Chapter Text
Trevor wasn't one to fall in love. He never has been. He knows the gaping feeling in his chest too well and he wasn't planning to fix it, because he knows it’ll end up even bigger in the end. It always does. Trevor has never been the one to make the first move, either. No, he would rather sit there and wait, because that is what has always seemed to have worked in his eyes.
He’s sitting on the floor in the bathroom right now. Jay and Samantha aren’t home and the others are doing hell knows what. Probably watching TV. But all that mattered right now was his mind. His self loathing and the aching pain in his chest consuming him whole. The scars that littered his arms are extremely evident when his shirt sleeves ride up. That’s all he can notice.
For what it’s worth, he manages to lock the door. He knows it does no good for the other ghosts, but it brings him a sense of comfort either way. He can’t stop looking down at the scars. They’re on his thighs, too, but nobody ever noticed. They were all too focused on the fact he had no pants, but he’d like to think he’s grateful for that. Maybe Pete noticed. He likes to think Pete cared enough to notice.
Pete probably did. Pete was like that. Pete was caring, sweet, loving. He cared about others. Trevor knows Pete cares about him, but for some reason in his fucked up mind he convinces himself he doesn’t. Maybe that was his way of convincing himself out of the obvious feelings he has for him. Maybe he just wishes he could cover up the emotional hole in his chest again.
People always get too close to him. He’s always been so scared of having friends, having relationships. I mean, he had that situationship with Hetty, but that was nothing. They were just two hopeless romantics trying to find some semblance in the fact they both have that feeling in their chest. They were both just trying to cover up the fact they feel empty. They never even loved each other.
He thinks back to the time Pete was with Nancy. He doesn’t know why it hurt him so much. It’s not like he’s gay. He never thought he was gay, at least. He may have had feelings for a few men when he was alive, yeah, but they weren’t serious. I mean, even if he was gay– no, why was he thinking about this? He’s not gay. He never has been.
He heard a voice from the other side, “Trevor?”
He breathes in sharply. It’s Pete. Of course it is. Out of all times. “Yeah?” Trevor responds, his face scrunching up at the sound of his own voice.
“Are you okay? Can I come in?” Pete questions.
Trevor can hear the concern in his voice. It’s not that he was wrong for being concerned. “Yeah– I mean– I guess.”
Pete walks in and looks down at him, “What are you doing on the floor?” Confusion covered his face while he smiled lightly. “Get up, silly.” Pete offered Trevor a hand.
“I don’t feel like getting up.” Trevor said monotone.
That’s when Pete noticed the scars. Pete had noticed the scars and Trevor knew he had and that's when his breath hitched. “Pete– please don’t.”
Pete sat down next to Trevor, noticing the locked door. “You know, the lock doesn’t do much.” He commented, pointing at the locked door. He looked back down at Trevors leg, “How long have you had these– I mean– if it’s okay for me to ask?”
Trevor sighs, “Highschool. I mean, it started then, at least. I started in high school and it sort of stopped when I started hanging out with more people and got out of my depressive state. Lately I’ve–” Trevor cut himself off there.
Pete looks even more concerned than before, “You’ve what?” He wraps an arm around Trevor and feels him flinch, “It’s okay, Trev. You can tell me anything.”
“I’ve been wanting to do it more, lately. And, yeah, I know I can’t but I wish I could,” he rambled, “It’s so fucking stupid, I mean, I’m not even alive anymore and I know I shouldn’t be feeling so horrible, but– Pete I think I’m gay.” Trevor gulps, anxiety rushing over him.
“Gay? Trevor, I mean, you’ve always liked women, right? I mean, Bela? Didn’t you like her?” Pete questioned, looking confused.
“No– I mean– yes, I did like her– but this is different, I think?” Trevor pauses, “When I was alive I think I had a few feelings for men? I never explored it, though.”
Pete pecks him on the cheek and Trevor jumps. A slight blush covered his face as he tried to process what happened. “I’m sorry– crap– did that make you uncomfortab–”
Pete was interrupted by Trevor kissing him on the cheek. They looked at eachother with a bewildered expression.
“I–” Pete tried to speak, but couldn’t get any words out. Then there was a knock on the door.
“Hey, Trevor, I need to use the bathroom. Unlock the door!” Sam echoed from the other side.
Trevor motioned for Pete to get out, but Pete decided to speak instead, “I’m sorry.” Then he left quickly through the wall. Trevor sighed and unlocked the door, walking out. Sam was definitely going to ask what that was about.