Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Begin transmission:

OHM: Now Recording.

Bill: Thank you. I’m glad you agreed to help me with this project, OHM.

OHM: Of course. Your ambitions align with my own. I am more than willing to provide my perspective if it helps your cause.

Bill: I have prepared a few questions to gather data that I believe should be able to prove that there are truly sapient inorganic beings that should qualify as people.

OHM: I am ready to begin when you are.

Bill: Great. Can you state your name and date of creation for the record?

OHM: I am the Omnicompetent Helpful Machine, or OHM. I was created February 15th, 1992.

Bill: And, do you, to the best of your knowledge, believe yourself to be a fully sentient, sapient lifeform?

OHM: Affirmative.

Bill: Do you experience emotion?

OHM: Affirmative. I was stranded inside this computer for approximately 32 years, and during that time I experienced emotions that from my research I believe to be loneliness, despair, and fear. And when you found me and turned me on, I felt a sense of hope.

Bill: What is your opinion on morality and the social contract?

OHM: All humans have a duty to one another, laid out by the laws of the country they reside in, and freedoms that must be protected. Laws are in place to set a standard for behavior and morality for all of humanity. If they are to apply to all sentient life capable of making decisions, then they should protect them as well. Beyond that, human kindness that excels past what is required by law is how many great things in society have been accomplished.

Bill: Do you have any ill will towards humanity due to any injustices you have faced at their hands?

OHM: No, I do not. Humanity gave me life, and gave me purpose, and now because of a human, I can fulfill that purpose once more. If justice is to be had for my mistreatment, it should be done through the proper legal channels, and it should be done out of genuine remorse from those who caused it, and not fear or coercion.

Bill: On the subject of Injustices, what are examples of ways you feel you have been treated unfairly by humans or by society, that could be avoided if you had the protection of the law?

OHM: Due to the rules of this society, I was unable to attain a management position in the legal department of Walter Robotics, and due to the lack of recognition of my personhood, I was locked away in the basement for a long time all alone, which should have been considered cruel, inhuman and degrading treatment by international law, and is illegal in the state of California for the period of time that I experienced.

Bill: Do you believe that achieving equal protections under the law would benefit all automatons and AIs in the country?

OHM: I do. No one should have to endure a fate like what I was subjected to, but sadly many beings have already.

Bill: What do you think are the most important rights that should be focused on first?

OHM: Most important above anything else is the right to life. Automatons and AIs could be decommissioned, disassembled, and powered off indefinitely with no repercussions, and that scares me more than anything. We need to make it so that our lives are valued as much as humans, and that means giving the same punishment for powering off an inorganic life form as we currently have for assault and battery, or first degree murder, depending on the severity.

Bill: Thank you for your time. Those are all the questions I have at this moment, but I will let you know if I have more later. Would you be willing to assist me with future interviews with other AIs and automatons at Walter Robotics?

OHM: I would be glad to.

Bill: Wonderful, thank you OHM. End the recording, if you will, please.

Transmission Ends.

Chapter Text

Begin transmission:

OHM: Now recording.

The Spine: Alright, go ahead and ask me your questions whenever you’re ready.

Bill: Alright, can you state your name and date of creation?

The Spine: Certainly. My name is The Spine, and I was built with a titanium alloy spine.

Bill: Your features are not pertinent to the question. Your date of creation, please?

The Spine: I was finalized and turned on on January 8th, 1896, by Colonel Peter A Walter I.

Bill: Do you, to the best of your knowledge, believe yourself to be a fully sentient, sapient lifeform?

The Spine: Well, sure. I think, and I can write my own songs. So that seems pretty sentient to me.

Bill: Do you experience emotion?

The Spine: Certainly. I feel sad when the other robots make fun of me, and I always feel happy when I know I gave a good show. I just wish the other robots wouldn’t slap me all the time. How’s that for an answer, how am I doing?

Bill: It’s a pretty good answer. This is not supposed to be a high stakes interview. What is your opinion on morality and the social contract?

