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Hospitals fucking suck. Katsuki has known this as a fact for longer than he cares to think about and it’s all one damn kid’s fault.
Midoriya Izuku.
He met the guy when he was 4 years old in preschool and, according to their parents, they were best friends or some shit. When they were 7 years old, Izuku got diagnosed with some sort of illness that Katsuki couldn’t wrap his little damn head around because he was too young. He knew Izuku went through surgeries among other things but he didn’t really know why. All he knew was that Izuku needed to spend a lot of time in the hospital and, therefore, he was spending a lot of time in the hospital too to go visit him.
Now, at 17, he understands that he was born with a heart disease - congenital heart disease - but didn’t start showing symptoms until they were 7 years old; the doctors say that it’s typically diagnosed at birth but, apparently, not in Izuku’s case since it didn’t start to affect him until childhood. This disease causes him to need to be monitored by doctors so often and get multiple surgeries on his heart. Katsuki understands now that Izuku needs a heart transplant because his heart can’t work hard enough to keep him alive at this point.
So, Katsuki has spent a lot of his life in hospitals to be right alongside Izuku during appointments and treatments and surgeries and all of the sorts; he’s never seen Izuku quite like this, though.
The man was weak, very weak, connected to millions of machines, most of which Katsuki doesn’t even know the use for. The machines thing he’s familiar with, if only being a vague memory from when he was a kid but the weakness? It’s never been this bad.
Now, though, Izuku is barely able to even sit up on his own because of how weak he is. He’s damn near bedridden, the only times he gets up are to use the bathroom and he needs a lot of support to get there and back. Yet, he’s still in good spirits. He’s still full of smiles and hope and it’s fucking sickening to Katsuki because he can’t just watch his best friend die like this but he also can’t get angry or upset about it because Izuku isn’t. And Izuku is his best friend. His- fuck, his crush. Though, crush doesn’t even do Katsuki’s feelings justice. Izuku is the guy he likes. Really likes. The guy he’s maybe (read: absolutely, without a doubt) in love with. The man he’s definitely attracted to and has wanted for years.
So, well, he’ll do just about anything to keep Izuku in these good spirits.
Katsuki’s sitting at Izuku’s bedside, as he does pretty much every single day after school. The high school he goes to is pretty much next door to the hospital, it’s probably a 10 minute walk at most from his school to Izuku’s room, running he can make it in less but he usually just walks. He almost always heads straight to the hospital to hang out with Izuku and he’ll end up getting homework or other shit done while he’s there - nowadays Izuku sleeps for a lot of the visit so it’s easy for Katsuki to find time to do his schoolwork, though he sort of wishes that Izuku being too tired to stay awake wasn’t the reason he was able to have that time. He’d much prefer it if he had to just put a pause on their conversation for a couple hours so he could get it done.
Izuku’s asleep now, it’s why he’s doing this stupid math. It’s easy and, honestly, he could get it done in like 15 minutes if he wasn’t so distracted by making sure all these monitors and machines were making the proper noises. Nothing concerning, nothing different. Different means bad, that’s what Katsuki has learned in this place. Any change in all the little noises coming from these things means something bad is happening.
He’s finishing up problem four when Izuku starts to wake up, taking a deep breath and trying his best to force himself up. Katsuki knows from experience that it’s better to wait for Izuku to ask for help instead of offering it because, otherwise, the man just gets defensive and insists that he can do it. However, if you let him come to you himself, he won’t actively fight the help. He’s always been too damn independent for his own good, though, so he rarely ever actually finds it in himself to ask for help.
Katsuki tries his best to ignore him, to not jump at the man to try and ease him up. He does successfully wait until Izuku flops back down and looks over at Katsuki, “Katsuki?”
“Hm,” Katsuki looks up from his homework as casually as he can.
“Help?” Izuku says quietly. He hates asking for help, it’s not his thing in the slightest. He doesn’t like needing to rely on others and he’d genuinely rather let himself suffer than actually ask but Katsuki knows that, with him at least, the question will always be on the tip of Izuku’s tongue the moment he needs it.
Katsuki quickly sets his homework on one of the side tables and gets up to walk to Izuku’s bedside, he places a hand under Izuku’s back and, with Izuku’s hands reaching up toward the railing, Katsuki lets Izuku do most of the work because it’s clear he wants to. Katsuki eases Izuku up into a sitting position and then adjusts the bed accordingly before taking a couple step backs to give him some space.
Izuku takes another deep breath and moves slowly, getting comfortable in his new position, “Thanks,” He forces out a grin to Katsuki and finally lets go of the railing now that he’s a bit more settled.
“Mhm,” Katsuki nods easily, just admiring the man. Even sick, he’s the most beautiful thing that Katsuki has ever laid his eyes on, “you sleep well?”
“As best as possible,” Izuku shrugs. Katsuki knows it’s probably not super comfortable having a ton of cords attached to you while you sleep but, well, it’s probably more comfortable than dying in your sleep because you didn’t have all those cords attached to you.
