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The weather outside was a perfect match for the mood inside the loft. Dark, gloomy, rainy. Everything felt bad in the aftermath of the factory explosion call. They both expected to experience the hardships of dating a first responder, on an alternating basis, playing musical chairs between being the injured and being the one waiting. But the one thing they hadn’t been entirely prepared for was how to cope with a shared experience, a shared call with shared trauma.
Tommy had the urge to keep his hands moving, but he couldn’t work in his garage or get some Muay Thai in, staying at Evan’s for the night. So he busied himself with teaming up with Evan in the kitchen, acting as a sous chef and doing the prep to help out. Evan, in turn, was the one taking the lead. Cooking was a great decompression activity for him, and it always led to him sharing a wonderful meal with his boyfriend.
But this evening was different. It had a decidedly more serious energy. Evan recognized that it was often his mood that set the tone, mostly because Tommy was consistently trying to match his tone. But this time, he found himself noticing his older counterpart was more subdued and in his own head then usual. He was aware that because it had to do with the call they were on together. He was aware that Tommy was only ever shaken in this particular way when he was worried about his team, specifically about his best friend.
“I’m worried about her too,” Evan offered as he began to set the meal up on the table for them to eat. “Do you think she’s gonna be okay?”
There was a decidedly darkened expression on Tommy’s face as he set the table. “She almost died last month, and now this...I don’t know, Evan.” This was deeper than any worry he’d ever had on his face in Evan’s presence, not feeling the need to mask or hold it back. “I don’t always get to work with River and Liv, so I don’t know what it’s like for them to see each other in dangerous situations on a consistent basis.”
Sitting down at the table and serving the salad, Evan asked, “Are they a...?” He let the question hang in the air.
Tommy sat down as Evan spoke, the question giving him pause. “If they were dating, I wouldn’t know. Liv and I don’t talk about that kind of stuff, we don’t acknowledge it at work.”
Evan raised an eyebrow in mild confusion and disbelief.
“She doesn't talk much about her love life, not even to me,” Tommy explained, “It’s been an unspoken rule since...that one month Olivia and I dated, before I was truly honest with myself, and with the world around me. When I said that Liv’s the reason I am who I am today, she was the person who showed me a safe place to be myself...even when I broke her heart.”
Evan nodded in understanding. “I know how hard it can be to be in love with someone who doesn’t love you back the same way...”
“That was 7 years ago. I think we’ve moved past all that. We’re just platonic soulmates who love each other so much and would do anything for each other.”
“Like me and Eddie.”
Tommy nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner...I just...I wanted to hold off until Liv was comfortable with you. And I wanted her permission too. It’s her story as much as it is mine. She told me to tell you everything whenever I saw fit to do it. I was just waiting for the right time...”
Evan nodded in understanding. “I’m not upset. I’ve been curious about your history but I’m not mad you didn’t tell me right away. She loves you, I can tell even if I haven’t heard her say it. I’m glad you have someone in your corner like her. Sometimes, family is the one person who tries their hardest to show up no matter what and keeps trying even when they mess up.”
Tommy nodded. “I’ve never been this worried about her before. She was always so strong, and confident. She always seemed so unflappable to me.”
“I wish I knew how to help. She’s been nothing but amazing to me.” There was a pause before Evan suggested, “Why don’t you call her?”
Tommy placed his phone flat between the two of them and hit Olivia’s number to dial her up, putting the call on speaker, continuing their meal through the entire conversation.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Liv, it’s us,” Tommy started.
“Wanted to check in, see how you were doing,” Evan chimed in.
“It’s been a really long day.”
“We know, we’ve worried about you.” Evan was the first to respond with his gentle, soothing voice.
“I was actually going to call. I was wondering if you'd be okay with me hiding out at your place, Tom.”
“My place? For the hot tub? In the rain?”
“Yeah, I thought it would be nice. I wanted to make sure it was okay with you first.”
“I’m staying over at Evan’s tonight so you'd have the place to yourself. You should be okay to use the hot tub.” Tommy waited a beat before asking, “How’s River doing? Heard anything after we left?”
“No change. Still in the coma. The McAllisters promised to keep me posted. I couldn’t stay because I wasn’t immediate family.”
“Yeah, that sucks,” Evan told Olivia, “Are you gonna be okay on your own?”
“Yeah, nothing a little hot tub in the rain moment can’t fix.”
Glancing at Tommy, it was clear to Evan that he wasn’t convinced.
“Call if you need us.”
“I will, Tom.” There was a beat before Olivia added, “Evan, can you text me Eddie’s number? I just wanted to thank him for earlier.”
Evan was already on his phone, fulfilling the request. “Is that it?” he asked a moment later.
“Yeah, talk to you guys later.”
After the call was over, they continued eating quietly, both men deep in thought for different reasons. Evan could sense something was wrong just by talking to Olivia but it was Tommy’s sustained worried expression that made him understand how serious the situation was.
“Babe, what’s wrong?”
“I wish I could tell you, I have no idea what’s going on with Liv and that really worries me,” Tommy confessed as he began clearing his dishes from the table, “She’s never been this distant before...”
Evan stood to join Tommy at the kitchen sink with his own dishes, adding them to the pile before turning to hug his boyfriend. “We’re gonna be okay. All of us. River and Liv too.”
“I hope so.”