Chapter Text
Oikawa Tooru was in a particularly bad mood today. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe because he just couldn't seem to focus on the damn ball. Regardless, he was on edge.
“Alright folks, eyes on me,” the coach called out loud enough for everyone to hear.
Oikawa, located on the other side of the hall, practiced his sets with one of the teammates he was closest with, which there weren't many of to be fair. That nagging feeling that had been in the back of his head all day distracted him from doing the easiest exercises, and if he heard his teammates voice one more time he swore to god he would throw the ball in his face.
Hearing the trainer's announcement, Tooru instinctively turned his head around, which led to the ball immediately crashing against his head.
“Man, what is up with you today?”, his mate laughed and grabbed his hand to pull him up from the dirty floor.
Oikawa tried to stay calm and just huffed, quickly ruffling through his messed up hair to fix it.
“I’m fine. Come on, let's go.”
The other man knew it was best to not question Oikawa Tooru, especially when he was obviously pissed.
As everyone gathered around the elderly coach, he made sure to wait until it was absolutely silent before he spoke.
“I am pleased to announce that from today on, we will have an assistant trainer joining us. He will help you guys a little to prepare for the big game.”
Oikawa could barely catch a glimpse of the supposed assistant as the guy was doing a pretty good job at hiding himself behind the statue of the team managers.
For some strange reason, he started having a bad feeling about this. Something wasn’t right. He could feel it in his guts.
“Please welcome Iwaizumi Hajime!”
No. No, this couldn't be. Oikawa saw the hands of his teammates moving in a clapping motion, but he couldn't hear a thing. It felt as if someone had sucked out all the sound in the world within seconds.
His eyes wandered around, trying to see if this was all just a bad dream. There must be plenty of other Iwaizumi Hajime’s in the world, right? He began squeezing himself through the crowd, further and further. This is all just a bad joke, the man tells himself. Haha everyone, we all had a good laugh. Now where are the hidden cameras?
His eyes finally came to a halt as they made contact with another pair. The black spikey hair, the oh so familiar serious expression and those dark green eyes. It felt like Oikawa suddenly entered a time capsule as he was looking at the face of his best friend he had last seen five years ago.
Iwaizumi Hajime.
“Iwa. Iwa, could we talk? Please.”
After their first encounter, the coaches dismissed the team and Oikawa immediately followed Iwaizumi to the equipment room. The man hadn’t said a single word to Oikawa yet, and he actually seemed quite unbothered by his presence.
“Please.”
“If you have any questions regarding your new training plan, please discuss them with me inside my work hours,” were the first words Hajime spoke, not even attempting to make eye contact with as he collected the balls to rearrange them.
“Stop fucking around for one second and talk to me like a normal human being. We haven’t seen each other in so long…” Oikawa pleaded, desperately trying to get Iwaizumi to look at him with those damn green eyes.
But it was no use. Iwaizumi just resumed with his task, acting completely unbothered.
“There is nothing I have to say to you.”
“Iwa, please-”
“Do not call me that.”
For a second, Tooru thought he had heard a bit of anger slip through that answer and didn't know what to respond other than to stay quiet. It still felt surreal to him, seeing the man he once called his best friend standing in front of him after so many years, but he was determined to take advantage of the situation and make things right again.
Oikawa watched as Iwaizumi kept rearranging the balls with his back turned to him. It was obvious he had no intentions of starting a conversation with him. But he wasn’t going to give up that easily.
“Please,” he says again, slower this time. “Just… let me explain.”
Hajime finally turned around, meeting Tooru’s eyes for the second time since he got here.
“You have two minutes.”
Suddenly, Oikawa was at a loss for words. He had already prepared a whole speech in his head from the moment he first saw Iwaizumi earlier, hell, even way before that, but not that he actually got the chance to talk, it was all gone. Now he was just standing there like a total idiot, trying to form a proper sentence.
Obviously, Iwaizumi noticed that and just let out a little scoff as if he had already expected it.
“Thought so. Just quit wasting my time,” was the last thing he muttered before walking past Oikawa, slightly brushing his shoulder in the process.
Tooru mentally cursed himself, the voice in his head yelling at him to run after Iwaizumi, to hold him back and beg for forgiveness.
But he was frozen in place, his body not giving in to the brains commands.
Fuck.
Tooru was not able to sleep that night. His mind kept wandering back to the earlier conversation with Hajime. The regret of not being able to say what he had been wanting to say for so long was eating him up inside and he coulldnt believe that Iwaizumi still had that effect on him, even after all this time.
He let out a frustrated sigh and sat up in his bed, his eyes wandering over to the clock on his night stand.
3am.
Screw this. He needed to get out of here, just for a bit.
The cold air welcomed Oikawa with open arms as he stepped out of his apartment, the wind slightly messing up his hair. It was dead silent, the only sound being some leaves rustling on the ground as he stepped on them and distant chatter coming from the flats above him.
Tooru let out a deep breath, the air from his lungs turning visible. in front of him. He had been doing these night walks for a while now, the moonlight welcoming him every time something was on his mind and he needed to distract himself. As he walked along the path next to the lake at his apartment building, his mind wandered back to those green eyes. The eyes that used to look at him with such admiration and care, but today… They were full of hate and anger. The blame and guilt hovered over him like a blanket, threatening to suffocate him every time Toru even dared to waste a single thought on Iwaizumi Hajime.
Oikawa sighed and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, lightening one and taking a deep breath as the smoke started to fill his lungs. His mind immediately started to calm down, he felt more relaxed, and Iwaizumi left his mind for a second.
But just for a second.
Oikawa stopped as he looked down at the cigarette between his fingers, the glowing end casting shadows on his face.