Izuku takes another deep breath again, placing a hand on his chest this time, which is a clear indicator that it’s getting hard for him to breathe. Katsuki hates seeing him like this. He’s always having difficulties breathing and that leads to coughing. Then, when he coughs, he coughs up blood more often than not. He’s always in pain, even with the medication that he’s being given, and Katsuki hates seeing it but he doesn’t have it in him to look away because he doesn’t want Izuku to be alone in any of this.
Sure, he has his mom and he also has Katsuki’s family but, maybe selfishly, he likes to think that him being here means a little more to Izuku. Like he’s not here out of any sort of obligation at all, he’s here because he wants to be here for Izuku. Maybe it’s fucking stupid but he doesn’t fucking care.
It honestly takes everything in him to not blurt out how he feels every fuckin’ minute he’s with Izuku. Except something about the way Izuku is breathing now makes Katsuki more concerned, he’s just been getting worse and worse as the days go on and Katsuki is getting more and more concerned that he’s never going to be able to say what he wants to say.
The possibility of Izuku dying is getting more and more real day by day and it is scaring the shit out of Katsuki.
He’s always used the excuse that he'd tell Izuku about his feelings when he figures them out. Then, he figured them out but Izuku was taking a turn for the worse so he’d said that he’d just wait until Izuku got better. Now, he’s not sure Izuku will ever get better and he doesn’t think he can handle Izuku dying without knowing this shit.
He also doesn’t want to make things worse for Izuku and stress him out, in case he doesn’t feel the same, but everything in him tells him that Izuku feels for Katsuki just like Katsuki feels for Izuku and he is hoping that that gut feeling is enough because he blurts it out.
“I love you,” Katuski mentally curses because that’s nothing new, they’ve said they love each other since they were children, so he clarifies, “Well, obviously I fucking love you but I mean that I am in love with you.”
It’s meaningful. He doesn’t rush through the words or mumble them out, he says them clearly so that there’s no mistaking what he said. He says them with a purpose, one to tell Izuku exactly how he feels just in case Izuku doesn’t live long enough to hear everything he wants to say. Still, even with his seemingly confident demeanor and his unshaking voice, everything inside of him is screaming. He thinks his lungs might burst and any second from the way he holds his breath, waiting for whatever Izuku has to say. His heart is going a million miles a minute and, honestly, he might be more concerned about it than Izuku’s at this very moment.
“What?” Izuku’s head moves so fast, his eyes searching for Katsuki’s to lock in on them. It’s the fastest he’s seen Izuku move in months, “What’d you just say.”
“Fuck,” Katsuki takes a step forward and he’s not quite sure whether he’s telling himself or Izuku but he says, “breathe, first of all. Your heart rate is already going up,” He motions toward the monitor.
“Right,” Izuku nods slowly, trying to breathe evenly, he does enough that his heart rate starts to go back to his normal and he looks right at Katsuki with a look on his face that Katsuki can’t seem to explain, “did you just say that you’re in love with me?”
Katsuki nods slowly, nervous as fuck and scared that he’s ruined everything by one measly little sentence, “Is that…” He pauses, trying to judge the look on Izuku’s face but he still can’t make it out, “fuckin’ weird or some shit?”
Izuku shakes his head and a smile appears on his face. It’s not one of those shitty fake ones. It’s not one of the ones he forces on to make everyone think he’s doing better than he is. It’s a real, genuine smile. The kind that Katsuki has missed entirely and is so relieved to see again, “No, definitely not. I’m in love with you too,” Those words from Izuku relieve any sort of anxieties flooding Katsuki’s brain, his breathing goes mostly back to normal and it’d have returned completely to normal if there wasn’t something else Izuku needed to say, “I just never wanted to say anything because…” He trails off, averting his eyes to keep himself from looking at Katsuki.
Katsuki takes another step forward, now he’s directly at Izuku’s bedside and close enough to reach Izuku’s face so he can turn it back to him and ask, confused, “because what?”
“I dunno,” Izuku shrugs a bit, biting at the inside of his cheek, before breaking into a fit of coughs. Luckily, there’s no blood this time and he returns back to the conversation soon after, “That. This. All of it,” He speaks slowly, not really having it in him to speak any faster, he’s a little breathless and takes a lot of breaks to catch his breath, “I’ve been in and out of hospitals for almost my whole life and I didn’t want to subject you to all this in that way, as something more than a friend. I also didn’t want you to have to feel obligated to say it back just because I’m dying,” It’s the first time Katsuki’s heard him say it out loud like that. That he’s dying.
Katsuki’s thought about it himself and he’s heard other people say things along those lines, from Inko to Katsuki’s parents to doctors and nurses. But he’s never heard Izuku say it so clearly like that, he’s made references to it before but never anything so direct. It hurts Katsuki to hear and he wishes that something could change.
