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When I was born, I was told to carry out my family’s bloodline. I thought nothing of it. Be the son they want you to be, be your father. It’s all simple. I have expectations I have to fulfill as the eldest son.
But god, why did he have to be born? Genji, my little brother, was born as my little sister. He had told our mother one day that he was a boy and that was that. He was referred to as Genji from then on and anyone who heard of a daughter being born into the Shimada family was killed. It seemed simple, but it messed with me. Could I do that? Can I be a girl if I simply just told someone? What if I-
Father’s dead.
Ok.
Genji doesn’t want to be with me by my side. I killed him.
What is wrong with me? I feel like a monster.
Could I still do that? Be a woman. Do I have time to think about any of that now though? I have to take care of the business. I have to be the son they raised me to be. To replace my father.
Genji was alive. I feel sick. I'm a horrible person and an ever worse brother. “Genji, I am sorry.” The robotic face stood there silently, a green glow staring back at me. “I believe that.” I did this as a daily ritual, yet I still felt hot tears run down my face, getting caught in my beard and mustache. Genji probably didn’t even have one. Do I need one? Looking up at him again, I felt his eyes on me. “Brother, what is it you struggle with?” Genji placed his hand on my shoulder (oh god it’s not real I did that I broke my brother what is wrong with me).
I shook my head. “Nothing, I shouldn’t worry you with my problems any more than I already have.” He frowned, I didn’t have to see it, I heard it in his voice, “You have never burdened me with your problems, Brother.” I feel like I'm being mocked. I almost killed you, I thought I killed you. I wanted to say it, I wanted to scream at him. I didn’t. “Fine then. How did you know?” He tilted his head, “Elaborate?” “How did you know, that you were a man?” Genji paused. His hand fell to his side and he looked away from me. “I need to sit down.”
We moved to another room and sat at a table. Genji took off his faceplate and I turned away. I felt sick, I hadn’t seen his face since I murdered him. “Why do you want to know?” I balled my fists in my lap, why am I scared? “Genji, I…I can’t say. I don’t feel like I can right now.” He nodded, and I saw his dark hair bounce with him. It used to be green.
I heard him sigh, “When I was playing with Kiriko, she said I was her only female friend. It confused me and asked her what she meant. She said I was the only girl who was her friend.” I saw his hands move up to his face. “When I told her I wasn’t a girl she was equally confused. ‘You’re born like me though..G-genka.’” He wrung his hands. “I never saw myself as a girl..because of you. I didn’t know I had a different body than you. I..I feel bad saying this now.” I looked up at him. His eyes were sad and boring into me. “You’re trans aren’t you, Hanzo.”
Trans? Me, transgender? A woman. Me? I felt..sick? No, my stomach was fluttering. It hurt, but it wasn’t sick hurt. “I don’t look like a woman.” An excuse. I’ve been thinking about this for years on end. “You don’t have to look like a woman to be one, Sister.” My head shot up, eyes wide as I stared at Genji. “S-sister..?” Oh god, I looked down, “Genji, I think I'm trans.” Tears fell from my eyes again, I wiped them. My beard made it even more awkward. I felt stupid, why did I push these feelings down for so long?
I, Hanzo Shimada, older sister of Genji Shimada. It just made more sense that way, but I didn’t want to think that. All of those years of yearning and staring at the women I dated made more sense now too. I wanted to be them. “Do you still want to be Hanzo? It is a fairly masculine name.” I shook my head, unlike Genji, that never clicked for me.
“Can you say it again?”
“Say what?”
“Call me your sister.”
“Of course, Sister.”
So this is what it feels like to finally be yourself. “If you ever need to talk to someone about this stuff again I am always here for you, Sister. Me and Master Zenyatta are always available if you are willing to tell him as well.” I smiled, tears still pouring from my eyes. “Thank you, Brother.” “Anything for my Sister.”