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One day, Handsome Jack was in his iconic diamond hammock and he was sipping onj olive `olive in a wine glass. He said., “man im kinda tired, im gonna take a nap…. yeah…. taking a nap….. now…..”
he goes to sleep slowly and keeps drinking his olive oil in his sleep but in his sleep one of his servants named Fireball comes in. He cackles maniaclly and slips in 40 benadryls into his olive oil anhd then walks away saying “hehehehe im so clever and if im not then my name istn Fireball Bodacious III (THE THIRD)!!!!!!”
“EW!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!!!!” HJandsome Jack wakes up to a looud roaring and he wakes up and sees a big green ugly dragon. He has fangs and big eyebags and he has big frills behind his ears. The dragon freezes and looks really scared and calls off into the hall. “Scaaaarrleeeeetttttt…….. there’s a scavenger on the flooooooorr…..”
Another dragon comes in and looks at Handsome Jack. The other dragon, Scarlet, looks very different from the greasy green one. They’re more menacing with shiny gems on they’re eyebrows and sharp yellow eyes. They’re a fiery orange and red with gold chainmail.
“Eughhhh…..” Scarlet grimaced and hissed “Ugh… I’ll ghet rid of it.” they breathed in and Handsome thought that they were going to breathe fire because it looks like they can breathe fire because they are orange and red like fire
“Woah woash woah…. you would breathe fire on a handsome fella like myself big mean scary dragon would you????????” he smiled and winked and a sparkle flew out of hius eye and he had a fingher gun shape under his chin.
The both the dragons stopped and looked really tunned looking at him. The orange one stopped trying to breathe fire and their jaw dropped. “Chameleon, did you magic this scavenger to speak or something?” Scarlet said to the green one named chameleon apparently
“No?! Why would I do that?!?!”
“THEN WHY IS IT SPEAKING?????!?!??!?!?”
Handsome jack laughed, “Ladies ladies no need to worry, I’m just passin through..”
Chameleon stared at him, “I’m a man….”
“Sure sure anyways where are we anyways? I ended up here after i took a nap but i dont think im dreaming heh.”
Scarlet looked at chameleon slowly and then back at Handsome Jack and then smiled wickedly. “Chameleon….. I know just where to put this thing…… In the arena!!! HAHAHHAAHYHAH!!!!@” She laughed scary anfd loud and the green girl llaughed nervously alongside her. “Chameleon! grab it and follow me….” Chameleon grabbed Handsome jack and followed Scarlet into a bigger cave.
“Hey!! put me down you slimy beast!!!!! I’m handsopme jack and i command ytoui to put me down.” Chameleon lookedx at him and raised and eyebrow but didn’t listen to him. Handsome Jack started hitter her hand and biting and kicking but the dragon didnt react.
they brough him over to a tiny birdcage and lock him in it its hanging from the ceiling. Scarlet yells at the green one to cast a speel on it and they argue because chameleon is incompetent or soemething
“Fine!!! I’ll just guard it myself….. this present is too thrilling to lose….” Scarlet grinned from dragon ear to dragon ear and flicked her tonmgue like a snake. Gulp! Hadnsome jack got a little scared but he canmt be scared because hes handsome jack.;.
“sigh.,.... i guess i’ll just have to wait this fiasco out…” handsome jack sighed and fell asleep again
The next morning the cage was yanked from the cieling from a new dragon! it looked like the same kind of dragon as scarlet but it was lighter orange and yellow and had ugly tacky jewelerey like a spiked collar and a black pouch and a golden snake on its and copious golden rings. Handsome jack would never flaunt his riches like that hes more refined with it. Plsu hes pretty sure hes infintely more rich than this pathetic dragon. if only he had his cool guns right now then he coul be even. BUt no they just had to play dirty. He would never do that.
The dragon flew him to the “arena” with Scarlet. They put him in a cage next to Scarlet on a pavillion thing that looked down on a sandy area. Hundreds on dragons that looked like the same kind of dragons as Scarlet and the other one. They’re probably called fire dragons or something. A dark red fire dragon fly out above the arena and started talkling to the audience who roaared in excitement. He noticed there was a tan yellow prisoner with a scorpion tail in the arena with a nasty scar that went across their face. “wow they also have a face scar like me where is their mask though they neeed a cool mask like me” handfsoem jack said thought.
