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The Fright Zone looked like it would be a hot place, especially to those who had never entered. Eerie lights shining through spires and buildings with strange shapes. It was usually pretty warm but it was hard to tell a difference when you were pouring sweat after your fifth consecutive day of leg and core training paired with a timed course.
Catra had heard of other places, the ones she saw on the holo screens during presentations of the neighboring kingdoms and landscape around where their nest was holed up. They had lots of green forest, stacked high with leaves and branches that sometimes would move in a gentle breeze. When she was younger she would daydream and wonder if the wind would feel good if it blew through her hair. There was still rain and sun where they were, usually partially obstructed by the cracked semi-sphere that encased the entire sprawl. She could be lighter than air if she could just get out…
It was the easiest thing to fade into during the dull, repetitive lectures. The massive mountains, vast oceans, anywhere had to be better than here. One day when she was older, she would get to go out on more missions. Shadow Weaver never encouraged that, actually tearing her down to remind her no level of success from her would grant her enough valor to let her roam freely as a Commander or Captain.
Shadow Weaver would threaten to dump her outside of the safety of the only home she’d ever known and as a child – making her cry with fear. The quiet repetition of her words played on a loop in Catra’s mind, having the power to make her freeze or drive herself mad with something to prove.
The drive of many of the cadets burned hot like the rising temperatures of the day, but in the night, the temperatures of the barracks and all of the buildings would plummet, even when the day was seering. Like the surrounding desert, it wasn’t designed for comfort.
In the days before rigorous training and day long debriefing and testing, they were just children. Even though in the Horde, you were never just a child. Still responsible for learning the ins and outs of a budding soldier which usually meant knowing when to fall in line – something Catra never seemed to be able to get the hang of without a swift hand or a voice loud enough to make her shake to remind her.
Adora knew how, though. She picked up on daily schedules and who to be especially careful around way before Catra and the others in their cohort did. When Catra did get berated by a Commander, Adora would look close to tears herself, like she was the one on the ground cowering under the shadow of a weapon clad adult that they had to listen to and follow orders from everyday.
After all of the failure, still Adora wasn’t scared to reach out. She would quietly elbow Catra to remind her to copy her own form or motion with her eyes when someone entered the hall and it was time for them to cease talking. It helped most of the time. Their superiors chalked it up to their own ability to keep their wards under their thumb.
Sometimes Catra found herself unable to stop from being resentful of Adora and her over willingness to help someone she thought needed it. Catra’s small throat would let out a hiss or shake off her touch when her mind told her that her best friend was against her too.
But it still was far from a warm, welcoming place.
The chill during the night never bothered Catra. It was one of the rare times her genetics served her, usually only commented on in snide remarks or used to taunt her from the older cadets. Rojelio struggled a lot, curling into himself or getting a gifted pillow from Kyle to use as extra coverage.
Catra could feel the structure of their bunk shiver at night. The metal was thin and unanchored so when one of them would move, it would alert the bunkmate easily. Catra would tell Adora she was lucky she didn’t get the bottom bunk because she would place her feet on the underside of her mattress and kick it every night.
A large tuft of brown hair peered over the side when she would look down at Adora in the dark. She would be balled up, trying to conserve her heat and keeping her legs tucked close. The blankets they had were scratchy and never did much to actually keep them warm.
The dorm monitors had caught Catra out of bed a few times before– sneaking to the bathroom or trying to retrieve a small stash of food she placed behind crates earlier in the day.
They seemed to willfully look past any discomforts the cadets had. Snide remarks would be thrown as reminders that this wasn’t a resort that revolved around their comfort.
When the light and footsteps faded further away, Catra’s short legs swung over the side of her bunk. The height was one of the things she found enjoyment in. She could leap up clumsily, grasping onto the mattress to heave herself up when it was time for lights out and always landed on her feet when she jumped down in the morning. Seeing Adora smile when she did it made her mirror the look back, giving her a tickling feeling in her belly.
Quietly dropping to the ground, she leaned onto her friend’s cot and tapped her shoulder. Folds of blankets turned toward her, revealing a cocooned Adora who still tried to brandish a brave face. When she saw it was her friend, her face went from surprise to relief then back to concern.
“Catra? What’s wrong?”