“Then,” Izuku keeps going, still focusing on his breathing and keeping his heart rate where it’s supposed to be, “the more I thought about it the more I realized that maybe it wouldn’t be so much of an obligation to say it back because maybe you feel it too. But you never said anything. So, I never said anything because I thought, well, you deserve better than me. Now, I guess I know that it was all just my stupid overthinking but my point still stands,” He sighs, “You deserve more than this. Than me. You deserve to be able to go out on dates with the person you love and you deserve to be with someone who can go on your morning runs with you. You should have someone who can eat whatever you cook instead of turning it down because it’s bad for their heart. You deserve to be with someone who isn’t on their deathbed, Katsuki. You should have someone that-”
Katsuki grabs his hand and shuts him up by interrupting him, “I don’t need that shit, dumbass,” He scoffs a little bit before he squeezes Izuku’s hand and looks him in the eyes, “I want you. I’ve wanted you since I knew I was into guys, Izuku. I’m always in this damn hospital room with you because I care about you. I want you more than fuckin’,” He pauses for a second, trying to make a good comparison but, well, there’s no one specific thing he can use, it’s just more like, “anything,” He decides.
“Sure, we can’t go on normal dates like most people can but I can still go on dates with you. Right here. In this room. Just you and me. I don’t need someone to go on my runs with me or eat my cooking, I just need someone who wants to spend their time with me. I just need someone who knows me and you fucking know me, Izuku,” Katsuki takes a minute to just look at Izuku as silence fills the room before he mumbles, “Damnit, if I’d known this was going on in your stupid head, I’d have told you all of this sooner I just didn’t want to stress you out or-”
Tears start to fall down Izuku’s face and it stops Katsuki as fast as he started, “What’s wrong? Did I say something wrong?”
Izuku shakes his head silently, “Opposite.”
“Opposite?” Katsuki questions.
“You said everything right,” Izuku explains softly, squeezing Katsuki’s hand right back, “I love you.”
Katsuki pulls Izuku in for a gentle hug, whispering in his ear, “I love you too,” and instead of breaking fully apart when they break the hug, they keep their foreheads resting together.
“Can we kiss?” Izuku asks, moving in a little more until their lips are just one little move away from touching.
Katsuki doesn’t need to be asked twice, he leans in with every intent to start slowly and get to know everything there is to know about Izuku’s mouth inside and out but Izuku quickens the kiss. He moves into it fast and Katsuki can’t help but follow his lead.
Katsuki’s hands are still wrapped around the back of Izuku’s neck from the hug and Izuku is still gripping onto the back of Katsuki’s shirt. They kiss until Izuku is pulling away because he’s out of breath. Katsuki feels sort of guilty but the look that Izuku is giving him, filled with absolute love, eases it almost all the way.
He notices a little too late that Izuku’s heart monitor is going a little crazy and his heart rate is up. Normally he’s so focused on those little noises but the kiss completely clouded everything and he doesn’t take note of it until a nurse walks in and sees them all wrapped up together but, thankfully, not quite kissing; Just inches away from each other because they just got done kissing.
Katsuki pulls away from Izuku enough to face the nurse but moves to grab one of Izuku’s hands just to keep the contact.
The nurse looks between the two of them knowingly but doesn’t say much when she notices that Izuku’s heart rate is going down the more he’s focusing on his breathing, “Alright now,” the nurse looks between the both of them, going back and forth, “you two keep Midoriya’s heart rate right where it’s s’posed to be, ‘kay?”
They both nod quickly and the nurse takes her leave.
“Lay with me?” Izuku asks softly, moving to the side to make room for Katsuki, which is something he does easily on his own.
Katsuki agrees before he can even really think about it because he just wants to be as close to Izuku as possible. He knows he’s allowed to lay here with Izuku because he’s done it before to watch movies and whatnot, so he moves the bed into less of a sitting position but not quite a full laying down position, helping Izuku ease down as he does so, then he climbs into the bed with Izuku, being mindful of all the wires.
He pulls what he’s pretty sure to be the love of his life in close and Izuku accepts it with no qualms. He rests his head on Katsuki’s chest, wrapping his arms around Katsuki - so Katsuki wraps his around Izuku - and he falls asleep after 15 minutes of them just laying there and talking about nonsense. Nothing that really mattered in the long run but things that made them happy in the moment.
When he realizes that Izuku is asleep, Katsuki presses a kiss to the top of his head and just admires him. Every single thing about him because he’s not sure how much longer he’ll have the chance to see it all. He memorizes every little detail and saves it in his brain. If tears start to fall down his face and into Izuku’s hair, nobody has to know except himself. Crying’s never been something he’s very accustomed to, he just doesn’t do it so he doesn’t know what to do when he starts. Lately, though, it’s something he’s been doing a lot more and he still doesn’t know what to do when it happens so, maybe, that’s something you never learn.
He does it silently, not wanting to wake Izuku. He uses a free hand he’s managed to wipe his face so they stop falling onto Izuku but that’s not a solve all because more tears keep coming. He settles on continuing to wipe them away until, eventually, he runs out and he hopes to god that his irritated eyes and nose won’t be obvious to anybody at all. Nobody has to know how often he’s been crying at the prospect of losing Izuku lately and if anybody has realized, they haven’t said anything at all, which is enough for Katsuki.
It’s about 45 minutes later that Inko walks into the hospital room and sees them both laying together, Izuku still asleep. She smiles softly at the both of them and takes a seat in the chair that Katsuki was sitting in before, “You two look cozy.”