“So folks we have a very special opponnent for this dragon today…. a scavenger!” The crowd sounded confused and some booed at the thought of a boring “scavenger” in the arena. Suddenly, two fire dragon guards grabbed Jakcs’ cage and flew him down and dumped him onto the sand in the arena across from the scorpion dragon. the fire dragon laughed at the booing crowd
“Now now this isnt any ordinary dragon everyone…” The announcer fire dragon scooped up Handsome Jack and brought him up in the air to show the crowd “:this scavenger can talk!!!” it poked Jack in the ribs with a claw
“Ow! God damnit what’s with you friggin dragons and manhandling me!?!?!!” he shouted and the crowd gasped and cheered excited by this little magical scavenger. Handsome jack smiled “Yeah!! im awesome!!!! YEAH!!!!!!” he stood up on the announcers palm and put his fists in the air and riled u[p the crowd because he thought it was fun. The announcer put him on the sand and he could here some of the dragons closest to him talking to him.
“Im rooting for you!!”
“I hope you dont die your soooo cool”
“You dont look animus enchanted……”
“Where did you come from?!?!?!”
He waved to the crowd and winked and some of the dragons fainted but they all cheered. He turned back to the scorpion dragon who rolled their eyes.
the announcer yelled “claws (and no claws) up, fire (and no fire) ready, fight!!!!!”
The scorpion dragon ran at him and swiftly dodged the attcack. “that all you got?? ive fought monsters way bigger than you!!” The dragon growled and tried to stab him with its tail but he ran away. The crowd was going apeshit. The scorpion dragon yells in frustration and also pain because jack stomps on their foot and runs away. They pounce on handsome jack and pin him down to the sand with one hand and smiles but a few people boo. “Looks like the end of you little scaveneger.”
haqndsome jhack struggles and he wonders if its the end. and then he rememebers that hes handsome jack so he cant die. Right….?
“Maybe… this is the end….. of Handsome Jack….. at least my death is badass!” he thinks.
But suddenly a whinney from across the arena catches everyone attention goes to it. “butt stallion!!!” handsome jackls screams and hge runs oiver to butt stallion because thye dragons grip loosens from suprise. The diamond bicorn has a crate full of ammo and guns. “Oh i just knew i could count on my trusty steed. yknow youre like the daughter i never had girl.” he says hopping on her back. The crowd goes crazy because another mysterious creature has shown up to make everything much more interesting.
The scorpion dragon lashes its tail and screams in rage. “W-WHAT!?!?!!? SCARLET!!! THIS IS AGAINST THE RULES YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A QUEEN???”
“that’s QUEEN scarlet toi you, and i cando whatever i want im queen! and this is the must thrilling the arena has ever been! we’re all having the time of our lives!!!! right people??” the crowd screams in agreeance and handsome jack chuckles. “Looks like youre outnumbered kitten.” He procedes to unload a machine gun into the scorpion dragons body and it falls over onto the sand. Cheers from everywhere and queenj scarlet orderiung more prisoners into the arena. He leaps into the air with butt stallion and does trick shots on the prisoners. Blood rains from the sky and bodies are taken out one byu one until about half of the prisoners are killed. Everyone cheers and chants handsome jacks name. He stands up on Butt stallions back and cheers himself.
“everyone give it up for handsome jack!! hip hip..!!”
“hurray!!!!!”
Once everyone leaves for the day, queen scarlet swoops down to the arena to speak to jhack
“You were amazing!!!! truly the most thrilling performance ive ever seen sir Handsome Jack!!!! if you dont mind me asking them i have many questions for you..”
“Oh i dont mind at all Queen Scarlet!”
And with that, the amazing day came to a close. Handsome Jack may never know who these dragons were, or where he was, or where butt stallion came from…. but he knows that right now? he feels like hot shit.
~~~~~~~~~~
It can’t be……..
“HANDSOME JACK FOUND DEAD IN HIS ICONIC DIAMOND HAMMOCK DRINKING HIS EVENING GLASS OF OLIVE OIL. CAUSE OF DEATH SUSPECTED TO BE A BENADRYL OVERDOSE.”
Is this real life??? or is it just a fantasy??????
“HE’S GONE!!!!” everyone in the eternity of ever cheers at his death. But one in particular stands out… his proclaimed assassin standing on a table and rallying a crowd…..
“I was the one who did it! I’m here to call upon a better future for all, or my name isn’t Fireball Bodacious III (THE THIRD)!!!!!!!!!! Who’s with me????” The crowd cheers. Later, this event should be known as “The Bodacious Upbringing”, and all subsequent dates would be recorded via BB (Before Bodacious) or AB (After Bodacious).