Her voice was small, hushed to keep the whisper between the two of them. Catra wasted no time and began to nudge her over.
“Scooch over,” she ordered, stepping onto the mat to reach for her own blanket that she left on the top bunk.
Her tiny features were hesitant, but she moved at the request. Catra made her hesitation wash away. She moved onto her side of the bed, squaring herself up with the mattress and trying her best to get the large blanket onto Adora’s side too.
“You’re gonna get in trouble!” she hissed, urging her to think about what she was doing. She was still shaking under the added layer of blanket.
“And you’re gonna freeze to death so shh!” she snipped back.
The light blue of her eyes look Catra’s round face up and down. Adora never wanted trouble to come within a mile of her but could already feel the added warmth from Catra and the new blanket creating a cozy bundle around them. They lay in silence for a bit, hearing the far off conversations of those on watch from the other end of the rotunda. Everything echoed, cold and harsh. Catra peeked at Adora again, who was laying on her side with the blankets pulled up level with her shoulders and her hands clasped together near the curve of her chin. She rolled, facing further from Adora and squeezing her eyes shut. She didn’t like Adora looking at her like that, it made her feel funny.
“Quit staring and go to bed,”
“Sorry…” Adora replied sheepishly, snuggling deeper into the hold of the cloth and feeling a little embarrassed for being caught. “This is a lot better. Thanks Catra.”
Her ears shifted on their own and she wasn’t sure if Adora was moving to find the best sleeping position or if she moved a little closer to her on purpose. The two closed their eyes, leaving the top bunk stripped and abandoned for the night.
The low hum of purring would weave through the sounds of them and the other cadets snores and breathes during the night.
Somewhere in the comfort of the night and the early dawn, Catra would feel around to make sure Adora was still there. It became more common and wasn’t something either of them really discussed during the day, it was the little scrap of comfort the two managed to pull from their surroundings.
After hard days, they would clasp hands together while they were both curled into matching positions face to face. Nights where Catra would shake and cry after a severe beating from Shadow Weaver, Adora would hold her and bring her back together again until her sobs spaced out and the two fell asleep together.
They grew out of their younger years before they knew it, still the same kids forced to grow up before their time. Into adolescence and their teen years, they still hung onto the familiarity of sharing a bed when they hadn’t seen each other during course work that day or if Adora didn’t do as well as she wanted on a stamina challenge.
One night when they were back to their bunks, they managed to beat the rest of cadets who were still getting their feedback on sessions from the senior leads. The two girls lay perpendicular on Catra’s top bunk with their legs hanging off the side.
Even in the rare moment alone, they kept their voices quiet, worried that any sound too loud would invite more noise and make them return to duty.
Catra looked at the slate gray of the pipes that lined the ceiling like they were in a maze searching for their own way out while Adora spoke. “I know I did better on the last sim and this one was actually easier so I think I was just messed up when…”
Catra huffed with a gentle smack of the back of her hand against Adora’s stomach, causing her hands to move up to cover. “You probably did better than you think Miss Perfection. Better than I got…” her voice sounded a little more sour than she had meant it. She swung her left leg to get the jitters out of her. It was too easy to sound negative lately.
“You did good too. You do a lot better when you actually try you know,” The friendly advice made Catra groan. She didn’t need life coaching advice right now.
“Pass.”
“Doesn’t it make you…nervous?” the blonde rolled slightly, laying on her side and propping up her head in her hand.
“The conditioning? Or what?”
Adora placed all of her value squarely based on external validation, something Catra already learned not to depend on something that had no reliability.
Her lips tightened, she looked around like the words she wanted might be laying on the tattered blanket in front of her. “Nervous to do- to be- I don’t know!” she let her hand drop, letting her face follow onto the thin mattress. The more she tried to explain, the further the clarity distanced from her.
“I don’t think I’m ever nervous,” Catra boasted, half joking. Gray eyes shot her a look when they peered up.
“Okay, sure…”
“You know what I mean. Not nervous for dumb stuff like that,” she was well aware Adora had been witness to some of the scariest moments in Catra’s life, but she would never bring it up.
“...other than actual scary stuff, nothing makes you worried?” her earnest voice asked, lowering her volume again.
