Chapter Text
[“Back from that art class? When will you learn that You have no talent whatsoever… It’s useless to keep going, why can't you be more like your brother?”]
The words plunged in her heart. She was quick to shout back when her father said those last words—comparing her to her brother. These words repeatedly echoed in her mind as she cried softly while drawing, before standing up out of frustration. Tears were in her eyes as she first threw pillows around her room. “Annoying.”
“I'll show him. I'll show him he’s wrong one day,” She cried, but she couldn't see herself doing art without feeling frustrated or angry at herself—focusing on the tiny imperfections and problems with her composition, technique or colours. She never felt truly happy with her art. A looming thought in her mind that it was never good enough for him, her father.
“Ena?” Akito peered in the door.
“Go away,” Her back was facing her younger brother, she tried not to sound like she was crying. She didn't want him to see her in such a mood. “I'll be quiet, just leave me alone for now,” She muttered, assuming he came to her room to shut her up because she was being ‘too loud’.
“I’m not here for that,” He slowly walked in the room.
She wiped her face as Akito turned her around by the shoulders, “I said go away!” She tried pushing him away.
“It's not the end of the fucking word just because one person hates your art. You will never be able to please everyone at the same time, don't beat yourself up because of one man!” He shouted back. He didn't know how to comfort her without being too sappy, so he opted to try and spout some sense into her. “Don't give up art just because of some stupid comment that asshole made!” Akito was on the verge of tears himself.
She looked at him pitifully. She hugged him, crying into his shoulder, crying until she was too tired to waste any energy crying about the words of her shitty father. “Fucking hell… I’m going to sleep—you should too, Akito,” She still had dried up tears on her face.
“Go to sleep first, then,” He said, even when he was still hugging her tightly. “Seriously, what would you do without me?” He avoided saying any negative words, but Ena knew he didn't mean it in a bad way—he wouldn't have come to her room and snapped some sense into her. While she wouldn't admit it, she was grateful—for her little brother.
“Shut up, I just stopped crying. Get out already,” She smiled softly at him. And something in both of their faces knew. They knew that they cared for each other—just with different ways of showing it. Afterall, they wouldn't want to be like their father. Ena continued talking still, even when Akito was on his way out the door to his room and she was sitting on her bed, “This reminds me of something.”
“Of what?” Akito asked, curious.
“When you told me to do art. You were a cute little brother then—you weren't even doing soccer at that time…. Why'd you have to grow up like this now?” Ena recalled distant memories even Akito didn't remember. She reminded him about the time. The time where she was just doing art.
[“Your art is good! It's like father's! Can you draw me a…” His cute small face sparkled with joy looking at his older sister's art. Admiring it with a newfound appreciation for art.
Ena smiled happily. “You sure?”
“Yea, maybe you should try doing art, you have a talent for it. I want you to paint me multiple things!” He joked softly.]
“You don't remember that?” She asked sadly, the person who encouraged her the most didn't even know they were her main inspiration. Together with her father's comparison, it made her even more determined to be better at art—while it pained her, she knew her brother loved her art more than she did, and saw things in it that she did not.
“I always liked your art. Why’d you think I bought so much art supplies for you on special occasions?”
Ena sighed with joy, “Hah, it sounds weird to hear you say something positive—do you want something in return? Trying to flatter me so I do your biddings, are you?” She probed as a joke.
Akito grunted, “That's what you do to me. I guess we both made each other do our… passions. I remember that summer festival, I was there to give you your shoes and you dragged me towards the stage.”
“Ew, the convo is getting sappy now.”
“You're the one who made it sappy! I’m going out, you're insufferable to talk to,” He shut the door, hard enough for Ena to hear. Another door casually opened and closed, unlike how he closed Ena’s door, he sounded gentle through the thin walls of the house.
Ena smiled, and she promised to herself to be slightly nicer to her little brother.