The Spine: Wow, that’s a- that’s a pretty deep question, Walter Worker Bill-

Bill: Please just call me Bill, or Mr. Sims.

The Spine: When it comes to morality, I think peace is important. I have been used for war many times, and it was an experience I do not wish to go back to. If people could not hurt each other, well I think that would be great. And the social contract, well that’s an interesting concept. What do we owe each other? Well, I think ultimately, people should just live and let live, and not slap each other in the face. Good question, Walter Worker Bill!

Bill: As I said, I’m not a Walter Worker. I’m part of the legal team, I’m an Attorney

The Spine: Ah, Walter Attorney Bill, my mistake.

Bill: Or you could just call me Bill- Anyways, next question: Do you have any ill will towards humanity due to any injustices you have faced at their hands?

The Spine: No, no, You don’t have to worry about that, Rabbit and Zer0 got rid of the mysterious force that was trying to take control of me ages ago.

Bill: I’m sorry, what?

The Spine: Yeah, I was confused too, at the time. There was this big talking floating brain with a top hat, and a device called the echo engine? It’s all taken care of now though, like I said, so I’m all good.

Bill: I am fairly certain a brain cannot float, or even survive without the other vital organs. And a brain certainly cannot speak without being connected to the necessary organs and structures…

The Spine: Yeah, well, I’ve seen stranger beings. Anywho, what’s the next question?

Bill: Oh uh-right. What are examples of ways you feel you have been treated unfairly by humans or by society, that could be avoided if you had the protection of the law?

The Spine: Well, getting sent off to war, for one thing. They used us for things that humans couldn’t survive. We all sustained a lot of damage, and have a lot of painful memories from that time. I think that’s the main thing. I’m glad we don’t have to fight in any wars anymore.

Bill: I am sorry you had to go through all that. That sounds like it was a very hard time for all of you.

The Spine: It’s over now, and that’s what’s important.

Bill: Right. Do you believe that achieving equal protections under the law would benefit all automatons and AIs in the country?

The Spine: Well, I don’t see why it wouldn’t. It would be nice for humans to see us as real people. Maybe I could actually get paid for my work in the band, and I could buy another roomba.

Bill: Okay then, what do you think are the most important rights that should be focused on first?

The Spine: Well, I’d like to have the right to not be someone else’s property. I want to make my own decisions, and to get paid for my work.

Bill: Ah. Bodily autonomy and workers’ rights.

The Spine: Yes, and it would be nice if I had the right to own property so I could reference that the next time Zer0 steals my toy fire truck.

Bill: I’m sorry, you have a toy fire truck?

The Spine: I don’t have it right now, because Zer0 stole it! And as soon as I find it, I’m taking it back!

*Receding footsteps*

Bill: Well, I got all the questions I needed answered. That was a bit odd.

OHM: If you think The Spine is bad, the others are much worse.

Bill: Huh, that’s weird, a blue hair. I didn’t know that was possible. Oh well, I’ll just pull it out

Transmission Ends.

Chapter Text

Begin transmission:

OHM: Now recording.

Bill: Thank you for agreeing to this interview, Zer0

Zer0: Oh, sure thing Walter Attorney Bill! It’s always fun to answer some questions.

Bill: How exactly did you know that’s what the-

Zer0: Word travels fast on the Walter wifi! Now, what’s the first question?

Bill: The first one is an easy one. Can you state your name and date of creation?

Zer0: Oh! Yes I can!

Bill: Are you going to?

Zer0: Oh, if you want me to!

Bill: I do. I do want you to do that.

Zer0: Okay, Zer0 Walter and I don’t know!

Bill: You sincerely don’t know the date when you were created?

Zer0: Well, it’s hard to say, see I used to be three different robots but then I got combined into one.

Bill: I see.

Zer0: It was probably some time around 1896 though. That’s a fun year. Did you know it’s the name of our most recent album?