Katsuki nods, whispering so he doesn’t wake Izuku, “We, uh, sorted some things out,” but he doesn’t tell her exactly what, he figures Izuku will probably want to be awake for that.
“Oh?” Inko questions, a knowing smirk on her face, “You finally told each other?”
Katsuki just nods again, clearly he doesn’t need to tell Inko anything, she already knows. Were they that obvious? Or is it just a mother’s instinct?
“You really love him, don’t you?” Inko’s smile softens again, eyes going back and forth between her son and Katsuki.
And fuck, he really does. Katsuki is absolutely in love with Izuku. There’s no doubt about that and to hear it said so casually from someone who isn’t him or Izuku is really eye opening. He nods one more time, placing a hand in Izuku’s hair and playing with one of the curls, “I really do.”
“You remind me of your mother,” Inko chuckles lightly before going into an explanation, “such a fierce personality, you take nothing from anybody but the moment it comes to the person you love, all of that seems to go away. It’s sweet. Your mother is the same way when it comes to your father, I’ve never seen anybody look at another person like that. Until you. Until the way I’ve seen you look at my Izuku all these years,” Her smile turns sad, “I’m glad he’s able to experience being loved in that kind of way before he…” She trails off, shaking her head and switching up a little bit, “Thank you for giving that to him.”
Katsuki doesn’t mention the tears that fill her eyes and he doesn’t acknowledge how she implied Izuku’s death because that’s not something he likes to think about (even though, most days, it’s the thing that consumes his every thought). He’s never wished for someone else’s death so much before. It makes him feel like a shitty person, pleading with the universe that someone who is a match for Izuku dies so that Izuku can live and he knows Izuku also feels terrible whenever he wishes on a heart.
“It’s all I can do,” Katsuki admits. He feels helpless when it comes to Izuku. It’s not like he can give Izuku his heart. If this was a kidney or a liver, he’d have been tested to see if he’s a match years ago. But this is his heart. He can’t give his physical one away so, emotionally, he’ll give Izuku everything he’s got from this point forward.
“I appreciate you being here all of the time,” Inko tells him, “I know I say it to you all the time but it eases my mind to know that you or your parents are here when I’m working and can’t be by his side.”
Katsuki nods. He couldn’t imagine doing anything except being right at Izuku’s side. The entire time he’s at school, all he thinks about is going back to the hospital to see Izuku. He makes sure that notifications and phone calls can still come through from his parents in case something happens with Izuku or a match for him gets found and they know not to call or text him while he’s at school unless it has something to do with Izuku.
“I just fuckin’ wish there was more I could do,” Katsuki deflates against Izuku, burying half of his face in Izuku’s hair and breathing in the scent of it.
“I know,” Inko agrees softly, “me too.”
That’s when Izuku chooses to wake up, slowly blinking his eyes open to realize that he’s still in Katsuki’s arms. He smiles and looks up, “Hi.”
Katsuki laughs, “Hi, Izu. Your mom is here.”
He looks over to the seat to see his mom and his eyes widen, his smile dropping, “Oh, mom-”
“Don’t worry,” Inko laughs at her son’s clear panic, “I knew you two would have something going on eventually. It was a matter of when, not if. Katsuki didn’t tell me anything until I asked.”
“Oh,” Izuku’s smile comes back faster than it left, “so you don’t care?”
Inko shakes her head quickly, “You’re my only child. All I care about is that you’re happy, Izuku.”
“I am,” Izuku looks back up to Katsuki before letting his head fall back into his chest, cuddling up with him, “I’m very happy,” He mumbles.
Over the next weeks, Izuku just kept getting worse. It got to the point where he couldn’t even stand up and walk to the bathroom anymore; he had to have a catheter and he was barely eating on his own. Everything about the situation made Katsuki hurt, he could feel it in his heart that he didn’t have much longer with Izuku.
It’s not likely he’s going to get a heart so soon and the doctors say that, without a transplant, he doesn’t have much longer to live. It is absolutely killing Katsuki to know that every single sign is pointing to Izuku’s death, there’s not a single thing that is looking up for him.
“Ma, just let me not go to school today,” Katsuki pleads one morning and, trust him, he never pleads with his mother, “I’m gonna be too fuckin’ distracted to pay attention anyway, I just want to spend time with Izuku.”
“No,” Mitsuki’s resolve is strong, she doesn’t let up, “you’ll go to school and if there is any change in Izuku’s condition I’ll call you. Just like always. Just because he’s your boyfriend now doesn’t mean you’ll be missing out on your education for him.”
“Mom,” Katsuki looks her directly in the eye, “please,” He never speaks to her like this, sure it’s probably terrible, but normally they’re much more of a yelling back and forth duo until the other gives in but Katsuki is desperate.
“Your school is right next to the hospital, Kat,” Mitsuki grabs his hand and gives it a squeeze, “I understand that you’re scared and I know that you just want to be there for him but imagine how he’ll feel knowing that you’re skipping school because of him.”
Katsuki hates that she makes a good point. Izuku already feels guilty enough that Katsuki spends all of his free time in the hospital with Izuku, he can’t imagine how he’d feel if Katsuki starts to skip school for him too.
