Work Text:
Moving 3,399 miles across the ocean with just his dog and whatever clothing he could fit in his Burberry travel bag—an early graduation gift and the last he would ever receive from his father—was not one of Henry’s most sane ideas. In a court of law, he would plead insanity, having no other reason for spending what little life savings he had accrued from his ice cream shop job for his one way ticket from Heathrow to JFK.
The prosecutor could easily poke a hole in this alibi by asking if he was also insane when he filled out NYU’s transfer form and accepted a full-ride scholarship from the English department. He would argue that yes, submitting the poems he had written in the wake of his father’s death, poems he swore he would take to his grave, to earn a spot in the Fall semester of his sophomore year was pretty insane. He thinks he could get his therapist to vouch for him, plenty of process notes from his weekly meetings to be submitted as evidence.
Look, Henry had truly tried to stick it out. His father’s unexpected illness had created an invisible crack in his family’s foundation, made noticeable only by his death. It had hit them with the force of a magnitude 9.0 earthquake, leaving rubble and destruction in its way. No survivors.
His older brother Philip had become an entirely different person, more of a dictator than the caring brother Henry had grown up with. He was more harsh with his words, less forgiving and more impatient when his younger siblings made mistakes. His sister Bea had turned to alcohol and bad influences, out every night at sketchy pubs and clubs with even sketchier characters, only returning home when she could no longer remember her days nor her grief.
Henry had no idea how bad it was, having returned to Eton to finish his last year, until he received a text from Philip that read: Bea will be unreachable for the duration of her rehabilitation treatment. No outside contact allowed. We may visit after one month.
He remembers crying in the library bathroom, not caring what a pathetic display he must have made. His sister had been his closest ally and his only support system, and he didn’t even get to say goodbye.
Losing his mother to her despair had been difficult to overcome when she showed no signs of returning to her life even months after the funeral. Philip had entirely dismissed her, disabled by weak mental health, and had not bothered to inform her of Bea’s rehab admission. Catherine had not been present at Henry’s Eton commencement even a year later, and Henry gave up on expecting to have a mother ever again. However, he had not wanted to abandon her in that large, empty house and decided to commute to Oxford every day of his Freshman year.
That was until the Wicked Witch of the West had shown up at their doorstep and claimed that only a mother could truly understand the grief of their child. That comment cut much too deep for Henry, who would never know such compassion and comfort, even knowing that it was completely performative from Mary.
Rumors at the club said Mary Mountchristen had accrued a debt the size of Mount Olympus and had to sell much of her property to maintain her status in high English society. She was never fond of Arthur, always finding ways to demean his line of work and question his ability to provide for his family. Henry knew the truth, that she felt Arthur had cheated her out great wealth when Catherine refused to entertain whichever bloke Mary had lined up for an arranged marriage and had eloped with Arthur instead.
Mary had not been present in their life from the time Henry turned 5, after a particularly nasty comment about Henry playing with dolls with Bea had led to Catherine all but banning her from their home.
With Catherine mentally absent, Mary had weaseled her way back into their home and taken up permanent residence.
It truly would not have been the worst outcome, as she did genuinely care for her daughter and assisted Philip in caring for their home, if it wasn’t for her blatant homophobia.
It began as microaggressions, asking when Henry would get a girlfriend, commenting that he was handsome and respectable so it would not be long before he met a girl of equal caliber. Then came the blind dates.
“Oh, Henry dear, you will be having lunch with Anne’s daughter tomorrow. She’s a lovely girl, do well.”
A new girl every week, Henry felt as if he had dated the entire country club by the end of the summer. He could endure it until he met Thomas during his second semester at Oxford. Thomas was sweet and attentive, bringing Henry a tea every morning even on days their paths weren’t meant to cross and sneaking notes into his bag, until the day he asked Henry out.
Henry had always known he was gay but his father’s illness had prevented him from properly exploring that outside of stolen kisses behind buildings with other curious teenagers at Eton. The loss of his virginity at 17 to one of Philip’s university mates shortly after Arthur’s death came at a moment of vulnerability, Henry desperate for comfort and to feel loved by anyone willing to offer it. It was a regrettable experience that left the chasm in his chest wide open and the memory sometimes felt like a nightmare.
Thomas was the first man Henry would date in earnest. They had a perfect first date, ending with a goodbye kiss at the door and a promise of a next time. A giddy Henry had been met with a slap to the face as soon as he entered his home, his brain shutting down from the shock but not before the words, “Don’t you ever embarrass me like that ever again, Henry. This deviancy will not be tolerated.” registered.
That night he had properly broken down, the first time he was consumed by despair unrelated to his father. He couldn’t understand what he had done wrong. Never had Henry’s parents nor siblings made him feel wrong for simply being himself. He never had the chance to come out properly to his family, yet they never asked about girls and would make sly comments about such and such male classmates being cute, in a soft mocking way only family who cares can be.
He foolishly thought he would be accepted no matter what and a big, dramatic reveal with a cake and confetti was entirely unnecessary.
Mary proved him wrong.
Mary made him wonder if there actually was something dirty about his interest in men.
The dates with women continued with the added bonus of lectures about family legacy, his duty to continue the Mountchristen bloodline, and how despicable those queer people were for publicly displaying their attraction.
Murder was more tolerable to her than queerness.
Mary had tried to ban any of Henry’s male acquaintance from entering their home and made it inhospitable when it didn’t work. The homophobic commentary aimed at him was then aimed at his guests, which quickly dwindled down to just his childhood friend Pez.
Pez had always had thick skin and found it fun to go toe-to-toe with Mary, uncaring that she thought him rude and ill mannered.
“You’re stuck with me for life, mate. Better get used to me defending your honor even against your bigoted grandmother.” He had told Henry after a particularly nasty exchange of words had left him breathless and tearful.
Henry was not strong enough to endure it, though. After everything he had lost, he refused to lose himself, too.
Applying to NYU had been impulsive but also his only escape, a life raft.
He kept quiet when his acceptance letter hit his inbox that summer and waited until the night of his flight to pack only what he needed. He would be eternally indebted to Pez who had driven him to the airport for his 2 AM flight, no questions asked and with a motivational speech to stave off Henry’s inevitable panic attack.
He only left behind a short letter for his mother, slipped under the crack of her bedroom door, explaining why he had to leave though he doubted she would care. He did not wish to be her second child disappearing without a goodbye. He mailed a letter to Bea in rehab too, so she would know not to contact his British cell and to promise he would communicate with her once he settled into his new life.
It was lucky that NYU opened its door for student move-in a week before the semester begun, unsure he would have lasted another day in the house that felt more like a prison than any home ever should.
That August afternoon, in which he had attentively approached his wide-opened dorm room and heard lively conversation coming from within, would be forever etched into the groves of his heart. He stood frozen just steps away from the door, attempting to sneakily glance in, but David had different plans as he bolted into the room to greet his new friends.
Henry heard squealing and cooing that was distinctly feminine, followed by a deep voice asking, “Who is this?” serving as his cue to enter the room. He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders before dragging his bag into the room with whatever confidence he could pull from the deepest recess of his chest.
He stopped just at the door entrance, taking in the scene. Two girls basically draped all over each other at the edge of the bed. The world’s most beautiful boy with a mess of curls and a smile bright enough to rival the sun crouched on the ground, scratching at David’s ears.
Henry cleared his throat to get their attention but almost immediately regretted it when brown eyes locked onto his, words catching in his chest. Oh, fuck. If this was his roommate, he was doomed.
“That’s David, my emotional support dog. I’m… Henry.”
The man’s smile grew wider as he stood and pulled Henry into an unexpected hug.
“Henry! Man! Great to meet you, I’m your roommate Alex. The two gremlins sitting on the bed are my sister June and her girlfriend Nora.”
Alex pulled away from the hug before Henry could even respond, stood stock still like a statue.
“I hope you don’t mind I chose the window bed, it reminds me of home. I can totally move, if you’d like.”
Henry felt like a dial-up computer, beeping and all, unable to speak. It took David barking and Alex’s smile faltering to kick him into gear.