The silence itself made her feel like hours had passed since she spoke. She thought about realistic things that would make a person nervous. Kyle didn’t like spiders, a lot of other cadets didn’t like the thunder when sandstorms flared up outside, but after enduring her caregiver…she had to really think of something trivial that made her feel the same level of powerlessness that she did.
When she looked back to Adora to deliver the lackluster answer, Adora rested her head again, this time just against the sides of Catra’s arms.
The movement made the inside of her ribs feel tight. She had noticed that with the snap second changes in moods, she felt different around her friend. It was enough to know that it wasn’t bad , just strange.
She still would fall asleep next to her friend or sometimes at the end of her bed to give a little more space as they grew but now she felt like she was going to be caught by Adora for stealing a couple extra seconds of looking at her before she woke up in the mornings.
Adora had long changed her sleepwear to accommodate for the freezing nights but she never told Catra she didn’t need her there anymore. While Adora didn’t tease her, Catra made up for it by doubling down and channeling her frustrations on her. What was she doing to make her feel this way? Was it something Shadow Weaver did to mold her into the soldier she wanted her to be?
Mornings with Adora’s arm draped over her felt like a trap she would voluntarily snare herself in forever if she could.
Adora was everyone’s favorite and somehow Catra had managed to fall for it right along with all of them, it was frustrating.
Some days she felt lighter than a feather, the two could do anything together only to feel encumbered by the heaviest weight she had ever carried.
“Worried…yeah,” she answered, a phantom lump threatening to close her throat and silence her. Adora looked up, her face was so close that Catra was glad she was laying down so she wouldn’t be tempted to inch closer.
“What’s wrong Catra?”
It wasn’t like her to admit when something was bothering her, Adora was primed and ready to hone in and fix it.
“It’s not…wrong…I don’t think,” she stammered, wishing she had just shut up. “I just get um, I miss people when they’re not around sometimes.”
Adora tried to make sense of the confusion. “But you hate everyone?”
“Not everyone,” she admitted quietly.
Adora let out a small laugh, “Well duh, not me because we’re friends.”
She was so close to piecing it together, still Catra hoped that the true meaning would be left in the dark. Things like her were supposed to be left, long forgotten and a problem she could take care of on her own. That part of herself would be easily tucked away in a box to be shoved somewhere deep down where it wouldn’t matter anymore.
She could only nod.
Adora sat up, thinking again. “I worry about you a lot too.”
Catra’s face felt hot. She wanted to hide away but still found solace in it. Catra had a knack for getting reprimanded, so it was natural for her friend to constantly be worried about her. It was kinda dumb of her.
“Sometimes when you’re by me, I feel- worried too, I think.”
“I’m okay though,” Adora smiled, reassuring her friend.
“I know…I just…I don’t want you to go sometimes and…”
The loud swish of a door sliding open cut off the rest of her thoughts, another group of cadets, loud and back to take their rest and relax in the barracks. The two still sat on the top bunk, high above the others before Lonnie came over to tell Adora she set the new record for the newest shooting simulator.
“Aw, well enjoy it while it lasts cause I’ll be testing it out tomorrow!” Adora challenged. The moment had died and Catra felt drained and ready to crawl under her blanket forever. Adora slid off the bunk to join the chatter, while Catra decided she would be fine sleeping alone that night.
It had been a couple days, maybe weeks since Adora asked her to cover while she went out to the Whispering Woods. She hadn’t made good on her promise to come back and after seeing the glowing princess she had turned into, it made Catra feel bitter to see her empty bunk every morning.
She all but begged her to come back home. Things wouldn’t be okay if they weren’t together but there she was, walking out on her to live an exciting new life beyond the Fright Zone.
Even without her here, somehow she still managed to stay stuck as second best. Shadow Weaver tried to intimidate her to get Adora back and all the cadets tried to ask her what she knew and it only fueled her resentment more. It hurt but was beyond clear that Adora wasn’t who she thought she was. A friend wouldn’t leave her behind like she did. She had already resorted to tearing apart her bed, slashing at the small drawing that decorated the inside of Adora’s bunk.
If she wasn’t going to care, then Catra could do the same. It was a skill she had practiced her entire life. It was time to move on from the memories that were dead to her now, she was ready to take the lead on bigger and better things.