. I'm very relieved. I messed up, but I won't make that mistake again.

Because he looks okay, I'm very surprised when he slams his fist on the ground and angrily bellows, “DAMMIT! WHY THE FUCK WAS THAT FUTON THERE!?”

I flinch at his outburst and find myself at a loss for words, with my mouth helplessly opening and closing like a fish gasping for air. I end up clenching my eyes shut.

I've never seen him get even slightly upset before. He's normally so reserved and calm.

My mistake must be much worse than I realize if it made him react that way. He’s yelling and cursing at ME. And I deserve it.

I hear Chiyo walk over and say, “Are you okay, Ken?”

He curtly responds, “Yeah. Fine.”

He still sounds so mad. I can't open my eyes and see that.

Then I hear Daiki, Ken, and Chiyo talking quietly together at the front of the stage.

They're talking about how I messed up. I know they are. Ken probably wants to kick me out of the play. He could have gotten hurt. It's my fault

Now I hear Chiyo and Ken coming towards me. I brace myself, anticipating the worst.

Now they are right in front of me. Chiyo says, “Something you want to say, Ken?”

“Um…yeah. Sorry, Nagisa. That was…uncalled for.”

I shake my head, with my eyes still sealed shut, “No! I-it wasn't! I messed up. I-I'm…I'm so sorry.”

He says, “Mistakes happen. It's okay.”

I open my eyes, and he still looks annoyed. But not angry.

“Just…make sure it doesn't happen when we have an audience, okay?”

My heart starts beating very fast.

What if I DO mess it up again?

Chiyo says, “Ken!” and slaps his arm. And they have a conversation, and I think they both said something to me. And I nodded. But it's all a blur. All I can think about is what will happen if I make the same mistake.

I can't do this.

The rest of rehearsal after that is a disaster. I regularly forget my lines, where I am supposed to be on stage, and when I'm supposed to be on stage. Each time I make a mistake, the doubts in my head get louder.

I can't do this. I CAN'T DO THIS. I CAN'T DO THIS!

After the rehearsal I intentionally take my time changing out of my costume. Chiyo and Ken leave when I tell them to go on ahead, and when I get out of the dressing room I don't see Daiki either.

That's a relief, because I've been on the verge of tears since my first mistake and now that I'm alone, I can finally let them go.

I head to the club room and I sit down at the table where we eat our lunch and I lay my head on my arms and I cry.

Why did I EVER think I could do this? Ken and Chiyo are so good and I'm ruining everything. Why do they even put up with me? Why did they let me join drama club? Why did they let me on the stage?

Why did I EVER think I could do this? I have no experience. I have no idea how to be a good actress. I'm ruining this play that Ken, Akane, and Daiki have worked so hard on. I'm going to make a fool of myself in front of everyone and it's going to make them all look bad.

Why did I EVER think I could do this? Why did I invite so many people? My parents are coming! What if I make a mistake with them watching? My dad was such a good actor and I'm TERRIBLE.

I don't know what to do. I-

Suddenly, the club room door opens and the light comes on.

I sit up and hastily wipe my tears away on my sleeve. I hear Daiki’s deep voice, “Someone in here?”

“U-um…yes.”

“Nagisa? Why were the lights-”

Once he’s close enough to see me, he stops talking and walking and I can see on his face that he’s very worried about me. I guess I didn't do a good job hiding that I was crying.

“Is everything okay?”

“Y-yeah.”

I must not have been convincing. He frowns and takes a seat in his throne chair next to me, “Anything I can do to help?”

I shake my head.

He gently puts his hand on my back, “Okay. You let me know if there is. I can also leave you alone if that's what you want.”

He's so sweet. And so good at comforting me. And that's what I need right now. That's what my instincts are telling me.

“Th-that's not what I want. Stay. Please.”

“Okay, I'll-”

While he’s still mid-sentence, I bury my face in his chest and I start to sob again. He puts his arms around me, and it makes me feel very safe. And it keeps my thoughts from getting quite as negative as they did when I was alone.

This goes on for a few minutes until I feel hollow from crying so much.

Once I do, I feel a lot better. I'm still anxious and scared, but it's more manageable now.

I sit up and see that Daiki has a few tears on his face.

“A-are you okay?”

He laughs and wipes his tears, “Says the girl who just sobbed for several minutes. I’m fine. You already know I’m a bit of a crier, don't you?”

I nod, “But…that was for Tortie.”

He shrugs, “And this was for you. I'm only crying because you are. And I can see you’re having a really hard time.”

I nod, “I…am.”

“Is it…what happened tonight with Ken?”

I nod, “Y-yeah. I just…don't want to mess things up for Chiyo and Ken. I don't even know what I'm doing out there. Especially after tonight. What if I make those mistakes at the festival?”

Daiki says, “I know Ken got upset. But it wasn’t with you. Mostly, at least.”

“H-he should be upset with me! I'm the one who was supposed to move the futon when the lights went down and I messed it up!”

“You're right. You did. But mistakes happen. And yours was a small one for most actors, who would just walk around the futon. That's what frustrated Ken the most. His own limitations.”

I sigh, “I should be even more careful because Ken can’t see.”

“Nagisa…you’ve done it right in every other rehearsal. And I bet you’ll do it right every other time from now on, too.”

I shake my head, “It isn't even just the futon. I feel like…I just weigh them down on stage. I don't belong up there with them.”

“That's not true. You’re great. You have the hardest role in this play and you’ve been amazing.”

“I was horrible tonight. D-don’t lie to me.”

“Okay. I won't. You were bad tonight.”

I clench my eyes shut and bow my head.

Even though I told him to be honest, it's hard to hear him say that.

“But you've been doing great on the whole, Nagisa. Really. You only had a bad night because of what happened with Ken. You're doing a great job overall, okay?”

I open my eyes and look up at him, “Thank you but…is that what they think?”

Daiki looks confused, “They…both told you that tonight after Ken apologized.”

“R-really? I didn't really hear them…b-because I was so upset with myself.”

“Really. I’ll make sure they tell you again tomorrow.”

“Y-you don't have to…”

“As director, it's my job to make sure you are feeling as good as you can about things. So, that's what I’m gonna do. If they knew you were feeling this way, they would want to tell you, anyway.”

“Wh-what if…I have a bad night…the night of the performance?”

“You won't.”

“Y-you can't know that!”

He sighs, “I can't know for sure. But I'm very confident you won't. I've seen you nail it too many times. You're great in this role. Today was an aberration.”

“Aberr…ation?”

He laughs, “One-time thing. We'll do everything we can to make sure you feel good about stuff. As much practice as it takes for you to feel confident again. We can start right now if you want to.”

“What about Chiyo and Ken?”

He grins, “I'll play both of their roles, of course. I'm actually the best actor in the club, just didn't want to intimidate all of you. I could even do all three roles.” He looks off thoughtfully, “Maybe a one-man version of this play would work. Hmmm…yes. I would look good in monpe.”

I don't know if it's because I’m so tired from everything or the deadpan way he said it, but I crack up laughing. I laugh so hard it's a little hard to breathe. Apparently it's contagious, because Daiki starts laughing too.

Once we come down from our laughing fit, I put my hand on his arm, “Th-thank you, Daiki. I feel much better thanks to you. But um…I’m…sorry I…tackled you and cried like that.”

He gives me a big smile, “I’m not. Helping you is important to me. And not just because I’m the director. I’m your friend. Helping you feel even a little bit better means a lot to me. Whether it's holding you when you cry or just…helping you see how great you are. I’ll always be happy to do it.”

I smile at him, “Th-thank you, Daiki. I hope you know I would do the same for you. B-but…you don’t fall to pieces all the time like me.” I giggle, “And…I probably can't quite hold you, anyway.”

He laughs with me, “No, I don't think that would end well. But…I do know that you would do anything for me or your other friends. That's part of why I l-...Why I'm happy we're friends.”

I feel a small pain in my chest.

I'm almost certain that he almost just said he loves me.

It hurts to know he still feels that way. Especially because I just relied on him so much. I shouldn’t have gotten so physical. It probably hurts him.

I was hoping he would move on since I can't be with him. I don't want him to hurt.

But…it also feels good to know he feels that way too. He's such a great person. And he loves me. It makes me feel happy and warm in my chest.

There’s just also pain.

And the warm feeling makes me think of Tomoya too. Who I know I'm still in love with.

My feelings are so jumbled.

I smile at him and say, “I'm happy we're friends too. Thank you for helping me.”

After that, we walk back to the dorms together, with me feeling much more confident about everything. I still have some anxiety, and it’s going to be hard. But Daiki gave me the push I needed to see that I can do this. I'll do my very best.

We’re about to start the last dress rehearsal. Last night's went off without any problems and I feel much better. I’m still a little worried, but I have something else to distract me from it.

I’m standing on the stage looking towards the door.

I hope she comes.

Daiki says, “Nagisa, we should probably get started. I know you wanted her to come, and we gave her some time, but we need to start or we’ll be here really late.”

I sigh, “Yeah. I know. I wasn't sure she would come anyway. Let's get started.”

…

Tonight's rehearsal went really well too.

Just as the house lights are coming back on, I look to see if anyone is in the auditorium. I smile when I spot a flash of dark hair going through the door.

I hope she liked it. She stayed the whole time, that's a good sign.

…

After I get in my pajamas and I'm about to get in bed, there's a knock on my door. It's probably Akane, wanting to know how rehearsal went.

I'm shocked when I open the door and see the dark-haired girl from the library. Now that she's standing, I see that she is much taller than I am. I have to look up at her.

Without any greeting, she quietly says, “I-it was…good.”

She doesn't have a book in front of her face this time, but the lighting in the hallway isn't very good. So I still can’t see much of her face.

Like I thought I had glimpsed before, she has purple eyes. She also has lop-sided bangs that hang over the left side of her face. She puts her hand up over that side of her face and looks away from me when my eyes linger.

“Th-thank you. I'm glad you made it.”

She nods with her hand still covering half her face, “...th-th-thank you for letting me come.”

“You deserved a special screening. Since you gave us the idea.”

She smiles softly and her voice get a little louder when she says, “I-it's…a very special story to me.” I think I see a few tears make it down her cheeks and then she barely audibly says, “I-I…think I like it even better…with a mother.”

She says the words so quietly it takes me a moment to understand them.

She seems upset. But also happy. This play really IS special to her. Personal even. If that's true, her life must have been very hard.

“Thank you.” I take a small step towards her, “Would it be okay if I hugged you?”

She shakes her head violently, and a look of panic creeps across her face. She takes a large step backward and looks down the hall.

I should have known better than to ask that. I just want to comfort her somehow. But I know I can't.

Feeling she might run away, I quickly say, “Okay. I won't. I promise.”

She relaxes some, but doesn't come any closer to the door.

I smile at her, “Thank you so much for telling me you enjoyed it. I've been a little anxious about tomorrow. A-and hearing that someone who knows the play so well enjoyed my performance…i-it makes me feel so much better. I will sleep well tonight, thanks to you.”

Her eyes get wide, “Y-you…get…anxious?”

I nod, “This is my first play. And I…made some mistakes in rehearsal recently and it has made me worry. But…you saw it tonight and liked it. So I feel much better.”

I think I see a soft smile on her face, “I-I'm g-glad I could help. Y-you were really really g-good.” She pauses for a minute and continues, “I…cried specifically because y-you were so good as the mother. I…I know everyone else will like it t-tomorrow. I w-would watch it again i-if I could.”

That's by far the most she's ever said to me at once. I know it wasn't easy for her. And she did it because she's trying to comfort me. She's such a sweet girl.

Just as I start to get choked up by her praise, she abruptly and quietly says, “I…have to go,” before turning and heading down the hall.

I call out, “M-my name's Nagisa.”

She stops for a moment, and without turning says, “H-Hanako,” before continuing on her way down the hall.

I close my door and get in bed with a smile on my face.

Chapter Text

It's the day of the festival. And the day of my first performance in front of an audience.

I woke up with lots of butterflies in my stomach.

Some of them are excitement butterflies. I'm very excited to see my parents. They’re going to come to the play and afterwards we’re going to enjoy the festival together. I miss them so much.

Some of them are nervous butterflies. I’m very nervous about the play.

I'm feeling far more confident after the last two rehearsals and Hanako's praise last night, but even though I'm confident, I can't help but feel some anxiety. Chiyo told me she's nervous too, and that made me feel a little better.

Luckily, right now I have something to distract me from all those butterflies. Akane, Chiyo and I are going to the band’s festival concert.

Chiyo and I are walking out on the quad and it’s amazing seeing it transformed. There are dozens of food and game booths, since every class and club has to do something for the festival. And there are many more people on campus than usual, including student family members and people who live in the town at the bottom of the hill.

“D-do you think all these people will be at the play?”

Chiyo laughs, “Doubt it. Not everyone wants to go to a play, you know?”

I nod.

“But I think we'll have a really good audience. We were better at advertising this year than last year, and they will announce the play over the loudspeaker later too, which will probably get a few people to come.”

“Th-that's good.”

“Are you nervous there will be too many people?”

I shake my head, “I'll be nervous no matter how small the audience is. I don't think it's worse if there are more.”

Chiyo and I are on the way to my class’s booth to pick up Akane. As class rep, she is in charge of our booth. She’s already been working for a couple of hours, but she’s taking a break for the concert. And another one later for the play.

When we get to the booth, we see that there are a few people in line. Akane is working the cash register and Madoka and another of my classmates, a boy named Aoi, are grilling yakitori.

Akane sees us and smiles and waves. We wave back. After about 10 minutes, the line is gone, so Chiyo and I approach the booth.

A tired Akane sighs and takes off her apron, “I'm glad that rush is over. I was worried I wouldn't make it to the concert.” She looks at Madoka, “Is it still cool if I cut out for 30 minutes or so?”

Madoka walks up to Akane with a smile and a nod “We got a lot grilled that we can keep warm. So I can work the register if need be. And reinforcements are coming soon. So, take your time.”

Akane gives her a thankful nod, “Thanks.”

…

We were running a little bit late. So, when we got to the outdoor stage where the concert is, it was hard to find three seats together, but we found some just as the music teacher is announcing the program. We take a seat right when the music starts.

I don't know very much about music. But I like the sound of what they are playing. It sounds…peaceful and elegant, whatever it is.

I try and find Saki, but before I do, I see her friend Chisato. She's the only one playing piano, so it is easy to spot her. I hadn't realized she was in band too. She is playing with a confident smile on her face and seems to be enjoying herself.

I go back to looking through the band for Saki, and I find her sitting next to a couple of other violin players. As I'm watching her and enjoying the sound of the band's music, suddenly she is the only one playing.

She must be really good if she has a solo.

I recognize the music. It's what I heard her playing both other times I heard her play. I cross my fingers and watch her intently, remembering that those two performances didn't end the way she wanted them to.

While I don't know for sure what it's supposed to sound like, I think I know Saki well enough now that I'd be able to tell from her face if she made a mistake. She finishes her solo and the rest of the band joins her. I breathe a sigh of relief and once I relax I notice my entire body was tense.

Akane is looking at me with a raised eyebrow. She mouths the words, “Was it good?” And holds up a tentative thumbs up. I smile and return her thumbs up and she looks similarly relieved.

I hadn't thought about the fact that music without words is probably more difficult for her to enjoy. She told me one time that she can hear rhythm and words but not notes. With this performance, she only has a rhythm that she can hear. It's really sweet of her to come support Saki despite that.

When the concert finishes, Akane has to run off to her booth. Chiyo and I don’t have a ton of time ourselves before we have to report backstage, but we wait for the crowd to thin out and wave Saki down when she steps off the stage.

She smiles and comes up to us, “Hey you two! Thanks for coming.”

I nod, “O-of course. It was really good. Akane was here too, but she had to run back to her booth.”

Saki sighs, “Tell me about it. I'm about to go back to my booth, too. But it's kinda fun, we are doing the fishing game.” She smiles, “I'll be coming to the play later, though. Chisato is covering for me.”

Chiyo says, “Great! I hope we perform as well as you just did.”

Saki scoffs, “I'm sure you will. I'm still amazed by the little part I saw at our photoshoot!”

…

I just finished changing into my costume. I leave Chiyo behind in the changing room and when I step out I see Daiki leaning against the wall. He smiles when he sees me.

“How are you feeling?”

“N-nervous but…a normal amount I think.”
Daiki nods, “Yeah, I'm nervous too and all I do is flip some switches.”

I laugh and poke his arm, “That’s not all you do. You're the director. And you designed all the lights and sound. And you made almost the whole set!”

He smiles, “That's true. But that work is all done now. For this performance, I seriously just flip switches.”

“I…guess that's true. Some of it has to be timed just right though!”

He laughs, “I appreciate you trying to tell me I'm working just as hard you guys today, but it just isn’t true.”

Ken and Chiyo come out of their changing rooms at almost the same time and bump into each other, prompting an awkward laugh out of each of them. With flushed cheeks, Chiyo wraps her arm around his and they walk up to us.

Daiki checks his watch and says, “20 minutes until curtain.”

Chiyo and Ken nod confidently, but there is definitely some anxiety on their faces too.

Daiki smiles and says, “I was just telling Nagisa that all I have to do tonight is flip some switches. You three have the harder job tonight for sure.”

He smiles a little wider, “But I know we're all going to do great.”
…

So far, everything has gone really well. And from what I can tell we have a large audience. There has been laughter at the funny parts and silence and even a little sniffling during the sad parts.

The play is almost over. I'm standing just off stage watching the scene when Ken’s character confesses to Chiyo. But I’m only half-listening as I mentally prepare for my last scene.

It's kind of funny watching this when I know that Chiyo is planning to confess to Ken later.

I hear my cue. My final scene is next. It is also the most important for the entire play because it resolves everything. I take a deep breath as the lights go out and Ken walks off the stage.

I CAN do this.

Dorayaki.

The lights come back on just as Chiyo has gotten into her futon. I walk out of the shadows and kneel next to her. She has her back turned to me.

I playfully say, “So…I was right about the anpan after all, wasn't I? He confessed to ya today, didn't he?”

Chiyo sighs and rolls over in her futon to look at me with knitted eyebrows, “Ya come here outta the blue and go on and on and won’t shut up about a stupid anpan. How am I supposed to think straight?”

I click my tongue at her and say, “Ya can't think straight because ya fancy that fellow. It's love at first sight, for the both of ya, and it won't be long before ya won't have eyes for anybody else. Hard as a rock on the outside but drippin' with sweetness on the inside. Your heart is just one big anpan!”

Chiyo groans and covers her eyes, “Ugh! You watch me tomorrow, mother! Watch me tell Mr. Kinoshita in no uncertain terms never to speak to me again! Maybe then you'll leave me alone!”

I sigh dejectedly, “There's no harm in fancyin' the fellow, dear. You're keen on him an' he's keen on you. Get yerselves together an’ live happily ever after.”

She sits up and yells at me, startling me, “I can't ever be happy, so just stop talking, mother!”

I study her for a moment and then say, “Ya silly little thing. What do ya mean ya can't be happy?”

“You…know why, mother. You were there.”

The lights turn off for a moment. With them off, Chiyo gets out of the futon and I lay down on the tatami. She kneels next to me and holds my hand.

The lights comes back up, now with an orange tint to them. Daiki did something to make them flicker, too.

I say, “I saw it full on, two suns of blazing fire.”

Chiyo sniffles, “Mama…”

I continue, "It was…a great ball of fire, blindingly white at the center with a weird kinda yellow and red outline.” I look at Chiyo, “What happened then?”

She bows her head, “I was…shielded from the heat coming from the fireball by our stone lantern.”

I laugh softly, “Oh, that big stone lantern! It cost us an arm and a leg, but it was sure worth every penny.”

I look at Chiyo again and give her a soft smile, “Then, ya came to me and ya tried to cover me by layin’ on top of me. An’ over and over again you put out the flames that came off me. I was grateful, but I knew that we'd both die if ya just kept on doin’ that, so I said to you, ‘Get outta here, Mitsue!’ You said, ‘No, I won't!’ and stayed, and we just repeated that over and over again, ‘Get out!’ ‘No, I won't!’

Chiyo shakes her head with a grim smile, “Then you said, ‘Okay, let's play rock paper scissors. I'm gonna put out rock, so you don't have a prayer of winnin'.’

I nod and say, "Ready or not, here I go!"

We both hold out a fist.

“I see through you, mother.”

I shout, "Here I go!"

We both hold out our fists again.

“You're not gonna get away with it, mother!”

"And let's go!"

We both hold out fists again.

“I've been on to ya since I was a little girl, mother.”

I scoff and say, "Ready, let's go!"

We both hold out fists again.

I sigh in frustration and hold back my tears, “Why won't ya put out paper, eh?! Can't you see that I want ya to win an’ get outta here? Now stop bein’ such a bad girl. Show a little respect for yer mother, will ya!”

I start gasping for breath, as the heat and pain becomes too much.

“Do as yer…mother…says for this one last time, I'm beggin' ya, Mitsue. If ya…don't run away right now…”

The lights go down and Chiyo and I return to our original positions. Her in the futon, and me kneeling next to her.

The lights come back up and Chiyo tearfully says, “I…left you there. But I should have died beside you.”

I raise my voice, “What on earth makes ya say such a thing!?”

She bows her head without looking at me, “I don't deserve to live.”

I pound on the floor with my fist and grit my teeth, raising my voice even higher, “Don't you EVER say a thing like that!”

She sits up on her knees on the futon and reaches out to me, “Listen to me, mother!”

I scoff and shake my head, “I'm not gonna listen to a word of this.”

Chiyo crosses her arms and doubles over with her hands around her abdomen, tears streaming down her face.

She’s so good that it makes my job a lot easier, because I can’t see my friend looking like this without having an emotional reaction myself.

“All of my friends are gone! Etsuko died while standing in a fire-prevention reservoir. Kaori was just walkin’ along, her tongue swollen outta her mouth like she was chewin’ on a huge eggplant. Fumiko had gotten married just after graduation...and she died with her baby at her breast. The baby, too, went to the other world soon after, pressing its little face to her breasts, without even an inklin’ of what this world is like.”