“No, that is perfectly okay. I don’t have a preference. I hope you don’t mind my dog. He’s a bit clingy.”
As he spoke, David circled around Alex’s legs then sprawled on the ground with his belly exposed. Alex immediately dropped back down to the ground to continue petting David.
“Our dog now, roomie.” Alex replied earnestly, eyes sparkling in a way that spelled out trouble for Henry. He could only stare in bewildered wonderment at this boy.
“Well, Henry, we were just finishing helping Alex get settled in so we can go eat. Why don’t you join us?” suggested the girl he assumed to be June, her smile and crinkly eyes the exact replica of Alex’s.
Henry dumbly nodded, bag still tightly clutched in his hand. He hadn’t expected such a warm reception on his first day in a brand new country. It made him nervous, his walls coming up quickly to protect himself from some inevitable hurt. He wouldn’t dare think that Alex and his friends were his to keep. They were being kind out of necessity, otherwise this living arrangement would be incredibly awkward.
Yes. That was it. A friendship out of convenience.
Henry was the top student in Catastrophizing 311, the advanced senior-only course.
Alex’s eyes locked on the tight grip Henry had on his bag and took in his fidgety body language. He felt a frown tug at the corner of his lips but fought against it with his most charming presidential winning smile. He stood and carefully approached Henry like he would a stray cat, not wanting to spook him but wanting to offer some comfort. Alex had struggled with his ADHD long enough to be familiar with the dread and anxiety that came with feeling out of place.
He placed a gentle hand on Henry’s elbow and reached for the bag with his other hand.
“Hey, let’s get you settled in, too. If you want, we can ditch the stinky girls and just hang out here tonight. David probably needs to get used to his new environment.”
Henry stared back at him with wide, wet eyes. Alex couldn’t tell if it was fear or gratitude that was reflected back at him but the slight twitch of Henry’s lip, the first sign of a smile, and the imperceptible way his shoulders dropped as if tension leaked out of his body gave Alex the confidence that this was the right move.
So he continued, “I’m actually a Freshman so I don’t know this campus well enough yet. June is a Senior, so we can rely on her to be our tour guide whenever.”
“Hey! My offer is for today only, Lil Bit. I’ve got other stuff to do,” June replied indignantly.
Alex leaned close to whisper so only Henry could hear, “Follow my lead,” then turned to June with his head tipped low, looking at her through his eyelashes and batting them as he pouted.
“Pleaseeee.”
Henry felt himself blush at the sight, fearing the day that look would be directed at him and knowing he would be too weak to say no to whatever request came with it. He slightly shook his head and turned to June with his best attempt at mirroring Alex’s expression.
June groaned and turned her head away, a hand covering her face as if the sight before her was gruesome.
“Fuck! Fine! Put the lashes away, Claremont-Diaz! And you too, Henry-whatever-your-last-name-is! I’ll keep my schedule open this week only.”
Nora cackled in the background, collapsing further into June’s space and basically draping her entire body over her. She leaned up to press a loud, wet smooch to June’s cheek and cooed, “You’re such a good sister.” Then to Alex, she said, “I can’t believe that shit still works at 18. Teach me your ways, oh mighty one.”
Henry couldn’t look away from the two girls, his ears ringing and his heart jack hammering in his chest. Ever since Mary physically hurt him for kissing a boy, Henry had steered clear of anything that might so much as imply same-sex love. It felt too dangerous to engage with it, fear of more physical abuse and the ache of knowing he wasn’t allowed to have it for himself.
But here… Here, he was away from Mary. She had no idea where he had gone, and would never be able to find him without the help of MI6. Henry was safe. He could be himself again, he could show affection for boys and really explore his sexuality. He could feel tears prick his eyes and had to quickly look away when he made eye contact with June, avoiding the question in her eyes.
Alex was less tactful though. All he saw was Henry ducking his head away like the sight of June and Nora was offensive and his hold on Henry’s elbow tightened.
“Hey,” he begun in a warning tone and tugged at Henry so they faced each other again. “This won’t be a problem, right?”
Henry blinked in confusion at him, brows furrowed as he tried to understand what Alex was talking about.
“I want to like you,” he continued, “since we’ll be living together for 16 weeks. But if you’re…you know…Homophobic, then we will have problems.”
“What? No! I’m gay! I’m not—“ Henry quickly defended himself, reflexively reaching out to grab the front of Alex’s shirt. He was so shocked by the accusation that he didn’t realize he had come out to complete strangers for the first time in his life. His hand quickly dropped from Alex’s chest and took a step back, anxiety crawling up his throat. He let his bag go and fled the dorm with a squeaked, “I’m sorry!”
He heard the shouts of his name coming from all three people in the room but he didn’t want to stick around long enough to see their expressions. Would they be disappointed? Disgusted? Realistically, neither was possible given June and Nora’s relationship; however, Alex had to share a dorm with Henry. Would he feel uncomfortable? Would he be guarded or sneer at him like the Eton boys in the gym locker rooms? He had not been publicly out then but sometimes he looked on a bit too long at their bodies and his complexion made it impossible to hide his embarrassment.
Would he have to request a new roommate already?
Fuck, this was all a big mistake.
He slowed down when his lungs yelled at him to take a breath. He somehow made it out of the building and ended up somewhere on the quad but nothing looked remotely familiar to him. He didn’t know where to go or even who to go to. His phone was in his pocket but it was completely useless, as he had ditched the sim card in Heathrow. He desperately ached to reach out to Pez, the only person he hadn’t lost yet.
He felt his bottom lip wobble and was unable to keep his tears back any longer. He tried to connect to the campus WiFi but had no idea what his student information was, slipping a bit further into despair. He walked until he found a bench just under a tree, plopping down on it like the full weight of the universe was on his shoulders and allowed himself a good cry.
Maybe Mary was right and Henry was just a pathetic, useless boy who needed to be taken care of. She was awful and abusive but at least she’d kept him fed and housed, the bare minimum living requirements. Would it have been so awful to pretend to love a girl and have 2.5 kids down the line? He was only 19, surely expectations of marriage and offspring would be held off until his mid twenties.
If he allowed himself to think about it too long, he would unearth a truth he could not deal with without professional intervention: living under Mary was going to kill him.
He didn’t want to survive, he longed to live.
Before he could continue that train of thought, he heard a familiar bark and the shout of his name. He tentatively looked up and spotted a windswept and out of breath Alex being dragged by David, somehow on his leash. Alex’s face lit up at the initial sight of Henry then quickly fell to concern the closer he got, taking in the tear tracks on his cheeks, the redness of his eyes and nose, and the puffiness of his eyes.
Alex slowed down in his approach, worried Henry would flee again. Henry was too exhausted to keep running. He figured if Alex was seeking him out instead of giving him a restraining order, Henry could fix this enough to where they could live together with as little engagement as possible.
Henry made room for Alex on the bench.
“Henry, holy fuck, are you an Olympian track-star? You’re fast as fuck.“ Alex breathed out as he heavily dropped down onto the bench. It took him a few minutes to regain his breath before turning to acknowledge Henry fully.
“I brought you David… Okay, really, David brought me to you but I figured you needed your emotional support dog for...you know…Emotional support, so here he is.”
David was unceremoniously dropped onto Henry’s lap. The dog immediately sniffed at Henry’s face and neck, whimpering as he sensed distress. Henry felt more tears well in his eyes and clutched David tightly to his chest, petting him softly to self-soothe. He whispered a thank you but was unable to say more, too nervous to even meet Alex’s eyes.
“Second of all, I am so sorry. I’m an asshole. I shouldn’t have assumed that about you and I shouldn’t have… Forced you to come out. I wasn’t owed that. I’m really sorry.”
The sincerity in his voice was hard to ignore so Henry braved meeting Alex’s eyes and the first thing he saw was regret. His face was twisted in a grimace, his bottom lip red and swollen from chewing on it. Henry distantly wondered what it would look like if he was the one biting it instead.
Alex nervously picked at his cuticles as he awaited Henry’s response.
