Work Text:
Theo moved through the shops, finding himself here after hours of contemplation. But he managed to push himself out of his comfort zone, for a lack of better words. He didn’t like shopping, heck he didn’t like people.
It made him uneasy, uncomfortable and unsafe. After everything he had done you would think he was strong, he wasn’t. Maybe he seemed to be, he had a way of masking himself that convinced everyone. Including a certain blue-eyed beta, he had them all fooled.
Nobody even knew what today was, what it meant for him. He didn’t want them to know, them being the puppy pack. He told them he wanted to alone today, nobody questioned it except for Liam. But it didn’t take much for him to back away, everyone did eventually.
He didn’t need anyone seeing him like this, seeing what would happen. He didn’t need that added humiliation or feeling of pressure, he didn’t want it. “Sorry, where is the candles?” he asked, now facing one of the workers. Her orange hair curled and bouncy as her jaw opened and closed. Chewing gum was annoying enough as it is, but when her jaw clicked every single time it made him want to rip his ears off.
Stupid supernatural hearing, he mentally cursed himself and tried to block her obnoxious noises out. “Thanks,” he said, putting his head down and reaching for the white ones. He saw coloured ones, they looked nice. But he didn’t want them, he didn’t deserve them.
“Party?” he turned to see her standing behind him, a frown plastered across his face as he met her gaze. “Sorry,” she laughed, “I’m nosey don’t mind me, I just mean are you going to a party?”
“No.” Theo kept his distance; he pursed his lips. He didn’t need to talk to her, he didn’t want to. The last thing he wanted was to bring any attention to himself, he didn’t need it and he wasn’t worthy of her time. “Thanks,” he walked down the aisle, not looking back and not further engaging in conversation.
Continuing down the aisles he found the bakery section, looking through the assortment of goodies. Opening his slightly sweaty palm he counted his coins, not enough for the nice cupcakes. His eyes scanned the assortment until he caught sight of a vanilla one.
A slight dazzle of sprinkles on top, the rest remained vanilla. That one, that’s the one he wanted. He reached for it only for another hand to go forward, he turned it see someone else also had their eyes on this particular cupcake. He fought back the urge to growl at them, his coyote instincts kicking in.
Unfortunately, he didn’t control himself enough, his eyes glazing over gold. “What the fuck?” the person released his grip and retreated. Theo didn’t feel bad, this was his food. He had his eyes on it first, that was how it was in the forest. He didn’t care that this was a shop, this was his cupcake.
He walked to the register, not talking back when the worker greeted him. His mind was racing far too fast to comprehend what she was even saying, he couldn’t slow it down. “Have a great day,” she smiled, if only he fucking could.
Walking towards the door he paused, spotting flowers at the exit. He saw the price tag but the amount of coins he had left wasn’t enough, he couldn’t afford them. But nobody was looking, nobody would know, right?
Grabbing one of the tulips he walked calmly out the door, keeping his head down until he got to his truck. The sun was setting, rather fast. Starting the engine he began driving, he knew where he was going. Theo’s phone rang, he could see it in front of him.
Liam Dunbar.
Nope, he muted his phone. Not today, they could handle whatever it was today. Theo needed this day to himself, he wasn’t putting Liam first. For once, Theo was putting himself first. He knew it was selfish, it was wrong, he was a bad person. But he had to do this, he had to be selfish.
You have one new voice mail.
He ignored it, clicking the side of his phone and turning it off. Not today, he gripped the steering while and took a deep breath, almost at his destination. Only when he reached the preserve did he get out, the car now turned off and parked.
Stepping out his shoes met the mud beneath, only for him to walk towards the back of his car. Opening the back, he jumped up and tossed down his blankets and a pillow. Making himself an almost nest looking bed, one fit for a family of birds—or in this case a chimera.
Walking back to the front he grabbed the flower he had stolen and walked towards the bridge, his chest heavy and his hands shaky as he stood over it. Looking down he could remember that night as if it was yesterday, the night that changed his life and his families.
He never meant for hit to happen, to lose Tara and his parents. It had been his fault, all because he was selfish. He just wanted to fix his heart, he wanted hope. After being told his condition was getting worse and being unable to move up on the waiting list he knew his time was short, he didn’t want to die.
He was nine years old, he didn’t understand what was happening. He just knew he didn’t want to die, he was scared. So, when three people approached him in masks and told him they were surgeons and could help him, he believed them. He had been willing to try anything, he didn’t want to die.
He did what they asked of him, he met them outside. He met them at the bridge of the preserve, but what he didn’t expect was to see Tara in the lake. She wasn’t supposed to be here, why was she here? He had froze up, watching her. He saw her body grow pale, her hands shake as she reached for him.