She pauses and sobs for a moment, her shoulders shaking violently. Then she looks up at me, tears still streaming down her face.

“A-and Michiko, my friend at the telephone exchange. Two of her coworkers were too scared to move, so she put her arms around ‘em and told ‘em to be brave 'cause she wouldn't leave ‘em. She protected ‘em until she died, too, right there. And there's you, too, mother…” She pauses to sob a few more times before continuing, “To die in Hiroshima was the natural thing to do. To survive here is unnatural. That's why my bein’ alive now is wrong. I…I shouldn't be here.”

There are tears on my face now too. I make a move to try and comfort her with a hug, before being disappointed that I'm only a ghost, so I can’t. So, I do my best to comfort her with a smile and my voice, “Well I can tell ya, we dead people don't see it that way. I'm perfectly at peace with what happened to me, sweetie. So…just try an’ find happiness, will ya?”

She shakes her head without hesitation, “I don’t deserve to be happy! I don't even deserve to be alive. But I don't have the courage to die either. So I'm just goin’ to live a quiet life and, when I get the chance, leave life just as quietly. Alone.”

I start to get desperate so I strain my voice, “Listen to me, will ya! Have you forgotten my last words!?”

The lights go down again, and we switch places again with me on my back and Chiyo kneeling next to me and holding my hand. The lights come back on with the orange tint.

Chiyo looks devastated as I look up at her and say, “Please…Mitsue…Live. Live your life for the both of us. Promise me.”

She nods, sniffles and says, “I-I will…” Then she stands up and backs away from me, before turning and running off the stage.

The lights go down. Chiyo comes back and we switch places again.

Then the lights come back up and I smile at her and say, “I was so relieved that I finally got ya to leave and so happy that you would survive. So, ya see, ya will go on livin’ because of me. An’ all the others.”

She looks at me in confusion, “Because of…all of you?”

“Yes. Go on livin’ so that the world will remember that tens of thousands of people have had to say goodbye like that and it's inhuman.”

She gently says “Okay. I…I can do that. I’ll live. But I can't ever love. Or be happy. N-not without you, mother! N-not when all of you are gone. It wouldn't be right.”

I smile softly at her, “Ya can love. In fact I happen to know ya do love this man. I know he’ll make ya happy. And ya should be happy. Me an’ all the others you loved want that for ya, sweetie. More than anythin’. An’ he loves you too. All ya have to do is accept him and be honest about how you’re feelin’.”

Chiyo sits in silence for a moment and then nods. She reaches out to me, and our hands get as close as they can without actually touching. “Y-you’re right. I…think I can be happy with him. If that’s what you want. I would be lettin’ you and all the others down if I’m not, wouldn't I?”

I give her a confident nod.

“I-is there anythin’ else I can do for ya?”

I think for a moment and then smile mischievously, “A grandchild...would be nice.”

Chiyo and I look at each other in silence for several seconds, both of us teary-eyed. Then she wipes her tears and asks, “Will I see you again?”

I smile, “Depends on you.”

Chiyo smiles for the first time in the entire play, “I think…it will be a while. Thank you mother. I love you.”

The lights go down and I walk off the stage, passing Ken as I do. When the lights are up again, Ken is standing where I was, and the two of them embrace each other.

Then the lights go out, and the audience starts applauding. It's so much louder than I expected it to be.

A smile forms on my face, as I get with the other two cast members and walk to the front of the stage. The lights come up and the three of us bow together.

Now that I see the audience, I see that the auditorium is crowded. It isn’t entirely full, but there must be a hundred people.

And all of them keep clapping. Many of them are standing and cheering. I think I can hear my father saying my name, but I can’t seem to find him in the crowd. Some boy I don’t recognize comes up to the edge of the stage and gives Chiyo a bouquet with a note in them. She takes them reluctantly.

Probably a confession.

I gesture for Daiki to come and join us on stage. He does so after I won't take no for an answer. I take his hand and then the four of us bow.

Now that we’re all here I look out at the audience with a smile and let the applause wash over me, I enjoy every minute of it. And I know my club mates do too.

We did it. We performed our play. And people enjoyed it. We worked together towards a common goal and we did something wonderful. I’m so happy.

…

The four of us in the drama club are backstage. Chiyo and I are in one of the changing rooms getting out of our costumes. Surprisingly, we haven't said anything to one another so far. But we haven't stopped smiling since we left the stage.

I finish changing first and as I wait I say, “You were really good tonight. I mean, you were good in rehearsal, b-but tonight was…even better.”

She smiles as she finishes tying the bow on her uniform, “Thanks. You too. It’s the adrenaline I think. I think we all did…so well. It was our best performance yet. Perfect time, too.” She takes a deep breath, as she makes sure her uniform looks right in the mirror, “Now I have to do something else even more nerve-wracking.”

“So, you're going to tell him tonight for sure?”

She nods, “Yep. Just like I told you and Akane. No more excuses.” She smiles, “You know, tonight I realized that I’m kind of doing what Mitsue was in the play. Not letting myself be happy because of something bad that happened to me.”

She hugs me, “And just like in the play, you helped me realize that was silly. So thank you.”

I smile as I hug her back, “You’re welcome.”

The two of us leave our changing room to find Daiki and Ken waiting for us. Both of them are smiling too. After congratulating one another, we head out into the lobby.

When we all get there, I'm surprised to see many people are still in the lobby. They all applaud us when we come out. I recognize many of the faces, including my parents and Mr. Suzuki, but I didn't expect this many people to still be here with the festival going on. I thought they would go outside to join the festivities.

Before I have time to really look around the crowd, I’m suddenly wrapped up in a tight hug.

“You were soooo good! That was the best play ever! I should have brought flowers. You deserve them way more than Chiyo.”

I laugh, “Th-thank you, Akane.”

When she releases me from the hug I notice that she's with Misha and Shizune.

Misha has a big smile for me as she signs and speaks at the same time, “It really was good! Shicchan even cried!”

Shizune glares at Misha and starts signing, “Shicchan says she…only had a tear or two, that's not the same as crying!” Then she turns to me and continues signing and this time Akane translates, “It really was very good. I was a little nervous having this be part of the festival, but now I'm very glad we did!”

I smile, “Thank you. I'm glad you both enjoyed it.”

Shizune nods and Misha says, “We're off to check on some other festival stuff. See you later!”

After those two head out, I'm able to get my bearings a little. I see Daiki talking to his parents and Ken and Chiyo talking to an older man. Probably the director of the acting troupe.

Then, I locate my parents. My dad looks like he wants to dash over here, but my mom has his arm tightly looped with hers and is patting him on the hand. It's like she’s trying to calm down a young child and telling him to wait his turn. I’m thankful she is, because it would have been embarrassing if he ran over here with his usual level of excitement.

With a smile I turn to Akane and say, “Want to meet my parents?”

She nods with a big smile on her face.

As I start to walk across the lobby to see them, Akane says, “Hold on.” And goes off somewhere. I stop and watch her to see where she's going. Then I see a familiar tall blond girl on the other side of the lobby. She’s using her cane to feel around, but looks very uncertain.

Akane says something to her and Lilly takes her arm and they return to me.

“H-hi Lilly. Thank you for coming.”

Lilly says, “I’m happy I did. You were wonderful, Nagisa. Your voice was so different that for a moment I was very confused! My apologies for not coming to congratulate you sooner, but with all the people in here I wasn't sure I would find you. I’m glad Akane saw me, I was about to give up.”

“I-I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

She nods and smiles, “I’d like to talk to you more about it some time. But for now, I should probably retreat.”

I smile, “Okay. I’ll come see you at lunch soon.”

She nods, “I’d like that.”

Then Akane leads Lilly to the exit before rejoining me, and we walk towards my parents.

Once we’re close enough, my dad breaks free from my mom and wraps me in a hug much like Akane did. He sounds surprisingly calm and serious when he says, “You were absolutely incredible.” He let's me go and then my mom hugs me too and says, “I’m so happy for you.”

I smile at her, “I-I’m happy too. It was fun and…really amazing.” I gesture towards Akane, “I want you both to meet Akane, she’s my best friend I’ve told you about.”

Akane suddenly gets very stiff and bows her head, “I-it's very nice to meet you both, Mr. and Mrs. Furukawa.”

My dad responds, “IT'S VERY NICE TO MEET YOU TOO!”

Well, at least she knows she doesn't need to be so formal now.

Akane flinches as my dad yells in her face, but she somehow manages to keep smiling.

“Dad…you don’t have to do that. Just talk normally.”

“But I thought you said-”

Akane steps in and taps on her ear piece, “I'm deaf, but when I have these on I'm…basically not.”

My dad narrows his eyes and nods, “Ohhhh.”

My mom smiles at Akane, “Would you like to come with us to the festival? I’d like to get to know my daughter’s best friend a little.”

Akane nods eagerly.

“You don't have to work the booth some more?”

Akane shakes her head, “Madoka said she’d cover for me, surprisingly enough. She…even said I should spend time with you at the festival. Seemed a little weird, but who am I to argue?”

“Oh, that's great!”

Just as the four of us are leaving the performing arts center, I hear, “Hey Nagisa, wait!”

Akane and my parents stop and so do I. I turn around to see Chiyo and Ken with the older man that I saw earlier.

Chiyo smiles, “This is…Mr. Fujita. From the acting troupe in Tokyo. He wanted to meet you.”

He nods, “Hello Ms. Furukawa. I really enjoyed your performance tonight. I was absolutely captivated. I was shocked when these two told me it was your first play.”

I feel my face flush, “O-Oh. Um…thank you, sir.”

I’ve gotten a lot of praise tonight. But I know for sure that this man isn't just my friend or my parents telling me I did a good job.

My dad claps his hand on my shoulder, “It's in her blood! I used to be an actor.”

Mr. Fujita nods, “I see. That certainly helps.”

“Are you interested in her for your troupe?”

“D-dad, that's not-”

Mr. Fujita smiles, “As a matter of fact, I am.” He pulls out a business card and hands it to me, “I don't want to interrupt your family time at the festival, but give me a call sometime if you’re interested.”

I nod, “O-oh. Um…okay. Th-thank you, sir.”

He nods and then goes off with Ken and Chiyo. Chiyo shoots me a big smile and a thumbs up as they leave. I think it has more than one meaning.

…

We just finished eating some really good yakisoba at the fair. Once my dad is finished, he gets up from our table and runs over to the game booths and yells, “Nagisa! Come watch your dad win you a stuffed animal!”

Akane laughs and whispers, “Does…your dad think he's on a date with you?”

I sigh, “Kind of. We are very close and…sometimes he gets kind of needy like this. It’s…not as weird as it sounds.”

Akane giggles, “If you say so.”

My mom, who I didn't know could hear us laughs, and says, “It's a little weird. But I suppose we should humor him. He’s been such a good boy so far.”

All three of us start giggling as we throw our trash away as my dad impatiently bounces up and down in front of one of the game booths.

When we get closer I see that he’s settled in front of a booth where you throw balls at little figures. The more you knock down, the bigger stuffed animal you get. My dad is staring into the booth with a serious glint in his eye, “I'm going to get you that big stuffed cat. I promise. You deserve it after your play.”

I notice Akane grinning and say, “Dad…why don't you try to win one for mom instead?”

My dad frowns, “But I always win you something at fairs.”

“I…I know but-”

My mom chimes in, “Nagisa, I don’t mind. Don't you want that cat?”

Akane looks like she's barely holding a laugh in as I feel embarrassed. But I sigh and say, “Yes.”

This makes both of my parents smile, while Akane giggles at my embarrassment.

I do kind of want him to win me one. Maybe I'm weird too. I hope Akane doesn't think I am, though.

My thoughts must have been on my face. Akane nudges me, “Hey, it’s cute you guys are so close. You know cuteness makes me laugh sometimes - like with the dango song. I didn't mean to make you feel embarrassed.”

“Th-thanks.”

Akane, my mom and I watch as my dad loosens up his arm like he does before playing baseball. Then he dramatically slams a 100 yen coin on the booth counter. The poor student running the booth awkwardly takes the coin and gives my dad three balls.

My mom cheers, “You can do it, Akio!”

My dad confidently looks at the three of us, “I have three beautiful women watching and cheering me on. I can't let any of you down.”

My mom and I are used to this kind of thing, but Akane isn't. She blushes and looks away from him, making me smile.

My mom and I also aren't surprised when my dad knocks a figure over with all three of his throws. My mom and I cheer for him, but Akane sounds truly amazed when she says, “Whoaaa!”

My dad hands me the stuffed cat and smirks at Akane, “Impressed?”

Akane laughs, “Yeah, kind of. But I bet you can't do it again.”

“Tch. I can, and I will. I'll win you a cat this time!”

Sure enough, my dad goes through the same routine, handing Akane a cat this time. Akane smiles at him, “Thank you. But…now you have to do it for your wife.”

He turns to my mom and points at her dramatically, “Sanae! It's your turn!”

My mom claps and smiles at him, before my dad quickly wins another prize.

…

My dad has played just about every game at the fair and at this point, we have more prizes than we can carry. We each have our plush cat from the ball game, as well as costume jewelry bracelets, yo-yos, and a box of sparklers.

However, there's still one game booth I want to visit.
“What about this one, dad?”

He scoffs, “The goldfish game? That's for babies.”

Akane laughs, “And what, ring toss was really manly?”

The two of them have been having silly banter all night. It's been fun to watch. I'm glad she gets my dad's weird sense of humor.

My dad narrows his eyes at her, “It is manly, because I won prizes for my women. There's nothing manlier!”

Akane snorts, “Please don't tell me you're including me as one of your women.”

My dad grins, “Well, if you're not one of them, I'll take your prizes back.”

Akane turns away from him and clutches them to her chest, “No! They're mine!”

My mom smiles at her and cheerfully says, “Then no complaining, dear!”

I laugh at this whole exchange and say, “I don't really want you to play. But our friend is here, and I wanted to say hello.”

Akane turns around and says, “Oh yeah! Saki.” She shoves her prizes into my dad’s arms and says, “Hold these for me.”

I follow suit, leaving my dad looking stunned and a little sad.

As we approach the booth, we see that there aren't many fish left. Just as I'm thinking Saki might have already left, I see her sitting in a chair behind the water tank. When she hears us she looks up with a fake looking smile, which turns into a real smile when she realizes it’s us.

“Oh, hey! Here for some fish?”

I shake my head, “We have too many prizes as it is. I just wanted to come say hello.”

She nods, “Hey, your play was pretty amazing. I had super high expectations too, and I was still blown away.”

Akane pats me on the head, “I know, right? And she was the star!”

Saki laughs, “Yep, you were really amazing. I’m pretty sure half the auditorium was crying during that last scene.”

I smile, “Th-thank you. I guess we both had a good day performing.”

Saki smiles and nods, “I’m really glad our bodies didn't let us down today.”

…

After we talked to Saki, there was an announcement that the fireworks were going to start. My parents, Akane, and I had fun watching all the different colors and we lit some of the sparklers my dad won us.

We just saw my parents off at the front gate. They are staying in a hotel at the bottom of the hill. They leave tomorrow, unfortunately. But we’re meeting them for breakfast at The Shanghai tomorrow morning before they leave.

Akane and I are walking back to the dorms with our prizes in our arms. Even though she teased us all about it, she seems pretty happy my dad won her a plush too. And all of her other prizes.

As she squeezes her stuffed cat to her chest with a smile she says, “I can see how you ended up so nice. They barely know me and made me feel like family.”

I laugh, “My dad is pretty silly though. It's embarrassing.”

Akane laughs, “That’s true. But it comes from a place of love, I think. So it's okay. It certainly makes him fun to be around.”

I nod and smile, “You’re right.”

As Akane and I get to our hall, I see something I've never seen before. Someone is sitting down next to my door. I think I know who that someone is, but I hope I'm wrong. I look at Akane, who I can tell is thinking the same thing.

When we get close enough, our fears are realized. Chiyo is sitting next to my door with her knees pulled to her chest and her arms wrapped around them.

Akane manages to say something first, “Ch-Chiyo?”

She looks up at us, and I flinch. Her face is tear-stained and she looks furious. She clenches her fists and stands up. Akane drops all of her prizes and gets between me and Chiyo with her arms outstretched. I don't understand why.

Through gritted teeth Chiyo says, “H-he… rejected me and told me we can't be friends. So… thanks for ruining my life! Y-you’re such good friends!”

Akane replies, “I-I'm sorry, Chiyo.”

Chiyo takes a step closer to Akane and with a shaky voice she says, “Shut up! I don't want your pity! It's your fault! I bet you wanted it to happen like this, you…you bitch!”

Just as she says the last word, she slaps Akane so hard that she grunts in pain and part of her hearing equipment flies off and hits my door.

Chiyo really put her body into it, so she loses her balance and falls towards Akane, who catches her and pulls her into a hug.

Chiyo struggles to get free of her grip, “L-let me go!”

But Akane doesn't listen. After struggling a little bit longer, Chiyo puts her arms around Akane and rests her head on her shoulder. She starts to sob. Just like she did earlier tonight, in the last scene of the play. Only this time it's real.

All of it happened so fast that I haven't moved. Now that it's clear it is what she needs, I walk around and hug Chiyo from behind.

This was such a great day.

But now one of the worst possible things has happened. One of my best friends had her heart broken. And Akane and I made it happen.

Chapter Text

We just got Chiyo into my room and got her into my bed. She's still crying.

Akane and I cry all the time. But I've only seen Chiyo cry like this on stage.

Akane and I go to the other corner of the room. Akane whispers “What should we do?”

“I…don't know. Comfort her as best we can.”

Akane frowns and her eyes get wide. Then she touches her right ear, “Shit. I thought things sounded weird. My processor is gone on this side.”

“O-oh. I saw it come off when she hit you. It's outside. Your fair prizes are still out there too. I forgot about it all with everything going on.”

We open the door and Akane immediately sees the little black piece of plastic. She picks it up and clicks her tongue while I pick up her prizes.

When I turn around she's holding two pieces of plastic in her hand. The part that hooks around her right ear is broken off.

She hooks it back up to the piece on the right side of her scalp. But when she goes to put it back on her ear, it won't stay.

She sighs and takes off the part on her scalp too, and puts them in her pocket.

She whispers, “Don't tell her. I can get another processor from the nurse in the morning. It's not a big deal.”

I nod and then Chiyo, who seems to have had a lull in her crying says, “A-Akane?”

Her voice sounds raspy and her nose is stuffed.

Akane doesn't move or react. It confuses me at first, but then I realize she must not have heard her. Especially since Chiyo's voice is quieter than usual. And the ear closest to Chiyo is the one that is missing the usual equipment.

I say, “She called you.”

Akane nods and goes over to the bed and kneels next to it.

Chiyo locks eyes with her and tearfully says, “I'm…I'm so sorry. I shouldn’t have hit you. Again. I'm horrible. You're my friend. I…I don’t think you're a bitch… I’m the bitch” Chiyo trails off and starts crying hard again.

Akane laughs softly and takes her hand, “It's okay, Chiyo.” She hands her the tissue box from my desk.

Chiyo uses the tissues to wipe her tears, “No, it isn’t!”

Akane shrugs, “I do crazy stuff when I get really upset too. It’s fine.”

Chiyo sighs, “Ever hit someone?”

Akane smirks, “No. Do you do it a lot?”

Chiyo shakes her head, “I’ve only ever hit you.”

“Aw, it’s our special thing.”

Chiyo laughs wryly, “I…guess it is.” She frowns, “I guess…I just wanted to blame someone. I thought I'd feel better. But it just…made me feel worse.”

“Well…don’t feel too much worse. I probably still deserved it for last time.”

“But I hit you really hard. Your cheek is still red. My hand even kinda hurts. So your face must.” She holds it up and stretches it, “Are you really okay?”

“Yep! I'm tough. I’m just glad you hit me instead of Nagisa. That's why I stepped in front. You'd feel way worse if you hit our little angel.”

Chiyo laughs, “That's true.”

I kneel next to the bed too, “Do you…want to talk about what happened?”

She sighs and rolls on her back and looks at the ceiling, “A little bit. I don't have it in me to talk about more than the broad strokes.”

“Th-that's okay.”

She sighs, “He stopped me when I was confessing.” She sniffles, “A-and said…that he couldn't be around me anymore if I felt that way.”

Akane looks to me expectantly. I don't know whether it's because she didn't hear all of that or she just thinks I should be the one to respond.

“I'm sorry that happened. A-and…sorry we were wrong. We didn't want you to hurt like this. Or lose him as a friend.”

Chiyo takes a deep breath and exhales, “It's fine. It…needed to happen. I couldn't keep going on the way I was. I just…I can't believe he doesn't even want to be friends anymore.”

“Yeah…me neither.”

Chiyo sighs and sits up, “I'll go to my room now. I'm exhausted from the play and…this.” She smiles at each of us, “Thanks for helping. I'm probably gonna be a complete mess for a little bit.” She shamefully looks at Akane, “But…I won't hit anyone again.”

I nod, “Feel free to come by or call if you need.”

She nods thankfully and stands up.

Akane smiles and says, “Hold on.” And scoops her prizes up off of my desk and drops them on the bed, “Do you want a little pick me up? Nagisa and I are rolling in fair prizes.”

Chiyo laughs, “Where did you two get all this?”

I feel my cheeks flush, “My dad. H-he's good at fair games.”

Chiyo chuckles and picks up the plush cat, which is certainly the item in the pile that is the most useful in times like these.

After that she hugs each of us and leaves the room. I look at Akane, who looks confused.

“Did you…hear all of that?”

Akane says, “Mostly. Reading lips and my good implant filled most of it in. I think I missed a few things, though. Because that made no sense to me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Did she say that he said he couldn't be around her if she loves him?”

“She did.”

She crosses her arms and thinks, “Why would he say that? Like…why would it be hard for him?”