Henry took a deep breath and admitted, in a quiet voice, “That was my first time saying it out loud. It’s true. I’m.. I’m gay, I’m alone in this country, and I’m absolutely terrified.”
As a new onslaught of tears came out, Alex had not hesitated to wrap his arms around Henry. It was a bit awkward with David still in his arms but Henry allowed himself to lean against Alex’s chest and freely sob.
Henry spilled his entire life story to Alex, beginning with his father’s illness and ending with applying to NYU to get away from his grandmother.
It felt cathartic and the knot in his chest loosened the more he confided in this complete stranger. Something about Alex’s warmth and easy touches made Henry feel like he could really trust him. He hadn’t felt this way about anyone since rebellious, stubborn Pez had taken him by the arm his first year at Eton and claimed them friends for life.
He told Alex about that, too.
“Well, I’m stubborn, too. I’m your American best friend for life now, Henry. I accept you as you are, okay? You can be yourself here. I’ll protect you.”
After that, Alex, June, and Nora had practically adopted Henry and took it upon themselves to help him settle into America. They helped him get a new sim card for his phone with an American number so only Bea and Pez could reach him. They purchased his essentials for him: toothbrush, shower essentials, even bedding for his dorm bed. One day he’d arrived back at the dorm to find a brand new electric kettle and a box of Earl Grey, courtesy of Alex.
“I want this dorm to feel like your home, too.”
It had been the best 16 weeks of his life, the first time he truly could breathe since the loss of his father.
He still had terrible days, where the grief and depression gripped him by the throat and forced him into bed for several days, unable to get up to even brush his teeth or shower. On those days, Alex brought him take out from their favorite Thai place and forced him to eat just a few bites. He sat in bed with Henry, gently stroked his hair, and listened intently as Henry shared his fondest stories of his father and his childhood.
His therapist told him that grief doesn’t grow smaller, rather humans grow bigger around it. Alex assured him there was no shame in his grief and shared that his parents’ divorce was a permanent bruise in his chest, a tender spot unable to heal because they would always argue whenever they were in the same room, not allowing him to ever heal.
Henry felt better as the semester progressed, doing well in his classes and keeping in touch with Pez despite the time zone difference.
One day he received a call from an unknown number.
It was Bea, out of rehab and a year sober. She had apologized to Henry for leaving him on his own and after tearful confessions and apologies, it felt as if no time had passed by them. Henry quietly admitted to the unfortunate crush he was developing on his roommate but it felt good to have let it out, even better when Bea squealed and asked for all the details. Their call ended with Bea promising she would make her way to America, too, fearing for her sobriety if left alone with Mary.
The end of the semester also brought dread swarming in his stomach like an agitated swarm of wasps. Students were expected to move out and Henry had nowhere to go. It also reminded him that his time with Alex was coming to an end. The Spring semester would bring new roommates and even though he knew his friendship with the Claremont-Diaz siblings and Nora was not so fickle, he still mourned not waking up to the sight of a disheveled, soft-looking Alex.
He reminded himself that Alex was not his to keep. He could not fall in love with him. A crush was safe but needed to stay as just that.
Then beautiful, kind Alex had stormed into their dorm on the last day of finals and said, “By the way, they approved my roommate request for next semester so we’ll be moving into an off-campus student apartment for two. I used David as an excuse for no more roommates, hope that’s okay.”
Henry had stared with his mouth open, unaware that Alex had done such a thing. He closed his mouth and nodded mutely, trying to hide his elation and reminded himself that one more semester together did not mean anything more than an assurance of their very real, very strong friendship.
“Oh, and my mom wants to know if you have any dietary restrictions. She wants to make sure some part of Christmas and New Year’s dinners are enjoyable for you.”
The sound Henry had made in response was so close to a whimper it had caused his cheeks to flare and his ears to turn red. He ignored the self-satisfied smirk on Alex’s face.
“W-what do you mean? Christmas? New Years?? Alex, I…”
“What? Did you think I was going to leave you stranded in New York over the winter break? You must not know me at all, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart
Sweetheart.
Sweetheart?
Oh, god.
Henry must have stayed quiet for too long, cartoon hearts spinning around his head, because Alex begun cursing and apologizing.
“Fuck. Shit, fuck! Henry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed that you had nowhere else to go. I didn’t even ask! Were you going back home? Oh, fuck, there’s no expectation for you to come with me. I can tell my mom change of plans, seriously, and it’s no prob—“
Henry had cut him off by crushing him in a tight hug, the first time he had ever initiated physical contact with Alex. He squeezed him until he felt arms wrapped around his waist and Alex melting into his arms.
“Thank you, Alex. I would love nothing more than to join your family. Truly, thank you. They’re okay with David, too?”
“Of course! Our son isn’t staying behind, dumbass.”
And that had been that.
—
Henry spent Winter break in Austin with Alex’s family. When Christmas dinner devolved into a jousting match between Ellen and Oscar over politics, he thinks, Henry found himself cuddled up with Alex in his childhood bed, fingers untangling curls and offering silent support. It wasn’t ideal but Henry felt warmth in his chest at their switched roles. He always felt like a burden to Alex, even if he would vehemently deny it. It felt good to be comforting Alex for once. They had eventually fallen asleep with Alex curled up against Henry’s chest.
They woke up with the sun in their face and June’s voice behind the door letting them know breakfast was ready. Henry felt groggy, his body wanted to cling to sleep a bit longer as he hadn’t slept that deeply since he was a teenager. As he slowly came to, the first thing he felt was an arm draped over his waist, which caused alarm bells to go off in his head. He had not meant to fall asleep in Alex’s bed. He had intended to wait for Alex to fall asleep first before heading to the guest bedroom. He was unsure of when he fell asleep but he felt panic rising in his chest, fearful for when Alex would awaken and shove him off the bed.
In the short time they had been friends, skinship wasn’t rare but they hadn’t cuddled before. Not like this, at least.
Alex would know. He would take one look at Henry’s face and know how in love he was. Sweet Alex would gently reject him, saying Henry meant a lot to him but not like that. Would Henry need to find a new dorm in Spring? Or could Henry convince Alex to let him stay, promising to move on and never do anything to risk their friendship?
He felt immediately sick when Alex’s lips barely brushed against his collarbone and he blinked his eyes awake. They stared at each other quietly for seconds, minutes, hours, Henry holding his breath until Alex smiled at him and snuggled back up to his chest.
“Good morning,” Alex said with a raspy voice that had no business being that sexy. Henry committed it to memory against his will, resolved to revisiting this memory in future..endeavors, if you will.
Henry tried to discreetly clear his throat and not be so stiff, lest he draw attention to the boner he was valiantly fighting against. He shifted to get more comfortable, inadvertently pulling Alex closer. His soul left his body when Alex tangled their legs together, one of his thighs slotting perfectly between Henry’s own.
“G-good morning.. Did, um, you sleep alright?”
“Best sleep of my life. Might be requesting your services more often, sweetheart.”
Henry was truly not strong enough for this, especially when Alex leaned forward to lightly brush their noses together. It was far too intimate, there was no way Alex couldn’t feel Henry’s heartbeat. He was certain the people next door could hear it.
“Thank you, Henry. I’m… sorry about my parents. I warned you this would happen, but I was hoping having a guest would deter them from going at each other.”
What was one more intimate gesture? Henry thought as he slipped a hand into Alex’s messy curls and massaged his scalp as he had done the previous night. Alex practically purred in his arms, eyes closed in unadulterated bliss. Henry couldn’t help smiling to himself at the sight, the urge to kiss Alex softly and remind him how wonderful he is he was kicking around his ribcage. At least he could do the latter part of that fantasy.
“You’re okay, Alex. You’re wonderful and truly good. You are not a reflection of your parents, I hope you know that. You’re better.”
“Henry…” he let out in breathy exhale. He opened his eyes to meet Henry’s again, smiling so sweetly. Something sparkled in his eyes that Henry could not identify—or maybe he didn’t want to identify, fearing the hope and subsequent disappointment that would come from it.
