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It was something straight out of those historic angst-ridden dramas that Daichi loved. Koushi had no patience for them. Isn’t there enough to cry about in real life without getting invested in some fictional character’s angst?
Daichi had laughed at him.
That deep rich laugh that warmed Koushi’s belly like a sip of whisky or dozing in the afternoon sunshine. Delicious and intoxicating. As close as he could get to kissing his best friend. Koushi would do anything to get Daichi to laugh.
This moment was neither a sip of whisky nor a lazy sunshine nap. Daichi would’ve approved, rain clattering on the windows, the moment where the viewer’s stomach would drop along with Koushi’s when the careful voice on the other end of the line spoke the dreaded words:
“Mr. Sugawara there’s been an accident.”
Cue a flash of lightning to cast Koushi’s face in shadow.
Forty five minutes and one cry in the back of the bus later and Koushi was splashing through the puddles up to the entrance to the hospital. Daichi was fine the nurse had said, just hit his head pretty hard when taken a fall off of his bike on the way home from work. Koushi wouldn’t feel at peace until he’d given Daichi a good whack for scaring the shit out of him.
The nurse took him right to the room
“He actually just woke up,” she told him. “He’s been in and out of it since they brought him in but he finally seems to be lucid.”
“Good,” Koushi said, “I’ve got a bone to pick with him.”
“The only problem is,” she paused outside the room, Koushi nearly pushing past her to confirm with his own eyes that his best friend was still alive. To deliver the promised whacking. She grabbed his elbow to stop him and Koushi bit back the urge to snap at her.
“The only thing is,” she said meeting his eyes in a way that ran Koushi’s blood cold, “he’s got some amnesia.”
Koushi waited for her to tell him that was a joke. A guy didn’t get amnesia from falling off a bike, Koushi wasn’t stupid. Especially Daichi, his head was as hard as they came. Though maybe if Daichi’s had hit his head hard enough… The nurse was staring him down. Koushi felt a nervous nauseating twist in his stomach. She wasn’t joking. He was about to step in and face a Daichi who didn’t recognize him. Maybe he’d never get his Daichi back. His eyes were burning with tears again.
“It’s probably temporary,” she said patting him on the shoulder sympathetically, “but he’s going to need you to support him for a bit here and remind him until those memories come back.”
She opened the door but Koushi found he was scared to step through. He rubbed his eyes. The nurse waiting. He sucked in a shaky breath. Come on Koushi, pull it together. It’s temporary.
This was doable. He could get through this. They could get through this. He’d take damn good care of Daichi.
He reached for the doorjamb to anchor himself back to the present, brain leaping forward already planning to grab Daichi’s favorite take-out meals. Maybe even watch one of his angst filled drama flicks. Maybe that would jar his memory.
“Mr. Sugawara, are you…”
“Okay,” he assured the nurse, “can I just see him?”
“Sure.” She stepped in ahead of him, Koushi at her heels.
“Mr. Sawamura,” she said with a polite smile, and Koushi had a whole moment to meet the curious look in Daichi’s eyes with relief in his heart before the nurse finished her sentence and upset the careful balance of his life, “your boyfriend is here.”
Koushi opened his mouth to correct her, embarrassment flushing fast and hot through his face like boiling water. Why had she said that? Did he give his feelings away that clearly? God, and now Daichi…
In fright Koushi pulled his eyes back to meet Daichi’s, to see the divot between his brows of confusion. The bandage around his forehead, Koushi being hit all at once who small and frail big beefy Daichi looked in that hospital bed.
“Boyfriend?” Daichi’s voice was a little rough, uncertain, maybe even… hopeful? Koushi felt his stomach twist, he had to say something, right now, it’d be dishonest to go along with what the nurse had just said. Manipulative even.
“Yep!” the nurse agreed beaming a bright smile between the two of them, “Mr. Boyfriend is here to take care of you so you can just relax.”
“Mr. Boyfriend?” Daichi asked eyes fixed firmly on Koushi now, not laughing off this assertion in the slightest, and god, he really didn’t recognize Koushi did he? Koushi felt the tears rising up again but he choked them down. The nurse had said Daichi needed him, he had to be strong. The nurse who was currently sashaying out, her mischief sewn, with a breezy ‘I’ll be back with the doctor in a bit’.
“Yeah, uh,” Koushi scratched his neck and stepped closer to the bed. Daichi’s wrist was wrapped up but besides that and the head bandage he seemed pretty normal. “I’m Koushi. The uh, nurse said you had some amnesia.”
“Oh, yeah,” Daichi agreed with a sheepish smile, “Koushi.”
That was a mistake. Koushi’s heart being crushed to hear Daichi call him by his given name. Daichi who didn’t remember him.
“You don’t remember me at all?” Koushi asked quieter. Daichi considered him a moment.
“Maybe a little?” he said, “Can you tell me how we started dating?”
Koushi couldn’t do this.
“We’ve been friends forever,” he said instead, “Since high school.”
“High school sweethearts,” Daichi supplied. Koushi’s heart was a balled up sheet of paper, tears in his eyes, unable to give the affirmative to that, much as he wished it was so. They had been friends since high school, and roommates forever after that. Koushi couldn’t imagine his life without Daichi. “Don’t cry,” Daichi said reaching for his hand, “It’ll come back to me.” Koushi let his hand slip into Daichi’s, the warmth and strength of it. He sank into the chair beside Daichi’s bed, the weight of wishing he could be Daichi’s high school sweetheart bearing down on him.
“How’s your head feel?” he asked, voice still wobbly, trying to change the subject.
“Not bad. They’ve got me on the good stuff though,” Daichi jerked his chin toward the IV, running his thumb over Koushi’s. Koushi snorted wetly at that.