“I don't know. Maybe because he thinks it would be harder for her?”

She taps her finger on her chin, “Yeah…maybe. She said that he interrupted her too before she finished confessing, right?”

I nod.

“Then that means…he already knew. So why would her confessing make a difference?”

I bow my head and quietly say, “I…don't know.”

She lets out a frustrated sigh, “I didn't hear that. I kind of need to see your lips right now to be sure of stuff. Having only one implant doing its job is like having a really bad radio signal. I can tell you made a sound, but not really what if was.”

I look up at her, “Oh, sorry. I really need to learn sign language. I had gotten so used to your implants but…this must happen sometimes.”

“Yeah, every now and then there's an issue. They are pretty reliable but they don't do their job 100 percent of the time, that's for sure.” She winks at me, “I'm ready to start lessons any time.”

I smile, “I'd like that. But um…all I said earlier was that I didn't know.”

Akane nods and then scrunches up her face while she thinks, “I admittedly don't know much about boys, but I'm so sure he likes her. You think so too, right?”

“Yeah but…I don’t know much about boys either. So maybe we were both just wrong.” I sigh, “I…wish we could talk to him.”

“Well…maybe we can? Does he have a phone?”

I shake my head, “And it’s way past curfew now.”

“Okay. Do you think you could get him to explain?”

“I…think so. I'm not as close to him as Chiyo or Daiki are. But I think he'll talk to me.”

Akane smiles, “Okay then, I have an idea. I can get you past security.”

“Y-you can?”

She winks, “Yep. I've used this trick a few times.”

…

“What do you two think you’re doing? It's well past curfew. Go back to your dorm.”

Akane and I are outside the boys’ dorm. A large and imposing security guard saw us and is shining a flashlight in our faces.

Akane goes into class rep mode, “We know that, sir. But I’m the Class Rep for 3-1, and this is the class secretary.” She gestures to me, “We needed to bring these worksheets to a student who has been out sick.” She brandishes a manila folder.

“And why couldn't you do that before curfew?”

Akane looks at me.

She told me I might have to answer since her hearing is bad right now and she can't see lips in the dark. I don't like lying to this man, but Akane said to treat it like I was acting. And I need to do this.

I bow my head, “We should have sir, w-we made a mistake. We lost track of time with the festival. But this student really needs this assignment or he’ll fall behind a-and…we’ll get into trouble.” I start to sniffle.

It's really not that hard to cry right now. I just have to think about Chiyo.

He sighs and clicks off his flashlight before crossing his arms, “Fine. But only one of you can go. And you're giving me the room number. And if you aren't back here in 10 minutes, I’ll come drag you out of there. I don’t care how much you cry.”

I nod to Akane, who hands me the manila envelope and practically shoves me towards the door.

…

I’m standing in front of a door in the boys’ dorm. I’m 90 percent sure it's Ken’s. I have only been here once before, though.

I don't have much time. 90 percent has to be good enough.

I knock on the door and am very relieved when I hear Ken’s voice, although it sounds gruffer than usual, “Uh…who is it?”

“I-it's Nagisa.”

He sighs loudly, “Come in.”

I open the door and find him sitting at his desk. It looks like he’s reading.

He turns around in his chair and in an exasperated tone says, “How did you even get in the dorm at this hour?”

As I close the door behind me I respond, “U-um…acting, actually.”

He laughs wryly, “Okay, then.” After a moment he says, “Well…I'm guessing you’ve gone to such lengths because Chiyo sent you?”

He doesn't sound like himself. His demeanor right now reminds me of when I forgot to move the futon during rehearsal.

His hostile attitude has me unwilling to go any further in the room, so I stand with my back almost to the door.

I shake my head, “Chiyo doesn't know. But…she is why I’m here.”

His voice gets even harsher, “Alright, get on with it then. I'd like to get this over with. I'm pretty tired.”

He's right. I don't have much time anyway.

“D-do you really not like her?”

“I rejected her, didn't I? Seems like a pretty clear sign.”

“B-but…y-you…”

He hisses at me, “Spit it out, Nagisa.”

I almost take a step back just from how angry he sounds. But I hold my ground, “I-it…seemed like you liked her…you were always with her. And she always makes you smile. A-ad you were always blushing. And always made sure she was touching you. Even when you didn't need her help.”

He takes off his glasses and pinches the bridge of his nose, “None of that matters. We can't be together.”

Does he know about her health somehow?

“So…you do like her? You didn't deny that.”

He shrugs, “It doesn't matter how I feel. But it's my call to reject her. You don’t get a say in it just because you know the two of us.”

I narrow my eyes at him and take a step closer to him, “You do like her. I even think…you love her.”

He sarcastically claps his hands and says, “Good for you.”

I take another small step and start to feel more confident, “E-every time you don't deny it, I’m more sure of it. I just don’t understand why you turned her down.”

He scoffs, “And guess what? You don’t have to.”

I sigh, “It's true. I don't. B-but Chiyo deserves to know whatever the truth is, especially since you won't even be her friend.”

Maybe it's playing dirty, but I’m running out of time. And it's the truth.

“She’s heartbroken, you know. She cried in my bed for about an hour.”

I see the first crack in his hostile expression, as his knitted eyebrows start to waver. I take another small step forward.

“You’re her best friend. And I think…the most important person in the world to her. I think she can take the rejection of her feelings…but taking away your friendship, too…”

His voice starts to waver too, “I-it's what's best for both of us.”

I take another step closer to him. I can reach out and touch him now, “Now I know for sure you love her. You’d only say that if you did. Do you really want to hurt the woman you love so badly?”

He clicks his tongue, “I didn't know you could be this ruthless. Or relentless.” He sighs, “I certainly never thought you’d break me during an interrogation.”

“So you’ll explain?”

“Yeah, but partly because once you and she know the truth, you’ll hate me anyway. So the result will be the same. Only…she won't be hurting as much since she'll hate me.”

“Wh-why would she hate you?”

“Because I'm jealous of her. That's why we can't be together.”

I blink several times, not even sure what he means in this situation, “J-jealous?”

He nods, “She's an amazing actress. Has a future as a professional. I…don't. Mr. Fujita came to see her, not me.”

I’m stunned so it takes me a moment to respond, “He…did? But I thought-”

His gruff tone returns, “Well…you thought wrong, didn't you? Mr. Fujita has hinted that my sight will make it hard for me to be an actor. And he's probably right. You know first hand what a mess it is to work with a blind actor.”

“I-it isn’t a mess! You're a good actor.”

He scoffs, “Whatever. Mr. Fujita praised you ten times as much as he praised me. I'm going to be in the troupe, but I think he only wants me because of Chiyo. And I can't live with that.”

I stand in silence for a moment, unsure what I can possibly say.

“I…I think you’re a good actor. And I think you got in on your own. B-but even if we imagine you’re right about all of this…you’re saying you can't be with a girl if she’s more successful than you?!”

He crosses his arms and nods, “If she has the career I wish I had…I don’t think it would work. I would resent her forever. I already do resent her. As you…can probably tell.”

“...oh.”

He sighs, “Yeah. I'm a real asshole, aren't I? I bet you'll both hate me now. Now get out of my room.”

He turns around in his chair so I can only see his back.

“I don't hate you.”

He sighs, “Just…leave, Nagisa.”

“I will soon, but I'm not done.”

He groans and turns back around, “Fine. Say your piece.”

“You can't know how your career will go right now. Or hers. Or how you’ll react if she is more successful. Y-you're assuming the worst.”

He laughs wryly, “You sound like her.”

“Well she's right, you are a pessimist.” I pause for a moment as an idea springs to life in my mind.

“You should come to breakfast tomorrow with me, my parents and Akane.”

His eyebrows shoot up, “Um…huh? That seems random. And they'll definitely think we're dating.”

I laugh, “I'll tell them we aren't. But I really think you should talk to my dad about all this.”

His look of bewilderment intensifies, “Your…dad?”

“Yep! You heard him say he used to be an actor right?”

Ken nods.

“He loved it. And was very good. But um…h-he gave it up because of me and my health.”

Ken’s bewildered face goes away, “Gotcha. So he knows about love and ambition.”

“Yes, I…I think so.”

Ken sighs and then nods.

“Okay. Fine. I’ll go.”

…

“Well…he showed. That's good. Not sure we could get in the boys’ dorm again.”

Akane and I are walking towards Yamaku's front gate, where we’ve just seen that Ken is waiting for us.

I turn my head towards Akane as I reply, “Yes, I was pretty sure he would.”

She still doesn't have all of her equipment on her right side. She’ll get it after breakfast when the nurse’s office is open. So I’m on her left side and making sure to speak loudly and in a way where she can see my lips.

As we get closer Akane says, “Are you sure this is a good idea? Your dad’s nice but…I don't think I would use the word 'wise' to describe that man. He’s not the kind of guy who you go to for advice, you know what I mean?”

I laugh, “I’m sure. Both my parents are pretty good at this.”

Akane doesn't look like she buys it.

When we get to the gate we greet Ken, and then I say, “Do you want to hold on to my arm for the walk?”

As expected, he shakes his head and gets his cane out, “I know this walk pretty well. I’ll walk in front so I know where you are.”

We’re quiet for the first several minutes of the walk. I expected that, between Akane’s hearing and Ken’s mood. I’m surprised when Ken is the first to say something.

“Akane - I’m glad you and Chiyo are friends again.”

I look at Akane who looks towards Ken and then at me. She shakes her head.

She can't see his lips and he’s a ways in front of us.

So I reply, “Did you say you’re happy Akane and Chiyo are friends again?”

Ken is understandably confused, “Um…yes?”

Akane smiles and hurries ahead, “I’m gonna get on your right side. I’m not hearing very well right now. So I need to be closer if we talk.”

Ken replies, “Oh. Okay.”

Akane gets next to him and says, “Is here good?”

Ken nods and says, “Anyway…she’s never told me what happened between you. Said it was…girl stuff. I thought maybe you two fought over a boy or something.”

Akane laughs, “Nope. It definitely wasn't that.”

Ken replies, “Okay then. Well…either way, she was really happy when you two mended fences. So, I’m glad you did.”

“Yeah, me too. We have Nagisa to thank.”

Ken laughs wryly, “It seems we all have something to thank her for at this point.”

…

The three of us just walked into the Shanghai to find my parents waiting at a table. Akane runs ahead and hugs my mom, and then I do too. Akane explains her hearing issue and takes a seat next to my mom that is to the right of everyone else, so she should be able to hear us.

Ken stands around awkwardly while this is going on. I return to him and say, “Mom, dad…this is Ken, who I told you about.”

My parents greet him, and then I pull out a chair for Ken so he can sit down across from my father. I take a seat next to him.

We all order some coffee and pastries and chat about little things while we enjoy them.

But once we’re settled, my dad crosses his arms while glaring at Ken, “Come to ask permission to take my daughter away from me, boy?”

Ken gets a look of panic on his face and turns to me, ‘I told you this was a bad idea.”

My mom sighs and lightly slaps my dad on the arm and then cheerfully says, “Don't listen to him, Ken. He's just being silly. He often is.”

This makes Akane and I crack up while Ken still looks unsure.

I reassure him with my hand on his shoulder, “He knows you want to talk about Chiyo. He’s just joking.”

As I’m saying this my dad studies Ken and when I finish he says, “Listen to me, boy.”

“U-um…I am, sir.”

My mom sighs and shakes her head at my father, “Why don't you tell us what the issue is. We've heard from Nagisa, but I'm curious to hear from you.”

Ken nods, “W-well…I'm in love with Chiyo, my co-star from the play. But I also really resent her because she's a better actor. She…confessed to me yesterday, but I rejected her and told her we can't be friends either.”

My mom frowns and replies, “Oh my. Why do you think you can't even be friends?”

That's a good question. I didn't have time for it last night.

Ken sighs and fiddles with his napkin, “Because we'll end up together if we keep spending time together. Now that I know for sure she has feelings for me…I won't be able to ignore mine.”

My dad scoffs, “So, don't.”

Ken shakes his head, “We'll both just get hurt worse because of my resentment.”

My dad says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world, “So, stop resenting her.”

Ken looks beyond confused, “How?”

My mom chimes in, “Well, you resent her because you think she's a better actor than you. Not because she thinks she's better. It's all up to you to solve this problem.”

“But she is better than me.”

My dad scoffs, “You're right, she is.”

“D-dad!”

He waves a hand at me without looking away from Ken, “But who cares if she's better?”

“Well…I do.”

My dad scoffs, “Take it from a man who works every day with his beautiful wife – it's a wonderful thing to work together with the woman you love.”

My mom beams at my dad as he continues.

“We have different strengths. Sanae is better with the accounting and the customers, but I'm better at making the bread. I wouldn’t say either of us is better at running a bakery than the other, would you?”

I'm glad Ken's blind right now. Because my mom’s lip quivering at the mention of my dad's better baking skills would have made his message a little less meaningful.

Ken thinks for a moment while stirring his spoon in his coffee, “No. I wouldn’t. I…am better at voices and dialects than she is. And character analysis. I always help her with that.”

My father smiles, “You see? And I'm sure with time you'll find other strengths. And you two can support each other every step of the way. Making each other better. You can run your bakery together, too.”

My mom nods, “As equals. You must see yourself as her equal, or you're right, it won't work out. And communicate about how you feel, too.”

Ken massages his temples for a moment. And then exhales before saying, “Okay. Y-you’re…right. I just need to look at things more positively.” He chuckles, “Which is what she's always telling me.”

My mom smiles and excitedly asks, “So you’re going to return her feelings?”

He nods, “If…she's willing to have me after all this.”

I smile ear to ear while my mom claps her hands together joyfully, “Wonderful!”

My dad nods, “Good luck, boy.”

Akane who has been watching intently all along is staring at my dad with her mouth hanging open, “My hearing must really be off this morning. Because Mr. Furukawa sounded like he knew what he was talking about. That can't be right, can it?”

…

Akane and I are sitting in the lobby of the performing arts center. Ken and Chiyo are currently talking in our club room.

After talking to my parents, Ken asked Akane and I set up the meeting between them. Ken said he was going to tell her everything. I am fairly confident she will forgive him. But I can't be sure. He did really hurt her.

Akane and I have been anxiously waiting on a bench in the lobby for the last 30 minutes.

I'm so tired. I haven't slept enough several days in a row. The run up to the play and everything with Ken and Chiyo made it hard.

As I close my eyes and lean against the wall, I hear Akane exhale and say, “Oh, thank God.”

I open my eyes and see Chiyo and Ken walking arm in arm. I don't know for sure if that means he decided to return her feelings, but it at least means they are still friends.

When they reach us, the two of them stop. From the redness on Ken's cheeks and the size of Chiyo's smile I feel even more hopeful.

She says, “We talked about everything and he apologized…a-and returned my feelings.”

Ken nods, “Thank you. Both of you. I was…really in my head and I don’t think I was going to come out if it weren't for you two. And Nagisa’s parents.”

Chiyo laughs, “It took a village to get me to confess to you too. We were both overthinking things pretty hard.”

Akane laughs, “That's how we know it's true love. Two stubborn, pessimistic people. Good luck, you two.”

We all laugh, but when my laughter ends I see Chiyo looking at me. She gets choked up as she looks at me, “H-he said you snuck into the dorm last night to talk to him?”

I nod, “Yeah. I’m not an angel after all.”

Chiyo laughs and hugs me, “Yes you are.” Then she extends her arms wider and invites Akane to join us in a group hug, “Both of you.”

Akane whispers, “When you say you talked about ‘everything’-”

Chiyo breaks the hug, smiles and loops her arm with Ken again, “I mean everything. He was hiding something from me…so, I told him what I was hiding, too.”

This takes away what little anxiety I was feeling about them. Now I feel absolutely elated.

I take a step towards Ken but then realize I should warn him, “Ken…can I hug you?”

He sighs, but with a smile on his face, “If you have to.”

I walk up to him and hug him gently and say, “Sorry, but I do have to.”

I think I'm finally going to get a good night's sleep.

Chapter Text

Chiyo and I are in the club room. The four of us cleared the stage today and deconstructed our set.

Now we are laying out an array of sweets and snacks and drinks we got from The Shanghai and the cafeteria. Now that the set is taken apart, we are having a little party to commemorate how well the play went.

The boys went to return our library books. I told Daiki that he didn't need to worry about that today, but he insisted. Something about wanting to put the play completely behind us. Ken decided to go with him, apparently he has some Braille books coming in.

In addition to celebrating when they get back, I'm also hoping we'll talk about how to save the drama club. I kind of hoped our play would get some younger students interested, but it’s been 3 days now and we haven't had any interest.

I’m worried that if I bring that up, I'll bring down the mood. No one else seems as worried as I am about it. And I guess we have plenty of time to work on that.

I feel like we are also celebrating Ken and Chiyo finally getting together. So maybe I should focus on that.

We just sat down at our usual table, and Chiyo is smiling and humming to herself as she munches on an anpan. It makes me smile too.

She never seemed like an unhappy girl, but now that she's with Ken she always seems to be smiling. He's more reserved than her of course, but I can tell that he's very happy too.

They both were very stressed out about things they were hiding from one another. Getting them off their chest must feel really good. Especially because they both accepted one another. I actually haven't had much time to talk to her about any of it, since the two of them have become even more inseparable now. She hasn't dropped by my room since they got together so I haven't actually spoken to her about it.

I lean back in the chair and cheerfully say, “So…how are things with Ken?”

She sighs happily, “Magical.”

I laugh, “Good. Have you gone on any dates?”

She looks surprised, “No. I hadn't thought about that, actually. I guess we should.”

“You…hadn't thought about that?”

She laughs, “Nope.”

“What do you do if you don’t go on dates?”

Her cheeks flush, “Um…you know. Just…hang out in each other's rooms. Talking and…cuddling and um…s-stuff.”

Now my cheeks flush, “Ohhhh. I get it.”

She looks at me with raised eyebrows, “Y-you do?”

I nod.

“A-and…you don't disprove? I thought you'd think…it was too fast.”

I shake my head, “You're in love. Th-there's nothing wrong with…doing um…that with someone you love.”

She laughs and rolls her eyes, “Says the girl who can't even say the word.”

“I-I can say it!”

She smirks at me, “Oh yeah? Then say it.”

I clench my eyes shut and take a deep breath, “Se-”

I'm startled when the club room door gets thrown open with a bang and an out of breath Ken rushes in. He looks really upset.

“A-are you two still here?”

A very worried Chiyo says, “Yeah, we're here. What's wrong?”

He comes up to the table and shakes his head, “D-Daiki got hurt. They took him to the hospital.”

Before I know it I'm on my feet, “Wh-what happened!?”

“H-he…fell down the stairs.”

I immediately feel pressure in my throat and sick to my stomach. I try to think of what I should say, but I find myself unable to speak. It's like this conversation is just happening around me and I'm not part of it. It sounds like it’s happening on a television in another room.

Chiyo replies, “I-is he okay?”

“I'm…not sure. A teacher called an ambulance right away…b-but I was at the top of the stairs and everyone was in a hurry and all anyone told me was that he was going to the hospital…” He adjusts his glasses, “…I couldn't see what happened. But I think from what I heard…he was unconscious. He wasn't responding to anyone.”

He is barely choking back tears, something I've never seen Ken do.

“I-it's my fault. I should have made him use the elevator.”

Chiyo walks up to Ken and grabs him in a tight hug, “It's not your fault, okay? He’s a stubborn one. You couldn't have made him. Right, Nagisa?”

I nod, still feeling oddly paralyzed by what I've heard.

Chiyo gives me a worried look and takes my hand and loops elbows with Ken, “For the record Ken, she nodded. L-let’s go see if we can find out more.”

…

We're at the nurse's office trying to find out the missing details of Daiki's fall. I still feel like I'm in a haze.

The nurse looks at each of us in turn and sighs, “I'm sorry, I can't really tell you anything.”

Chiyo frowns, “Oh.”

The nurse gets out a pen and looks at us hopefully, “Do any of you have his parents’ contact information? We haven't been able to get a hold of them.”

I notice Chiyo looking at me expectantly, but I can’t bring myself to say anything.

She sighs and turns to the nurse, “I don't have their number but th-they have a vet clinic in Sendai. Matsuzaka vet clinic.”

The nurse nods while he writes something down, “Okay. I don't know if we tried there. Thanks.”

He puts his pen down and looks up at us with a sigh, “I still can't tell you anything. But…you know that he's at the hospital. And there's only one near here. So…”

Chiyo smiles and nods, “Got it.”

…

“Are any of you family?”

Chiyo, Ken, and I are at the hospital. She still has her arm looped with Ken's and is holding my hand.

Chiyo replies “N-not…technically, ma'am but he's our friend. We're very close.”

She's having to do everything. But I don't feel like I can. Ken must be feeling similar. He hasn't said much since he told us what happened. Thank goodness for Chiyo.

She looks at our uniforms, “Yamaku students too?”

“Yes ma'am.”

“I'll have to ask my supervisor if you can see him. We normally allow classmates that the patient has approved of to visit, but we don't have a list for him.”

Chiyo pleads, “B-but…can't you ask him, ma'am? He would want to see us.”

The nurse frowns and looks away from us and replies, “...like I said, I'll ask my supervisor.” The nurse goes off down the hall.

“Okay, thank you very much ma'am.”

Chiyo guides us over to a seating area near the nurses’ station. Ken sits down and she whispers something to him. He nods and then Chiyo looks at me and says, “I need to use the restroom. Do you want to come with me?”

I nod, prompting another frown out of Chiyo. Then she guides me to the bathroom. Once we're in there, she looks around and then puts both her hands on my shoulders and locks eyes with me, “A-are you okay?”

“Huh?”

She frowns, “You don't look like yourself. Y-you haven't said a word since Ken told us. And you've sort of just been staring into space and not really responding to anything. I think if I had let go of your hand I would have lost you. It's freaking me out.”

“O-oh. I didn't mean to worry you.”