He released the breath he had been holding in since he woke up and decided his feelings for Alex needed to be locked away so he could focus on being his comfort person, his strongest supporter like Pez was to him.
“Let’s go get breakfast. Then you can show me around your favorite places in Austin, how about it?”
That was enough to get Alex to spring out of bed like a kid waiting for Saint Nick to deliver presents. He took hold of Henry’s hand and tugged him out, damn near causing him to tumble out of bed in a tangle of limbs and blankets.
“Alright, alright, puppy. Not even David gets this excited for his walks,” he joked.
Alex squeaked indignantly, ears turned red.
“I happen to know that’s not true, H. Speaking of David.. Where is that guy?”
Now that he mentioned it, Henry was surprised he wasn’t awakened by his eager dog begging for either food or his morning walk. He was definitely not in the room, so he must’ve escaped the room sometime at night.
As they made their way down the stairs, June glanced up at them from her place in the kitchen and pointedly stared at their clasped hands. Henry’s hold loosened to give Alex the opportunity to let go, but of course he only held on tighter and exchanged a look with June that Henry was not privy to. He was familiar with silent sibling conversations and decided it was simply not his business.
“Hey Bug, where’s David?”
“Oh, he’s out in the yard with Leo. Breakfast is already set, I was just preparing coffee.”
Without saying anything, Alex released Henry’s hand as they made it into the kitchen and got to prepping Henry’s tea. His heart squeezed painfully in his chest. He couldn’t get used to how caring Alex was towards him, since day one. Henry made the mistake of catching June’s eyes, who simply lifted an eyebrow at him. There was no judgement but he felt she could see right through him. He flushed and quickly looked away, opening cabinets to find the cinnamon shaker instead to wordlessly hand it to Alex for his coffee.
Later that day while Alex was out on a run with David, he was cornered by June in the library-slash-Ellen’s office.
“So, are you dating my brother?”
Henry startled so hard that the book he was reaching for and those nearby came tumbling down, just barely missing his head.
“W-what? No!”
June crossed her arms over her chest, giving Henry an contemplative once-over as if she was trying to figure him out.
“You just have a habit of cuddling, then?”
Henry was positively going to be sick. Breakfast and lunch were working their way up his esophagus, he had to swallow down with a lot of effort. He hung his head in shame, like a child being reprimanded. He felt like it, too. How embarrassing to be caught with his heart on his sleeve by the sister of the man holding all his affection.
“We don’t.. He was so upset last night, I was only trying to comfort him. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. It was an accident, it won’t happen again. I’m sorry.”
“Henry, woah, why are you apologizing?”
“Because I.. I know it’s wrong, June. I shouldn’t have held him when I feel the way I do. It’s gross and invasive and I took advantage of his vulnerability, without intending to.”
He dared to glance up only when she let out an exasperated breath and shuffled closer to him. She held her phone out to him, displaying a picture of Alex and him tangled up in each other, David just at the foot of the bed. Stupidly, embarrassingly, Henry felt tears prick his eyes. They looked good together, like they belonged. Like it was natural. Just how it was meant to be. If he made it his phone background screen later, that was his business.
“From where I’m standing, Alex was enjoying himself well enough so no advantage was being taken.”
Henry just swallowed again and nodded, not trusting himself to speak without crying. June retrieved her phone and after a few seconds of fiddling with it, Henry received a text message. It was the photo.
“Look, there is nothing wrong with you having feelings for my brother. I think he’s lucky to have someone who knows him and adores him all the same. He deserves that.”
“Yes, but I can’t imagine he wants that from me. I-I can do all of that platonically. And one day, he will find the perfect girl who is deserving of him and he’ll be so happy. And I’ll still be there because our friendship matters so much.” he practically whispered, nervously picking at his fingers—a bad habit he had picked up from Alex.
Suddenly he was being crushed against June’s chest in an embrace so warm he was convinced it was a special sister trait. Only Bea had ever given him hugs like this before.
“Henry, you are so so wonderful. Don’t count yourself out, and don’t count Alex out, either. He’s a little dumb but he’ll come around.”
Henry sunk into the embrace and tentatively wrapped his own arms around June’s significantly smaller frame.
“No, but I—“
“Are you saying you’re giving up on him?”
“Never,” he replied earnestly. The day he gave up would be the same day he ceased to exist on this plane of reality. Henry knew that across a multitude of lifetimes and universes, he was meant to love Alex Claremont-Diaz.
“No, but I am not pushing myself onto him, either. Hope hurts, June. This is enough.”
Their conversation came to a halt when Alex burst in through the door with an excited, “Henry!” and a muddy beagle in his arms.
June let Henry go with one last squeeze and a, “Later, losers.”
Alex eyed Henry warily and, like the tactless idiot he was, blurted out, "You're still gay, right?"
It was so surprising it ripped a laugh out of Henry.
“What? Are you ill?”
“No, I just mean June—“
“Yes, Alex. I am just as gay as maypole today as I was yesterday and possibly since my birth. Perhaps even since I was but a bean in my mother’s womb. I’d even go as far as saying since I was but a sperm cell in my father’s—“
“OKAY, okay, stop it! Don’t be a dick.” Alex whined, pushing Henry’s face away with one of David’s dirty paws.
Henry busted into more laughter, eventually devolving into giggles and a hiccup.
“Also, last I checked Nora had that down under lock and key. All that is missing is the inevitable ring.”
“Mmm, think they’ll U-Haul-lesbian it?”
“Nora, yes. June strikes me more as an intimate wedding ceremony kind of gal.”
“A Spring ceremony, definitely.”
“At the lake house, I reckon.”
Alex gasped indignantly. “She better not, that’s MY dream wedding location! She can kick rocks.”
Henry felt his face twitch as he fought to keep the easy smile on his face. Of course he wasn’t hurt by Alex having his dream wedding planned out, that would be incredibly irrational.
“So, what happened here?” he asked, in reference to his dirty dog.
“OH! Well, you won’t believe it. He kept digging holes trying to chase a rabbit down!”
—
The rest of the Winter break went on without much fanfare. Henry attempted to keep his distance without being too obvious. It was excusing himself from sharing a bed with Alex again by saying Bea or Pez were expecting his call; avoiding hugs and hand holding if he could help it; even allowing Nora to drag him into her shenanigans when she joined them for New Years.
He caught all the odd looks Alex sent his way but he was so good at controlling his facial expressions that Henry convinced himself he was making them up, gone before he could properly interpret them. He found Alex invading his personal space even more than usual, always connected by some body part no matter where they were. If they were standing, their shoulders would be touching. If they were sitting, thighs would be pressed against each other. Sometimes it was a hand to his elbow and more frequently it was a hand on his hip.
The latter always sent a shiver down his spine, wondering how Alex’s touch would feel on his bare skin or on his—
He would cough and pretend to be ticklish, to explain the twitchiness he knew Alex could feel. It always earned him a chuckle and an amused look.
Something about that Christmas night had opened the floodgates, Alex emboldened to be more touchy and open in his affections.
It spilled over into their living arrangements that Spring semester, in their off-campus apartment big enough to have two bedrooms, a shared living room and kitchen, with the added bonus of a private bathroom. Henry was grateful and horrified by it, as it meant Alex walking around their shared spaces with his hair and naked torso still wet from his shower, a towel precariously wrapped low around his hips. Other times it was sweatpants that did not leave much to the imagination.
The real test came when Alex would sit next to Henry on the couch in this state and would claim being cold to press up against Henry to steal his body warmth.
When they were both up to date on assignments, their movie nights would lead to Alex draping the blanket Henry had gifted him that previous Christmas over both of their bodies and his head tucked on Henry’s shoulder. Sometimes Alex would even toss his arm over Henry’s torso, keeping a hand over his stomach.
It was maddening but poor, lovesick, Henry did nothing to stop it. He tried to reason that providing physical touch was his way of caring for Alex. After spending time with his family, seeing first hand the pressure placed on his shoulders dating back to his childhood, Henry felt that he and Alex were more similar than expected.