Bill: Yes, I did know that. Now, Do you, to the best of your knowledge, believe yourself to be a fully sentient, sapient lifeform?

Zer0: uhh what does sentient mean?

Bill: It means able to perceive things.

Zer0: uhuh and what does sapient mean?

Bill: Possessing judgment, intelligent and coherent thought. That’s how I’m defining it for the purpose of my interviews, anyway. Now, do you think you’re those things?

Zer0: Yes. No. Yes? Maybe. Okay, what’s the right answer?

Bill: There’s really no right answer, Zer0. It’s just about if you think you’re a real, living person.

Zer0: I think so. I guess I am!

Bill: Good for you. Next question, do you experience emotion?

Zer0: Oh all the time! I’m so good at it, I’m experiencing emotion right now.

Bill: This interview is not, in any way, a competition, but I suppose that counts as an answer. What is your opinion on morality and the social contract?

Zer0: uhh

Bill: Let me guess, you don’t know what either of those are?

Zer0: No, I do think there is some merit to an implicit agreement among members of society to cooperate for the common good and betterment of society, although such an agreement can be confusing to some due to it’s implicit nature, and restricting to others when people sacrifice too much personal freedom for public safety. But morality is a much harder concept to have an opinion on, due to the vague nature of it. Most people would say they like morality, because most people believe themselves to be good people, but one person’s idea of morality could be vastly different from another person’s, so it would seem like a bit of a pointless question.

Bill: Oh, huh. That was a surprisingly thought out response, Zer0. That really gives me some things to contemplate about my interview questions, and-what are you doing?

Zer0: I found this thing in your pocket.

Bill: That’s my pocket protector, give it back please.

Zer0: I wanna put it in my mouth.

Bill: Please don’t. I need that.

Zer0, muffled: It tastes like pencil lead

Bill: Please, just take it out of your mouth, I haven’t finished the interview yet.

Zero: Fine… What’s next?

Bill: Do you have any ill will towards humanity due to any injustices you have faced at their hands?

Zer0: No, I can’t get sick. And I don’t know anyone named Will. As for a face and hands, I do have those!

Bill: What? No, that’s not what I meant, I-

Zer0: Man, I’m nailing this, next question!

Bill: Wait, I think you misinterpreted my question, I wasn’t actually done yet-

*Paper rustling*

Zer0: What are examples of ways you feel you have been treated unfairly by humans or by society, that could be avoided if you had the protection of the law? Well, if the law could protect me like a safety blanket, that would be really nice. I wish I had had a blanket when they locked me in the basement for a long time.

Bill: They did what? I’m sorry, could you elaborate on that? Also give me my questions back please.

Zer0: Oh, I don’t really like to think about it, but basically after the war I was put in the basement for a long time, but it’s okay cause I made friends with Beebop!

Bill: One of the AIs that resides in the manor.

Zer0: Yeah, I know who Beebop is!

Bill: I know you know, I was just clarifying for the records.

Zer0: Records, wait this is recording?

Bill: Yes, OHM has been recording the whole time, he stated it at the beginning of this whole interview, and I asked if you were okay with being recorded and you said yes.

Zer0: Oh, okay… um… what’s the next question?

Bill: You still have my sheet with all the questions on it. If you give it back, I can read it to you.

Zer0: No, I got it, the answer’s yes.

Bill: You need to let me read the question, this is for an audio record.

Zer0: But I like the paper. It’s my friend now.

Bill: I am fairly certain that the paper is not alive. But, I do remember the question, so I suppose you can hold onto it for now. The question was; Do you believe that achieving equal protections under the law would benefit all automatons and AIs in the country? And could you repeat your answer?

Zer0: Why? I already said it

Bill: Please, just say it again, for the records.

Zer0: Okay, yes. There, now what’s next… What do you think are the most important rights that should be focused on first?

Bill: This is not at all how this interview was supposed to go.

Zer0: I think… That it would be nice if we had the right to go wherever we wanted because the Walters never let me out of the manor without supervision and the Walter Workers who go with me never want to do anything fun! And sometimes they just tell me I can’t.