“Toya! An! Kohane!” People cheered out their names as the group performed with radiance. All of them, except Akito. He was having a troublesome day already—him and his father getting into a fight as per usual—but this discouraged him further, ruining his morale. His voice was weak, due to him shouting at his father for nearly hours. They only stopped the screaming duel when their mother came in to shut them up as they were making too much noise. Ena, also had the unfortunate experience to witnessing the fight.
[“You’re still going out to sing?” His stern voice echoed softly. Akito stayed silent. “Not answering? It's because you have no talent whatsoever when it comes to singing. Why can't you be more like your sister?”]
The words plunged in his heart. He was quick to shout back when his father said those last words—comparing him to his sister. These words repeatedly echoed in his mind as he sang slightly out of rhythm, out of pitch, without much energy. Nothing to keep him going. He was just ruining the performance of his teammates.
If he wasn't there, they'd be getting more recognition.
The show came to an end, and his forehead was full of sweat that he wiped off as he drank some water. Resting and reflecting on his mistakes—mistakes that wouldn't happen if he had just been… better. He could never compare to the others.
He stayed quiet until it was time for them to wrap up and go home. When someone talked to him, “Akito, you good?” He wasn't paying attention to who it was.
“I’m fine. Just wasn't feeling it today,” He dismissed.
“Akito, was it because of him?” The voice became all the more clearer, and he soon recognised it as his sister, Ena’s. He saw her usual hairstyle, a braid on her left side whilst wearing a casual outfit. “I… was worried and followed you after the fight.”
He looked up at her with indifferent eyes, “You didn't need to, just fucking go away already.”
“You didn't when I was crying over dad those few days ago, so, I’m not going,” She continued with determination in her eyes. “You're pretending to be all tough and grumpy, but you're just shy. Ignore what that stupid old man says.”
“You should really follow your own advice-”
“Will you shut up already? I'm trying to be nice here.” He stayed quiet after she said that. He would argue that she's not so nice considering her words, but he appreciated her concern enough to stay silent. “Do you want to go home now? Or do you not wanna see dad?”
“I wanna get outta here, but I also don't want to spend any more extra time with that old man.”
“Let's go eat then. I'll pay. We can check out this new shop that I found…” Her voice trailed off as she checked her phone, her eyes literally and figuratively glowed. And Akito smiled at that, her face morphing into the one he sees usually. He was glad that there weren't any changes between them, yet there was. They understood each other more—and they would agree to be there for each other.
“Ena, you seem to be in a good mood today, did something happen?”
“Hm? Oh, I guess you could say that…” She paused, “I had cheesecake the other day at this cute shop,” She recalls the cake she shared with her brother, his indifferent face. His slight smile. And she hopes she was a good sister to the boy for once.
Ena recalled a brief moment earlier where she and her brother were almost chatting. She was getting ready to leave the house, while he was going home after a long day's worth of practice. He lost track of the time and easily spent a few extra hours singing.
“One more song,” he thought to himself, but there was this one line that troubled him, and he found himself playing the song over and over again. “I have to perfect this song before I go home,” He knew he wouldn't be able to rest easy knowing the trouble he spent on that one line.
“Akito? I thought you were home already…” She said to him at the door. He was about to turn the handle and go inside the sad house, but Ena was quick to catch him off guard by opening the door before him from the inside.
“I was at practice, spent some extra time doing this one song—why do you want to know everything?”
Ena furrowed her brows, “It's not like I’m trying to know everything, can't I be a little curious? Why are you so defensive about it anyway?” She paused, and after she received no response from the ginger, she opened her mouth to yap a little more and get on his nerves, “Man, you're such an antsy guy, how'd you end up with a group like yours?”
“Someone has a lot of guts to complain about me being antsy when she’s the one getting mad herself. Are you going to class?”
“Yeah, what about it?” She walked past him. “Well, bye. I’ll see you later.”
“Sorry, sis. See you.”
“Did you just call me sis?” She turns around with wide eyes.
“No. You’re going insane,” He muttered to himself.
“Hey! I heard that!”