Alex was much younger when he lost his parents to their political careers and their divorce. He had confided in Henry that June was his true parent, having taken over all the naturing and nurturing responsibilities when the arguing began. Despite his popularity and friendly personality that attracted people to him like moths to a flame, Henry had witnessed Alex shy away from genuine emotional connections. He was always reserved with his affections, physical and verbal, attempting to make himself physically smaller in crowded rooms as if afraid to take up too much space. His personality was too big, he would always be difficult to ignore. The Alex at frat parties and lacrosse mixers was different than the Alex at home, who was softer and more vulnerable, unafraid to use up all the oxygen in the room.
All the physical touching being turned up to the max after Christmas in Austin made sense when Henry looked at it through that lens, further enforcing his theory that he had become Alex’s comfort person. Every touch was followed by a disclaimer of but platonically in his mind, to keep things straight, almost literally, for himself.
Henry once thought that Alex’s lockscreen was a picture of him that he didn’t recognize, he had caught a quick glance of it over Alex’s shoulder just before he’d unlocked it to show him a TikTok of a dog. Alex always kept his phone on his person at all time, as if it contained FBI secrets, so Henry never got the chance to confirm what he’d seen. He can’t be sure it wasn’t actually a picture of just any blonde celebrity. It gave him pause, before he shook it off as a daft delusion.
—
As the Spring semester came to an end without much chaos but plenty of dinner dates, study dates, and movie nights, Henry did not have to wonder what summer would look like for him, or them.
Alex had learnt from his previous transgression and took Henry’s opinion into account for their living arrangements. He had become quite popular himself, making all sorts of friends and acquaintances from his courses and other campus activities, so Alex had not been at liberty to assume Henry would want to continue rooming together.
At least two weeks prior to Spring finals, Alex had tentatively approached Henry with a booklet detailing summer housing options and a PowerPoint presentation highlighting possible scenarios for them.
Scenario 1: Sign up for a summer course or two to take advantage of NYU’s half- or full-summer coursework resident rates. Alex had information on all of the offered courses he thought Henry might be interested in, either for personal reasons or for his degree.
Scenario 2: Extend their current lease as non-NYU residents for the summer and enjoy a proper break before starting their Sophomore and Junior years, respectively. (And each other’s company, if you’re not sick of me yet, written in 8 pt font just under the title. Henry had snorted at that.) The rate was a bit higher in this scenario, but not out of their budget. Henry had argued he really could not keep accepting Alex’s parents’ help in paying his share of the rent, but Alex easily dismissed it with a nonchalant, “My mom loves you, though.”
Scenario 3: Find an apartment elsewhere. This was less appealing, as the rent rates were significantly higher than those of student housing. Henry quite liked their current apartment, actually, and was not desperate to get more space.
Scenario 4: New roommates?
Alex had presented the last option with his bottom lip pulled between his teeth, nails picking at a hole at the knee of his jeans. Henry felt momentary dread, worried he had done something to steer Alex away from continuing to share a living space. He stuck his chin out in that defensive, defiant way to prepare himself for Alex to say it was time to move on from each other. That Henry was great, but he was no longer interested in babysitting a 19, soon 20, year old foreigner.
Alex took in a deep breath before saying, “So. I’m putting this out here. In case you, you know, have other friends you want to live with, instead. Of me. Like. I don’t know, I won’t take it personal if you’re sick of me now. My ADHD habits and stuff. It’s been a year of you dealing with that so if you want an out, I get it. You won’t get rid of me that easily, but. Living. Yeah. It doesn’t have to be with me. Yeah.”
Alex winced at himself at the end with his chin tucked to his chest and avoiding eye contact until Henry made a low, choked sound in his throat.
“Alex, do you want to continue being roommates?”
“Well, yeah, of course. You’re my.. but I know I’m a lot so I won’t keep you hostage this time.”
Henry felt himself deflate in relief, finally realizing that Alex wasn’t sick of him yet, rather he had convinced himself that Henry didn’t want him anymore. Frankly, that was beyond the realm of possibilities. Henry was embarrassingly obsessed with Alex, love not withstanding, and would love nothing more than to continue living by his side. Forever, if given the choice. Later he would wonder what could have possibly led Alex to believe Henry was tired of him.
“Mmm, I guess you are kind of a lot. Untrained puppy,”
“Excuse me!”
“But I quite like your frenetic energy. It’s not a lot for me. I could stand to handle more.”
It was probably a little too honest and definitely too close to the truth, but the big, wet, brown eyes that bore into his made the confession rewarding.
“Yeah? Not sick of me yet, then?”
“Darling, it’ll take a lot more than dirty dishes left in the sink and missed trash days to scare me away.”
“Is that a challenge?” Alex asked with unfiltered mischief sparkling bright in his eyes.
“Of course you would be competitive about it, you absolute plague. Give me your worst, I can handle it.” Henry responded with a smirk, leaning closer into Alex’s space.
Then Alex did a completely unexpected thing by leaning in a pressing an exaggerated kiss to his cheek, wet and loud.
“You’re on, sweetheart. I’ll make you regret it.”
Then he got up saying something about submitting their request to student housing and ordering takeout to celebrate, leaving a stunned Henry frozen on the couch, as if his world hadn’t completely tilted on its axis.
What in the world?
Henry was going to positively expire.
In the end, they decided on the first scenario to lessen the burden on Alex’s kind parents. With the summer semester split into two sessions, Henry enrolled in Coming Out Stories offered in session 1 and Alex enrolled in Topics in Latino Studies: Central American New York: Culture and Theory offered in session 2, allowing them to keep their living arrangements for the summer.
Which is what leads them Henry’s present predicament.
His course had taught him so much about gay rights activism and the AIDS pandemic throughout American history, beginning with the Stonewall Uprising. It explored the power of coming out and how race, religion, education, and gender presentation impact an individual’s decision of how, when, and even if they come out publicly. The queer experience was portrayed like a quilt, complex and beautiful, each square representing either a joyful or a painful moment in time. Henry had never felt so seen and so accepted before.
Up until now, Alex was the only person Henry had confidently come out to. June and Nora had been there when he had uttered the words out loud in panic, an unintentional admission that he could not claim as a true coming out because it felt stolen from him. He had never said the words so explicitly to neither Bea nor Pez. They knew from comments Henry had made in passing, innocent boy talk.
On that quad bench with David in his arms and Alex by his side, he had claimed his label proudly.
The class was assigned to attend the NYC Pride March, if they were at liberty to, to write about their experiences for their final paper. It was explained that the inaugural march took place in 1970, just one year after the Stonewall Uprising, as a civil rights demonstration that since had evolved into a celebration of queerness and diversity. Flyers detailing the event, date, and location were passed out in class. Through this, Henry learned that NYC Pride was much more than a march. Images of past PrideFest exhibitions caused visceral need to stir deep in his gut.
He finds himself standing in front of Alex’s closed bedroom room, flyer crumpled in a tight fist and his other fist hovering just over the door.
Henry really wants to go to pride but he doesn’t think he can do it alone.
It feels like an incredibly vulnerable position to put himself in despite knowing Alex is likely to say yes. He could already have plans, it’s a weekend after all. The possibility of a rejection was not 0 and it was enough to make him nervous.
He’s saved from knocking when Alex’s door suddenly swings open and the man himself damn near bowls Henry over as he steps out of his room. Henry stumbles but is able to hold a steady stance, hands immediately gripping Alex’s hips to maintain his balance, too.
“Jesus, Henry! What are you doing?”
“Oh, um.”
Henry returns Alex’s personal space by stepping back, gripping the flyer tightly by his chest with both hands. He looks down at it, then up at Alex who is looking at him curiously with furrowed brows. He looks down at his feet in sudden embarrassment, overwhelmed by his inability to just spit the question out.
A gentle hand holds him by his jaw, tilting his head back up to regain eye contact.
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong? What do we have here?” Alex asks in a gentle voice with his gaze lowering just for a second to address the flyer in Henry’s hands.
“You can say no, but.. Do you think maybe you could, possibly, if you’re free, and it’s okay if you’re not, but just in case your schedule allows it—or, or if you want to, at all—“
“Baby. Spit it out.”