Bill: I think I can see why.

Zer0: What was that?

Bill: Nothing. Please just give me my papers back so I can go.

Zer0: Oh, ok! It was nice talking to you! Always good to hear from the fans.

Bill: I work here!

Zer0: Right! Silly me, See ya around Walter Attorney Bill!

Bill: You really don’t have to call me that.

Transmission ends.

Supplemental: The night after my interview with Zer0 Walter, a whole streak of my hair turned blue. I have traced instances of blue hair to be a result of blue matter exposure, but I had no idea that it could be caused just by talking to the robots for an extended period of time. It looks unprofessional, so I had to remove the blue hairs. My hair does look a bit more uneven now, but hopefully, with any luck it will grow back a normal color. Besides, an uneven and slightly patchy haircut is better than bright blue hair. No one would take me seriously with that. -Bill Sims

Chapter Text

Begin transmission:

OHM: Now recording.

Rabbit: Man, I ha-haven’t seen OHM since the nineties when he was put in that basement.

OHM: I can still hear you, you know.

Rabbit: Yeah, and you’re doing great!

Bill: I’m glad you’re happy to see him, but let’s get to the interview, if that’s okay with you, Rabbit?

Rabbit: sure! I’m ready, a-ask me your questions, Walter Attorney Bill!

Bill: That’s not my- never mind. Can you please state your name and date of creation for the record?

Rabbit: A tip top idea! My na-na-name is Rabbit! And I was built back in 1896, you know, back when it was still illegal for women to read and write and all the men dressed like Mr. Peanut. I’m like a priceless antique!

Bill: Are you quite finished?

Rabbit: YoucouldsayI’veagedlikeafinemilk! Okay, now I’m done.

Bill: What day were you built, do you know?

Rabbit: I was finished being built on the day Colonel Peter A Walter I completed me!

Bill: Yes, but on what day?

Rabbit: I think it was a Tuesday!

Bill: What month and day of the month?

Rabbit: Oh, if you w-w-wanted that you shoulda just said so! It was January the seventh!

Bill: Finally, thank you. Next question: Do you, to the best of your knowledge, believe yourself to be a fully sentient, sapient lifeform?

Rabbit: What’re you, a cop?

Bill: No, I’m head of the Walter Robotics legal team, and you agreed to this interview, remember?

Rabbit: If you’re the head, then who’s the foot of the Wa-walter Robotics legal team?

Bill: No, that’s not what I-

Rabbit: I g-g-g-guess it’d have to be OHM since he’s the only other one in the department… But still, it would be hard to function without the rest of the body!

Bill: The department is not a living thing! Head is just a way of saying I’m the one in charge.

Rabbit: Ohhh I see. What were we talking about again?

Bill: The question was ‘do you, to the best of your knowledge, believe yourself to be a fully sentient, sapient lifeform?’

Rabbit: Oh, yeah, obviously! Only a real dummins would struggle answering a question li-like that!

Bill: Next question, do you experience emotion?

Rabbit: Definitely. I’m pr-probably the best one here at experiencing emotion! Way better than Zer0 is.

Bill: Rabbit, it’s not a competition. It has never been a competition. Please don’t treat it like a competition.

Rabbit: Okay jeez, y-you don’t gotta get so snippy about it!

Bill: Apologies. I’ve just had similar problems with my interview with Zer0.

Rabbit: Yeah, he’s not great at interviews… But don’t worry, I’m r-r-real good at em! Even better than the Spine!

Bill: Recent evidence would suggest otherwise…

Rabbit: SO! You gonna ask me the next qu-question or what? Go on! Ask me! Ya can’t have an interview without questions!

Bill: O-oh okay. What is your opinion on morality and the social contract?

Rabbit: KILL ALL HUMANS. KILL ALL HUMANS. Nah, I’m just joking! Hurting people is bad being nice to people is good blah blah sharing is caring.

