Work Text:
Red.
Red.
Red.
All Dan Feng could see was the red blood that wasn’t his on the palms of his hands.
It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this and he couldn’t forgive himself for not being able to protect Yingxing when he said that he always would. He hated himself for it. Had he not failed, Yingxing would still be here.
Just like that, the love of his life was taken from him far too soon.
Yingxing still had so much ahead of him. They still had so much ahead of them. Dan Feng wished it’s not true. It couldn’t be true.
So he did the most selfish thing he had ever done in his life.
To bring Yingxing back to life.
He knew a way and he would be then committing an unforgivable sin but he would do anything if it meant that he would get to see Yingxing again.
It didn’t matter what he would have to sacrifice, what he would have to risk, what would happen to him. People could not forgive him for it, punish him for it, execute him for it. If he could bring Yingxing back to life, if he could bring Yingxing back to him, if he could bring Yingxing back, nothing else mattered.
Though it wasn’t what he had hoped for.
When Dan Feng saw Yingxing again, Yingxing was something different. The dragon before his eyes wasn’t anything like Yingxing. He watched him destroy the place, kill the people, causing a destruction to the surroundings.
Jing Yuan arrived at the scene, obviously furious over what was happening. The glare from him wasn’t going to hide about it. “What did you do?”
“I did what I had to do,” Dan Feng said.
“You need to stop this,” Jing Yuan told Dan Feng.
Dan Feng helplessly glared at Jing Yuan back upon hearing Jing Yuan’s words. Jing Yuan wasn’t the only one furious anymore. “Stay away from this.”
Despite that, Jing Yuan still didn’t look like he’s going to just leave Dan Feng alone. “I can’t let you continue this any further.”
Dan Feng wasn’t going to back away, either. “I won’t let you stop me.”
It became a fight between the two. Dan Feng never thought of the day where he would be against his best friend and he was still able to hear Jing Yuan saying something but he refused to listen.
Dan Feng only watched Yingxing who didn’t seem to be able to control himself. He couldn’t stop him.
From the distance, he could hear the cries from Yingxing, as if begging someone, anyone, to help him, to stop him, to kill him.
But Dan Feng didn’t care. He didn’t care if Yingxing was different from the Yingxing he knew because the Yingxing he knew wouldn’t do any of this.
Yet Yingxing could be anything, do anything, anything at all, just for as long as he’s here. Dan Feng wouldn’t mind sacrificing everything and everyone if it meant Yingxing got to live.
Yingxing was the only one that mattered.
“It’s okay… You’re okay…” Dan Feng reassured.
“Can’t you see he’s suffering?” Jing Yuan was still at it and Dan Feng ignored him yet again. “Dan Feng!” he called out with a raised voice, as if he’s fed-up with Dan Feng by now.
“It was not his time, Jing Yuan!” Dan Feng exclaimed. He clenched his teeth in frustration. “What’s wrong with this? Yingxing was gone. I brought him back. Aren’t you happy? You should be happy. He’s here again…” When he thought about it, though, maybe no one could get him. No one could love Yingxing as much as he did. No one could feel what he felt. “I guess you wouldn’t understand me… All of you wouldn’t understand me…” It had always been like that; Yingxing was the only one who fully understood him. “You’re just the same as everyone else.”
“Why wouldn’t I understand?!” Jing Yuan asked. “I loved him, too!”
It surprised Dan Feng to hear the words from Jing Yuan. He could feel that Jing Yuan might be sharing the same feelings as he did with Yingxing because he noticed the way Jing Yuan looked at Yingxing and he knew no one would just look at his friend with such longing in his eyes. Though he never asked. Jing Yuan never said a thing. Looking back now, maybe they just didn’t want to ruin their friendship. Now he knew. He couldn’t say anything.
“I know how you feel… I don’t want to lose him, either…” Jing Yuan carried on. “But if we truly loved him, would we be so cruel to do this to him? Is this what he wants? Take a look at him, he’s hurting…”
Dan Feng did take a look at Yingxing. He knew Yingxing was in pain, but he couldn’t accept a world where he no longer could see Yingxing, where he no longer could hear him, where he no longer could spend time together with him as they used to, he couldn’t accept a world without Yingxing. And he had been convincing himself that Yingxing was fine with this, with him doing this. Yingxing must be. After all, he promised Dan Feng that he would never leave him alone.
“We have to let him go,” Jing Yuan spoke again. “You have to let him go.”
Dan Feng was still hesitant about it. Yingxing meant a lot to him. He came into his life and brought him so many beautiful memories. Dan Feng thought his life from then on would be full of bliss, like a dream. Yingxing was the first one to ever see Dan Feng as an actual person, to treat him like a friend rather than the High Elder, to love him for who he was. The star of his life.
He wasn’t ready to say goodbye to that person.
Somehow, he could hear Yingxing begging him to stop. So he gave in. All it took was telling Jing Yuan a way to end it and he watched Yingxing die in the hands of Jing Yuan. He could never do that to Yingxing.
“I’m sorry for everything,” was all Dan Feng could say.
And so, he was forced to accept the truth that he wished so badly to be nothing more than a lie.
Yingxing was gone.