She looks relieved, “You're apologizing for something dumb. That sounds like you. So…you're okay?”

I bow my head, “I…I don't know.”

“You know why we're here, right? You…know what's going on?”

I clench my eyes shut and nod.

“I need you to say it. So I know you're doing okay. So I know you're here with us.”

I close my eyes shut even tighter and do my best to speak despite my trembling lip, “We're here b-because…b-b-because…D-d-daiki…” I burst into tears before I can finish.

She hugs me and I cry into her shoulder for what feels like a very long time. When I'm done she breaks the hug and looks me in the eyes, “You look more like yourself now. That's a relief.”

I nod, “I…feel kind of better. More like I'm actually here. I felt…hazy. Crying helped.”

She gives me a relieved smile, “Good. Come on. Let's see what we can do for him.”

…

“So, we spoke with his parents, who are on the way. Are you three in drama club?”

Chiyo nods, “Y-yes ma'am.”

She nods back, “Okay. They said you could see him. I should warn you, he…hasn't regained consciousness. And he has some significant injuries. Are you…sure you want to see him?”

Ken and Chiyo nod. Chiyo looks at me and then I nod too.

The nurse nods, “Okay, follow me.”

The three of us follow, still connected to one another by our limbs. I feel very, very scared. So I'm glad to have Chiyo's hand right now.

After walking down a couple of hallways, she opens the door for us. We go in, and she follows us. When I see Daiki lying in a hospital bed, my eyes get wide and I put my palm to my mouth. Chiyo has a grim expression on her face.

She asks the nurse, “C-can you…tell us anything?”

She shakes her head, “We're still waiting on all of his results.”

“O-okay…thank you.”

The nurse leaves and then Ken says, “Can you…tell me how he looks?”

Chiyo grimaces and starts to describe things as I continue to focus on my badly injured friend. Hearing her say it out loud helps me process things.

“H-he has lots of bruises and cuts on his face. Especially on the right side. It's very black and blue a-and red.” She takes a deep breath, “He has lots of bandages and stuff. Some small ones on smaller cuts, but he also has one wrapped around e-entirely around his forehead.”

Ken sighs and with a shaky voice says, “Shit. H-how's the rest of him?”

Chiyo studies Daiki for a moment, “He's under a blanket b-but…from what I can tell, he doesn't have any casts or anything. His hands are a little bruised b-but…nothing like his face.”

Once she's done Chiyo looks down at the ground.

Ken says, “S-sorry…you have to do that for me. Can't be fun to relay that information.”

She clicks her tongue, “Hush up. It kind of helped me actually. I wouldn’t have assessed things so much otherwise.”

Ken nods, “So…between how his face and head looks and his unconsciousness…he must have really hit his head.”

Chiyo sighs, “Yeah, I think you're right.” She reaches out and gives my hand a squeeze, “How are you doing?”

I look from her to Daiki, “I-I'm okay.”

…

After about 20 minutes in Daiki's room with no activity from the medical staff, Chiyo sighs, “I wish we could do something. But we really can't. And his parents will be here soon. We're kind of gonna be in the way. Why don't you two go back to campus? I can relay info.”

“No.”

She looks at me in disbelief, “Huh?”

“I-I'll be the one who stays. You two go back.”

“Nagisa, you're having a really hard time-”

“I-I'm okay. Promise. I'm upset and worried, but so are both of you. I'll feel better…if I stay. I can’t t-take not knowing what's happening.”

Chiyo studies me for a moment and then smiles and nods, “Okay. You'll text updates?”

I nod.

…

Ken and Chiyo left about 30 minutes ago. Not long after they did, the radiologist came in and told me about the results of his X-rays. All things considered, the results were pretty good.

I think he made the assumption I was family. I feel a little bad about not telling him. But once he started talking I didn't want to stop him. But now, I'm worried how I'll explain that to his parents when they get here.

Just as I'm stressing about this I hear, “Hey there…it's Nagisa, right?”

I look up and see Daiki's father who has just walked into the room. He's trying to smile, but his eyes tell me that he's very worried. I also notice his mother standing at the threshold of the door. She's looking towards Daiki with her hand over her mouth and tears on her cheeks.

I stand up from my chair and force my own smile, “Th-that's right, sir.”

Mrs. Matsuzaka has entered the room now, and is standing next to her husband when she asks, “D-do you know what happened?”

I nod, “Um…h-he fell down the stairs at s-school.”

She snaps at me, “Why was he using stairs? Doesn't that school for the disabled have an elevator?!”

I flinch at her voice but then nod, “I-it does, ma'am. But he doesn't like to use it.”

She turns towards his bed and makes a face like she wants to scold him, before realizing that he probably wouldn't hear.

Mr. Matsuzaka asks, “Are there any updates?”

I nod, “They just told me about his X-Rays. He has three b-broken ribs and a broken collar bone. And lots of cuts and bruises on his face. But…no skull fracture. That was their biggest worry.”

Both of his parents look slightly relieved, which is how I feel too.

Mr. Matsuzaka asks,“Has he been awake at all?”

I sigh and look down before shaking my head, “Not since he fell.”

Mrs. Matsuzaka walks up to her son and gently puts her hand on his. I think I can make out the faint sound of her sniffling.

Mr. Matsuzaka asks, “Are they doing anything about that? Has he seen a neurologist?”

“I-I don't know for sure, sir. They did tell me he had a brain scan and some blood work they were waiting on.”

He nods, “That's probably neurology.”

I nod, “Um…I w-want to apologize.”

Mr. Matsuzaka looks confused. Mrs. Matsuzaka turns around from Daiki's bed and looks at me with some anger in her eyes.

I deserve it.

She asks, “Did you have something to do with his fall?”

I clench my eyes shut and shake my head, “I wasn't there.”

Mr. Matsuzaka says, “Then…what are you apologizing for?”

I look up at him, “Because th-they told me all that stuff. I think they assumed I was family and I didn't correct them.”

To my surprise, Mrs. Matsuzaka approaches me and takes my hand. She says, “Don't be silly. We'd have to wait a lot longer to find all that out without you. Thank you for being here for Daiki and answering all our questions.”

Mr. Matsuzaka gives me an animated nod, showing me he isn't mad either.

I smile, “O-of course.”

…

It's been about 30 minutes since the Matsuzakas got here. After our initial conversation we've been very quiet. I think we're all very worried and anxious to hear the results of Daiki’s other tests.

Mrs. Matsuzaka has stayed near Daiki's bed, holding his hand sometimes. Mr. Matsuzaka and I are sitting next to each other on a bench in the room.

Just as I'm about to offer to get them drinks, a man in his 50s wearing a lab coat comes into the room. He's a short, bald man with a goatee. The three of us all turn to him the moment he comes in.

“Hello, are you the Matsuzakas?”

Mr. Matsuzaka replies, “Yes, we are.”

He nods, “I’m the neurologist. Dr. Saito. I wanted to talk with you about your son's results.”

Mrs. Matsuzaka comes and sits down between her husband and I. She takes her husband's hand. And then to my surprise, she takes mine. It makes me feel a little better.

Mrs. Matsuzaka says, “O-Okay. We're ready.”

The doctor nods, “At this point, it would be correct to say that he's in a coma based on his brain scan.” Mrs. Matsuzaka and I both tighten the hold on one another’s hand. "However, his blood looks good, and based on the results of our diagnostic test, his coma right now is a rather shallow one.”

I surprise myself by being the first to speak, “Th-that's…good, then? He’ll wake up soon?”

The doctor frowns, “I can't say that definitively. Comas are tricky, it isn't always like a broken bone that will slowly heal and get better. There is always a chance he’ll get worse. What I can say is, based on the results of his tests it is very likely he’ll wake up in the next 2 to 4 weeks, and very unlikely he will progress to a vegetative state. We’ll keep monitoring him every 6 hours to see if there’s any change.”

Mr. Matsuzaka sighs, “Thank you doctor.”

After that the doctor leaves. Mrs. Matsuzaka lets go of our hands and sighs,“Well…it's not good. But hearing it's likely he wakes up soon made me feel…a little better.”

Her husband nods, “Agreed.”

I nod to show my agreement. Then Mrs. Matsuzaka turns to me with a smirk, “Can I ask you something?”

“O-of course.”

“How close are you two, anyway?”

“Um…pretty close. I’m in drama club and classes with him. He’s one of my best friends.”

She smirks at her husband who shrugs before she raises an eyebrow at me, “Friends, is it?”

“Yes ma’am.”

She chuckles, “If you say so. I don't see any other friends here, dear.”

“W-well…they were here earlier.”

Her mom smirks again, “But not now?”

“N-no, ma’am. They had to go get some rest.”

“But you didn't?”

I shake my head, “I wanted to stay.”

“And why is that, exactly?”

Just as I’m struggling to answer her question Mr. Matsuzaka says, “Leave the poor girl alone, dear. She's had a long day.”

She sighs, “Fine, fine. You’re right. Teasing her was a good distraction. But there’s no time for that.” She gets more serious and looks at her husband, “What do you think we should do?”

He sighs, “I was going to see if we could get him moved to a hospital in Sendai. This place doesn't have a coma ward, and we need to get him to one. The sooner the better.”

She nods, looking determined, “Okay. Should we go back to the city and do some leg work and make some calls?”

He nods, “That's probably best.”

She frowns, “I don't like leaving him.”

“Me neither, but I think we can get a lot more done in person. And besides,” He smiles at me, “...he's in good hands.”

I smile back, “I-If you give me your numbers, I can update you.”

…

It's the next day. Chiyo and Ken are stopping by to visit Daiki again.

Not long after walking in the door, Chiyo asks, “Hey, Nagisa, can I talk to you? Outside?”

I fidget, “B-but…I don't want to leave him.”

Chiyo smiles, “I know that. It’ll just be for a minute. Besides, it's kind of about that. Ken will stay with him.”

Ken nods and takes a seat on the bench.

I sigh and follow Chiyo into the hall, feeling a little annoyed. Why couldn't we talk in the room?

“You stayed here all night?”

“Yes.”

She frowns and tilts her head to the side, “Shouldn't you take a break?”

I shake my head, “What if he wakes up? Or his parents come by again? Or the doctors see that his status has changed?”

She smiles softly at me, “You…have to be here for those things, do you?”

“I do.”

“Why?”

“I…I um…I don’t know. But I feel I have to. I hadn't really thought about it. I’m j-just…really worried, and I have to be here when he opens his eyes a-and…I want to take care of him. Help him.”

Chiyo gives me a bemused look, “That's what I thought.”

Maybe it's the fatigue, but I have no idea what she's talking about. I sigh, “I don't know what you mean.”

She looks surprised, “You haven't figured it out?”

I shake my head in confusion.

Chiyo sighs and frowns, “You’re in love with him. Tough time to figure that out…but you are.”

For a moment, I want to argue with her. And say we’re just friends. But then…I think about everything I’ve felt and done since Ken told us he fell. I’ve been very focused on doing everything I can for him. And not thinking about anything else.

Putting someone before everything else is kind of the definition of love, isn't it?

Oh. His mom. THAT'S WHAT SHE WAS ASKING ABOUT?! I’m so dense.

She figured it out too. Just like Chiyo. Why didn't I?

“...wrong.”

Chiyo just said something but I missed most of it because I was in my head.

“Huh?”

She shrugs, “I said… maybe I’m wrong. You are the nicest person ever. Maybe this is what you would do for any one of us. But…it looks like the actions of a woman in love to me.”

I shake my head, “I-I don't think you’re wrong. I h-hadn’t realized. I was so focused on… I…I I am in love with him. You’re right.”

Somehow, that doesn't make me feel better. It gives me a bad feeling in my stomach.

Chiyo smiles and gives me a hug, “That's great. He's definitely still crazy about you. He’s got a nice little surprise waiting for him when he wakes up.”

I start to sniffle and I choke out the words, “I-if he….” before suddenly bursting into tears.

Chiyo guides me to a chair and strokes my hair and rubs my back as I cry. The bad feeling in my stomach and my negative feelings leave me with my tears. As my tears start to slow down, Chiyo softly says, “He will, Nagisa. I know he will. Especially with a cute girlfriend like you waiting for him. I'll go whisper to him that smooches from you are waiting for him. I bet he'll be back in no time when he finds out.”

This makes me laugh, and I wipe my tears.

Chiyo smiles at me, “I’m really not gonna convince you to go back to the dorm and get some rest, am I?”

I shake my head.

“Okay, but don't you want to be as cute as possible when he sees you? No offense, but you look like a girl who has been in the hospital for 36 hours. Sleep deprivation and no baths isn't the best for anyone's looks.”

I smile at her, “H-he told me…I’m a beautiful, amazing woman when he confessed. I-if he really loves me…he’ll still think that when I look like this.”

Chiyo chuckles and shakes her head, “Fine, fine. I’ll leave you alone about it for today. But if he still hasn't woken up by tomorrow, I’m breaking out the big guns to get you back to campus.”

“Y-you mean-”

She laughs, “Yep, Akane will literally drag you back kicking and screaming if she has to, don't you think? I've barely been able to keep her from doing it as it is. She's really worried about you. So really, you probably don't have a choice in the matter.”

I frown and begrudgingly say, “Fine, I’ll go to campus for a little while tomorrow for a shower and a nap.”

She pats me on the head, “That's a good girl.”

I just got back to the hospital after taking a shower and nap on campus. Akane was a little annoyed that I didn't take a longer nap. But I didn't want to be gone for too long.

Since I realized my feelings, I've been sitting next to Daiki and holding his hand when I'm in here with him. It makes me feel a little better. And I hope he knows I'm here too. On some level.

Just as I'm looking down at my phone and slowly replying to a text message from Daiki's mom about his status, I feel Daiki's hand move in mine. It startles me so much I drop my phone.

When I look up at him his eyes are moving. His right eye looks swollen shut. His left eye moves toward me. Then he squeezes my hand and quietly says, “N-nagisa…?”

I open my eyes wide, “Y-you’re awake!”

He smiles at my response and then winces in confusion, “That…hurt.” He uses his tongue to feel his swollen lip. “Talking…hurts.”

I nod, “Don't try to say or do too much. You’re in the hospital. You have some injuries. You were unconscious for about three days.”

He looks confused for a moment and then quietly says, “…stairs?”

“Yes, you fell.” I stand up and push the call button without letting go of his hand.

I should have done that sooner, but I was too excited to remember.

“The doctor and nurses will want to come look at you. Oh! And I'll call your parents.”

He looks confused about that last part.

…

After Daiki woke up, the medical staff took him away for a series of examinations and tests. But now Daiki is back in the room and the news is very good.

In terms of his head injury at least, there's nothing too serious. He has a concussion, but other than that his brain scan was normal and he hasn’t lost any motor function or anything. And the concussion should improve with time.

He still has other injuries of course, but they aren't dangerous and will heal on their own. He's going to hurt for a while though.

Now he's back in the room and I just took his hand again. He’s on some pain medication now, so speaking doesn't seem quite as painful. Only some words sound strained now. In fact, he mostly seems like his usual self.

He smiles at me , “Might…need to have… comas more often.”

I frown at him, “D-don't joke about it.”

He laughs softly, “Sorry. I guess it was…scary for all of you. For me it was just like…one minute I fell down the stairs, next minute I wake up to you holding my hand. Worth…it.”

“E-even with all the pain?”

He laughs, “Yep. Um…when I talked to my parents, they…said they thought you had been here the whole time. Is that…true?”

I nod.

“I left for a few hours because Akane and Chiyo made me. But other than that, I've been here. I didn't want to leave.”

He smiles, “I bet you…would do it for any friend.”

I smile at him, “M-maybe but…I wouldn't be holding hands with any of them.”

His smile gets wider, “You wouldn't?”

I shake my head, “No.” I pause for a moment as I mull over whether to say this now.

I was thinking I'd want until he got out of the hospital to confess.

I don't think I can hold it in any longer, though. Ever since Chiyo made me realize these feelings, it's been this warm feeling in my chest. And now…that he's awake, my face and heart feel like they are on fire. I have to say it.

I lock eyes with him, “I don't want to hold hands with anyone else. I know…m-maybe this isn't the best time to say this. But…with everything that's happened…I realized that I’m in love with you. I know…I rejected you before…And I don't know if you still-”

He smiles broadly, only wincing slightly this time from his facial pain, “Are you kidding? Of course I still feel…the same about you. Even a traumatic brain…injury didn't knock it out of me.”

This makes me feel happier than I have ever felt. Even if I'm also a little angry he's joking about this.

He reaches his hand out and puts it on my cheek. Although it's more like the entire side of my head. I hold his hand there with both of mine while we look into each other’s eyes.

“I love you too, Nagisa. So much. I have for quite some time. I'm so…happy you feel the same.”

“Finally!”

Daiki groans as his mother enters the room and I feel my face flush. He pulls his hand away from me and I look down at the ground.

“Were you just…standing there watching us?”

His mom grins like a child, “Mayyyybe.”

“That's…so creepy!”

She shrugs, “I got here and you two were having a serious conversation. I was gonna walk away. But I couldn't pull myself away when I saw what it was about.” She claps her hands together and I can practically see hearts in her eyes when she says, "So…are you two a couple now?”

He sighs, “Well, we haven't…talked about it. Which…you know. Because you were literally watching the…conversation! We might have if someone didn't interrupt…us.”

She clicks her tongue and looks at me, “He's always so annoyed with me, Nagisa. Even when he's seeing me for the first time after some serious medical trauma. Think you can do something about that?”

“U-um, I'll try.”

She laughs and then she gets a serious look on her face, walks over to her son and hugs him gently. He hugs her back. It's a sight that makes me smile.

They might bicker a lot, but they love each other.

She breaks the hug and winks at him, “I'm sorry for being extra annoying. I'm just very happy you're awake. It was scary there for a minute.”

“Y-yeah, I know. It's okay, mom. Y-you're not being that…annoying.”

She laughs, “You're a horrible liar since you're usually so honest.” She looks at me with a silly grin, “Good trait to have in a boyfriend, wouldn't you say?”

My face flushes again and I nod before looking down.

“Mom, stop embarrassing…her, please. Focus on me, at…least.”

She laughs and comes and sits next to me and puts her hand on my shoulder, “Really, truly - thank you so much, Nagisa. My husband and I could tell you would take good care of him. It really allowed us to do what we needed for him. It gave us so much peace of mind.”

I nod, “Y-you're welcome, ma'am. I w-was happy to do it.”

She nods, and then stands up, “Well…whatever you kids decide, just know that she’s got the stamp of approval from me and your father. We’ve already discussed it.”

I smile at her, as I feel my face flush again, making Mrs. Matsuzaka laugh.

“Speaking of your father, I’m going to track him down. I couldn't get through to his phone because it keeps being busy. I think he’s calling every doctor in Japan, or something. We’ll be back later I’m sure. So enjoy some parentless time, you two.”

An exasperated Daiki says, “Okay, mom. Thanks.”

His mom leaves and Daiki leaves a sigh of relief, “She’s…annoying. Sorry.”

I laugh, “She embarrassed me a lot, but she's really nice. And…when you meet my dad…you’ll see he’s far worse.”

Daiki smiles, “I’m…going to meet your dad, am I?”

Shoot. We still haven't discussed what our relationship is.

I clench my eyes shut, “W-w-well…yes. If you um…still want to be my boyfriend you will, y-yes.”

I feel his hand on the side of my face again and open my eyes.

He smiles, as best he can right now, “Of course that's what I want.”

I feel myself smile ear to ear, and before I know it, I’m standing up and gently pressing my lips to the side of his mouth that isn't injured.

I’d like to give him a better kiss than this one, but that will have to wait until he heals.

Chapter Text

It's been about a day since Daiki and I became boyfriend and girlfriend. And we've spent almost all that time together.

Yesterday, his mom came back with his dad and he congratulated us, but in a more restrained way than his wife. I also went back last night and slept in my dorm room, but came back early this morning.

It's been nice spending time with him and helping him however I can. He's doing really well overall. I thought his recovery would be slower since he was unconscious for so long, but now that he's awake things are going much better. 

His pain is manageable with less intense medication, and his face isn't quite as swollen anymore. But they don't want him moving around a whole lot between his already bad knee, concussion and broken bones. He'll probably have to stay at the hospital another week or two.

He just finished eating his dinner and when I come back from returning his tray, I'm surprised when I see him look at me with worry on his face. He smiles and then pats on the chair I've been sitting in and I slowly approach it, feeling a little nervous about his demeanor.

I sit down and put my hand on his, as I often do now, “I-is something wrong? Can I help?”

He shakes his head, “Nothing's wrong , but I am a little worried about you.’

“A-about me?”

He nods, “I really appreciate you being here so much…but now that I'm awake and on the mend, you probably do need to spend a little more time at school. You've been here constantly for several days at this point. That can't be good for you.”

I sigh, “I know. I was thinking about that too. I'll go to classes tomorrow. On school days, I'll just come in the evening for a couple of hours.” I smile at him and feel my cheeks flush, “I-It is hard to leave you though.”

He smiles back, “It was really hard for me to tell you to come less, so I know what you mean.”

I nod and take a stern tone, “Since you told me something you're worried about…there is one thing I'm worried about that I want to talk about before I go for the day.”

He looks a little worried. Probably like I did a minute ago, “Um…okay.”

“You have to take the elevator from now on.”

He sighs, “I know . Jeez, I knew that was coming at some point. Didn't know it would be so soon.”

I cross my arms, “Well…it's important. Why are you so stubborn about it, anyway?”

He frowns, “You’ll still be my girlfriend if my reason is stupid, right?”

I laugh, “Of course.”

He sighs and looks down. Then he mumbles something.

“Huh?”

He sighs again and says, “It's because I'm embarrassed about how damn big I am. I take up the whole elevator and slow everything down. A wheelchair can't even fit in there with me. And there are other students who need it.”

“W-well…it's nice of you to think of other students. But…I think you are one of the students who needs it.”

