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“Onii-chan? How was practice today?” Saki asks Tsukasa as he comes home. He seems tired, shadows under his eyes and a cold pallor to his skin. He looks up to meet her eyes, a smile on his face; though it feels… stilted. Practiced. She frowns. Perhaps practice was hard today? Tsukasa strides up to her normally, but there’s something off about it. In fact, everything about her brother seems a little to the left right now.
“Ah. Hello Saki. Practice was fine. We had just figured out my role for this show, the one we’re doing with that professional troupe. It’ll be difficult, but I think I can do it.” Her brother is smiling gently the whole time he speaks, his tone soft and calm, but Saki can’t help but feel that something isn’t right. The vibe is off. Tsukasa seems off. He’s too calm. Too quiet. Where is her loud, boisterous brother?
“Are you feeling okay, Onii-chan?” She can’t help but ask, worriedly. He simply keeps smiling at her. It grows slightly wider, making it look a little more distorted, but he simply shakes his head.
“Saki, I’m fine. I’m always fine, aren’t I? Don’t you trust me?” He asks, looking concerned now. He’s still smiling. Saki wants to take his words at face value, look past the stale kind tone and stilted smile and accept that her brother wouldn’t lie to her. But she can’t ignore him, not when he’s right in front of her. She’s ignored him before, she knows deep down she has. When he was trying out for the role of Rio, when he was attempting to grasp the role of Torpe. She noticed that he stopped coming to her about his troubles after he came to her and Toya for advice on Torpe. Perhaps he never actually had before that either.
She looks at him again, really looks at him, noticing how deep the bags under his eyes are. Noticing how dull his eyes are, like they’ve lost their spark. She takes in his expression, concluding that the man before her is not her brother. It can’t be. Where did her older brother go? Was this a sudden change, or has this been happening for a while and she never managed to notice. How long has he been hiding this?
“Onii-chan. Tsukasa. Something… isn’t right with you today. Did something happen at practice today? Please, talk to me.” She begs him. Pleads him even. His smile twitches, almost falling, before fixing itself. Saki can almost see how he’s retreating into himself, and she can’t do anything but stand there and watch as he gets farther away. It’s now that she is forced to acknowledge the gaping chasm between them. How much does she really know her brother? How much does he really know her? She couldn’t give you an answer to either.
Tsukasa chuckles, and it’s the emptiest sound she’s ever heard fall from his lips. He embraces her in a hug, but there is a lack of warmth. She hugs him back, trying but unable to cling to him as he pulls back. She can’t see her brother in the eyes of the person in front of her.
“Nothing happened at practice, Saki. I simply got into character is all! I can assure you, I’m fine.” He assures her. She feels a shiver run down her spine. She wants to react. She cant. She can’t cry, can’t scream, can’t do anything. Her brother is too far away from her now for her alone to bring him back. He gives her what he must think is a comforting smile before he walks up to his room. She remembers that he gave up the privacy of his old room and gave it to her, taking over the inside balcony that was the nursery when Saki was much younger and not at the hospital all the time. She can’t describe what she’s feeling other than it being despair. The door to Tsukasa’s room clicks closed in the quiet house, and Saki is stuck. Stuck in place, in a house with a stranger in her brother’s skin, and there’s nothing she can do but wait, hoping he comes back.