Akito woke up early for another day to do his daily routine, walking out the door of his room, he saw a familiar face with slight dark circles that she usually was able to cover with some concealer. “Hm? You're awake this early?”
She woke up from her sleepy haze to look at him, “No? I’m about to head to sleep, I just finished doing my nightly skincare.”
The clock in the hallway ticks in the silence between them as her words catch him completely speechless. “You're… about to head to sleep? I just woke up to get ready for school!” He exclaimed, looking at the hallway clock, checking if the time really was his usual awakening time. “Ena, it's six in the fucking morning, I’m not sure if your nightly skincare is very nightly.”
“Yeah. I can see that.”
Akito looks at her, concerned, “Do you always sleep at this time?”
“Not always, but I have before.”
“Wait, all those times you were awake when I was awake was because you hadn't slept yet? How long have you been doing this?” He rubs his eyes then moves his hand to rub his temples, but Ena stays silent. “You're insane, go and sleep already,” He says in annoyance, before leaving to go on his morning jog. Ena rolls her eyes before going into her room and crashing into bed. Falling into slumber like a baby, she grabs and wraps her blankets tightly around her to have protection from the cold air conditioner air in her room.
Akito sighs. He’ll have to make sure she sleeps early more often.
“I’m going off,” Akito said with a cold tone, Ena noticed the slight eye bags under his eyes, his fist was clenched in his pocket. She always had a bad feeling when he went out for practice these days. She noticed he went out more, usually buying food on the way home. Their parents barely noticed his disappearance, seemingly 'acknowledging’ his departure with a slight nod as they were focused on their own endeavours.
She felt a suspicion in her heart, deciding to leave after him—she had plans anyway, surely she would just ‘coincidentally’ bump into him?
The smell of ashes was in the air, and she saw his figure heading in a different direction than normal. She followed at a distance, the empty streets not making any of it easier. Until she noticed him pull out a box of cigarettes, taking one out and smoking it.
She stopped in her tracks. “Is that really Akito? Or is it someone that looks like him?” She lost her mind, trying to come up with excuses for what he could be doing. “Am I going insane? Am I blind? Surely… Surely that's his phone, maybe-” She sighed. She didn't know what to say or do. “It's really him,” She accepted the fact, his orange hair giving him away. She was quick to hide under a nearby shelter. He went to the smoking area, with no hesitation—she knew instantly this was a routine of his, it explained why he started leaving earlier.
“What should I do?”
She couldn't be sure, but it would explain a lot of things—but it could also be excused for his hardworking nature. “Why am I worrying so much in the first place?” She wondered, “I couldn't care less. He won't possibly get sick-” She sighs harder. What is she going to do? She's worried.
“That guy. I really want to slap him in the face…”
She ran off, not wanting to say anything, she couldn't even use it as blackmail against him to their parents, because she knew how her father would react to him smoking. If her reaction was bad, her father would be indescribable levels of fury, despite the fact her father openly smokes in their house. She finally understood why her brother smelt similar to her father—she assumed it was just their father's scent getting mixed within his.
She didn't know what to say. How was she going to face him? She sat across from him at the dinner table, staring at him more than usual.
“What do you want? Why do you keep staring at me?” He noticed her prying eyes.
“Nothing.”
“Just tell me, you ass.”
“Not right now.”
He looked at her suspiciously before continuing to eat, he didn't know. What should she do? What are the chances someone had the same clothes and hair colour as him?
She had a dilemma, and she was facing it in the hallway outside their room once again. “Akito, why do you go to practise for so long? You always go so early, and so late these days.” He glanced back at her nonchalantly. “What are you doing at that time? Do you have something coming up?”
“Yeah. I just want to warm up and practice longer if I want to catch up to my other members,” He acted naturally, and she couldn't think of anything else. Does he know that she knows?
She had to check once again. She didn't trust it. She knew it was him, and his area—perhaps she should… catch him in the act?