But he did nothing. He watched her freeze, he watched her slowly sink into the river. He let his sister die, he was the reason she died. Only years later did he find out that the dread doctors had pushed her, they were the real reason she died. Using her heart to fix his, he had been told that she wanted him to have it.
Now he knew that wasn’t true. She never wanted him too, she never wanted to die. He killed her, he was the reason she was dead. Theo Raeken was not only a failure, but he was also a monster, a murderer and a bad friend. “I’m sorry,” a tear slid down his cheek as he held the flower.
He didn’t deserve her forgiveness, he knew that. If being with the Skinwalker’s prison had taught him anything, it was that he deserved this. He knew when he died that he would be going back there, to his own personal hell.
He deserved it, “I don’t deserve your forgiveness.” He dropped the flower into the lake, the petals slipping past his fingers. “I miss you Tara,” a tear slid down his cheek as he watched the water move, “I miss you every day… I didn’t—I didn’t know what they were going to do to you,” he paused. “To mum, to dad… to me.”
His hand reached for his chest, feeling her heart pulse in his chest. “If I had of known… I would change things. I would rather have died the way I was supposed to, I wouldn’t have let them hurt you.”
Unfortunately, he couldn’t change the past. He had to live with the decisions he made and the life he chose. Not that he had much say in it, he didn’t choose this life. He just got given the cards, and he dealt with it.
He always dealt with it.
“I never thought I’d make it to twenty one,” he shrugged, “it’s supposed to be a big birthday, that’s what Liam told me.” Liam, the boy he had fallen for and yet ignored when Liam may have needed him. What if Liam was calling cause he was hurt? What if you were his last hope and you let him die? What if you failed him?
His hand dived through his pocket and reached for his phone, his finger hovering over the call button. He doesn’t need me, he’s better off without me. He clicked the text message, deciding to listen to the voicemail instead.
“Hey Teddy,” Liam’s voice sent shivers down his spine, the nickname that he had given him started out as a retaliation to ‘Little Wolf’. But after months of building their friendship, it became more to Theo than that, it was more of a term of endearment.
“Little worried about you, I know you wanted your space today but I just…” he could picture Liam’s nervous face as he spoke, the way his breath hitched. “I just miss you okay? It’s not the same when you aren’t home. Just be careful, we still don’t know where Monroe is and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.”
The voice mail ended. “Fuck,” Theo groaned, his nerves running high as he opened his text messages to see several from Liam. All along the same lines as the voicemail, even a bribe. ‘If you come home, you can have a cookie.’
‘I’m safe, still need time alone.’ That was the least he could do, he didn’t need Liam to worry about him.
‘Do you still want the cookie?’
‘Put it aside.’ He put his phone back into his pocket and walked away from the bridge, hoisting himself up into the back of his car. The cupcake and candle beside the blankets, exactly where he had left them.
He opened the box of candles, using his teeth to tear the sticker off. “Where the-” he looked around, patting his jacket down until he found the small lighter. Theo then grabbed the cupcake, tearing open the box and sticking a singular candle inside of it.
He used one hand to shield the wind and the other to light the candle, only when it was lit, did he raise it to his face. “Happy birthday Theodore,” he closed his eyes and sucked in a breath, blowing out the candle in one go. “Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me.”
He sang to himself, bringing his knees to his chest. “I’m sorry I let you down,” he whispered, referring to his younger self. “You weren’t supposed to go through this stuff… to live this life…” his younger self had dreams, goals. He wouldn’t have been able to achieve them regardless, not with his bad heart.
But he had been a kid, he didn’t know that then. “You were supposed to die a long time ago,” his eyes became glassy, “you weren’t meant to hurt people… to kill people.” His finger brushed the icing as he brought it to his lips, sucking the vanilla flavouring off.
“But here we are,” he felt almost crazy, talking to himself in the middle of a preserve. But it was therapeutic, almost… kind of. “We got a pack, they’re pretty cool. I think they don’t totally hate us, so that’s cool.”
He tossed the cupcake, watching it splatter at a tree. “Happy fucking birthday,” he had enough of this pity party, grabbing his blankets and pillow before jumping down. Tossing them into the back of his car before getting into the driver’s seat, he pulled out his phone.
‘Coming home.’
It always felt weird to call Liam’s place his home, but it was. Jenna and David had taken him in as much as Liam did, they trusted him—for whatever reason. They didn’t even know the number of times he had saved Liam’s life, they didn’t know how much he disvalued his own life.
Arriving home he saw the lights were off, guess he wouldn’t be getting that cookie after all. He made sure to be quiet, walking up the steps and pulling out his keys. The last thing he wanted to do was disturb anyone, especially while they were asleep.
