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Vice Admiral Sir Tim Laurence stood in stunned silence after hearing the news that his brother-in-law, King Charles III, had just relayed to them – he had cancer. While they had all been concerned when he had had his surgical procedure a few days prior, Tim never expected to hear news on this level. Instantly, pushing the thought to the back of his mind, while King Charles continued to talk, Tim’s mind kept wandering to other private discussions. The weight of these discussions caused him to immediately shift his gaze to the only person in the room he was more concerned about, his wife. Absolutely, he was concerned about the health and well-being of Charles, but while she would never show it, Tim knew his wife better than anyone, and he knew he would have to keep a careful watch on her now more than ever as he knew this would greatly impact her.
In some ways, while glancing at her, he was in awe. He fell in love with her the first moment he ever lay eyes on her, and when she first spoke to him, he went ‘goo-goo’ as he had heard one of his granddaughters refer to how Tim acted over Anne at times. Now, all these years later, he loved her just as much, if not more, than before. Watching her take in the news of her brother’s announcement, a brother that she cared about in ways that most would not understand. In some ways they could have been twins since their births were relatively close together. They grew up being each other’s confidante, and while he knew Anne did not necessarily agree with everything Charles did or had done, she would fiercely protect and defend her brother. Contrary to what most considered, Tim knew that Anne was Charles’s rock and pillar of strength and watching her in this very moment, Tim could see that strength building even more. How she did it, he would never understand. She excelled at holding her emotions from not only the public, but even from her family. Yet he knew that with him, she would open and share her concerns, and for that, he knew he had to be the strong rock, beacon of hope and guidance for her.
King Charles continued to ramble on a bit more about his diagnosis, treatments, what the doctors were advising and so forth, and while Tim was taking it all in, he kept a watch on Anne. As if she knew he was watching, he saw her briefly cut her gaze away from Charles to allow their eyes to meet. In that mere moment, Tim saw a flash cross through her eyes, and he faintly and very quickly smiled at her hoping to convey to her that he was there for her, as he always was and would be. She blinked hard and very briefly nodded her head, which indicated to Tim that she knew exactly what he was relaying. It was a trick they had learned over the years – they could communicate with their eyes, movements, thoughts – no words were necessary in public engagements as they knew how to do things their way.
Maybe it was from all the years of their ‘secretive’ relationship which allowed them to hone those skills, for even Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip were clueless for a period when it came to the relationship budding between their daughter and The Queen’s Equerry. Tim knew he could make her smile in a quick minute, but now was not the time. It was a time of utter seriousness and extreme concern. Other family members were asking questions of this and that nature, but not Anne. She remained stoically quiet taking it all in with a strength and dedication unlike any other. Tim was proud of his wife, and as he watched Charles glance toward his only sister, she smiled at him to convey that things would be okay. Tim could not help but notice a brief tear trickle down The King’s cheek. For in that moment, Charles knew his sister would never leave his side, just as she had never left their parents’ sides.
Later, during the ride from London to Gatcombe, Tim knew not to press her on what had been discussed at the Palace, so they merely engaged in small chatter about their day and events with Tim rambling incessantly about the clocks on display at the Science Museum that the Chinese had brought back to Britain after all this time. He knew she was only half listening, and after what all had been dropped on her today, he did not mind that she was barely paying attention. He knew enough to know that hearing his voice would bring a calm for her, though he was sure, if they were paying attention, the driver and protection detail were tired of him talking about clocks.
Several hours later, at Gatcombe, Anne had gone to the bedroom to change out of her “business” clothes into something a little more comfortable and relaxing, as she felt, even though it was late, she needed to take walk around the farm and go see some of the animals to shake off some nervous energy if she dared hope to get any sleep that evening. This time, she was taking a longer time than Tim, so he quietly slipped out of the room and went back downstairs. He knew she likely wanted some time to think, and while he wanted to accompany her on her visit to the stables or barn, he would wait for the invitation, if it would ever come. When she needed or wanted to talk, he would know, and right now, he knew to let her sort things through on her own first.