The only thing being spit out would be his heart, Henry thinks hysterically. Sweetheart was already a battle, this? Baby?? That might as well have been a death sentence. Henry was nothing but a war prisoner. His entire body felt warm, he surprised himself by biting back the whimper valiantly crawling up his throat. He swallows as if that will fix his heart back to his chest and shoves the sorry excuse of a flyer to Alex’s bare—oh, wow, had he always been shirtless?—chest.
“Pride,” Henry finally manages to choke out. Alex takes the flyer with his free hand, the other mindlessly trailing down to hold the back of Henry’s neck instead.
“We, um. For my Coming Out Stories class, I need to attend Pride for an essay. And. And I really, very desperately want to go. I am wondering if you would like to join me.”
In a much quieter voice, he admits, “I don’t fancy going alone.”
He feels a squeeze to his neck and suddenly Alex’s face is far too close to his own, foreheads pressed together.
“Hen, of course I’ll join you at Pride. Actually, would you mind if June and Nora also came along? I think they’d disembowel me if I went without them.”
Henry’s eyes light up and he tips his face up so he can brush his nose against Alex’s just so.
“Yes, of course. I’d love that. You’ll really go?”
“Mhmm, we always went to Pride in Austin. It was probably a weirder event there, given the chokehold conservatism has on that state, but it was always good fun. This will be EPIC!” he replied with that enthusiasm Henry had come to associate with him, it was Alex’s unique brand.
“I’ve never been,” he says, feeling a bit like a failed gay. He knows London and the greater UK, really, have big, boisterous Pride events, too. He recalls the vitriol Mary spewed last June in reference to all of the festivities happening in the city. He was not brave enough to go then.
But now, he has a support system. He knows no matter how his experience goes he will be safe because Alex will be there.
“Baby’s first pride!” Alex says with a sound closer to a giggle. “Yeah, I definitely won’t miss that for the world. If I die before then, take my ashes with you.”
“Okay, drama queen,” Henry replies with a fond eye roll. He yelps when Alex pinches the sensitive skin just behind his ear but the demon steps back before Henry can retaliate. It’s almost worth it to hear his full belly laugh. Henry’s sure he makes a gnarly sight, unable to look at Alex less besotted than he feels.
“I’ll text the girls! They can meet us here, we can paint flags on our cheeks and coordinate outfits. It'll be great!”
They somehow end up on the couch pressed up against each other, just another Tuesday. They discuss their plans and which PrideFest stalls they absolutely must visit. Henry speaks so enthusiastically that his hand brushes against Alex’s pec in a wild gesture, serving to remind them both of how shirtless he is.
“Why are you naked, by the way?”
“First of all, I’m wearing shorts,” Alex gestures in a sweeping motion at his lap. Henry falls for the trap, glancing straight at his crotch and quickly glancing away to his thighs. In hindsight, this wasn’t much better. Henry could barely call those shorts.
“I was on my way to shower. I left my phone on my bed, so I was grabbing it before you ambushed me.”
“If you call this an ambush, I feel sorry for you, dear.”
“Affectionately, shut the fuck up.”
—
The day of pride, Henry wakes up to incessant knocking on his bedroom door. He barely slept a wink last night, practically vibrating out of his skin from excitement. It could hardly be contained in his body. He groans loudly as he forces himself out of bed. His Alex-reserved snark is ever present as he answers the door with a, “Just come in, cretin. When did you learn to knock?”
His jaw promptly meets the ground in shock as he is greeted by the sight of Bea and Pez standing at his door, Cheshire smiles on their face. Here. In the flesh. Breathing the same oxygen as him.
“What?!” is all he is able to say before jumping into their arms, dissolving into sobs. They laugh at him but hold on just as tight, cooing at him like a baby.
“What are you doing here? Oh my god, how are you here?” he asks when he’s finally calmed down, not feeling even a bit sorry to have stained Bea’s top with his tears and snot.
“A little birdie told us today was a big day, so of course we had to be here.” As she’s talking, Bea points a thumb over her shoulder to where a sheepish Alex waves at him from the kitchen, a tentative smile on his lips. It’s then that Henry notices the large pancake stack on the counter and the precise way Alex prepares his tea.
“I can’t believe you would attend your first Pride without me, poppet. I aught to send you to the dungeons for that.” Pez states solemnly, hand to his chest.
Henry steps out of his room to lead them all to the kitchen. As Pez and Bea make themselves comfortable by the kitchen table, Henry approaches Alex from behind and gives in to his urge to wrap his arms around Alex’s waist and tug him to his chest. He is probably holding on more tightly than necessary, but the laugh he receives in return is worth it.
“I can’t believe you did this,” he breathes out as he noses along Alex’s neck. He feels the shiver run down Alex’s spine and allows himself this moment, holding him so intimately without any reserve. Henry can blame it on his heightened emotions, later.
“Yeah, of course. I thought it would be more special if you had them here, too.” Alex replies with a nonchalant shrug, as if this isn’t arguably the most romantic gesture in the history of mankind.
“You’re so wonderful, Alex. So good to me.” Henry allows himself one more transgression by pressing a full on kiss to Alex’s jaw before stepping away to give him space. He’s had his fill for maybe the century, grateful Alex had not pushed him away. Stepping away also allows Henry to catch the reddening of Alex’s ears, and he tries to catch his face but Alex ducks away in embarrassment.
“Stop, it’s nothing. It’s for you. Of course, I’ll do that for you.”
Henry is not able to reply as another set of knocks, to the main entrance this time, catch their attention. Henry assumes it’s Nota and June, easily welcoming them into the apartment. The morning descends into madness from there, as introductions are exchanged and pancakes are consumed. Henry is only given enough time to shower and put on comfortable walking clothes before he finds himself back on the kitchen table, getting a flag painted on his cheek with graphic liners. Nora had truly come prepared.
Alex approaches them and clears his throat to get their attention. Nora pauses just long enough so she and Henry can look at him, noting the tense line to his shoulders and the slight flex to his jaw.
“Can I go next?”
Henry stares at him with wide, curious eyes while Nora smiles encouragingly and nods enthusiastically.
“Of course, Alejandro. We’re just done here,” she says as she puts some final touches to Henry’s cheek and dismisses him. She pats the chair for Alex who immediately takes a seat and glances up at Henry nervously before looking away too quickly. Henry stands at his side trying to shake off his shock. It doesn’t have to mean anything, he reasons that getting a rainbow flag as an ally is actually quite sweet.
Nora, however, still asks, “What flag speaks to you?”
Alex’s eyes dart back towards Henry, then to June sitting on the other side of the table, and finally at Nora. He inhales a deep breath and softly admits, “Bisexual flag, please,” on the exhale.
June quickly stands and rounds the table to hug his head to her chest, saying, “Proud of you, Lil bit.” at the same time that Nora says, “Welcome to the club! Free refreshments inside!”
Henry’s heart begins a full on riot in his chest, pin-balling against his ribcage. It was easier to resolve himself to a life of platonic coexistence with Alex when he was straight. Now… Now he thinks back to what June said in the winter, and begs whatever deity can hear him to please not let Alex count him out in his expanded romantic interests.
Alex’s shoulders sag in relief in his sister’s hold, arms moving to hug her waist tightly. Once he’s had his fill, he chances a glance at Henry who still has not reacted.
“Is that okay?” he asks nervously, which finally pulls Henry out of his thoughts and back to the moment. He takes in Alex’s bright eyes and the lip trapped between his teeth, suddenly realizing that his approval somehow means a lot to Alex.
He finally reaches out to fix a misplaced curl by Alex’s forehead and awards him with his fondest smile. “Of course it’s okay, love. Thank you for trusting us.”
Then June and Bea are pulling Henry away with the excuse of finding him a better outfit while Alex gets his flag painted on.
Henry sits down heavily on his bed and looks up at the two sisters fearfully, as they stand with arms crossed over their chests.
“So… Alex is bi.”
