Chapter Text
It's almost funny, in a way, how green pastures and bright skies can seem as frightening as the chittering of rats. All the hairs on my arms are standing up, while Hugo and Mother seem like they're back home, in the Chateau. My stomach almost curdles at the reminder, the image of the castle seeming like a mirage from a long distant dream. A part of me wonders what it looks like now, has the Macula torn it to rubble like every other structure she's come across? Or is it just skeletons littering an empty estate, untouched by the plague?
I still remember the servants we had, Ilan, Cera... God what were the names of the others? I just... I don't remember! What the fuck, how can that be?
Suddenly a hand clomps down on my shoulder, and I wheel around, shiv palmed into my hand, brought back to strike, but only a coy smile meets my glare. "Damn kid, you are fast with that. Would've thought the insomnia would have made you slower, but nope!" Sophia grins with nary a care in the world, but her eyes betray a certain nervousness.
I relax, and put the shiv I was carrying back where it belongs.
She won't hurt me.
She might.
No. She won't.
"You know you could not scare me like that, right?" I try to deflect with a joke, but apparently today is not my lucky day.
"You got some sleep since last we spoke, right? You look a bit better for sure, but this natural light can be deceiving. Damn evil is what it is, never thought I'd miss the look of rainclouds up overhead." I sigh and nod, Sophia taking a seat next to me, grumbling something about her age catching up with her.
Who is she kidding, she's not that old.
We cast our eyes over the green of the hills, windmills adorning them like swords on the rat coated battlefields. All the places we saw, me and Hugo, were like that, yet this place is fine. It feels almost unreal, but Hugo has shown a marked improvement, the Macula receding its control over him. Even Mother is impressed by it, and her praise is few and far between, that I know for a fact.
Now's your chance. You can just go. I grimace at the idea popping up, of course I can't just leave. Even the very thought brings bile to my stomach, like a very betrayal of our quest. But... the quest is over isn't it? He's cured, or almost at any rate. My finger itches for the trigger on the crossbow, feeling like I need to punch a hole in something, to feel that satisfaction. That thrill of iron hitting blood, and as much as her brain rebels against that very thought, it feels right. But it's not, is it? It can't be, it's just running. How often did I hear about deserters in the army, back before everything went to crap. How they were punished with amputation, or death. It's all one and the same with this plague, isn't it.
It's okay. You can ask her.
Gulping saliva down her throat, I turn to the dark skinned woman next to me, blissfully oblivious to my inner depravities. Multiple parts of me war for what to say next, but I force it out with as much strength as I have.
"Sophia, can I ask something?" She blinks to herself, and then turns to me.
"Sure kid, what's up?"
"I... when are you leaving?"
"Gonna miss me already?" She grins, but sees none of the same levity in my face, so quickly turns serious. "I don't know really. Soon as I get stocked up, I guess. You may want to live here, but I sure don't, my home is out on the seas, warts and all. Plus, as much as I said this was my last trip... my crew knew better."
My breath freezes in my throat as I try to say what I want to say, my brain screaming at me to just get it out already. Sophia quickly grabs my hand to stop me from spiralling, and levels a contemplative look at me. "Something on your mind, Amicia?"
"I- I mean I was just-"
"Okay, okay, it's alright. Just breathe alright, follow my lead. In-" She grips my hand tight and we breathe in together.
"And out." And we exhale together as well, her grip loosening, but never releasing my hand. We continue this routine for four more rotations, and my mind hasn't felt clearer for... too long. A week at least.
"I won't judge you for what you want to say, alright?" My brain tries to find some way to dispute that, some loophole. Unfortunately, there's none, and I have to accept the cold hard truth. Sophia cares. About me.
What the fuck. Seriously, what the actual fuck. I- I don't know what to do about that. No, I can't handle that, just get this out.
"Sophia, I- when you leave, can you- sorry, can I... come with you?" I ask, absolutely despising how timid I sound at that, and it seems this is the thing that confuses her, finally.
"You want to leave? Hugo, all this?" My hand starts shaking at what I hear to be condemnation, how dare I leave when this is my job, I need to stay. Tears even bleed through my eyelids, how long has it been since I've shed those. Blood rains through my very thoughts, but tears? It doesn't take long, however, for her to wrap her other hand around the already clasped one, steading my heartbeat just a bit.
"Okay, you're obviously distressed now, but I have a deal for you. Listening?" I nod, but not without some confusion. She lets go of both my hands, but keeps them close by.
"Take some time to sort out your thoughts. I'm serious Amicia. Try to relax, take a bath, rolling around with rats does nothing for the smell. Also get some damn sleep you absolute workaholic. And when you can explain why you want to leave, because I know it's a bloody good reason, I'll be here." She says with surety, keeping her eyes on mine to make sure I know. She's serious. She promises. I don't know what to do with that so I just nod, moisture welling up in my eyes.
Damn tears. What the fuck am I doing, really. But... I need to leave. It needs to happen. I'm glad I have her at least. I, heh, have a feeling the rest of the people here won't be as supportive.
Her smile turns remorseful at that, and she cleans my eyes with her fingers, before slapping them against her legs and getting up in one swift motion.
"Right! I'm gonna steal some food from the castle, sure they won't mind. Remember what I said Amicia, get some damn sleep. Your ride isn't going anywhere." She flashes me a grin, and then hops off to do her all too ritualistic larceny.
A faint smile comes onto my face, and as much as I try, I can't remove it. Even more so when I realize, throughout that whole conversation, choking on air aside, I didn't hear any chittering of rats. Maybe it's La Cuna, maybe it's something more, but for the first time in a long while.
I feel like I'm doing the right thing.