She stood in front of the mirror staring at her reflection as she slowly took the pins out of her hair. Atypically, she would have left it up, but now, she felt she needed to ‘let her hair down’ in more ways than one. Staring in the mirror, her mind was in a rush of thoughts. Not even two years ago, she had just lost her mother, and her father prior to that. Charles had just become King not even a year ago. Fergie had recently announced bouts with cancer. Kate had had surgery, as had Charles and both were facing an uncertain future and recovery. Everything was happening too fast for her, even though she preferred things at a faster pace, albeit not these types of circumstances.
She was concerned when he told her that he was having surgery, as she bluntly had replied, “when you get to be our age, there’s many more reasons for concern when going under the knife.” Standing there now, she could not get over how she felt her entire family was crashing and burning in mere moments. She had vowed to her mother, Queen Elizabeth II, that she would do everything in her power to continue her legacy; adhering to the policies, procedures and practices implemented by her mother and her ancestors. She would remain true and dedicated to her job and duties, though she had also vowed to her own children and husband, that she would start slowing down and not pushing herself, and ultimately promising to spend more time at home with them. Yet here everything had just turned upside down, and she would likely end up carrying more of the weight of her family on her shoulder’s than ever before.
“Hello Old Bean,” she heard herself say as a memory hit her so quickly it nearly knocked her off her feet. She had said that to her brother as she entered Buckingham Palace after the coronation. Wave after wave of childhood memories suddenly hit her. No, Charles was not deceased, but the way her brain was flooding her with flashbacks, it was like a display of photos that were shown at memorial services or things as she had seen on television as tributes to others who had passed on.
No, she had not always gotten along with her brother, and she most definitely did not agree with a lot of his decisions. But, regardless of him being The Sovereign, he was her brother – her partner in crime from the old days. She was rocked by the news, and she slowly felt herself unraveling. She wanted to cry out to God and ask “why” yet she knew she would never get an answer to that. Tears flooded her eyes, and she fought to keep them from falling down her porcelain cheeks. She wanted to scream because she was not sure she could lose another person or go through another transition of power. It had been a bit since she had been hounded by a force of emotions as she was being riddled with at the present.
No, the doctor’s had not given him a death sentence, but the mere word cancer almost sounded like a death sentence. She was not an optimist, so she could only foresee the worst, and right now, she was in full-on pessimist mode.
She had to escape this room and this mirror, as she could not take the memories at this moment. She had to press onward and continue to be the face for The Royal Family. She had to adhere to her duties and put on that emotion-less facial mask when she was out in public. She knew once the news broke to the public, she would be hammered with questions. She knew she best get her emotions out now, so she could be prepared and NOT have a breakdown in some area where they would catch a photo of her to put on the cover of some tabloid declaring the “The Princess Royal’s Utter Meltdown”.
The thought of a photo made her smile and tear up again, as she glanced over to the photo of her as a baby with her big brother, Charles, kissing her gently on the cheek. It brought on another wave of emotions that she had never felt before – one where she felt as if the rooms were closing in on her or she was sinking in the middle of an ocean with no one to save her from the ever-increasing tides of the sea. She gasped and attempted to call for Tim – the one person she knew could save her from the perils of danger. But try as she might, nothing came out of her mouth. She was paralyzed in fear. His name finally came out, but only in a bear whisper so soft, she was not even sure she had uttered it.
When she glanced back into the dreaded mirror, standing directly behind her was the one who she had called for. There was no way he had heard her, as he was slowly losing more and more of his hearing, yet here he was. Tim’s instincts had brought him there. He felt that she needed him, and he had come without hesitation. He stepped closer and almost as if asking for permission first, though he knew he was ultimately the only person who could touch her and not get scolded. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against him. He watched in the mirror as she closed her eyes and pressed her back further against him. Her arms and hands slowly came up to grasp tightly onto his, almost as if holding him firmly in place. He gently placed a kiss on the top of her head before resting his chin in the same place and watched in the mirror as a small, faint smile crept over her face. He had been downstairs and while he knew she was taking much longer than normal to get ready; he just had a sensation that something had happened. He had not heard her call his name, but he had seen her mouth form his name, and knew in that very instant, he was needed and wanted in this very private and intimate moment of grief, pain, and confusion.