“Fuck,” Katsuki snatches his hand back from Mitsuki, “fine. I’ll go to school.”
“Your father and I will be there all day with Inko and I will call you if he needs you, okay? I give you full permission to run out of the school if you have to.”
Katsuki smirks, “Thanks, hag.”
“Whatever, kid,” She smiles back at him before turning to walk away.
The entire school day is absolute torture. He goes through his first period without a peep from his phone but that’s fine because his thoughts are overwhelming enough. His second period goes by and then so does his third. Almost.
He’s in his third period when he gets the call. The teacher is kind of an asshole in Katsuki’s opinion but he’s good at his damn job and he cares about the students. It doesn’t stop him from glaring at Katsuki the moment his phone starts ringing, “Turn it off,” Aizawa tells him immediately.
Katsuki looks down at it to see the caller ID being his mom, he quickly tells his teacher, “I can’t,” and then grabs the phone and answers it, bringing it up to his ear.
”They found a match,” It’s his dad’s voice on the other side of the phone, ”Your mom is talking with Inko and the doctor right now,” Katsuki can hear the vague voices of his mom and Izuku’s mom in the background as Masaru continues on, ”the heart is at a hospital in another town but one of the doctors here is going to get it now. He’s got a heart, son.”
Katsuki doesn’t even care that he’s in the middle of class when the tears start falling down his cheeks, he couldn’t stop them even if he wanted to. There’s relief flooding his entire body. He hadn’t noticed how tense he was until right now, when he was finally able to relax in his seat.
Izuku’s really going to be okay. They found a heart for him. He can’t even find it in himself to smile, the shock being too much. He just lets the tears fall down his face, listening to his dad explain how everything is going to work.
He can hear some of his school friends asking what’s wrong and why he’s crying but he’s too busy to respond, relishing in the fact that his boyfriend is going to be okay, he’s going to get the transplant he needs.
“Bakugou?” He can hear Kirishima from his right, “Why are you crying? Are you okay?”
“He never cries,” He hears someone in the back whisper, directly behind him. It’s probably Sero.
“Yeah, dude,” Kaminari from his left agrees, “you okay?”
“This so isn’t like you, Baku,” Ashido chimes in, turning around because she sits in front of Katsuki, “what’s going on?”
Even Aizawa starts to get a little bit concerned by Katsuki’s tears, “Bakugou? Do you need to take that phone call outside?”
Katsuki finally finds it in him to respond, a smile on his face now, “No,” He sniffs, “I’m-” He starts to say until he hears panicking coming from his phone.
His dad stops talking and in the background he can hear someone yelling, ”He’s flatlining!”
Then he hears someone else say, ”you need to get back Ms. Midoriya so they can do their job.”
That breaks Katsuki, confirms to him that it’s Izuku who’s flatlining. Why is this happening? How could this be happening? Why is he flatlining? He’s so close to getting the transplant, if the doctors can just revive him he can get the transplant and he’ll be okay. Everything will be okay.
Katsuki needs everything to be okay.
The tears come out faster and they’re no longer happy tears, he can’t even hold his phone anymore. He drops it and it hits the desk before falling to the floor. His friends are turning to him more concerned now, “Bakugou, seriously what’s going on?” Kirishima asks with wide eyes and concern dripping from his tone.
“My boyfriend,” Katsuki mumbles, starting to get up from his seat, not even caring about the fact that none people don’t even know he’s gay, nevertheless that he has a boyfriend, “is dying.”
“You have a boyfriend?” Ashido asks, quickly scanning Katsuki’s face.
Kaminari is also looking right at Katsuki, seemingly trying to study him but no less concerned than Kirishima or Ashido, “And he’s dying?”
“Bakugou, maybe you should-” Aizawa starts to say but then Katsuki is completely up and out of his seat. He doesn’t grab anything, not his phone or his bag. Nothing. He rushes out of the classroom, he doesn’t care if anybody tries to stop him because he’s not going to.
He needs to be at the hospital and he needs to be at the hospital now.
He runs faster than he ever has before, it’s nothing like his morning jogs. It’s almost painful the way that his feet hit the floor, the pressure shooting up his legs. He’s speeding through the halls and out of the school, running on the sidewalk that he’s used to walking on after school to get to the hospital - it’s such a different feeling now that he knows his boyfriend is there, in the hospital right now, dying. Then, he’s in the hospital parking lot, rushing in the doors. He completely ignores all the people and skips over the elevators, opting to take the stairs because those are the quicker option.
He gets to Izuku’s room where Inko and Katsuki’s parents are standing outside, watching through the glass door with anxiety written all over their faces. All Katsuki hears from the doctors when he arrives is the tail end of a conversation, “...gotta stop, it’s been 6 minutes. We’ve gotta call it.”
That breaks something inside of Katsuki and the only thing stopping him from falling to the floor is his feet pushing him inside the room and through the puddle of people all surrounding Izuku, he’s yelling at them but he doesn’t even know what he’s saying. All he knows is that they can’t stop.