Ena found herself looking around with vigilant eyes. Preen to see her brother, she wore a mask to block that god awful smell. Is it really him? There could be more things he was hiding—in fact, there were most likely many secrets he was hiding from her. They weren't close, they only talked because they were family—but why does the ties of blood in our family keep us together?
Why are they restricted by the history of growing up together, coming out of the same womb? Why does she yearn to not care, when she knows its her brother?
She herself was confused. Ena barely had any idea of how to handle her emotions. She hesitated asking, but the curiosity was too much to handle, and the realisation was too overwhelming to ignore. The dots were connected, and she wished she could remove them from her mind.
And there Akito was, walking to his usual spot, taking a seat. She saw his face clearly, and the box of cigarettes in his hand. She mustered up the courage in her heart to let out a few words, taking off her mask to show her face, “Akito?”
To say he jumped was an understatement. “Ena? What are you-”
“So it really was you.” Tears were falling down her face, she didn't even know why.
“Why are you… crying?” He looked up at her with glossy eyes.
“I don't know why I care about you so much, because it seems like you barely do. Especially so with the way you're comfortably smoking like our father. I couldn't care less about him, but for some reason, when it’s you, I feel this unsettling feeling I can't ignore.”
“Then think of me like dad. Like father, like son, right? I’ll probably age like that fucking old man—I’d be a bad father too.”
She wanted to scream at him, “How are you going to live to the age of becoming a father if you're smoking so much? And underage too—where the hell are you getting these from?” She snatches his box away from him, the sounds of the cigarettes hitting the sides of the box were heard. “I’m disappointed, Akito. I asked you why you went out more often for longer periods of time—I had to find some doubt in my suspicions, but your shifty eyes eluded a strange energy.”
“Ena-”
“I don't want to hear it! Say you’ll stop.” She pleaded. Many other people in the area were staying further away from them, not wanting to get involved in a family feud.
She stormed off as her hands clenched his box of cigarettes. “Hey, give me back my fucking-”
“You still want to keep it? You're fucking stupid, Akito. I wanted to slap you but now I want you out of my fucking life so I don't have to waste so much time caring about your unresponsible ass.”
He stayed quiet, unmoving as he watched her dump the box in the trash, looking back at him with pitiful eyes. He was going to make a quick quip about how much she complained about him, but he didn't say anything, not wanting to strain their relationship more—perhaps it was better to show his more embarrassing side to her.
“You're going to ruin your fucking voice! I know you're gonna get anxious when you realise your amazing singing skill is gone to waste because of your stupid actions!” She yelled at him, “I don't want to hear it! Any of it!” Grabbing his shoulders, even when he towered over her by a head. Tears welled up in her eyes, “I can't let you grow up into someone like that, like our father—when I can stop it, so that’s what I’m fucking doing right now, you stupid fool.”
Akito’s eyes softened. “Why the fuck– God.” He stutters, “It's annoying. Everything I do reminds me of that man.” Obviously referring to his father.
Ena allows him to sit down, now she is standing in front of him, holding his cheek. “I know. Even just now, I almost felt like him—when I was screaming at you. Sorry about that,” She hiccups in between her words due to her tears. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m just worried. I want to be a good older sister that you're worthy of telling people about.”
Akito looked at her with wide eyes.
It felt as if time slowed down, and he couldn't help but feel a sense of solace and comfort venting his feelings—and his feelings being relatable to her. It felt like he wasn't alone. Like he was understood, because he was. He grabs her hand on his cheek, removing it but holding it tightly. He was understood by her, and she understood him too.
“I’m the one who should be saying that. I made you… cry.” He rubs his thumb in circles on her hand. Ena by now is kneeling in front of him.
“I probably contributed to the fact you started smoking. Will you promise me… that you will stop?” She smiles up at him. He wipes her dry tears from her face, her soft and slight makeup ruined.
“Yeah. I’ll tell you everything if anything happens, so you better tell me too.” He pulls out a pack of wet wipes for her to wipe most of her makeup off.