“Y-yes, I heard,” he responds through a gulp.
“When do you plan on making your move?” June asks, straight forward as always.
“June! I can’t! He just came out, how can I take advantage of that? I can’t just say, “Hey Alex! Now that you’re into men, do you fancy sucking my cock?” He would have me committed! Jailed! Deported! And what if he came to his sexuality because he met someone? Oh, god.”
“Okay, ew, I’d expect more romance.” June protests just as Bea scoffs.
“Oh, come off it, Hen. That man is positively smitten with you. If it weren’t for Pez and me, I’m not sure your kitchen moment would have stayed rated G for long.”
Henry whines pathetically and hides his face in his hands. Right. He had forgotten the full show he had given his sister and best friend this morning in his emotionally vulnerable state.
“Henry, do you like my brother?”
“I.. I love him, of course I love him. He’s everything,” he admits with a sad smile.
“Then what’s the problem? Get your man, Hen! He sent you an explicit invitation!” Bea encourages, taking a seat next to Henry and shaking him by his shoulders as if that will lodge some sense into his brain.
“She’s right. Put him out of his misery. I am tired of hearing about your very blue eyes and very thick thighs over brunch every Saturday.” June says with her nose scrunched up in distaste.
That revelation makes Henry flush deeply, disbelieving that Alex would talk about him in that way. But if there’s a chance.. Henry owes it to himself to try. At least one date, he’s sure he can convince Alex of that much. Making impulsive decisions had not failed him yet.
Glancing back and force between the two girls, Henry relents, “Okay. I’ll do it. I will ask Alex out at Pride.”
The girls cheer and quickly get to work putting Henry in a more flattering outfit, to keep up their cover story.
By the time they reemerge, Nora has put away her makeup, and Alex and Pez are in a heated debates over something. As Alex catches sight of Henry from across the room, his mouth closes with a clack of his teeth and his eyes widen as he takes Henry in.
“Sweetheart.. You really know how to clean up.”
Henry notices a nervousness he is not used to seeing on Alex, who is usually so confident and loud, in the tense lines of his body and the way he twists his fingers like he doesn’t know what to do with himself. It reminds him of Alex’s demeanor when discussing summer living arrangements, like he’s afraid Henry will reject or not want him anymore. He feels a squeeze to his heart and makes up his mind, then. Either he has not been obvious enough or Alex really is oblivious.
Henry approaches him confidently and takes a hold of his hand with a soft smile.
“You’re one to talk. I didn’t even know you owned jeans,” he jokes while lightly elbowing Alex’s side, whose nervousness immediately melts away and his smug smirk returns.
“Are you saying you hate my grey sweats?”
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
Their banter is interrupted by Pez shouting, “Come on lovebirds, you can flirt and walk. We've got a parade to attend!” from the doorway with the girls in tow.
Both clear their throats as nonchalantly as possibly, bursting into giggles as they make eye contact. Alex looks at their hands, entwines their fingers, and pulls Henry along.
“Come on, Cinderella, the ball awaits you.”
—
Pride is a kaleidoscope of celebration, laughter, and unbridled joy. Henry had never seen such loud and proud displays of queer joy, much less experienced it. Too many times he caught himself getting choked up, tears pricking behind his eyelids. He felt like a kid in Disney World, amazed and awed by all of the sights.
He would turn to Alex to point out a couple holding hands or a drag queen holding a small court, and he’d feel more embarrassed by his behavior if he wasn’t met with a fond smile every time. Alex would squeeze his hand, or would offer to take photos of Henry in front of signs or with people he found interesting.
An elderly mother holding a sign that reads, “FREE HUGS! I am your mom today and I love you,” has Henry unable to hold his tears back. Alex gently pushes him towards the lady who immediately sees Henry and holds her arms open, giving him an inviting smile. Henry meekly approaches her and surprises himself by how instantly he crumples in her arms, as she whispers words of encouragement like, “I’m so proud of you,” and, “I’m so glad you’re still here.”
He is still crying when he makes his way back to Alex’s side but there’s also a smile on his face. It doesn’t prevent Alex from wrapping his arms securely around Henry, kissing his temple and his hair.
“You are so deserving of love and happiness, sweetheart. I promise you.”
And Henry? He’s done pretending to be anything less than in love with Alex who has been nothing but sweet, attentive, and caring of Henry and his traumas. Even if he wanted to keep reeling his affections back, they have outgrown the receptacle he has been shoving them in, over spilling so much that the lid no longer fits. It is a losing battle.
He pulls away just enough for their eyes to meet and the fondness reflected back at him in Alex’s eyes allow Henry’s lungs to expand and breathe easy, for once. It allows hope to grow rampantly in his chest, growing flowers in the chasm in his heart. The darkness and rotting that existed there, collateral damage from his father’s death, is spackled by the love he feels for the man before him.
So he takes a leap.
What a scene, he must make. Tears still clinging to his eyelashes, cheeks wet, and nose stuffy. It’s now or never.
“Tell me to sod off if I am completely off the mark here, but.. Your bisexuality..” he trails off.
“Yes?”
“Is.. erm.. If there isn’t anyone you have your eyes on that led to this conclusion, I am wondering if you would want to go on a date with me? A real, romantic, flowers and goodnight kisses kind of date.” The last part comes out in a rush, words tumbling over each other, but he never looks away from Alex. Henry wants to show him that he can be brave and proud of who he is, of what they could possibly have. He tries not let his heart sink to his stomach when Alex lets out a full, belly laugh.
He looks at Henry with disbelief, as if he is the most oblivious person on planet earth and maybe a few of the other planets on this galaxy.
“Henry, sweetheart, we’ve been dating since Christmas,” he says as his laughter finally dies down.
“What?” Henry chokes out, completely surprised by this.
“I mean, in my head, anyways. To answer your questions: I do have my eyes on someone. He’s this really perfect, beautiful inside and out, literature nerd who has the worst taste in breakfast foods and Star Wars movies,”
“Hey! Toast and jam is perfectly acceptable breakfast food,” Henry interrupted to defend himself, quickly realizing Alex has yet to explicitly say it’s about him yet feeling so confident that fresh, new tears well in his eyes.
“TERRIBLE taste,” Alex continues, ignoring Henry with an eyeroll. He smiles as he continues, “but the most genuine heart. He’s my roommate and my soulmate, probably. The only person who hasn’t made me feel stupid and useless for having bad ADHD days, and allows me to invade his space, steal his attention, and monopolize his affections. Henry, I..
I’ve always been drawn to you but didn’t realize it was love until you comforted me when my parents fought. I’ve been so scared to admit to these feelings because without labeling my sexuality, I didn’t want you to think I was “experimenting” or playing with you. I wanted to be sure. You deserve to be loved loudly and proudly.” His voice chokes up at the end, tightening his hold on Henry.
"Oh, darling. You don’t have to be certain of your label to validate your attraction to others,” Henry said soothingly, gently cupping Alex’s face with his hands.
“No, I know that. I just mean.. You came here, a whole new country, to be yourself. I couldn’t bear to bring you down or cast doubt on my intentions with you. And also, you know, I couldn’t be sure that you even had an interest in me like that. Like, I’m not an asshole. I don’t assume that the gay men I meet are into me!”
“But you thought we were already dating?”
“I mean, I was calling them dates in my head and hoping you thought so, too, which made me realize that straight people probably don’t struggle with those thoughts. So I pushed, a bit. Hand holding, cuddling, being as physical as possible. I was waiting for you to push me away or worse, tell me you had met someone and I needed to fuck off immediately.” Alex admitted sheepishly, looking away from Henry.
“Darling, I reciprocated every time because there has only ever been you for me.” Henry injected as much sincerity to his words as he could. Alex met his eyes again, wet and brown and so hopeful.
“I’ve been told I’m a lot, I thought maybe you were just placating me. It didn’t have to mean you were as in love with me as I am with you.”