But the person doing CPR does stop and she begins to say, “Time of death,” She looks up at the clock but before she can say the time, Katsuki is climbing onto the damn bed to do it himself. He straddles over Izuku and starts CPR, he doesn’t care if it’s already been 6 minutes, anything is possible, right? They told Izuku that he was supposed to die years ago but he got better then so that means he can get better now.
It doesn’t matter that he’s worse now than he’s ever been, he has a heart waiting for him, ready to be transplanted into his chest if his heart would just keep going just for a little longer.
“C’mon,” Katsuki pleads to this damn heart, “you’ve just gotta hang on for a few more damn hours, come on!” He screams that last bit, keeping his hand movements steady on Izuku’s chest. He needs more time with Izuku, he waited so long to tell him that he was in love with him and he needs more time. He can’t take losing him, not when they just got together - Hell, who is he kidding, even if he’d never confessed to Izuku, he’d still need more time with him. He just needs more.
“Kid, I’m sorry but he’s gone,” A nurse or doctor or someone tries gently pulling Katsuki off of Izuku but Katsuki stays strong, continuing the CPR.
Tears fall from his eyes onto his hands and he can barely see what he’s doing but as long as he keeps going, it’ll be fine. Izuku will come back to him. He knows he will.
Right?
He’s got to.
Katsuki isn’t sure how long he’s going for but it’s got to be a couple minutes at least of this voice trying to get him off the bed until there’s another voice, urging him away from Izuku and by the third gentle voice there’s a fourth, more firm voice, “If you don’t leave right now, we’ll have to remove-.”
“Wait,” The first voice comes back, interrupting the fourth, “look, he’s in sinus,” there’s shock in his voice and Katsuki stops long enough to look at the heart monitor and hear the familiar beeps, see the familiar lines.
“He’s been gone for 9 minutes,” Katsuki hears the third voice say, “he’s gonna have brain damage.”
Katsuki ignores everything else the people are saying and falls into the spot on the bed next to Izuku, his arms hurting and his eyes tired from crying. CPR is exhausting, people don’t talk about that enough. He wraps his arms around Izuku. Desperate to feel his heart beating, he places one hand on Izuku’s chest, the thump of his heart comforting Katsuki. He plans to lay right here until Izuku wakes up and he does exactly that. He doesn’t move at all.
Honestly, Katsuki isn’t sure how long it is until Izuku wakes up but he does wake up. Katsuki gets out of his bed and holds Izuku’s hand while the doctor checks him out.
“It’s inexplainable,” The doctor is telling Inko and Izuku - as well as Katsuki and his own parents simply just because they’re in the room - after he’s done checking out Izuku, “there’s no brain damage. It’s,” He breathes out a small chuckle, “It’s a mystery, honestly, I don’t understand it.”
“It’s a miracle,” Inko grabs onto Izuku’s other hand - the one Katsuki isn’t holding - and squeezes it, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
“How about his transplant?” Katsuki asks the doctor, “That’s still happening, right?”
“His heart is very fragile right now,” The doctor explains, “and he might not make it off of the table because of how weak he is but I don’t see him living past today without it so, yeah,” He nods, looking toward Inko now, “as long as you come sign all the necessary paperwork, we’ll start prepping him and as soon as the heart gets here, we’ll do the surgery.”
“Perfect,” Inko lets go of Izuku’s hand, “Let me sign whatever I need to sign,” She says, already making her way to the door so she can get everything sorted out.
The doctor leads her out and Katsuki’s parents take one look at the way Katsuki is holding onto Izuku, the way he’s staring at him, and Mitsuki just says, “We’ll leave you two alone for a minute,” Before grabbing Masaru’s hand and leading him out of the room too.
Katsuki sits on the edge of his bed with his body facing Izuku, “You fucking scared me, asshole,” His words aren’t the nicest but the tone, the way Katsuki’s hand is squeezing Izuku’s, the look he’s giving it, all of it is completely opposite of his words. He’s concerned, he’s in love, and he’s afraid.
“I’m sorry,” Izuku apologizes softly, rubbing his thumb along Katsuki’s knuckles, “I didn’t mean to.”
“I know,” Katsuki leans forward to give him a kiss on the forehead before resting his own atop Izuku’s, “you were dead, Izuku. I don’t think-” He takes a pause to breathe, “I’m not sure I’ve ever been so damn scared in my life.”
“But the doctors brought me back,” Izuku says.
Katsuki shakes his head, “No,” He pulls apart a bit so that he can lock eyes with Izuku better, “I did. They were stopping when I got here, they-” His voice breaks and he lets his forehead fall back onto Izuku’s before shutting his eyes. He presses a kiss to his Izuku’s lips; It’s soft and Izuku keeps it that way, not having enough energy for anything else. They break apart, “I was so scared I was going to lose you, I started CPR myself.”
“What?” Izuku asks, his eyebrows furrowing together in confusion. He pushes Katsuki back a little bit, not because he didn’t want him where he was but so that he could see Katsuki’s face, “you did it?”
Katsuki nods, his face tightening, “I was so fucking scared, I wasn’t thinking straight but god damn I am glad I did it because you’re still here and you’re going to get that damn transplant. You’re going to live.”