Opening the door he was bombarded with light and loud noise, “what the fuck-” he whipped around to see not only Liam, Jenna and David… but Scott and Stiles as well. “What is going on?”
Liam rushed forward and wrapped his arms around the uncomfortable and confused chimera, “You didn’t tell me it was your birthday.” Sad blue eyes met Theo’s green ones, “why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s not important-”
“Your twenty first is important,” Scott corrected. Sure, they hadn’t been on the best of terms, but the past few months things had changed, even Stiles called him his friend. Once, but it still happened.
“Happy birthday teddy,” Liam smiled, his arms wrapped around Theo’s body. Jenna approached him, pulling Liam away and hugging him herself.
“I wish you told us,” Jenna smiled sadly, “you’re family Theo, you mean a lot to all of us.” Theo looked around the room, seeing their faces and sensing their chemo signals. They did care, they actually cared.
“You guys didn’t have to do all this,” he looked around to see balloons and a cake sitting on the table for him, “it’s a lot.”
“Nonsense,” David said, taking a step forward. “Theo, if we had of known we would have done much more… why didn’t you tell us son?”
Theo froze, his body feeling like it had been squeezed. The air just out of reach, the room spinning as he shook his head. “Theo breathe,” Liam’s voice echoed in his mind, “take a deep breath for me.”
He knew Liam was his anchor, he knew that. He tried, he really tried, but it felt like a brick was weighing heavy on his chest. He lost his footing, falling to his knees with his hand gripping Liam’s.
“You’re okay,” Liam said, his voice calm and soft. “Deep breaths Theo, you’re okay.” Theo tried to follow Liam’s lead, in through the nose and out through the mouth. Tara’s heart bounced inside of him, erratic and vicious.
“I don’t deserve this,” Theo whispered, his voice cracking as his eyes watered. “I killed her Liam; she’s gone because of me.” Everyone looked at them confused, who did he kill? Scott felt on guard, but Liam shook his head, assuring his alpha that it wasn’t like that.
After living with the chimera for months, he knew about Theo’s nightmares. He knew what truly haunted the chimera, what his weaknesses were. “You didn’t kill your sister Theo, what happened wasn’t your fault.” With gentle hands he cupped Theo’s face, “you were only a child.”
Theo sucked in another deep breath, feeling his muscles go loose like jelly. “I’m sorry,” he felt an immediate wash of humiliation run over him, “I didn’t—I don’t know what happened.”
Liam helped him to his feet, a hand on his waist as they stood. “He was talking about his sister,” Liam mumbled, knowing his parents had a rough idea of the situation. Only knowing that she drowned, they didn’t know the gorier details and they didn’t need to.
“Let’s go to the table, shall we?” Jenna said, leading them to the dining table and pulling out a chair for Theo. “Don’t forget to make a wish,” she smiled as she lit the candles on his cake, “we didn’t have twenty-one but… we tried to make it work.”
“You didn’t have to do any of this,” Theo replied, not wanting to seem ungrateful but knowing he wasn’t worthy. “But I appreciate it, a lot actually.”
Liam took a seat beside him and held his hand, “blow them out,” he smiled. He was so thankful for Liam, for the support the beta gave him. No matter what happened, Liam had always been on his side. Even when the puppy pack didn’t like him or want him there. Liam did, he always did.
Just not in the same way Theo wanted him…
He didn’t know it for a fact, but he was almost positive that Liam was straight. They were just friends, best friends. Closing his eyes as everyone began to sing happy birthday, he made his wish.
“Happy birthday Teddy,” Liam smiled, applying pressure in his grip on Theo’s hand. The chimera smiled, “next year we will actually do something though. I cant believe I had to find out from them, when your birthday was.”
Theo turned to see Scott and Stiles standing beside him, “we figured that’s why you had been so distant today,” Scott replied, his face almost saddened.
“This is why I snoop through people’s stuff,” Stiles snickered, “you didn’t really think we wouldn’t know? I’m Stiles, I know everything.”
Theo rolled his eyes in a playful manner, “I just felt weird, I don’t like my birthdays… they feel like a permanent reminder of everything that has happened.”
“They don’t have to be,” Liam chirped up, “not anymore.”
“You have us now,” Jenna smiled, “and next year we are definitely doing more than some balloons and a cake. Everyone deserves to feel special and loved on their birthday Theo, including you.”
If only you knew the things I have done. “Thank you Jenna,” he smiled, although he felt his mind racing. “I—I appreciate you all, thank you for this.”
“Anything for you,” Liam smiled.
Maybe this wasn’t so bad, maybe Theo wasn’t so bad. If they believed he was worthy, he should try to believe that was well. “Thank you,” he said meeting Liam’s eyes, “truly.”