Chapter Text
The pressure on Sakura’s chest was unbearable, and he felt something give away. A floating sensation overtook, and suddenly he felt like he was watching himself from a bird's eye view.
He saw Endo sneering above him. He could practically see his own face a mess of blood, sweat, and bruises. He could see the unconscious bodies of Suzuri, Kanji, and Tsubakino laying on the ground.
Sakura thought back to why he chose Furin. He wanted to fight to the top. He wanted to prove his worth. He needed to prove himself.
There wasn’t anything going for him. He had to break the parts of himself that wouldn’t let him survive, even though those parts were normal for the rest of society. Each time he had to rip those parts of himself away, he’d put himself back together. It always felt cold and numb, like he was trying to freeze a wound.
He made himself strong by discarding the pieces that would break him if he didn’t get rid of them at critical points of his life. He’d try to fill in the gaps and do the most he could afterwards.
—-
He wanted to be normal. To hang out with friends, share jokes, and play together.
But classmates laughed at him, threw stuff at him, and mocked his appearance no matter what he did. He knew it would kill him, if he let it. If he let himself hear hats and sunglasses, he would forever feel like he was a loser.
One day his classmates had shunned him as typical, thinking he’d break, but it was for the last time. When he snapped and fought back, he became a new person. He became a fighter. He embraced that he looked the way he did. He wasn’t going to shy away even if it meant being alone.
Sakura forced himself to become the kind of person who didn't need friends or the approval of others. He became someone who’d punch anyone who had a problem with him in the face.
Still, he spent years desperate for someone to reach out a hand to him. He just wanted one. He wasn’t a lone wolf, yet.
When a classmate in middle school saved his life in a fight, he couldn’t crush this hope fast enough. He never had someone step up for him like that. He had felt himself opening up for the first time in years. It wasn’t long before he realized that the hand belonged to an asshole who didn’t deserve a shred of his gratitude.
With one brutal blow, he decided that he wasn’t going to be a fool anymore; he wasn’t going to trust so easily.
Sakura built his walls higher and thicker than ever. He became someone who didn’t become attached.
He wanted to be part of a family. The ones he’d watch walk down the street, holding hands and laughing. He wanted someone to look after him and ask if he needed something like a toy or treat. This was the hardest one to tear off.
Yet as he moved around between homes and families, he never found that. One fateful day he left his last foster family after a big fight and became independent. Everyday spent with those people was like being trapped in a cage. He felt suffocated.
Enough. Why keep wishing for something that wasn’t in the cards for him? He thought as he left. He told himself that the air was sweeter outside that house.
He became someone who didn’t need a family.
He let all those desires go throughout the years to become the Sakura Haruka of today. He had to do these things, in order to survive.
Everytime he was on the brink of breaking, he forged himself anew, always minding what he didn’t want to be like the people he despised.
Sakura wasn’t breaking at this moment, though Endo was so sure he was going to snap. Unlike these previous experiences, something burning like an inferno stirred within.
Being at Furin didn’t mean that he had to break to survive. Every day so far, he felt every crack and missing piece that he told himself was just the way he was.
Rather than continuing to rip off the parts of himself he thought were holding him back, it felt like he had discovered new but familiar pieces around him. Sakura started collecting them like seashells on a beach. Though he had been clueless as to what to do with them, he wanted to find out where they would go. He hoped that he could be stronger with them, instead of without.
—-
Being pinned under Endo, Sakura was unable to look away from his insecurities. They threatened to break him, hold him under water and suffocate him right then and there.
Maybe it was because he had experienced what it means to break that in this a pivotal moment Sakura realized that he needed to make himself anew again. This change roared from within him, turning the water he thought was drowning him into a storm where everything was finding its new place.