“Kacchan,” Izuku speaks the name so softly, it’s something that Katsuki hasn’t heard since they were kids and it almost makes him want to break down into tears again, especially because Izuku has started to cry, “my body could still reject the organ. I could still die. There’s still a long road ahead.”
“And I’m going to be here for the entire fucking ride,” Katsuki promises strongly, “you’re going to get better. You have to. We have so much life left, baby. You have so much life left.”
Izuku’s tears fall down his face and Katsuki wipes them with his free hand, “Don’t cry, Izuku.”
“You’re just so good to me, Katsuki,” The tears start falling faster, “I love you, I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” Katsuki leans forward for another, quicker kiss. Then, he pulls Izuku in for a hug, they stay like that until Katsuki’s parents, Inko, and a nurse walks into the room.
The nurse explains that she needs to prep Izuku for surgery and Katsuki reluctantly departs from him. The next bit of time goes by so quickly. First, he’s waiting as Izuku gets prepped, then they’re waiting for the heart to get here. Before they know it, Izuku’s being wheeled to the OR and it’s hitting Katsuki that this might be the last time he ever sees Izuku; but it could also be the start of a more promising future for the both of them.
Katsuki and Inko walk with Izuku and the people wheeling him up. Katsuki’s parents told Izuku their goodlucks before he left the room and they stay behind because there’s only two people allowed to walk.
Then, there they were. The door that they weren’t allowed to cross. Katsuki doesn’t really listen to the little talk Inko is giving Izuku, he just knows that she ends it with a kiss to his forehead and nods to Katsuki, signaling that it’s his turn.
Katsuki moves as close to the bed as he possibly can and whispers to Izuku, “Hi.”
“Hi,” Izuku chuckles.
“You’re gonna pull through, yeah?”
Izuku nods, “I’ll try my best.”
“You gotta do better than that, nerd,” Katsuki lets go of his hand to cup his face, sparing a glance to Inko who just nods calmly at him. So, Katsuki presses a long lasting kiss to Izuku’s lips, afraid that it’ll be the last time he ever does. Nobody comments on the fact that they’re both crying while and neither of them care about the salty taste of their tears. They pull apart and Katsuki mutters, “I need you to pull through and you’re going to, okay? I love you.”
“I love you too,” Izuku uses as much of his strength to lean up just enough to press another kiss to Katsuki’s distant lips, “I’ll see you in a few hours?”
Katsuki nods, “You fuckin’ better.”
Then he pulls away and they take him away, behind the doors.
Inko and Katsuki walk back to the waiting room because Izuku’s room is no longer Izuku’s room. After his surgery, he’ll be sent to a new room in the ICU for them to monitor post surgery, so he’s officially out of that hospital room that he’s spent so much time in lately.
In the waiting room, he finds his parents and sits next to his mom. Neither of them say anything but she puts her arm around him and pulls him in close to her side. It’s nothing like their usual but nothing about this day is usual.
If Katsuki didn’t show up right when he did, Izuku would be dead. Everything about that moment has been replaying in Katsuki’s mind since it happened and it’s almost all that replays in his mind for the next few hours; which are the absolute slowest few hours of his life. The only reason he’s glad that the time keeps going by without a doctor coming out is because that means that, without any news, Izuku is still alive and being operated on. The thoughts about the moment he got to the hospital only stop when a few familiar faces show up in the waiting room.
It’s Kirishima, Kaminari, Ashido, and Sero. Even Aizawa, his teacher, shows up. Katsuki moves out of his mothers arms and looks up at the group confused.
Aizawa drops Katsuki’s bag onto the floor next to the chair Katsuki’s in and hands him his phone, “Your mother called me and explained what happened, asked if she could come pick up your things but I said I’d stop by after school with them.”
Katsuki looks over to his mom who just shrugs, “Your phone was expensive, can’t have you leaving that shit at school.”
“Right,” Katuski puts his phone in his pocket and looks back to his group of school friends, “what about them.”
“They came to my room after school, asked me if I knew anything about what was going on with you in class today,” Aizawa explains quickly, “wouldn’t stop pestering me about checking on you so I told them about my plans to come bring you your things. They insisted they come.”
“We wanna make sure you’re doing okay, dude,” Kirishima is the first of them to speak.
Ashido follows him shortly after, “Yeah, we totally didn’t know you had all this going on. We were wondering why you were so pushy and always so eager to leave right after school but we never imagined this.”
“Yeah,” Sero nodded in agreement, “we don’t know what’s going on but we’ve never seen you cry before. We were concerned, dude.”
“We just wanna know what’s going on,” Kaminari is the last to speak, “if there’s anything we can do to help. How’s your boyfriend?”
Right, Katsuki hasn’t really told them anything at all. All he said before he left was that his boyfriend was dying, he didn’t really have time for details.
“He’s in surgery right now, a heart transplant,” Katsuki tells them and watches how their faces contort, realizing how serious this is. He knows that his own face is probably very red and puffy because of all the crying he’s been doing but for fuck’s sake, give him a damn break, his boyfriend is in surgery and the only thing keeping his hopes up is that there are no updates.
“A heart transplant?” The shocked question comes from all four of them but Ashido asks the next thing by herself, “What happened?”