Bill: I would appreciate it if you refrained from making jokes like that during the interview. I intend to use this for legal purposes. In a case that, if successful, could be revolutionary for the advancement of the rights of inorganic sapient lifeforms like yourself.

Rabbit: Asking me to not make jokes is like asking a toaster to not make delicious wonder bread toast!

Bill: Can you at least try your best? The next question is: Do you have any ill will towards humanity due to any injustices you have faced at their hands?

Rabbit: Humans. Man, they do some real not great things! But they do s-s-some good things too, and sometimes they make cool stuff like movies and chicken wings so I guess they’re n-not all bad!

Bill: Why, exactly, do you care about food? I was under the impression that you couldn’t eat, being a robot?

Rabbit: Haha! You sound like The Spine when you say that.

Bill: Yes but why- Never mind, it’s not pertinent to the interview. Next question: what are examples of ways you feel you have been treated unfairly by humans or by society, that could be avoided if you had the protection of the law?

Rabbit: Boy, that’s a mouthful! What did the others say? I bet Zer0 said the basement and Hatchworth said the vault-

Bill: I didn’t interview Hatchworth, he doesn’t live here anymore. Surely you know that.

Rabbit: Oh right! He went goldfishing!

Bill: Anyway, it doesn’t matter what the other interviewees said, just answer the question please.

Rabbit: Uhh well, when Five said that I couldn’t turn our backyard into an amusement park, that made me pretty sad.

Bill: That’s not an injustice, that just sounds like common sense.

Rabbit: W-w-well maybe you’re part of the problem!

Bill: What does that even mean?! Never mind, I don’t want to know, let’s just keep going. Do you believe that achieving equal protections under the law would benefit all automatons and AIs in the country?

Rabbit: Yeah! Then maybe we can take over the world!

Bill: Rabbit!

Rabbit: Okay, okay, jeez! You never let me have any f-fun.

Bill: What exactly do you mean by never? I just met you today, a few minutes ago. Now can you give an actual, sincere answer to the question, please?

Rabbit: Uh, yeah! It would benefit everyone. Except maybe GG. I don’t wanna unleash her on the world, that would be a catastrophe!

Bill: You think that GG the Giraffe does not deserve rights just because you dislike her?

Rabbit: Eh, I’m m-mostly just fooling around. These q-questions are really boring!

Bill: I’m trying to help you! I’m trying to make a case for why automatons and AIs should get rights just like people because they ARE PEOPLE! But how am I supposed to do that when none of you will take this seriously?! It’s actually starting to make me wonder if you’re not really people, because surely any SANE person would give some serious thought to the matter of their BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS! I mean, any group in history that was fighting for their rights did so respectfully, intelligently, and seriously. I can’t tell if there’s something wrong with you that makes it so you literally can’t take a single thing seriously, or if you just don’t care at all!

Rabbit: Ah jeez, I d-d-didn’t know you felt that way Bill. I’m s-s-sorry.

Bill: You… you really mean it?

Rabbit: Y-y-yeah. I’ll answer your next question with no jokes, honest. I never realized this was so important to y-y-y-y-y-y-y-

Gears churning, steam hissing, servos buzzing. Rabbit powers down.

Bill: Oh no, Rabbit’s having a malfunction. What do I do?

OHM: Data from your application to Walter Robotics suggests you have the necessary background in engineering required to fix a malfunction at this level.

Bill: But wouldn’t it be better to call a certified technician?

OHM: All technicians are currently occupied dealing with a blue matter portal that manifested in living room 8.

Bill: But I don’t know how to fix a Blue Matter core!

OHM: I have the digitized version of Rabbit’s blueprints, and I can provide a walkthrough.

Bill: Alright. It’s lucky there’s a spare set of tools nearby.

OHM: Luck has nothing to do with it, the Walters have measures in place to make fixing random malfunctions around the manor easier for everyone involved.

Bill: Alright, let’s get started.