She complains about all her efforts into looking good being wasted, “There goes my makeup… I spent so long imitating those pictures online, just for it to get ruined because of you! And there's still a faint mark of my tears on my face—I look like I’ve been through some things.” As she looked at herself in her phone, she noticed something in the corner of her eye—Akito was holding out a disposable mask for her.
“You can cover your face with this, I didn't use it yet, I was planning to wear it on the way back home after I…” He trailed off, he often wore a mask on the way home to hide his ashy and smoky smelling breath. The mask that Ena was wearing on the way here was all ruined due to her tears.
“I know,” She snatches the mask from his hands, wiping her eyes one more time. “Akito, wanna go out today? I feel like I should buy you something—I did throw a fresh packet of cigarettes.” She stood up and reached out her hand to help him up.
“Yeah, I’ll go, but I’ll split the cash.” He stood up with her assistance.
“No, I’m treating you out as an apology, stop butting in!”
“It's not that much, relax, it was just some cigs I took from that guy's stash. I really should be the one apologising.”
“Just shut up already! You keep complaining that I never treat you out and when you're given the opportunity you don't want it? Are you insane? Do you want me to die early due to the stress of having to take care of you?” She joked innocently—even if she did have thoughts of disappearing before, but she pushed that story aside to cheer her younger brother up.
Akito’s figure deflated as his body closed up from his confident posture.
“I want you here with me as long as possible. So don't… disappear.
“I meant it as a small joke, you silly idiot,” She clears up his head of any misunderstandings. “I have thought about such things before because of him as well, but not anymore. I wouldn't be a good older sister to you by doing that,” She patted him on the shoulder, leaving her hand there.
“Akito, should I dye my hair?” She asked him randomly and seemingly out of the blue.
“Did you barge into my room just to ask that?” He stopped what he was doing to look at her with displeasure in his olive-green eyes.
“Answer my goddamn question.”
“I don’t care if you dye your hair. Why are you such a raging bitch all the time?”
“I got the raging bitch part from our damned father, and so did my hair, so I want to dye my hair a different colour because I get reminded of him every time I look in the goddamn mirror,” She plays with the braid. “I have all his features, I’m… jealous that you don't.”
“I like your hair the way it is— wait, is this why you kept it short? So you don't have to see more of it? Anyway… I don't care if you dye it, just don't make him or mom too mad,” He stares straight at her hair.
She looks in the mirror. “It’ll be temporary, but I know dad will freak out — what’s even the problem of me dying my hair anyway?” She fiddles with the end of her hair, combing and carding her hand through locks of her hair.
Akito looked at her as if she was stupid, “You realise our school doesn't allow dyed hair, right?”
“But we're on break! Surely most of my hair will grow out, and if not, I’ll just dye it back to my natural hair colour. Wait, isn't that stupid yellow streak in your hair dyed? You hypocrite.” She looks at him confidently. “What colour should I do? What’s a colour he’ll get super pissed at?” She was obviously planning to dye her hair to a colour their father would be absolutely mad at.
“You're insane,” He laughs, “Go bright red, or you can try something similar to me and mom. If you want you can add a yellow streak to remind you of me.”
“Be serious for one sec, can you?” She looks at herself in a nearby mirror, she imagines the colour red on her—She doesn't mind it. “Red isn’t so bad… Do you think I’d look good? But they say red hair is hard to colour back… should I go blonde? Maybe I can get a yellow streak too… Ugh, this is so frustrating.”
Akito chuckles, “Go blonde then, next break turn it red.” Their current school break was about a month long, but the upcoming break would be much longer—giving Ena more time with her red hair, thus giving her more time to make their father mad and more time to ‘undo’ the treatments on her hair.
“Smart. What would I do without you?”
“Die, probably.”
She laughs. “Thanks. I… appreciate it,” She says the words with a hint of hesitation—not because she didn’t believe in them, but because she never really said it to her brother. They truly found trust in each other.