“Congenital heart disease,” Katsuki shrugs a bit, not really sure what to say or how to explain what’s been his entire life since he can remember existing but just opening up to his friends anyway because he’s tired of not talking to them about it - sure, there was a moment a few seconds ago where he was about to snap and say it’s none of their damn business but he doesn’t have it in him to argue right now, he can barely handle this explanation, “It was something he was born with but they didn’t know ‘til he was 7. He’s been in and out of the hospital since then but started taking a turn for the worse earlier this year.”
“How long have you two been together?” Kaminari asks the next question.
“Um,” Katsuki has to actually think about it for a minute because his mind has been so flooded with other things, “two months,” He answers after a minute. It’s been almost exactly two months (just a couple days over) since he told Izuku about his feelings.
Mitsuki scoffs and cuts in, “But they’ve been acting like they were dating since they were 13, just didn’t know it.”
Katsuki was just about to send his mother a glare before he saw Izuku’s doctor walking toward them. Katsuki was the first one up with Inko right behind him. It’s been, what? Katsuki finds a clock on the wall and looks at it. It’s been 6, maybe 7 hours? Katsuki knows it’s possible for a heart transplant to take that amount of time so it’s likely that Izuku is just fine but there’s also the possibility that-
No, he’s not letting himself go there, not until he hears what the doctor has to say. He waits until Katsuki’s parents catch up with the group to start talking. He’s seemingly confused by the larger group behind them but being reassured that it’s fine for him to keep going anyway, he speaks, “The transplant went well, he’s being moved to a room right now and we’ll make sure to keep monitoring him that way we can see how his body reacts to the new organ.”
“Can we see him?” Inko takes the words right out of Katsuki’s mouth.
The doctor nods, “Only two people are allowed in the ICU at a time, he’s connected to a breathing machine right now but after he wakes up and proves he can breathe on his own, he’ll be taken off of that.”
It’s Katsuki’s turn for a question now, “How long until he wakes up?”
“This kind of surgery is brutal on the body so it could be a while,” The doctor explains, “I’ve seen people wake up after a couple of hours and I’ve seen people stay asleep for over eight.”
“But he’ll wake up?”
“I’m confident he will,” The doctor confirms, “the surgery went very well and there weren’t any issues but we’re going to keep a close eye on him.”
Katsuki places both his hands on the top of his head, relief stronger than back in class when he was told that Izuku’s getting an organ fills his entire body, “Thank you.”
“Yes, thank you so much,” Inko agrees.
Before Katsuki and Inko follow the doctor to Izuku’s room, Katsuki turns around to his friends and teacher. Aizawa just looks at him and tells him, “If you need anything, I’m here. I’ll make sure to email you the notes from class today.”
“Thanks,” Katsuki mumbles a bit before moving to his parents to tell them goodbye, since they couldn’t go into the ICU along with them both. He thanks his friends for coming and Ashido tells him that they better get to meet Izuku as soon as he’s allowed to have more visitors. He agrees to talk to Izuku about it but doesn’t stay any longer, wanting to get in the room and see him.
Then, Katsuki and Inko are following the doctor through the hospital, being led to Izuku’s room. Katsuki’s so relieved Izuku’s alive that he doesn’t even really acknowledge all the tubes and wires coming from his body, he just grabs onto his hand and stays there until he wakes up.
The doctor was very right, it does end up taking a while but after about five hours, Izuku starts to wake up and, being able to breathe on his own, starts to fight the breathing tube.
People rush into the room to disconnect it and when he’s free of the tube, a dreary smile falls onto his face, looking between both his mom and his boyfriend, “My two favorite people,” His voice is rough but, god, Katsuki is just glad he’s still able to hear it. Katsuki presses a kiss to the palm of Izuku’s hand and they spend the rest of the day together.
Izuku sleeps for the most part, recovering from surgery isn’t an easy task and Katsuki doesn’t like seeing him in pain, he never has, but knowing that this pain is going to lead to him feeling better unlike the old pain? Well, that makes it a lot easier to help him through. Over the next week and some, Izuku is monitored very closely. He, thankfully, shows no signs of rejecting the organ. Soon, Izuku gets discharged and for the first time in a long time, he gets to go home.
Katsuki is, of course, right by his side on the day he gets to leave the hospital and his parents agree to let him stay over at the Midoriya residence for a few weeks just to help Inko out with Izuku’s care. They don’t even insist that the two sleep in separate beds which makes sense considering Izuku’s condition, it’s not like they’re going to do anything except actually sleep in the bed. Or cuddle.
Katsuki knows there’s a long road of recovery for Izuku but he’s planning to be there for every single moment of it that he possibly can be. He’ll do whatever he needs to to make the road a little smoother for Izuku because that’s what he deserves. They start to plan out their first “real” date, as Izuku puts it (apparently not considering any dates they had in the hospital as real), wanting to pull out all of the stops. Katsuki promises that as soon as he can, he’ll take Izuku on a date he’ll never forget.
He knows they’ll get their happily ever after because this is the start of it. He’s sure that they’re going to get their happy ending. It’s been a difficult journey but they’re going to get it.