He laughs wryly, “Yeah...obviously I was in the wrong. As evidenced by my battered, broken body.”

He fidgets a little in his bed and then looks at me, “Y-you don't…mind that I'm so much bigger than you?”

I smile at how cute and bashful he's being, “Do you mind that I'm so much smaller?”

“No. But…truth be told it did make me more hesitant to confess.”

“Why?”

He shrugs, “It is…a little bit of an obstacle, isn't it?”

“I don't think of it that way.”

“But…it'd be easier to date a normal-sized guy. Especially because you're so small. We'll look funny together.”

“I don't care about that. I feel happy when I'm with you. Who cares if we’re different sizes?”

“You really aren't worried about it?”

I shake my head, but he still looks unsure.

It's embarrassing, but I'll tell him this to make him worry less.

 “A-actually…when…I was talking to Chiyo and Akane about how to respond to your confession a couple months ago, they asked me about it.” My cheeks flush and I look at the floor, “I…actually realized that I like that you're big.”

He raises his eyebrows and chuckles, “Oh. Huh. Somehow…I never thought that a girl might like it.”

My cheeks are burning now, “Well…I do. I like…all of you.”

He smiles, “That's nice to hear.”

“So…i-it sounds like I'm your first girlfriend?”

He nods, “I didn't have much interest in romance, to be honest. Not until I met you.” He sighs, “I think that's why my mom is making such a big deal out of everything.”

I laugh, “It's sweet that she's so happy for us. Um…my parents are too.”

Well, my mom is. My dad has mixed feelings. But he would about any boy. And Daiki doesn't need to know that. He'll come around.

He smiles, “That's good.” He adjusts himself in the bed a little and asks, “Y-you've had a boyfriend right? That guy in your hometown is your ex?”

Oh. Tomoya. I haven't even thought about him once since all this happened. 

That's a good thing I think.

I shake my head, “We never dated. I never confessed. S-so you're my first boyfriend.”

He nods, “I see. And…you're not still in love with him?”

Without hesitation I say, “No, silly. I'm only in love with you.”

He smiles, “I don't think I'll get tired of hearing that.”

I'm headed to class. I knocked on Akane's door to walk with her, but I've missed several days and didn't tell her I would be going to class today. So she must have gone on her own.

This makes me realize I haven't done a great job of communicating with her since everything started with Daiki. I'll have to apologize and do better with that. 

When I get to class, though, she gives me such a big smile that I can’t imagine she's upset with me.

“Hey, you made it to class today? That's good, I was worried you were becoming a delinquent.”

I laugh, “I needed to come back. And Daiki wanted me to come back to campus too now that he's awake. I did need the rest. And I needed to come to class.”

She smiles, “It's really great he's awake and gonna be fine.”

“Yeah, it is.” I smile wide, “U-um…he's also my boyfriend now. I realized through all of this that I could return his feelings.”

She smiles, “Oh…yeah? I was…wondering about that. That's…really great. I'm happy for you.” 

She's smiling. But I can tell something is wrong. Akane's normally broad smile isn't reaching her eyes. And she quickly returns her eyes to a worksheet on her desk. I'm about to ask her about it. But before I can, she leaves the classroom without saying anything to me. Just a few minutes before the bell. This is all very out of character for her.

I start to become very worried about my friend. And then I realize I recognize this reaction. 

If I hadn't done the exact same thing when Tomoya told me about Kotomi, I probably wouldn't have noticed.

I’m so stupid. I should have seen the signs…but she promised me that she didn’t feel that way, and I believed her.

After thinking about the situation for a minute, I decide I should go to talk to her. When I go to stand up, I'm surprised when I see Madoka has walked over to my desk. 

She whispers, “You're going after her, right?”

I nod, feeling more than a little confused that she seems to know what's going on.

She says, “Okay, I'll cover for you two. Y'know, if our teacher actually shows up on time.”

I nod and then rush out into the hall, and when I don't see Akane, I go into the bathroom. I don’t find her right away, but I hear the sound of someone sniffling in one of the stalls. I approach the door and knock on it, “A-are you okay, Akane?”

She clears her throat, “Yeah, I’m good. J-just using the restroom. I um…really need to go, so…privacy please.”

I rest my palm on the stall door, like it will somehow help me get through to her, “P-please…stop lying to me.”

“I-I’m not.”

“Y-you are too! I can tell you're crying.”

She clears her throat, “I am not . I just…I think I have a cold. Or a-allergies.”

“Okay. Must be really bad then if it's making you sound like that. I'll wait and then take you to the nurse. You would take me.”

She sharpens and raises her voice, but it's shakier now too, “ Nagisa …j-just… go , okay? Walk out of here and leave me be.”

“I don't want to.”

Now I hear a very clear sniffle, “Just leave me alone , okay? Go b-back to class. Leave me be. Please , Nagisa . P-p-please... ” 

I know that her lip is trembling now from how she's speaking. Maybe I should just do what she asks.

“I-if…it's really what you want, and what's best for you-”

“It is.”

I wish I had told Tomoya. Just to get it off my chest. 

I sigh, “But…how can ignoring this or lying about it be what's best? Friends don't lie. And they share how they feel. You'll feel better if you do.”

I hear a thud and the stall door moves slightly. She must have kicked it, “God, you're stubborn sometimes. Think you know what's best for me better than I do, huh?”

I sigh, “I-if you're really sure what you think is best is for us to ignore this, I can try my very best to…pretend. But…make sure that you do think it’s best.”

She is quiet for a moment and then sighs deeply, “Ugh, FINE . J-just…give me a second. I have to…mentally prepare. I have told myself many times I’d never EVER say this to you. So…it's hard.”

“Okay. Take your time.”

We're both quiet for a while. Then the bell rings. Just when I am going to accuse her of stalling, she starts to sniffle again, “Okay…I'm ready.”

“Me too.”

She takes a deep breath and says, “I’m…in love with you. How could I not be? You're like …the best person I've ever known, and a total babe too.” She half-laughs half-sniffles, “I-I'm…sorry. I’ve been struggling with this for a bit. I've tried… so hard not to feel this way. But I do. I can't help it.”

I knew it was what she was going to say. But I’m somehow still surprised to hear it. Before I came to Yamaku no one had ever fallen in love with me. But here, two wonderful people did. I wish I didn't keep hurting them, though.

“Akane…you don't have to apologize for loving me. I-it's beautiful to love someone. And to be loved too. B-but…what about what you said after we kissed?”

She sighs, “I…lied. I realized I was in love with you when I kissed you that night.”

So…that night, I really DID reject her. And that WAS why she was crying. It makes more sense now. But…

“…why did you lie?”

She sniffles, “I…almost told you a few times.”

“Why didn't you?”

“Because I knew you didn't feel the same. And…could never feel the same. You only like boys, right?”

“Yes.”

“So what would be the point in telling you? It would just make you feel bad and put a strain on our friendship.” She sighs, “And I thought it would go away eventually. And to be honest, it started to.  Like…since Chiyo has been around more, I haven’t felt it as much. I was able to help when you wanted to talk about Daiki and stuff. But…hearing that you two are together…” 

She trails off and sniffles, so I finish for her.

“It hurts?”

She sighs, “Y-yeah. Even though…you had said you didn't like girls. I had this tiny glimmer of hope…that maybe one day we’d be together. Like…maybe since you hadn't had a boyfriend yet maybe…maybe you liked girls and you didn't know yet.” She sniffles a few times, “I know that's dumb. I know it doesn't make sense and isn't even possible.”

I start to sniffle too, “I-I’m so sorry, Akane.”

I hear her stand up. She opens the stall door and glares down at me. She sharpens her voice as tears stream down her face, “Don’t you dare apologize. I’m the one who should be. You’re my b-best friend, and you just started dating a great guy. A guy who is in the hospital and this is my response?” She wipes her tears and holds her moist fingers out to me while looking disgusted with herself. “To cry!? To think about myself first!? I can’t even support you? You’ve done so much for me, and this is how I repay your kindness?! By moping? I-I'm awful…I…I don’t even deserve to be your friend…” Finally the tears she has been fighting overwhelm her and she falls to her knees and starts to sob. It reminds me of the night Misha broke up with her.

I put my arms around her and hold her head to my chest as she continues to cry, “I-I've been where you are right now. With that boy at my old school. I reacted the same way. Put on a brave face in front of him, but then ran off to the bathroom to cry. I felt the same way, like I was a bad friend. Like I was selfish. But…you can't help how you feel. And you aren't a bad friend. You’re a great friend. You're my best friend.”

She puts her arms around my waist and looks up at me, “I should b-be able to put my feelings aside for you. To just…be happy for you.”

“You're trying your best. You came in here to cry so I wouldn’t know you were upset. And then you were going to be supportive, weren’t you?”

“Y-yeah…”

“See?”

“I guess. It would have been better if I had been able to completely conceal my feelings though. Then you wouldn’t have followed me. I underestimated you. I thought you'd be too dense to notice. You have been so far.” She half-laughs and half-sniffles.

“W-well…I won’t deny I’m a little dense about this sort of thing. But…I also believed you when you told me you didn’t feel this way, so I never considered it after that.”

She sniffles and hugs me tight, “I'm sorry for lying.”

“It's okay. I’m glad you told me. I never told that boy back home. And I regret that. I didn't want you to feel the same.”

“You're right…just telling you made me feel a little better.” She groans, “Freaking Chiyo figured it out like two weeks after we made up. She told me to just tell you how I felt. Guess she was right. Don't tell her , though.”

I laugh, “I won't. I am glad you two have been talking about it, though.” I get serious and lock eyes with her,  "I want you to know…this doesn't mean you're not good enough, okay?”

She sniffles and smiles up at me, “Y-yeah…you've helped me see that before. I know I'm good enough.”

I squeeze her, “You're way more than just good enough. You're my best friend, okay? This doesn't change that.”

She nods and then looks up at me and tearfully says, “I…really am so happy for you. And I do think Daiki's great. I want you to be happy more than I want just about anything. And I can tell you are. I'll support you every step of the way. I just…also needed to have a mental breakdown about it.”

“I understand.”

She nods and lets go of me and gets some toilet paper to wipe her face, and blows her nose. 

Then we go back to class together.

It's Sunday. I'm about to go spend the day at the hospital with Daiki. But I wanted to stop to see Akane before I do.

Things have been good between us since she confessed. But I'm still worried about her. I can't help but remember how it felt seeing Tomoya and Kotomi together as a couple.

I knock on her door and hear, “Misha? Did you forget something?”

“Um…I-it's Nagisa.”

A very flustered Akane replies, “O-oh! Um…hang on a sec.”

I wait for about a minute.

“Okay, come in.”

When I go in, I find her sitting on her bed in crumpled pajamas. Her face is bright red and her hair is a mess. The room also has a different sort of smell than usual.

I don't know much about this sort of thing, but I think I might know what's going on.

“Are you and Misha together again?”

She turns bright red and bashfully shakes her head, “We…just um… we…” She sighs and then quietly says “…spent the night together…”

“Oh.”

She sighs, “I’m really stupid, huh?”

“N-no…you’re not. I-if…being with her helps you, then you should do it.”

She scoffs, “Sure, but sleeping with my ex? Not my brightest move. Not that I had a long list of options…” She chuckles awkwardly. “It was kind of a surreal night, honestly. I called her over, fully intending to just have meaningless sex – which we did . But afterwards, I spilled my guts to her about you. Then we held each other and cried and talked about the straight girls we’re in love with. I know that sounds weird but…it was kind of nice. For both of us. I think we’ll probably do it again. Kind of…twisted, isn't it?”

“W-well...I can see why it would be nice. You two have a lot in common.” I sigh, doing my best to hold back tears from hearing about hers.

 “W-would getting some space from me help?”

She doesn't hesitate, “No. We don't really have that much time left together. I don't want to waste it. I’ll get space when we graduate.”

I start to sniffle, and she smiles and puts her hand on my arm.

“I know you’re really sweet and tender-hearted and you care a lot about me.  And that you hate that I’m hurting. These are some of the many reasons I love you. But please stop crying about me, okay? You just started a new relationship. Your first relationship. With a great guy. You deserve to be happy, and not weighed down by this. I’m gonna be okay, I promise.”

I wipe my tears, “I-I am happy, too. I can be happy a-and…worried about how you're doing at the same time.”

She laughs, “I suppose you can. After all, I'm really happy for you and…also sad about it.” She sighs, “I guess… I need to stop telling you I'm upset about it. That's probably best for both of us.”

I shake my head.

“W-we talk about everything. I don't want that to change.”

“I know we do, but this one thing probably doesn't need to be a regular topic, you know? I can talk to Misha about it. Or…even Chiyo.”

“O-okay. If that's what you want.”

“It is. One last thing, though. Does…Daiki know?”

I shake my head, “H-he doesn't need to know your secret.”

She nods and thinks for a moment, “You have my permission to tell him. I trust him to keep it to himself. It wouldn't be good to hide it from him. I…basically confessed to you yesterday. He should know about…my feelings.”

I sigh, “O-okay. I’ll tell him, then.” I stand up. “I'm gonna go to the hospital. I promise I'll come back for dinner, though. He'll probably make me.”

She laughs, “Okay. That's good. Any idea when he will get discharged?”

“Maybe at the end of the week.”

“Okay. Maybe I'll come by later? I haven't seen the big guy since he's been in there. I feel kind of bad about it.”

I nod, “He’d be happy to see you.”

…

“H-hey Akane.”

I've been with Daiki at the hospital for a few hours. Akane just got here for her visit. Daiki greeted her very awkwardly.

She laughs and looks at me and then back at Daiki, “So, she told you, then?”

He raises his eyebrows, “How can you already tell?”

“Because you just said ‘hey’ to me in a way you never have in three years.” She lowers her voice, “Is your weirdness because I'm gay , or because we're…in love with the same person.”

He sighs, “Both. I guess. I mean…I don't have a problem with gay people. I was just surprised…is all. I mean…I didn't expect it from you .” He cringes at himself, “N-not that there is any way I should expect a lesbian to be.” He sighs and his large shoulders droop, “Sorry. I'll stop talking. I um…blame the medication?”

I laugh at how flustered he is and so does Akane, “I told him about 5 minutes ago. So…it's new.”

She puts a hand on his shoulder, “It's okay Daiki.”

He nods, “A-anyway. I think it’s even more surprising…that you're in love with Nagisa. That's why I'm extra flustered.”

She frowns and takes her arm off his shoulder. She looks at me and there's a hint of panic in her eyes. She looks back to Daiki and starts wringing her hands, “Do you…want me to go?”

She thinks he might not want me to be friends with her now. I hadn't considered that. I can't imagine Daiki feels that way, though.

Still, I feel my body tense up a little at seeing Akane this way.

He shakes his head, “I'm…okay with all of it. Just surprised.”

Akane relaxes and so do I, “Fair enough. I want you…a-and both of you, to know that I'll never do anything to…undermine your relationship or anything. I'm…not a rival. I'm really happy for both of you and…my own stuff isn't going to get in the way of that.”

“O-of course you won't. We trust you.”

Akane laughs, “I know you do. But…he kind of needs to say it too.”

“I trust you too. I… am sorry, though. I'm sure it hurts…to feel that way.”

She rolls her eyes, “Jeez, you two really do belong together. Your children are going to grow up to be literal saints.”

I feel my face flush and Daiki looks away from both of us.

Akane laughs at our reactions, “But seriously …it means a lot that you both are trying to see things from my side. Thanks. But…I think we can all be friends, don't you?”

I nod and so does Daiki. Akane laughs, “I do have one joke I have to make though.”

Daiki and I exchange a look and then Daiki says, “O-okay. What is it?”

She laughs, “You beat me on all the tests and you got the girl of my dreams? Doesn't seem fair.”

Daiki and I look at one another and then we both laugh awkwardly.

Akane sighs, “Yeah okay, it wasn't that funny. They say things can be funny because they are true, but…that was a little too real, wasn't it?”

Chapter Text

It's lunchtime. Earlier today, I remembered that I promised Lilly I would stop by for lunch to talk more about the play. With everything that happened with Daiki, it was easy to forget. So, I decided I'd go have lunch with her today.

I knock on the door to the room where I visited her at lunchtime before. When I do, I hear the sound of something shattering.

Worried, I push it open and say “L-Lilly? Is everything okay?”

When I open the door, I see someone I really didn't expect to see. It's Hanako, standing stockstill with eyes as wide as saucers and a broken tea cup at her feet. It looks like there was tea in it, too.

Lilly is seated at the table with her back to me, She gently says, “Ah…Nagisa. Thank you for coming by, but could you perhaps come another time?”

Hanako's face relaxes a little when Lilly says my name.

“U-um…yes, of course. Before I go, though…do you want help cleaning that up?”

Hanako relaxes a little more and nods slightly. She walks over to the cupboards in the room and pulls out some paper towels, which she hands me. Then she gets a small broom and dust pan.

She walks over to where the mess is and carefully picks up the large pieces of the cup and throws them away, before sweeping up the smaller pieces. Once her work is done, I start wiping up the spilled tea. I walk over to the trash and throw away the used paper towels before washing my hands.

As I wash my hands, Hanako goes over to the table and bows her head and I can just barely hear her say, “I-I'm really sorry, Lilly…I b-broke your cup”

Lilly smiles warmly at her, “It's nothing to worry about, Hanako. These things happen.” Then she says, “You're still here, right Nagisa?”

I turn around while drying my hands with a paper towel, “U-um yes, sorry. Just drying my hands and I'll go.”

Lilly looks very confused. Not something I've seen on her elegant features before. She looks like she's weighing whether to say something.

“Hanako, do you know Nagisa?”

She nods and then gets embarrassed about it. “Y-yes. We have t-talked a few times.”

This is probably the most relaxed I've ever seen Hanako. I'm glad the two of them have become friends.  

“Would it be okay for her to join us, Hanako?”

Hanako puts her right hand over the right side of her face. Then she looks at me and then back at Lilly. She hesitates but then says, “Y-yes.”

We all get settled at the table. I sit across from Lilly. Hanako sits on the same side as me but as far from me as possible, with her right side facing the wall.

“I must say, I didn't realize there was someone else you felt this comfortable with, Hanako.”

If she weren't blind, I think she'd see that Hanako isn't exactly comfortable. But I guess Daiki said she doesn't talk to anyone.

I think I see a hint of annoyance on her face for just a moment, “U-um, yes. W-we talked about the p-play.”

“That's right. She was in the library when I was looking for plays, and she suggested Living with Father . And she came to one of our dress rehearsals and gave me feedback.”

Lilly nods and smiles, “That's great Hanako. Well done. I'm proud of you.”

This time she looks a little more annoyed, but then it goes away and she smiles ever so slightly, “Th-thank you, Lilly.”

“Speaking of the play, it really was quite remarkable, Nagisa. I was impressed with all of the actors’ dialects, and the emotion you conveyed with your voices was…very moving.”

“Thank you. It means a lot to me that so many people enjoyed it.”

Lilly nods, “The performances were excellent and the subject matter is…something we can all relate to, I think.” For a moment Lilly's eyebrows knit together, “Family is important. And it is very hard to lose them.”

I nod, “Yes, I thought it was a beautiful story. I'm glad Hanako suggested it.”

Lilly nods, “Yes, she is quite well read. I've enjoyed her suggestions too.”

“A-are you going to be an actress?”

I'm a little startled at the question coming from Hanako. 

This is a question I really need to think about. I can join the same acting troupe as Ken and Chiyo, and now that they're together, I think she would be happy for me to go. But I'm not sure if it's what I want to do. I liked acting. But I don’t know if I love it. Everything with Daiki has made it harder for me to find the time to think about it.

“S-sorry.”

“Huh?”

Lilly laughs softly, “You've been quiet for quite a while. Hanako was apologizing in case you were upset by her question.”

I smile at Hanako, “Not upset. But…it was a very good question. I think…maybe I'll do that. But I'm not really sure. I need to figure that out.”

I'm in class but it's pretty hard to focus. Daiki is getting discharged from the hospital tomorrow and I'm very excited. Both because he is doing so much better and because it will be nice to spend time together somewhere other than the hospital.

As I'm leaving class for lunch, I'm surprised when Mr. Suzuki calls out to me.

“Furukawa, would you mind coming to the teacher's room this afternoon? Say around 4?”

I turn around and nod, “Y-yessir, I can do that.”

He's never asked me this before. I must be in trouble. Did he notice I was spacing out?

Maybe he’s mad I missed class to be with Daiki at the hospital?

…

“Ah, Furukawa. Please, have a seat.”

I'm in the teachers’ room for my meeting. I've been nervous about it since lunch. Mr. Suzuki has a chair next to his desk that I haven't seen before. I take a seat as he asked, still feeling unsure about why he asked me to come here. I clench my eyes shut.

Dorayaki .

“Would you like some tea? Or something else to drink?”

I shake my head and shift nervously in my chair.

Mr. Suzuki chuckles, “I know that look. But you're not in trouble, Furukawa. Quite the opposite, really. Try and relax.”

I open my eyes and look at him. He's smiling warmly as he often does. I let myself relax thanks to his words and demeanor.

“That’s better.” He clears his throat before continuing,  “So, as you know, I'm your homeroom teacher. And part of my responsibility is to help you decide what you'd like to do once you graduate. And it's almost time to start applying and taking exams. Have you given it any thought?”

I clench my eyes shut again.

This might be worse than being in trouble. I'm always so embarrassed that I'm older than my peers and so lost when it comes to this.

“N-not…too much. I am considering joining an acting troupe I was invited to join.”

Mr. Suzuki smiles, “Oh, that's wonderful! Your performance was a tour de force, so I'm not surprised.”

“Th-thank you, sir. But…something about doing that doesn't feel right to me. I don't think I love it enough.”

He nods, “Nothing wrong with that. What other options have you considered?”

“Well, my parents own a bakery in my hometown, I'll probably go back home and work there.”

He strokes his beard for a moment and nods, “It’s an admirable thing to have a family business. Do you like running a bakery?”