Slowly, he turned her to face him, and he wrapped his arms tighter around her. She rested her head directly on his chest over his heart and wrapped her own hands around his back and waist, as if she were grasping onto him as her own life preserver in the sea from which she was drowning. He gently stroked her hair and back to calm her and assure her.
“Somehow, Annie, we’re going to get through this,” he whispered before pausing to see if she reacted to which she pulled her head back slightly to crane her neck to look him in the eyes. “And, my darling, I will never leave your side, I promise.”
She smiled up at him before allowing her left hand to caress his face, “I know you won’t, my love. I can be a pain in the arse at times, yet you’ve stuck with me all these years. I cannot wrap my mind around everything. In some ways, it frightens me…” she stopped as she was getting choked up with emotions again.
“Look at me,” he said as she had cast her glance downward but instantly looked back at him. For a few moments, he did not verbally say one word to her. He only communicated through his eyes. She knew what he was telling her – word for silent word, and she merely nodded.
“Kiss me?” she softly questioned, and he beamed in response at the innocence in her tone before obediently granting The Princess Royal what she wanted. “That will always make me feel better,” she jokingly added.
“Then does that mean I get to do that in public more often?” he replied and raised his eyebrows repeatedly.
“Don’t get your hopes up, Admiral,” she replied.
“Well, who shall I get to kiss me then?” he replied and stuck out his lips in mock pouting mode, which made her laugh. He knew he had done the trick. She needed to laugh, and he had done that.
“You will NOT be kissing anyone else,” she replied and arched an eyebrow but caved at the boyish looking that crept over his face. “Fine, you can kiss me whenever you want, but we just have to be discreet, okay?”
“When are we NOT good at being discreet? I think we have always been VERY good at that,” he added while placing a quick kiss on the tip of her nose while she chuckled.
“You just hold me like this and make me feel safe, Tim.”
“Always, Anne, always. It’s not going to be an easy next few days, weeks, months, or however long it takes, but rest assured, you’re stuck with me, and I will always be here for you.”
She pulled back a tad from him so she could get a better look at his face. “You are my rock. If you weren’t here for me, I just…” and she stopped.
"I know…” he replied and smile. “I love you, darling.”
“I love you, too,” she added and pulled him down for another kiss. “Thank you for always knowing what to do, and exactly when to do it. Maybe we should have just stayed in Sri Lanka…”
“Uhh I don’t think so…”
"Why not?” she questioned with a little more animation. “The weather was warmer. We were far away from the reality of the world…”
“You can’t escape things forever; you know that. We must face things. And not to mention, I didn’t particularly like not wearing shoes all that much with people taking pictures of me…” she could not help but laugh.
“Oh! But you DID love smashing that coconut…” she added with s devious smirk.
“Now THAT, I did.”
“Tim,” she said and changed the tone attempting to be little more serious. “What exactly WERE you thinking of when you smashed that coconut since it was supposed to get rid of back luck and welcome better fortunes.”
“It may be my turn to remain discreet, Princess,” he replied and blushed.
“Ahhh…. I have all ideas what, or maybe I should say who you were thinking about, right?”
He never answered as he merely placed a passionate kiss on her lips that made her forget what she had even asked him.
"Why don’t we go take the dogs on a walk? It’s a little chilly outside, but I’m good at keeping you warm.”
“That you are!” she nodded and merely turned as he helped her put her coat on.
“You want your beanie for your head?” he questioned and was surprised when she said no.
Together, they rounded up the dogs and headed downstairs and out the front door to walk the grounds and let the dogs run wild in the chilly countryside. As they strolled, though there was plenty of wide-open space, they practically walked as if they were glued to each other’s side, as they nearly always did. She reached over and took hold of his much larger hand and glanced up at him. For another hour, they walked and talked – they rehashed everything that Charles had told them, discussed their own thoughts about the situation, her concerns, and fears. Everything that she had held inside, she unleashed to the one person she knew she could trust with any and everything – the one person who would never leave her and would always be her strength and stay – her love, her Admiral, but most importantly, her husband.