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Luna frowned at Mars, looking up at him as irritation twisted in his core. “No,” he practically growled, his voice low. “I’m not moving.”
Mars put his hands on his hips, staring down at Luna with narrowed eyes. “Luna, we’re all—”
Luna snapped back almost immediately, interrupting him. “If you’re going to say anything along the lines of ‘we’re all sad about this’, I don’t want to hear it, Mars! I’m his moon - I-I was his moon.” He stuttered at the last line, clenching his hands as he realized that Earth was now a past tense - even if he was still alive, there was no way he would be able to get back to the Solar System.
Mars sighed, throwing his head back as he pressed his hands to his eyes. “And I was—” He sucked in a breath, cutting himself off. “I know, Luna, but you can’t just - you need to take care of yourself too, okay? Earth would want that; you know he would.” Luna could hear the despondence in his voice, but it was almost like his core was shuttered, like his ability to empathize with other people had left with Earth. He just stared hard at Mars, mouth downturned in a tight scowl.
“I’m not leaving.” Luna turned around, squeezing his eyes closed against the tears that wanted to erupt again. “And you can’t make me.”
He heard Mars sigh behind him, a heavy sigh layered with emotions Luna couldn’t identify at the moment, before gravity swirled around him and Mars’s arms wrapped around his middle. “You need—” He grunted against Luna’s thrashing limbs, “to move, Luna. This isn’t healthy! Leaving his orbit will be good for you, I promise.”
Luna just thrashed harder, panic edging out the anger the further they moved away from Earth’s orbit. “No!” He yelped, pushing his arms against Mars’s, frantically trying to escape his gravity. “I’m not— Let me go!” Deep inside, Luna wondered if Mars was right, that leaving Earth’s orbit would do him good - but his surface level emotions were roiling so intensely, all he could focus on was the alarm rolling through his core at the thought of moving even another inch.
Finally, he clenched his hand and dragged his nails down Mars’s arm, regretting it almost immediately as Mars let go of him with a low shout. Still, the moment Mars’s hold on him dropped, Luna shot back into Earth’s orbit, letting the familiar feeling relax around him like a warm hold. Mars was shaking his arm, looking at Luna with alarm in his eyes; a second later, Mercury dashed into view, his face equally alarmed.
“Mars? Are you okay? I was- watching, from Venus’s orbit.” He asked, looking between Mars and Luna with a distressed look.
“I’m fine, Mercury - I’m just trying to get Luna to leave Earth’s orbit, and completely failing.” Mars gave Luna an unimpressed look, hand pressing against the arm Luna had raked his nails down, raised red lines obvious against his skin.
“I’m sorry!” Luna said, “But I’m not moving!” He pressed his arms tighter around himself in the facsimile of a hug, digging his nails into his own skin. Mercury floated over to Mars, giving him an unreadable look before turning towards Luna, his shoulders dropping.
“Luna, this isn’t healthy… but it’s also not going to be any help forcing you out of this orbit.” He threw a chastising look back at Mars, who thinned his lips and looked away. “Just… please come talk to me if you need to - at any point, I don’t care what I’m doing. We’re here for you, Luna, I promise. We all lost him.”
Luna took a deep breath, giving Mercury a short nod before he turned away, looking towards the Sun (who was still unresponsive to everyone, even Jupiter, even Mercury). Distantly, he could hear Mercury’s low voice behind him, a chiding tone that faded into the distance as he probably followed Mars back to his orbit.
Luna let himself fall into a sitting position, knees pressed up against his chest, as the urge to cry hit him like an asteroid straight to the core. He pushed his hands up against his eyes, tears slipping out and wetting his face as he sucked in short, stuttered breaths. He let the feeling of being in Earth’s orbit wrap around his core as he finally just shoved his face against his knees and hoped he’d fall asleep - his dreams were a much happier place to be, at least for a little while.
He came to awareness again with the feeling that something was off - and then he spotted Earth, and an automatic smile came to his face, wiping away any negative feelings before they could develop.
“Earth!” He called, waving a hand in the air as his planet turned around with an equally bright smile on his face. Luna jumped forward, wrapping his arms around Earth in a tight hug.
“Luna! What’s up?” Earth replied easily, his voice happy; Luna sucked in a deep breath as tears suddenly sprung to his eyes before he wiped them away, wondering exactly why he was crying. “You okay, dude?” Earth’s hand landed heavy on his shoulder, and Luna looked up at him with another bright smile - he didn’t need to burden Earth with his issues, however confusing they were.
“I’m fine, Earth, I promise!” Luna offered, letting himself float upwards so he was face to face with Earth. “What are you doing?”
“What do you mean, Luna? I just got back from playing cards with the others.” Luna frowned and shook his head, unsure of why he couldn’t remember that - his head was foggy, his memories slipping out of his reach easily.
“I-I don’t know? Just tell me about what you did.” Luna replied, settling into his normal orbital position around Earth as he kept his eyes on his planet, something inside of him aching with a deep hurt. “Please?”
“O-kay. We just played cards! I didn’t win a single time, somehow - I swear I must be cursed. Oh, and Mars—” Luna just listened to Earth, hands cradling his face as he watched, drinking in the sight of Earth so happy. Earth chatted inanely for a while, Luna responding as needed. An unsettling feeling crept on the edge of his mind, and Luna tried to shove it away, but it was still there - an unforgettable sensation.
