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They don’t start out doing it as an attention grab. Swayman is naturally affectionate, but after the first few times, PR approaches them with a plan to turn their hug into a national hockey tradition-in-the-making. They even produce stickers featuring them hugging to be sold at the ProShop in TD Garden. It’s not like it bothers them. It’s a hug per night, if that, and they do genuinely enjoy each other, like being friends and spending time together both in and out of work. Moa bakes for them, the kids climb all over him, and Jeremy finds a family he hadn’t expected but grows to love immensely.
The only problem arises when Jeremy realizes that he’s fallen irrevocably in love with a married man. A straight, loyal, Swedish man. Jeremy reminds himself of those facts, daily.
Linus is straight. He’s not interested in men the way that Jeremy is, the way Jeremy has always known he is, but he never judges the younger for his preferences- or lack thereof.
Linus is also married to his high school sweetheart, who is his best friend and a super mom. She’s an amazing cook and baker and had adopted Jeremy into the family as easy as anything.
Linus is, perhaps most heart breakingly, not American. He works here, with Jeremy, but every summer he disappears and Jeremy finds himself booking a flight to visit him before he can remember to mentally list the reasons it’s a bad idea. They’ve spent three summers this way, now, with Jeremy traveling to Sweden for a month and Linus returning stateside a couple weeks early with him so they can visit Alaska together, too.
They do everything together, more so every year, and Jeremy’s heart is almost definitely not going to make it out unscathed. He has to brace himself for the impact, but it’s hard to point himself in the correct direction when so many things could fall out from under him without a moment’s notice. Jeremy doesn’t have enough faith in his ability to shield his feelings to believe that Moa doesn’t know how he feels. He also knows how important he is to the Bruins, but he can’t imagine that his fit-throwing will keep Linus with him for long. Every time they try to trade Ully, Jermey makes it nearly impossible, and he’s aware that if he keeps it up, he’ll become more trouble than he’s worth to the B’s. Fans eat up their hugs and closeness without ever knowing that Jeremy goes to bed terrified to lose what he’s built, every night, and wakes up more tired by the day.
Marchy is the first to notice. He starts out just casting concerned looks at the young goalie every so often, and then those looks extend to include a curious glance at Ullmark. When he finally puzzles it out, Jeremy is horrified to find himself on the receiving end of a conversation that’s somewhere between a lecture and a confession. Marchy’s got his own demons, his own sad back story, and more than one teammate he’s fallen for and lost, in that order.
”They traded away Seguin because he wasn’t willing to fall in line and act like he and I were less than we were.” Marchand tells him, wistful smile on his sharp face, and Sway finds himself nodding along.
””I won’t ever call myself straight when I’m not.” He says, unsure if it’s the right thing to say or not, but Marchand shrugs and gives him a soft, sad smile.
”Of course, I turned to Patrice for comfort, after I lost Tyler. That was the wrong thing to do. I don’t think I’ve ever fully gotten over him.” He admits, and Swayman wants to ask ‘what about Katrina?’ but even he can tell that it's the wrong thing to say at the wrong time, and so, instead, he bites his tongue. Brad grins at him, slaps his back, and the melancholy disappears just like that. “You know, we can find comfort in our teammates and even work it out with our ladies.” He says, and Swayman notices, a little more after that conversation, how Marchand and Carlo are different with one another. Swayman, pulled forcibly out of his own head by the conversation, starts to realize a lot of things.
Like when Mcavoy hears word that Chara will be visiting to watch them play a few times in the early Spring and he looks more conflicted than he has any right to be. Or when they play Toronto and Matthews wails on Marchand after the Bruin’s captain knocks Marner around too much for the star center’s taste. Or the way Brandon, in return, knocks Matthews around. It’s one of their most penalty-heavy games, and Swayman just shakes his head when he meets Ullmark’s eyes across the ice everytime another secret unveils itself before his eyes.
He can’t deny that he sees Ullmark differently after, as well. When they step out of the locker room and Moa approaches them with her two sleeping children, then hands one to each goalie before grinning and winding her arms through both of theirs. She leads them off, rattling off what she made them for dinner, because she’s incredible and somehow capable of creating culinary masterpieces within the guidelines of their meal plans, for the most part. Jeremy doesn’t jostle the adorable kid as he slides into the back seat of the family car and loads the munchkin into their child seat. Ully gets the other kiddo settled and then Moa drives them home. Swayman can even almost pretend that his stomach doesn’t drop when Linus takes her hand and kisses her knuckles thankfully, affectionately. She catches his guilty eyes in the rear-view and pulls away from Linus, thrusting her hand back.
“You owe me a kiss, too, Jeremy. Don’t you appreciate the ride and dinner?” She teases, and Jeremy is immediately resubmerged in comfort and affection as he traps her hand and pecks her knuckles. His eyes meet Linus’, and the older goalie looks so soft and happy that nothing could ruin the moment. That night, they eat delicious baked chicken and some sort of flavorful and colorful rice. They even rebel, a bit, and each have a beer out on the patio. Moa sips her wine and smiles at them when they go off on their hockey-related tangents. And when Jeremy is offered the spare bedroom, he gratefully accepts. He falls asleep in a place where he feels welcomed, wanted.
In the morning, Jeremy helps get the kids ready for school and hangs out with Linus as Moa drives them to school. They talk hockey, travel plans, and life in general, and when Moa is back they have a healthy and delicious breakfast. Linus puts on some music- something soft and in a language Jeremy doesn’t speak, and the three of them manage to waste the whole day off together. It hits the Alaskan, again, that he’s more happy as an intruder in this life than as a main character in his own.
And maybe that’s not healthy. Maybe he should be trying to find a life he can build for himself. But here, and for now, he’s more than happy to have the pieces of Linus and Moa that he’s given. He’s happy to learn how to say ‘I love you’ in Swedish and to name all the herbs and spices that Moa asks him for as she puts their dinners together. He’s satisfied falling onto their couch, limbs all intertangled, and heart full to bursting. It might break his heart, someday, and it can’t last forever, but for now, it’s enough.