Henry thinks Alex is so brave, even when he grimaces like he did not mean to say that out loud. He thinks it’s safe to throw caution to the wind, given all the revelations thus far, so he finally gives in to the urge to kiss Alex ardently, with intention, on purpose. He sighs, finally at peace as he doesn’t have to wonder what Alex’s lips feel like anymore. He’s happy to report they are just as plush and as soft as they look, no false advertising here.
Alex readily kisses back, hands finding their way into Henry’s hair as if that’s their rightful place. Henry’s own hands find a home on Alex’s hips. Before they can put on a whole show in the bustling streets of New York, Henry breaks away from the kiss but makes no effort to put any respectable distance between their bodies.
“I’m so in love with you it makes me stupid, Alex. Our sisters gave me a pep talk to put my arse into gear, that obvious.”
“Stinky girls, they were plotting! Nora gave me a talk, too. Pez almost bribed me to make you an honest man, or whatever.”
That startled a near hysterical laugh out of Henry, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Bea and Pez were only around us for 29 minutes and they could see how obsessed with you I am, darling. I hope that makes my feelings clear.” Henry says a little more seriously, realizing Alex had not exactly given him an answer about the date. He looks at Alex intently, hoping to telepathically put the thought back into the forefront of his mind.
“Well, I guess we will have to report mission success. Yes, baby, I would love to go on a date with you. A million dates. Flowers and kisses and baby names, the whole nine yards.” He seals the words with another kiss pressed to Henry’s lips, teasingly biting his bottom lip knowing they can’t take this further in public.
“Thank God. I’m not sure I can survive another day of you shirtless in those booty shorts without jumping your bones. You’ve tortured me enough.”
Alex, ever the smug asshole, smirks victoriously at that. “Permission to jump my bones granted, sweetheart.”
“Miscreant. Keep it in your pants until we get home.”
Alex moves a hand down to grab a handful of Henry’s ass, no shame present.
“We could go home now,” he suggests with a playful lilt to his voice.
Henry bites his jaw and pinches his hip harshly.
“Relax, puppy, or I’ll have to put you in horny jail. There is more Pride to enjoy yet.”
Henry puts a pin on the blush that dusts the apples of Alex’s cheeks but doesn’t comment further as they separate from each other. Alex groans and protests the whole time, linking their fingers together again.
“Fiiiine, let’s go find the others. I’ll be patient, but I expect a reward when I get home. My boyfriend is hot and I want him in a way that is offensive to feminism, or whatever they say on twitter.”
Henry laughs out loud again, shoving Alex but not letting his hand go.
“Boyfriend? Not even waiting until after the first date?”
“Weren’t you paying attention? We’ve been dating since Christmas, it’s on my google calendar.”
“Oh, well if it’s on the calendar, it must be true.” Henry responds solemnly, nodding along.
“Need to make it facebook official. Hey, will you write my initials with a red heart next to it on your instagram bio?” Alex asks seriously, swinging their hands between them with a pep to his step. Confirming your huge crush on your roommate is requited will do that to you.
“Oh, yes, but only if you make a highlight dedicated to pictures of me with a caption like red heart-My Baby-red heart, so everyone knows you’re mine.” Henry says jokingly, but the more he thinks about it.. He kind of wants that. Yearns for the kind of love that is unapologetically loud and there for anyone to see, because it isn’t shameful or wrong, because it deserves to be celebrated. A love like his parents had.
Alex must see it in his eyes because he presses a soft kiss to Henry’s cheek and nods in agreement, still playful but not joking.
“I agree to these terms and conditions. My name is Alex Claremont-Diaz, I am incredibly bisexual and stupidly in love with my boyfriend Henry Fox. Signed and dated.”
Henry feels so silly for the tears that fight to the surface again but he blinks them back successfully, laughing wetly instead.
He never thought he could have this.
When they finally reunite with their friends, Alex repeats those words proudly while lifting their clasped hands, and everyone cheers like they’re witnessing a World Cup match and not their two idiot friends finally admitting to their feelings for each other.
—
Later that night, as they’re exchanging goodnights with everyone, he finds out that both Bea and Pez are permanently relocating to New York at the end of the year: Pez to take over one of the LGBTQ+ shelters his family’s foundation had recently opened in the heart of New York; Bea to find herself anew, away from the drugs and Mary. It just made sense for them to share an apartment until they found their own feet.
Bea tells him their mom was rattled by Henry’s disappearance, awake for the first time since their father’s death. In the time he’s been gone, she sought out professional help to deal with her grief and find her way back onto the path of the living. She hadn’t begged Bea for Henry’s information but had passed a letter along, containing apologies and promises to become better, to become a mother Henry can welcome back into his life. It also mentions the name of the lawyer that will help Henry access the inheritance left behind by his father.
Henry reads this letter in the comfort of Alex’s arms, expelling all of the hurt and fear he has carried with him since he left home. He may have given up on her but he thinks there is room in his heart for forgiveness, in due time.
When the tears have dried and his heart feels appropriately soothed, Henry makes good on his promise to reward Alex for his patience and for giving Henry the space to process his emotions and thoughts in the ways that are most appropriate to him. Not just this time, but every time Henry has needed a shoulder.
Alex stops him with a hand tugging his hair to clarify, “I will always do that for you, baby. You don’t need to thank me, especially not with a sexual favor in return,” despite his pupils being blown so wide with lust that the beautiful brown irises Henry has grown obsessed with are barely visible.
It’s sweet, Henry saying as much before taking the full length of Alex down his throat. Only when Alex is left a babbling mess, thighs shaking and core cramping from the restraint he is showing by keeping his hips still, does Henry pull off to say, “This is because I love you and, how did you put it? Ah yes, my boyfriend is so hot and I want him in a way that is concerning to feminism,” then promptly gets his mouth back on Alex.
Alex has always been beautiful, like a Greek sculpture made of the finest marble became sentient and alive, but the sight of him like this—deformed curls sticking to his forehead, skin glistening with sweat, coming undone from Henry’s skillful tongue—he is fit to be displayed in the Louvre.
And it’s all for Henry to admire.
After, as they cuddle in bed despite Henry’s protests that they really should get cleaned and Alex’s winning argument of, “What for? We’ll just get messy again. I’m not done with you yet, baby,” they simply lie there and look into each other’s eyes, gentle hands touching and caressing all the skin available to them because they can do that now, Henry has an epiphany.
“Thank you for saving my life,” he whispers, keeping his tone light despite the big wave of emotions that crash into him all at once.
Henry came to NYU to escape his abusive grandmother and his deteriorating life. He’d dreamt of freedom but never expected to end up with this, a happiness that once seemed to unattainable for someone like him. With his boyfriend here in the same bed, a strong support system in their combined friends, and the comfort of knowing that NYU is not a refuge anymore because he is welcomed in the homes of the Claremont-Diaz parents until he can get his own housing not tied to his education, he feels truly free. A fairytale happy ending.
He feels more than hears the sharp intake of breath before he is crushed in Alex’s arms, nose buried in his chest. Soft fingers running through his hair and massaging his scalp, a gesture he has grown so used to.
“Baby… Thank you for fighting.”
Henry distantly thinks that maybe his arguments won’t hold up so well in the court of law anymore, not when he could never regret his decisions, but that’s okay. He knows his future lawyer boyfriend, Alex Claremont-Diaz, will always protect him.
Always.
Henry does eventually ask Alex about his lockscreen, which he proudly shows off as a candid photo of Henry reading his favorite book, David in his lap, golden hour sunlight illuminating his skin and hair. It’s a beautiful shot, Henry can barely remember when Alex would have had the opportunity to take it.
Later, he changes it to a picture of them kissing during Pride, colorful flags displayed behind them. Henry changes his lockscreen to a picture of Alex holding David, but keeps their Austin napping photo as his background. It’s perfect.
Alex keeps his word and creates a highlight story on his instagram titled ❤️ My Baby ❤️, filled with pictures of Henry and occasionally of himself, too, throughout their relationship. He calls it their love diary and Henry is incredibly fond of it.
Henry becomes more active on social media just to post photos of Alex and his found family. He hopes that Mary finds them someday, and bursts into flames at the sight of her “deviant” grandson being proudly gay and thriving.