Hajime would be fuming right now if he knew Oikawa picked up smoking. Well, his Highschool version would. The present day Iwaizumi would probably not even care about Oikawa if he was lying in a ditch, bleeding out.
But Oikawa understood why, god, of course he did. He had spent the last years replaying their last conversation in his head, analyzing every detail, wishing he could have done something differently.
Unfortunately, he was unable to go back in time and was stuck with the consequences of his actions. Flashbacks of that particular night appeared in front of his eyes and Oikawa desperately took another drag of the cigarette, hoping the nicotine would drown out the thoughts.
It didn't work.
Of course they didn’t disappear, they never did. It had been like that for years, why would it be different now?
In frustration, Oikawa threw the cigarette on the ground, putting it out with his foot before making his way back to the apartment.
With Hajime back in his life, it was getting harder and harder for Tooru to suppress the memories of everything that had happened between them. Every time he saw the man during practice, every time their eyes locked together, every time he heard his voice it was like a punch in the gut. Oikawa had been feeling this like this for years now, but the constant reminder of what he had done being here right in front of him now was making everything unbearable.
He knew he deserved it and he knew Iwaizumi was probably feeling worse, but it didn't help ease his mind. He kept contemplating if he should try to talk to Hajime, try to explain himself, maybe everything would work out in the end for both of them.
But he knew that wouldn’t be possible. It’d be too good to be true. He fucked up, and now he had to live with the consequences.
Seeing Iwaizumi interact with Tooru’s teammates so casually made Tooru’s heart ache. He couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to finally have a casual conversation with Hajime again, to hear his laugh, to see the way his face lit up when he talked about something he was passionate about.. To finally get a glimpse of the man he used to know. God, Tooru would do everything in his power for that to happen.
But that was just wishful thinking. He was walking in circles, his mind constantly repeating his mistakes and taunting him. For a second, Oikawa felt completely and utterly helpless.
But Hajime was here with him now, right in front of him, so close.
All Oikawa had to do was reach out, say his apologies, just say something.
Anything.
“Hajime, could you help me out with my sets please?” Tooru finally dared to call out to the coach standing on the side lines, chatting with the managers. He could feel his heart beating in his chest like it was about to explode, the ball daring to slip out of his sweaty hands.
Oikawa could see Iwaizumi hesitate a little upon hearing his voice, but then, to his relief, nodded without saying another word.
“I would prefer if you called me Iwaizumi,” he commented as soon as he was standing in front of Oikawa, gesturing to the man to show him what he was struggling with.
“You know i always preferred Hajime,” Tooru tried to lift the mood, but it didn't work.
Iwaizumis eyes were emotionless as ever, the same eyes that used to look at Tooru in such a gentle way, and suddenly Tooru felt silly for his joke.
Upon the awkward tension creeping up between them and Iwaizumi staying silent, Oikawa cleared his throat and nervously spun the ball around in his hands to try and find the words that so desperately tried to spill out of him.
“Listen-“
“Didn’t you need help with your sets?”
“Will you let me finish?”
The ball came to a stop, Tooru’s grip tightening.
“I want to apologize to you, for god's sake.”
The last sentence had come out harsher than he intended to, and he mentally slapped himself for it.
“I don’t really care, though.”
Iwaizumis voice was stern, cutting through the thick air like a knife. His nonchalant tone started to piss Oikawa off, but he tried to stay calm to not mess up more than he already had.
“I don’t care, you’ll hear it anyway.”
The banter between them both was pretty noticeable as Tooru’s voice started to get louder, and he quickly glanced around to make sure no one was eavesdropping on their conversation. Which was kinda stupid, considering the two men were standing in the middle of a volleyball court.
“I am sorry, okay?” Tooru muttered, lowering his voice again as his eyes searched for Hajime’s, desperate to see the other man's expression. The grip on the ball in his hands tightened even more as he could’ve sworn his heartbeat was hearable for everyone by now.
“I was a jerk back then. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
God, what a lame start. Could he really not have thought of something better?
“You were thinking about yourself, that’s what.”
For a second, Hajimes face softened up and maybe, finally Tooru thought he was able to see some emotion in his gaze, but then Hajime’s brows furrowed together before his facade went back up again.
“You’re right,” Tooru hastily replied, and he was embarrassed of the desperation in his voice, but that was the least of his worries right now.
Iwaizumi let out an exaggerated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“It’s a little late for this talk, don’t you think? Not a great location either.”
Oikawa was well aware of that fact, of course he was. But he knew Iwaizumi would do his best to avoid him outside of practice, so he had to take his chance. For a second, he was tempted to shoot back a snarky comment, but instead he just bit his tongue, holding himself back.
“I know,” he replied softly, finally dropping the ball to the ground and stepping closer to Iwaizumi.
The man's eyes flickered slightly in surprise and finally, god, finally Tooru was able to see some of Hajime’s true feelings which felt like a little victory to him. He tried to ignore those damn green eyes, the way Iwaizumis nose scrunched slightly and the movement when his jaw clenched and unclenched repeatedly.
“But you won’t listen to me otherwise, so what else am I supposed to do?”
Iwaizumi didn't reply, but the expression on his face said more than enough. Oikawa knew exactly what the man was thinking, he always did, which made this whole encounter way more painful for both of them.
“Please,” Oikawa urged once more.
“Let’s just…meet up somewhere and talk. You don’t even have to forgive me. I just want to talk. Thats all.”
“Fine,” Hajime finally huffed out, picking up the ball again and shoving it against Tooru’s chest with a firmness that left the man breathless for a second.
“Meet me at the bar down the street later. 8pm.”
His gaze flickered up to Oikawa's face once more, the facade back up as if it had always been that way.
“Don’t be late.”