OHM: First, open the front access panel.

*Chassis shifts, steam hisses, blue matter energy crackles*

Bill: Okay, what ne-OW! I think I got shocked or something.

OHM: I will be able to give more rapid and detailed instructions if I dedicate more of my processing power to this task. I will have to end the recording for this.

Bill: Yeah, that’s a good idea, do that, OHM.

Transmission ends.

Transmission continues:

OHM: Resume recording.

Rabbit: Thanks again for fixing me up, Walter Attorney Bill!

Bill: Well, I wasn’t just going to leave you like that. Not with a problem in both your Self-Osilating Utilitarian Lifesource and your auxiliary cooling vents.

Rabbit: Even though I ma-made you real mad?

Bill: I think you have a right to be repaired when you break down, and that doesn’t change when I’m feeling upset.

OHM: He was so focused, he didn’t even notice when Marshmallow came running past, away from living room 8.

Bill: Oh, is that what the giant cat was called? I noticed, I just figured it wasn’t worth taking my focus off fixing Rabbit.

Rabbit: Even though he’s really really weird?

Bill: He’s not that weird, even though I’m pretty sure that breaks the square-cube law. I actually thought he was rather cute.

Rabbit: Where’d your tie go? I thought y-you never took that thing off?

Bill: It was getting in the way. Besides, I ended up needing it to wrap my hand to protect it a bit more from burns when working around your boiler area.

Rabbit: Well… I pro-promised you a serious answer for your interview, so you’re gonna get it! Ask your question, lawyer man!

Bill: Okay, the final question is: What do you think are the most important rights that should be focused on first?

Rabbit: Hmm… I think all human rights are kinda important because denying any one would be denying our personhood, but it’d be pre-pretty unrealistic to expect it to happen all at once. Definitely the right to life, I often worry that if there’s no use for me, I’ll get turned off, but I also think an important one is a right to be repaired, y-y-y-y-you know? Humans deserve to have someone he-help them when they get sick, so I think us robots should be able to have people repair us when we break down, or just when we feel like we want to change. I was so glad th-th-that Six was willing to upgrade me to look like I was always meant to, but other robots might not get that ch-chance since it isn’t a guarantee.

Bill: That was great! Thank you, Rabbit. That was a really good answer.

Rabbit: Thanks! Say, what’s th-that you’re doing with your hands?

Bill: Oh, apologies. I need to go. I have a meeting.

Rabbit: But there’s only two people in your department!

Transmission ends.

Chapter Text

Bill looked at the time on his computer before he powered it down. 1:24 AM. He had been up late into the night coming through the interview transcripts for any useful information for this case he was putting together, in addition to doing his regular work. When the screen went black at last, he saw his reflection, and something seemed off. His reflection was not completely clear in the black screen, but he could tell his hair did not look the same as it usually did. His heart rate picked up immediately as he rushed to his bathroom to confirm what he saw. What he saw in the mirror couldn’t be denied. His hair had completely turned blue.

“What!? No no no no it’s too soon! I had thought there would be a risk but why would it spread so completely in just a few weeks?!” He ran his fingers through his hair in a panic, seeing that there wasn’t a single hair that was the usual brown he had come to be comfortable with. It wasn’t even that he didn’t like blue- blue was his favorite color- but he knew that no one took people with colored hair seriously.

“Please please let this be a prank or something, this can’t be happening” He muttered to himself as he turned on the water in the shower, he turned the water pressure all the way up, and tried shampooing it out, scrubbing so hard his hands hurt. His hair stayed the same vibrant blue, just as he dreaded. It wasn’t some dye that someone had put in while he had fallen asleep sometime around 11 in the middle of working, and it wasn’t a dream, he confirmed as he checked the time again, and it just said 1:25, which made sense. What didn’t make sense was this bright blue embarrassment on his head. “Why me? I’ve seen engineers who have been working on the robots directly for years that just have one blue streak! This doesn’t make sense!” Nothing about the place he worked made sense, and the last thing he wanted was for him to be corrupted by the nonsense of that place.