I nod, “I do. And I love my family. I'm glad my health is better, so I can be more helpful.”

“Then that certainly sounds like a good option. Have you considered university at all?”

I don't hesitate, “No.”

He chuckles, “It doesn't appeal to you, then?”

“I don't think I'm smart enough to keep on studying after high school.”

He raises his eyebrows and frowns, “Whoever gave you that idea?”

I shrug, “I've never been m-more than an average student. So, I guess my grades gave me that idea.”

He studies me for a moment, “It's true that many of your marks would be considered average. Especially on exams. But you my dear, are anything but average.”

“Huh?”

He smiles, “You're a very gifted writer. One of the best I’ve taught.”

I blink several times, thinking that I must have heard him wrong.

He laughs wryly, “It’s probably my fault you don't know that. I’m not exactly timely about getting your papers back to you, am I?”

“Y-you…think I’m a good writer?” I ask, to confirm I’m not imagining this.

He nods, “Of course. Your written assignments for class have been exemplary. But what impresses me the most is your work in drama club.”

I feel my pride drain right out of me.

Well, that explains why he thinks I'm so great.

“Y-you…know I didn't write the play, right?”

He chuckles, “Yes, of course. I'm quite familiar with Living With Father. That's why I'm so impressed.

“I…I don't understand. Then you know I didn't write it.”

“Yes. But as I understand it, you reworked the play and made the father into a mother, right? You're responsible for all the rewrites?”

I nod slowly, still feeling very unsure I deserve his praise.

He puts his hand on my shoulder, “In some ways, rewriting a play as much as you did, but still making it feel like the original author's work is more impressive than writing a play from scratch. And you did an excellent job.”

I blink several times again, surprised by his praise. “Th-thank you, sir.”

He nods, “You're very welcome. So, you'll consider writing?”

I have really loved all the writing assignments in his class. I just didn't know he thought they were so good. And rewriting the play was hard but also really rewarding. I didn't realize I had done anything special, though. 

I smile at him, “I…I think I will really consider it. Now…that you mention it, I really did enjoy working on the script. And writing poems in your class. More than acting. More than working at the bakery. But until now I…somehow didn't think about the fact I could write for a career.”

He laughs, “Yes, you certainly can. And worse comes to worse, you can always become a teacher like me.” He chuckles, “Well, not ‘like me,’ I have a feeling you'd be a good deal more responsible.”

I smile at him, “Thank you so much, sir. This meeting was very helpful. You've been a very good teacher. Even if you are always late.”

He chuckles, “Why, thank you. Would you like me to get some information together for you about places you might consider applying?”

I nod, “I would.”

He grins, “Great. I'll get them to you soon.” He winks, “And not just ‘soon’ by my standards.”

...

It's time for my usual evening call with my parents. I'm a little nervous about what I have to tell them tonight. I'm just not sure how they will feel about this. I'm not entirely sure how I feel either, though. So talking to them will help.

After we exchange our usual greetings and small talk about the day. I take a deep breath and say, “My homeroom teacher thinks I'm good at writing…a-and suggested I consider going to university.”

My announcement is met with silence. I clench my eyes shut. I can almost see my dad scowling at me with crossed arms and his cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

Before too long, my mom replies in her usual upbeat tone,  “I think that sounds wonderful, Nagisa! I'm so proud.”

“Th-thank you. Um…what do you think, dad?”

He sighs and sounds more than a little dejected, “Is this because of that boy? He really is taking you away from me, isn't he?”

“N-no. Not really. I haven't even talked to him about it yet. I wanted to talk to you first. I haven't made a decision. I-it's okay if you need me to come and help at the bakery instead.”

My mother says, “Hang on just a moment, Nagisa.”

“O-okay.”

I hear them put the phone down, and I can tell they are talking. But I can't make anything out. After about a minute they pick up the phone again and my dad breaks out his serious voice, “Is this your dream, Nagisa?”

“I…I'm not sure. But…I think it could be. I really like writing. And I really like plays. More than almost anything. It would be…beautiful if I could write something someday that drama clubs perform.”

My mom says, “That sounds like a very good dream to me.”

My dad sighs, “Yes. It does. If that's what you want to do, we'll support you. Will you go to university far away from us?”

“Um…I don't know yet. I need to talk Daiki and my homeroom teacher about it.”

My dad sighs again, “This boy . Is he part of your dream, too?”

I feel my cheeks flush, and I am very thankful they can't see that, “H-he is, yes.”

“I suppose I'll accept him too, then. But whatever you do, you have to visit home a lot! 

And…make sure you write a role for your old man in your first big play, okay?”

“You're sure you don’t want to come home for a day or two to recuperate?”

Daiki sighs, “Yes, for the fifth time, mom. I'm sure.”

Daiki is getting discharged from the hospital in a few hours. His parents are here.

His mother frowns, “I guess there is a downside to this whole girlfriend thing.” She grins and looks at me, “Although I can see why'd you want this cutie taking care of you instead.”

My cheeks flush and I look away from her, “Um, I'll take good care of him.”

Mr. Matsuzaka responds, “We know you will.”

Daiki sighs, “You're all talking like I'm not here. I don't need that much taking care of to begin with.”

His outburst makes me and his mom giggle.

He's right. His activity has to be limited to help his bones heal, but he can do most stuff as long as he doesn't overdo it. But we all know how stubborn he is, so we're worried.

...

Daiki just got into his bed in his dorm room. Getting him there was painful for him. His ribs are especially painful when he's walking. It took a lot out of him. But at least now he's lying down. He looks happy to be in his dorm room.

Once he's settled, I find myself looking around his room in awe.

He laughs and lets out a pained grunt when he does. I frown at him, “Are you okay?”

He nods, “Laughing just hurts.”

“Why were you laughing?”

“Because you were cute. Just looking around the room like it was some amazing thing. I forgot you hadn't been here.”

Daiki's room isn't like any of the Yamaku dorms I've been to. It's twice the size, and he has a much larger bed, desk, and chair.

“Y-yeah. I mean, I never thought about the fact you'd need a special room. And furniture.” I practically have to climb to get into his chair and once I do my legs aren't even close to the ground. I kick my legs to emphasize that fact.

He laughs and then groans again, “God, I miss IV meds.”

I look through the bag of medication on his desk and pull out a bottle, “It's time for you to take your next dose anyway.”

He sighs, “I'm gonna fall asleep if I take that.”

“That's okay. You won't hurt if you do.” I grab a bottle of water we brought with us and bring him the pill.

“Yeah…but still. We're finally out of the hospital and we have privacy. But it's just like…a change of venue. I'm still stuck in bed.”

I frown as I hold out the pill, “I know. But…it won't be forever.”

He takes the pill and swallows it, “That's true. But I wish we could do something…romantic.”

“Well…we can be romantic even with you in bed, can't we?”

His cheeks flush and for a moment I'm not sure why. Then it hits me, and I feel my face burning as I look away.

“I-I didn't mean…that.”

He chuckles, “What did you mean?”

I look down at him lying in bed and my heart starts beating fast. I even feel a little lightheaded.

What's the big deal? We already did this once.

But I guess it was a spur of the moment thing, not something I thought about. 

I take a deep breath, like bringing in air will give me more courage. Then I smile and say, “This.”

I bend down, close my eyes, and put my lips on his. I apply a little pressure with them. I enjoy the warm feeling of his soft lips against mine. It's nice being so close to him.

This time I don't have to worry about hurting his lips. So it's a much better kiss.

He puts an arm around me, and I find I enjoy that contact. I reach my hand out and put it on his shoulder, careful to stay away from anywhere he might hurt. After a few minutes of this, I find I want to be closer.

I break the kiss and he gives me a goofy smile that makes me smile back. 

Just before I can suggest it he asks, “Will you take a nap with me?”

I nod and I get into the bed next to him. My heart starts beating even faster.

I've never been in a boy's bed before. Daiki has sat on my bed before, but that’s much different than this.

I lay on my side facing him, and he puts his arm around me and rests his hand on my back I scoot a little closer to him. 

At first my heart starts beating even faster, but then I find I feel very comfortable being this close with him.

…

My phone starts to vibrate. It pulls me out of a deep sleep. I feel confused and disoriented at first, but then smile when I see Daiki sleeping soundly next to me. 

My phone keeps buzzing and I'm worried it might wake him up. When I get it out, I feel a little nervous when I see who is calling me. The display on my phone says ‘Tomoya Okazaki.’”

I step out into the hall and answer, “Hello.”

He replies, “Hello there! How've ya been, Nagisa?”

“U-um good, how are you?”

“Good, good. I was just checking in again to see if you'd be back home this summer at all. Kotomi and I would love to see you.”

“Oh um…I probably won't. My boyfriend is having knee surgery, so I'll be in Sendai.”

Tomoya whistles, “Look at you, snagging yourself a boyfriend. My little Nagisa is all grown up!”

I sigh, “I should have known you'd say something silly about it.”

“Haha yep! You should have. Well, I hope his surgery goes well, and we'll see you some other time, okay?”

“Okay. Have a good summer. I'll let you know next time I'm back home. I want to see you guys too.”

“Sounds great, see ya, Nagisa.”

I hang up and exhale as I look down at my phone. I smile when I see the dango charm Daiki gave me. Then I go back into his room, and get in bed next to him with a smile on my face.

In just five months at Yamaku, I got my medical condition under control, made many wonderful friends, fell in love, and finally found a dream to aim for. I'm very glad I made myself walk up the hill on my first day.

Chapter Text

Ken frowns, “I'm sorry, Nagisa. I know this was important to you.”

“Yeah…it was. But it's okay.”

My boyfriend laughs, “You're taking this better than I expected.”

Chiyo nods and tilts her head, “Seriously. Are you sure it's not denial?”

I'm with my fellow clubmates in the auditorium. We're all sitting on the stage. We had an informational meeting and demonstration planned today. It was our last attempt at recruiting drama club members. With all of our exams, we only managed to do two of them. And no one came to either.

I shrug, “I would like it if drama club continues. I would prefer that. B-but it's okay if it doesn't. There are other wonderful clubs here, so people will keep working together towards a common goal. That's what matters most.”

Daiki nods and takes my hand with a smile, “I always love your optimism. What you said just now isn't that far from what you said the first time the four of us were together.”

Chiyo smirks, “And this time I won't yell at you.”

Ken smirks, “Thank goodness you've grown.”

Chiyo narrows her eyes are him, “Oh, come on! She's so sweet it's hard to believe sometimes! I don't blame past me for thinking she was being sarcastic.”

I feel my face getting red as they continue to talk about me.

“I-I'm not that sweet.”

Daiki smiles at me, “You are though. Sweet and caring. And genuine about it. It’s what first drew me to you.”

I smile at my boyfriend, who also happens to be very sweet.

Chiyo rolls her eyes, “Yeah, yeah. You are two sweet peas in a pod.”

Ken laughs, “They really are.”

Daiki says, “Anyway - we got off topic, as we often do. Drama club might not be gone forever. Someone could start it up again, like we did.”

Ken nods, “That's true. Unlike our predecessors, why don't we leave something behind for any future members?”

Chiyo scoffs, “The old members left a ton of stuff for us.”

Ken nods, “I don't mean stuff , I mean writing something to tell them who we are. Tell them what drama club meant to us. Stuff like that. Not just a room full of junk.”

I jump to my feet and head to the steps, “Th-that's a good idea! Let's go!”

As I get down from the stage and head for the club room I hear Chiyo sigh and say, “What did you just get us into?”

…

We're in the club room now, sitting at our usual table. I have a pen and notepad out as we're brainstorming what we should write for future members of drama club.

Daiki says, “Well, you're the one going to Tokyo University of the Arts for writing. I think you should do it.”

I scoff and cross my arms, “I'll do most of it. But each of you need to write something too about what you got out of drama club. Or at least tell me and I'll write it down.” 

Chiyo laughs and takes Ken's hand, “We all found love in drama club. That's kind of funny. Maybe we should have advertised it as a dating service.”

Daiki chuckles, “We probably would have gotten more people interested, that's for sure. But then we would have had competition.”

Ken laughs, “Or…more option- Ow!” He rubs his arm where Chiyo just punched him. “Jeez, it was just a joke.” 

She scoffs, “Yeah, a bad one.”

“You know I only have…well, not eyes but…all my other senses for you.”

Daiki laughs and shakes his head at them. After that, I manage to get them all to focus and we write a little essay about our time in drama club.

Dear future drama club members,

Hello! We are the drama club members from the class of 2007. Unfortunately, all of us are graduating this year and we didn't manage to recruit any new members. So, we decided to leave behind a little welcome message, and tell you what drama club meant to us.

If you're reading this, it means you're probably in the costume shop that is also our clubroom. We aren't the ones who left most of this stuff here, we inherited it too! And like you, we started the club up after a hiatus, so we have no idea where most of it came from. But there's a lot of useful stuff here, if you're willing to dig through it. 

In here you'll find most of what you need to do a play, including lights, costumes, sewing machines, and carpentry tools. We did our best to leave the important stuff out for you.

It's wonderful that you are all interested in theater. You and your club mates will work together towards a common goal, and that’s something that will bring you all closer together. We hope you enjoy drama club as much as we did.

Now, each of the four members will introduce themselves and tell you a little something about our time in the club.

My name's Nagisa, and my clubmates are making me do most of the writing. But that's because being in drama club helped me discover how much I love to write. I'm even studying it at university. At the beginning of the year I had no idea what to do after graduation, so that's one of the things I'll always cherish about drama club.

I'm Chiyo. Don't let Nagisa trick you into thinking she's just a writer, she's an amazing actress too! She just chose writing instead. Anyway, I'm also an actress and I'll be joining a professional troupe after graduation. Drama club helped me discover how much I love acting, and my club mates helped make me better. 

I'm Ken. Like Chiyo, I'm also joining an acting troupe. Unlike my fellow members, I'm blind, and that was a bit of a hurdle. But I really wanted to be an actor anyway. Without the support of my friends in drama club, I probably would have given up. I guess I'm saying…whatever your disability is, don't let it make you think you can't be an actor!

And lastly there's me - Daiki. You've probably been wondering who did all the stuff that isn't acting or writing, and that’s me! I directed our plays, designed and built the sets, and did all the lighting and sound. Unlike the other three, I'm not continuing with a career in theater. But it's not because I don't love it! I've just always loved building things and solving problems, and drama club was a great way for me to do that. I'll be studying engineering at university, and drama club gave me lots of hands-on experience. My fellow club members are my closest friends, and I'll always value the time we spent together in this room.

P.S. - We also all fell in love in drama club. So if you think one of your club mates is cute, there's a precedent for that working out. Good luck!

P.P.S. - There’s a good chance your adviser won’t be much help, so we left our contact information, just in case you need some advice.

“Okay. You have your pen and notepad, right?”

I hold them up, “Yep.”

Graduation is in two days and now that all the exams are over, Akane and I finally found a good time for me to meet her family. We're having dinner at their house and staying over tonight.

She's been helping me learn sign language and I’ve practiced with her, Shizune, and Misha as much as I can. But I'm still not very good.

I'm very excited to meet her family. But also nervous because of the language barrier.

She nods at me and points to the side of her head, “I'm gonna take this stuff off. And remember while we're in there I can't speak. And you shouldn't either, ideally. You have the note pad if… when you aren't following.”

I nod.

She removes her equipment from both ears and both sides of her scalp, and puts them all in the pocket of her cardigan. She nods, and then pushes what looks like a doorbell. I'm confused by this at first, but then I see lights flashing inside.

I start to feel nervous, but I take a deep breath and whisper, “Dorayaki.”

Then the door opens and I see a short, smiling woman. She has her chestnut hair in a bun and her eyes are almost the same color. She's wearing an apron over her dress. She is flanked on one side by a young girl who has dark hair like Akane, but light brown eyes like her mother.

She looks about 9. She must be the older of the two sisters. Akane calls her Miki-chan.

The woman gestures for us to come in, and we step inside and take off our shoes.  They quickly sign to one another, and I'm able to pick up enough of it to piece together the general meaning.

<<It’s nice to see you. We will have a lovely evening together.>>

The little girl tugs on Akane's sleeve and is smiling ear to ear and excitedly signing at the same time. I have a hard time picking anything up, but I think I caught, <<Come on!>>

I'm more able to understand Akane than the others. I think it helps that I know her body language and mannerisms. Plus, she's the person I have signed the most with. She's also more aware of my limitations since she's my teacher, so I bet she uses more basic words than she normally would.

She pats her little sister on the head and then signs, <<I'm happy to see you too! This is my friend I told you about.>> She spells out the letters of my name while her second little sister runs up and tugs on her skirt. She has her dark hair in twin tails.

She’s 6 and called Mai-chan.

Akane's stepmom turns and smiles very warmly at me and starts signing much slower than before, <<You are learning sign language?>>

I nod and sign back, <<Akane is teaching me. I'm not very good yet. But I'm trying my best.>>

She smiles and signs even slower than she did before, <<It is very nice that you are learning. Do you want to teach sign language too?>>

I shake my head, <<She is my best friend. Wanted to learn her language. And be able to talk to her family.>>

Her smile gets even warmer and she gives my shoulder a squeeze just as I see Akane get dragged off by her sisters. She shoots me a look that says ‘Sorry.’

Akane's stepmother signs, <<You are a very nice girl.>>

I reply, <<Thank you. Do you need help cooking?>>

She shakes her head and points towards the living room, where Akane is sitting with the youngest sister in her lap and the other is behind her with her arms wrapped around her shoulders. She's signing something to them and they are both giggling. It's a very cute sight that makes me a little sad I'm an only child.

I nod thankfully to Mrs. Kuwa and head to the living room. When I do, the younger of the two girls hides behind Akane. But the older of the two girls runs up to me and signs something so fast that I don't know what she said. She looks as confused as I do when I don't respond. She looks at Akane who signs, <<Slower.>>

Her sister nods and signs, <<I'm Miki-chan.>>

I reply, <<Nice to meet you. I'm Nagisa.>>

Miki smirks at Akane and then signs something quickly, and I'm pretty sure I picked up <<Are you her friend?>>

I nod and Miki smiles mischievously and looks to Akane, who shakes her head.

<<She's being rude. She asked if you were my girl friend. Not just friend .>> She shows me the difference between the two. Then she signs something quickly at Miki. Based on her reaction, she must have scolded her.

Miki gingerly walks back up to me and signs, <<I'm sorry.>>

<<That’s okay. It was funny.>>

Akane is about to sign something to me but then takes my pen and note pad and writes, “Don't encourage her! They are always asking if I have a girlfriend.”

I laugh, and write “Sorry. It's nice they ask, isn't it? It means they want you to find someone.”

She sighs, <<I guess that's true.>> 

After that Miki-chan runs off to her room and comes back with a board game she wants us to play. She holds up the box with a flourish like she's offering it to us as a prize on a game show. It's the game of Life, which I haven't played in a long time. When Mai sees it she gets excited too and runs up to her sister, forgetting that she was being so shy around me.

Akane looks at me and I nod and she turns to her sisters, <<Okay, we'll play.>>

…

We've been playing for awhile now. Luckily everything that happens is written on the board or on little cards we draw, so the language barrier hasn't been too tough.

Akane signs, <<Time to get married. Hand me a peg for my car.>>

Mai picks up the blue peg, but then I shake my head at her and hand her the pink one.

This makes her sisters laugh. Akane shoots them a brief glare and then takes her pink peg and puts it in the car, which now has two pink pegs in the front.

She looks embarrassed while she signs, <<Thank you.>>

When it's Miki's turn to get married, I go to hand her the blue peg and she shakes her head. I look at Akane who looks dumbfounded, <<Just take it.>>

She shakes her head, <<I want pink.>>

Akane lets out a frustrated huff and looks at me and then back to Miki, <<Why? Are you teasing me?>>

<<No.>>

Akane's eyebrows shoot up, <<You..want a wife someday? Not a husband?>>

Miki shrugs, <<I don’t know. I'm 9. But for the game I want a pink peg. Like you.>>

A flustered Akane signs, <<Okay then.>>

I smile at Akane and hand Miki-chan the peg and she's very excited to put it in her car.

When it's Mai-chan's turn to get married, she does the same thing. It makes me smile to see how accepting her family is of who she really is.

She does have a lot of influence on these little girls. It makes sense her dad is so worried about her wearing her hearing equipment here. If this is any indication, they might be asking for  surgery by the end of the night.

…

Akane’s dad got home a minute ago, not long after we finished our game. The family went to greet him, but I stayed in the living room. Normally I'd know I should go introduce myself because the conversation is over, but that’s a lot harder to tell when I can't hear any talking. The longer I sit here, the more nervous I get. I know he and Akane have their rough patches, so it makes me worry he won't like me.

He HAS been supportive since their big fight though. She's even going to Tokyo Gakugei to study education, not to Tsukuba like he wanted. And he's paying for it.

Just as I'm convincing myself he won't hate me, Akane comes into the living room with her father. I stand up off the ground and bow my head to him. Then I remember Akane telling me not to bow as long as I would with people who can hear, since it makes it hard for us to communicate. So I look back up at him after a short bow.

Akane smiles at me and signs, <<This is Nagisa.>>

Her father looks almost exactly how I pictured him when Akane told me stories. He's a tall man with excellent posture and a stern expression on his face. He has very short salt and pepper hair and thick eyebrows that are at a severe angle. It makes him look angry, even though I don't think he is right now.

I'm worried at first. But then he gives me a small smile and a nod and I feel a lot better.

He starts signing very quickly, but then stops himself and starts over.

<<It's nice to meet you. The little ones said they had fun playing with you.>> 

<<I had fun playing with them too, sir.>>

He looks at his daughter, <<’Sir.’I like that. You should be more polite, like Nagisa.>>

Akane rolls her eyes, <<You're making me look bad.>>

<<Well, my sign language isn't very good. I'm sure I'll say something rude at some point.>>

Her father smiles, <<You're doing just fine.>>

…

Just as we are setting the table for dinner, I see a light on the ceiling flash brightly. Akane turns to me and signs, <<It’s my mom.>> Then she signals for me to follow her.

