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Everyone has something they fear but not many have to face those fears. The fear gas didn't have long-term effects, Damian hadn't been exposed too long to it in the last mission and not as many times as his father had in the past but it felt like it was still a lingering effect even when there wasn't supposed to be. It's been days from the mission and the nightmares kept coming back. He had always felt the need to appear strong, fearless, and ruthless and sometimes the words that came out of his mouth were things he didn't mean, he said those things out of spitefulness or even, out of fear. Fear of being discovered, being labelled as a coward or losing the facade he had tried so hard to maintain.
But his nightmares weren't about those things. It was a stronger fear that grew and grew as he got attached to people. Maybe it had always been there, waiting for something to trigger it. Perhaps the day his mother had asked him to choose between his father and her. The disappointment on her face when the answer wasn't her but his father or when he decided to be a masked vigilante instead of what he was supposed to be, the head of the League of Assasins.
The idea of being replaced plagued his mind. He felt like a disappointment to both of his parents even when he tried his best to be accepted.
Many things had happened in the past and that moment as he opened his eyes in shock, breathing heavily with a slight damp feeling at the back of his neck, he knew -or he hoped- that the effects of the fear gas had been tampering with his subconscious making him feel exposed. People grow and change, there's no doubt of that. His father hadn't known about his existence and in that time he had adopted some kids and Damian could see the pride he felt towards them in how he talked about them. Every time it made Damian feel smaller and lonelier.
His father wasn't home and Alfred was busy. The truth was that in some manner, he was embarrassed. He lay in his bed, sweat dampening his forehead and his hand starting to feel clammy.
Damian closed his eyes once again.
There was darkness surrounding him, nothing new, sometimes he found himself there and nothing happened, just there surrounded by nothingness and he found peace in such ambience. He closed his eyes in the dream and his nose was filled with a familiar scent, and his eyes opened, there was a ray of sunshine hitting him directly in his face. He squinted his eyes and covered his face with his arm, trying to make out the figures in the distance. He was in the manor, the feeling was reassuring, he had missed the place. He tried to calm down but his heart was racing.
"Father," he called without thinking and the figures became solid, it was his father beside Selina Kyle, they were smiling, he could sense that and a small, soft chuckle made him run to see them from the front. "Father!" He yelled, his voice shaking.
Selina was holding a small baby in her arms, he saw Bruce's smile and his face broke. "Father!" He called once again, feeling the tears forming in his eyes. The sound of his voice getting faint. He tried to get closer but an invisible force maintained them out of reach from him. "Father," he said, his voice breaking as he started to cry and Bruce's face raised to meet his son's eyes. "Father," he cried weakly.
"I don't need you anymore," Bruce said in a whisper but it was loud enough for Damian. He was about to scream when everything vanished and he fell. He started to drown, his lungs being filled with water, dark and thick water and everything felt heavy on his chest. His throat closed, making it hard to breathe.
He wanted to scream for help but he was unable to make a single sound. He was about to pass out when his back hit something. It was the bottom of something. He opened his eyes and saw his brother, he wasn't alone, Dick
"Grayson," he called, he tried to not sound as desperate as he felt but the knot in his throat became almost unbearable. His brother turned his head and he saw anger and disgust drawn in his face that made Damian's stomach twist making him feel nauseous. "Grayson," he called again, desperation and anguish drawn in every sound.
"Can't you see?" Dick said, a sound as spiteful as the first things he had said to him when he got to Gotham. "I have a family now," Dick said, "I don't want you around."
His own scream woke him up, the sound tinging on his ears, his face drenched in sweat and the droplets running through his temple. He moved to dress into a more appropriate gear and took one of the motorcycles in the Batcave, not caring about the rules his father had implemented when he got back.