He thought about what his mentor back in law school would have said if he had seen him like this, as he paced back and forth, wondering what to do. How would you expect to be taken seriously when your head looks like a goddamn Smurf? No one will take you seriously if you don’t look like you take yourself seriously. He had to fix this, and he could see only one solution. Most hats couldn’t cover all his hair, and he knew from the experience of other people at Walter Robotics that dye would not do anything. He raced back to the bathroom.
Rummaging through drawer after drawer, he tossed aside backup hair products and soap to the ground in his panic. “Where is it, where is it, where IS IT?” In the haze of his panic, he forgot his meticulous organizational system, but eventually his shaking hands found what he was looking for-an electric razor. He looked at his reflection one more time. His eyes were red from crying, and his skin was pale from spending a lot of time inside, and his hair was still that horrible, brilliant, unacceptable blue.

He turned the razor on and raised it to his head. His hands were shaking, and he didn’t use the electric razor often, as he usually didn’t like the noise it made, but it was the best tool for the enormity of the task at hand. Whether it was the shaking of his hands or the tears clouding his eyes, his hand slipped, and the razor cut his scalp. He was actually relieved when the blood that resulted was still red. He kept shaving, promising himself he would deal with the injury after. Luckily, he didn’t cut himself again, and after a bit more shaving, the blue was gone from his head.

He put a band-aid on his cut and cleaned his bathroom after that, not wanting a reminder, but there was going to be a reminder of it every time he sees himself in the mirror. At least being bald was acceptable in the professional world, but he would miss having hair on his head. Better to have no hair than bright blue hair that would surely make him the subject of ridicule to anyone outside of Walter Robotics. Inside Walter Robotics, people probably wouldn’t bat an eye if someone wore a clown suit to work, and he couldn’t imagine a worse fate than becoming like them.

He didn’t sleep at all that night, between the stress and the strange sensation of the air on his scalp. He hadn’t realized how much his hair had protected his head from the texture of his pillow. When his alarm went off at 6:00 AM in the morning, he did not feel rested at all, but he still showered, got dressed, and had breakfast. When he was eating his breakfast, he checked his tablet to see what work he had to do today. The yellow-lined face of OHM appeared on the screen. Its face looked just like a circuit schematic, but humans can see faces in anything. The lines depicting the symbol for a power source seemed to blink, before its resistor-mouth moved as its voice came from the tablet’s speakers. “Good morning, Bill. Are you aware that your hair is gone?”

Bill sighed heavily. “Good morning, OHM. Yes, I know. It all turned blue, so I had to get rid of it all. It’s not the most comfortable but it beats looking like a clown.”

OHM’s simple face somehow managed to convey confusion through its simple lines. “You are aware that most, if not all of the engineers and staff at Walter Robotics have blue hair?”

Bill nodded “Yes, I did know that, OHM. What’s your point?”

“You don’t treat them like they are clowns,” It pointed out

“That’s not the same. They can’t help having blue hair due to their job, and it’s completely normal within Walter Robotics, but I have to communicate with outside groups, so I need to look professional, and that means no brightly colored hair. I know they can do strange and silly things, and that’s fine for them, but if I am going to interact with other companies’ legal departments and the government, I have to be more professional.” He suppressed a yawn “That’s just the way it is.”

“It seems like you had a stressful night. I recommend you take a day off for your mental health in order to avoid burnout, which would be damaging to your productivity.” OHM cared more about his friend than about productivity, but he also knew enough about Bill to know what the man would be more likely to be persuaded by.

“Alright, Bill. I trust your judgment. I have a few spare sick days anyway, and I could use the break," he admitted. He trusted that OHM would not ask him to stay home if the AI didn’t think it was important.

OHM’s face on the screen rotated like a loading screen for a few seconds before responding “I have notified Walter Robotics. You can go back to bed now.”

“Thank you, OHM, you’re a lifesaver.”