“Do you remember the accident?”
Daichi shook his head, chewing his lip.
“Not really, I just woke up here being poked and prodded.”
“Damn nurses,” Koushi sympathized, Daichi cocking a grin at him.
“What was our first date?”
“Our first,” Koushi choked on it,
“Yeah, I’m trying to remember, I feel like I can almost remember it, it’s on the tip of my tongue.”
Koushi looked at their hands and debated whether he shatter this illusion his injured best friend was under and maybe now lose his trust forever or make up a first date they had never gone on.
“It was,” Koushi struggled reaching for something, “so long ago I hardly remember.”
“Clearly I’m the romantic one in our relationship then?” Daichi was smiling at him, Koushi felt a hot flush down his neck.
“I’m romantic!” he protested.
“But you can’t remember our first date?”
“Okay look,” Koushi looked down at the bed and squeezed Daichi’s hand tight, “After school we went to this park and sat in the swings with ice cream from Sakanoshita.” This had happened but it certainly wasn’t a date. He and Daichi had rehashed a volleyball match they’d each watched the night before. They’d just been first years and it was the first time that Koushi had spent any outside of school time with just Daichi. That’s when he’d known, before he’d really known, that he loved Daichi. The way the other boy had smiled at him, had turned sideways in his swing to grab Koushi’s hand and they swore one day they’d make it to nationals together. And now Daichi’s hand was in his again. Koushi couldn’t bear to meet his eyes, Daichi squeezed his hand.
“I take it back. You’re a little romantic,” Daichi said quietly.
This was when the wicked nurse returned, this time with the doctor in tow. Koushi continued to hold Daichi’s hand as the doctor explained that the things Daichi couldn’t remember would probably come back with time, once he’d settled back into his routine and given his banged up head some time to recover. He was scheduled for a follow up appointment in a couple of days to make sure everything was on the mend. Prescription written. IV removed and then, still hand in hand they made their way out of the hospital. Daichi was a little shaky on his feet, Koushi eventually pulling his arm over his shoulder to better brace his friend up. Daichi giving him a small grateful smile and leaning into him.
They took a cab home, Daichi leaning over to rest his head against Koushi’s shoulder. Koushi wrapped an arm around his shoulder.
Their apartment was the same as they’d left it that morning. Daichi kicking off his shoes where he always did.
“I ordered dinner, it should be here soon. Did you want to take a shower? Tea? Lay down?”
“Lie down sounds good,” Daichi answered heavily, Koushi helping him to his bedroom.
Daichi settled into his bed, Koushi pulling a blanket up over him, Daichi smiling fondly at him.
“Are you always this much a mother hen?”
Koushi scoffed.
“Asshole,” he grumbled, “That’s what I get for trying to take care of you. I’ll go get the tea going, you just stay put here.”
“Hey, Suga. Koushi,” Koushi turned back from the door, Daichi reaching for him again. His eyes pulling away as their hands linked. “Can you kiss me?”
Koushi froze right there at the edge of Daichi’s bed. Absolutely certain that he would never have this opportunity again. And equally absolutely certain that he could not kiss Daichi under these false pretenses, that would be wrong and taking advantage. And once Daichi remembered that Koushi was not in fact his boyfriend but had been pretending to be, their friendship might be imploded as well.
“Daichi, I can’t,” the words cost Koushi everything.
“Why not?”
“You’re hurt.”
Daichi squeezed Koushi’s hand.
“Koushi, please.”
Koushi looked up to meet Daichi’s eyes, afraid he might cry again. He couldn’t pretend any longer, because he couldn’t kiss Daichi.
“Daichi, I’m so sorry, we’re not actually dating, the nurse made a stupid assumption and I was going to say something but she said you needed me and…”
“Koushi,” Daichi’s thumb smoothed over Koushi’s knuckles, his voice quiet but more than enough to stop the words clamoring to escape Koushi’s throat. “I know. Will you kiss me already?”
“You… you know?” Koushi’s voice was breathless, his heart pounding hard. Daichi’s cheeks were flushed, his turn to not meet Koushi’s eye. “Wait, Daichi?”
“Please?”
“The whole time? Wait, do you have amnesia at all?”
“I don’t remember any of this morning, or most of the last couple days, they’re just a blur. The last real clear memory I have is Saturday night? Watching that horrible show and drinking whatever that garbage beer you bought was.”
“Daichi,” Koushi could only wail, Daichi squeezing his hand tighter, Koushi’s cheeks searing with humiliation. “Why didn’t you say anything? You mean, horrible bastard!”
“You make a good boyfriend,” Daichi’s voice wasn’t gleeful and Koushi’s eyes snapped back to his face, Daichi was still flushed, his lips pulled down into the saddest little frown. Like when Koushi had talked for a month about moving to Tokyo and Daichi had told him he couldn’t go with, he had to stay to be close to his family.
“What’s that mean?” Koushi sank down onto the edge of the bed.
“It was fun to pretend. I liked you as my boyfriend.”
“Daichi. And the kiss?”
“I’ve always wondered.”
Daichi’s eyes met his, soft deep brown. Koushi’s favorite color.
“Could we pretend a little longer?”
“No,” Koushi said but reached out of cup Daichi’s cheeks, leaning forward slow to press a gentle kiss to his lips. Daichi’s hand settled on the back of Koushi’s neck, and everything Daichi had just said came rushing back to him, reconnected and whole.
“Wait Daichi,” he breathed out pulling their mouths apart, Daichi looked at him, eyes so sweet, hand tracing against Koushi’s cheek. “You want to be my boyfriend?”
“If you’ll have me.”
Koushi kissed him again.