He drove as fast as he could but safely enough to arrive at his destination in one piece. He felt his body trembling and he was still drenched in cold sweat and the knot on his throat was suffocating. He just wanted to stop and he did when he got to Dick's house, he didn't knock, he went through the window. Dick was there, enjoying the night, or what was left of it he jumped when Damian entered through the window, the youngest Wayne didn't try to be stealthy which made Dick know something was wrong. He stood from his place on the couch and walked towards Damian
He was about to talk, "Don't ever dare," Damian said when Dick was about to talk, "You won't replace me," he yelled and the confusion was drawn into his face. "You're my brother, you're my family," he said softly and Dick got closer enough to hug him.
"Are you okay?" Dick managed to say but Damian kept silent, not returning his hug, stoic and afraid. "Did something happen?"
"I had a nightmare," Damian whispered, maybe in another instance Dick would've chuckled but looking at the appearance of his little brother he refrained to do so. "You and father," he said, a wave of embarrassment came and he stopped himself from talking, Dick noticed hugging him tighter and when he tried to free himself the embrace only got tighter and Damian resigned.
"Whatever it is," Dick said releasing Damian and placing his hand on his shoulder to talk to him face-to-face. "We're here for you," he said before he placed a hand on his neck. "You better take a shower and get to bed, you're disgusting right now." He said jokingly making Damian frown but there was no denying the fact that he had been sweating a lot and a good shower could help him calm down. Dick pushed him towards the bathroom and Damian let himself be guided without complaining even though it could be a great idea, he didn't have the strength to do it. "I'll get some clothes for you, just take your time."
Damian went inside the bathroom and took him some time to actually move around and get inside. His mind was a jumble and he wondered if his behaviour would make everything real and the thought made him shiver. He hit himself on the stomach, trying to get rid of those emotions but it only hurt him physically and the mental pain and fear were still there, making him crouch in the shower as the warm water became cold. He stood and took any towel he could reach and went to open the bathroom door, Dick had left there an old T-shirt and a pair of pants that were too large for him but it could work and he didn't care anymore if someone asked him.
Damian left the bathroom as he tied the pants on his waist, the living room was empty. He walked silently towards the Dick's room. The bed was done and Dick was sitting at the edge of it, in his hands was a plushie, he was staring at it, he almost missed the sound of the clothing rustling but he heard it and turned around.
"Hey," Dick said softly, "get to the bed and we can talk," there was something in his voice, it wasn't commanding, there was something there that made him obey, he lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Dick placed the stuffed animal in Damian's chest, he was about to complain but he looked at the worried frown on Dick's face he just bit his lip and swallowed his pride.
"I dreamed of you and Father," he said calmly, breathing slowly trying not to hyperventilate as he did before. He could feel the warmth on his cheeks as he blushed. "I saw Father and Selina..." He trailed off, it was hard, the feeling and the embarrassment he felt but he tried his best. "They had a kid to replace me," he finished. The emotions poured from him. Dick mover slightly but did nothing more than stare at the ceiling beside his brother. Damian snuggled the stuffed animal, pressing it hard against his chest. "And you," he started again. "You said you didn't want to be my family anymore" he finished. Dick moved and hugged him.
"That won't happen," Dick whispered, "You'd always be my brother," Dick said, a hard feeling pressing against his chest. "There's nothing that could change that," he said and released Damian to see his face, he saw the youngest Wayne blush and hide it with the stuffed animal making him chuckle at the sight.
"I know," Damian responded from behind the plushie.
"But I have to tell you," Dick said with a smile, moving to lie on the bed once again. "Sometimes it's had to deal with you and you've done things that don't make me proud of you but still, you're my brother and I'll be by your side no matter what."
Damian's heart skipped a beat and he smiled, a smile that looked like his usual smirk. Dick had been watching him with the corner of his eye and smiled too. He saw Damian drift away into a deep sleep, still tightly holding his stuffed animal. He smiled a smile that looked like his usual smirk. Dick had been watching him with the corner of his eye and smiled too. He saw Damian drift away into a deep sleep, still tightly holding his stuffed animal.
Whenever the nightmare woke Damian up he turned to see Dick, sleeping beside him and relaxed a bit to sleep.