I'm confused at first, and then realize that must be their doorbell that I saw from outside earlier.

Akane's mom lives further from Yamaku, so she's staying here for a couple nights before graduation. It's really nice that everyone gets along.

I follow Akane to the door, who throws it open and immediately wraps her mother in a hug. Her mom looks a little startled, but returns the hug with a smile after putting down her bags.

She's a tall woman, though not as tall as Akane. She keeps her hair very short but apart from that looks a lot like her daughter. They have the same eyes, they both wear glasses, and they have the same smile. Mrs. Fujiwara has a more athletic build than her daughter, though.

Akane lets her in the door and introduces me to her. She smiles, <<She has told me a lot about you. It's nice to finally meet.>> I'm surprised when she hugs me before I can respond.

After that we help her take her bags to the guest room. I notice one of them is long and narrow, and I become very curious what it could be. But I realize it would be rude to ask.

Then we enjoy a nice hot pot dinner. I am surprised that there wasn't very much discussion at dinner. But then I realize that with everyone using their hands to eat, it's a lot harder to talk at dinner time for people who use sign language. After dinner though, the two little girls run off to take a bath while the rest of us talk. Well, I try my best to. When people sign directly to me, they slow down, but when the discussion is all around the table, I have a hard time.

Right now I think Mr. Kuwa is asking Akane's mom about…something Mai wants to study, maybe?

Just as I'm trying to follow, Akane smiles at me and takes my notepad. She observes her parents talking and then writes down, “Mai-chan wants to do kendo and my mom competed in it in high school and university. She still does kendo almost every day. So she's going to do a little lesson with Mai tomorrow.”

Well, at least I got part of it. That also explains Mrs. Fujiwara's strange bag.  

I take the notepad and write, “That's cool!”

Akane nods and writes, “I did it some when I was little. But I am not very coordinated. It was rough. Athletics and Akane don't mix.”

I smile at her comment, and she writes, “I'll summarize the conversation here when I can, okay?”

I nod, thankful that she's helping me understand everything.

They continue discussing kendo a bit longer, and then Akane's mom turns to me and signs something.

I picked up ‘study’ and ‘writing’ so I think I know what she is asking about. 

Akane signs something to her mother and then writes, “She wants to know how you decided to study writing at university.”

I take a deep breath, since it’s not a short simple answer. But I try anyway, limiting it to as few words as I can. I am very slow and have to stop time to time to find the right sign, and Akane helps me a few times. But the whole time everyone at the table is patient and listening.

<<I have always loved plays. And I joined drama club. I rewrote part of our play and I really liked doing it.>>

Akane rolls her eyes and adds, <<And she did an amazing job, too. Our Japanese teacher loved it.>>

Everyone at the table smiles at me and seems impressed. Something I'm still not used to. But I'm getting there.

Not long after that, Mai and Miki emerge from the bath and drag Akane away again, this time to their bedroom to read them a book. This prompts smiles out of everyone.

When Mrs. Kuwa tries to start clearing away the dishes, Ms. Fujiwara and I stop her at the same time. We convince her to let us do it, since she prepared everything.

After the two of us finish up, she smiles at me and signs, <<Thank you.>> She pauses and her smile gets a little broader, <<And not just for the dishes. Akane tells me everything. I know you're always there for her.>>

I smile back, <<Thank you, too.>>

She looks confused, like maybe I didn't understand her. I think about trying to sign what I want to say, but realize I might mess it up. So I ask her to wait a moment and go back to the table to get my notepad. Then I go back to the kitchen and write, “Thank you for making her so great. She has been there a lot for me too.”

She smiles at me and then gives me a hug, which I am more than happy to return.

…

It's bedtime now. Ms. Fujiwara is in the guest room, so Akane and I are in futons on the floor of her sisters’ bedroom. The two girls were very tired from all the playing. They were falling asleep before they even got in bed.

Just as I'm starting to doze, I'm surprised to hear a voice for the first time in a while. 

Akane whispers, “Nagisa, are you awake?”

Knowing she can't really hear right now, I roll over to respond. I can tell that Akane is lying on her side facing me. It’s too dark for me to tell anything else though.

She whispers, “Good…I want to say some stuff. It's too dark for sign language or lip reading. And I won't really be able to hear you if you respond. But…it's kind of perfect, because what I have to say is embarrassing and I just need to get it all out.”

She takes a deep breath, “I'm really going to miss you. I know you're gonna say we’ll both be in the Tokyo metro and all of that, but I know it won't be the same as now. We won't see each other all the time. Our lives will be very different. And that makes me sad. But…also really happy that I made such a good friend that I'm going to miss you this much. Among all the things you did for me, the thing I appreciate the most is that you…really helped me accept who I am. Being gay, I mean. I think at university I will be more open about it…and that’s thanks to you. I sort of thought there wasn't anyone who would accept me, apart from other gay people and my family. But you…and then Chiyo and Daiki proved me wrong.” 

She pauses for long enough that I think she's done. Although it seems a little abrupt. Just as I'm about to reach out to her, to let her know I heard, she continues.

“Also I…can't thank you enough for staying close with me even after you found out about my feelings. You and Daiki were so sweet…and I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you.  I…want you to know that I'm not in love with you anymore. I mean…there's a little something there, but it's kind of like a shadow of what I felt before. So…you don't need to worry about me hurting anymore. Because I don't!” She exhales, “I didn't mean to babble so much. Hopefully you didn't fall asleep listening to me drone on.”

By now I have a few tears on my face, and I'm glad she can't see me. I reach my hand out and put it on her shoulder and give it a squeeze. She scoots her futon a little closer and hugs me, while I hug her back.

I'm going to miss her too. So much. I wish I could tell her that she helped me accept myself too. I had such a low opinion of myself when I got to Yamaku, and while all of my friends helped me see that I was wrong about myself, she's the one who helped the most. I'll have to tell her tomorrow.

Graduation is tomorrow. We just had our graduation orientation and rehearsal. It was the last time Akane and I will be in a high school class room together. Now we're at the shoe lockers and changing into our shoes. 

As I'm putting mine on, I hear Akane click her tongue while in front of her locker, “ Seriously!? ”

I look up at her with a frown, “What's wrong?”

She sighs and walks over to me with an envelope in her hand, “Some guy left a freaking confession.” She brandishes the envelope and groans, “I didn't think I'd have to deal with another high school confession.”

“What are you going to do?”

She shrugs and sits down next to me with her shoes, “Nothing. School is over. I'm not even going to read it.”

“That's not very nice. I think you should read it. Let him know his feelings were heard, at least.”

She groans, “Do I have to?”

“I think so. He'll feel better if he gets a response, even a rejection.”

She puts her palm to her forehead and thrusts the envelope at me, “ Fiiine. You read it.”

I take the envelope and unfold the letter inside. It's very short and the handwriting is sloppy. I read it out loud.

Akane,

I've wanted to tell you my feelings for a long time. But I was scared. I don't want to graduate without telling you how I feel. Please meet me today at 5 in the classroom we use for homeroom if you'd like to talk.

Akane groans again as I finish the letter, “You're going to make me do this, aren't you?”

“I think you should. He did something brave to tell you. Plus, you said last night you don't want to hide that you're gay anymore. This is an opportunity to tell someone.”

She sighs and sags her head, “Fine. I'll go. But you're coming with me. Dude might be a creep. ”

…

Akane and I are sitting in our seats in the empty homeroom classroom. We're a few minutes early. Akane is anxiously tapping her fingers on the desk and looking at the letter, “Must be someone in our class, right? They wrote ‘our’ classroom.”

“Oh, I guess so.”

Akane takes off her glasses and pinches the bridge of her nose, “I swear to God , if it's Ichiro, I'm gonna punch him.”

I laugh, “I don't think it's him.”

Just then, the door opens and then closes without anyone coming in. Then it opens again, before closing once more.

Akane laughs, “Guess they chickened out.”

The door opens again, and this time someone bashfully steps through it. Before standing in front of Akane's desk. It isn't at all who we were expecting. 

It's Madoka. The most popular girl in our class. And she looks very nervous.

Apparently, Akane doesn't understand the situation. Akane says, “What are you doing here? You come back to reminisce on the day before graduation?”

Madoka looks down at the ground and chuckles, “K-kind of, I guess.” Then she looks up and glances at me, then the letter in Akane's hand, and then locks eyes with Akane, “Y-you…got my letter?”

Akane's jaw drops as she looks from the letter to Madoka and then back at the letter.

And she tells me I'M dense.

Flustered, she says, “Th-this was from you !?”

Madoka wrings her hands together and then nods.

“Wait… seriously ?”

Madoka frowns and her voice becomes unsteady, “Y-yes, seriously .”

Akane's jaw drops and Madoka gets a look of panic on her face as her eyes get wide.

She quietly says, “I was wrong, wasn't I? You're not-?”

“N-no…um…I am. But I don't even know what to say.”

Madoka crosses her arms and nods toward me, “Still in love with her, then?”

Now Akane's the one whose eyes get wide, “Wait. Hold on. H-how do you even know that I'm gay? And about how I felt about Nagisa?”

Madoka grins, “B-because I've been watching you for a while.” She blushes and brushes some of her blonde hair out of her face, “Do you remember our class trip to Sakunami last year?”

“Um…yeah? But what-”  Akane freezes and her eyebrows shoot up.

Madoka laughs and starts to fiddle with the bow on her uniform, “You and I ended up in the bath alone one night a-and um…well let's just say um…seeing you that night…was an awakening for me.”

Akane blushes, “Wow…that's… very flattering.”

Madoka laughs, “Good. Anyway…I've been…kind of in love with you since then. But I didn't think you were gay. I mean, I noticed your nails but that wasn't  nearly enough to give me any courage. But when I saw you and Nagisa get close, I was sure you were.  I thought…you were a couple actually, until Daiki.” 

Wait a minute…

I speak up, “Why did you joke about Ichiro being in love with her if you liked her?”

Madoka laughs, “Because it was funny. Well, and because based on her reaction I would get a better feel for whether she was gay.” 

Akane laughs, “And?”

“You freaked out. So…it was another thing that made me think you might be gay. But it wasn’t until like a month later I was sure you were, because of how you looked at Nagisa and stuff.”

Okay. I'm dense too.

Akane nods and thinks for a moment and then something dawns on her, “Are your feelings why you were so nice at the festival and let me cut out from the booth early?”

“Kind of. That was for both of you. I thought I'd try and help the only lesbian couple I knew spend time together at the festival.”

“Ah, I see.”

She nods and says, “But then…the morning she told you about Daiki…”

Akane looks bewildered, “Huh? What about that day?”

“Um…she encouraged me to go talk to you.”

Akane's eyes get wide, “Jeez, you really have been watching…”

Madoka sighs, “Yeah. Sorry, seems pretty creepy now that I put it all out there, doesn't it?”

Akane smiles, “I-it's okay. Sometimes you have to watch closely to see if the girl you like is gay. I've been there a couple times.”

Madoka nods and smiles, and then takes a deep breath and locks eyes with Akane,  “M-my point here is…I'm in love with you.. A-and…I wanted you to know, before we graduate. I didn't want to regret never letting you know.”

Akane looks back at me nervously, and I encourage her to respond with my eyes.

“I…uh…thank you, Madoka.”

She rolls her eyes, “ Just what a girl is hoping to hear after making her first confession.”

“I'm sorry, okay! I think you're like… super pretty too, but I'm still processing this. This…this comes as a surprise. A big one. You've dated guys, haven't you?”

“Tried it, yeah. Wasn't for me.”

Akane chuckles, “I see. I guess…I've just been blind, huh?”

She nods toward me, “Yeah…well…maybe if she hadn't transferred in you would have noticed me this year.”

Akane laughs, “Maybe. But you might not have figured out I was gay without her.”

Madoka sighs, “I guess that's true.”

Just as I'm about to ask if they want me to leave, Akane smiles at Madoka and says, "Listen…do you want to go somewhere and talk, just the two of us?”

Madoka raises an eyebrow and smiles mischievously, “A-are you…trying to sleep with me?”

Akane waves her hands, “N-no, I didn't mean like that, I-”

Madoka bites her lip and turns bright red, “B-because…I would be thrilled with that. I-if you…wanted to do that.”

Akane's jaw drops for the second time in the conversation and Madoka and I both laugh at her reaction. 

After our laughter Madoka asks, “Do you…have experience?”

Akane nods sheepishly.

“Well…it's the night before graduation. I don't want to graduate as a virgin and I've…wanted to be with you for a long time. I-if…nothing else, I'd like my first time to be with you. It…doesn't have to mean anything.”

Akane frowns and looks down at the letter in her hands, “I…um…uh…”

Madoka frowns and turns bright red and turns towards the door, “O-okay. I get it. I'll go.”

Akane stands up and grabs her hand as she turns, “You…don't have to.”

Madoka turns and smiles at Akane, who says, “Let's go talk in my room. A-and…we’ll see about that other stuff.”

My face flushes as I realize what is probably going to happen. 

Akane looks back at me and waves, and I shoo the two of them off to spend the evening (and the night?) together.

“I'm…kind of nervous.”

Daiki and I are at The Shanghai. We're meeting my parents for breakfast the morning of graduation. We've come here a few times together. We discovered he can sit in the booths, if we push the table away a little bit.

I smile at my boyfriend and take his hand. Well, more like I put my hand on his. It's hard for me to ever be the one to take his hand, since it’s about three times the size of mine.

“I know. But it'll be okay. They like you.”

“But they haven't met me. They just like me from what you say.”

“Well…I only tell them the truth. So, why wouldn't they like you?”

He shrugs, “You got me worried about your dad when you warned me.”

I told him my dad is silly and will make some jokes. But he should just ignore them.

I nod, “I do wish he wouldn't be so silly. I know my mom's probably trying to get him to behave. But it never works. Just…ignore him.”

Daiki scoffs, “He's your dad . I can't just ignore him. And I want him to like me.”

I sigh, “I know. But he's…possessive with me. It’s out of love…but it also means he's going to be hard to win over.”

Daiki nods, “Well…I'll do my best.”

…

Well, I can't say I didn't see something like this coming.

My parents came and we enjoyed a nice meal and Daiki was cute and charming and everything was going so well. For once I thought my dad was under control. But now…

“You can only have my Nagisa if you can beat me in arm wrestling.”

Daiki looks taken aback and then looks at me, “ H-have her?”

I sigh, “Don’t worry, I know you would never put it like that. H-he's just being silly, like I said he would be.”

My mom nods.

My dad crosses his arms and glares at Daiki, “Tch. I knew you were just big. Not strong. How are you supposed to protect her if you're this weak?”

My mom and I scold my father simultaneously. But both men act like we didn't say anything. I'm surprised to see a fire in Daiki's eyes.

“Fine. I'll arm wrestle you. If that's what you need for me to prove myself to you. Seems ridiculous to me. But whatever.”

My dad grins, “Did I awaken the sleeping giant?”

Daiki scoffs, “Whatever. Let's just get it over with.”

As the two of them stare each other down my mom and I get out of the booth to give them room.

This is so embarrassing. Do they have to do it here? But Daiki already agreed, and I don’t want to stop him. I'm also curious because I'm not sure how this will go. Daiki is really strong, but so is my dad. I think Daiki is probably stronger, but it's going to be close.

We stand at the end of the table while my dad rolls up his sleeve and extends his arm out over the table, resting his elbow on it. For Daiki there aren't any theatrics, he just puts his elbow on the table. While the size difference isn't as big as between me and Daiki, Daiki's arm is still much bigger than my dad's. My dad flinches slightly when he notices the difference, but of course he doesn't back down. Even when it takes awhile for him to find a way to clasp Daiki's hand the correct way. His hand is so much higher and so much bigger that it's hard for him to find a way to hold on. Eventually though, he finds a way.

With their hands clasped, they continue to stare into each other's eyes. Then my dad says, “Sanae. Give us a countdown.”

My mom nods, “3, 2, 1…start!”

My dad immediately strains with all of his might, with his face turning red and veins bulging in his forearm. But Daiki's hand only moves ever so slightly.

Daiki has a look on his face I have seen a few times before. It's the same one he has when Akane tries to rile him up before tests. He never really gave in to her jabs, just smiling calmly at her. And then he alway beats her on the test. He's smiling the same way right now. Which probably isn't good for my dad.

My dad struggles for what seems like a minute, but he doesn't make any progress. When he realizes the futility of his actions, he laughs wryly, “Go on then, finish it.”

Daiki nods and without straining at all, pins my dad's hand to the table.

My mom immediately starts clapping and cheering but I'm so stunned that I forget to until she nudges me.

My dad sighs and shakes his hand like it hurts, “You’re as strong as an ox even though my daughter tells me you're a bookworm. I've arm wrestled many men, and never lost so badly. Are you sure that's a disability?”

My mom and I scold my dad again but both men ignore us. Daiki laughs, “I'm sure. Wait until you see me walk. But there are some perks. You should have chosen a competition where I can't so easily take advantage of my leverage and mass advantage.”

My dad chuckles, “Well…you definitely sound like a bookworm.”

Daiki shrugs, “Since I won, does that mean you'll stop with the jokes?”

My dad scowls for a second, but then smiles “Fine, fine. You're strong enough to protect my Nagisa. You have my blessing.” My dad pauses and stirs his coffee before grinning at Daiki, “But I'm still going to make jokes.”

Graduation is in about an hour.  Akane, Chiyo, and I are hanging out in my room one last time. Almost everything is packed away now, though. It looks much like it did the day I moved in. 

But I didn’t have these two great friends when I moved in. I really love these two girls and I'm glad we're all graduating and moving on, but I'm going to miss them. 

Akane’s right, even though we won’t live that far apart, we’ll never see each other as much as we do now. And Chiyo will be all over the country with her acting troupe, so who knows when we’ll see her again. I mean, Kotomi and Tomoya are two people who I care deeply about, and I never see them since they went to university. Is that what’s going to happen with these two?

I’m a little distracted from how bittersweet it all is, though. Because I really want to ask Akane about her night with Madoka. However, I decide she'll talk about it herself if she wants to.

“What happened with Madoka?”

Apparently, Chiyo isn't as patient as I am.

Akane sighs, “Nothing, really. Well, I mean…we made out some and cuddled and slept together. Mostly we talked a lot.”

“Oh. Did she decide not to go all the way?”

Akane shakes her head, “She wanted to. But from talking to her, I think she really, truly loves me.” Akane laughs wryly as her face flushes, “She’s the first who ever has. A-and…I was worried I would really hurt her if we did that. It reminded me…of when I was in love with Misha. Sleeping with her made it so much worse when she dumped me. And I told Madoka about that, and she reluctantly agreed.”

“I see. Well…that's understandable.”

Akane smiles at me, “I knew you'd approve.”

Chiyo asks, “So, that's it with her? Kind of seems like a shame.”

Akane shrugs, “It might not be. I told her to keep in touch. We'll be two hours away by train when we're at university. So, maybe we'll go on some dates. We'll see if we follow through, though.”

Chiyo grins and clasps her hands together dramatically while nudging Akane with her elbow, “I'm sure she will. It sounds like you're her dream girl. Do you like her ?”

Akane's quiet for a moment, “It's too early to tell. I do think she's really pretty, and I like her as a person. And…kissing her and stuff was nice. But I need to get to know her better before I'll know for sure.”

“Well…should we get out of here?”

Graduation is over. It was all sort of a blur. But it was very exciting to have my name called and walk across the stage they set up on the athletic fields. For a long time, I didn't think I would ever be able to finish high school. It took until I was 20, but I did it. I feel a little emotional about it all, but Akane sounds like it's any other day.

“U-um…yeah. Let's try to find the others.”

We’re all going to hang out in the costume shop one last time.  

Akane nods and then points, “Well, your boyfriend is over there.”

I follow her gesture and see Daiki speaking with Mr. Mutou. The science teacher and Daiki's favorite teacher at Yamaku. I always had a hard time following his lectures and thought he seemed kind of sleepy all the time. But then, I really love Mr. Suzuki, and Daiki doesn't much care for him.

I shouldn't interrupt their conversation.

Just as I'm about to relay this information to Akane, I see a pink streak in my peripheral vision and hear, “A-AKANE!”

Akane grunts as Misha tackle hugs her with teary eyes. She sniffles and looks up at Akane, “I-I'll miss you.”

Akane smiles down at her, “I'll miss you too.”

Just then, I feel a tap on my shoulder and when I turn to see who it is, I see a familiar face.

<<Congratulations.>>

I smile, <<Thank you, Shizune.>>

<<I enjoyed our time together. I’m happy I was able to help you learn to sign.>>

I nod, <<Me too. I couldn't have done it without you. It's nice to speak directly to you too, instead of through Misha.>>

Shizune puts a hand to her mouth and laughs softly, <<Indeed. I feel the same. Have a good time at university.>>

I nod, <<Thank you. Good luck with your senior year, and student council.>>

She nods with a smile and then walks away.

When we finish our conversation, I see that Misha has calmed down. But now Akane is a little emotional. She's tearing up while Misha is trying to comfort her.

I know they had their ups and downs, and I don’t think I will ever fully understand what their relationship has been these last few months. They aren't together, but they have sex and talk all the time. I guess they are what people are referring to when they say ‘friends with benefits.’

Even if I don't understand, I know they really care about each other and that’s what matters. 

Just as I'm starting to feel unsure about whether I should approach the pair, I hear a familiar voice behind me.

“Congratulations, Nagisa!”

I turn around and see a smiling Saki.

“Thank you.”

“You're welcome.” She starts to fiddle with her cane nervously.”I um…know how hard it has been for you to get here. To finally graduate, I mean. And it's…really amazing you persevered through everything and got here.”

“Thank you. I know you're going to persevere too."