Earth finally trailed off as his gaze locked with Luna’s again, a considering expression on his face. “You’ve been looking at me for a while, Luna. What’s up?”
“I’m just glad you came back, Earth.” Luna heard himself saying, frowning a second later as he realized what he’d said. “Wait… came back? What am I saying?” Earth’s smile suddenly turned wistful, his eyes sad.
“Oh, Luna…” Earth said, swiping a lock of hair from his forehead. “You’re dreaming. I’m still gone.” Luna froze, the smile wiping off his face immediately.
“What?” He reacted, reaching out a hand towards Earth - only his hand swiped the empty air as Earth disappeared in front of his eyes, and Luna frantically turned around in circles, eyes darting around as he searched for Earth futilely. “EARTH?!” He called again, louder this time, the edge of panic in his voice.
“What do you mean? EARTH!” His eyes shot open, and suddenly he was blinded by the Sun’s light, his chest heaving as he sucked in deep breaths; his eyes ached, the unmistakable feeling that came from crying so long.
“Oh.” He heard himself say, distantly, swallowing hard. “It was a dream.” He gazed around the Solar System, sighing heavily as all of the memories hit again. Earth was still gone. He was still alone. In the distance, he could see Mars talking to Phobos and Deimos, and he buried his face into his legs again, the sight like a second crack in his already broken core.
He looked back up at the Sun again, considering, something awful plodding through his mind. If he… No. Luna shook his head. If Earth… somehow, somehow managed to come back to the Solar System one day, Luna was going to be there. He couldn’t - Luna bit down on his finger, the shock of pain rolling through his system and bringing him back to focus. He couldn’t let these thoughts gain even a second of traction.
Letting out a deep sigh, Luna looked up again; Mercury was floating in his orbit, limbs drawn tight against his body. Maybe…he closed his eyes tight again, pressing his nails into his legs so hard it hurt. Not now. It still hurt to consider leaving Earth’s orbit. But in the future… maybe.
“Mercury?” Luna called out quietly, standing with his arm held tight against his body with his hand stroking back and forth just below his shoulder. He’d actually managed to leave Earth’s orbit after what felt like years of consideration and false starts - being away from the comfort that the orbit brought him was almost core-shattering, but Luna pushed against it, knowing he needed to take the steps at some point.
“Mercury?” He called again, taking another step forward. Mercury seemingly still hadn’t heard him, staring forward with his chin pressed against his drawn-up knees. “Are you okay?” Mercury finally turned to look at him, blinking his eyes fast as if he couldn’t believe what was in front of him - he withdrew from his seated position with a start, launching towards Luna and collecting him into a tight hug; Luna just let it happen, relishing in the press of Mercury’s comforting weight.
“You left Ea-” Mercury stopped himself halfway through his sentence, smiling sheepishly at Luna. “Did you need to talk to me?” Luna nodded, unsure exactly how to word what he wanted to say, and Mercury drew a gentle hand around his arm and pulled him toward his orbit.
Luna finally spoke again, looking in the distance at the massive sphere that was the sun. “I haven’t been this close to the Sun since - well, since you know.” He coughed, a slight frown twitching on his face. “It’s… warm.”
“That’s an understatement,” Mercury said, smiling at Luna. “Now, what’s wrong? Is this like - a therapy thing, or a friend thing?” Luna considered it for a second, fidgeting with his hands.
“Both?” He said finally, his voice uncertain. “I don’t know. I just wanted to get your opinion on something. It’s not… easy to say.” Luna had a lot of time to think, just sitting in Earth’s orbit - his dreams tormented him with memories of Earth, countless moments where he wasn’t aware of the fact that he was gone, before they turned into nightmares where he searched endlessly for someone he knew wasn’t there - so Luna preferred to stay awake these days. “I…” Luna sighed again, tracing his teeth with his tongue with pinpricks of pain lighting up.
“I keep having thoughts. About… doing what Earth was about to do. Committing suicide.” Luna spoke in halted sentences, like he was dragging the words out. Mercury’s eyebrows drew in, his mouth downturned as he stared at Luna with sad eyes. “I don’t - I don’t want to, but the thoughts are just there. They’re almost impossible to ignore. I know Earth wouldn’t want me to—”
Mercury grabbed Luna’s hand, tightening his grip on it after a second. “Luna,” he interrupted after a second. “Yes. Earth wouldn’t want you to - but you can’t live on just for him. You need to find another reason, one for you. Not for Earth. I love- loved Earth, and I miss him just like you do, but… just focusing on him when you consider thoughts like that isn’t healthy.”
Luna looked down, closing his hand tighter around Mercury’s until it practically hurt, before shaking his head and letting go, just loosely holding onto his hand. “I don’t know how to do that. I barely managed to get myself to leave his orbit just to talk to you today. It feels like - there’s a before Earth was ejected, and there’s a during - but I don’t want to consider the after. It feels easier to just… forget that he’s gone.”
Mercury gave him a sad smile. “I know. But you need to try, don’t you?”
“I want to try. It just feels hard.”
“Don’t worry, Luna. You’ve got me… and Mars, and Venus, and every other person in this Solar System. We’ll make sure you find a reason; and if you just want to keep this between you and me, I’ll help you find a reason.”
Luna squeezed Mercury’s hand tighter, letting himself fall against his shoulder as he looked into the distance at the Sun again.
“Thanks, Mercury.”
“Anytime, Luna.”