She nods, “I definitely will.” She hugs me, “It was nice getting to know you a bit this year. It’s kind of a bummer you were only here for a year.” She breaks the hug and cringes at herself, “N-not that I wanted you to get sick and stay!”

I laugh, “I know what you mean. I wish I had more time here too.”

She nods, “Stay in touch, okay? You have my number, right?”

I nod, “I do. I will.”

“Good. Well, show them who’s boss at university!”

After Saki and I exchange our farewells, I see that Misha and Akane are heading my way. They both look like they've calmed down.

When they get close Misha says, “Congrats to both of you! I hope I follow in your footsteps! Wahahaha~”

I can't help but smile at her laughter, “I'm sure you will.” I look at Akane and hesitate for a moment, before saying, “Thank you for being there for Akane when…everything happened.”

Misha frowns, not something I have seen a whole lot of. “I was…going to say the same thing to you.” She looks at Akane and then back at me, “You were there when I hurt her. And what I did was way worse than…just not being able to feel the same way.”

Before I can respond she smiles like she doesn't have a care in the world, “But…it's all water under the bridge now! Congrats to both of you.”

I just got back to my room after spending one last day with my friends. Tonight will be my last night in the dorms. 

When I step into the room and turn on the light, I'm surprised when I see something on my desk. I have packed everything up, so there shouldn't be anything there. I walk over to my desk and see a small book with some paper on top of it. As I get closer, I see that there's an envelope with a post-it note on top of the book.

I peel the post-it note off and read it:

My cousin asked me to use my dorm key and leave this here for you. I was going to refuse, but then I saw what it was and knew you'd want it. 

 

-Shizune

So that means, Lilly asked her for a favor? Those two haven't spoken in months. And she did it just to give me something?

Now that I've removed the post-it note, I see that the envelope has my name on it. I open the envelope and pull out the letter, which is written in very small, neat handwriting.

Nagisa,

Lilly and I wanted to come to graduation. But I got scared. I'm sorry. I wish there had been a dress rehearsal for me to go to. Anyway, hopefully this little gift will make up for our absence.

Congratulations,

Hanako and Lilly

I put the card aside and pick up the little book. 

“Oh!” 

Embarrassed at my loud exclamation, I look around my room. There's no one there of course, so no need for me to feel embarrassed.

But I couldn't help it. My gift is too exciting for me to stay silent. 

They got me Living with Father , so that I could have my own copy. I smile at the book in my hands and then hug it to my chest as a few tears spill over my cheeks.

This play will always be special to me. I'm very happy to have my own copy. It was very sweet of them to get this for me.

…

I'm in bed for my last night at Yamaku and my head is buzzing with so many thoughts and mixed emotions

Many of my thoughts are about the future. I'm nervous about university. I'm nervous about living in Tokyo. 

But I'm also thinking about the past. And especially the 11 months I spent here.

“Thank you.” 

I might have said it to an empty room but it's a ‘thank you’ to everyone at Yamaku who has helped me. To all my friends and my boyfriend, and the faculty and staff too. Without the nurse or Mr. Suzuki, I wouldn't have made it.

But it's also a ‘thank you’ to the school itself. Maybe that sounds silly. You don't normally thank buildings. Or campuses. But I'm so happy I came here. It's a special place. And part of me really doesn't want to leave.

I started the year with so many worries. I thought I wouldn't make friends. I thought I wouldn't stay healthy enough to graduate. I thought I wouldn't get over Tomoya.

But I made many friends. My health became less of an obstacle. And I fell in love with someone who loves me just as much. I'm leaving Yamaku happier, healthier, and more confident than I've ever been. 

So, I don't think it's silly to thank Yamaku at all. In fact, I think I should do it again.

“Thank you… so much.”

Chapter Text

Today is a very special, very happy day. One I thought I would never see.

Akane nervously asks, “H-how does my hair look?”

Akane, Chiyo, and I are on the balcony of a big, luxurious hotel room with a breathtaking view of the beach. We just finished getting some pictures taken, and now we're relaxing briefly before the main event.

Akane is in a beautiful and elegant white dress. It's a ball gown style dress with a tightly fitted bodice on the top that bares her shoulders, and a very puffy full skirt on the bottom. She looks like she stepped out of a fairy tale.

Chiyo gives her a cursory look and then sighs, “The same as it did five minutes ago.”

Akane scoffs, “I wasn't really asking you . Nagisa, how is my hair?”

She has her beautiful dark hair up in a complicated-looking bun with lots of texture. We all had our hair done by a stylist.

I smile at her, “It looks perfect.”

Chiyo nods, “Seriously Akane, Madoka's going to love it. But you know what? She'd love it no matter how it looked.”

Akane smiles and feigns that she's sniffling, “Aw. It took my wedding day for you to finally say something sweet to me.”

Chiyo crosses her arms, “And with a reaction like that , it'll be another 10 years before I do it again.”

I pat Akane on the shoulder, “How are you feeling?”

She uncrosses her arms and smiles ear to ear, “75 percent excited. 25 percent nervous. Is that how you two felt?”

Chiyo answers first, “I wasn't very nervous. But I didn't have a big fancy western wedding at a resort, as you know.”

I nod, “Me neither. Daiki and I just got married in my town's ceremony hall, after all. I am more nervous about this wedding than my own. It's so many people.”

“That's what you're nervous about, right?”

Akane nods, “We did the rehearsal and everything, but I'm still worried I'll mess it up. It's kind of complicated.”

“Well…all you really have to do is walk and be pretty and I think you'll get a lot of grace. And I think you have those things down pat.”

Akane smiles at Chiyo and this time I think the sniffling might be real, “You said it would be 10 years before you were sweet to me again.”

Chiyo laughs, “I don't know what came over me.” Chiyo looks away from Akane and starts to fidget with the corsage on her wrist and asks, “Y-you're really going to move over here, huh?”

Akane smiles at her friend, “Yes. I am. Are you saying you're going to miss me?”

Chiyo sniffles and nods.

Akane says, “I'm very happy you'll miss me but…S-stop that! Or we'll all cry and ruin our make up. Besides…it's not like we see one another that much when we are both in Japan.”

“I know but we see each other some! And we're like…in the same time zone, and you're only a few hours away by bullet train.”

Akane is starting to look like she's feeling guilty, so I have to butt in. I'm sad she's moving away too, but also very happy for her. And Chiyo shouldn't be making her feel this way. Certainly not today.

“Chiyo…you know why she's going to live here, right?”

She nods, “Because Madoka's half-American. And her family lives here. And Akane got a job at the Hawaii School for the Deaf and Blind.”

Akane and I both give her a look that says, You know that's not all.

She gets the message and sighs, “ And because they can get married here. And society will be less…hostile towards them.” Chiyo bows her head, “Sorry. I'm being selfish.”

Akane takes her hand, “It's okay. It means a lot to me you'll miss me so much. Why did you wait until now to say something?”

Chiyo shrugs, “It just really hit me. Being in the city you're moving to…seeing you all beautiful for your wedding. I guess I was in denial.”

Akane smiles at her, “Well…at least it’s Hawaii, right? Just a 7 hour flight. Would be way longer if it was like…New York.”

Chiyo smiles, “Yeah…that's true. And as we've learned these past few days, it's a very nice place to visit. So…we'll still see each other."

Akane nods, “I'll still be in Japan sometimes too. My whole family is there, after all.” She smiles, “Including you two.”

Chiyo smiles and nods, “Sorry for bringing the mood down. Let's talk about happy stuff now!”

I laugh, “Yes please.”

Akane smiles, “How about this - it's pretty funny we all found our spouse at Yamaku.”

Chiyo laughs, “Well, you and Madoka didn't get together until like three years into university. I don't know if it counts.”

I reply, “I-it does!”

Akane nods, “That’s right. I mean, she’s had the hots for me since high school. And we had our first kiss there! That has to count for something. And…I definitely would have gone out with her then…but…”

Chiyo finishes for her, “You were hopelessly in love with Nagisa?”

Akane looks at me with flushed cheeks and then sighs, “Yeah. I…I…don't really have a comeback for that one. Because…it's exactly right.”

Chiyo laughs, “It's okay. I would have been in love with her too if I liked girls. She's a cutie.” She pokes me in the cheek playfully and makes a kissy face.

I scoff, “You're the one who is a beautiful famous actress.”

Chiyo rolls her eyes, “Hardly. I have been in like 9 total episodes of TV dramas in 10 years. Don't think that qualifies.”

Akane rolls her eyes, “You just said you've been in TV shows. I think that proves Nagisa's point.”

“Well…fine. But I stopped auditioning like two years ago. So I don't really think of myself as an actress anymore.”

I say, “But you and Ken run a children’s theater now. I think…all those kids and parents see you as a glamorous actress. Even if you don’t.”

She laughs, “Maybe. I feel more like a teacher, though. Truth be told, I do get more out of teaching kids about theater than I ever did actually acting. Ken does too.” She laughs wryly, “Although we might think differently if we had been more successful.”

Akane laughs, “Well, either way. It’s good you two are happy doing that. It was super cute seeing them perform when I visited.” She smiles at me, “Actually it's nice that all three of you are focusing on kids’ theater.”

I smile, “I hope my plays can get the next generation more interested in drama. Since our generation really wasn't. Maybe there will be more drama clubs in high school if I do a good job.”

Chiyo smiles, “Well, the kids we work with definitely love The Great Dango Family . So I think you're on the right track.”

Akane bursts into laughter, prompting confused looks from both of us.

She notices and calms down, “Woo…sorry. I was just remembering the first time Nagisa sang that song for me.” She sighs happily, “So cute.”

Chiyo says, “Hey now, don't go back to thinking about Nagisa in high school, or I'll tell Madoka.”

Just as I'm about to scold Chiyo, my phone buzzes. I see I have a text from Miki.

I smile at Akane, “I-it's almost time.”

The three of us stand up and Akane takes a deep breath, and then smiles radiantly and gestures for us both to come hug her, which we do. “I'm really glad you two are here today. You're still my dearest friends. And you played a bigger role in convincing me to be openly gay than you probably know.” She breaks the hug and excitedly declares, “Now then, let's go to my lesbian wedding!”

Chapter Text

“Let’s see…ah, here it is. It's on the fifth floor.”

I smile up at my very tall husband who was looking at the building’s directory, “Okay. You know what that means, don't you?”

He sighs as I push the silver button and the light comes on.

“That we'll be taking the elevator. 40 years of marriage and you still bring that up every time. It isn't like I have ever made that mistake again.”

The elevator opens and we get on it and I push the “5” button.

I laugh as I put my hand on his, “Well, I like to think my teasing you about it keeps you on the straight and narrow.”

“Yeah, yeah. You're lucky you're so cute.”

I chuckle, “So are you.”

He smiles, “ That's true.”

There's a ding and the elevator opens. We exit the elevator and then follow the signs to room 517. When we get there, we find a door that says, “University of Tokyo Genetic Disorder Study.”

Daiki nods, “This is it.” He opens the door for me and I go through and find a small sparsely decorated lobby with only one other woman in the waiting room. I walk up to the desk where there is a woman in her 20s.

“Hello, I'm here for the study.”

She nods, “Name?”

“Matsuzaka.”

She nods and then looks at Daiki. Her eyes briefly get very big, but then go back to her usual size. “A-and you're Mr. Matsuzaka?”

“That's right.”

She smiles, “Alright. You're both checked in. It looks like you both already filled out the questionnaire, so they should call you back soon.”

“Thank you, young lady.” 

I turn around and see that Daiki found a large bench to sit on. I was a little worried there wouldn’t be anywhere suitable for him, and he really needs it the way his knees are these days. I take a seat next to him.

After a minute or so, I notice the other woman in the lobby is studying us. She's a small woman, probably even smaller than me. And her graying brown hair is in a ponytail.  I would guess she is about 10 years younger than me.

 As she continues to stare, I'm about to say something to her. Before I can, she moves and sits across from us and says, “It's…Nagisa and Daiki, right?”

Now that she's closer, I notice that her bright green eyes seem somewhat familiar, but I'm not sure who she is. I look to Daiki but he shrugs.

I nod, “Y-yes.”

The woman laughs, “It's okay if you two don't remember me.  It's been like a million years. I probably wouldn't recognize you two either but I heard your last name and your husband is very recognizable.” She nods towards Daiki and then says, “I was a year behind you at Yamaku.” She points to her prosthetic legs.

My husband says, “ Ohhh , of course. You're Emi Ibarazaki? The track star?”

I only ever spoke with her a handful of times. The first time was when she was crying in the bathroom but wouldn't talk to me about it. And seemed to think no one could help her. We only exchanged pleasantries after that.

I hope she has been okay.

She nods with a grin on her face.

“H-how have you been?”

“Great! What brings you two here?”

What a strange question. Isn't there only one reason we would be here?

“Well…we're here…for the study.”

She nods, “I see, I see. You have a genetic condition?”

I nod, “HIDS.”

“I have no idea what that is. However , I'm sure my daughter does.”

“Daughter?”

“Yeah, I'm here to meet her for lunch.”

Daiki sounds exasperated and says, “What does your daughter have to do with this?”

“Oh. Silly me. Not doing a very good job bragging, am I?” She grabs a questionnaire that's on one of the clipboards in the lobby and hands it to me before pointing at the professor’s name who is running this lab. “It's her lab that is doing the study. She's a professor and researcher here.”

I look at the questionnaire, “Kayoko Nakai-Yoshida?”

Emi nods, “That's right.”

I say the name out loud because it sounds so familiar, “Nakai…”

“Yep. That's my late husband's family name. He was a Yamaku alum too. You wouldn't have known him, though. He transferred in after you two graduated.”

I clench my eyes shut, feeling like something about the name rings a bell, but I can’t quite figure it out, “But it…sounds…familiar. Nakai…”

Emi raises an eyebrow at me and narrows her eyes, “Were you friends with Saki? Or maybe Chisato?”

“Saki. Yes.” I turn to my husband, “Oh!”

Daiki nods, “Nakai was her husband's name. We met him at the wedding.” He frowns, “And… again at her funeral.”

He was a very nice man. He was having such a hard time after he lost her. I wanted to offer to help him, but Chisato knew him so much better than I did and she seemed to have it covered.

“I-is he…was he…the same Nakai?”

Emi smiles with some sadness in her eyes, “He was. I'm glad you met him.”

“I-I'm sorry you lost him. When was it?”

She thinks for a moment, “It's been…15 years now.”

I say,  “A-nd…your daughter. Her name-”

Emi smiles, “Yep, she's named after that Kayoko.”

I smile, “That's just…wonderful.”

The person working the front desk calls my name.

Emi smiles, “Come on. I'll introduce you to her.”

Emi leads the way, clearly knowing exactly where her daughter will be. Eventually, we get to a small room where there is a woman seated at a computer and a small reclining chair.

“Kayoko, sweetie. There's two people I want you to meet.”

Kayoko is a tall woman with beautiful long dark hair and brown eyes. She also has a figure that rivals Chiyo. She’s wearing some sort of athletic braces on her wrists. Maybe she takes after her mother athletically. Although, she doesn't seem to take after her in any other way. 

Kayoko sighs, “Mom, why are you even back here? You really shouldn’t be. This is private.”

I chuckle, “We don’t mind.” Daiki nods towards Kayoko in confirmation.

She nods, “Okay then. But why are you here in the first place, mom?”

“Oh…you know, we’re meeting for lunch!”

Kayoko looks at her watch, “Yeah, in an hour . You got bored again didn't you? You're like… the worst retired person ever. Just relax , okay?”

Emi pouts, “I am relaxed!”

Hard to tell who is the mother and who is the daughter.

Kayoko sighs, “Fine, whatever.” She looks at us, her eyes lingering for a moment on Daiki. Something the both of us are quite familiar with by now. “So, you two have the misfortune of knowing my mom, huh?”

I laugh, “A l-little. We went to high school with her.”

Emi nods, “They were a year ahead. Nagisa helped me a bit when I was in a bad place once. And this guy is Daiki - her big strapping husband.”

Kayoko looks embarrassed by her mother. She rolls her eyes and then says, “You're both getting your blood drawn for the study?”

Daiki replies, “Yes. I'm honestly not sure whether my condition is genetic, but I didn't think it could hurt having my DNA.”

Kayoko nods and smiles as her eyes scan her computer screen, “Sometimes acromegaly is genetic, although not usually.” She looks up from her screen and smiles, “Part of the goal here is to identify conditions that weren't previously known as genetic, so I'm very happy you're participating.” 

She turns to me and says, “HIDS, huh? That's a rare one. I don't have any other participants who have it. You're doing me a big favor.”

I nod, “Y-yes. Our daughter has it too. And two of our grandchildren. I was hoping…maybe someday there would be a cure.”

Kayoko smiles, “That's what I'm working towards.” She furrows her brow, “Maybe…in your granddaughter's lifetime we can pull that off. Fingers crossed.”

Daiki responds with another big smile, “That would be great.”

Kayoko nods, “So, before I take your blood, let me just tell you a little more about what we're doing here. The goal is to create a library of genetic conditions and where in the human genome the mutations that create them appear. This will make it easier to come up with gene editing treatments for different conditions. And…that could all mean cures one day.”

I nod, “Well…I'm ready to do what I can.”

Kayoko leads me over to a chair, where I can recline.

She smiles as she puts a tourniquet on my arm and starts prodding my arm, “Genetics of the immune system are really tricky. Usually a whole bunch of genes are involved. But…I think someday we’ll figure it out.” She stops for a moment to grab a needle, “Get ready for a stick.” I nod, and wince a little when I feel the needle go in, but once she starts drawing blood into a vial, I don’t really feel it any more. Then she removes the tourniquet, puts a cotton swab over the injection sight, and then a bandage. 

She shakes the vial of my blood, “This should help.” When she shakes the vial, I notice her wrist brace again.

Those probably aren't athletic braces. Why would she have them on right now?

“D-do you…have a genetic condition, too?”

“I do. Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, the hypermobile type.” She taps on her wrist brace, “These keep my joints in place better than my body does. That’s part of the reason I’m in this business. Me and lots of people important to me have genetic conditions. Some of them…passed away way too early.”

In a somber tone Emi says, “Sweetie…she knew Saki. And they met your father a couple of times.”

Kayoko raises her eyebrows and smiles, “Really?”

I nod, “Saki and I were friends.” I remember back to that day in the band room. The day when I started to think of her as my friend, and as someone who could relate to my health issues more than most. “We…both had bodies that betrayed us. A-as she once put it.”

I didn't know then that her condition was fatal. Sometimes I feel a little guilty for thinking we were in the same boat.

Kayoko smiles, “It’s always nice hearing new stories about her. She's kind of like…an honorary parent to me. I never knew her, of course. But she was important to my dad so…she's important to me too.”

I get up from the reclining chair and then Kayoko turns to my husband with a worried look on her face. He chuckles, “It's okay. This is a small room, you can't exactly have a me-sized recliner in here.” He rolls up his sleeve and extends his arm, “Will this work?”

She smiles, “Yep, that’ll work.”

She puts a tourniquet around his arm and starts to feel his vein. As she does, Daiki asks, “Your father was a scientist, wasn't he? I recall having a conversation with him about solid-state physics at the wedding.”

Emi scoffs and shakes her head, “Sounds about right.”

Kayoko laughs, “Yeah, he was. He's who got me interested in it. What do you do? If you were having a conversation like that you must be in science too.”

“Science adjacent, anyway. I'm a retired civil engineer. So I'm pretty good with physics. Don't know much about genetics, I'm afraid.”

She nods and warns him about the stick before drawing his blood into a vial. While she does, she says, “Well, that's pretty cool. We need bridges just as much as we need medical care, after all.”

Just as she finishes drawing his blood, a young woman in her 30s knocks on the open door and comes in at Kayoko's invitation.

She's a small woman, though not as small as Emi or me. She has brown hair in a bob similar to how I wore my hair when I was younger. She's wearing a purple and pink headband.

Kayoko beams at her, and she smiles back. Just from how they look at eachother, I know they are in love. 

It always makes me smile to see two women in love, since it makes me think of Akane and Madoka.

“Kari, come over here. Meet a couple Yamaku alums that knew my mom and dad. And Saki too!”

Kari(?) smiles at us and Kayoko says, “This is my wife, Akari. She went to Yamaku, too. We fell in love there, like you two did. This is Nagisa and Daiki.”

She nods, “Nice to meet you both.”

Kayoko says, “It's always nice to meet another couple with a major size difference, huh Kari?”

Akari looks disappointed in her wife, “You c-can't joke about that!”

Daiki chuckles and takes my hand, “It's okay. We’ve heard it all by now. We don't mind.”

I nod, “We know we look kind of silly together. But we don't care. We’re very secure in our love for one another. Size difference and all.”

Akari uncrosses her arms, “Well…in that case…Yoko, there's no way you’re that much bigger than me.” She gestures towards us.

Kayoko looks at Daiki and winks subtly. He winks back and says, “I don't know. I think it's about the same.”

Akari’s jaw drops and Kayoko and Emi start cackling hysterically.

I walk over to Akari and say, “It’s okay to be small, Akari.”

She laughs, “I know. She’s been teasing me about it for 15 years now. I probably shouldn't let it get to me. Just makes her do it even more.”

I smile, “Well, she's been with you this whole time. And I see how she looks at you. So she must like it.” I whisper, “I know Daiki does.”

This makes Akari giggle.

Kayoko pouts, “Hey, what are you two tiny people whispering about over there?”

Akari laughs, “Oh, just that you like how small I am.”

Kayoko's face reddens a little, “I-it's true. I do.”

Akari smiles proudly and walks over to her wife. She puts her arms around her neck and they share a quick kiss before they smile at each other.

Then Kayoko smiles at Daiki and I and asks, “Would you two want to come to lunch with us? I'd love to hear some more Saki stories. It sounds like you knew her even before my dad did.”

I look at Daiki and I can tell from his face that he'd like to do this just as much as I would.

I smile, “Sure. That would be great.”

Saki would be very proud that this woman she never met looks up to her so much. And she'd love her name, too.